All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S03E11 The Fruitcake 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

- Can I have the syrup, Pop?

Thank you.

- You brushed your teeth
this morning, didn't you?

- Oh, sure, Mom.

- You know, Listerine Antizyme
toothpaste keeps teeth free

from decay-forming acids all
day long with just one brushing.

- Oh, heck, I know that, Mom.

[music playing]

- [laughs]

- Listerine, the most widely
used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first
all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste,

present "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife,
Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door
neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Mailman!

- Oh, good.

- Anything in there for me?

- Well, they seem to
be for both of us.

Here, I'll split them with you.

- Oh, gee, thanks.
[laughs]

- What are you
complaining about?

You haven't got any
envelopes to open.

Oh, it's a thank you
note from the Dunkle's.

They loved our
Christmas present.

- Oh, that's good.

Rather interesting,
it's from the bank.

They think it's about
time we open a new savings

account for next Christmas.

- Seems like a good idea.

- Yeah.

With what, though?

- Hmm, must be
from Doc Williams.

It smells like ether.

- You have the most
vivid imagination.

- Yeah.

Oh, they loved the ashtray
we sent them for Christmas.

- Oh, that's good.

- Ashtray?

- Well, what did we send them?

- I bought it for a candy dish.

I guess you could use it
for an ashtray, though.

- Well, why do you care,
as long as they like it?

- Any mail for me, Mom?

- No, I'm afraid not, dear.

Were you expecting any?

- Not necessarily.

- I was just hoping for
a late Christmas check.

- Well, I'm afraid
you're out of luck.

Oh, speaking of Christmas, have
you guys written your thank

you notes yet?
- Oh, sure.

We wrote Grandma
Nelson last week.

Don't you remember?

And Aunt Ly?

- We thanked Uncle Al and
Aunt Kay over the telephone.

- Well, I still think
they'd like to receive

a thank you note from you.

You know, people like
to save those things.

- How about Iggy Schwartz?

He sent you a
present, didn't he?

- Gee, Pop, I see him
every day at school.

- Well, I still don't
think it'd do any harm

to send him a little note.

- Of course not.

He was thoughtful enough to
send you a Christmas present.

You know, the fact that
you see people every day

doesn't make any difference.

They'd still like to receive
a little note from you.

- You mean I have to write
one to you and Pop and David?

- No, not necessarily.

But I think it'd be nice
if you sent one to Iggy.

- Well, it does seem kind
of silly writing a note

to a person you see every day.

- Oh, I don't think so.

- Hey, I just
thought of something.

I don't have any writing
paper or envelopes.

- Oh, that's a
pretty feeble excuse.

There's plenty of
writing paper in the den.

- Just grasping at straws.

- Well, you might as well do
them right after breakfast

and get them over with.
- Sure.

You can have the letters written
by the time you sit around

here talking about it.

- I still don't think
I should write Iggy.

He'll think I'm crazy.

- He'll be very
happy to receive it.

- Gee, I don't even
know what to write him.

- Well, we have a book of
etiquette in there somewhere.

I'm sure there'll be some
good suggestions in that.

- Tell you what I'll do, Rick.

Right after breakfast, as
soon as your finished there,

you go into the den and
start writing the letter,

and I'll be in in a few minutes
and give you a hand with it.

- Oh, thanks, Pop.

- What'd you write Mr.
Thornberry about the fruitcake

he sent you?

- Oh, uh, Thornberry?

Uh, well, I, uh--

I didn't send him a formal note.

- What kind of a note
did you write him?

- Oh, well, I--

I didn't, uh, exactly
write him any kind of note.

I thanked him in person.

- I thanked Iggy
Schwartz in person.

- Well, uh, yes, I know,
but that's different.

See, Mr. Thornberry
is our neighbor.

He lives right next-door,
and I see him every day.

- I see Iggy every day.

- Well, yes, I know
you do, but, see,

that's completely different.

Uh, uh, Mr. Thornberry
gave me a fruitcake.

- I give up.

What does that prove?

- Well--

- Yeah, Pop, what's that prove?

- Well, it--

I mean-- I mean,
your-- your mother--

- Come on, Pop.

We'll write them together.

[music playing]

- Are you sure you don't want
me to help you with the dishes?

- Oh, no, dear.
You go right ahead.

- A lot of help this
book of etiquette is.

- Well, there must be something
there on thank you notes,

isn't there?

- Yeah, there's
a sample in here.

But listen to it.

"Dear Ethel, I
just can't tell you

how delighted I am with
the simply darling brooch

you sent me.

Thank you, dear.

It was so sweet of you.

Affectionately, Mary."

- [laughs] Well, that's just
an example to give you an idea.

Naturally, you have to fit
it into the circumstances.

How are you doing, Dave?

- Oh, pretty good, I guess.

I'm almost finished.

How about you?

- Uh, well, it's,
uh-- it's, uh, coming.

- "Dear Thorny--"

- I always kind of like to
work it out in my head first.

- I think I got mine now, Pop.

You want to hear it?

- Hey, that's pretty quick.

- "Dear Iggy, I
just can't tell you

how delighted I am with
the simply darling book

you sent me.

Thank you, dear.

It was so sweet of you.

Affectionately, Mary."

- Mary?
- Sure.

You don't think I'm
going to sign my name

to a thing like that, do you?

- Rick-- Rick, you're making
a big deal out of this.

All you have to do is tell
Iggy in your own words

how much you enjoyed the book.

- Yeah, but I didn't enjoy it.

I already read it.

- Look, if it's so
tough, why don't you

write some of the other letters.

Write one to Aunt Florence.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

David--

- Yeah?

- What do I say?

- Look, I'm trying to
write a letter, too.

- Uh, what did Aunt
Florence send you?

- A sport shirt.

- OK, take this down.

"Dear Aunt Florence--"

- I've already got that part.

- OK.

Uh, "Dear Aunt Florence,
thanks for the sport shirt.

It fits fine."

- Thanks, Pop.

The only trouble is
it doesn't fit fine.

- In that case, you still say,
"Thanks for the beautiful sport

shirt.

It fits fine."

- Or else, find something
else nice to say about it.

- Sleeves are too long.

The collar is too big.

The whole thing
just doesn't fit.

It's too big.

- You could still write
and say it fits fine.

Just don't tell her
I'm the one it fits.

- What David means is you're
actually thanking the person

for being so thoughtful.

- Yeah, but it's different
with you and David.

You're thanking somebody
for something you like.

- Not necessarily.

As a matter of fact, I don't
especially care for fruitcake,

yet I'm writing a letter to
Mr. Thornberry out of courtesy

to thank him and tell him
how much I've enjoyed it.

- I thought you
haven't tasted it yet.

- Well, I haven't.

- Sounds to me like
you're writing down

a bunch of stuff
that isn't true, just

to make somebody feel good.

- You're missing the
whole point of this, son.

If it'll make you
feel any happier,

I'll go out to the kitchen, and
I'll eat some of the fruitcake.

I'll come back and
write the letter later.

- Pop--
- Yeah?

- No ditching out.
We're in this thing together.

- [laughs]

[music playing]

- "Dear Iggy--"

- I'm going to
write mine upstairs.

- What's the matter with you?

- I'm trying to write Uncle
Ben, and I wrote "Dear Thorny,"

twice.

And now I just
wrote "Dear Iggy."

- Oh, how are the notes coming?

- Oh pretty good, thanks.

Do you know where that
fruitcake is that Thorny gave me

for Christmas?

- I thought you didn't
care for fruitcake.

- Well, I don't especially.

But I don't want to eat it.

I just want to taste it.

- Well, I think it's in
the cupboard over there.

- I don't see it.

- Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Here it is, right here.

- No, no-- here
it is, right here.

- No, this is the fruitcake you
got from Thorny for Christmas.

Still has his card on it.

- Well, this has
Thorny's card on it, too.

How come I got two
fruitcakes from him?

- Well, that's probably the
one he gave you last year.

- I don't remember Thorny
giving me a fruitcake last year.

- Well, sure.
Don't you remember?

You said the same thing
about the one he gave you

the year before that.

- Oh, yeah.

I think you're right.

Doesn't that seem awful strange,
a man giving me fruitcake

three years in a row?

- Well, some people
just have a hard time

deciding what they want to
buy for Christmas presents.

- Well, I mean, I can understand
that if it's a business

acquaintance, but
you'd think a man would

use a little more thought
selecting a Christmas

gift for his best friend.

- I don't know why.

His best friend didn't
even remember what he got.

- Well, I still say
it's silly to have

two fruitcakes in the house.

- Four.

Mr. Miller at the
market gave us one,

and the milkman gave us one.

- [chuckles] How about that?

That Thorny sure has
an original mind.

And after all the thought
I put into his gift!

- I thought you gave
him a jar of hard candy.

- Well, I did.

I said to myself, "What would
I like to have somebody give me

for Christmas?"

And I decided on a
jar of hard candies.

I've liked them ever
since I was a small boy.

Everybody likes them.

- Well, maybe Thorny
likes fruitcake,

and that's the reason
he gave you one.

- Besides, I had a
hard job finding one

with a lot of
peppermint sticks in it.

- Well, I don't know, dear.

I'm sure Thorny meant well.

- Well, I still say it
shows a lack of originality

to give a man the same gift
year after year after year.

Have you felt the
weight of this thing?

It must weigh a ton.

- Well, it's a year old.
Oh!

[thump]
- Oh!

[music playing]

- Did you hurt yourself?

- I think I broke my toe.

Oh!

- Oh, come now,
can't hurt that bad.

By the way, did
you finish writing

your thank you note to him?

- A thank you note?

Are you kidding, Harriet?

He probably tells his secretary
to order a couple of dozen

of these things and send
them to everybody he knows.

- Well, it wouldn't
hurt you to write him a

thank you note anyway.

- I'm sorry, but I'm not
that much of a hypocrite.

My best friend sends me a
fruitcake three years in a row.

What's Christmas coming to?

- Boy, this is more
work than I thought.

- Oh, good.
You all finished?

- Yes, ma'am.
I have one of them done.

See if you like it.

"Dear Iggy, thanks for
the wonderful book.

It was wonderful."

You think that's too flowery?

- Uh, uh, Rick, I've
been thinking over

this whole situation about
the book he gave you,

and I've come to the
conclusion that if you really

don't like it, you've got
a perfect right to change

the letter.

- Gee, I have about seven times.

- Well, I know,
but what I mean is

I don't think there's any
necessity for you to sit

down and write a
bunch of flowery stuff

when the boy doesn't even
take the trouble to pick out

a gift that you can enjoy.

- Now I have to make
up another letter?

- Well, that's something between
you and your conscience, son.

Just remember,
there's an old proverb

and it stood the test
of time pretty well:

"Honesty is the best policy."

- Wait-- you mean, you're not
going to write a thank you note

to Thorny?

- Harriet, there are
some things it's better

to tell a person
right to his face.

I'm going to find Thorny
and tell him exactly what I

think of his fruitcake.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Uh, Thorny--

- Hi, Oz, ole boy.

Happy New Year.

- Oh, thank you.

Happy New Year to you, Thorny.

I've been looking
all over for you.

- Oh, you missed me, eh?

Well, we've been over
visiting Catherine's mother

for a few days.
- Oh.

- Say, um, how about having
a chocolate soda with me?

- Uh, no, thanks.

I'll sit down with
you for a while.

I don't want to--

- Wonderful
chocolate sodas here.

Sure you won't have one?

- No, thanks.

- Well, how about
having a banana split?

- Uh, no, thanks.

I'm not interested in
anything like that just now.

And I feel I know you well
enough to tell you why.

- You don't have to tell me, Oz.
I can see it.

You're getting a
little fat there.

[laughs]

- Oh--

- A chocolate soda for me.

- One chocolate soda.

- And nothing for me, thank you.

- Uh, my friend
here is on a diet.

Well, I'll tell you the
way I feel about it, Oz.

Like I said to
Catherine the other day.

"Catherine," I said,
"you've got your choice.

Now, you either can have a
nice, fat, jolly husband,

or I can go on a diet, and you
can spend the rest of your life

with a skinny, shrivelled
up, grouchy, old man."

[laughs]

- Yeah.

Uh, well, to get right
to the point, Thorny,

what I want to talk to you
about was the fruitcake

you gave me for Christmas.

- Wait a minute, Oz.

You mean you came all the
way down here to thank me?

Oh, [chuckles] you
shouldn't have done it.

However, I am glad you liked it.

I get them every
year at the Emporium.

Aren't they delicious?

- Oh, well, yes, if
you like fruitcake.

- Holy smoke, Oz, it
just occurred to me.

I haven't thanked you for
those hard candies you gave me.

- Oh, oh, uh, that's OK.

I'm glad you like them.

- Like them?

I love hard candies.

And what a wonderful selection!

The line from the cherries,
those little red striped ones.

- Oh, those are the
peppermint sticks.

- Oh, they're terrific,
kind of bite your tongue.

- Yeah.

- Honestly, Oz, I don't
know how to thank you.

It's such a wonderful gift.

- Oh, well, gee, thanks, Thorny.

- Oh, sure.

And like I told Catherine--

"Catherine," I said,
"Christmas just

wouldn't be Christmas without
those wonderful, delicious hard

candies Ozzie gives
me every year."

- You mean, I've given
you those before?

- Oh, for the past three years.

Believe me, Oz, you couldn't
have picked a better gift.

You know, I hate to sound
slushy or sentimental, but gee,

isn't it nice when two fellows
have such a warm relationship

that they just instinctively
know the right gift

to buy for each other?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

I-- I-- You're--

you're right there, Thorny.

- I'm sure glad you
liked the fruitcake, Oz.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Well, I think I'd better
be getting along, Thorny.

I'll see you a little later.

- OK.

Wait a minute, Oz.
What's the matter?

You're limping.

Is something wrong
with your foot?

- Oh, uh, uh, nothing serious.

I just dropped a rock on it.

[music playing]

- Oh, no.

Don't tell me
you're still writing

that thank you note
to Iggy Schwartz.

- Will you stop bothering me?

I'm having enough
trouble as it is.

- What are you making such
a big deal out of it for?

Pop told you what to do.

Just write something
diplomatic and sign it.

What's so hard about that?

- That's not what Pop
told me to do, wise guy.

- It is so.

I was right there.

- That's what he said at
first, but later on he

changed his mind.

- When was that?

- Right after he dropped
the fruitcake on his toe.

- What did he tell you to write?

- He just said to keep
in mind that honesty

is the best policy.
- OK.

Keep it in mind, and
write the letter.

- That's what I was
doing when you came in.

I got it practically
finished right now.

You want to hear it?

- No, thanks.

I got a whole chapter to read
in "Man and Civilization."

- Big scholar.

Doesn't it say anything
in there about being

courteous to your own
family, your own brother,

your own flesh and blood?

- That's a different
subject entirely.

This is a study of man
and his relationship

to his environment, starting
with prehistoric man.

Speaking of prehistoric man--

- OK, OK.

I'm going to get a
haircut this afternoon.

- I didn't say a word.

- "Dear Iggy, I am writing
this note to let you know--"

- I told you, I didn't
want to hear it.

- I'm reading it to myself.

You don't want to
hear it, don't listen.

- OK, let's hear it.

- I'd better start
from the beginning.

- "Dear Iggy, I am writing this
letter to let you know honestly

and frankly--" "honestly" and
"frankly" are underlined--

- Fine.

- --and in capital letters.

- Go ahead.

- "To let you know
honestly and frankly what

I think of the book you
sent me for Christmas."

- Oh, what happened?

You guys been
confined to quarters?

- No, I'm finishing my
letter to Iggy Schwartz.

I was just reading it to David.

- Yeah, and I'm trying to study.

- You want to hear it, Pop?

- Oh, yes, maybe I'd better.

- "Dear Iggy, I'm
writing this note

to let you know
honestly and frankly--"

"honestly" and "frankly"
are underlined.

- And in capital letters.

- Uh, uh, now, you haven't
written anything there

that might hurt Iggy's
feelings, I hope.

- Oh, heck no.

I just say that I
don't like the book.

- Oh, no, Rick, that's
not very diplomatic.

That's pretty blunt.

- Well, I thought you told
me to be honest and frank.

- Well, yes, I did.

But after thinking
it over, I've sort of

changed my mind, uh, uh, again.

I mean, you should be honest
and frank but also diplomatic.

- Are we back to being
diplomatic again?

- Oh, uh, hello, dear.

I was just explaining to Rick--

- Just what exactly does
diplomatic mean, Pop?

- Oh, uh, well, it
just means being, uh,

tactful and sneaky
and-- uh, not sneaky.

Well, for instance, suppose
you should meet a woman

and she's wearing a
ridiculous, silly looking hat.

Well, you wouldn't come
right out to her and say--

oh, uh, uh, that
reminds me, Harriet--

- Reminds you of what?

- Uh, well, I'll, uh,
tell you about it later.

Anyway, I think,
Rick, you just ought

to write a real
nice letter to Iggy,

and tell him you enjoyed
reading the book,

and you appreciate
his thoughtfulness.

- OK, Pop.

If you say so.

- I think that's best too, dear.
- OK, Mom.

If you say so.

- I agree with Mom and Pop.
- OK, David.

If you say so.

[music playing]

- Well, let's get out and
let the boys continue.

- OK, dear.

If you say so.

- Well, come on, little man.

Get back to work.

- There's just one
thing I want to know.

- What's that?

- What happened to that honest
and direct approach of yours?

- Oh, well, to be
perfectly frank with you,

I ran into Thorny
down at the drugstore,

and before I had a
chance to say anything,

he started to tell
me how much he

enjoyed the wonderful
hard candies I gave him.

- Oh, wasn't that nice?

- Yeah, it seems I just
sort of hit on something

he especially liked, so
I didn't have the heart

to tell him I didn't
care for the fruitcake.

- Oh, I should hope not.

That would have been a
terrible thing to do.

- Yeah.

You know, he's right,
that hard candy makes

a wonderful Christmas gift.

Gee, I wish somebody
had given me some.

- Why don't you right downtown
with me and buy yourself some?

- Well, are you
going downtown now?

- Yes, I'm going
down to the Emporium

and exchange a few things.

- Oh, Christmas gifts?

- Uh, just a few things.

- Say, here's an idea,
maybe the Emporium would

let me exchange the
fruitcake Thorny gave me

- you know, the one I
didn't drop on my toe

- for a jar of hard candies.

- Well, I'm sure
they'd be glad to.

Did he buy it there?

- Uh, yes, he said so.

You know, isn't it funny that
I should pick out something

that Thorny's crazy about,
and he should buy something

that I don't like?

I guess, it must be
intuition or something, eh?

- I suppose so.

- What are you exchanging?

- Oh, just a few things.

- Uh, such as what?

- Well, the slip that
Mother gave me is too small.

And Claire Randolph
gave me a sandwich plate

I'd like in a different pattern.

And Mary Dunkle gave
me a pretty sweater

that I'd like in
a different color.

- Well, is that all
you're exchanging?

- Yes, why?

- Oh, nothing.

I was just wondering.

- No, don't worry, dear.

Everything you gave
me is just perfect.

- Oh, that's good to here.

[music playing]

[chime]

- What's the matter?

- Oh-- [stammering] that's
the ha-- uh, did you just--

yes, you-- you-- you bought that
hat quite recently, didn't you?

- Yes, I got it on sale.

Isn't it cute?

- Oh, yeah.

It-- it's very diplomatic.

[music playing]

It's-- yeah.

Doesn't seem to be
anybody around here.

You don't think they'll
mind exchanging this?

- Of course not, dear.

They'll be glad to.

- Just kind of
embarrassed about this.

Uh, women do this sort
of thing so much better.

- May I help you?

- Oh, yes.

Uh, uh, my wife would like--

- You go ahead, dear, and
I'll take these things over

and exchange them
and come right back.

- [stammering] But I--

um, my-- my wife and I
would like to exchange this.

Uh, you understand
that there is nothing

wrong with the merchandise?

This is in no way
to be considered

a criticism of the Emporium.

We've shopped here
for many years.

And we've always been
happy about our purchases.

- Well, that's fine.

- Yeah, this was a Christmas
present from a friend of mine.

He's a very old friend.

We've been neighbors for a
good many years now, really

a wonderful person.

- I'm sure he is.

- However, he gave us
this for Christmas,

and if it wouldn't
be too much trouble,

I don't want to
inconvenience you,

but I would like
to exchange this.

- Oh, it's no trouble at all.

What is it?

- Oh, it's one of
your fruitcakes.

- Oh.

Oh, yes, of course.

Was it damaged in some way?

- No, no, no-- it's in
perfect physical condition.

It's hard as a rock.

- You mean, the
fruitcake was stale?

- Oh, no.

In fact, it's very tasty.

I imagine, some people are
very fond of fruitcake.

- Oh, I am.

My Aunt makes
delicious fruitcake.

- Oh, well, good for her.

My mother, too, always
made delicious fruitcake.

But even as a small boy, I
just never cared for fruitcake.

- I see.

Would you like a credit
on this, or did you

say there was something else
you'd like to exchange it for?

- Well, uh, yes, I would like
to exchange it for one of those

large jars of the Gibraltar
candy, that hard candy,

the old-fashioned type.

- Oh, yes, we have that here.

- That's it, yes.

- Do you have your Charga-Plate?

- My Charga-Plate?

- There'll be a slight
additional charge.

The candy is $2 more
than the fruitcake.

- Oh, my--

- Is something wrong?

- Oh, uh, no, I--

I don't have my, uh, Charga--

here, I have my
license if that's--

- Oh, fine.
Thank you.

- Name and address
is right there.

- Let's see--

Mr. Ozzie Nelson, address--

well, that's strange.

Do you know a Mr. Thornberry
in your neighborhood?

- Well, yes.

He's my next-door neighbor.

- Well, this is a coincidence.

He was in here just
a few minutes ago

with a jar of candy
just like that,

and he exchanged
it for a fruitcake.

[music playing]

- How you doing, dear?

- Well, uh, Harriet, uh, this--

[chime]

I hate to say this,
dear, but that's

the silliest looking hat
you've ever worn in your life.

[music playing]

Bad enough that Thorny was
two-faced and mealymouthed,

but the thing that
really burns me up is he

got a $2 refund on my present.

Think of that, Harriet.

The hard candies cost $2
more than the fruitcake.

How do you like that?

- What's wrong with my hat?

- Well, nothing.

Your hat is beautiful, Harriet.

I was just kind of
burned up at Thorny.

Wait till I see that big faker.

I was right the first time.

A direct approach is the only
way you can keep friends.

Diplomacy is all right.

If you ask me, there's nothing
better than coming right out

and telling the truth.

Personally, if there's
one thing I can't stand,

it's a hypocrite.

[music playing]

[music playing]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family--

- Ozzie.
- Harriet.

- David.

- Ricky.

- --will be brought
to you by Hotpoint.

- And remember, Hotpoint
changes your viewpoint--

- Automatically.

[chime]

- Janet Waldo was the
department store sales clerk.

The waitress was June Fenley.

This is Verne Smith speaking.