All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E05 The Mystery Shopper 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

- Eastman Kodak Company
is happy to bring you

America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They enjoy good times together.

And, like most of us,
they know that good times

are snapshot times.

Right now there are lots
of good times ahead,

and everywhere,
vivid, new colors.

What a wonderful
season this fall.

Now, as never before, is the
time to save your fun in color.

With Kodacolor film, you
can take color snapshots

with a camera you now own.

Or to make your pictures
even more rewarding,

choose one of the new Kodak
cameras at your photo dealers.

They're modern in every way--

beautifully-styled, easy to use.

They range in price from
less than $10 to $175.

See them tomorrow.

And this weekend, save
your good times in color.

And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Boy, you sure did a good
job on this cake, Mom.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Yeah, it's great.

- Oh, I'm glad you
fellas liked it.

- Oh, hey, wait a minute.

I'm not finished with that.

One more piece.

Thank you.

You've been rushing
us all through dinner.

What's the big idea?

- I'm trying to go
down to the emporium.

- What's going on down there?

- Well, they're putting on
a very interesting stunt

this week--

a mystery shopper
contest in connection

with their annual sale.

- Mystery shopper contest?
What's that?

- Well, the emporium
has selected a woman

from the neighborhood to
act as a mystery shopper.

She's going to circulate through
the store during the sale,

and anybody who can identify
her by the last night

wins the prize.

- Well, how are you
supposed to identify her?

Is she going to wear
something special?

- No, nothing.

- Nothing?

Hey!

- Well, nothing
special, that is.

- What kind of a
contest is that?

How is anybody going to
pick her out of the crowd?

- Oh, well, they give
clues in the paper.

Look, here's her picture.

- Oh, well, why
didn't you say so?

This makes everything
just dandy.

All you have to do is
look for a pair of eyes

and a nose walking
around through the store.

- Let's see it, Pop.

This could be anybody.

It could even be you, Mom.

- Well, sure.

That's what makes
it interesting.

- Oh, Harriet.

It's just an advertising gimmick
to get people to go down there

and buy things.

- Well, there's nothing
wrong with that,

especially since they're giving
away some pretty good prizes.

Listen to this.

A washing machine, steam iron,
year supply of bubble bath.

- Well, what do I want
with those things?

- Well, you could
give them to me,

or you could take
the men's prizes--

a complete fishing
tackle outfit,

5 and 1/2 horsepower
outboard motor,

a year supply of
worms for fishing.

- Hey, that outboard
motor sounds pretty good.

- Yeah, I'll take that,
and you can have the worms.

Can I see that again, Mom?

You know, this looks
like Eddie Benson?

- Are you kidding?

It's a woman.

- I still think
it's Eddie Benson.

- Well, do you want
to go with me or not?

- Oh, I don't think so, Harriet.

- Well, why don't you
go down there, Pop?

We could really use
an outboard motor.

- Or the worms.

- Or the bubble bath
sounds very refreshing.

- I might go if I thought
there was a chance of winning.

- Well, you have as good
a chance as anybody.

- Oh, don't be silly.

You know who's going
to win, don't you?

- No.
Who?

- The husband of
the mystery shopper.

She's bound to tell him.

- Well, not necessarily.

- Well, you know as well
as I do a woman just can't

keep a secret from her husband.

- Oh, she can't, huh?

- Well, of course.

You never kept any
secrets from me, have you?

- Haven't I?

- Well, of course not.

Well, have you?

- Have I?

- Of course not.

- Have you?

- Harriet, have you?

- Are you going to
go with me or not?

- You're evading the question.

- You're evading my question,
and I asked you first.

- Well, I said I'm
not going to go.

It's just a gimmick to get
people down to the store.

- Well, naturally.

What else?

- Hi, Oz.
- Oh, hiya, Doc.

Come on in.
- Oh, hi, Doc.

- Hello, Harriet, boys.
[interposing voices]

- Oz, I got great news for you.

Next time we go fishing,
we won't have to row.

We can use my new
outboard motor.

- Oh, wait a minute, Doc.

Don't tell me you
think you're going

to win that phony
contest they're

having down at the emporium.

- What do you mean "phony"?

- Well, you know as well as I
do that's just a big advertising

stunt to get people to go
down there and buy things.

- Naturally.
Come on, Harriet.

Shirley's waiting
out in the car.

- OK, Doc.
Come on, dear.

Get your coat on.

- Well, I don't want to go.

I'll stay home and
watch television.

- Come on, Harriet,
leave him home.

He doesn't stand
a chance anyway.

- I think you're right.
- What do you mean?

I stand just as good
a chance as you do.

- Not if the contest is a phony.

- Who says it's a phony?

- Well, you just told me.

- Oh.

Well, what do I know about it?

Besides, it probably is.

- We're just wasting time.

Joe Randolph's probably
figured out who it is already.

- Joe Randolph?

- Sure, either Joe or Darby.

- Well, what do
they know about it?

- Oh, we're all going
to meet there tonight.

The girls thought
it might be fun.

- Well, so long, Oz.

- Have fun with
the dishes, dear.

- Hey, wait a minute.

I'll go with you.

- Hey, Pop!

- Have fun with
the dishes, boys.

- They sure have
a good crowd here.

- Well, they're giving
away some wonderful prizes.

- Well, I don't
think the contest

has too much to do with it.

They usually have a pretty
good crowd here, anyway.

- Say, I wonder if that
could be the mystery shopper.

- Oh, no, no.
- Why not?

It'd be pretty clever to
have the mystery shopper go

around making believe she's
looking for the mystery

shopper.

- Well, you guys can
stand there and argue,

but we know where
to look for her.

Come on, girls.
- Where?

- The clue's right
there in the paper.

- Say, I know who this is.

You see that little scar
on the end of the nose?

Well, I once removed
a word from Mrs.--

- Mrs. who?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Professional ethics
won't allow me to mention

the name of a patient.

- Oh, come on now.

- My paper doesn't have
a scar on her nose.

- Mine doesn't either.

- Well, my mine has a little
black speck down there.

- That's an ink spot.

They're all different.

- The pictures are the same.

It's just that
they look different

because of the printing.
- Say, that's not fair.

Somebody ought to
register a complaint.

- What for?

- Well, you can't tell
whether she's got a wart

on the end of her nose or not.

- Mrs. Jones
doesn't have a wart.

- Mrs. Jones?
- Mrs. Jones?

- Oh, well, that's just a
fictitious name, naturally.

- But if you ask me, I think
it's a fictitious wart, too.

- Say, I wonder what clue
the girls were talking about.

- Oh, well, there's a little
jingle right down here

at the bottom of the ad
for the mystery shopper.

"Heed this clue.

She's buying hoes,
and so should you."

Evidently, they want us to
go to the hosiery department.

- Well, you don't think they'd
make it that simple, do you?

- Well, it says hose
That's where they sell it,

in the hosiery department.

- Well, there are other
kinds of hoes too, you know?

- Men's socks?

- Well, yes, and garden hoes.

- Hey, garden hoes!

The hardware department.
Let's go.

- Come on!

[music playing]

- Well, this is the
gardening section,

but I don't see any women.

- There's one right over there.

Uh, look, I don't mean
to sound selfish, fellas,

but since this was my
idea and I saw her first,

I think maybe I ought to
go over and talk to her.

- It's OK with me.

I still think it's hosiery.

- I'll report back to you.

- Frankly, I agree
with you, Darb.

I think it's men's socks.

- Yeah?

Well, let's see
how he makes out.

- I beg your pardon.

Would you mind
telling me your name?

- Well, what for.

- Uh, well, I have an idea you
might be the mystery shopper.

- Oh, no, I'm very sorry.

I'm not.

- Oh.

Well, may I ask what
you're doing here

in the gardening department?
- I'm working here.

Oh, I'm the salesgirl.

May I help you?

- Oh.

Well, uh, yes.

Have there been any women
in here this evening?

- You mean besides me?

- [chuckles] Uh, yes.

Specifically, have there
been any women shopping

for garden hoes?

- Well, when I came back
from my dinner break,

there was a lady here.

And she was looking
at garden hoes.

- Oh, uh, well, could you
describe her for me, please?

- Well, let's see.

She was rather tall and blonde.

I couldn't see her
face very well.

She was wearing a veil.

- Wearing a veil?

Hey, that sounds
mysterious in itself.

Well, thank you very much.

- You're welcome.

- Well?

- No, she just
works here, but she

said there was a woman here
before who was tall and blonde

and was wearing a veil.

Hey, wait for me!

[music playing]

Uh, pardon me, but I
think I know who you are.

- I don't think you do.

- Oh!

Aren't you the mystery shopper?

- Oh, no, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

I'm with the police department.

- Oh!

[chuckles]

- I'm looking for
shoplifters and mashers.

- Oh!

[chuckles] Well, I'm
certainly not a shoplifter.

The veil...

Well, good luck.

[music playing]

Hi.
- Oh, hello, dear.

Did you have any luck?
- Oh, no luck.

How about you girls?
- I'm afraid not.

There were a lot of
women here, but we

didn't recognize any of them.

- I'm ready to go home.

If somebody will
twist my arm a little.

- Who told you?

- What?

- Oh.

[bell ringing]

- Oh, the store is closing.

- Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.

The mystery shopper will be
here in the store again tomorrow

night between the
hours of 7:00 and 9:00.

Be sure and read your
newspapers for tomorrow's clue.

Oh, by the way, a gentleman has
just brought to our attention

a slight discrepancy in the
pictures of the mystery shopper

which appeared in
today's papers.

And in the interest
of fairness, we

wish to state that the mystery
shopper does not now have

nor has she ever had a wart
on the end of her nose.

- Well, I figured somebody ought
to get that point cleared up.

[music playing]

[groans]

- What's the matter?

- Well, for one thing,
my feet are killing me.

I must have walked about 10
or 15 miles through that store

tonight.

- Oh, stop complaining.

- What a way to
waste an evening.

- You enjoyed yourself,
and you know it.

Say, have you got any
room in your top drawer?

- For what?
- For these stockings.

I don't have enough
room for them.

- Hey, Pop?

Would you mind dropping
the other shoe, please?

- Oh.

Sorry, Dave.

- Thanks.

- What'd you buy all these for?

- Well, they were
such a bargain.

- Harriet, it's not like you to
buy something you don't need.

- Well, I stood around the
hosiery counter all evening.

I just had to buy something.

- Oh, so that's where you
spent the whole evening.

- Yes.

- Buying hose.

- Yes.

- Would the mystery
shopper heed this clue?

She's buying hose,
and so should you.

- What did you say?

- Oh, nothing.

Uh, Harriet, I'm going to
ask you one more question.

If you were the mystery shopper,
you'd tell me, wouldn't you?

- Would I?

- Well, I'm asking you.

- I thought you said wives
couldn't keep secrets

from their husbands.

- That's beside the point.

Uh, let me ask you a
different question.

If you were the mystery shopper,
you'd tell me, wouldn't you?

- Would I?

- Well, that's the answer
you gave me before.

- Well, it's the same
question you asked me before.

- I was trying to--

I, uh, well, good night, dear.

- Good night, dear.

- Well, where do we go tonight?

- I don't know.

Read that clue again, Darb.

- "Hurry.
Scurry.

Be sure not to lag.

The mystery shopper's
buying a bag."

- That's easy.

We head for the handbag counter.

- What makes you so
sure it's a handbag?

- Oh, for heaven's sakes, Oz.

What other kind of a bag
would a woman be buying?

- That's right.

- Well, she could be buying a
traveling bag or a golf bag.

- OK, Oz, last night we ended
up with a garden hose because

of you.

Tonight, we'll just
follow our own instincts.

- Well, do what you want.

As for me, I'll be over
in the luggage department.

- So long, Oz.

- Oh.

[chuckles] No, it's not me.

And it's not Eddie
Benson, either.

[music playing]

Just looking for
the mystery shopper.

Thought you might be
the mystery shopper.

Uh, I beg your pardon.

Would you mind telling
me your name, please?

- Well, not at all.

It's Benson.

- Eddie Benson?

- No, Barbara.

- Oh.

- You know, you're about
the 10th man that's asked me

my name tonight.

- Oh, well, I guess they
thought you were the mystery

shopper, too.

- Well, I don't know.

One of them asked
me at the bus stop,

and two others asked
me outside the store.

- Oh.

- I'm not the mystery shopper.

In fact, I'm looking
for her myself.

- Oh.

Well, have you had any luck?

- Not yet.

I've got a pretty
good method, though.

Every woman I look at, I try to
visualize with that black hood

on.
Have you tried that?

- Oh, well, it sounds
like a good idea.

- Why don't you try it
on this lady over here?

- Oh.

Oh!

- Well, hello!

- Oh, uh, hi.

I wonder why she bought
the baseball bat.

I, uh...

Excuse me.

- Certainly.

- How are you making out?

- Oh, Harriet.

Oh!

Uh, you mean with
the mystery shopper.

- Well, sure.

What did you think I meant?

- Uh, well, how are you doing?

- Oh, fine.

I don't know who the
mystery shopper is,

but I got a nice new handbag.

- Oh?

- "Hurry, scurry.

Be sure not to lag.

The mystery shopper
is buying a bag."

- What'd you say?

- Oh, uh, nothing.

Uh, didn't you buy
a handbag last week?

- Yes.

What's the matter?

- Nothing.

- Do you know
something I don't know?

- Maybe.

- Well, no fair keeping secrets.

- Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.

This ends the second night of
our mystery shopper contest.

Tomorrow night is the third
and final night of the contest.

Be sure to be here
to cast your vote.

Do you know who the
mystery shopper is?

- I don't.

Do you?

- Yes, as a matter
of fact I think

I have a pretty good idea.

[music playing]

- Boy, I sure hacked my way
around that course today.

- Me, too.

I just could not keep
my mind on the game.

I kept thinking about
that mystery shopper.

I wonder who it could be.

- Well, fellas, I guess
I shouldn't let you

in on the secret, but I
think I know who it is.

- Yeah, who is it?
- Who is it?

- Well, first of all,
you've got to promise

to share the prizes with me.

- Well, if you know who
it is, why don't you

just vote for her yourself?

- Well, when I
tell you who it is,

you'll understand why I can't.
Now, do you promise?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

- Yeah, we promise.
Who is it?

- OK.

It's Harriet.

- Harriet, who?

- Harriet, who?

Harriet, my wife.

That's why I can't vote for her.

See, according to the
rules, the mystery shopper's

immediate family is
not eligible to vote.

- You mean Harriet actually told
you she's the mystery shopper?

- Well, no, she didn't
tell me in so many words,

but she didn't deny it either.

And the evidence
points right to her.

- What evidence?

- Well, the first night,
for instance, the clue

said she'd be buying hose,
and Harriet bought a bunch

of stockings she didn't need.

And the second night, the clue
was she'd be buying a bag,

and Harriet bought a
bag she didn't need.

- Well, so did Clara.
- Yeah.

And what about Mary Dunkle?

- She did the very same thing.

And, fellas, if you'll
recall, Herb Dunkle

hasn't been around here
since the contest started.

- Yeah, he probably
knows it's Mary

and he doesn't
want to tip it off.

- Believe me, I'm
sure it's Harriet.

- Yeah, and you were sure
it was garden hoes, too.

- Yeah, and a golf bag.

- What about a golf bag?

- Well, why do you
think I bought this?

- Which way do we go?

- Well, here's the clue.

"After tonight and
the final test,

the mystery shopper's
feet get a rest."

- Would you read
that again, Darb?

- "After tonight and
the final test--"

- No, you don't have
to read it again.

- Why not?

I like to hear him read.

- I told you fellas who
the mystery shopper is.

- Who is it?

- Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I can't tell you.
- That's all right.

I know who it is.
- You know who it is?

Hey, you--!

- You're wasting your time.

I know who the
mystery shopper is.

I just want to prove it.

- Well, how are you
going to do that?

- Well, by following the clues.

Says right here, "her
feet get a rest."

Now, how does a woman
give her feet a rest?

- By sitting down in a chair.

I know, she's up in the
furniture department.

- The furniture--
- Oh, no.

The only way to give
your feet a rest

is put them in a nice,
hot Epsom salts bath.

I'm going to the
drug department.

- Epsom salts?

Look, you rest your feet
by not walking, right?

- Right.

- Oz, do they sell
bicycles in the store?

- Well, yeah, in the
sporting goods department.

- By golly, boy, you're right.

- "Give her feet a rest."

Uh, pardon me.

Do you have anything
like arch supports here?

- No, sir, we don't.

- Oh, well, I wanted you
to tell me something.

You're a salesman.

You're on your feet a lot.

What do you do to
give your feet a rest?

- Well, I usually bathe
them in hot Epsom salts.

- Well, thank you very much.

- Quite all right.

- Uh, excuse me.

Has there been anybody here this
evening asking for Epsom salts?

- Come to think of it, there
was, just a few minutes ago.

- Oh.

Well, uh, could you tell
me what she looked like?

- A bald-headed man
with a mustache.

- Oh.

[chuckles] Uh, do you have
anything else for tired feet?

- Yes, as a matter
of fact, we do.

We're having a sale on
a marvelous new foot

vibrator, right down here
at the end of the counter.

- Here you are, Madam.
- Well, thank you.

- Oh, Harriet, Clara!
- Hi!

- Oh.

- What are you girls
doing down here?

- Oh, nothing.

- I think you'll get a lot of
use out of that foot vibrator.

- Yes, thank you.

- Foot vibrator?

- Would you care
to see one, sir?

- Oh, uh, no thank you.

Well, I'll see you later, girls.

- Say, I think I'll
take one of those, too.

[music playing]

- Darn it, Doc, I still
say it's Clara Randall.

- No, sir, Darb.

It's Betty Van Skyler.

I'm sure of it.

- Fellas, I'm surer
than ever it's Harriet.

- Oh, you're all wrong.

It's definitely Mary Dunkle.

[interposing voices]

- Fellas, listen, let's
approach this scientifically.

Now, why do you
think it's Clara?

- Well, for one thing,
I just saw her down

in the novelty department.

And what do you
think she was buying?

She was buying a
little footstool.

And what do you do with
a little footstool?

You rest your feet on it.

Gentleman, I rest my case.

- OK, Doc, why do you think
it's Betty Van Skyler?

- Well, gentlemen, are
you troubled with corns?

- Look, Doc, this is no
time for a commercial.

- Well, evidently,
Betty Van Skyler is.

She was just over there
buying corn plasters.

And what do corn plasters do?

- Well, I still
say it's Harriet.

- It's Mary Dunkle.
- It's Betty.

- It is Clara.

- It's got to be Harriet.

Look, the first
night, she bought

stockings, which are hose.

- Well, so did Mary.

- Well, the second night,
Harriet bought a handbag.

- And so did Clara.
- Well, so did Betty.

- What about tonight?

Harriet bought a foot vibrator.

- Epsom salts would
have been better, Oz.

- I don't care what you guys
say, I still think it's Clara.

- Attention, please.

The balloting will
close in 30 seconds.

- Fellas, you've got
to vote for Harriet.

- You vote for her.
- I can't.

I'm ineligible.
I'm her husband.

- Well, I made up my mind.

- Me, too.

- Me, too.

[music playing]

- Why are they taking so long?

- Well, they've got an awful
lot of ballots to go through,

Clara.

- What are you so unhappy about?

- Well, I knew who the
mystery shopper was,

and I couldn't vote for her.

- Why not?

- Well, I was afraid they'd
rule me out on a technicality.

- It's OK, Oz.

I voted for her.

- Well, you did?

- Oh, now wait a second.

I voted for her, too.
- So did I.

- Well, that's swell.
Hey, remember our agreement.

You guys are going to
split the prizes with me.

- OK, OK, don't get excited.

- Well, just so we all
understand each other.

And I'll take the outboard.

- What do you mean you
will take the outboard?

I'll take the outboard.
- I'll take the outboard.

- Wait a minute.
I'll take the outboard.

I'm the one who--

- Attention, ladies
and gentlemen.

Here's the moment
you've been waiting for,

the identity of the
mystery shopper.

Could I have the
envelope, please?

- This is Mr. Frisby from
the First National Bank.

- How do you do, Mr. Frisby?

So good to have you with us.

Could I have the envelope?

Oh, uh, to make it official,
would you break the seal?

Thank you.

The identity of the mystery
shopper is Mrs. Clara Randolph.

[chatter]

- Well, I-- I--

Harriet, that's impossible.

You've got to be
the mystery shopper.

- What are you talking about?

- And he touted me off, Clara!

- I regret to announce that
out of all the ballots cast,

only one person correctly
identified the mystery shopper.

The winner is Mr. Uzi Nelson.

- Ozzie!

- Oh, well, congratulations!

- Oh, so it was Harriet, huh?

- I-- fellas, I can explain.

I thought it was Harriet,
but I couldn't vote for her,

so I just put down the first
name that came into my head,

and it happened to be Clara.

- Oh, come on, Oz!

- Well, so help me,
that's the truth.

- May I have your
attention again, please?

The valuable prizes will be
delivered to Mr. Nelson's home

this evening.
- Now, I'll take the outboard.

- You won't.
I'll take the outboard.

- Oh, yes, I will.
- I should have it.

- Now, wait a minute.
Where do you guys fit in here?

- Naturally, you're
going to split the prize

winners with us.
- Who said that?

- Well, we were going
to split with you.

- Well, that was different.

Uh, but-- but how?

Well, uh-- OK, fellas,
I'll split them with you.

[laughter]

- How do you like that?

- Oh, gee, it's wonderful.

How did you happen
to buy this thing?

- Well, you were complaining
about your feet being tired,

and I just thought it might
be a nice surprise for you.

- Well, you know, here's the
thing that threw me completely.

The last clue was that the
mystery shopper would be buying

something to rest their feet.

So when I saw you buying
the foot vibrator,

I didn't know you
were buying it for me,

so I was sure then you were
the mystery shopper, especially

since you bought the
stockings you didn't need

and the bag you didn't need.

- Oh, well, I returned those.

You were right, I have
too many stockings.

And I did just buy
a handbag last week.

- Well, it sure didn't
figure to be Clara Randolph.

For one thing, I don't
see how she could keep

a secret like that from Joe.

- Well, she did.

- Well, that's what makes
it so hard to understand.

You'd think she'd
have to tell somebody.

- Well, she did.

She told me on the
way home last night.

- She told you?

- Yep.

- Well, then why didn't
you vote for her?

- Well, I didn't think
that would be fair.

- Well, at least you
could have told me.

- After that crack
you made about my not

being able to keep a secret?

- Well, but-- but--

- Your outboard's running.

Oh, and speaking
of your outboard,

I think your prizes are here.

A truck just drove up.

- It's kind of a small truck.

I wonder if they got
them all in there.

- Maybe they're bringing
them over one at a time.

- Come on in.

- Oh, hiya, Mr. Nelson.

I got your prize outside.

- Well, my prize?

There's supposed to be
several prizes, aren't there?

- Oh, yeah, Mr. Darby
called the store

and explained about
you dividing up

the prizes with the other men,
so I just got yours out here.

- Oh, fine.

Well, bring it in.

- You mean in here?
In the house?

- Well, sure.

Why not?

- It's OK with me,
but I don't know

why you'd want a year's supply
of worms here in the kitchen.

- Worms?

But-- but-- but-- but--

but--

- [laughs] There's an
outboard motor running, dear,

but it isn't yours.

[theme music]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak Company.

This week, visit your
regular Kodak dealer

for reliable service in
all your picture needs.

This has been an ABC television
network film presentation.