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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,804
All right. Okay,
So I mopped the floor,
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,173
refilled the napkin dispenser,
3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,274
and I wiped down that weird
4
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,741
sculpture thing
on the wall back there.
5
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,677
That's a pay phone.
6
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,645
What is wrong
with you millennials?
7
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:12,646
Why does he call us
"millennials"
8
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,516
when he's the one who's
a thousand years old?
9
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,486
Yeah. This older generation,
they just don't get us.
10
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,588
Am I right, hashtags?
11
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,693
Sweatpants!
12
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,428
Hey, Franco,
here's your notebook.
13
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,662
What took you so long, man?
14
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,564
I was busy doing your half
of the laundry
15
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,666
and washing your half
of the dishes.
16
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,302
Oh, well, you see,
now I meant to do that,
17
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,070
but I was just busy
paying your half of the rent.
18
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,338
(laughs)
Hey, brother,
19
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,806
we shouldn't be
fighting like this.
20
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,408
That's what the Man
wants us to do.
21
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,675
Get out of here, man.
22
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,777
Hey, so, Arthur,
I was up all night
23
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:46,080
thinking of ideas
to boost business, right?
24
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:48,149
"Boost business"?
Sounds like so much work.
25
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,083
How about
26
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,818
you sell your shop to me,
I tear it down,
27
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,420
and put up a Baby Gap.
28
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:55,089
But for grown-ups.
29
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,490
Not selling.
30
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,092
What do you got?
Okay,
31
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,428
so number one: a donut ATM.
Oh.
32
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,862
You put in money
to get donuts,
33
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,397
or donuts to get money?
34
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:04,598
Which do you like?
35
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,167
Neither.
36
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,501
Okay, so how about, like,
37
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,103
a cup-shaped donut
you can drink your coffee from?
38
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,172
It dunks itself.
No.
39
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:12,240
How about you not refraining
from declining
40
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,475
to sell me your shop?
Yes.
41
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,777
Damn it, you're quick
on that double negative.
42
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,312
All right, so customers
are gonna love this one,
43
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:19,680
all right.
I think you might, too.
44
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:20,781
Free Wi-Fi.
45
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:21,515
No!
46
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,452
One of the main reasons
I come here
47
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,120
is because there's no Wi-Fi
or phone reception,
48
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,521
so I can focus on my schoolwork.
49
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,158
I have a tendency to be
kind of easily distracted by--
50
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,860
oh, my God, puppies!
51
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,195
ARTHUR:
Hey, Tush,
52
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,196
what are you doing?
53
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,131
I started a dog-walking
business.
54
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,899
Those rich suckers moving
into the neighborhood
55
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,668
pay ten bucks a head.
56
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,803
I've picked up poop
for much less,
57
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,705
oftentimes without a bag.
58
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:46,907
You can't bring
dogs in here.
59
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,276
Fine.
60
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,910
You know what?
61
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,713
Paco's a little overdressed
for this place anyway.
62
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,182
Come on, gang,
63
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,616
we can still make happy hour
at Petco.
64
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,219
That place is crawling
with bitches.
65
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,424
Okay, so look, I know
making the donuts is your thing,
66
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,193
but I had a few flavor ideas.
67
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,594
Look, kid, I appreciate
your enthusiasm,
68
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,696
but before you go
changing stuff,
69
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,897
you got to understand
the basics.
70
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,365
Huh? Learn from
the ground up.
Okay.
71
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,200
No, I got it.
Speaking of which,
72
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,901
one of the dogs
left something there
73
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,636
on the ground.
Ew.
74
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:19,240
Oh, wait.
(chuckles)
75
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,309
They're little tiny Uggs.
76
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,511
Damn dog's got nicer shoes
than me.
77
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,181
*
78
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,955
(hip-hop music playing)
79
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,624
Hey, hey! Hey!
Oh.
80
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,626
Turn off the hippity-hoppity.
81
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,893
(music stops)
82
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,795
Now what the hell
are you doing here?
83
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,264
Well, you told me
I had to learn the basics.
84
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:44,465
So I got here at 4:00 a.m.
85
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,200
so you can teach me
how to make a donut.
86
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,435
And look what I made.
87
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,903
It's Doughy!
88
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,573
He's our new mascot.
He can do commercials,
89
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,608
uh, personal appearances,
maybe even a movie.
90
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,843
Oh, look,
91
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,545
he's in Grease.
92
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,847
(dough sizzling)
93
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,216
Why would you-- he had a family!
94
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,553
Look, making the best damn
donuts in Chicago
95
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,355
is serious business.
96
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,290
If you really want to learn,
you got to be professional.
97
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:09,990
Yes, sir.
98
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,592
I'm ready.
Now we'll begin
99
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,261
with the classic old-fashioned.
100
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,895
You know, that's the donut
that put this place on the map.
101
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,230
Word.
All right.
102
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,265
We'll start with eight cups
of flour.
103
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,232
Measuring, I-I can do that.
104
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,433
Nope.
Can I hold the bowl?
105
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,734
Nope.
Can I ask a question?
106
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,735
Nope.
How am I supposed
to learn?
107
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,371
That's a question.
108
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,572
All right, look,
109
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,006
I'm gonna teach you
the way I was taught
110
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,908
by my donut mentor,
Stan Symanski. Huh?
111
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,443
Okay.
Today, you watch.
112
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,945
Tomorrow, more watching.
Eventually, you graduate!
113
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,581
To observing.
(groans)
114
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,784
Come on, dude, I just want to
make a damn donut!
115
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:37,951
(stammers)
Slow down.
116
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,454
As Symanski said,
"First you make the man,
117
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:41,955
then you make the donut."
118
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,958
What does that mean?
119
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,594
Beats me.
120
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:49,263
He was very fond of the, uh,
powdered sugar.
121
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,031
Arthur, so look,
122
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,666
you know
I'm an artist, right?
Uh.
123
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,302
So don't you want to unlock
some of this
124
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,403
God-given creativity?
All right, all right,
125
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,505
how about this? Uh,
as soon as I finish this batch,
126
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,340
you can apply the glaze.
127
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,474
Really? Yes!
Mm-hmm.
128
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:01,575
I'm Head Glazer.
129
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,976
Or Executive Glaze Manager.
130
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,513
Or V.P. of Operations,
Glaze Division.
131
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,549
Head Glazer's fine.
Yeah.
132
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,721
ARTHUR:
Whoa, Randy.
133
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,489
Rough night, huh?
134
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,991
Yeah, I partied
with the Vice Squad.
135
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,993
I need some strong black coffee.
136
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,296
Got it.
And then someone to check
137
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,598
if I have an even lower
back tattoo.
138
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,368
(Doctor Who
theme music playing)
139
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,737
RANDY: Hey, James,
what are you doing?
140
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,539
I'm watching the new episode
of Doctor Who,
141
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,941
and you can't get a signal
in there.
142
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,676
(music stops)
See?
143
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,779
This place is literally
like being in 1966.
144
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,581
Which just happens to be
145
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,050
the year that the good Doctor
has just transported himself to.
146
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,353
He's a time traveler.
147
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,954
Can he transport
me to the future
148
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,756
when this
conversation's over?
149
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:51,759
ARTHUR:
Oh, hey,
150
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:52,693
what can I get you?
151
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,927
Uh, what do you recommend?
152
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:54,728
Well, I would suggest
153
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,530
a few rubber bands
in your beard,
154
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,999
but I see you
got that covered.
155
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,669
How about one of my classic
old-fashioned glazed, huh?
156
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,537
Sure, yeah, I'll, uh,
take a dozen.
157
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:05,373
All right, coming right up.
Franco!
158
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,074
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
159
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,609
What's with
the orange ones?
160
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,910
Oh, well, I hope
you don't mind,
161
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:10,944
but I got all inspired,
162
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,046
so I put a few drops of
Sriracha in the glaze.
163
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,882
Sriracha? What--
what the hell is that?
164
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,050
It's hot sauce made
from chili peppers.
165
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,486
Uh, can I try one of those?
166
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,520
Yeah.
167
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,355
Go for it, white Lenny Kravitz.
168
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:24,692
What the hell's
going on?
169
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,360
I was just starting to
teach you the basics.
170
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,361
I mean, you're
not ready to start
171
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,462
messing with the
recipe now.
172
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,663
Well, you don't get to be
Head Glazer
173
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,565
by playing it safe.
Now look,
174
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,700
I'm not paying you
to reinvent the donut.
175
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,901
Now I got to
throw those away,
(sighs)
176
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:34,902
because nobody's
gonna want 'em.
177
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,470
Yeah, I'll take a dozen.
178
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:37,905
Seriously?
179
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,373
Yeah, these things are amazing.
180
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,409
Oh, see, thank you,
Rubber Band Man.
181
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,910
Good job.
All right, cool, dude!
182
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,748
(Doctor Who theme music
playing)
183
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,383
(gasps)
Doctor Who!
184
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,584
I have Wi-Fi!
185
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:53,821
Really?
Where's it coming from?
186
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,056
Uh, looks like
Fawz's dry cleaners next door.
187
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,591
And there's no password.
188
00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:00,728
Well, I have gotten a
lot of work done today.
189
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,497
Time to unwind with
a little Wurdle.
190
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:07,701
Then head home, take a bath,
and go for it.
191
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,770
No, it's...
192
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,439
it's an online word game.
193
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:14,942
I used to play a lot.
Had to quit when I got R.F.S...
194
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,044
Restless Finger Syndrome.
195
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,480
I did a walkathon for that.
196
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,782
Thank you...
from all of us.
197
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,786
Here you go.
Thank you, Jack Sparrow.
198
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,790
See? Somebody just
bought my donuts.
199
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,791
All right.
Let me try one.
200
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,126
Go ahead.
201
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,763
Mmm.
Yeah?
202
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,466
Ooh.
Huh?
203
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,801
(grunts strangely)
204
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,169
All right, you're not a fan.
205
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,137
Look, I've been in the donut
game long enough to know
206
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,773
what's not gonna catch on.
207
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,875
Okay, but that dude loved it.
208
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,610
Oh, I wouldn't go by him.
209
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,812
He just put on a top hat,
rode off on a wooden bicycle
210
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,814
with a lizard
on his shoulder.
211
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,449
It's a fluke, kid.
212
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,551
Don't go patting yourself
on the back.
213
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,057
Hey, Arthur, my hands are
full of these fluke donuts.
214
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,794
Would-Would you mind
patting me on the back?
215
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:10,163
How about I put
my foot up your ass?
216
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,865
What was that?
"Good work, Franco"?
217
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:12,866
Thank you.
218
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,868
A dozen Srirachos, please.
219
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,104
Oh, I'm sorry,
but I only have five left.
220
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,606
Oh, good news!
221
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,207
We got plenty of my
old-fashioned glazed. There.
222
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,875
Yeah. You know,
that's the donut
223
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,243
that put this
place on the map.
224
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,245
No, I want the ones
I saw on Instagram.
225
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,647
The Sriracha ones.
226
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,081
If you're making more,
I can wait.
227
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,684
I'll just finish
my adult coloring book.
228
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,653
I'll get right
on it, okay?
229
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,222
Yeah, sure, of course
they like Srirachos, huh?
230
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,757
They're hipsters.
231
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,626
Thank God I still got
my regulars.
232
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,961
Did Franco say he's bringing out
more Srirachos?
233
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,663
Et tu, Tush?
234
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,698
Oh, I et way more than two.
235
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:54,207
Ladies and gentlemen. Bringing
the heat from the streets,
236
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,910
the guru of the glaze,
237
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:59,112
the professor of the pastry,
238
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,515
the Bro of the Diz-ough...
239
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,519
Franco Wicks.
(applause)
240
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,188
Hey, wait a minute
What... what-what...
241
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,090
Franco, what is that?
242
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,992
Oh, just my latest creation.
243
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,928
I just took my trademark
Sriracha donut...
All right, all right.
244
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:17,097
...dusted it with
habanero sprinkles.
Don't hurt 'em now.
245
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,833
And I dipped it
in ghost pepper glaze.
246
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,034
And I finished it off with...
247
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,302
Oh, no you didn't.
248
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,304
A jalapeño in the middle!
249
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,206
I present to y'all...
250
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,008
El Diablo.
251
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,610
SWEATPANTS:
Somebody call
the fire department
252
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,311
up in here.
253
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,313
Wee-ooh, wee-ooh,
wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
254
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,948
But I got a challenge.
255
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,284
Anyone that can finish one
of these in under a minute,
256
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,252
gets their picture
on the "Wall of Flame."
257
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,054
ARTHUR:
Hey, hey, hey.
258
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,023
Wait a minute. My picture
used to be up there.
259
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,291
Oh, I-I'll put it back up.
260
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,226
If you can finish
one of these in under a minute.
261
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,328
No. No, thanks.
What kind of an idiot
262
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,864
would like to burn his tongue
off for a stupid picture?
263
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,567
Ah, this kind.
264
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:56,870
Hot.
265
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,238
(gasping)
266
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,075
It feels like I'm eating
the sun.
267
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,146
Randy, you sure you don't
want to watch Doctor Who?
268
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,815
The 24th season
is the best.
269
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,618
No. You can tell me
what happens.
270
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,320
Then I can tell you what
a vagina looks like.
271
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,624
Oh James, it's awful.
272
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,226
The Wi-Fi is out.
(groans)
273
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,261
How unfortunate.
274
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,796
I was next door
275
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,998
watching a YouTube video
of a sneezing panda,
276
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,266
until it froze.
277
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,768
Mid-sneeze.
278
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,103
I got the "ah", but no "choo."
279
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,840
And that's when
I realized,
280
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,808
someone is stealing my Wi-Fi.
281
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:37,978
Maya, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
James, how could you?
282
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:41,849
Who knew Chicago Police
were so corrupt?
283
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,617
I mean, sure,
everybody knew, but...
284
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,753
You know what I mean.
285
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,088
Well, I've taken care
of the problem.
286
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,924
My Wi-Fi is now protected with
a password you will never guess.
287
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,392
Never.
288
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,261
Is it "sneezingpanda"?
289
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,329
I'll be right back.
290
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,835
Wow, people are really loving
Franco's new donut.
291
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,671
Yeah, I don't get it, you know?
292
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,938
Wait, uh, uh, look at him.
293
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:08,275
Am I still chewing?
294
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,878
I can't tell.
295
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,647
You see what I mean?
296
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,982
Donuts are not supposed to hurt.
297
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,383
They're supposed to be sweet.
298
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,018
Yeah. I know. It's weird,
299
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,854
but people like all
these crazy flavors these days.
300
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:25,659
Like salty chocolate
and bone marrow ice cream.
301
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:29,196
You know, if they had a whiskey
burrito, I could save a step.
302
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,700
Hey! It's done!
303
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,135
Whew! Was that under a minute?!
304
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,937
Huh?
305
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,908
Oh, snap. I forgot
to start the stopwatch.
306
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:41,942
All right,
hold on.
307
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:47,881
(groans) I hope my colon
has its affairs in order.
308
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,821
Say cheese!
Cheese!
(chuckles)
309
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,789
Welcome to the Wall of Flame.
(hissing)
310
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,825
(hissing, chuckles)
311
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,060
How do you
do that, Fawz?
312
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,830
Mm. When I was eight,
313
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,898
my village was attacked
with mustard gas,
314
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,400
so I have no feeling
in my esophagus.
315
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,838
Also, if I lick
a battery, I die.
316
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,307
We have got to get
Fawz's password.
317
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,844
It's always
personal information.
318
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,478
Come on,
you're a cop.
319
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,480
Just go get the password.
But be subtle.
320
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,716
Subtle.
321
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,153
(exhales)
322
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,155
Boy, you sure do like donuts!
Did your mom make 'em for you?
323
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,024
And if so, what was
her maiden name?
324
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:34,027
Hussein. No relation.
325
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,296
Fine. Distant cousin.
326
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,735
Interesting. Um, did you have
any childhood pets?
327
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,771
Oh, yes. Jabir.
328
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:47,941
He wasn't so much a pet
as a partially brain-dead uncle.
329
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:52,145
But he brought that Frisbee
back every time.
330
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,047
How do you spell that?
331
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:58,418
Yes, it's, uh, J-A-B...
332
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,353
Wait, are
you trying
333
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,256
to guess my password?!
Shame!
334
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,292
And here I thought you were
trying to get to know the real
335
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,761
Fawz Hamadani Farooq
Al-Shahrani!
336
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,131
All right. Who'd like to try
337
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,000
a new and exciting donut flavor?
338
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,235
If they like Srirachos,
they're gonna love this.
339
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,537
It tastes like pickles.
I call it...
340
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,141
the Dill-Donut.
341
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:25,112
Uh, Arthur,
y-you can't call it that.
342
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,213
Why not?
343
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,380
Say it again.
344
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,515
Dill-Donut.
345
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,153
Slower.
346
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,455
Okay. Dill-Do... Oh.
347
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,457
I'll work on the name.
348
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,393
Hey, why won't you try one?
I... They're totally unique.
349
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,462
Try it.
Oh, yeah. All right.
350
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,831
Huh...
351
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,265
Oh, yeah. Oh.
352
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:49,002
That's... That's unique.
353
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:53,573
That dill flavor's
coming through hard.
354
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,343
It's like one bite's
all you'll ever need.
355
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,311
All you will ever need.
356
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,412
All right,
all right, fine.
357
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,814
Back by popular demand,
358
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:01,581
Los Diablos.
359
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,016
Call an exorcist.
360
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,252
The devil's in the house!
361
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,453
All right, man. I have
this whole new promotion
362
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:07,487
planned for later.
363
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,922
Big fiesta theme.
364
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:09,990
ARTHUR:
Hey, whoa, whoa!
365
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,158
Those are my glazed.
366
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,126
Oh, I'm just making room
for Los Diablos.
367
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,327
No. No, you're not.
368
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,462
What? Arthur,
I'm just giving the people
369
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,164
what they want.
You know
what they want?
370
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,498
You've been working here
one month.
371
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,100
What you mad for? You hired me
372
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,468
to bring in new customers,
right?
373
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,270
Yeah! Yeah, but not
to change everything.
374
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,005
I think you mean
"making things better."
375
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,340
Oh, please. With the contest
and the photos, huh?
376
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,109
Just a bunch of stupid gimmicks.
377
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,979
Gimmicks? I'm an artist.
I-I don't do gimmicks.
378
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,447
(mariachi music playing)
379
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,353
* El Diablo
380
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,857
* El Diablo, El Diablo
381
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,292
Stop.
* El Diablo
382
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,426
Stop!
* El Diablo.
383
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,594
(music stops)
384
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:51,431
Do you guys know any Steely Dan?
385
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:55,435
* I've seen your picture
386
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,205
* Your name
in lights above it... *
387
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,545
That's the last
of the Srirachos.
388
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,514
And I can't make anymore.
389
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,482
Arthur's gone, so I'm stuck
working the counter.
390
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,584
How am I gonna tell people
all the Srirachos are gone?
391
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,487
No mo' Sriracho!
392
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,058
You act like this job is hard.
393
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,529
Tush, what are you doing?
394
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,232
Taking Pudgy for a walk.
395
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,100
Poor thing's got anxiety,
396
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,902
thought I'd give him
a little extra TLC.
397
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,938
(Franco sighs)
398
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,374
I just tried Arthur again.
399
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,143
Went straight to voicemail.
400
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:37,544
I don't know why he's so mad.
401
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,046
My donuts have been
our best sellers.
402
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,313
You got a gift, kid.
403
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,615
I can still taste that Diablo.
404
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,617
See? Thanks, Tush.
405
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,987
No, I mean,
that's all I can taste.
406
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,422
But on the bright side,
407
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,591
it brought my dead tooth
back to life.
408
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,326
Come on,
Pudgy.
409
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,929
Let me show you
what it's like to pee indoors.
410
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,001
Randy, I've been working
my ass off since I started here.
411
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,702
All right? I show up early,
I even stay up late
412
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,137
thinking of ideas
for this damn place,
413
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,006
and he always shuts them down.
414
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:08,708
Sounds like Arthur's
not the only one who's mad.
415
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,377
All right, yeah.
416
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,711
I thought I found the job
417
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,580
where I'm not just doing
grunt work, you know?
418
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,682
Where I can be creative,
where I contribute, maybe,
419
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,617
maybe even make a difference
in the community.
420
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,487
Putting icing on a donut?
421
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,390
All right, when you put it
like that, I sound like a loser.
422
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,658
(sighs)
You're not a loser.
423
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,428
You're just an idiot.
424
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,562
(clears throat)
425
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,598
Look at it from Arthur's
point of view.
426
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,067
He's been making donuts
his whole life.
427
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,669
And you come in here
and outshine him.
428
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:40,273
Now he feels old
and obsolete.
429
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:45,178
Like a record player
in a CD world.
430
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,315
Randy, nobody buys CDs anymore.
431
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,618
Don't make me
plant drugs on you.
432
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,553
Whoa! Okay.
433
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,588
What kind of drugs?
434
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,527
All I'm saying
is slow your roll.
435
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,330
Okay.
Arthur doesn't like
to be rushed.
436
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:07,634
He didn't even put that pay
phone in until last summer.
437
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,670
Well, that was awkward.
438
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:13,340
As it turns out,
Pudgy is a girl.
439
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,016
FAWZ:
Poor Arthur.
440
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,717
He forgot where he works.
441
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:25,752
It's right in there.
442
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,521
No, no. I know that.
443
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,323
It's just that I feel...
444
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,325
I just don't belong
in there anymore.
445
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:35,228
Well, maybe it's time for you
to sell to me. (chuckles)
446
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,031
Yeah, you know
what? Maybe it is.
447
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:41,668
Well, you can't blame me
for try... Wait, what?
448
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,204
I mean, everything is
changing. You know? I...
449
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,240
I feel like a relic
from another time.
450
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,608
Well, lucky for you,
451
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,311
I have got
the contract right here.
452
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,114
I've been carrying
this around since 2012.
453
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:57,817
All I have to do
is change the date,
454
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,120
cross out your
late wife's name--
455
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,355
my condolences, by the way.
456
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,591
Can you believe I've owned
this place for 47 years?
457
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,226
Yes, very long time.
458
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,461
You're getting tired,
you're slowing down.
459
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,462
Now you have the black guy.
460
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,663
His name is Franco.
461
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,132
Yes, I know. Ha, ha.
462
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,466
I was just making
sure you knew
463
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,168
who I was talking about.
464
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,736
Anyway, he seems like
he knows what he's doing.
465
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,105
Yeah, I know.
466
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,706
He's talented, he's ambitious.
467
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,641
But there's a lot
he doesn't know yet.
468
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,676
Yeah? What's to know?
It's just donuts.
469
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,612
No, I wouldn't say that.
470
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,614
People think that donuts
are just something you eat,
471
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,749
Well, not to me it isn't.
No, no way,
472
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,351
they mean a hell of a lot
more to me.
473
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,719
Yes, of course.
474
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,555
Uh, I'm gonna need
your thumbprint.
475
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,657
You know, Fawz, in this crazy
and uncertain world,
476
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:41,094
what could be more comforting
than a... than a donut?
477
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,629
And a cup of coffee, huh?
478
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,597
To be the one
to bring that to people,
479
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,567
I mean, there could be
no higher calling than that.
480
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,837
You know something,
if happiness was a food,
481
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,572
this is where you'd find it.
482
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,806
Very moving.
483
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,376
Do you happen to have
two forms of ID?
484
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,810
See, that's what that kid
doesn't understand.
485
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,712
No, he's got big ideas.
486
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,749
He just doesn't see
the big picture.
487
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,217
Okay. Well, you know.
Here, just... Here you go.
488
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,887
Thank you, Fawz.
Thank you very much.
489
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,190
Oh, there you go.
490
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,891
I was starting
to get worried.
Why?
491
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,893
'Cause it's cold out
and you're old as hell.
492
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,662
Yeah. Well, I'm fine.
493
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,297
Just follow me.
494
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,632
Put on an apron.
495
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,501
For what?
496
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,836
'Cause I'm gonna teach you
how to make a jelly donut.
497
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,872
Right now?
Yeah.
498
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,275
You started with the old
fashioned. Now it's jelly.
499
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,777
And then we'll...
we'll move on, huh?
500
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:34,347
To, uh, fritters,
long johns, bear claws.
501
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,782
And what brought this on?
Well, I was thinking.
502
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,750
You know, you got potential,
but there's a hell of a lot
503
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,818
you don't know yet.
504
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,521
Understood. And thank you.
505
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,822
So why don't you get me
that raspberry jelly?
506
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,491
Okay. All right.
507
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,794
You know what'd be dope?
508
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,529
Like, instead of a jelly donut,
509
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,498
we did a peanut butter
and jelly donut.
510
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,533
Peanut butter?
Sorry. You're right.
511
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,467
I'm overstepping.
512
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:55,502
No, I like it.
513
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,836
Really?
Yeah.
514
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,871
(chuckles)
All those hipsters, huh?
515
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,241
With their bikes
and their coloring books.
516
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,942
Oh, they j...
517
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,646
they just love reliving
their childhoods, don't they?
518
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,449
(laughs) And they love paying
eight dollars for almond milk.
519
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,783
(both laugh)
520
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,386
You can't get
no milk from almonds.
521
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,556
Okay. Let's see
if we can make
522
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,891
a peanut butter
and jelly donut, huh?
523
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:19,959
Now, pass me that yeast.
524
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,228
Oh, can I measure it?
525
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,362
Nope.
Can I pour the flour?
526
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,297
Nope.
This is gonna be fun.
527
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,674
Here it is, our
new flavor. PB&J.
528
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:35,908
I'll go.
529
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:43,416
I can't feel my face.
530
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,618
Are there peanuts in these?
531
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,620
Yeah. What'd you think
the "PB" stood for?
532
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,689
"Probably bacon"?
ARTHUR: Oh, no.
533
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,824
I'm allergic to peanuts.
534
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,260
Oh, my God.
What can we do for you?
535
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:56,263
Luckily, Pudgy is
allergic to bees.
536
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,666
Let's hope dog EpiPens
work on humans.
537
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,269
Stay with us, Tush.
538
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,503
(grunts)
539
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,605
See?
540
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:09,976
What fun. This is what you
missed when we had Wi-Fi.
541
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,745
It's true. Now we can talk
to each other,
542
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,647
forge real human connections.
543
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:18,251
Hey, Franco talked me
into getting Wi-Fi. Huh?
544
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,420
So it's there if you want it.
545
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,990
Yeah, nice knowing you.
Thank God.
546
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,793
Oh, come on.
You guessed my new password?
547
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,528
Is "iraqilovejockey"
that obvious?
38868
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