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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,373
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,680
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:15,316
With ronny howard...
4
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:18,519
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,457
[ typewriter keys clacking ]
6
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,296
Oh, mornin', barn.
7
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,364
Mornin', andy.
8
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,532
[ sighs ]
9
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,534
Well, I see you forgot.
10
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,438
Forgot what?
11
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,739
What day this is.
12
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:41,709
May 16th five years ago--
What happened?
13
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,611
Somethin' happened to you?
14
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:44,645
Yeah.
15
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,514
Well, think.
16
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:50,284
Uh...You met thelma lou?
17
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:53,654
No. That was in 1960
At wilton blair's funeral.
18
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,456
Oh, yeah, yeah.
19
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,457
Try again.
20
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,658
Oh, you moved
21
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,594
Into miss mendelbright's
Boardin' house?
22
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,595
No.
23
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,231
As far as I can figure,
24
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,665
They're the high spots.
25
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,167
I want you to try and guess.
26
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,468
I can't guess.
27
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,769
Come on, guess!
28
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:09,770
Barney...
29
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:10,804
Will you guess?
30
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:11,839
Well...
31
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,641
I joined
The sheriff's office.
32
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,177
Man, you'd think that'd be
The kind of a day
33
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,246
You'd remember
Right off the bat.
34
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,313
Well, I had it.
35
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,215
I was about to
Come out with it.
36
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,250
Well, it's okay.
37
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,551
Just happened to be
38
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:27,121
A pretty important day
In my life.
39
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,456
Oh, well, yeah.
40
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:31,792
It's just
That I've been so darn busy.
41
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,661
It's all right.
You don't have to apologize.
42
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,796
Well...I'm sorry.
43
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,265
It's okay, believe me.
44
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,400
These things happen,
I know that.
45
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,768
I understand.
So let's just drop it.
46
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,470
Okay.
47
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:47,275
I just happen to be
The only deputy you've got.
48
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:50,178
I don't think that's
A gigantic thing to remember.
49
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,212
Barn, I...
50
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,846
You want to forget it?
51
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,148
Well, I...
52
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,850
Let's consider the subject
Closed.
53
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,486
Okay.
54
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,925
I don't know
If you know this, andy, but...
55
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,328
Joinin' the sheriff's office
56
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,164
Was a pretty big
Decision for me.
57
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,200
Well, yeah, it would be.
58
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:15,303
You know, I think I was
Always meant to be a lawman.
59
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,205
Hmm.
60
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,441
And let me say this, andy,
61
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:25,879
A big part of it
Has been workin' with you.
62
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,648
Good.
63
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,553
Well, don't get
Overemotional about it.
64
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,324
Boy, you're really
A sentimental one, aren't ya?
65
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,691
Well, now, barn...
66
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,394
Forget it, forget it,
Forget it.
67
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:43,197
Any calls?
68
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,598
Yeah, one.
69
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:47,868
There's a bent lamppost
Over on the corner of maple.
70
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,238
Well, I'll get
Right on it.
71
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:55,543
[ muttering ]
Spend five years in the place,
It's like nobody even noticed.
72
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,554
Sarah? Get me aunt bee.
73
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,260
Aunt bee?
Listen, barney's pretty upset.
74
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:16,664
Yeah, I think we better
Have the party a little earlier.
75
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,666
About, yeah, about 4:00.
76
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:22,303
Yeah. Well, I have to run over
To mt. Pilot
77
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,472
To the civil service office
78
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:27,441
But I'm sure
I'll be back by then.
79
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,243
Yeah. Okay. Bye.
80
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,414
Well, what made 'em decide
To put sheriff's deputies
81
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,283
Under civil service
All of a sudden?
82
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,918
There's been too much
Handing out of deputy badges.
83
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,788
A lot of fellas have taken
Advantage of the privilege.
84
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,691
So the state felt it could
Control the situation better
85
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,559
If it was put
Under civil service.
86
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:46,794
Oh, I see.
87
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,730
What about these new
Physical requirements?
88
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,699
Five-foot-eight, 145 pounds--
89
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,568
That's just for new personnel,
Isn't it?
90
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,304
Oh, no. All deputies.
91
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,672
What about a man
That's been in for five years?
92
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,708
He'll still have to meet
The requirements.
93
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,911
Well, what if he's proved
He can do his job real well?
94
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,715
Sorry.
There are no exceptions.
95
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,285
We'll run this
Check in a week.
96
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,986
I'll, uh, call you.
97
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,021
Hmm.
98
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,927
Barney will love it,
Won't he, opie?
99
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,463
Never know how I did it.
I just did it.
100
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,665
I'll go watch
For barney.
Okay.
101
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,700
I think we'd better
Get everything in the back
102
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,001
Before he gets here.
103
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,503
Yes, we want it to be
A real surprise.
104
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,372
Keep your eyes peeled, opie!
Opie: I will.
105
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,474
Oh, he's a smart boy.
Just as sharp as they come.
106
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:34,942
Didn't you say andy'd
Be back by now?
107
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,377
I know, but that meeting
In mt. Pilot
108
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,611
Must have held him up.
109
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,979
Oh, I hope he isn't
Going to be late.
110
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,815
Oh, it's a nice thing
You're doing for barney.
111
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,617
I wonder
Where he's been.
112
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,519
Didn't you say
He was out on patrol?
113
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,887
Well, I mean last monday.
114
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,856
Usually gets a haircut
Every third monday.
115
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,592
Yeah, I always enjoy
Cutting barney's hair.
116
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,895
His ears kind of wing out,
And it gives you room to work.
117
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,864
He's coming around the corner!
118
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,599
Barney's coming, everybody!
He's coming.
119
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,768
Oh, and andy isn't here.
We'll have to start without him.
120
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,470
Come on, let's get
In the back room.
121
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,772
Good tipper, too.
Nothing tight about him.
122
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,839
Come on.
123
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,927
Together:
Surprise!
124
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,897
Congratulations
On your fifth anniversary.
125
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,632
Congratulations, barney.
126
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,502
Oh, it's the best
Of everything, barney.
127
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,736
It's a great day.
128
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,639
Oh, I didn't think
Anybody remembered.
129
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,640
Gosh.
130
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,841
Where were you monday?
131
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:41,842
What?
132
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,611
Opie, don't
You have
133
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,713
Something to
Say to barney?
134
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:46,780
This is from everybody.
135
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,416
It's a waterproof wristwatch.
136
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:51,118
Oh, golly.
You didn't have to do this.
137
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,654
Andy was supposed
To be here
138
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,490
But he got held up
At the meeting at mt. Pilot.
139
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,465
Stainless steel, wow.
140
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,700
Yeah, and it's got
Writin' on the back.
141
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,543
Oh...
142
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:18,078
That's nice. It's...
143
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,813
It's nice.
144
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,815
Read it, barney, read it.
What's it say?
145
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,586
"Five."
146
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,054
We thought
We'd put five on it
147
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,089
Because you've been in
For five years.
148
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,424
[ chuckles ]
149
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,560
Do you like
It, barney?
150
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,894
Do I like it?
151
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,196
You'd just
Have to be crazy
152
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,966
Not to like a watch
Like this.
153
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,502
Thanks.
Thanks, all of ya.
154
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,438
Well, I...
I don't know what to say.
155
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,506
Oh.
156
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,544
Aunt bee:
Ready?
157
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,480
Thelma lou:
Make a wish.
158
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,847
Opie:
Come on.
159
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,215
Here we go--
160
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,050
[ all exclaim ]
161
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,819
Opie:
You got your wish.
162
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,589
Bee:
Now, barney gets
The first piece.
163
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,990
[ barney chuckling ]
164
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:09,830
There we go.
165
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,566
Better start
With small pieces.
166
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,969
Oh, andy,
We had to start
167
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:16,870
Without you.
168
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,038
I'm sorry.
169
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,574
There was a lot of
Traffic on the road.
170
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,009
Congratulations, barn.
171
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,477
Oh, thanks.
172
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,746
You really played it cool
This morning,
173
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,947
You son of a gun.
174
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,816
I wanted to surprise you.
175
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,518
Never be bald,
That barney.
176
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,752
He's got a loose scalp.
177
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,587
There's a lot of play
In it.
178
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,855
And?
179
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,224
Thanks for your part
Of the watch.
180
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,759
Oh, that's okay.
181
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,160
[ both chuckle ]
182
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,763
Did you read the writing
On the back, andy?
183
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,164
Show it to him.
184
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,899
See there?
185
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,167
"Five."
186
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,235
Five.
187
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,603
Five.
188
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,539
Here's your cake.
189
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,106
You gonna eat
All that cake?
190
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,675
A lot of calories in there.
191
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,676
That's all right.
192
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,010
What do you weigh anyway?
193
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,546
With or without my gun?
194
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,781
[ all chuckle ]
195
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,849
Without.
196
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,051
Oh, it varies-- 138, 138 1/2.
197
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,786
I'm up and down.
198
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,921
Right in that
Range, huh?
199
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,824
Yeah, I like
To keep it tight.
200
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,292
Andy,
How about a piece of cake?
201
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,127
Oh, no thanks, aunt bee.
202
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,630
I had a big lunch
In mt. Pilot.
203
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,031
How'd things go?
204
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,567
Oh, fine, fine.
205
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,835
I will have a bottle
Of pop, though.
206
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:22,970
Oh, boy.
207
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,205
Best of luck
In the future.
208
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,307
I'll see you later,
Barn.
209
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,076
Okay, ope.
Bye-bye.
210
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,811
Happy anniversary.
211
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,112
See you tonight.
212
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,113
Right.
213
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,582
[ chuckling ]
214
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,888
Yeah.
215
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:41,889
Mmm.
216
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:42,890
Yeah.
217
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:43,891
Five.
218
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:44,892
Five.
219
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,660
Yeah.
Yeah.
220
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,928
Yeah.
221
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,963
Yeah, boy.
222
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,802
[ both chuckling ]
223
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:58,305
[ sighs loudly ]
224
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:04,845
Well, I don't mind tellin' ya
That was quite a thrill.
225
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,246
[ chuckles ]
226
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:09,850
Kind of makes a fella
Feel like he's really wanted.
227
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,786
I'm sorry
You missed the surprise.
228
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,622
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
229
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,657
Must've been
A pretty important meeting.
230
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,793
Mmm...Yeah.
231
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,328
Any problems?
232
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,197
[ sighs ]
233
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,938
Barn, I hate to give you news
Like this
234
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,740
Today of all days, but...
235
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,776
You're going to find out
About it sooner or later.
236
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:43,684
Find out about what?
237
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,237
Five years.
238
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,876
Five years...For what?
239
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,778
To get tossed out?
240
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,145
We still got a week to go.
241
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,314
Maybe
We can come up with somethin'.
242
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,649
Five-foot-eight--
243
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,284
What do they want,
A basketball team?
244
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,852
It's the record that counts.
245
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,888
You don't get
A waterproof wristwatch
246
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,289
If you're not doin' your job.
247
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,257
Maybe we can
Think of somethin'.
248
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,659
Aw, forget it!
249
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,695
There's plenty of things
This kid can do.
250
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,396
As matter of fact,
You know what?
251
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,398
They just might
Be doin' me a favor
252
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:34,034
Because I've been
Kind of gettin' the feeling
253
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,235
That-that maybe I been
254
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,805
Sort of a...
A runt around here anyways.
255
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,980
Well, it isn't as
If he wasn't close.
256
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,282
What is it--
Less than an inch?
257
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,951
Five or six pounds?
258
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,185
I know.
259
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,055
I could put that weight
On him in a week.
260
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,990
I know you could, aunt bee,
261
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,993
But there's no way
To make him any taller.
262
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,028
Taller...
263
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,696
Oh, this is a shame.
264
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,097
Yeah, it sure is.
265
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,737
[ playing melody ]
266
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,112
Aunt bee?
267
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,480
You 'member, uh...
268
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,816
Remember when old asa bascomb
269
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:26,453
Had that, uh, pinched nerve
Somewhere in his back?
270
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,889
Yes, I remember.
Last year.
271
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,023
Yeah.
272
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,125
And doc harvey
Gave him this harness
273
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,328
That he had to wear around
His head to kind of stretch it.
274
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,130
I believe it had weights on it.
275
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,231
Mm-hmm, I remember.
276
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,233
I 'member asa
Tellin' me one time
277
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,936
That when he got through
With those treatments
278
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,405
He was actually over
A half inch taller.
279
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,740
Andy...
280
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,076
With you fattenin'
Him up a little...
281
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,411
I can do it,
I know I can do it.
282
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,381
Aunt bee, you know,
With me stretchin' him
283
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,149
And you fattenin' him up,
284
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:59,853
Barney's liable to turn out
To be a much bigger fella
285
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,354
Than he thinks he is.
286
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,060
Andy, you out
Of your mind?
287
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,796
Stretch me?
The answer's no!
288
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,063
A big definite no!
289
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,464
But it's worth a try.
290
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,333
Well, not with me,
It isn't.
291
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,435
You're dealing with
A delicate mechanism.
292
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,838
It's crazy! The whole
Thing's just crazy!
293
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,073
It might work.
And the few extra pounds--
294
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,242
Aunt bee's cooking'll
Take care of that.
295
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,044
I admit that
Part's possible
296
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,113
But you start stretching
The human body
297
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,115
And something inside's
Got to give
298
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,117
And it might be
Something important.
299
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:33,020
You just don't start
Pushing them things
Around inside there.
300
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,322
The doctor wouldn't
Have had asa use the thing
301
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,957
If there was any danger.
302
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,492
Now, it's worth a try.
The least you can do is try.
303
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,897
I don't know, andy,
I just don't know.
304
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,833
Aunt bee:
Come on, boys!
305
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,100
Supper's ready.
306
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,501
Well, what do you say?
307
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,270
All right, all right.
308
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,105
Come on.
309
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,841
There we are.
310
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,175
Mm...Mm.
311
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,110
There we are.
312
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,580
We will serve
Our guest first.
313
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,415
Yeah. Mm...Mm.
314
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,317
A little corn...
315
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,953
[ whistles ]
316
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,487
Gonna be good.
317
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,957
Do the job, I expect.
318
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,025
Yeah...
319
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:13,593
Roll.
320
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,864
And...
321
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:20,167
A little butter.
322
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,510
You've done fine, barn.
323
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,545
Some more
Potatoes, barney?
324
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,214
Just a little bit more?
325
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,249
Then I'll get
The dessert--
326
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,485
Banana cream chocolate pie.
327
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,320
[ grunts ]
328
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,388
No dessert?
329
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,856
Oh, it'd be so helpful.
330
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,258
It's nothing
But sugar and starch.
331
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,559
He's done fine, aunt bee.
332
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,896
I expect you picked up
A pound easy.
333
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,268
[ weakly ]
I'm gonna go on home.
334
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,305
Okay, I'll see you
First thing in the morning.
335
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,007
Asa's coming over
With that contraption.
336
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,408
We'll start the stretching.
337
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,644
I don't know about that
Stretching business, andy.
338
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,081
I might wind up with a high
Stomach or something.
339
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,025
Well, that's just about
The silliest-looking thing
340
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,459
I believe I ever saw.
341
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,028
Well, you see, barney,
342
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,063
It's based on a
Sound principle.
343
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:26,099
When you're walking
On your feet
All these years,
344
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,135
Your body kind
Of settles on you
345
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,003
Like, uh, well,
Like a cake.
346
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,671
I haven't felt
Any settling.
347
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,907
That's right, you
Don't feel it.
348
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,642
It just happens.
To everybody.
349
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,244
Now, what this thing does --
350
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,980
This weight pulls you
Back to where you was.
351
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,648
Now, let's, uh, try it.
352
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,916
Turn around.
353
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,551
Oh, you put it
In the back, huh?
354
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,685
That's right.
355
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,255
This thing goes
Under the chin here.
356
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,589
Oh, and this hooks.
357
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,558
Now release the weight.
358
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:52,559
Okay.
359
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,495
Ready?
Here we go.
360
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,699
You've got to keep
A stiff chin.
361
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,035
One thing he's got
To get used to--
362
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,437
Sometimes the pressure
Blocks up his ears.
363
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,572
What?
364
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,074
You see?
365
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,409
Barn?
You all right?
366
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,345
Can you take
Some more weight?
367
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,346
Hmm.
368
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,415
Well, that's
About it, then.
369
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:19,086
Just a matter of doing it
Three or four hours every day.
370
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,220
Barn, listen...
371
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,255
I got to go down
To the office.
372
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,257
I'll be back
As quick as I can.
373
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,359
Aunt bee'll look
In on you, okay?
374
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,561
And don't fight it.
Don't fight it.
375
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,998
Hey, barn?
376
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,400
If you go anywhere,
Don't go far.
377
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,010
I'm not lying.
He's hanging himself.
378
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,377
I still don't
Believe it.
379
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,246
Why would he do it
In front of you?
380
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,115
Yeah, a thing
Like that's private.
381
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,649
He doesn't know
That I saw him.
382
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,351
I came back
For my milk money
383
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:55,222
And I saw him
Through the window.
384
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,125
Well, do you want
To see him or not?
385
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,426
Here's my nickel.
386
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,693
And here's mine.
387
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,130
Now, don't make any noise.
388
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,275
I thought you were supposed
389
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,277
To stand on a bucket
Or something
390
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,279
And kick it out
From under you.
391
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,780
He's not
Hanging himself.
392
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,415
He is, too.
He is not.
393
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,251
He is, too.
394
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,785
Why don't you go in there and
Ask him if he's hanging himself?
395
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,387
I'm not gonna
Ask him.
396
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,389
He's hanging himself
In you house.
397
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,691
Get out of here!
What's the matter with you?
398
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,994
Didn't you ever see a person
With his head in a harness?!
399
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,037
Barney?
400
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,038
Barney: thel?
401
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,074
Yes.
In here.
402
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,380
A little privacy
With the door closed.
403
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,816
Oh. Barney, I brought you
Something I think you can handle
404
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,386
Even while you're wearing
That thing.
405
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,687
Here.
406
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,722
Hey, with a straw.
I never thought of that.
407
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,257
What is it?
408
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,593
Double-rich vanilla malted
With two raw eggs.
409
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,462
Mmm.
410
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,531
Boy, that's thick.
411
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,500
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's all right.
412
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,568
It's good practice
For puckerin', if you
Know what I mean.
413
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:16,803
[ chuckles ]
414
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,773
Oh, barney, I just know
You're gonna make it.
415
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,443
You know, thel, I'm beginning
To think so myself.
416
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,545
Well, I got to run.
I'll see you later.
417
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,546
Okay.
Bye-bye. Bye.
418
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,448
Bye.
419
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,717
Aaaah!
420
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,720
Three...
421
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,724
Four...Five...
422
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,426
Five-foot-eight.
423
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,428
I wouldn't have
Believed it.
424
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,430
I just wouldn't have
Believed it.
425
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:44,731
Five-foot-eight.
426
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,733
You shot right up,
Didn't you?
Yeah.
427
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,168
Whoo!
428
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,736
And you still
Got two days
429
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,704
To put on that extra
Pound and a half.
430
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,506
Looks like
You're home free.
431
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,741
It sure does.
432
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,443
Well, let's go
Put the weight on.
433
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,444
Right. No problem.
434
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,778
Well, let's face it.
435
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,547
They're just being
Shortsighted.
436
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,282
They hand down
These directives
437
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,617
Without giving any thought
To the final outcome.
438
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:08,155
They could easily wind up
With a lot of six-footers
439
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:11,191
With no other law enforcement
Qualifications.
440
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,593
No ability to cope
With the public,
441
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,328
With crime, with riots...
442
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,329
Right, and?
443
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,597
Right, barn.
444
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,666
Instead of...
[ hiccups ]
445
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,170
I'm sorry, aunt bee.
446
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,537
Instead of
Carefully
447
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,573
Examining
Their present personnel
448
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,741
And realizing what they
Already have, right, and?
449
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,210
Right, barn.
450
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,778
Now, I feel...
[ hiccups ]
451
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,586
The point I'm trying to make
Is that I feel...
452
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,188
[ hiccups ]
453
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,656
Maybe it's from eating so much
This past week.
454
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,392
[ hiccups ]
455
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,296
Hmm.
456
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:53,266
Hold your breath
And take five
Sips of water.
457
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,744
[ laughing ]
458
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,313
It worked.
459
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,315
Nothing like them
Old home remedies.
460
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,416
[ hiccups ]
461
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,820
I guess it's just one of
Those things that's gonna
Have to run its course.
462
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,323
You better eat your food
Before it gets cold.
463
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:19,259
I can't eat my food
If I have the hiccups, aunt bee.
464
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,894
Well, maybe you could eat
A little in between 'em.
465
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,896
Well, I'll keep your food warm.
466
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,665
It can't last much longer.
467
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,735
[ hiccups ]
468
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,470
[ sighs ]
469
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,839
[ barney hiccups ]
470
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,242
[ telephone rings ]
471
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,811
Sheriff's office.
472
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,813
Oh, hello, floyd.
473
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,216
Yep. Still got 'em.
474
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,286
Mm-mm. We tried that, floyd.
475
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,555
Yeah, we tried that, too.
476
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,822
Hmm.
477
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,924
Hey, barn, did
You ever try
478
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,561
Inhaling in front
Of a electric fan?
479
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,463
No, and I'm not going to.
480
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,266
That's just another version
Of the same thing.
481
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:00,700
Never mind, floyd.
482
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,936
Thanks anyway.
483
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,272
It's too late anyways.
484
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,706
We go into mt. Pilot tomorrow.
485
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,875
You might as well
Just look for another...
486
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,843
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
487
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,546
We still got 24 hours
To come up with something.
488
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,615
So you're down
Two and a half pounds?
489
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,617
Well, you can't eat...
490
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,319
[ sighs ]
491
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,487
[ hiccups ]
492
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,957
I'll see you tomorrow.
493
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:27,960
[ hiccups ]
494
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:31,698
[ hiccups ]
495
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,285
Morning, barn.
496
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,321
How's your hiccups?
497
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,289
Well, they're gone.
498
00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,591
They stopped last night.
499
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,027
Good.
500
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,895
I see you're
All dressed up.
501
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,931
Well, I thought
I'd wear this.
502
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,566
Hmm.
503
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,035
I paid for the uniform myself,
So I'm gonna keep that.
504
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,309
Well, I wish I could
Think of something.
505
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,411
Well, what's there
To think of?
506
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,647
Let's face it,
We tried everything
507
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,282
And nothing worked,
So this is it.
508
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,920
The part I was
Worried about--
509
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,922
The height part--
We whipped that.
510
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,425
Hiccups are gone.
You could eat again.
511
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:36,529
Well, it's too late now,
So I might as well forget it.
512
00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:38,398
Here's a whistle you...
513
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,400
You might need some time.
514
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:43,603
You'll get a lot of distance
Out of that.
515
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,072
The pea is right solid in there.
516
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:50,042
And a...Good heavy chain.
517
00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:55,882
Well...
518
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:01,588
Wait a minute.
519
00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:04,491
I was just reading what
You're supposed to wear
520
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:05,725
At these weigh-ins.
521
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:06,926
Well, I read that.
522
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:09,128
It's the standard outfit
And those shoes.
523
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,129
Yeah.
524
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,998
Identification tag and chain.
525
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:14,567
What are you talking
About, an ounce?
526
00:22:14,601 --> 00:22:15,968
I'm two pounds off.
527
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,437
Wait right here.
528
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:18,738
Wait right here.
529
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:23,910
You're okay, hanson.
530
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,549
Mr. Bronson,
This is barney fife.
531
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,718
Well, how are you,
Deputy fife?
532
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:32,885
Fine.
533
00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:35,354
Would you please
Step up on the scale?
534
00:22:37,156 --> 00:22:40,760
Well, this looks like
It's going to be, uh, close.
535
00:22:54,507 --> 00:22:55,475
[ laughing ]
536
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:56,676
Congratulations.
537
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,745
Thanks.
You know, I'm still shaking.
538
00:22:58,778 --> 00:23:00,146
Well, it's over.
539
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,782
I got to hand it to you.
This was a stroke of genius.
540
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:04,751
It was just a pure
Stroke of genius.
541
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:06,553
Just going by
Their own rules.
542
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:08,555
Like it said right
In the directive--
543
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:11,491
You're allowed to wear your
Identification tag and chain.
544
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,059
Ain't it amazing
What it takes
545
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,462
To hold up
One of them little tags?
546
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:21,768
Andy: hey, barn?
547
00:23:21,801 --> 00:23:24,471
You can snap her
Back on.
548
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:25,905
[ both chuckle ]
549
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:27,740
You know, I really felt
Undressed without it.
550
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,141
Yeah.
551
00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:31,010
I called aunt bee
To give her the good news.
552
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,144
Oh, you know,
I really appreciated
553
00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:33,946
All the trouble
She went to.
554
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:36,816
Yeah. She wants me to bring you
Home to supper tonight.
555
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:37,817
Kind of celebrate.
556
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:39,586
Oh, that'll be nice.
557
00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:42,054
You know, it'll be a pleasure to
Eat food when I don't have to.
558
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:43,523
[ both laugh ]
559
00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,091
I'll tell her
You're coming.
560
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,894
Good. I don't mind telling you,
I'm really looking forward --
561
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,562
[ hiccups ]
562
00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:54,467
Thank her anyways.
563
00:23:57,136 --> 00:24:00,139
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
37760
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