All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S02E05.Davids.Pipe.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-ZEW_track3_[eng]

- Oh, hi.

I was just reading this
interesting article

about Antizyme Toothpaste.

You know it's the
only toothpaste that

keeps your teeth free from
decay-forming acids all day

long with just one brushing?

- Not only that, it
tastes good, too.

[theme music]

- Listerine, the most widely
used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first
all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste,

present "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife
Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door
neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Anybody seen the sports page?

- I think it's over
there on the chair.

- May I be excused, please, Mom?

- Yes, of course, dear.

Oh, David.

Hey, wait a minute.

Let me take a look at
your sleeves there.

Oh, Ozzie, look at this.

- Hmm?

- I said, look at this
hole in David's sleeve.

We're going to have
to do something

to get rid of those darn moths.

- I bet you tore it on a nail.

- I did not.

- No, this is a moth hole.

I found another small one
in your father's topcoat.

You'd better take
that off, David,

before it gets any bigger.

- Has anybody seen
the sports page?

- I think it's over
there in the chair.

- How do you get
rid of moths, Mom?

- Well, that's a
good question, dear.

They have regular
companies, I believe,

that fumigate the
closets for you.

We've never had
any trouble before.

- How do they eat through cloth?

- Well, I think it's the eggs
that cause all the trouble.

Isn't that right, Ozzie?

- Hmm?
Uh, no thanks.

No more eggs.

They were delicious.

- The sports page is
over there on the chair.

- What's that got to do with it?

- Do with what?

- With moths.

- Can I be excused, please?

I can't follow
this conversation.

- Can't blame you.

Where are you
going this morning?

- Oh, no place.
Just out with the fellas.

- Well, don't you know
where you're going?

- We haven't decided yet, Mom.

- Harriet, I wish you wouldn't
pump the boy like that.

- I'm not pumping him.

I just want to know where he's
going and who he's going with.

- Don't worry about me, Mom.

I'm very resourceful.

- Well, I hope so.

- Of course he is.

- Thanks, Pop.

- Pop?

- Yeah?

- What does "resourceful" mean?

- Why don't you look
it up in the dictionary

if you don't know what it means?
- That's OK.

I think I know what
it means anyway.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

OK, what does it mean?

- Come to think of it, I guess
I don't know what it means.

- Why don't you look it up?

- I guess I'm just too lazy.

- Well, that's a good answer.

- I may not be resourceful,
but I'm lazy and I'm honest.

At least that's something.

- I hope he doesn't play
football with those big guys

and get hurt.

- Harriet, you know,
I'm surprised at you.

You don't have any confidence
in the boys anymore.

- Why?

Just because I asked
Ricky where he was going?

I was just showing a
little motherly interest.

- Well, I know, but there's
such a thing as being

too protective, you know.

After all, the kids
are going to spend

a major part of their
lives on their own,

and I think we should allow
them to become individuals

as soon as possible.

- Oh, I agree with that.

- Uh, is that coffee warm?

- No, not very.

- I just think we ought to allow
them to use our own judgment as

much as possible and
only give them our advice

when we feel they actually need
it or when they ask for it.

- Well, sure.

I just want to know who they're
with and where they are.

I don't see any harm in that.

Would you hand me that section
in the paper over there?

- On the chair?
- Mhm.

Thank you.

- Oh!

I just gave you
the sports section.

- No, I'll give it back
to you in just a minute.

The woman's page is
on the back of it.

- I want to read about
the fights last night.

- Well, how about this in
Abigail Cabbott's column.

- Hmm?

- She's found a sure way
of getting rid of moths.

- Oh.

- Now, wait a minute.

I'm just giving you a practical
example of resourcefulness.

Now, you want to read
Abigail Cabbott's column,

and I want to read about
last night's fights.

So I'll merely tear
ol' Abigail out.

There you are.

Right there.

Read all about it.

- Smart idea.

- Uh, Harriet?

- Yes, dear?

- Uh, when you're through
reading Abigail's column,

would you turn it over and
read me about the fights?

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Can you spare a moment?

- Yeah, always happy for
any slight interruption.

What's on your mind?

- Well, it's about my boy Will.

- Well, I think Will
is a fine young fella.

- Well, he is, Oz, but it seems
that there's a new kid that's

moved into the neighborhood.

Will's been palling
around with him.

- Well, what about it?

- Well, I just think he'll
be a bad influence on Will.

There's something about
this boy I don't like.

- Well, uh, just what
do you mean, Thorny?

- Well, now it's
nothing definite, Oz.

It's just that I
don't like the boy.

For one thing, he's quite
a bit older than Will.

- Oh, I don't think
I'd worry about that.

After all, Will's a
pretty observant kid.

- Yes, but he's also at a
very impressionable age.

Sometimes an older boy can
have quite an influence

on a younger boy.

- Yeah, well, I suppose so.

Frankly, Thorny, I
think this is something

you'll have to work out
between you and your son.

- Well, I realize that,
Oz, but I thought maybe

you might have a
few suggestions.

- It's not that I'm not
interested, you understand,

Thorny, but it's just that
oftentimes a well-intentioned

friend can do more harm
than good with his advice,

no matter how
well-meaning it may be.

- Oh, sure, sure.

- And I happen to have some
pretty firm convictions

that kids ought to be allowed
to choose their own friends,

and these ideas may not
coincide with yours.

- Well, I understand that, Oz.

It's probably nothing
to worry about.

- You're liable to find
they're kind of warm there.

- That's OK.

You see, Will's been running
around with this big guy

so much that I feel I should
do something about it.

- Well, I'll tell you
what I'll do, Thorny.

I'll give you my
honest opinion, but I

want you to promise me
one thing that you'll

feel free to completely
disregard my advice in case you

don't agree with me.

- Well, OK, Oz.

What's the advice?

- Well, Thorny, the way I
see it, more often than not,

parents are just too
possessive of their children.

- Well, sure.

That's right.

- I feel that the
best we can do is

make sure our kids get the
proper training and environment

at home, and then count
on that proper training

to enable them to
evaluate their problems

as they arise in
the outside world.

- Well, thanks, Oz.

I think I'll do
just what you said.

- Oh.

- Yes, sir, I'm going
to tell Will flatly

that I absolutely forbid
him to see that boy again.

- No, no, no, no.

Wait a minute, Thorny.

That's not what I said at all.

- Well, you sure did.

You said for me to feel free
to disregard your advice,

didn't you?

Well, that's exactly
what I'm going to do.

- Now just a second.

- Thanks for the Coke, Oz.

- OK, go ahead.

Be a meddling,
interfering parent.

See if I care!

[music playing]

- Where have you been?

- Oh, hi.

Outside wasting my
breath, trying to get

Thorny a little advice.

- What about?

- He's worried about
absolutely nothing.

It seems Will is running
around with some older boy

that Thorny doesn't like.

Thorny doesn't have
enough confidence

in his son to let him
use his own judgment

and select his friends.

- Sounds like you two
had quite an argument.

- No, there was no
argument at all.

I told Thorny what I
thought he ought to do,

so he's going to go right
ahead and do what he wanted

to do in the first place.

- Well, at least
we came out even.

- After all, you got to
have a little confidence

in your children.

Thorny doesn't seem to realize
we have a couple of growing

young men in our midst.

- Were you looking for me, Pop?

- [chuckles]

- The mailman just
brought this for you, Pop.

- Oh, this is a surprise.

- It's postmarked New Jersey.

- Maybe it's from
Grandma Nelson.

- We'll see.

It's a letter.

Oh, how about this.

- Well, come on.

As long as you have made
this a community project,

what does it say?

- This is from a guy I went
to school with back home.

"You may be surprised
to learn that I

am in the business of
manufacturing pipes.

We have a special model
called the Varsity Letter,

and since I imagine
your older boy

David must be in college by
now, I am sending one to him

with the initial D on it.

I hope he likes it."

- Hey, how about that!

- Careful, David.

- Evidently, he
thinks David's quite

a bit older than he really is.

- Well, yes, evidently.

- Let me see it.

- Boy, take your hands
off it, will you?

I don't want to get
any finger marks on it.

I'm going to see what it
looks like in the mirror.

- Why don't you see what it
looks like in your mouth?

- How about that?

Giving David a pipe?

- Well, it was
thoughtful of him.

- Oh, oh, sure.

Like you say, he
probably figures David's

a lot older than he really is.

See, that's not
an uncommon thing

for people to misjudge the age
of other people's children.

You think I ought to take
the pipe away from David?

- Well, he did give it to him.

- Oh, yes, well, I
don't mean permanently.

But I mean, do you
think maybe I ought

to just keep the pipe until
David is old enough to smoke?

Oh, oh.

Uh, come to think of
it, David probably

never will smoke, uh, that is he
won't be much interested in it

because kids usually follow
after their parents and things

like that.

And I'm not much of a
smoker, so, as I say,

chances are David might
not even smoke at all.

- You are going to let him
make his own decision though,

aren't you?

- Oh, yes, certainly.

After all, it's up to David
to make his own decision

about a thing like that.

If he wants to
smoke, he can just

go ahead and smoke,
when he reaches

the proper age, of course.

- How old is that?

- Oh, say, 29 or 30.

[music playing]

- Hello, my boy.

- What the heck are you doing?

- What's it look like I'm doing?

I'm smoking.

- Smoking what?

Air?

- Here.

Read some of your comic books.

- It's OK.

I can wait until you finish.

- I'm not interested
in the comic books.

Have you seen the morning paper?

- Well, if you're
looking for the funnies,

they're downstairs.

- Who cares about the funnies?

I was interested in
the financial page.

- The heck are you doing now?

- Blowing smoke rings.

What do you think?

- Looks like you're
blowing your top.

- I'm just practicing.

That's all.

Later, when I
graduate from college

and I'm all through
with athletics,

I'm going to smoke a pipe.

- You look pretty
silly to me, boy.

- Nobody asked your opinion.

- Only a dope sits around
smoking on an empty pipe.

- Never mind, half-pint.

- Pretty crazy, boy.

Puffing on an empty pipe.

How about letting
me have a puff?

- Sorry, shorty.

You're too young.

- I suppose you think
you're a big man

or something with that pipe.

- Yeah, I think so.

I think you're
pretty envious, too.

- I am not.

- You are, too.

- I am not.

- Oh, you're not, huh?

- No, I'm not.

What does "envious" mean anyway?

- You're jealous of my pipe.

- I am not.

- You are, too.

- I am not.

Listen, I get all the pipes
I want to from Iggy Magoo.

- What makes you think you
can get any pipes from Iggy?

- Because his
father's a plumber.

We get awful good ones, boy.

[imitating chuckle]

- Glad you think so.

Hope you don't mind
if I just ignore you.

- Stop blowing smoke
in my eyes, will you?

- What are you hanging
around here for anyway?

- I just want to see whether
you're going to smoke that pipe

or not.

- I've got a very good reason
for not smoking it yet.

- You've got two very
good reasons: Mom and Pop.

- For your
information, you're not

supposed to smoke a pipe
until you've broken it in.

- Why don't you give it to me?

I'm pretty good at
breaking things.

-

- You're gonna put
some tobacco in it now?

- Nope.

Just cleaning it.

- If you aren't
going to smoke it,

what are you going
to do with it?

- That's my business.

- I'll bet you'll never
do anything with it.

- Just stick around, sonny boy.

You may be surprised.

[music playing]

- Has David gotten back yet?

- No, he's still running
around in the neighborhood,

showing off his new pipe.

- What do you think we
ought to do about it?

- In what way?

- Well, should we
let him keep it?

- Oh, sure, Harriet.

After all, he
can't hurt anything

just walking around with
a pipe in his mouth,

as long as it's empty.

- And you don't think he'll
be tempted to try smoking it?

- No, of course not.

After all, you have to
have a little confidence

in your children.

Besides, I can always
phone the drugstore

and tell them not to
sell him any tobacco.

- I'm sure they wouldn't anyway.

- That's true.

Well, I'm sure David wouldn't
try to buy any either.

- No, of course he wouldn't.

- Of course not.

Oh, we're both silly to
be worrying about this.

David's only having a little
harmless fun showing off

his pipe.

By tomorrow, he'll have
forgotten about it.

You know how kids are.

- Yes, you're probably right.

- Oh, sure.

I had a pipe when
I was a boy, too.

I was even younger than David.

It was a big old corncob pipe.

Couldn't find any tobacco,
so I loaded it up with paper.

It was fun for a while, but
then a couple of months,

I'd forgotten all about it.

- A couple of months?

- Well, it took about
that long for my eyebrows

to grow back in.

- I hope David doesn't
try something like that.

- Oh, of course not.

Believe me, Harriet, you don't
have to worry about David.

- Well, I wasn't until you
told me that comforting story

about your corncob pipe.

- Well, David's a
lot smarter than--

that is, he is a lot
older than I was.

Believe me, Harriet,
everything's

going to turn out all right.

- Yes, I guess so.

- Of course.

You know how David is.

I mean, today, it's a pipe.

Tomorrow, it will
be something else.

- What's the matter?

- I just hope tomorrow,
it isn't cigars.

[music playing]

What the heck are
you trying to do?

Start a sandstorm?

- Oh, hi, Oz.

- I must admit you look very
fetching in that outfit.

- Oh, thanks, thanks.

Catherine had to go
to a club meeting,

and I was sort of drafted
into cleaning the house.

- Oh, that seems only fair
since you're the guy who

messes it up most of the time.

- Yeah, that's practically
the same thing Catherine said.

- Oh, that reminds
me, by the way.

Have you spoken to Will
about this kid, you know,

this older boy who's been
running around with--

the boy you didn't like, Buzzy--

- I certainly did, Oz.

I talked cold turkey to him.

Really laid it
right on the line.

- Oh, good for you.

- I simply said to him, "Will,
I don't like this Buzzy Banks

kid.

I don't think he's
the right type of boy

for you to be friends with.

I think he's a bad
influence, and I don't

want you to see him anymore.

Now, is that perfectly clear?"

- I hope you told
Will to get a haircut.

- You know, Oz, you don't
quite approve of my high-handed

manner and you think it's
a little dictatorial,

but it sure works.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I think you have a perfect right
to discipline your boy any way

you see fit.

- Oz, a boy respects
his father more

to get a little tough with him.
- Yeah.

- You got to let the kid know
who's the boss in the house.

- Oh, oh, sure, sure.

- And Will really
knows who it is now.

Believe me.

- Oh, yeah.

I wonder if you do.

- Don't let my domestic
outfit fool you.

Behind this apron, there
beats a heart of iron.

- Sure.

- Oh, by the way, I
wanted to ask you.

What's David doing with a pipe?

Or am I telling
tales out of school?

- Oh, no, no, no.
We know all about that, Thorny.

It was a gift from an old
friend of the family's.

- Yeah, fine friend.

- Oh, no, no, no,
this fellow's--

might say sort of
a traveling man.

He goes all over the country.

- It's OK, Oz.

My family knows a few
unsavory characters, too.

- Really, there's nothing
unsavory about this guy.

He just happened to think that
David is a little older than he

really is.

I think it's darn nice of
the guy to send Dave a pipe.

- Well, if I were you, I'd
certainly take the pipe away

from the boy.

- Well, what for, Thorny?

I have confidence in David.

Look, you have your
methods and I have mine.

That's an old
difference of opinion

we've been talking about.

- Yeah, you're
absolutely right, Oz.

Every man's entitled
to his own opinion.

After all, it's that
difference of opinion

that makes elections,
competitive sports,

juvenile delinquents.

- Thorny, that's ridiculous.

David is no more a juvenile
delinquent than your boy Will.

- Well, I'll tell you this much.

You'll never see my boy
Will smoking a pipe.

- David isn't smoking
the pipe, Thorny.

He's just showing it off to his
friends in the neighborhood.

That's all.

- OK, OK, Oz.

If you say so.

- What's the harm in
a kid walking around

with an empty pipe in his mouth?

- Nothing, nothing.

An empty pipe is
perfectly harmless.

- Well, I guarantee you David
will never put tobacco in it.

- Well, I'm certainly
glad you told me that.

Frankly, I was a little worried.

- Worried about what?

- Well, when I was
down at the drugstore

buying some furniture
polish, David

came in and bought a
can of Old Castaway.

- Old Castaway?

What's that?

- It's a very
cheap pipe tobacco.

I understand they make
this stuff out of lint

from the pockets of old
Confederate uniforms.

- It couldn't possibly
have been David.

- Oh, look Oz, it
was David, all right.

If the boy's going to
smoke, why don't you

give him a decent allowance so
he could get some good tobacco?

- I don't believe it, Thorny.

In the first place, a
druggist wouldn't sell tobacco

to a minor.

- Well, David had a good
reason for buying it.

I heard the excuse
he gave the druggist.

- You seem to know an awful
lot about what David was doing.

- Well, Oz, I was right
there in the drugstore

and I couldn't help overhearing
from where I was hiding

behind the soda fountain.

- In other words, you
were spying on the boy.

- No, I wasn't spying.

I just thought you
might want to know.

That's all.

- You say he had an excuse
for buying the tobacco?

- That's right.

A very logical excuse.

I heard him tell the druggist
he wanted it for his mother.

Evidently, this family friend
sent Harriet a pipe, too.

Harriet...

- I just can't believe David
would do a thing like that.

- Oz, I wouldn't worry about it.

Kids are just naturally curious.

Well, I'll bet you
in a couple of days,

David throws that pipe away.

He'll throw it away a lot
sooner that if he tries

a pipe full of Old Castaway.

- This is so disillusioning.

It's bad enough that he bought
the tobacco without making up

a big phony story about it.

- Gee whiz, Oz.

I didn't think you'd
take this so seriously.

David's a fine boy.

He doesn't mean to do any harm.

- Well, of course he's
a fine boy, Thorny.

It's not his fault. It's mine.

It's always the parent's fault.
I've missed out here somewhere.

Guess I've just been
too soft with the boy.

Harriet?

- I'm in here.

- Harriet, have you seen David?

- He left the house
a little while ago.

Why?

Something wrong?

- Yeah, I'm afraid so.

I'm afraid this
pipe business has

gotten a little out of hand.

- Oh, I don't think so, dear.

- Oh, now wait a minute.

I wish you were right, but
unfortunately you're not.

I know better.

I want you just to sit here
calmly and not get excited.

- All right, dear.

- Well, Thorny was
down at the drugstore,

and he saw David buy
a can of pipe tobacco.

- Oh?

- Harriet, I said Thorny
was down at the drugstore

and he saw David buy
a can of pipe tobacco.

- Yes, dear, I heard you.

- Well, how can you just
sit there so calmly?

- Well, that's what
you told me to do.

- He not only saw David buy
a can of pipe tobacco, Old

Castaway pipe tobacco, but
David told the druggist

he was buying it for you.

- That's right.

He was.

- Now, Harriet,
Harriet, Harriet,

if you're just trying to
say this to protect the boy.

- Oh, no.
Really, dear.

I asked David to go down and buy
me a can of very cheap tobacco.

- You really did?

- Yes.

I got the idea from
Abigail Cabbott's column.

Look.
You see these little white bags?

- Well, what about them?

- Well, you fill
them with tobacco

and you hang them in
the clothes closet,

and they keep the moths away.

- Well, how about that.

And I was really worried
there for a minute.

- You mean you
really thought David

had taken up smoking a pipe?

- No, I was afraid you had.

- Well, you don't have to
worry about either one of us.

David got rid of his pipe.

- Oh.
Well.

when did this happen?
- I don't know.

Told me he gave it away
a little while ago.

- Oh, well, I knew something
like this would happen.

Didn't I tell you it would?

- Yes, you did, dear.

- Sure.

Who did he give it to?

- I didn't ask him.

I was just happy to get
it out of the house.

- Yeah, I guess
you're right at that.

See, parents have to
have a little more faith

and confidence in
their children.

- Hiya, Mom.

Hiya, Pop.

How do I look?

- Ricky, where did
you get that pipe?

- David gave it to me.

Neat, huh?

- Oh, fine.

- Want to see me smoke it?

- Well, you mean to say
you've been smoking that pipe?

- That's what a pipe's for.

Ricky Nelson's wet smoke ring.

[music playing]

- [WHISPERING] Oh, hi, Dave.

I was afraid you
might be asleep.

- [WHISPERING] Ricky is.

I was just going to turn off the
lights in a couple of minutes.

- I just want you
to know your mother

and I are very
proud of you, son.

- Oh, gee.

How come, Pop?

- Well, you justified
our faith in you today.

After all, your mother
knew you had that pipe,

and yet she sent you down to the
store to buy a can of tobacco.

- Gee, I don't mind
running errands for mom.

- Well, I know you don't,
David, but a lot of boys,

just out of idle
curiosity, might

have been tempted to
try some of the tobacco.

You weren't, though.

- Oh, I was tempted, Pop.

- Well, perhaps you were.

However, the important
thing is that you

didn't yield to the temptation.

- Oh, I know.

I thought about it.

Then something very powerful
and strong held me back.

- I know, son.

That was your conscience.

- No, I think it was
my nose when I got

a whiff of that Old Castaway.

[ending theme]

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by
Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Don't forget that a
completely different episode

of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday
night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for
time and radio station.

[music playing]