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1
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[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,213
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,515
With ronny howard...
4
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,152
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,264
Somethin'
Bothering you?
6
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:34,202
Ohh, I don't know.
7
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,638
Just wondering where
We're gonna eat lunch.
8
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,107
Oh.
9
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,674
What about the diner?
10
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,411
I checked the special
On the way in --
11
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:46,314
Chicken wings, rice,
And mixed vegetables.
12
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,715
That don't sound bad.
13
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,183
You know what she does.
14
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,618
She gives you two wings,
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,521
And usually from a chicken
That's done a lot of flying.
16
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,457
What you wind up
Paying for
17
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,459
Is the rice
And the mixed vegetables.
18
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,195
That's what it boils down to.
Might as well face it.
19
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,664
Well, we don't have to
Have the special.
20
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,334
I guess
We don't have to.
21
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869
Diner, then?
Okay.
22
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,304
[ glass breaking ]
23
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,840
You know who's back
In town, don't you?
24
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,214
Ernest t. Bass,
You come in here!
25
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,217
Howdy-do,
To you and you.
26
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,885
It's me, it's me,
It's ernest t.
27
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,421
Ernest t., how many times
Do I have to tell you
28
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,423
You can't go around
Breaking windows?
29
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,524
It's against the law!
30
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,725
Let's lock him up!
31
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,194
Let go of me!
32
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,263
Sheriff, tell him
To take his hands off me.
33
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,131
Take your hands
Off him, barney.
34
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,766
Ernest t., windows
Cost money!
35
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,435
Well, I'm fixin'
On paying for
That, sheriff.
36
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,237
Well, what'd you
Break it for?
37
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,638
I'll 'splain it to you.
38
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,907
[ yells ]
39
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,376
What is that?
40
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,743
Just rocks.
Look at 'em, huh?
41
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,279
Ain't they beauties?
42
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,247
Best bunch of rocks
I ever did bring into town.
43
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,648
Well, I'll
Just confiscate...
44
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,716
You let go of my rocks!
45
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,817
Ernest t.!
46
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,460
Let me 'splain my plan to you.
47
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,566
Well, it better be good,
I'll tell you that.
48
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,241
You...
You remember romena?
49
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,842
Yes.
50
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,345
Well, I been courting with her.
51
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,280
I heard you'd been over there.
52
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,748
What about the rocks?
53
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,484
I'll get to that.
I'll get to that.
54
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,220
Now t'other night
55
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,688
I figured it was time for me
To go on over to romena's house
56
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,857
And lay down my intention
To get betrothin' to her.
57
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,792
Yes.
58
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,361
Turned me down.
59
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,795
Can you imagine that?
60
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,963
Turned me down!
61
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,433
And after all the trouble
I went to
62
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,502
To make myself delightful
For her and attractive.
63
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,837
Here, lookit here.
64
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,473
A gold tooth?
65
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,709
Catches the glare
As my mouth kicked open.
66
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,380
Yeah, that's pretty flashy,
Ernest t., pretty flashy.
67
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,914
Dentist didn't do it,
You know.
68
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,584
Had it did at the sign company.
Gold leaf, they call it.
69
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,619
What about the rocks?
70
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,256
Gold tooth for a dollar --
You can't beat that.
71
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,790
What about the rocks?!
72
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,924
Will you ask him to hush?
73
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:11,825
Hush, barney.
Go ahead.
74
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,494
Now, I done all that
75
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,895
For my beloved romena.
76
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,664
You know what else I done?
77
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,399
Lookit here.
78
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,968
Shaved the back of my neck.
Huh? Slickity, ain't it?
79
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,704
Yeah, that's nice, ernest t.
That's nice, that's nice.
80
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,838
She turned you down?
81
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,574
Cold. Didn't want that.
Mnh-mnh.
82
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,809
Wanted something else.
You know what she wanted?
83
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,611
Wanted for me
To get an education.
84
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,979
Said I had no book learning.
85
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,414
I had to learn
To read and write.
86
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,583
I never knew a man
What could chunk a cow
87
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,385
Across his shoulders had to.
88
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,620
Ain't the same thing, ernest t.
89
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,622
I love that romena, sheriff.
90
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,823
Better'n my cow.
91
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,692
Better'n my .22 repeater.
92
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,327
I must to have her.
93
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,463
What about these
Cotton-picking rocks?!
94
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,365
I'm getting to that!
95
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,734
Sheriff...
96
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,370
I want you to help me
Get some schooling.
97
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,038
Learn me to read
And write
98
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,773
And tote up
My ciphers.
99
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,941
And then next week
100
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,344
I'll go on back
And pledge my troth
101
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,313
And get betrothin'
To romena.
102
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,448
It don't work
That way, ernest t.
103
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,483
It don't work
That way at all.
104
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,819
You can't get
An education in a week.
105
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,053
I can't?
106
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,989
No! An education
Is a long, tough job.
107
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:20,428
Then here's the answer
About them rocks, deputy.
108
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,464
If'n I don't get
That education
109
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,967
I'm going to bust
Every window in town.
110
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,869
Oh, no, you ain't!
111
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,039
Hold it!
112
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,708
Now, you ain't going
To bust no windows.
113
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:35,709
Mm-mm.
114
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,411
The first rock you throw
115
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,980
I'm going to put you
Under the jail!
116
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,788
Are you serious
About this education business?
117
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,022
'course I am.
118
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,325
I wouldn't fun about
A thing like that.
119
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,560
What are you thinking?
120
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:56,029
Well, I guess
Anything's possible.
121
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,765
Sheriff,
I already know
122
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,033
The whole front part
Of the alphabet.
123
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,670
A-b-c-f-l-g
And a lot of other letters
124
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,672
But not in a row
Like that.
125
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,340
And?
126
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,783
You're not thinking
About getting mixed up
With him again, are you?
127
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,085
Well, barn...
A man breaks a window
In the sheriff's office
128
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,887
And you're going
To help him?
129
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,590
Maybe this is a way to get him
To stop breaking windows.
130
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,592
Oh, boy. And you're going
To take on the job
131
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,859
Of trying to educate him?
132
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:37,004
He looks like
He wants to learn.
133
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,072
But, andy, my class
Is the fifth grade.
134
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,675
I thought if we'd put him
In with the bigger kids
135
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,544
He wouldn't look
So out of place.
136
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,546
But he'd need
Special attention.
137
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,580
Sure, he will,
138
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,148
And I'm planning
On helping him
139
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,383
With his homework.
140
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,618
It's worth a try, helen.
141
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,919
It's really worth a try.
142
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,422
He might even be
An inspiration to the others.
143
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,123
Oh, well, I don't
Know about that.
144
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,925
They may realize
How important
145
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,927
An education can be
To a person.
146
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,094
A full-grown man seeing the need
147
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,796
And trying to do something
About it.
148
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:06,066
Well, I guess it's possible.
149
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,067
You'll take him then?
150
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,436
Oh, all right, andy.
151
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,937
I'll explain it
To the principal,
152
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,440
And mr. Bass can start
Right after lunch.
153
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,642
You're a fine public servant,
You know that?
154
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,814
All right.
155
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,851
"The possum hid under the rock."
156
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,486
Who can break this down
157
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,855
And point out the preposition,
The object, the subject,
158
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,089
And the verb?
159
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,958
Why don't we break
Down that rock
160
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,994
And find out what
That possum's doing
In under there?
161
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,063
Mr. Bass, we'll get to you
In a minute.
162
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,197
Sharon?
163
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,433
No little girl gonna
Tell you nothing
164
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,968
About a possum
Under a rock.
165
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,103
To find out about
A possum under a rock,
166
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,506
You find a boy with dirt
Under his fingernails.
167
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708
You find a boy with dirt
Under his fingernails,
168
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,610
You'll find a boy that's
Been rooting around under
A rock for possum.
169
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,546
Mr. Bass, in this class,
We do things by turns.
170
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,483
Now, each child has his turn
To express himself.
171
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,150
Right now, it's sharon's turn.
172
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,619
Do you understand?
173
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,753
Yes, ma'am.
174
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,890
I speak when it's my turn
To speak.
175
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,992
Correct. Sharon?
176
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,160
And when my turn comes,
I'll set you right
177
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,463
About how to find a possum
Under a rock.
178
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,898
You can go about it two ways:
179
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,667
You light a fire, or you jab
At it with a pointy stick.
180
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,202
That's quite enough.
181
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,572
Light the fire, smoke him out.
Jab him with that stick good!
182
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,107
Mr. Bass, that was rude.
183
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,009
Well, thank you.
184
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,677
I got a rude.
185
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,548
I bet you ain't
Never got no rude.
186
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,850
Please be quiet.
187
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,752
Go ahead, sharon.
188
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,087
The subject is "Possum."
189
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,056
"Hid" is the verb.
190
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,659
"Under" the preposition.
191
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,093
A smart dog
Will root him out
192
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,929
If you ain't got fire
Or a stick.
193
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,831
Mr. Bass, that's quite enough!
194
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,100
When my turn comes.
195
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,773
I don't like her, sheriff.
196
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,807
I don't like her.
197
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,643
She ain't teaching
Me nothing.
198
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,777
Well...
199
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,779
I tried to tell her
About a possum.
200
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,947
She wouldn't listen.
201
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,181
Now there ain't nobody
202
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,617
Can say more about a possum
Than I can.
203
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,153
After all, I lived six months
With a possum
204
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,655
And a raccoon, too.
205
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,558
You lived with a possum
And a raccoon?
206
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,960
Sure. That's where I learned
To wash my food before I eat it.
207
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,227
Oh.
208
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:17,097
Well, ernest t.,
You have to understand
209
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,600
There's a lot more
To teaching
210
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,001
Than seems on the surface.
211
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,636
Miss crump's a fine teacher.
212
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,971
A very fine teacher.
213
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,640
Then why didn't she let me say
About the possum?
214
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,209
Ask about a possum, don't want
To hear about a possum.
215
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,644
Tell her how
To find one,
216
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,979
She don't want
To find one.
217
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,146
Now look, ernest t....
218
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,882
I found it, pa!
219
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,149
What is it?
220
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,919
This is opie's old
First-grade reader.
221
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,622
I thought we'd do
A little homework.
222
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,024
Maybe help you along
A little bit.
223
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,926
It's the least
I can do.
224
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,027
You sweet man.
225
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,161
You sweet man.
226
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,764
I declare,
I think I'm about to cry.
227
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,000
Ernest t.,
Don't do that.
228
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,902
Well, when you're no account
229
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,005
You appreciate it
When somebody's nice to you.
230
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,874
Now, you're not no account,
Ernest t.
231
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,610
You're not no account.
232
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,344
You're just...Ignorant.
233
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,346
You're just being nice.
234
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,016
Well, let's have a look
At the book.
235
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,018
Yeah, let it go.
Let it go.
236
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,686
Oh, I know that word.
237
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,687
Cat.
238
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,355
You sure you don't know that
239
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,991
'cause there's a picture
Of a cat there?
240
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,159
Why, no.
241
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,595
Here, now, cover it up
With your hand.
242
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,730
Cat.
243
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,665
Turn to a page
Without any pictures.
244
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,000
You have more respect
For your elders, hear, son?
245
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:30,237
Now, ernest t., opie's just
Trying to help out, too.
246
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,973
Well, I take off my humble hat
To you, boy.
247
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,710
Ope, why don't you
Just go on to bed
248
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,079
And let me and ernest t. Bass
Work together?
249
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,714
Okay. Night, pa.
Night.
250
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:41,915
Night, ernest t. Bass.
251
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,150
Night, opie taylor.
252
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,618
Dog.
253
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,087
Trespassing.
254
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,289
Very good.
255
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,759
Very good.
256
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:55,763
How many words
Do you know altogether?
257
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,297
You mean sightwise?
258
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,632
Yeah.
259
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,333
Let me see, uh...
260
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,770
Um, beware of the dog.
261
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,638
Uh...No hunting.
262
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,807
No trespassing, uh...
263
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,976
Uh...Open and close!
264
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,744
Open and close?
265
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,279
Barbershop.
266
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,280
Oh.
267
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,148
You know, you're not as ignorant
268
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,383
As you think you are.
269
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,951
Well...
270
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,353
No, no.
You're doing real good.
271
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,723
Now, let me show you here.
Now, look.
272
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,957
Here, um...Now here.
273
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,226
I'll cover up the I-n-g
In "Hunting."
274
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,095
You're going
Go cover it up?
275
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,830
Cover it up
With my hand.
276
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,099
Now what do you got?
Um...Hunting!
277
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,968
No, no.
Don't say what's under my hand.
278
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,269
Don't say that part?
279
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,205
Don't say that.
Now, what do you got?
280
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,206
Hunt.
That's it.
281
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,741
Hunt.
282
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,043
You've learned a new word
That you can read.
283
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,712
Hunt!
284
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,013
Yeah!
285
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,148
Let's put together
The words you can read,
286
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,850
And we can make a sentence.
287
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,719
Let me make a sentence.
288
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,888
No hunt beware open and close
No credit.
289
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,026
No hunt beware open and close
No credit?
290
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,828
Well...
291
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:04,732
Hunt!
292
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,167
Now, children, open your
Arithmetic books
293
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769
To today's assignment...
294
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,705
No hunt beware open
And close no credit.
295
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,774
That's a sentence
I learned last night.
296
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,375
I learned how
To write it, too.
297
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,345
That's very good. We'll discuss
That in english class.
298
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,080
We're about
To do arithmetic.
299
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,049
You always want
To do something else
300
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,117
Just when I want
To do something else.
301
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,719
Please take your
Seat now.
302
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,721
I want to write
My sentence.
303
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,023
Later!
Just take your seat now.
304
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,860
All right, class,
Your attention, please.
305
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,129
Today we're going to do nines
In multiplication.
306
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,430
Nines! Nines!
307
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,367
Why do you want to do nines
In multiplication?
308
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,169
I want to do my sentence!
309
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,336
Can't do nines.
310
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,272
That will do, mr. Bass!
311
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,942
Opie, suppose you come
To the board
312
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,243
And do our nines for us.
313
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,244
Yes, ma'am.
314
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,913
Nines, nines, nines.
315
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,448
What's so important
About nines?
316
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:59,219
Mr. Bass!
317
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,922
9 x 1
318
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,925
Is 9.
319
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:09,329
9 x 2
320
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,498
Is, uh...
321
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,967
Too doggone much!
322
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,435
My turn! My turn!
323
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:19,372
Mr. Bass, you return
To your seat right now!
324
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,809
Teaching takes too long.
Romena won't wait.
325
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,043
Give me that chalk.
326
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,244
Uh-uh.
Open that hand.
327
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,278
Mm-mm.
Open it.
328
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,014
I want to write my sentence.
329
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,515
Mr. Bass, you are a grown man
330
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,951
And you're forcing me
To take measures
331
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,286
I have never taken
With my pupils before.
332
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,194
Now, return
To your seat.
333
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,530
Yes, ma'am.
334
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,967
Can I tell you something
Before I go?
335
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,268
What is it?
336
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,938
I love you.
337
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,381
Miss crump? Miss crump?!
338
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,517
Miss crump, can you hear me?!
339
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,489
I'm gonna throw a rock
In through your window
340
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,826
With a note attached onto it.
341
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,962
[ glass shatters ]
342
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,100
The note say, "I love you"!
343
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,368
Read it!
344
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,903
[ siren wailing ]
345
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:26,406
Now, why don't you
Scribble a love note to me?!
346
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,275
Throw it on back out at me here!
347
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,143
Ernest t.?
348
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,846
I told you what I was gonna do
If you throw any more rocks.
349
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,047
Let's go.
350
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,282
All right, sheriff.
351
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,985
Miss crump,
I got go off to the lockup now
352
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,920
But I'll see you in the morning.
353
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,621
All right, sheriff, I'm coming.
354
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,190
Good night, miss crump!
355
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,425
Good night.
I love you, miss crump!
356
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,994
I love you! I love you!
357
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,329
I want you to know
How much I...
358
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,364
He just about drove me crazy
Last night,
359
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,166
Standing
Out in front of my house
360
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,301
Screaming he loves me.
361
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,635
He won't bother you anymore.
362
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,204
We got him locked up now.
363
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,238
That's right.
364
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,173
Slapped him in
The old tin box.
365
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,541
That'll cool
Him off.
366
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,343
I suppose
He's a good soul.
367
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,879
It's just
That he's a little strange.
368
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,447
Strange?
369
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,983
He's a first-rate,
Grade-a, number-one nut.
370
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,886
He should've been in the
Laughing academy years ago.
371
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,321
He's made
A lot of progress
372
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,256
Since the last time
He was in town.
373
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,025
He shaved the
Back of his neck.
374
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,426
What's so great
About that?
375
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,161
Would you excuse me
A minute?
376
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,130
I have to take this
To the principal.
377
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,331
Be right back, andy.
378
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,303
[ sighs ]
379
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,141
Look, andy,
380
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,676
A sensitive, delicate
Situation like this
381
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,412
Has got to be handled
A certain way.
382
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,949
Why don't I take him
In back of the jailhouse
383
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,951
And kick him around
A little bit?
384
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:47,054
He'd kill ya.
385
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,990
You know a strange thing
About it, barn?
386
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,191
Strange thing --
387
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,061
He waited
Till she hit him with a ruler
388
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,563
And then
He decided he loved her.
389
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,565
Yeah.
390
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,102
Yeah.
391
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,039
You know somethin'?
392
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,942
This whole thing
Is psychological.
393
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,443
Love and punishment.
394
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,612
Punishment and love.
395
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,381
Well, don't you get it?
396
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,483
That all says just one thing.
397
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,684
What?
398
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,486
It's the old
Mother figure bit --
399
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,321
He loves her like a mother.
400
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,091
Sigmund "Frood"
Wrote a lot about that.
401
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:27,094
Hey, barn,
I think you've hit on something.
402
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,229
That's exactly
What he's doing --
403
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,099
He's identifying helen
With his mother.
404
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,400
[ chuckling ] Yeah.
405
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,368
There's no question about it.
406
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,238
Old sig had this thing pegged
Years ago.
407
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,042
I'll be dogged, barn,
I believe you've got it.
408
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,077
Well, of course I got it.
409
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,678
No question about it.
410
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,614
[ both laughing ]
411
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,682
'course, getting him
To understand it,
412
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,451
Now, that's
Something else.
413
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,420
I still say
A good battin' around
414
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,288
Would be
The only real answer.
415
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,224
He'd kill ya.
416
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,572
What's the good news,
Sheriff?
417
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,707
Ernest t. Bass, what
Are you doing here?
418
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,409
How'd you get out of jail?
419
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,011
Irritatin', ain't it?
420
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,446
Yes! You got to stop that.
421
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,281
You got to quit throwing rocks
422
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,750
And quit
Running around after miss crump.
423
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,286
Don't you talk about miss crump.
424
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,021
I love her, sheriff.
425
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,390
I felt
A sharpness in my chest,
426
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,260
And I knowed
I was in love with her.
427
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,761
I couldn't resist myself.
428
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,529
Yeah.
429
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:40,533
She's a sweet, pretty girl,
And a lot of us like her.
430
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,536
Say...
431
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,376
She is your sweetheart,
Ain't she?
432
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,245
Well, yes, we do kind
Of see one another
433
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,546
On a regular basis.
434
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,082
I'm sorry, sheriff.
435
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,550
I-I wouldn't cut you out
For nothing,
436
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,785
But I-I love her.
437
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,553
I just can't help myself.
438
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,289
I-I just plumb love her.
439
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,823
Well, what about ramona?
440
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,192
I love her, too.
441
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,427
I'm split
Right down the middle
442
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,828
Twixt them two loves.
443
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,830
Muskrat's got the right idea.
444
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,701
Poke his head out of a hole,
Grab the first female come by,
445
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,704
Marry up with her,
Live happily ever after.
446
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,307
Muskrat does.
That's what he does.
447
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,408
Ernest t.?
448
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,475
Hmm?
449
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:25,178
Can I ask ya a
Personal question?
450
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,413
I'm your slave.
451
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,449
Did, uh, did your
Mother ever hit you?
452
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,583
Oh, yeah.
453
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,452
She was wonderful.
454
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,755
Don't you see
What you're doing?
455
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,758
All the feeling you
Had for your mother
456
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:42,529
Came back when miss crump
Hit you with that ruler.
457
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,730
It did?
458
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,233
Yeah. See, you're
Putting miss crump
459
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,867
In your mother's place.
460
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,137
Ramona's your true love.
461
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,240
Miss crump is just
What you'd call...
462
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,774
Your mother figure.
463
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,510
My mother figure?
464
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,112
That's right.
465
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,713
Mother figure...
466
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,216
All mine? Nobody elste's?
467
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,318
All yours, nobody elste's.
468
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,220
My mother figure.
469
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,422
Ain't that somethin'?
470
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:12,759
You cleared up
The whole thing.
471
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:16,563
Sheriff,
You're a wonderful person.
472
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,864
Thank you.
473
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,133
Would you care to be
My brother figure?
474
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,269
Well...
475
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,478
I'll help you, ma'am.
I'll help you!
476
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,646
[ horn honks ]
477
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,386
Oh, no, no, really.
Thank you, I can manage.
478
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,222
But a good son is supposed
To help his mother figure.
479
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,262
Oh, andy, please,
You've got to do something.
480
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,430
Hello, mr. Schwamp.
481
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,733
Come on in the office.
482
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,535
Excuse us, mr. Schwamp.
483
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,770
Keep your hands
Off my mother figure,
484
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,306
Brother figure!
485
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,340
Ernest!
486
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,741
Get off me, ernest.
487
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,710
She's my mother figure!
488
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,278
I got to tell you the truth.
489
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,214
I just don't know
What to do with him.
490
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,449
Can't put him in jail --
He keeps breaking out.
491
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,219
I can't make him understand
He's got to leave helen alone.
492
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,820
I don't know what to do
With him.
493
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,455
Well,
You won't listen to me.
494
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,889
You won't listen
To your old dad.
495
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,958
All I have to do is give him
A couple of karate chops,
496
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,760
Flip him into a corner,
And he'd get up
497
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,862
And head back for the mountains
Never to be seen again.
498
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,265
He'd kill ya.
499
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,366
Well...
500
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,468
The easiest way's
To satisfy him.
501
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,604
He wants an education,
We'll give him an education.
502
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,641
We'll fix him up
With a diploma and everything.
503
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,211
I still say
Five minutes behind the barn.
504
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,614
He'd kill you.
505
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,616
All right, now,
Ernest t.,
506
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,353
There's four subjects
We're gonna cover.
507
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,754
Four subjects.
508
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,357
You listen careful,
And I'll teach you the answers.
509
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,558
Put that down.
510
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,293
We're gonna start
With geography.
511
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,361
Geography.
512
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,895
That's right.
Now, here...
513
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,830
Here is a map
Of the united states.
514
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,899
United states.
That's right.
515
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,836
Now, the united states
Is bounded on the north
516
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,937
By canada,
517
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,006
On the south, by mexico,
518
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,377
On the east,
By the atlantic ocean,
519
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,612
And on the west, by, uh...
520
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:16,349
Would, uh,
Would you happen to know that?
521
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,786
West, west...
522
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,821
Old man kelsey's woods.
523
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,290
No, no, no.
524
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,926
All the way to the edge,
A big body of water.
525
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,995
Old man kelsey's crick.
526
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,029
An ocean.
527
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,265
Old man kelsey's ocean.
528
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,633
Pacific ocean.
529
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,734
Pacific ocean.
530
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:35,868
Very good.
531
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,704
I sure know my
Boundaries good.
532
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,938
Ya sure do.
533
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,274
Just as long as they
Don't change 'em
534
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,542
'fore I take my test.
535
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,513
R-ready for the test.
536
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,315
Ask me some questions.
What you want to know?
537
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,917
Geography, 'rithmetic,
Boundaries?
538
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,253
Just set down right over there,
Ernest t.
539
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,790
Andy this whole
Thing's a joke --
540
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:58,991
This isn't a test at all.
541
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,493
Just ask him some questions.
542
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,861
We'll give him the diploma.
543
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,396
But, andy...
544
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,565
Either that or have him around
A few more years.
545
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,300
Geography boundaries:
546
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,670
Mexico, canada,
Atlantic ocean, pacific ocean,
547
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:14,341
Kelsey's woods, kelsey's crick,
Kelsey's ocean.
548
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,008
He-he passed geography.
549
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,076
Arithmetic.
550
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,646
'rithmetic: two and two.
551
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,014
Four.
552
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:25,552
Wait a minute,
Let me do you a real hard one.
553
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:26,853
Uh, lemme see, uh...
554
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,356
25 and 25.
555
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:30,857
Uh...
556
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,058
50.
557
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,729
Very good, ernest t.
558
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,465
Very good, very good.
559
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:41,701
Now, come over here
And get your diploma.
560
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:45,004
Can't I go slick down first
So I look good?
561
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:46,739
Okay, go slick down.
562
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,541
Andy, this is a farce.
563
00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:50,643
His diploma just says
That he knows the boundaries
564
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,111
Of the united states,
565
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,347
Some arithmetic, and he can read
And write a little.
566
00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:55,448
Now, present it to him.
567
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:56,716
Oh, this is ridiculous.
568
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,785
Hush. Come on, ernest t.,
Get your diploma.
569
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,925
This is to certify
570
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,629
That ernest t. Bass
Has achieved a special award
571
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,963
For learning...
572
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,131
For learning.
573
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,433
Here.
574
00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:21,708
Well, you got
What you wanted, ernest t.
575
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,342
You got your diploma.
576
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,814
You know what I'm gonna do?
577
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,949
I'm gonna take it
Over to romena
578
00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,451
And show it to her.
579
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,119
It's what she wanted.
580
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,688
And then I'm gonna court her.
581
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,061
I'm proud.
582
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:47,434
I am so proud.
583
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,675
Thank you, sheriff.
584
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,710
Deputy.
585
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,081
Most of all, I...
586
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,751
I want
To thank my mother figure.
587
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:25,004
[ sniffles ]
588
00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:34,614
[ blows nose ]
589
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,890
What's the matter?
590
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,693
Hmm? Ohh...
591
00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:48,695
[ sighs ]
592
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,899
Well, it's getting along
About that time again.
593
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,734
Lunch?
Yeah.
594
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,936
[ sighs ]
595
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:58,671
Diner again?
596
00:23:58,705 --> 00:23:59,839
Want to go to the drugstore,
597
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,240
Have a tuna sandwich
And milkshake?
598
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,543
I don't like to eat
At the drugstore.
599
00:24:03,576 --> 00:24:05,478
Everything tastes
Like medicine.
600
00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:06,546
Diner, then?
601
00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,515
Okay.
602
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,750
Let me just finish this.
603
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:15,087
Wonder how old ernest t. Bass
Made out over at ramona's.
604
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,690
Oh, yeah.
Now that he's educated, huh?
605
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:18,925
Yeah.
606
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,693
Guess everything
Turned out all right,
607
00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:22,629
Or we'd have
Heard from him.
608
00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:23,863
Yeah, I guess.
609
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:24,864
Yeah.
610
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,667
Yeah,
I guess it worked out.
611
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:28,835
Yep.
612
00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:30,970
[ glass breaking ]
613
00:24:34,006 --> 00:24:35,675
Five minutes
Behind the barn?
614
00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:36,643
He'd kill ya.
615
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,483
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
41760
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