All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S03E27 Thornys Piano 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," presented by--

- [SINGING] Hotpoint!

Hotpoint!

Hotpoint changes your
viewpoint automatically!

Because Hotpoint makes the
finest things electrically.

New push button ranges that you
adore, refrigerator superstore.

So keep your food
that suits your mood.

Gets your wishes and
wash those dishes.

Everyone knows Hotpoint
is best for clothes,

washes 'em clean and
dries 'em smooth,

your disposition it
will surely soothe.

Hotpoint brings all this to you
with the Nelson family, too.

Ozzie, Harriet, David, Ricky.

"The Ozzie and Harriet Show"!

[music playing] And
now, Hotpoint presents

America's favorite
family comedy,

"The Adventures of
Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

with Don DeFore as Thorny.

- Boy, it sure was good, Pop.

- Well, thanks a lot.

- I never knew you
such a good cook, Pop.

- Well, I'm glad
you guys liked it.

How about seconds here, Dave?

- No thanks, I'm full.

- Rick?

- No thanks, Pop.

- You know, this is about the
best chicken pie I ever ate.

- Oh gee, thanks a lot.

Better not let your
mother hear you say that.

- What kind of a luncheon
did mom go to, Pop?

- Well, I don't know.

Some deal down at
the woman's club.

- Well, let's go if I'm
going to drive you downtown.

- OK.
- Thanks a lot, Pop.

- Thanks a lot!

- OK, fellas!

- You don't need any
help here, do you, Pop?

- Uh, no thanks,
I don't think so.

[laughter]

- Have a good time, boys.

- Hi, Harriet, Oz home?

[laughter] OK, Thorny.

Harriet went down
to the woman's club.

- Oh.

Hmm, smell something
awfully good.

Hey, chicken pies!

Say, I thought you
said Harriet was out.

- Well, she is.

I baked those myself.

- Oh, come on now.

- No, really I did, smell them.

Pretty good, huh?

- Yeah.
- Have you had lunch yet?

- No, I haven't.

Just a minute.

Oh.

Oz, I didn't know you
went in for cooking.

- Well, I don't make
a specialty of it,

but I do have sort of an
artistic flair, you might say.

- What's that got
to do with cooking?

- Oh, well, cooking
is basically artistic.

It's a very creative
thing, requires a highly

specialized talent.

See, some people have
that artistic touch

and others just don't
seem to have it.

- If you don't
mind, Oz, I'd rather

you wouldn't look at
me that way when you

refer to those other people.

[laughter]

- Don't be embarrassed
just because you

don't have any talent.

There are a lot of
people who don't.

- Now, just a second,
it so happens I do

have talent in the
field of music.

Which is a heck of a lot
more artistic than cooking.

Well, now, wait a
minute if you're

referring to that singing
you do in the shower

every morning, the less
said about that the better.

[laughter]

- I'm not talking
about my singing,

I'm referring to
my piano playing.

- Piano playing?

Since when did you
start playing piano?

I've never heard you.

- Well, I haven't
played for some time.

In fact, not since I was
about nine years old.

- Oh, how many lessons
did you take, two?

[laughter]

- You're ridiculous.

- Oh, you took three?

[laughter] Oz, I hate
to change the subject

but these pies are getting cold.

- Well, I can't stand around
and watch genius starve.

Sit down and help
yourself, Thorny.

- You're a gentleman
and a scholar.

Now, Oz, I want the truth,
you didn't really bake this.

- A dollar says I did.

I'll make a little
deal with you.

If that isn't the
best chicken pie

you've ever eaten in your life,
you can have the dollar back.

- That's OK.

[music playing]

[laughter]

- Yes, sir, I must
admit, Oz, that

was absolutely the greatest.

- Oh, thanks a lot, Thorny.

- Yeah, it was a
pleasure to lose.

- Thank you, it's a pleasure
to do business with you.

- Now, how about some dessert?

[laughter] Maybe you'd like
to stay for dinner, too.

[laughter]

- A little dessert will do.

How about an ice cream?

- Go ahead, help yourself.

- Hey, wait a
minute, what's this?

Mother Dingle's
frozen chicken pies!

[laughter]

- What about it?

- What about it, you
cheated me out of $1.

You said you made the pies and
all the time they were frozen.

Now, come on, give
me the dollar back.

- I will not, I won
it fair and square.

- You did not make the pies.

- Well, I didn't go out and
kill the chickens, if that's

what you're talking about, but
I told you I baked the pies

and I did.

I put them in the
oven and I baked them.

- You didn't even do that,
you just reheated them.

You and your phony
artistic talent,

you couldn't create
a piece of toast.

[laughter]

- Don't be a sore head.

OK, I'll give you
the dollar back.

- No, thank you.

- Come on, take it back!

- No, no, no,
technically it's yours.

- Well, yes, that's for sure.

- After all, I
wasn't invited here.

I just came on my own accord.

- Yeah, I see what you mean.

- Actually, it's just as if
I'd gone to a restaurant.

- I haven't had a
socially offered pie,

I've had a restaurant pie.

- Well, you've had
three, to be exact.

[laughter]

- Well, when you eat at a
restaurant, you expect to pay,

so here's a tip for you.
- Oh!

[laughter]

- A dime?

How big a cheapskate can you be?

Furthermore, I may report you
for operating a restaurant

without a license!

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- You have a nice time?

- Oh, yes, it was a
wonderful meeting.

Gee, I imagine you
must be starved.

- Oh, not especially.

- I'll whip up some
lunch for you right away.

- No, no, no, that
won't be necessary,

we've already had lunch.

- Honestly?

- Yeah, as a matter of
fact, we may be dispensing

with your services as a cook.

- Well, good!

[laughter]

- You're too eager.

No, uh, actually I saw a couple
of those frozen chicken pies

out there, so I just heated
them up and the boys and I--

I made $1.10 on the deal.

- From the boys?

- No, from Thorny.

He came over and saw
the chicken pies.

He didn't believe I had
baked them, so I bet him $1

and actually I won.

Well, we were just joking.

- And you kept the dollar?

- Oh, no--

- Well, yes, actually
I didn't intend to.

- But what Thorny doesn't
know won't hurt him, huh?

[laughter] You've
got the wrong idea.

See, he knows the
pies were frozen.

See, I told him.

He opened the freezer
and I told him.

[laughter]

- How come he let
you keep the dollar?

Uh, no, $1.10.

He left a $0.10 tip.

[laughter] Should have
seen him, he was really

burned up when he left.

- You're gonna give the
money back, aren't you?

- Well, I don't see why should,
he ate more than $1.10 worth

of chicken pie.

[piano playing]

- You hear a piano someplace?

- Uh-huh, it's over
at the Thornberry's.

- Well, since when
do they have a piano?

- Since yesterday.

You know how Catherine's always
wanted an old fashioned upright

for their rumpus room?
- Yeah.

- Guess where she found one?

- Where?

- Her mother had it in storage.

- Catherine hasn't seen it
since she was a little girl,

but just what she wanted, too.

- Oh.

Judging by what I hear it
should be seen and not heard.

Who's that torturing it?

- Oh, it's probably Thorny.

Catherine said he took lessons
when he was a little boy.

- Yeah, I heard all about those.

He took three lessons.

Who's he trying to kid anyway?

- Well, if he wants to
brush up on his playing,

I don't see any harm in it.

- Well, playing, yes, but
do you call that playing?

Listen to it.

[vocalizing]

- Something like that
could drive you crazy.

- Yes, you certainly could.

[laughter]

- Hey!

Come back here!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[piano playing]

- Hey!

Hey, you in there
butchering that piano!

[laughter]

- Come on out here!

- Were you addressing
me by any chance?

- I most certainly was.

- I want to complain about your
constantly banging and banging

on that piano.

- Oh, were you
listening to me play?

[laughter] If you
call that playing.

I've been listening to your
hammer on that thing hour

after hour, those
same darn scales.

Now I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll gladly refund your
$1.10 if you'll only stop.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Oz, but
money's not the important thing

involved here.

Although, one of these days,
you'll be paying to hear

me play.

[laughter]

- Are you kidding?

- Careful now, Oz, or
I'll tell Mr. Carnegie not

to let you in his Hall.

[laughter]

- Well, wait a minute,
you mean you're actually

serious about this?

- I most certainly am.

After all, when a man
has an artistic talent,

it's only natural he
should want to develop it.

- And you mean you're going
to start taking piano lessons

again after all these years?

- Oh no, no, no, no, I don't
think that'll be necessary.

I bought a little book
to help me brush up

on the fundamentals.

Naturally, I'm just
running the scales at first

but I'll start in on a few
compositions in a day or two.

- Uh, when do you
figure on giving you

a first recital, maestro?

- In about a week.

[laughter]

- A week?

- Of course, it'll only
be popular music at first.

- Yeah, this is within a week.

- Yes, I don't want to rush it.

[laughter]

- I tell you what
I'll do, how would you

like to make a little
wager about all this?

- Well, actually, Oz,
I'm not a betting man.

- Oh, I see, you don't
have that much confidence

in your piano playing.

- I most certainly do.

Name your terms.

- Well, I'll tell
you what I'll do--

a box of cigars says you can't
play one recognizable tune

through from start to finish
before the week is out.

- That's a bet.

- OK.

- [chuckles] Sorry, Oz,
they're not insured.

[laughter]

- Remember now, you've got one
week starting from right now.

- Right.

Uh-oh, time for my nap.

We artists must have
our rest, you know.

- Oh, just a second.

Remember,
"Do-re-me-fa-so-la-si-do"

is not a complete tune.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hi.

- Oh.

- What's so funny?

- Oh, I'm just laughing
at that Thorny.

He's going to learn to
play piano in one week,

or so he says.

- Oh, it's impossible.

- Well, of course
it's impossible.

I just bet him a box of cigars.

- He claims he's
going to learn how

to play a complete song from
start to finish in one week.

- Well, it doesn't
give him much time.

Unless he can really play and
he's just holding out on you.

- Oh, of course he can't.

Listen to him.

[chuckles]

[piano playing]

[laughter]

[applause]

[music playing]

- Oh, Rick, have you
seen the keys to the car?

- Yes, sir, Mom has them.

- Oh, good, where
is your mother?

- She drove downtown in the car.

[laughter]

- Well, I'll have to
go downtown later on.

- Are you going to buy some
cigars for Mr. Thornberry?

- I'm afraid Mr.
Thornberry is a long way

from getting any cigars for me.

Last time I heard him
practice he sounded

like he had boxing gloves on.

[laughter]

- Oh no, last time I
went past her house

it sounded pretty good to me.

- Really?

Oh, maybe you heard the radio.

- Well, maybe so.

I'll see you later, Pop,
I got to go downtown

to get some rolls.

[music playing]

- Where's Ricky going
in such a hurry?

- Down the bakery for your
mother, I think he said.

- Well, I guess you're getting
kind of worried, huh, Pop?

- 'Bout what?

- Mr. Thornberry.

- Well, no, he
doesn't get the cigars

unless he learns to play
a complete song from start

to finish.

- Gee, he has until tomorrow
and I was walking past his house

this morning and somebody
was playing pretty good.

- Well, it couldn't
have been Thorny.

I heard him
practicing last night,

sounded like somebody dusting
off the keys with his elbows.

[laughter]

- Gee, I thought it
sounded pretty good.

It was kind of that old time
style but I kind of liked it.

- You sure you were listening
outside the Thornberry's house?

- Well, yes, sir.

- Oh, gee, don't
look so downhearted,

Pop, what's a box of cigars?

- Well, it's not
the cigars, Dave,

it's the principle of the thing.

For one thing, the man
is such a sore loser.

[laughter]

- Oh, hello, dear.

- What are you
looking so glum about?

- Oh, well, Dave
and I have just been

discussing our talented
neighbor Mr. Thornberry.

- Oh, yeah, I heard him
practicing this morning.

You know, he sounded
pretty darn good.

I think you'd better start
looking for a box of cigars.

- No, Harriet, you
must be kidding.

- Well, no, it sounded good.

- I tried to tell
Pop the same thing.

- So did Ricky, but I have ears.

I heard him
practicing last night.

He sounds like--

Well, I've run out of
things he sounds like

[laughter]

- Well, wait a minute,
I think I hear him now.

- I don't hear a thing.

- Well, he must have
closed the door.

- Pretty sneaky.

[laughter]

- Maybe I can hear
them from my back.

- I think you'll be
pleasantly surprised.

Well, may not be
exactly pleasant,

I'm afraid it's going
to be more expensive.

- Well, I'll tell
you this much, you'll

have to be darn good before
I hand over a box of cigars

to him.

Dave, let me have the
broom, will you, son?

- What's that for?

- Well, I don't
want him to think

I'm out there
listening to him play,

I'm going to sweep
off the porch.

- Oh, well, as long as you're
going to sweep off the porch,

take the dust pan with you.

- Oh.

Well, I may not be able to
hear him from the porch.

I think I'll sweep off the lawn.

[laughter]

- Yeah, that on a fool him.

[laughter] [piano playing]

- Well, dear, weren't
you surprised?

- I sure was.

I'm surprised at
this whole family.

- Why would we do?

- Well, what's happened
to your musical tastes?

- Well, nothing that I know of.

You should've heard
him out there,

pounding and fumbling around on
those same old scales of his.

You call that piano playing?

- Yeah, I can't
understand it, he's

sounded pretty good
when I heard him.

- Well, same here.

- Well, he sure doesn't
sound any good now.

- Say, uh, do you
suppose it was Catherine

you heard playing this morning?

- No, she's out of
town, she went up

to visit her mother
for a few days.

- I can't say I blame her.

That kind of pounding
is going to drive us

all out of the neighborhood.

Listen to that racket.

- Gee, I can hardly hear it.

- Me, either.

- Well, it's driving me crazy.

- Harriet, would you mind
flipping on that radio, please?

I'd like to drown out
Thornberry for a while.

In fact, I'd like to forget
about them for a few minutes.

- ...The finest cigar in town,
go down to your nearest cigar

store right now and
buy a box of El Bueno--

[music playing]

[laughter]

- Well, anything is
better than listening

to Thornberry pound that piano.

[laughter]

[laughter]

- Does this light
bother you, dear?

- No, that's OK, thanks.

[humming]

[music playing]

[piano playing]

- Thank you!

Thank you, thank you.

[laughter]

[piano playing]

[applause]

- I wonder what his
first selection will be.

- Sure, I don't know.

- Pardon me, is this seat taken?

- Uh, no.

[piano playing]

[music playing]

[applause]

[laughter]

- For goodness sake's,
dear, what's the matter?

- Cigar smoke is killing me.

[laughter]

- What cigar smoke?

- Oh, oh!

[coughing]

- Oh.

I'll open a window.

[music playing]

[piano playing]

[laughter]

- Oh, for goodness sake's!

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, hi, Thorny.

Yes, he is.

For you, it's Thorny.

- Oh.

Hello, Paderewski.

[laughter]

- Hi, Oz.

Well, you've got
my box of cigars?

- Yes, I got them all right.

You're a little
early, aren't you?

- Well, why prolong the agony?

I'm ready if you are.

- You know, you could save
yourself a lot of embarrassment

by calling this whole thing off.

- Are you trying to back out?

- Are you kidding?

- Don't let me
back out of it now.

- Are you kidding?
- I heard you the first time.

[laughter]

- Why don't you
come over right now?

Bring Harriet and the
boys along to be judges.

- OK, if that's the way you feel
about it, we'll be right over.

- Fine.

Oh, and Oz, don't
forget my cigars.

[laughter]

- Don't worry.

- What'd he say?

- Don't forget his cigars.

Wants us to come right over.

For some reason, he sounds like
he's got a lot of confidence

all of a sudden.

- Well, come on, I'm anxious
to hear what he can do.

- Well, you round up the boys.

- You better round
up those cigars.

- Don't worry about the cigars.

- Oh, Dave, we're going
to go over and hear

Mr. Thornberry play the piano.
- Oh, good.

- Where's Rick?

- He went out for a while.

- Oh, well he can hear
him play some other time.

- Oh, Pop, you better
get those cigars.

[laughter]

- Everybody's worried about
cigars, they're right here.

- Not that I think he can play.

- Well, let's get going
to the torture chamber.

- Uh, Dad, do you have a dollar?

- What for?

- Well, just in
case he can play,

I'd kind of like to
hear "Melancholy Baby."

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hi, Thorny.

- Greetings,
maestro, here we are.

- Welcome, Mr. And
Mrs. First-nighter,

you're in for a treat.

- I can hardly wait.

- Uh, Thorny, we don't
want to embarrass you,

so if you'd like to back
out now's the time to do it.

- Are you kiddin'?

Just take your seats folks and
watch me tickle those ivories.

Harriet, you may sit here.

- Oh, thank you, Thorny.

I wonder what his first
selection will be.

[music playing]

- Oh, David, this
seat is taken--

Oh!

[laughter]

- Well, come on,
maestro, let's hear it.

[piano playing]

- How about it, Oz?

- I guess I owe you
a box of cigars.

- Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

- Well, because he's
making a lot of mistakes.

- Well, that's because
I'm playing with one hand.

Now, the other hand.

[laughter]

- My goodness, how
do you do that?

- Yeah, how about that?

- Well, that's
nothing, watch this...

No hands!

[laughter]

- I got a couple more
rolls here, Mr. Thornberry.

[laughter]

- Stop the music!

- That's a player piano!

- It's a big gyp,
that's what it is!

You aren't playing at all!

- Wait a minute, Oz,
I was so playing.

I had to work these pedals
up and down, didn't I?

Remember how you baked
those chicken pies?

[laughter]

- Looks like he's got you
on a technicality, dear?

- Can I play the piano
now, Mr. Thornberry?

- Sure, Rick, it's all yours.

Got a little business to
discuss with your dad.

- I haven't seen one
of these in years.

- Now, Oz, if you don't mind
I'll have that box of cigars.

- There you are,
all ready for you.

- Those are terrific!

- Oh, thanks a lot.

- At least you must admit,
I pay off with a smile.

- Oz, you're a real sport.

- Well, I figure that's
the only way to be.

I want you promise
me one thing now--

you're not going to torture
us with those scales

of yours anymore.

- Oz, I promise.

Light up, boy.

- Mighty fine cigar.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

I've never smoked
one of those myself

but I've heard some
excellent reports.

[explosion]

[laughter]

[applause]

[music playing]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Look at this beautiful box of
candy I just won from Thorny.

- Did you make another bet?

- Oh, yeah.

He was outside
criticizing my golf swing,

so I bet him I could drive
a golf ball 400 yards.

- And you won?

- Well, sure, I used the
oldest trick in the world--

I put the ball in
the back of the car

and drove it around the block.

[laughter]

- Want a piece of candy?

- No thank you, not right now.

- Pretty good.

[choking]
- Water!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

- You can find where to
buy your new Hotpoint

by checking your local
classified telephone directory.

Look for Hotpoint under
the appliance you want.

Ask your local Hotpoint dealer
to show you the new Hotpoint

ranges, the new Hotpoint
refrigerators, the new Hotpoint

automatic washers and dryers,
and the new Hotpoint automatic

dishwashers.

Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

will be brought to
you by Antizyme.

Listerine Antizyme toothpaste
stops the major cause

of tooth decay every
minute of every day.

- Well, goodnight, folks.

We'll see you again next week.

- Goodnight, and remember,
Hotpoint changes your viewpoint

automatically.

- Yes, sir, that's
what I always say, boy.

- What do you always
say, little man?

- Hotpoint changes your
viewpoint, automatically.

The girl in the dream
was Joan Corbett.

The pianist, Frank Lightner.

The radio announcer
was Jack Wagner.

This is Verne Smith speaking.