All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E03 The Treasurers Report 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

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And now Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Hey, Pop, could you come
in here a minute, please?

- Gee, I'm kind of late, Rick.

What do you want?

Rick, where are you?

- Don't you know, Pop?

- Come on, Rick.

I'm late.

- You haven't looked
under the bed.

Oh, hi, Pop.

Are you looking for somebody?

- What's going on here?

- I'll solve your
mystery for you.

- What's this?

- My new tape recorder.

How do you like it?

- Well, I don't know.

When did you buy this?

- I haven't yet.

See, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Here, listen to this.

- It has a strong, shockproof
construction, a small,

convenient microphone, a
clear, static-free playback,

and a simplified
correction feature.

It's practically a must for
every modern office and home.

- Well, who's that?

- The salesgirl.

She sounded so good I asked
her to record it for me.

- The price is ridiculously
low, just a few dollars a week.

It'll be paid for
before you know it.

- Well, you mean you
want to buy it on time?

- Sure.

They said my credit's fine,
just as long as you sign for it.

How about it, Pop?

- Why don't we talk
it over later, Rick?

Right now my mind is on
this treasurer's report

and I have to get
down the Men's Club.

But we'll talk about
a little later.

- There's nothing
wrong with buying it

on credit, is there, Pop?

- Oh, no.

In fact, most buying
is done on credit.

It's just have to keep in mind
there's an obligation involved.

See, it's just like my being
treasurer of the Men's Club.

I'm spending
somebody else's money

and I'm responsible for it.

That's why I have to read
this report at the meeting

tonight, to let the
members know what

I've done with their money.

- You have to read
the whole thing?

- Oh, sure.

That's part of the
responsibility I accepted.

See, there are a lot of
important businessmen

in the club and they
insist on knowing

where every of their money
goes, and rightfully so.

This is one report the
entire membership is vitally

interested in.

- That's just like me.

I sure am vitally interested
in getting this tape recorder.

I'll bet you'd get a lot
of fun out of it, too.

- Well, maybe so.

- Ozzie, you better get going!

- OK.

Well, we'll talk
about it later, Rick.

- It's also got a
lifetime guarantee.

- If you don't
hurry, the meeting's

going to be over
before you get there.

- I don't think so.

You seem to forget I'm
practically the whole meeting

tonight.

- Is your financial report
the only thing they're having?

- Oh, no, a couple of other guys
are going to do a few things.

But you know how those
annual meetings are.

The only thing anybody
seems to be interested

in is what happened
to the money.

- Are you kidding with this?

- Oh, come on.

It's not so heavy.

- Well, I'm glad I don't
have to listen to it.

- You'd be surprised.

It's pretty interesting.

I've got a couple of jokes
sprinkled through there.

I'm going to start out with
the one about the drunk who was

crawling across the sidewalk.

The guy asked him what
he thought he was doing,

and the drunk said,
"I'll climb this wall

if it takes me all night."

It's an old one, but
it's kind of funny.

Well, I won't be late.

- You will be if you read that.

Can't you leave out
about 100 pages?

- Oh, not a chance.

Those guys want to know
where every penny goes.

Well, good night.
- Good night.

Good luck.

[music playing]

- I think you'll all
agree this is turning out

to be one of the most
interesting meetings we've ever

had.
[applause]

Before we continue, I think
that Herbie Jackson deserves

another big round of
applause for showing us

those wonderful pictures
of his visit to Hawaii.

Herbie, come on out
and take another bow.

[applause]

Thank you again,
brother Jackson.

Oh, well, now we come to a more
serious part of the meeting.

I say serious, although I know
it's a topic that we're all

vitally interested in.

And so without further ado, I'm
going to turn this meeting over

to the man that you've all
been waiting to hear from,

Dr. Lawrence Hatfield.

[applause]

- Thank you, Mr.
Chairman, gentlemen.

It's a great pleasure to be with
you again and discuss further

the workings of the
subconscious mind.

I think we'll all agree it's
the most interesting subject

and one about which
there seems to be

a great deal of
misunderstanding.

It's like the drunk who was
crawling along on the sidewalk.

And when someone asked him
what he was doing, he said,

"I'll climb this wall if
it takes me all night."

And in my opinion,
gentlemen, these examples

taken from actual
case histories would

seem to indicate
rather conclusively

that the subconscious mind is
actually working 24 hours a day

and has much greater
powers of retention

than we would imagine.

- You mean our
subconscious mind retains

things over a period of
years, even trivial things?

- Oh, I don't think
there's any doubt about it.

For example, 10 years ago I
came home with a blond hair

on my lapel.

There was a perfectly
logical explanation for it.

And yet to this day,
whenever I enter the house,

my wife automatically
looks at my lapel.

Any more questions?

- Yeah, I have one.

Who was the blond?

- Well, thank you, gentlemen.

I didn't intend to take
up so much of your time.

You've been a most attentive
and receptive audience.

Thank you.

[applause]

- I'm next.

- Well, thank you, Dr.
Hatfield, for your most

interesting and
instructive talk.

- Well, I guess that's
all for tonight.

If somebody will
make the motion,

we'll adjourn and get
to the refreshments.

- Mr. Chairman.

- Brother Nelson
moves we adjourn.

- I second.
- All in favor, say aye.

- No, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.

How about my treasurer's report?

- Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

- Fellas, just a second.

I have my treasurer's
report here.

- Before we adjourn, we'll have
the annual treasurer's report

by brother Nelson.

[applause]

Hurry it up, Ozzie.

Ice cream is melting.

- Thank you, fellas.

I was going to start
off with a little joke

about a drunk crawling
across the sidewalk,

but Dr. Hatfield
stole it from me.

However, fortunately,
it reminded me

of another little story.

It seems that this drunk
was driving the wrong way

on a one-way street.

And a police officer stopped
him and said, "Hey, where

do you think you're going?"

And the drunk said, "I don't
know, but I must be late.

Everybody else is coming back."

Well, in a way this story
is like my report here,

as the old saying goes,
"Better late than never."

First, I'll review our
overall financial structure

and then I'll cover each
item in greater detail.

As you know, our fiscal year
extends from September 15

to September 15.

- Pardon me a moment, Oz.

Gentlemen, I hate to
interrupt here, but I for one

feel it is not fair to
subject brother Nelson to all

this scrutiny.

After all, he's been
our treasurer for years.

We don't have to check on
every penny he handles.

- I think brother Henry's right.

Ozzie Nelson is about
the most honest guy

I've known all my life.

I think it's an
insult to make him

read this report, especially
when the sandwiches are getting

stale and the
beer's getting warm.

Huh?

I vote, as a vote of
confidence to brother Nelson

that we just tear up the report
and take his word for it.

- Gentlemen.

- Come on, Oz.

Let's get some sandwiches.

- What about my
treasurer's report?

- Just give it to me and I'll
throw it in the wastebasket.

- I think the members
should hear this.

- Well, why not make
a recording of it?

- Frankly, I expected there'd
be quite a few questions

about the increased expenditure
for advertising and publicity.

I got that-- oh, here
we are, see, on page 24.

- Oh, I see what you mean.

- Yeah.

However, of course, that's
explained again on page 116,

I think it is.

Here we are, page 118.

Mr. Frisbee?

Mr. Frisbee?

Doc made a motion they
tear up the report

as a vote of confidence.

And some guy jumps up and
shouts out, "Let's eat,"

and left me standing
there like I was stuffed.

- Well, why are you
so upset about it?

I think it's the
nicest compliment

they could have paid you.

- Oh, Harriet, I'm sorry.

I think it's a pretty
sad state of affairs

when a bunch of
full grown men think

more of stuffing their
stomachs they do a finding out

who's embezzling their money.

- What is this, a confession?

- No, but you'd think you could
find somebody to listen to it.

- Listen to what, Pop?

- Well, my treasurer's report.

I thought I made it
pretty interesting.

Here, let me read a
little of it to you, Dave.

- Oh, I don't think
I ought to hear it.

Well, there's liable
to be some Men's Club

secrets in there or something.

- It's not secret, it's
just the treasurer's report.

- Well, just the
same, I don't think

they'd like you discussing
their financial affairs

with an outsider.

After all, I'm not a
member of the Men's Club.

- Well--

- Neither am I.

- OK.

Let's just forget about it.

- Say, why don't you
make a recording of it?

- It may interest you to
know you're not the first one

to suggest that.

Wait a minute, that's
not a bad idea.

If I had some records
to pass around,

the men could listen to them
when they had more time.

- Sure.

You could tape it
on Ricky's machine

and then have some records made.

- Well, that's exactly
what I had in mind.

Rick?

- Sounds like an
awful lot of trouble.

- Well, I spent two weeks
preparing this report

and those guys are going to
listen to it whether they

like it or not.

Rick?

Where's the tape recorder?

- It's right downstairs.
Why?

Are you going to
buy it after all?

- Well, I'm thinking it over.

- Oh, gee, that's great!

Congratulations, Pop.

I'll go down and get it.

[music playing]

- Mr. Chairman, fellow
members of the Men's Club,

the following is
the financial report

of our club for the
fiscal year just ended,

prepared by your
treasurer, Ozzie Nelson.

We started the fiscal
year with cash on hand--

cash on hand of $409.84.

The dues due-- the due dues--

collectible dueses...

Mr. Chairman, fellow members of
the Men's Club, the following

is the financial report for our
current fiscal year submitted

by your treasurer, Ozzie Nelson.

And so in conclusion, by
adding the cash on hand

plus the dues due and the $15
IOU signed by our chairman,

and subtracting the
rental of the hall

plus the cost of refreshments
and the broken window

from the New Year's
Eve party, we

arrive at a grand
total of $518.12

as we close the fiscal year.

Respectfully submitted, your
treasurer, Ozzie Nelson.

- Oh, that was very good, dear.

- I was still recording.

Did you like the report?

- It sounded fine,
what I heard of it.

I only heard the last few lines.

- Well, I'll play
it back for you.

It only takes about
a half an hour.

- I've got a lot
of things to do.

- Just listen to part of it.

- When's it going to start?

- Oh, great.

I've erased the whole
big hunk of it here.

- That's a shame.

Well, better luck next time.

[music playing]

- Mr. Chairman, fellow
members of the Men's Club,

the following is
the financial report

prepared by your
treasurer, Ozzie Nelson,

for the current fiscal year.

We started the year
with cash on hand--

cash on hand.

While some of the
members felt it

was the responsibility
of the Women's Club

to replace the light
bulbs, I took the position

that it was part of the
maintenance expenditure

and should rightfully be
borne by the Men's Club.

- How's it going, Pop?

- Oh.

- What'd you say?

- I'm recording.

This puts me in mind
of a little story.

It seems this--

[buzz]

Harriet, would you get
the back door, please?

I'm recording.

- I'm upstairs.

- I'll get it, Pop.

- Oh, thanks, son.

This puts me in mind
of a little story.

It seems this woman was
walking down the street

and she met this little boy with
rather a strange-looking dog.

- Hey, Mom, it's the paper boy.

He wants to collect
for this month.

- I haven't got any change.

Ozzie?
Have you got any--

- Harriet, I'm recording.

- I know that, but I
haven't got any money.

I have to cash a check.

- Can't you keep
your budget straight?

- It has nothing to
do with my budget.

You took my last $10 bill.

- Rick, could you
pay him, please?

- OK.

- This puts me in mind
of a little story.

It seems this woman was
walking down the street

and she met this little boy
with a strange-looking dog.

She said to the little
boy, "My, that's

an odd-looking dog
you have there."

And the little fellow said,
"Well, he's a bloodhound."

The lady said, "Well, he doesn't
look like a bloodhound to me."

The little boy said, "Go ahead,
Fido, bleed for the lady."

- I paid him, Pop.

- Oh, thanks a lot, son.

- Just sign here and we'll
fill in the terms later.

[music playing]

Here are the records, Pop.

- Oh, thanks, Rick.

Boy, that was quick work.

I didn't realize they could
finish them that fast.

- Yeah, they could have
finished them even faster,

only they had to make
long-playing records out

of them--

15 minutes on each side.

- They sure look nice.

- I don't think you're going to
sell very many copies, though.

- Well, I'm not
going to sell them.

I'm going to give them away.

- You may have a little
trouble giving them away, too.

- I think you may underestimate
the interest of the members

in their financial affairs.

Besides, with a record,
they can listen to it

at their convenience.

Hello, Clara?

This is Ozzie.

Is Joe there?

Oh, thanks.

Hi, Joe.

I've got the financial report.

I just thought I'd
drop it by your house.

No, no, no, no, wait a minute.
You don't have to read it.

All you have to do is put
it on your record player

and sit back and listen.

- Well, gee, I'm sorry, Oz, but
I don't have a record player.

- Well, you do so
have a record player.

I've seen it.

- Well, I have one,
but it's busted.

- Well, can't you have it fixed?

- Well, the man said
it would cost $4.

- Well, I think it's worth
$4 to listen to the record.

OK, suit yourself.

[music playing]

- A record of the
financial report?

Oz, are you sure you're
feeling all right?

- No, I feel fine.

I made it because
I thought maybe

you guys would enjoy listening
to it at home at your leisure.

It's a long-playing record.

- Oh, gee, I am sorry, Oz, but
my machine doesn't play those

long-playing records.

- Well, why don't you get rid
of that old-fashioned machine?

OK.

- Some people just don't
appreciate a good thing.

Huh, Pop?

- No kidding.

I probably should have had
it made in three speeds.

Hello, Herb?
This is Ozzie.

- Oh, hello, Oz.

Gee, I'm sorry.

My record player is busted, too.

- Wait a second.

How did you know I was
calling about the record?

Boy, that Joe is
a regular gossip.

Well, look, why don't you come
over here and listen to it?

Well, any time.

Boy, his record
player is busted, too.

- Say, I just got an idea.

I think I'll go into the
record player repair business.

The way it looks, I
could make enough money

to pay you back in no time.

[music playing]

- Oh, I'm glad you came in.
Do you want me to dust these?

Or what do you want
me to do with them?

- I don't know.

It sure doesn't look
like anybody wants them.

- I still think it
was a good idea.

Anyway, you've only spoken
to 10 of the club members.

You still have 42 to go.

Somebody ought to want one.

[doorbell]

- Hey!
Anybody home?

- Hi, Doc.

- Oh, hello, Doc.
- Hi, Harriet.

Hi, Oz.

- Tell you why I phoned.

- Yeah, let's have a look.

Oh, I guess you
got it, all right.

- What?
I've got what?

- I don't know what
it is, but there's

a lot of it going around.

- Well, Ozzie's not sick.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Oz.

You just looked
so bad I thought--

Something wrong
with you, Harriet?

- Well, no.

Nobody's sick around here.
- Oh, that's funny.

I got a message at
my office telling me

to come over here immediately.

- Well, yeah, I called you, Doc.

- What for?

- Well, I wanted to give
you one of these records

I had made of the
financial report.

- Oh, you are sick.

You mean you actually got a
record made of that report?

- Well, yeah.
- Oh, for goodness sake, Oz.

Why?

- Well, I got to thinking
at some future time

the members would probably
wish they'd heard the report.

I'm sure a lot of them thought
of that on the way home.

- Believe me, Oz, nobody wants
to hear that long, dull report,

either in person or by
electrical transcription.

- Now, wait a minute.

I spent a lot of
time preparing this

and I have every expenditure
itemized right down

to the last penny.

For instance, do you remember
the New Year's Eve party?

- I remember going to it.

But from then on, the
whole thing's a blank.

- Well, you should remember it.

The club paid for
that window you broke.

- I broke?

- Yes, you broke.

I suppose you don't even
remember the St. Patrick's Day

party.
- Sure, I do.

We had a lot of fun.

- Do you know how much it cost?

- Oh, now, look, Oz,
I enjoyed the party.

Don't put a damper
on it by telling me

how much money it cost.

- Look, Doc, it's your money.

- Well, then I certainly don't
want to know how much it cost.

- Doc.

- Oz, I know you spent a
lot of time on the report,

you want everybody to listen
to it and nobody wants to,

and your feelings are hurt.

Isn't that true?

- Well, can you blame me?

- Well, of course not.

- Well, then take this
home and listen to it.

Is that asking too much?

- All right, Oz.

But I'm only doing this as
a favor to an old friend.

- Now, remember, you
promised to listen to it.

- Yeah, I promise.

Oh, by the way,
that'll be $5, please.

- You're going to charge me $5
for listening to the record?

- No, I'm going to charge
you for the house call.

- House call?
- Well, it is a house isn't it?

- Well, sure.

- And I called on you.

- Come on, Doc.

You've called on me at the
house here lots of times,

but you've never
charged me for it.

- Yeah, but I brought my
bag with me this time.

- Oh, cut it out, will you?

- OK.

We'll say this is an
on the house call.

- Thanks a lot, Doc.

- Oh, by the way, you know
what this little fiasco

is going to cost me?

About $9.

- Well, how do you figure that?

- $5 for the house call
you didn't pay for and $4

to get my record player fixed.

- You're OK, Doc.

[music playing]

Harriet?
- In the kitchen.

- What do you think?
Doc just phoned.

He wants 10 more of my records.

I'm going to take him
over the office for him.

- That's wonderful.
What does he want him for?

- Well, for some of
the other club members.

He probably told them how
interesting the record was

and they all want a copy.

- Oh, that is good news.

- Now, remember, Harry,
you put the phonograph

right next to your bed
and then play that record.

And I guarantee, before you
get to club expenditures

for February, you'll
be sound asleep.

- Thanks, Doc.

- Oh, Oz.

Did you bring the
rest of the records?

- What's the idea telling
that guy my record would

put him to sleep?

- Because it will.

Let me tell you
what happened, Oz.

After I left your
place, I came back here

and I put the record
on the phonograph

and played it through club
expenditures for February.

Then when I came out here
into the reception room,

four of my patients
were fast asleep.

- Fast asleep?

- Yep, fast asleep.

And two of them had been
suffering from insomnia

for the past five years.

Oz, that record of yours
is the greatest thing

since phenobarbital.

You think you can have
10 more copies made?

- Now, look, Doc--

- Well, I'll write you
a prescription for them.

- I didn't make these records
to put people to sleep!

- Well, what difference
does it make?

You're a boon to mankind.

- Here, take the records.
I'll tell you this much.

That's the last time I
make out a financial report

for the Men's Club.

- Oh, that's a fine attitude.

How are we going to know
where our money goes?

[music playing]

- Yes.

Well, if he has any
more records left,

I'm sure he'll be glad to send
one over to you, Mrs. Johnson.

Yes, you're welcome.

Bye.

That phone's been ringing
for the last two days.

I never realized there
were so many people in town

with insomnia.

- Well, I didn't make the
record to put people to sleep.

[knock on door]

It's a fine thing.

I couldn't give them away.

Now they're breaking the
front door down to get them.

- Hello, Harriet.
- Hi, fellas.

- Hello, Harriet.

Where's slumber boy?
- Right over there.

Here are some friends of yours.

- Oz, we just dropped
in to thank you.

- I know, for the
best night's sleep

you've ever had in your life.
- That's right.

- Very funny.
- Oh, it's not funny, Oz.

It's the truth.

- Look, fellas, I put a
lot of time and effort

into that treasurer's report.

It runs nearly 145 pages and
I made three carbon copies

of everything.

- Well, what about it, Oz?

Paper's cheap, $1.79
plus $0.08 tax.

- That's right.

- Who told you that?

- You told us.

- I never said a word about it.

- Well, you did, too.

And the carbon
paper costs $0.87.

- Plus $0.04 tax.

- Now, wait a minute.

I never told you guys
any of that stuff.

It was in the report, but
way down near the end.

- Well, that's
where we heard it.

- I thought you said the
record put you to sleep.

- It did.

- Oh, another thing, Oz.

Did you really borrow
Harriet's last $10?

- Well, I thought I cut
that out of the record.

- Hey, that reminds
me of a story.

This lady was walking
down the street

and she saw this
little boy with a dog.

- And the little boy said, "Go
ahead, bleed for the lady."

I don't know.
Where'd you hear it?

- I don't know.

- I'll tell you
where you heard it.

That was in the record.

Of course!

Dr. Hatfield!
- What about him?

- Well, you remember what he was
saying about the subconscious

that never sleeps.

That's what happened
to you guys while you

were playing the record.
- But we slept.

- That's the point.

While you were sleeping,
your subconscious

was listening to me and you
absorbed the whole report.

- Oz, you know what this means?

We'll never have to listen
to one of those dull reports

again.
- You can make a record of it.

In fact, I think the club
ought to buy you that machine.

- I'll make a motion
to that effect

at the very next meeting.

- And I'll second.

[music playing]

- It's been quite
an exciting day.

- Certainly has.
- Good night, dear.

- Good night.

- Mr. Chairman, fellow
members of the Men's Club,

the following is
the financial report

of our club for the
fiscal year just ended,

prepared by your
treasurer, Ozzie Nelson.

We started the fiscal year
with cash on hand $409.84.

Dues due, $38.

The first item I believe we
should discuss in some detail--

Mr. Chairman, fellow
members of the Men's Club,

the following is
the financial report

of our club for the
fiscal year just ended,

prepared by your
treasurer, Ozzie Nelson.

We started the fiscal
year with cash on hand--

Mr. Chairman, fellow members of
the Men's Club, the following

is the financial
record of our club.

Mr. Chairman, fellow members of
the Men's Club, the following

is the financial
report of our club

for the fiscal year just ended
prepared by your treasurer,

Ozzie Nelson.

[music playing]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak Company.

This week, visit your
regular Kodak dealer

for reliable service in
all your picture needs.

- 15 years of making
dreams come true.

That's the proud achievement of
United States Series E savings

bonds.

Make sure your dreams
come true, too.

Invest now in the United
States savings bonds.

- This has been an ABC
Television Network film

presentation.