All language subtitles for Superior Donuts (2017) - S02E10 - Labor Pains (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)_track4_[eng]

Hey, good morning, Randy.
What can I get you?

Something to throw up in.

Arthur, she needs
the puke bucket.

Which one? Saint Patrick's Day
or Cubs season opener?

I just looked at my Facebook.

My ex-husband is running around
Europe with his new girlfriend.

Literally. They just jogged
from Belgium to Luxembourg.

Aw, what a beautiful couple.

Of insensitive jerks.

Girlfriend, you got
to get on Facebook

and show him how great
your life is.

TUSH:
She already did.

Yesterday she posted

about her new big
purchase, pans.

Did you say "pants"?

No. (scoffs)
That was Tuesday.

The stretch corduroys?
Yeah.

I was excited for you.

Randy, it's simple.

You need to make your life
look better than your ex's.

My Iraqi cousins
who follow me on Instagram

think that I'm the owner
of the Chicago Bulls

and I'm married to a Kardashian.

I hang out in a donut shop
with you people.

What is so exciting about that?

ARTHUR:
Hey, excuse me,

but these napkin dispensers
happen to be brand new.

Who says you can't
exaggerate a little?

I happen to be a wiz
with Photoshop.

I can make it look like
you're anywhere in the world.

I don't know.

This is why I'm on
a social media detox.

All those "likes"
and "retweets"

are just another form
of instant gratification.

I don't need that.
Where's my damn donut?!

Franco, it's here, your letter
from Dearborn College.

I thought you
already got in.

Oh, now it's my
financial aid package.

Now I'll find out if I can
actually afford to go.

I'm so nervous.

That's why I brought you
some homemade cookies.

No, man. I'm too
anxious for that.

What I really need
is some weed.

Just eat the cookies.

All right, here we go.

"Dear Mr. Wicks. You've been
awarded a package of grants,

"loans, and work-study that
are the equivalent of..."

First year tuition!
I'm covered!

Boom! Let's celebrate.
Pass me the cookies.

That's terrific, Franco.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's this?

"Additional fees not included?"

Facilities fee,
a health plan fee,

art supplies fee?
That's almost $3,000!

Now I'm depressed.
Pass me the cookies.

Yo, Arthur,
can I get an advance?

Again? I gave you four
in the last two months.

You got to figure
something else out.

You need to find
some more income, baby.

Franco, how much do you
and Sweatpants pay for rent?

$800.

How much of that
do you pay?

$800.

Okay, I know where
this is going,

but Franco does not have time
for a second job.

No, he doesn't, but you
have time for a first one.

I've had plenty of jobs.
I was Santa for Christmas.

I was the Easter Bunny
on Easter.

And I know I was Baby New Year
for something.

Yo, I hate to say this,
but Arthur's right.

You got to find a job,
a steady one.

Fine. Guess I'll
update my résumé.

All right.

Does "making weed cookies"
go under skills or hobbies?

*

Okay. Here's the plan.

I take your picture,
we drop it into a bunch

of fancy European locations,
and voilà.

Your ex goes full-on FoMO,

which means
"fear of missing out"

and not what
you're thinking, Fawz.

Hey, man, I'm not
FoMO-phobic.

Okay, first, you're in front
of the Eiffel Tower.

Come on, loosen up.

You just spent the day
wandering the Champs-Elysées,

enjoying vichyssoise
and Chateauneuf-du-Pape.

What?

You saw a mime
and it's cool.

Oh!
(phone camera clicks)

Now you're in the Louvre
looking at the Mona Lisa.

Ah.

(phone camera clicks)

Ooh, but it's smaller
than you thought.

Oh.

(phone camera clicks)

All right.

Time for some Photoshop magic.

(phone chimes)

Ay! I just got a text
from Sweatpants, man.

He got a job.

Already? That was quick.
Yeah.

Well, wasn't that quick.
It took seven years, dude.

Have you guys been
living together that long?

Yeah, when my dad kicked me out,
I moved in with his family

till I found my own place.

And then when his folks moved
back to Maryland,

he moved in with me.
Dude's like my brother.

So where's he working?

At a retirement home.
You know what this means?

When he comes home at night,
he's gonna smell weird?

It means I'm gonna be
rolling in it.

Okay, perfect!

Take a look.

Oh, wow. It really looks
like I'm in Paris.

Wait till Paul sees this.

While you're at it,

you think you could put my head
on Ryan Gosling's body?

For your wife?

Sure, for my wife.

(laughing) Woo!
There he is.

Where have you been?

We got to play Medieval Dead.

I've been waiting for you
so we can crack level 19.
Cool.

But look, man. I got you
some donuts so we can celebrate.

My favorite kind.

BOTH:
Free!

So, uh, what are
we celebrating?

Your new job.

Oh, yeah, about that.

I'm not taking the job.
What the...?

The hell, man?

Well, in the interview they said

I could be Assistant
Activities Director.

And I was like, "Bingo!" because
you know old people love Bingo.

So I go to orientation today,

and they say I got to wear
these-these baggy scrubs.

Why would I want to hide
these natural curves?

You always do this, man.

Any time you get an opportunity,
you just blow it away.

Like that time you quit
the job being a limo driver.

I wasn't allowed to talk.

Or-or the time you quit
being a tour guide.

Sometimes I get shy.

Come on, dude, l-look.

The minute I find a job
that's fulfilling, I am there.

No, no, man. So I got to wait
for you to be fulfilled

before I can pay
for art school?

You know what?

Ever since you
got into college,

you've been walking around here
like you Ving Rhames.

Ay, don't-don't start
with that right now, man.

You think you're better than me,
and I'm just dragging you down.

You're not dragging me down,

but look, I got all
these new bills, dude.

And I-I need a roommate who
can pay his share of the rent.

So what are you saying?
Are you-you kicking me out?

You're not giving me
much of a choice, dude.

Wow. I thought
we were friends.

(scoffs)

Well, friends don't spend seven
years freeloading, do they?

Freeloading? I do
tons of stuff for you.

I wake you up
in the morning for work,

I cook, I wash the dish.

Thank you.

But is any of that gonna
help me pay for college?

Well, if that's how you feel,

I'll gather my things and leave.

These are all your things.
Yeah, I just realized that.

Okay, well, you know what,
packing will be a breeze.

May I borrow a suitcase?

Look, you ain't got to leave
right this second.

Where you gonna stay?

Mm-mm. Don't worry
about me.

I don't need your help.
I don't need anybody's help.

I need your help.

It's after midnight.
What's going on?

Franco kicked me out.

So either I sleep on your couch
or in a Dumpster.

I recommend the one
behind the mattress shop.

Hey, hey!

This is all your fault.

You're the reason
he turned against me.

With all your crazy ideas about
me being useful and productive.

All right, fine.
You've got three days.

(crash)
Sorry!

You've got two days.

Hello, Arthur. I will have
a maple cream, please.

We're doing self-serve today.

Just grab a donut,
leave the money.

What about my change?

Just take it out of
the Cancer Fund box.

What's wrong?
Why are you so out of it?

Sweatpants kept me up
all damn night.

You could've warned me
about the sleepwalking.

And also the sleep eating.

Well, you know
what he's never done

is "sleep pay
the cable bill."

Thank God he's only staying
another two days.

Hey, look, I feel bad
kicking him out, you know,

but I need the cash.

And I already found
a new roommate

off the bulletin board
at my school.

The dude Venmo'd me
two months' rent already.

Is he a husky
Polynesian fella?
How'd you know?

He's staring at you
through the window.

(chuckles) Zale!

I didn't want to intrude.

I invited you, man.
Come here, bring it in.

Uh, germs.

Different germs.

Well, anyway,
I got your key.

Oh, just drop it in.

Anyway, um...

Do you want a donut
on the house?

Oh, no, slippery slope.

You give me something free,

then you'll come to where I work

and expect a free sandwich.
Ooh!

So you get free sandwiches,
huh? That's dope.

So it begins.

Well...

I'm off.

You certainly are.

Okay, he's a little weird.

He's getting into an Uber
through the sunroof.

Yeah, but he can afford
that Uber, hmm? And rent.

Good advice, Arthur.

Aw, he's asleep.

Yes, asleep.

Oh, no, we have a problem.

My ex just texted me.
He's in Paris.

So?

His hotel is right
on the same block

as the café
you checked me in.

He wants me to meet him there.

Okay, don't get
your baguettes in a twist.

Text him back, say you're
just leaving for a rendezvous

with a tall, dark Frenchman.

(phone rings)
Oh, no. It's too late.

He's calling,
and if I don't answer,

it's gonna seem suspicious.

Sacrebleu! We're going live
from Cafe L'Argent!

Uh, everybody act French!

Uh, allo.

Not you!
Oh, oh.

Hello. Hi. What's up?

Uh, Cirque du Soleil!
Ooh-la-la!
Uh,

Gérard Depardieu!
Oh.

(French accent):
Oh, yes, it certainly
is 8:30 here in France!

Oh, so, you want to...
you want to swing by the café?

Uh, oh, no!

Madame, I just spilled
some French food on you!

Oh, oh, no, what a mess!

I think I'm gonna have
to go change.

I-I'm so sorry
I won't be able to see you.

Au revoir.

Au revoir.
Au revoir.

(relieved sigh)

We meet again, Malthazar.

The golden chalice...

shall be mine.

En garde!

(grunts)

Wow. That felt real.

Is this what you've
been doing all day?

Hey, Arthur.

Nah, it's a virtual reality game

that transports you
into a medieval fantasy world.

You got to try it.
Come on.
No, no, don't put

that thing on me--
I don't want

your stupid... Whoa!

Yeah.
Half man, half horse.

Oh. He's so beautiful.

(chuckles)
Hey, come on,

Arthur, come and
sit and play, man.

You know what goes great
with dragon slaying?

Nachos and beer.

(chuckles):
Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Whoa, this is
absolutely amazing!

Yeah. I'm glad you're
enjoying it, roomie.

Oh, by the way,
you know how I said

I was gonna move in
with my cousin Bruce?

Well, he's out of
town, so is it cool

if I stay with you
another couple of weeks?
Sure. Why not?

Whoa!

Check out the figure
on that fairy princess.

Who needs real women?
Am I right?

(laughing)

(English accent):
No offense, milady.

*

Franco, why are
you so late?

I spent all night
in urgent care,

'cause it turns out Zale
is allergic to lettuce.

P.S. I'm his
emergency contact now.

Well, at least your money
situation is taken care of.

I guess so.

Well, speaking of roommates,

did Sweatpants find a place
to live yet?

Well, actually, he's
gonna be staying with me

for a couple more weeks,
and then he's gonna be
moving in with....

His cousin Bruce?

How did you know?
That dude

has been talking about moving in
with his cousin Bruce

for the last seven years, man.

What?!
Yeah.

Hey-hey-hey, roomie!

Oh.

Hello.

Sweatpants.

You look well.

As do you.

By the way, Arthur and I

have been playing a lot
of Medieval Dea lately.

Oh.

Malthazar says hark.

Malthazar?

You... you got to
level 19 without me?

Where was the key?

The gargoyle had it
the whole time.
(grunts)

He wanted a hundred coins,
but... Arthur talked him down.

Congratulations to
the both of you.

Mm-hmm.

SWEATPANTS:
Great news.

Medieval Dead 2 is
dropping next Friday!

Sweatpants, you're not gonna be
living in my place next Friday.

So we're moving?

Sit down.

Listen.

Why can't you get a job?

(sighs) I've had jobs,
but I always get bored.

And I ask myself,

is this what I want to do
for the rest of my life?

So far the answer's been,
"No way, José."

That was actually
just my last job

at The Burger Barn.

José was the manager.

You know, that sounds
like a cop-out to me.

That's easy for you to say--
you've got donuts,

and Franco's got his art.

(sighs) You guys found
your thing, and...

I got nothing.

You think I was born
with a passion for donuts?

I just needed a job.

But I found some things
I loved about it.

Like running my own business
and-and making people happy.

So if I stick with any
lame-ass job that comes along,

I'll find my passion?

I don't know, but...

you're certainly not gonna
find it sitting on a couch.

TUSH:
Arthur's right.

Any job can be fulfilling if
you've got the right attitude.

Why, just last week,

I had a gig cleaning out
a dead guy's apartment.

Turns out we had
the same size shoe.

His soul's in Heaven,

and his soles
are also on my feet.

Are you guys sure this one
isn't over the top?

A lot of people go
to the Vatican.
Yeah,

but do a lot of people
ride shotgun in the popemobile?

Hey, if your ex

is gonna ride a dolphin
in Sardinia,

you're gonna do him one better.

Welcome to Rome.

SOFIA:
Oh, my God,

are you guys still doing this?

(computer dings)
Is that
another "like"?

No. My daughter just tagged me

in a photo of us
having breakfast this morning.

In Rome?

In a Denny's.

In Rome?

All right, don't panic--
we can save this.

Randy, what are you
trying to prove?

You know, I guess I just wanted
to be the first one to move on.

To have a cool new life.

Youhave a cool life.

You have a beautiful daughter,

you're a cop, which is badass...

and you have friends

who would do anything for you.

Yeah, without us,
you'd have never done body shots

with the Italian
women's soccer team.

All this social media stuff
just makes you depressed.

It makes you feel like
you're missing out on something,

but what you're really
missing out on is all of this.

Oh, you're right.

You guys, thank you so much.

Thanks.

This was actually a lot of fun.

You know, the three of us should
take a trip for real sometime.

Oh. That's a good idea.
Yeah.

That would be fun.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we could do that.

It's not gonna
happen, is it?

God, no.

Oh. Hey, Franco.

Isn't this your day off?

Yeah. Thought
I'd pick up a few hours.

Got nothing else to do.

Aw. You miss Sweatpants,
don't you?

I'm sorry, who-pants?

And now he's freeloading
off of Arthur.

He'll never change.

Actually,
that's not true.

Okay, what are you
talking about?

You know what?
Let me show you.

Come with me.

Okay.
Come on.

Hey, Tush.
Mind the shop.

You know,
it's very unprofessional

that Arthur leaves the store
completely unattended.

He just left me
in charge.

Like I said.

Fawz, when's the last time
you were at your dry cleaners?

I got to go.

*

SWEATPANTS:
All right,

here you go, Mrs. Culver.

Orange chamomile with
a little bit of honey,

just how you like it.
Thank you, Sweet Pants.

That's Sweatpants.

I know.
(chuckles)

Mrs. Culver, you
better watch it, now.

(chuckles)

I can't believe it--
he actually took the job.

Yep. Four days ago.

Doing pretty good, huh?
Yeah.

Can I help you?

I'm here for Sweatpants.
Oh...

Are your legs cold?

Wha...? No, no.
Oh, let me take you

back to your room.
No, you don't understand.

I don't live here.

Come on. I'll give
you some pudding.

What flavor we talking?

Franco. What are
you doing here?

Well, Arthur told me
about your new job,

and I thought I'd drop by.

It's not perfect, but...

I'm gonna start
from the bottom,
work my way up.

Which is also how
I give sponge baths.

I'm gonna stick it out.

So... you don't think
you might get tired of it?

No.

Even if I did, there are
literally beds everywhere.

Congratulations, man.

Thanks.

I was pretty mad at you
for kicking me out.

But the truth is,
you were right.

Well... now you're
making steady cash,

so you can move back in with me.

I appreciate that, man,
but I don't think so.

It feels pretty good
standing on my own two feet.
Mm-hmm.

I'm even looking
at getting a place of my own.

Yeah?
Yeah. And when
I get one,

I'll have you over for a few
beers and a home-cooked meal.

Cool, man.
What can I bring?

A few beers
and a home-cooked meal.

I got to go set up for
the Senior Olympics.

We're starting
with the two-yard dash.

(laughs)

All right, man.
Have fun, all right?

Things good?

Yeah. Thank you
for bringing me here.

You ready to go?

I don't know.
Kind of like this place.

After I finish my pudding,
they're giving me a sponge bath.

You know, Sweatpants
does the sponge baths.

Let's get out of here.

ARTHUR:
Hey, Franco.

Isn't that your roommate?

Ooh.

I made a copy of the mail key,
so I brought back yours.

Cool. Give me it.
Where's it at?

In here.

I'll get it later.

(laughs):
It's SpongeBath Sweatpants.

How was work?
It was good.

My ride on the "L"
was even better.

A woman asked me
if I was a doctor,

and I got her number.
(chuckles)

Only six digits
there, buddy.
Oh.

Eh. It wouldn't have
worked out anyway.

Some guy had a seizure,
and I had to perform "CPR."

He survived,
even though all I did

was rub his chest
and yell "clear!"

Hey, yo, hey, meet
my new roommate, Zale.
Zale, this is Sweatpants.

Yo, what up, Zale?
How you doing, man?

Ah, you work at
a nursing home.

Let me know if you
need any false teeth--

I make them as a hobby.

I'm gonna go.

All right, man.

(quietly):
Hey. I'm gonna miss you so much.

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