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1
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# I would like to leave this city
2
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,920
# This old town
don't smell too pretty
3
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:22,080
# And I can feel the warning signs
running around my mind
4
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,520
# So what do you say?
5
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:30,120
# You can't give me the dreams
that are mine anyway
6
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:34,480
# Half the world away
7
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:38,280
# Half the world away
8
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# Half the world away
I've been lost, I've been found... #
9
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,800
'Do you know where Bermuda is?
10
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:50,800
'Some think it's in the Caribbean.
Others think it's in the Bahamas.
11
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:57,400
'It's 600 miles off
the east coast of the USA,
bang in the middle of the Atlantic.
12
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:04,120
'My hotel is on the waterfront
in Hamilton - the capital
and social pulse of the island.
13
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:09,440
'There's a well-defined dress code -
casual, semi-formal, smart-formal.
14
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,400
'But one item fits them all -
Bermuda shorts.'
15
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,960
Doesn't it look lovely there?
16
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,080
Bermuda, my arse!
17
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,160
'What about colours this season?'
18
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:28,040
She's looking her age, though,
in't she, Judith Chalmers?
19
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,680
I don't know.
20
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,120
How old is she?
21
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,680
Oh, don't know.
22
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,560
'I'll look at the colours, Graham.'
23
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,320
She's got some lovely
wrap-round skirts, though.
24
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,840
'But it was already tea time.
25
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:53,040
'This must be one of the most
spectacular views on the course.'
26
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:58,640
Who do you think's the oldest,
her or Gloria Hunniford, Jim?
27
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:03,440
Jim! Who do you think's the eldest,
her or Gloria Hunniford?
28
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:07,920
I couldn't give a shiny shite!
Bloody hell, Barb.
29
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:15,400
You know Darren's cousin Steve? Yeah.
He's been abroad twice this year.
30
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,720
Ooh! Oh, aye,
and where did he go to, lad?
31
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:24,640
He went to Magaluf in February
and Lloret de Mar in July. Ooh.
32
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:29,400
He's hardly Alan bloody Whicker.
Them foreign holidays are a swizz.
33
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:35,160
Them travel agents rip every bugger
off. Mugs like him fall for it.
34
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:40,080
Fall for what? There's nothing you
can do abroad you can't do here.
35
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:47,040
They're having a good time.
My arse! They spend half the time
on the khazi, having wild shites!
36
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,240
They may as well do that at home.
37
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,560
You are a miserable sod, Jim.
38
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,600
DOORBELL RINGS
39
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,600
Get that door, will you, Antony?
40
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:10,880
If it's the Invisible Man,
tell him I can't see him.
41
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,760
..The Invisible Man!
42
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,200
Hiya. It's only Dave and Denise.
43
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,400
Hiya!
44
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,760
All right, Dave?
45
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,760
You all right, Dave?
46
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,960
Yeah.
47
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:35,840
'The whole island is spick-and-span.
The standard of living is high...'
48
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,160
Have you had your teas? Yeah. Yeah.
49
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,720
What did you have?
50
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,280
Dairylea on toast. Bloody hell!
51
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:51,560
Bet you were looking forward
to that all day, Dave! Waiting
to get home to that delicacy!
52
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:56,480
Shut it, Dad. Bloody hell, girl.
Dairylea on toast?! Come on, now!
53
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,840
Delia Smith needn't worry.
54
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,120
I made it meself!
55
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,400
Go 'way.
56
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,360
I don't mind Dairylea, me.
57
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,600
'..And that's with Main Street, USA.
58
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,040
'Back in Magaluf,
the beach goes on and on...'
59
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,960
Can I make you a nice bacon butty,
Dave? Oh, please. That'd be lovely.
60
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,640
Go and put some bacon on for us,
Antony.
61
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:34,280
You make a right show of me, Dave.
You said that was enough for you.
62
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:39,080
It's only a bit of bacon!
A bit of MY bloody bacon!
63
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:44,400
'..It's the honeymoon capital. Who
says the age of romance is gone?'
64
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,440
Oh, Antony,
put some under for me an' all.
65
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,520
Dad!
66
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,600
What? Your fly hole's all undone.
67
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,920
The cage might be open,
but the beast is asleep.
68
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,360
Beast, my arse!
69
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:23,720
Mam? Mmm? Will you ask our Antony
to make my bacon dead crispy? Yeah.
70
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,400
Antony!
Make Denise's bacon dead crispy!
71
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,400
Here you are, love.
72
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,160
Oh, no, thanks.
73
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,280
What's up with you? Nothing.
74
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,840
Have you given up?
75
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:54,080
Yeah. You've always loved smoking.
76
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:58,040
Me and Dave have something
to tell you.
77
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:05,120
You said you weren't going to say
owt. Well, I am now. You said it was
a secret. That was this morning.
78
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,760
Mam, Dad, we're pregnant.
79
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,560
Bloody hell!
80
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,680
Put it there, David. Thanks, James.
81
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,000
Come here, give your dad a hug.
82
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,680
Come here. Well done!
83
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:29,120
Well done, love. I can't believe it.
I can't believe it. Well done.
84
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:34,600
Hey, Antony! Antony! Our Denise
and David are having a baby.
85
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,200
Nice one.
Put some bacon under for the baby!
86
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:44,920
I can't believe our Antony.
There's a new life forming
in my womb. He's not even arsed.
87
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,760
Oh, Denise.
Oh, I'll have to have a ciggy.
88
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,400
When's it due? January.
January? Oh, are you pleased, Dave?
89
00:06:55,400 --> 00:07:01,760
Yeah, delighted.
They don't come cheap. You'll have
to get all the overtime you can.
90
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:06,720
Well done, Denise. At least you can
do something bloody properly.
91
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:10,840
Well, I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
92
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,480
Can you believe it?
93
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,520
Yeah.
94
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,360
Oh! Oh, no, I like it.
95
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,760
Oooh...lovely!
96
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,920
Aw, Mam!
97
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,400
Aw, Dave, look at me Mam. I know.
Aw-w.
98
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:45,320
Aw-w. D'you know...I've been
waiting for this day all my life.
99
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:51,600
I can't tell you
how happy you've made me.
Are your mum and dad pleased?
100
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,600
I haven't told them yet, with it
being a secret an' all. Oh, yeah.
101
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,360
Oh, Jim, our first grandchild.
102
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,760
I know. I can't bloody believe it.
103
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,120
Aw-w-w. When did you find out?
104
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:16,120
Well, my period was late, right?
And then I was really sick.
105
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:22,840
I thought it was a hangover.
The night before, we'd had
that lock-in at the Feathers.
106
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:29,480
The next day, I was sick again
so I went and got a pregnancy kit.
Ten quid, they are.
107
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:34,880
A line came up in the square window.
Oh, Denise, the square window!
108
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:41,240
Yeah! So I were shouting for Dave
at the top of the stairs,
but he was watching telly.
109
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,960
What was you watching, Dave?
Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
110
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,720
Then he come up. I'm like,
"Daddy, guess what?" ..Didn't I?
111
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,240
Mmm. Did he know what you meant?
112
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:58,480
No. No. But then I says,
"Dave, I'm pregnant" - like that,
113
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,720
and the penny dropped, didn't it?
Yeah, straight away.
114
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:07,920
And then I let him look in the
square window. The square window!
115
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:12,840
Bet you were delighted, weren't you,
Dave? Oh, yeah, big style.
116
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,360
£10 for a bloody pregnancy test?!
Bloody highway robbery.
117
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,000
Our Denise.
118
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,160
God.
119
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,560
Oh, see last night, right,
we was watching Animal Hospital.
120
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:37,720
Dave had his head there on me belly
and he was just talking to the baby.
121
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,640
Aw-w. Knob head!
122
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,720
What d'you want, Dave? I want a boy.
123
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,280
Yeah. Or a girl!
124
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,760
Or a girl, yeah. Or a girl.
125
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,360
Antony! Bring me the phone!
126
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,840
I'm going to tell your nana.
127
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:06,640
Aw-w. Mam, will you let me
tell her? Oh, all right, then,
128
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,400
Hiya! Hiya, Mam!
129
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:23,280
Mam, our Denise and Dave have got
something very special to tell you.
130
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,720
Oh, OK, then. Bye!
131
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,800
Can we ring her back after Corrie?
132
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:39,440
I wouldn't ring her back
for bloody spite now.
Bloody old snatch! Jim! Well!
133
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:51,800
Aw, Dave's making a start on making
that boxroom into a nursery.
134
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,720
Aw-w. What will you do with the
moped that was in it? That's going.
135
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,320
That's going nowhere. Dave!
136
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:04,440
You can't put a baby in with
a moped. I'll put a cover on it.
137
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,560
< It's great news that, our kid.
138
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,880
I can't wait.
139
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:14,120
Aw, thanks. Give your sister a kiss,
shake Dave's hand.
140
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,680
Nice one, Dave.
Cheers, buddy.
141
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,760
Aw-w.
142
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,520
Antony!
Where's the red sauce for Dave?
143
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:35,160
No red sauce.
Get the red sauce, you lazy sod!
144
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,640
God, he's bone bloody idle.
145
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,880
Don't know where he gets it from.
146
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:57,080
Hey, Denise,
you're eating for two now.
147
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,400
Oh, yeah!
148
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,160
Oh, in't it lovely? Yeah.
149
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:07,040
D'you know what? I really,
really hope it's a girl. Oh, yeah.
150
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:11,720
I'm gonna get her ears pierced
before the christening.
151
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,440
Get her tattooed while you're at it.
152
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,840
Cheers, buddy.
153
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:23,520
Hey, Antony, we've got you down as
the main baby-sitter. Kiss my arse.
154
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,800
Nice one, Lurch!
155
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,960
Me and your dad will do
all your baby-sitting.
156
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,880
Thanks.
157
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:40,600
Anyway, what am I thinking about?
We should be celebrating!
158
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:46,360
Antony, nip down the offy and get
us some Pomagne. Never mind Pomagne.
159
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,640
How about the old...champagne?!
160
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,040
Dad!
161
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:57,120
Yeah, well, how much is that going
to set me back? About 25 quid.
162
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,840
Here's a fiver. Just get Pomagne.
163
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:07,840
Bloody hell! It's not twins, is it?
Denise, you can't have any. I can!
164
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:15,520
I can't get tanked up like usual,
but I can have a couple, can't I?
Oh, yeah. I did with you two.
165
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:31,440
Denise, have you thought about
any names yet?
166
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:36,640
I've thought about nothing else.
Everything I like, he doesn't like.
167
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:42,200
If it's a girl, I want Whitney.
Oh, Whitney? That's gorgeous.
168
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,400
Whitney.
169
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:50,400
What if it's a boy? Well, I really
want Keanu, but Dave wants Dave.
170
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:54,480
Oh. I don't think
you should have a Dave.
171
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,200
No. I mean, Dave's Dave.
172
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,840
Hm... What do you think, Jim?
173
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,360
Eh? What about?
174
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,680
Well, if it's a boy,
Dave wants to call it Dave.
175
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:12,360
What do you want another one for?
Get a bloody grip.
176
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:16,040
See?
Well, it's like handing it down.
177
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,440
My dad was Dave
178
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,640
and his dad,
and I think HIS dad was as well.
179
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:29,880
And HIS dad. It's about time you
put a bloody stop to it. Come on.
180
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:41,480
Hey, Denise, in't it funny you
being pregnant? You know Lorraine
across the road? Leggings Lorraine?
181
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,880
Yeah, she's been sterilised.
Has she? Yeah.
182
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,880
Well, four's enough
for any single mother.
183
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:55,480
I bet it's like a clown's pocket
there, Dave. Jim! What?!
184
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,400
Dave? Hmm? The baby wants some milk.
185
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,440
Aye.
186
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,840
Look at the big soft sod!
187
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:15,440
Dad! I'm pregnant.
I've got to take it easy now.
188
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:22,880
What d'you mean "now"? She's right.
She's got to drink a lot of milk.
It's good for the baby's teeth.
189
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,360
Is it? Oh, yes.
190
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,520
There you are, Mummy. Aw-w.
191
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,640
Thanks, Dave.
192
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:50,160
Denise, have you thought about
whether you'll breast-feed or not?
193
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,720
I wouldn't if I was you, love.
194
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:59,480
That's why the springs have
gone in your mother's. Boing!
Hey! You cheeky sod, Jim.
195
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:05,880
I haven't got bad boobs for my age.
Behave!
They're like bloody spaniel's ears.
196
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,560
That's the last time you see them,
then.
197
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:14,400
Hey! I'll not put the mockers
on your shrivelled knockers.
198
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:22,560
No, I'm not going to breast-feed.
I've been thinking about it, right?
199
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:28,640
If the baby wants feeding
in the night,
it'd mean me having to wake up.
200
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:33,680
But if it's bottle-fed, Dave can do
it, you know, when you're not there.
201
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,840
I've got to keep me independence,
that's the thing. Oh, yeah.
202
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,080
You must keep your independence.
203
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,600
Anyway, bottled stuff
is just as good. Yeah.
204
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,760
Do you know what size it is now?
Oh, no, what size?
205
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,480
What size was it again, Dave?
I dunno.
206
00:16:55,480 --> 00:17:00,240
Um...what was it?
Oh, yeah, the size of a little nut.
207
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,320
A little nut? Yeah.
Aw-w, Denise. A nut!
208
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:14,920
Hey, Dave, are you going to be
changing the nappies? Oh, yeah.
I'm going to get involved, me. Aw-w.
209
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:20,680
Oh, it's all different nowadays.
Bet Dad never changed our nappies.
210
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:26,080
Did he hell! I'm still wiping me
own arse 20 years later. Jim! Well!
211
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,360
Dad.
212
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,600
Eh, d'you know what Dave's getting?
213
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:39,680
You know one of those things
you put there and you put the baby
in it and you carry it around?
214
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,120
Are you, Dave?
215
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,400
That's not definite yet, Denise.
216
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,080
Dave, you said you were!
217
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,880
I'm not definite about it yet.
218
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,200
Dave!
219
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,400
I'll have carried it around in
my belly for nine months on me own.
220
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:06,440
You can always leave it here, when
you're shopping. It's THEIR baby!
221
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:12,040
I'm not going to be able to have
a nanny straight away, you know. Aw.
222
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:18,520
What bloody nanny?
I can't look after it full time.
I've got to have me independence.
223
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:24,880
What bloody independence?
Sitting on your arse, watching
Richard and Judy? She's right.
224
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:29,800
Why don't they leave it here
and visit the bugger once a week?
225
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,560
DOOR OPENS
226
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,440
Hey, I got some Asti!
227
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,440
THEY CHEER
228
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,240
Top one! I love Asti.
229
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,000
Change, please. Yeah, yeah.
230
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:51,680
Denise, I saw Dockers
and he's made up about the baby.
231
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:59,080
What are you telling people for?
It's mine and Dave's baby. Mam,
tell him to stop telling everyone.
232
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:06,160
Stop telling everyone, Antony.
I only told Dockers. So Dockers
knows about it before me own nana.
233
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,800
Bloody Nana's
more bloody interested
in bloody Corrie than the baby.
234
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:18,200
How many "bloodys" is that?
Anyway, come on. Let's celebrate!
235
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,520
# Oh, here we go, here we go...! #
236
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,040
Nice one, Barb.
It must be fresh, that.
237
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,880
You going to make a speech, Jim?
238
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:35,160
Bloody hell!
Let me have a drink first!
239
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:45,600
Loads for me - I'm drinking for two.
Oh, right. Right, pass that over.
240
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,880
More, Barb, for your little husband.
241
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:54,560
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me
great pleasure to be able to say
242
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,920
we know Dave isn't firing blanks.
243
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,520
Hey, I'm no jaffa.
244
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,120
It might not even be Dave's.
245
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:14,480
Antony, why do you have to spoil
EVERYTHING? Course it's Dave's!
246
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:20,040
Of course it's Dave's.
Course it's mine. Anyway, right...
247
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:26,000
to David, Denise and little Keanu,
all the best.
248
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,640
ALL: To Keanu!
249
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,520
Cheers, Dave.
250
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,400
Or Whitney!
251
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,400
ALL: Or Whitney!
252
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,040
Whitney!
253
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,800
Denise...
Hey! Don't neck it, Antony!
254
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,400
Can I have another? No, you can't.
255
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,040
I'm made up with you being pregnant.
256
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:55,640
If it was left to gay boy,
we'd never have grandkids.
257
00:20:55,640 --> 00:21:01,000
Jim, it's a celebration!
Oh, he's a little old bummer.
258
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,120
It's worth the extra few bob, that.
259
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,240
Mmm!
260
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,200
Dave?
261
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:24,720
Are you going to be at the birth?
I wouldn't miss that, Barbara.
262
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,080
At the goal end?!
263
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,880
At least he won't be in the pub
like you were.
264
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:37,480
I couldn't get in between
you and your mother. Huh!
You'll be there, Mam? Yeah!
265
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,240
I'm going to ask Cheryl an' all.
266
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,960
Why don't you just put a turnstile
in the maternity ward?
267
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:49,760
Oh! I've not even told Cheryl yet!
Antony, go and get Cheryl.
268
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,640
You get her.
I've got to rest. I'm with child!
269
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,360
Lurch,
do as your bloody sister asked you!
270
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,440
Where does he get it from, him?
271
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:09,000
Don't you go telling her!
I want to tell her.
272
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:15,800
Hey, I'm going to ask Cheryl
to be godmother. Are you? Yeah.
273
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,000
She'd be great - Cheryl. Oh, yeah.
274
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:24,040
And if I ask her to be godmother,
she won't mind baby-sitting. No.
275
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,800
Why don't you just get the baby
adopted?
276
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,600
Nothing like a mother's love(!)
277
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,160
Denise?
278
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,800
Are you going to ask Antony
to be godfather? No.
279
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,920
Anyway, Dave wants Gary.
Oh, do you, Dave?
280
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,880
Well, his mum died recently, Barbara.
281
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:56,520
Oh. And I owe him 200 quid,
282
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:56,520
so it should hold him off for a bit.
283
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,560
Oh, yeah.
284
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,440
Yeah.
285
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,560
Mam, where's Antony with Cheryl?
286
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:11,800
He'll be a while.
He'll still be trying to prise
her bloody head out of the fridge.
287
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,600
I'll move this before she spots it.
288
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,360
He'd better not have said anything.
289
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,960
Oh, don't worry. He won't.
290
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,840
# Congratulations... # Oh-h-h...
# ..and jubilations
291
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,600
# I want the world to know... #
292
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:46,040
Oh, congratulations.
293
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:46,040
Thanks, Mary.
294
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,760
I'm so pleased for you both.
..Dave!
295
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,560
MARY: It's lovely, isn't it, Jim?
296
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:57,560
I can't believe it. We were watching
the wedding video again last night.
297
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,480
Weird! All right, Joe?
298
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,800
What d'you think of the news?
Oh, aye.
299
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,280
Guess who I want to be godmother.
300
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:12,200
Who? You! Oh, Denise!
301
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:12,200
Oh, sweet Jesus!
302
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,440
It's so you'll baby-sit
all the bloody time. Jim!
303
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,680
Take no notice of him, love. I'd
love to look after it all the time.
304
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,720
Cheers! MUM: When's it due? January.
305
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:29,360
Oh, January. If it's early January,
it'll be Capricorn,
306
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:32,440
but later January, it'll be Aquarius.
307
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:37,160
I'm going to try and hold on
if I can cos Dave's Aquarius.
308
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,920
- Oh, are you an Aquarius, Dave?
- Yeah, I am, yeah.
309
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:46,480
Joe's Aquarius.
310
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:46,480
Oh, are you an Aquarius, Joe?
311
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,000
Yeah.
312
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,000
Let's hope the baby's Capricorn,
then, eh?
313
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:58,320
Joe, d'you want to go to the birth?
Denise is organising a coach trip.
314
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:05,520
A little baby, eh?
..A little baby.
315
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,680
Aye.
316
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:12,760
I can't believe it. I'm so made up.
Denise, you can eat for two now.
317
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,960
Yeah. Yeah. Dave's got to come
to antenatal classes.
318
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,640
WHOOPS AND CHEERS
319
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:27,800
Why go there, soft lad? I've got to
learn about everything, haven't I?
What's there to bloody learn?
320
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:33,920
Feed the bugger when it's hungry,
change it when it's crapped itself.
That's it!
321
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:38,920
You never came near these two when
they were little. Joe was the same.
322
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:46,080
When Cheryl was born,
he was terrified of holding her.
She was such a delicate little thing.
323
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,720
She was only 6lbs.
324
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,720
Cheryl?
325
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:50,920
Yes.
326
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,320
< They don't stay small for long.
327
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,080
No...
How's your diet going, Cheryl?
328
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,400
Oh, I lost half a stone.
329
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,240
Have you? Oh, Cheryl!
330
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,120
That's wonderful!
331
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:11,240
Oh, well done!
That's loads, that, Cheryl.
332
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,760
No, I don't mean half a stone.
I mean half a pound.
333
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:22,320
Oh, well... It's still good. Yeah!
It's going in the right direction.
334
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,960
MUM: Yes, it's marvellous.
335
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,280
Hey, your turn next, Cheryl.
336
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,320
Yeah.
337
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:37,280
All she needs to do now is find a
boyfriend, get married and conceive.
338
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,200
JOE: She's got no chance.
339
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,760
Denise pregnant.
340
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:50,440
And do you know about Lorraine
in her leggings? Sterilised. Yeah.
341
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,080
I've just been telling Denise. Yeah.
342
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:57,520
We'll have a bloody good night
the night the baby's born.
343
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,280
Right.
344
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:04,400
Big style!
345
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:04,400
You're not going.
346
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:04,400
Course I'm going!
347
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:10,480
You all have a great time.
I'll do all the hard work.
It'll be the first time!
348
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:18,280
And anyway, he's done
his little bit, haven't you, son?
Oh, Jim, don't spoil it.
349
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,320
They're in and out of hospital now.
350
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,320
Yeah. We were in a week! Yeah.
351
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:28,400
When I came home with Denise, there
wasn't a thing done in the house.
352
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:34,120
Jim hadn't even washed a dish.
I was leaving them to soak. Hmph!
353
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:41,360
Well, we better be going.
The Bill is on in a bit. Oh. We just
wanted to say congratulations.
354
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:47,440
Are you staying?
No, I'll have me tea and
come back. Will you still be here?
355
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:51,000
Yeah. Don't miss your tea.
You'll waste away.
356
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:56,080
MUM: Really lovely news. Aw,
thanks, Mary. See you. Bye, Mary.
357
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,760
Ta-ra, Joe!
358
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,600
Ta-ra!
359
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,600
< Bye, Joe.
360
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:13,000
Bloody hell.
I thought they were never going.
361
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:21,400
Tell you what, though, Joe was
made up about the baby, wasn't he?
362
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,120
ALL: Yeah.
363
00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:26,160
Aye...a little baby.
364
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:33,400
Got a great personality, though.
The South Bank Show were going
to do a one-hour special on him.
365
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,440
No, they are!
366
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,200
Aye, there's me newspaper.
367
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:48,600
I'm off to the khazi to try for
a little baby of me own.
368
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,800
Jim! Dad!
369
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,640
Hey, be careful of them stairs,
grandad.
370
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,400
Bloody hell, yeah - grandad!
371
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,120
Keanu, my arse!
372
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,720
# So what do you say?
373
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:15,480
# You can't give me the dreams
that are mine anyway
374
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,520
# Half the world away
375
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,720
# Half the world away
376
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,880
# Half the world away
377
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:32,320
# I've been lost, I've been found
But I don't feel down
378
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,480
# No, I don't feel down. #
51890
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