All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E19 David And The Mens Club 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

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[music playing]

- Harriet?

Oh, Rick, have you
seen your mother?

- No, I haven't.

I don't think she's
in there though, Pop.

[laughter]

- I can't find my putter.

I thought maybe she knew where--

Dave, have you seen
my putter anyplace?

- Oh, no, I haven't, Pop.

- I can't find it any--

I'm supposed to meet the
guys out at the golf club.

- Well, I'm sure it's
around here someplace.

I'll look in the den.
- We're you calling me before?

- Oh.

Yeah, didn't you hear me?

- No, I had the mixer going.

- Oh, well, why didn't
you turn it off?

- Well, I didn't know
you were calling me.

I just thought I
heard something.

In fact, I called you,
why didn't you answer me?

- Oh, well, I was in the closet.

- Oh, well, no wonder I
didn't hear you calling me.

- Oh, no, no, no.
[laughter]

I was just in the closet
when you were calling me,

not when I was calling you.
[laughter]

- Glad we got that
straightened out.

- Yeah, have you seen my putter?

- Let me think.

Weren't you practicing putting
with it here in the living room

the other night?

- Well, yes, I was.

When was that?

- I think it was that
cold, rainy night

we had the fire going, was--

- Oh, yeah.

- Here.
[laughter]

- Oh, my.

Thanks very much.
- Any time at all.

- Oh, hey, when you're
finished with it, put it back.

It's great for turning logs.

[laughter]

- Oh, I see you
found your putter.

- Yeah, your mother
had confiscated it.

Did you want to play some golf
with us this afternoon, Dave?

- Oh, no, thanks, Pop.

- You better be
careful of David, Pop.

He's in quite a
disagreeable mood today.

- Oh, I can't believe that.

- I mean just
because I don't want

to sit around the malt
shop tonight with you

and your high school buddies?

- We're not going to sit
around the malt shop.

We're going to a show.

- Dave, don't you have a
date tonight or anything?

- Well, I hadn't
planned on anything.

- Well, look, I have an idea.

Tonight's the monthly
meeting of the Men's Club.

Why don't you come
over there with me?

- Yeah, that's where
you belong, Dave,

with the rest of the old men.
[laughter]

- Just a second, I resent that.

- Oh, not the old, old man.

[laughter]

- How about it, Dave?

You might enjoy it.

You're going to be joining
probably in a few years anyway.

They usually have some
refreshments, some coffee,

and sandwiches.

A lot of nice fellas over there.

- Yeah, may I take
you up on that, Pop.

- Oh, good.

Oh, if you'd like to learn
a little about the club,

its purpose is and all,
you might read the bylaws.

- Well, sure, where are they?

- Right in the den there, in
the big desk, the top drawer.

- Oh, thanks, Pop.

- Aren't you better get going?

- Oh, yeah, I'm
leaving right now.

- Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't you take
this along, too?

It might come in handy
in the sand traps.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hey, what did you have
on the sixth hole, Darb?

- 5.
- You had a 6.

- I had a 5.

I was on the green in 3, and
two putted into the hole.

- Yeah, but that
was a gopher hole.

[laughter]

- Oh, how was I to know?

There was a flag
sticking out of it.

- Well somebody probably
put it there by mistake.

We'll give you a 6.

What'd you get on
the last hole, Oz?

- I got a 5.
- A 5?

- Well, yes, I was in
the sand trap in 2.

And I took one to get
out and I 2-putted.

That's five.

- Well, that's not fair.

If he gets a 5 on
that hole, I should

have a 5 on my gopher hole.

[laughter]

- Why, for goodness sakes?

- I saw you, Oz.

You used a fireplace shovel
to get out of the trap.

[laughter]

- I did not.

I used the fireplace shovel
to smooth the sand over

after I'd gotten out.

- It looks like I got the only
honest score in the crowd.

- Oh, that'll be the day.

I saw you using that
foot bashi out there.

- Well, you know,
when they're rules,

you're allowed to improve
your lie on the fairway.

- Well, yeah, but you're not
allowed to tee the ball up.

[laughter]

- Hey, Doc, you're going to
the Men's Club meeting tonight?

- Well, that all depends.

You're going to give a
treasurer's report on it?

- No, it isn't due yet.

- Well, in that
case, I'll be there.

[laughter]

- I am going to
give a short report.

That is, bring
things up-to-date.

- Oh, well, I may not be
able to make it after all.

[laughter]

- It's very short.

It's just a report on the
surplus for the annual outing.

Oh, by the way, I've
invited a guest over

to the meeting tonight.

- Good, what's her name?

[laughter]

- It isn't a she.

- Oh, dear, I thought maybe you
were bringing a fan dancer over

to kind of liven
things up a little bit.

[laughter]

- No, I invited David.

- Oh, well, that's
good, but Oz, won't he

be bored sitting around with
a bunch of old fogies like us?

- Hey, wait a second?

I resent being classified
as an old fogey.

- That's OK, as long
as you don't deny it.

[laughter]

- I thought it
might be a nice idea

to get some of the young
fellows interested in the club.

- I think it's a very good idea.

And if you're sure
David's going to be there,

I'll ask my nephew.

- Oh, great!

Hey, maybe we could interest
some of the other fellows

and inviting their sons over.

- Gee, I think
that's a swell idea.

I don't think my boy's
doing anything tonight.

Maybe Joe Randolph would
like to ask his son.

- Well, just a
second now, before I

agree to go, just
how long did you

say that treasurer's
report would take, Oz?

- Not long.

Like a minute, a minute and
a half, something like that.

- Well, frankly, it isn't
the report that worries me.

It's that three-hour speech
of yours that leads up to it.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- I think it's a very nice idea.

- Oh, thank you.

Everybody seemed to think so.

Looks like we have a lot
of the young fellas there.

- You're going to go, David?

- Yeah, I think I will.

Sounds like it might
be interesting.

- You better think
this over carefully.

You really think
you're mature enough

to mingle with these older men?

[laughter]

- I think I might be
able to handle it.

- I can remember when he
was just a little boy.

Now the Men's Club.

And it gets you right
here, doesn't it, Mother?

[laughter]

- Please, not
while we're eating.

[laughter]

- Well, actually, I'm
glad Dave decided to go.

I think he'll have a good time.

A lot of fine men in the club.

Beside that, they do so much
good work for the community.

- Yeah, you know,
I was surprised

when I read the bylaws.

Gave me a much clearer view
of the purposes of the club.

- May I ask a question here?

- Well, certainly.

- You can't go to the meeting.
You're not 21.

[laughter]

- That wasn't a question.

- What did you want to know?

- Can I have another
piece of cake?

[laughter]

[music playing]

[bangs gavel]

- Order.

Order, please.

First of all, I want to welcome
the young men who are with us

tonight.

Stand up, fellas,
and take a bow.

[applause]

- Get up, son.

- Oh, dad.

- Go ahead, all the
other boys are standing.

[laughter]

- We hope you young
fellows enjoy the meeting,

and we want you to
feel right at home.

In fact, we'd like you
to take an active part

in any discussions tonight.

- How about a big hand
for Brother Nelson?

He's responsible for
all the young fellas

being here tonight.

[applause]

- Now, Mr. Secretary, will
you please read the minutes

of the last meeting?

- Mr. President, I move
we forget the minutes

and get down to the
important business.

How much extra money
do we have this year

and how are we
going to spend it?

- I second the motion.

- I make it unanimous.

[laughter]

[applause]

- OK, If there are no
objections, Mr. Treasurer,

it looks like it's up to you.

Let's hear your report.

- Thank you, Mr. President.

- Get to the point, Oz.

How much do we got?

[laughter]

- Well, I'll make it brief.

I've checked our books
and I've got good news.

Believe it or not, the
club has a total of $284,

free and clear.

[cheering and applause]

- Order.

Order, please.

Thank you, Oz.

Well, now, I guess
it's up to us to decide

what to do with the money.

- I got an idea.

How about renting a banquet
room at the Palace Hotel

and putting on a big steak
dinner with all the trimmings?

- Yeah.
[applause]

- Let's do something
different this year.

- How about getting tickets
for everybody for the fights?

[interposing voices]

- Mr. President,
gentlemen, if I may,

I think I've got
a good idea, not

that the others
weren't good, too,

but I think this one is better.

How about renting a bus and
taking the whole club up

to the lake for
a day of fishing,

complete with beer,
food, and the works?

[applause and cheering]

- Wa-- wa--

wait-- wait a minute,
wait a minute, gentlemen.

I think Mr. Frisby
has a suggestion.

Mr. Frisby?

- I forgot what it was.

[laughter]

- Why don't you take a vote
on the fishing trip, huh?

- Well, before we do that, I
think it might be a nice idea

to hear from our young guests.

- Yeah, yeah, let's hear
it from the young guys.

They a good time
when they see one.

[laughter]

- Now, Dave, what do you think?

- Well, just a thought, Pop.

- Mr. President, my
son has a suggestion.

- Hi, let's hear it, Dave.

Dave Nelson.

[applause]

- Well, maybe it isn't
a very good idea.

I don't want to
interfere or anything.

- No, no, no, no,
let's hear it, David.

- Sure, Dave, go ahead.

We're always open
to good suggestions.

- Well, as I understand, there's
a surplus in the treasury

and you want to figure out
the best way to spend it.

- Yeah, that's the general idea.

- Well, my father suggested
that I read over your bylaws

before I came here
tonight so I could learn

what the club is all about.

And since the Men's Club motto
is service to the community,

I thought maybe, in
keeping with your motto,

you might like to donate the
money for some civic cause.

- I didn't even
know we had a motto.

[laughter]

- It's just an idea.

- May I say something?

- Oh, certainly, Bob.

- Well, I think Dave
has a good idea.

It's certainly in keeping
with what my father said

this organization stood for.

- Well, I think Dave
and Bob are right.

I know an outing or a fishing
trip would be a lot of fun,

but it seems a shame
to blow in nearly $300

when there are so many
worthwhile things that

could be done with the money.

[interposing voices]

- I knew it was a mistake
to bring you kids here.

[laughter]

- I haven't said a word.

[laughter]

- Well, we've had a lot of
interesting suggestions from

the members and non-members.

Perhaps, we'd better
put it to a vote.

Now, all in favor of going
on the fishing party, please

raise your hands.

[laughter]

Well, all in favor of donating
our money to some worthy civic

cause, as Dave Nelson suggested,
please raise your hands.

[music playing]

[laughter]

- I-- I guess it's unanimous.

And I might add I
think it's a fine idea.

- Oh, I agree.

[laughter]

- Me, too.

[laughter]

[applause]

- Gentlemen, suppose
we take a short recess

for some refreshments.

- Oz, as I recall it, asking
the young fellows here

was your idea, wasn't it?

- Well, yeah.

- Well, then as
your physician, may

I suggest you slip
out the side door as

soon as the meeting is over?

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

- Morning, Dad.

- Oh, good morning, Rick.

- Morning, Dad.

- Good morning, Rick, again.

- Oh, no, I was talking
to the other dad, Dad.

[laughter]

- How'd you old timers
make out last night?

- Fine.

- How'd you youngsters
do at the malt shop?

- Well, great.

They didn't ask us
to leave till 12:30.

[laughter]

- I see you guys made
the papers this morning.

- We did?

Well, gee, we left quietly.

[laughter]

- I mean, your father.

- I didn't say anything.

- It's on the inside
section there.

Oh, here it is.

Excuse me, Rick.

"Men's club donates outing
fund for public service.

At a meeting of the men's club
last night, Mr. Ozzie Nelson

suggested that the Men's Club
give up their annual outing

and donate the funds to
some worthy public service.

The suggestion met
with instantaneous

and unanimous approval
from the members.

Mr. Nelson was appointed
head of a committee

to determine exactly what
should be done with the funds."

- Hey, how about that?

- I think it's an
excellent suggestion.

- Well, it isn't
exactly true, though.

It wasn't my suggestion,
it was Dave's.

- Oh, that's all right, Pop.

You can take the blame--
uh, the credit.

[laughter]

- What do you mean the blame?

- Well, I got to thinking
about it afterwards

and I'm not sure I
did the right thing.

The men were going to spend
the money for a fishing trip

or something like that, and I
kind of talked them out of it.

- No, no, no, you didn't
talk us out of it.

- No, you probably
shamed them out of it.

[laughter]

- Well, that's the point.

After the members gets
through reading this article,

they're liable to be
pretty sore at Pop.

- No, no, don't worry
about that, Dave.

They were sore at me
before the article.

[laughter]

- I mean, I don't see why
they should be sore at me.

After all, I didn't
write the bylaws.

- No, but you brought
me to the meeting

and that's what started
all the trouble.

- Oh, no, there's
no trouble, son.

We've just got to figure out
what to do with the money.

In fact, I think
it'd be a good idea

if you served on the committee.

- Oh, gee, Pop.

- Well, go on.

You started it, you
might as well finish it.

[laughter]

- Oh, I'm willing
to help, I just

don't have any suggestions.

- Would you like to
hear one from me?

- Well, sure.

- Well, the recreation
hall at the Women's Club

certainly could use a new piano.

- Hey, that's a great idea.

Then the kids could have their
Friday night dances again.

You got a deal, Harriet.

- Well, thank you, dear.

I'll call the
president and tell her.

- Hey, you see?

As it turns out, it wasn't
such a big problem after all.

So you see, fellas, it wasn't
such a big problem after all.

All we have to do is
buy a secondhand piano,

donate it to the Women's
Club, and we're all set.

- Well, I'm afraid it isn't
as easy as all that, Oz.

I happened to mention
this thing to Sally,

and she suggested that we
use the money to repair

the fountain in the park.

- [laughs] Well, who
cares about that?

- Well, she's on the
Civic Improvement League,

and that's one of
their projects.

- Well, then let
them worry about it.

- [chuckles] Well,
wait a minute.

You've missed the
whole point here.

I told her I thought it
was a pretty good idea

and that we'd go ahead
with the project.

- Well, you shouldn't
have done that,

not without consulting
the committee first.

- Well, you did the same
thing with the piano

and the Women's Club.
- Well, that's nothing.

My father promised you'd use the
money for a new landing field.

- Landing field for airplanes?

-- No, model airplanes.

My uncle runs a
hobby shop, and he

says the kids in
the neighborhood

don't have any place
to fly their planes.

- Gee, it looks like we all
fell into the same trap.

I promised my wife we'd
buy some new playground

equipment for the PTA.

- Oh, great.

Gee, this whole
thing's my fault.

I shouldn't have thought up
the idea in the first place.

- Well, it isn't
your fault, David.

It's your father's.

He should never have planted
that idea in your head.

[laughter]

- I didn't plant
anything in his head.

I-- I-- I-- just suggested
he read the bylaws.

And when it comes right
down to it, David's right.

After all.

The purpose of the Men's Club
is for civic improvement.

- Sure, we all know
that David's right,

but we've been goofing
off for so many years,

it's hard to get
used to the idea.

- Well, it's obvious we
don't have enough money

to take care of
all these things,

so we'll just have to
eliminate the unimportant ones

and concentrate on one project.

- Well, that piano
certainly isn't important.

The kids have been getting
along without that pretty well.

- Well, that's true of the
model airplane field, too.

[doorbell rings]
- I'll get it.

- Oh, thanks, Wally.

Well, I don't know why
the PTA is involved

with playground equipment.

- Well, yes, obviously
the first thing

we can eliminate is the PTA.

- How do you do?

I'm Mrs. Hotchkiss from the PTA.
[laughter]

- Uh, yes?

- I was told the Men's
Club committee is having

their meeting here today.

- Oh, yes.

Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

- They're right in the den.

[laughter]

- OK, that's one
obstacle overcome.

Oh!
[laughter]

- I'm Mrs. Hotchkiss
from the PTA.

- Oh.

[laughter]

- Please sit down, gentlemen.

- Oh, won't you--

Uh, won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

I hope I'm not
interrupting your meeting.

- Oh, no, go right ahead.

- I was send here by the
projects committee of the PTA.

We want to thank you so much
for your generous offer.

- Oh, you mean about
the playground?

- Yes.

- Well, that was my idea.

In fact, I had a
little difficulty

convincing my friends
here that this project

had more merit than some of
the others we were considering.

- Oh.

- You mean there's
still some doubt?

- Well, there may
have been, but it's

my guess there isn't any now.

[laughter]

- No, I'm not sure there isn't.

- Oh, thank you so much.

I'll go back and make my
report to the committee.

- Oh.

[laughter]

- Thank you, again.

Goodbye.

- [stuttering] I'll
just-- go right on with--

[laughter]

- I think we've made
a very wise move.

- Oh, yes.

So do I. And I move we
appoint you a committee of one

to explain to our wives why
we haven't followed through

on their projects.

[laughter]

- I hate to keep
butting in here,

but I don't see why you have to
give up all the other projects?

- Well, it's a simple
matter of arithmetic, Dave.

How can we afford them?

- Well, I have one more
suggestion and then I'll quit.

- You mean there's something
else in those darn bylaws we've

forgotten?
[laughter]

- I was just thinking
of a way that you

could keep your promises
and do all the projects.

Just spend the money
for the materials

and let the members do
the work themselves.

- An excellent suggestion, Dave.

Remind me to send in my
application for membership

about six months from now.

[laughter]

I heard that, Wally.

- All right, I'll help.

- Well, it was my suggestion,
so I guess I ought to help, too.

- Well, I think it might be
a nice idea if you got all

the young fellows to pitch in.

After all, it's a
community project.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

- Oh, no, Pop, we wouldn't
want to spoil your fun.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[knocks on door]

- Hope this is the right place.

- Yeah, it is.

- Oh, good afternoon,
we're from the Men's Club.

We came about the piano.

- Oh, yes.

- It's awfully nice of
you to donate it to us.

- Well, you're doing me a favor
by getting it out of the house.

- Oh, thank-- whereabouts is it?

- Well, you go around to
the back of the house,

turn right and down
a flight of steps.

It's in the playroom
in the basement.

- Oh, oh--
[laughter]

--thank you, very much.

- Thank you.

- Come on, boys.

[music playing]

- Come on, Doc.

What are you doing?

I'm setting up a
first aid station.

[music playing]

- Far enough, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Let's see how it sounds, Oz.

[playing piano notes]

- Oh, holy smokes.

[laughter]

- [SINGING] We were 16.

[vocalizing]

[SINGING] My village queen
down by the old mill stream.

My fair does dream.

[piano note]

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hey, who took my ladder?

- Oh, Darb came and got it.

- Gee, you're sure doing
a good job on that, Joe.

- Thanks, Butch.

Hey, wait a minute, you guys
are painting that pole, are you?

- Well, sure.

We're supposed to
paint everything.

[laughter]

- Well, how am I going
to get down from here?

- [laughs]

- Now, don't get excited, Oz,
this is quick-drying paint.

You can come down in two hours.

[laughter]

- Two hours?

- Say, Joe, will you help
me paint the grandstand?

You can finish this later.

- Oh.

Oh, sure.

- Hey, come back here.

Good luck, Oz.
Good luck, guys.

[laughter]

- Hey, hey, come
back here, you-- hey!

[laughter]

Wise guys.

Don't let the-- Stop it.

Don't play basketball yet.

Wait till I get this fixed.

Boys.

[laughter]

Boys, please.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hey, Wally, what
are you doing?

- I'm painting the sideline.

- Well, it's supposed to be
perpendicular to the back line.

- Well, that's
easy, I'll fix that.

- Are you kidding?

- Well, I got a better idea.

We'll paint the whole court
white and put in black lines.

Come on, Dave,
help me with this.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- I think that's about
good enough, isn't it?

- Yeah, I think it's about
as level as we can get it.

Looks pretty good to me.

- Can I use it now, Mister?

- Well, I guess so.

Do this look all right to you?
- Yeah!

- All right, then you
go ahead and try it out.

- Gee, thanks.

Can somebody start it up?

- Yeah, I'll help you.

[music playing]

- OK, let her go.

[toy plane buzzing]

[laughter]

- That's pretty good.

Yeah, how about that, Oz?

- Yeah, they didn't have toys
like that when I was a kid.

- Actually, when you were a
kid, they didn't have airplanes.

[laughter]

[buzzing continues]

- You think you can
run that thing on?

- Oh, sure.

- Yeah, let's see you.

- Kidding?

- Stay down, Oz.
Don't lose your head.

- No.
[laughter]

- Oz, it's going to take
us forever to get this

merry-go-round painted.

- I have an idea.

Why don't we spin it and
then hold the brushes out

and paint it as it goes by?
[laughter]

- I agree with you.
just give it a whirl.

[music playing]

[bang]

[laughter]

[music playing]

[yells]

[laughter]

- Darb, you did that on purpose!

[laughter]

[music playing]

- [laughs]

- Can you use this, Oz?

- Oh, I don't think so.

Thanks, Joe.

I'm afraid it's a lost cause.

I've turned on about everything
I can find and nothing happens.

Come to think of
it, I don't think

I've seen any water come
out of this thing for years.

Have you?
- I don't think I have either.

- Hey, Pop, maybe
this turns it on.

- Oh, no, that's nothing.

That just hooks up with
the sprinkler system

at the golf course I think.

- Can I try it?

- Go ahead.

[laughter]

- Hey!

Hey!

- Hey, Oz, don't go away.

We'll get you a cake of soap!

[laughter]

- Ozzie, wake up.

[horn honks]

- What's the matter?

- Well, It's 8:00.

Your pals in the Men's
Club are waiting for you

out in the backyard.
[horn honks]

- We finished all
the work yesterday.

- Well, they've got one
more project lined up.

- Oh, well, I'm too tired.

Will you tell him to go away?

- No, you better
tell him yourself.

Besides, I think you're
going to like this one.

- Hey, Oz!

- What's this all about?

[honks horn]

- Oh, hi, fellas.

- Come on, Oz, the
fish are jumping!

[laughter]

- Oh, hey, I'll be right there!

What a wonderful surprise.

I didn't know anything
about a fishing trip.

Whose idea was this?

- Well, let's just say it's
the friends of the Men's Club

showing their appreciation.

- What do you mean?

- Oh, when everybody heard
about a wonderful job

you fellas were
doing, they figured

it'd be a shame to have you
miss out on your fishing trip.

- So the PTA donated the bus.

And the Women's Club
made the sandwiches.

And the model airplane
club dug the worms.

All you have to do is get in
the bus and you're on your way.

- Oh, gee.

Gosh, people sure are wonderful.

- Hey, was going on?

There's a lot of
noise in the backyard.

- Oh, well, Dave, you're just--

I'm glad you're up.

The fellows from the
Men's Club are here.

We're going on the
fishing trip after all.

You want to come along with us?

- Oh, no, thanks, Pop.

I think I'll sleep
a little longer

and then go over to the
malt shop this afternoon.

I'm afraid I'm not quite
ready for the Men's Club yet.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak
Company who remind you

that the name Kodak
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is your guarantee of quality.

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This has been an ABC television
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