All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E25 The Closed Circuit 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

- Eastman Kodak Company is happy
to bring you America's favorite

family, the Nelsons: Ozzie...

[music playing]

Harriet...

[music playing]

David...

[music playing]

And Ricky.

Like most of us, they
enjoy their good times over

again in snapshots
and, of course,

in their own home movies.

Ozzie and Harriet have
lots of family movies

they enjoy over and over again.

That's an idea you can follow.

With a new Kodak
Brownie Movie Camera,

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and enjoy whenever you like.

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They're a wonderful
gift for any family.

Now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- Oh, hi, Clara.

I'm almost ready.

- Are you ready enough
for me to wait downstairs,

or shall I come up?

- Well, you can come
up if you want to,

but I'll be right down.

- Oh, well, then if
you will, I won't.

- You make yourself comfortable.
- How comfortable?

How long are you going to be?
- I'm all ready.

- Oh, Harriet.

I love your new suit.

- Oh, thanks.

But it isn't new.

- It isn't?

Honestly, Harriet, I
don't know how you do it.

- Do what?

- Keep all your old
things looking like new.

All my old things
look like old things.

Except this, this is new.

- Yeah, I thought so.

It's very smart.
Oh, hey.

Wait a minute.

I have to leave
a note for Ozzie.

- Why, for heaven's sake?

- Well, in case I'm not home in
time to get his dinner for him.

- Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I didn't leave one for Joe.

- Well, how will he know?

- Well, it's simple.

If I'm home, he'll
know I'm home.

If I'm not home, he'll
know I'm not home.

He'll figure it out
sooner or later.

- Well, if I'm going to
be late, I'll phone him.

[music playing]

You know, I'm kind of
sorry I got mixed up

in this election thing.

It seems to me we've been at
that Women's Club day and night

for the past week.

I'm beginning to feel guilty
about letting Ozzie eat out

so much.

- Why?

- Well, at least now he'll
get to like the idea.

- Oh, gee, I never
thought of that.

Do you suppose Joe's
beginning to like the idea?

- I wouldn't be surprised.

Every man likes
a little freedom.

- Oh, well, I don't mind
giving him a little freedom

as long as I know where
he is all the time.

- Well, you know
where he is now?

- No, he hasn't reported
in for the last hour.

- But you know where he is.

He's working.

- Oh, yes, of course.

He gives me his
paycheck every week.

[car engine starts]

Harriet.

- Hmm?

- Do you think a man like
Joe would stoop to forgery?

- Come on, Clara.

We'll be late.

[music playing]

- Hey, don't turn on
the television set.

I'm trying to study.

- There's a program
I want you to see.

- What's that for?

- Just watch the screen.

- Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.

Do you know this young man?

- Hey, that's a picture of me!

We're trying desperately
to locate him to inform him

that he is the
winner of $60 million

in the Tasmanian Sweepstakes.

- What the heck is that?

- Congratulations, David.
You're rich.

- If David Nelson
doesn't claim this money

within the next
three minutes, it

will go to his brother Ricky.

- Hey, what are you doing, Joe?

- Joe?

What is this, anyway?

- Television.

Come on, I'll show you.

[music playing]

- You mean you built this
thing all by yourself?

- Well, a man at the
radio store helped me,

but I put it together.

- How's it work?

- You know how a radio works?

- Well, yeah, sort of.

- Well, this works the same
way, except with a picture.

Here, it tells about
it in this book.

- You mean you can actually
broadcast a television

program with this thing?
- Well, yeah.

Well, it's like
a closed circuit.

You have to have it connected
directly to the television set.

We have this one connected
to your set upstairs.

- Well, where's the
sound come from?

- From that microphone.

- Yeah, here it is, right here.

- Ricky got this picture
of you out of the album,

and I held it up in
front of the camera.

- We've got a whole
show cooked up.

We're going to surprise pop.

- Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

[door slamming]
- Wait a minute.

Pop just came in the front door.

- Are you sure
that's your father?

- Yeah.

Have you ever heard my mom
tell me not to slam the door?

- Yeah.

- Well, I inherited
that from Pop.

- Hi, Pop.

- Oh, hi, Dave.

Where's your mother?

- Oh, she's down at
the Women's Club.

- Geez, so late again?

- Well, they're having their
annual elections this week.

Do you mind if I
watch television?

- No, go ahead.

I'm just browsing
through the paper.

[background noises]

[music playing]

- Would you repeat the
last part of that question?

- Hey, it's Ricky!

- So it is.

- Did you know about this?

Harriet!

- She's down at
the Women's Club.

- Oh.

- What does the
formula H2O stand for?

[music playing]

- Water!

- Oh, thanks, Pop.

Water.

[music playing]

- [chuckling]

- You have just reached
the second plateau.

- Thank you.

And I owe it all to that grand
old gentleman, my father.

[music playing]

- Where's this
coming from, Dave?

Don't tell me the zoo.

- It's coming from our basement.

Joey Randolph's got a
television camera down there.

[music playing]

- Just made one mistake, though.

- What's that?

- Well, they should have used
a more recent picture of me.

It's a good likeness, though.

- This is the wonder
of the age, ladies.

This little miracle slicer
will slice cucumbers, carrots,

celery, and fingers.

- You have to have that on, Pop?

- Oh, you don't want to
hurt the kid's feelings.

- How are they going to know?

- I'll tell him.

- What are you, a
spy or something?

- I just want to
check the reception.

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it.

Hello?

- Oh, hi, dear.

- Oh, hi.

Would you turn the
television set down?

It's your mother.

Where are you?

- Well, I'm still
at the Women's Club.

It's going to be a long
meeting, and I was wondering

if you were getting hungry.

- Oh.

Well, yeah, you know me.

I've been hungry
for about an hour.

- Oh, that's a shame.

Well, the meeting's still on.

I hate to suggest
this, but why don't you

and the boys go out and
get something to eat?

- Oh, OK.

We'll stop over at the--
the drugstore again.

- Well, this is the last week
of these darned elections,

thank goodness.
- Yeah.

Well, OK.
I'll see you.

- Bye.

- Bye.

[music playing]

- Thanks.

[music playing]

- Good evening, Mr. Nelson.

- Good evening.

[music playing]

- Hi, Joe.

Do you mind if I
join you for dinner?

- No, sit down, Oz.
Glad to have you.

- What's on the menu?

- Oh, a lot of things, but
most of them are crossed out,

so you'll probably end up
eating a cheese sandwich again

tonight.

- Is that what you got there?

- Well, that's what I ordered.

Looks like cheese.

Well, I guess it must be.

- What'll you have, Mr. Nelson?

- Oh, I guess I'll have
a cheese sandwich again.

- That's what I figured, so
I saved you an outside cut.

- There are no
more straight men.

- Where are the boys?

- Well, they're eating dinner
at the drive-in with your son.

- Oh, I got to tell
you about my boy, Joe.

You know what he built?
- Oh, yeah.

I just saw it.

Gee, it's great.

- Isn't it amazing?

- Yeah, and it works
beautifully, too.

- Wait a minute.

Are we talking about the same
thing, the television camera?

- Yeah.

Gee, the kids can do
anything nowadays.

Can't they?

- Anything except
get their mothers

to come home and cook dinner.

- How long do you think
that thing is going

to last at the Women's Club?

- Well, according to Clara,
just till the end of the week.

- No.

No, it can't be.

- Hi, Fred.
- That's right, Fred Edwards.

You're Joe Randolph, aren't you?
- That's right.

And this is--
- No.

Don't tell me.

Ozzie.
- Yeah.

That's right.

- I could never forget a name
like Ozzie, Ozzie Dipple.

- No.
No.

No.
Ozzie Nelson.

- Oh, sure.

- Sit down, Fred.
Join us.

- OK.

- Say, how long has it
been since we've seen you?

- It must be at
least five years.

- Closer to 10.

- It's closer to 20, but
what's the difference?

- How long have
you been in town?

- Oh, a couple of days.

You know, I'd have
thought both of you guys

would have been married by now.
- We are.

- We are.

- Well, then how come
you're eating dinner here?

- Oh.

Well, this isn't a
regular procedure,

although it has been this week.

This is election week
at the Women's Club,

and the wives are kind of busy.

- Here's your cheese
sandwich, Mr. Nelson.

Bread was a little
stale, so I toasted it.

- What are you doing here?

- I came in to eat dinner.

- Well, what are you
laughing at us for?

- Well, I'm not married.

I eat out all the
time, but being single

has its compensations.

So, uh, you guys
are hooked, huh?

- What do you mean hooked?

We're both happily married
and have nice families.

- OK.

I'm not knocking it.

It's just that it isn't for me.

- Tell him what your
boy just did, Joe.

- It really isn't anything.

- Well, sure it is.

Tell him.

- Well, he built a
television camera.

- No kidding?

How old is he, 45?

- 17.

- And who are you trying to kid?

- He did.

I saw it, and it works.

It works great, too.

- Please, Ozzie.

I believe you're
happily married.

- I'm talking about Joe's son.

- Yeah, OK.

He's happily married, too.

- Well, he built a
television camera.

- Joe did?

- No, my son did.

And if you don't
believe me, we'll

arrange for you to see it.

- I'd love to.

When can I come over for dinner?

- Well, tonight.

Hey, will you wrap up another
cheese sandwich, please?

- What did I tell you?

Terrific, isn't it?

- It certainly is.

[music playing]

- What are you laughing at?

- I was just thinking,
what would happen

if your wives came home and
turned on the television set

upstairs and there you were?

- What do you mean?

There we were where?

- In a nightclub, dancing
with a couple of blondes.

Well, even if they
saw it on television?

- No.
No.

They'd never believe it.

- Even if they saw
it on television?

- Now, wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

You mean we'd make believe
this was a nightclub

and then photograph
it and the wives

would think we were
actually in a nightclub?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Can't you just see their faces?

- It is pretty funny.

- But I'll tell
you one thing, it'd

give them a darn good scare.
- Yeah.

It'd teach them to come home
and get our dinners instead

of neglecting us the way they've
been doing the last week.

- It's a great idea, isn't it?

- Oh, it's-- it's ridiculous.

- It's the craziest
thing I ever heard of.

- Let's do it.

- Yeah.

Let's do it.

[music playing]

[music playing]

- This ought to do it.

- Here's the tablecloth, Pop.

- Well, that's one of your
mother's good tablecloths,

isn't it, Dave?

- Oh, it's supposed to
be a swanky restaurant.

- Where do you want
the camera, Pop?

Right about here?

- Yeah, that's about-- no.
No.

Better move it over here, Rick.

We don't want to
get the furnace in.

- We'll need something
behind the table.

- How about this?

- Hey, that's great.

- Where'd you get that?
- From the hall.

- You mean from the
hall in your house?

- No, the Elks Hall.

I picked it up last week
during the scavenger hunt.

- Oh, good for you.

Now we need a little nightclub
background atmosphere.

- Oh, I got some
of that right here.

[glasses clinking]

- Hey, that's all right, Rick.

- How about some music?

- I got Rick's record
player back here.

- What kind of
music do you want?

- Well, just a little
dance music, Dave.

Oh, would you mind bringing
that big candle over here,

please, Fred?

And do you have a match
where you light it?

[music playing]
No, Dave.

We need some dance music.

- Oh, this is dance music, Pop.

- Yeah, it's good rock and roll.

- Well, I know, but we want
something a little more

romantic to fit a nightclub.

- Now, what about some girls?

- Yeah!

No.

No girls.

- Well, you want atmosphere.

- Well, yeah, but you don't
have to see all the atmosphere.

After all, our wives are
going to be watching this.

We just want to worry them.

We don't want them
serving subpoenas on us.

[music playing]

[SINGING] Is your
time, your time.

- Hey, Rudy Vallée!

- Oh, no.

That's a home recording of Pop
doing his imitation of him.

- I thought I broke
that years ago.

- No.

Don't you remember?

You broke the real record.

- Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

You want to take
that off there, Dave?

- Hey, how about people
in this nightclub?

You want me to go
upstairs and put

on my tuxedo and kind of
weave through the scene

a couple of times?
- Oh, no.

That won't be necessary.

It's just going to be kind
of an interview type show.

Mr. Randolph and I will
be seated at a table.

- Hey, does anybody
need any makeup?

- Not me.

- Dad, you could sure use some.

You look awful pale
under these lights.

- Oh, here you go, Mr. Randolph.

Some of mom's lipstick.

- Oh, thanks, Rick.

Oh, this is silly.

What if I am a little pale?

That way, your mother
will know it's me.

- Hey, when do we go on the air?

- As soon as your
mother gets back home.

- How do you know
Mrs. Randolph's

going to be with her?

- Oh, well, she always stops
by for a cup of coffee.

Hey, wait a minute.
Here comes the car now.

Dave, you got my coat?
Thank you, son.

- Don't you think we should
have had a rehearsal first?

- We don't have
time for that now.

Dave, go upstairs and
turn on the television set

and make sure your
mother and Mrs. Randolph

are looking at it.
- OK, Pop.

- Well, sit down, Joe.

- I don't think I can go
through with this, Oz.

I'm nervous.
- Don't be silly.

What are you nervous about?

- Well, this is the first time
I've ever been on television.

[music playing]

- Oh!

[music playing]

- Oh, hi, Mom.
Hi, Mrs. Randolph.

- Hi, Dave.

- Hello, David.

I'll make some coffee.

- Oh, let me do
that for you, Mom.

Why don't you come in the den
and relax, watch television?

A lot of good shows on tonight.
- Oh.

- Sit right in the big
chair, Mrs. Randolph.

- Thank you, David.

- I'll turn the set on for you.

[background noises]

We have a loose connection.

- That's what Joe said
to me the other day.

About the television, that is.

- I'll go make your coffee.

- Oh, isn't he nice?

- Good evening, ladies and
whatever you brought with you.

- Well, he's funny.

- Here we are at the
beautiful Club Zsazsa.

They keep the
lights so dark here,

it's hard to know
where I'm working.

- Shall I try and
get something else?

- Oh, no.
He's funny, Harriet.

- Amidst this lush
tropical setting,

we have many world
famous visitors,

and we're going to interview
a few of them right now.

- I wonder if Lowell
Thomas is there.

- Good evening, gentlemen.

May I ask your names, please?

- Why, it's Joe and Ozzie.

- My name is Joe
Nelson, and this

is my friend, Ozzie Randolph.

- Oh, yeah.

- Looks like them, but
they have different names.

- I suppose you gentlemen
are out on the town tonight?

- Yes, we're "bach-ing"
it, you might say.

- What does that mean?

- It means they're in
for a lot of trouble.

- May I ask, how did
you hear about our club?

- Well, my sister,
Harriet, told me about it.

- Sister?

- Does she come down
here very often?

- Well, that's difficult to say.

I haven't seen her
in quite a while.

[chuckling]

- Don't let it worry you, honey.

They've just probably
had too much to drink.

[glasses clinking]

- Oh, thank you, waiter.

- Thank you.

Cheers.

- And I want to thank you fellas
for being such good sports.

And now, we have a
little surprise for you.

You're each entitled
to a free dance

with one of our
gorgeous showgirls.

- Say, that's a big surprise.

I think I'll take the blonde.

- I think I'll take the redhead.

- Well, that's a fine thing.

When I had my hair red,
he said he didn't like it.

- Oh, the station's
gone off, Harriet.

- Stomp your foot.

- Is the camera off, Joe?

- Yeah.

- Grab the table.

[background noises]

[stomping]

[music playing]

- How do you like that?

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

- Gee, Ozzie, sure
is a good dancer.

- I wonder how he's going to
like dancing with a broken leg.

[music playing]

[music playing]

- Well, I don't know about
you, but I've seen enough.

- Come on, let's go.

- Well, girls, I think
we've worried you enough.

We're not at a nightclub at all.

We're right downstairs
in the Nelson basement

with a special television set.

[chuckling]

Allow me to introduce the rest
of the cast, Mr. Fred Edwards,

whom you haven't seen for
a good number of years,

and, of course, our good
friend, Joe Randolph,

who played the
part of Joe Nelson.

And on the other side of camera,
we had Joe Randolph, Jr.,

and we were ably assisted by
David Nelson and Ricky Nelson.

We'll see you in
just a moment, girls.

[music playing]

Well, girls, have--

Dave, your mother
isn't in there.

- Are you sure they came home?

- Well, I'm positive, Pop.

I turned on the TV set for 'em.

- Well, then they must
have seen the show.

- Wait a minute.

Do you think it's possible they
could have switched the set off

before we got in
the explanation?

- Oh, that's a horrible thought.

- Hey, Pop?

Somebody's been using
this phone book.

- Hey, let me see that, Rick.

- It's open to nightclubs.

One of them's circled
with a pencil.

Club Zsazsa.

- Now, wait a minute.

That's where we are--

where we were making believe.

Fred, where did you get
the name "Club Zsazsa"?

- From the Club Zsazsa.

I go there once in a while,
and it's the first name

that came into my mind.

- Oh, well, that's great.

Now, the wives will think
we were really there.

- How are we going
to explain this?

- Well, don't look
at me, fellas.

A bachelor never has
to explain anything.

[doorbell ringing]

- Probably the police, wondering
what all the shouting is about.

Oh.
Good evening.

- Excuse me.

Is Fred here?

- Dolores.

Freddie, I'm glad I
caught up with you.

Man at the drugstore said
I might find you here.

Did you forget about our date?

- Oh, honey.

I'm so sorry, but I'll
make it up to you.

Oh, Dolores, Ozzie Dipple.

Nelson.
- How do you do?

- And Joe Randolph.

Dolores.

Well, so long, fellas.

I'll give you a call
in a couple of days.

- Nice to have met you.

- Oh, thank you.

[music playing]

That's great.

The whole thing is his idea, and
he leaves us holding the bag.

- Well, what do we do now?

- Well, we'll just have
to go over to Club Zsazsa

and explain to the wives
exactly what happened.

- Yeah.

I guess you're right.

[music playing]

- Go ahead, you first.

[music playing]

[club music playing]

[applause]

[club music playing]

- You see them?

- No, do you?

- I guess they didn't
come down here after all.

- Maybe they're
over at your house.

- Oh!

- I see you're leaving.
- Oh, Clara.

No, we're not leaving.

- I didn't think so.

You seemed to be having
such a good time.

- Well, it's just the whole
thing is a mistake, a big fake.

- You're not
kidding, both of you.

- Oh.

- For goodness sake,
will you listen?

- Look at this, some
girl's lipstick!

- Oh, it's not some
girl's lipstick.

It's mine.
- It's his.

Harriet, we weren't
on television.

- You were, too.
We saw you.

- No, no.
- Pardon me, folks.

Some television
equipment coming through.

- No.
No.

- Nice show, boys.

See you tomorrow night.

- It was a very
educational program.

- When you hear the
explanation of this,

you're going to die laughing.

[chuckling]

[chuckling trails off]

Oh.

[music playing]

The whole thing was done right
down in the basement here.

Now, where's the
television camera?

- What happened to the table?

- The table was-- we
were seated at the table,

and you heard those glasses.

Well, Dave had
those water glasses.

The television
camera was over here.

- Come on, home, Joe.

Goodbye.

- Clara, honey.

- Clara, honey.

Harriet, this is ridiculous.

I tell you, we put on
the television show

from right down here.

- Oh, I believe you, dear.

- Well, why didn't you say so?

You can trust me
after all these years.

- Of course, I trust you.

Besides, the last time I saw
this, it was up in the attic.

- Oh.

Not only that, I saw the boys
working on the television

camera this afternoon.

- Well, then what's the idea
of worrying me like this?

- Oh, I have to have
a little fun, too.

Besides, I just
happened to remember.

- [chuckling] So
then we came up here,

expecting to find
you girls laughing.

And you weren't here at all.

- I believe you, dear.

- No, Rick, don't turn
on the television set.

We've had enough
television for one night.

- We haven't hooked up over
at the Randolph's house.

We want to see if
it works that far.

Let me just try it once.

[music playing]

- Cut it out, Clara.

You almost hit me.

[music playing]

[crashing]

Clara!

[music playing]

- That works great.

[crashing]

- What are you doing?

- Well, I'm calling Clara.
- No.

No.
Don't do that.

This is the best show
I've seen in weeks.

Oh.

- Stop ducking, you coward.

[phone ringing]

- Here's the phone.

- I'll answer it.

I've got my eye on you.

Hello?

Oh, Harriet.

[music playing]

We are?

Oh, thanks.

Joe.
- No.

No.
No, Clara.

- No, I want to
tell you something.

- [chuckling]

[music playing]

[music playing]

- Hey, Mom, Pop.

Ricky's on television.

- You mean from down
in the basement?

- No, he's really on television.

[music playing]

- [SINGING] Well, my
bucket's got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Oh, well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

When I went up on the mountain,
I looked out in the sea.

I saw the crowds and the
fishes doing the bee-bop-bee.

Because my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

I'm going to see my baby
before the sun goes down.

I'm going to tell my baby
that I'm leaving town.

Because my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Oh, well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

Hey, guitarist.

[music playing]

Well, I'm standing on the
corner with a bucket in my hand.

I'm waiting for a woman
that ain't got no man.

Because my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, it's got a big hole in it.

Well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

When I went up on the mountain,
I looked down in the sea.

I saw the crowds and the
fishes doing the bee-bop-bee.

Because my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, it's got a big hole in it.

Well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, a big, big hole in it.

Well, my bucket's got a hole
in it, it don't work no more.

[girls screaming]

[applause]

[music playing]

"Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak
Company, who remind you

that the name "Kodak"
on your camera or film

is your guarantee of quality.

If it's made by Kodak,
you know it's good.

This has been an ABC Television
Network film presentation.