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1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,540
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,346
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,216
With ronny howard...
4
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,252
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,258
Will you sit down.
6
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,260
You're gonna wear
A groove in the floor.
7
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,229
Well, where's aunt bee
With lunch?
8
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,231
She's usually here
And gone by now.
9
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,432
She's a little late.
10
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,700
Well, I'm
Hungry, ang.
11
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,535
She'll be along
In a few minutes. Relax.
12
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,505
Well, I happen to have
This low sugar blood content
13
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,573
And if I don't get
My lunch by noon
14
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:42,576
Then I get a headache and
I'm no good to anybody.
15
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:46,280
Few minutes one way or the other
Shouldn't make any difference.
16
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,782
Well, it does to me.
I got a clock in my stomach.
17
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,318
You must have.
18
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,586
I go by that
Clock, too.
19
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,588
Tick, tick.
I know it's time for lunch.
20
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,457
Tick, tick. I know
It's time for dinner.
21
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:59,527
My mother
Was the same way.
22
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,396
I remember that
About your mother.
23
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,133
She had a clock
In her stomach.
24
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,702
Hey, barn.
25
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,872
These clocks you and your mother
Had in your stomachs --
26
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,742
Did the ticking keep
Your father awake at night?
27
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,179
You want to
Get facetious?
28
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:21,182
You want to get facetious
About the whole thing?
29
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,550
Is that what you want to do,
Get facetious?
30
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,718
No --
Well,
Just don't get facetious.
31
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,854
Well, I --
That happens to be
A very common thing --
32
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,256
Clock in the stomach.
33
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,757
I know, I know, I know.
34
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,760
Aunt bee once had an elephant
She kept on the mantelpiece,
35
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,328
And it had a clock
In its stomach.
36
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,465
Now, don't get mad.
I was just kidding.
37
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:40,334
I don't mind you kidding me
About my stomach,
38
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:42,570
But don't kid about
My mother's stomach!
39
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,771
Well,
I wouldn't think of it.
40
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,639
Well, just don't.
That's all.
41
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,809
Got to draw the line someplace,
For pete's sake.
42
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,811
Hello, boys.
Andy:
Oh, hi, aunt bee.
43
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,680
I'm late.
I'm sorry.
44
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,848
But I had to get
My wash hung out.
45
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,250
I hope you're not starved.
46
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,785
Oh, no, that's all right.
47
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,787
It's a good thing you got here
When you did, though.
48
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,489
Barney's clock was
About to go off.
49
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,824
I didn't say anything
About your mother.
50
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,726
What?
Nothing, nothing.
51
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,528
Oh, this is some kind of
A lunch. What is it?
52
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,697
Tuna fish sandwiches with little
Sweet gherkins cut into 'em?
53
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,833
Mm-hmm.
Mm-mmm. Good.
54
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,536
Chocolate brownies
With walnuts in 'em.
55
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,238
Boy, you go to way yonder
Too much trouble
56
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,572
For us, aunt bee,
You know that?
57
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,274
We got to give
You a title or something.
58
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:23,211
Miss luncheon tray
Or something like that?
59
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,746
Oh, stop it. I have no time
To listen to such blarney.
60
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,348
I've got a cake in the oven
61
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,683
And I've got ironing to do
And supper to get, and...
62
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,552
Ooh, ooh,
I better take the tray.
63
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,954
No, I won't.
I'll get it later.
64
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,325
I hope you'll have enough,
If you don't...
65
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,827
You'll have enough.
Andy: bye.
66
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:44,198
I don't know
How she does
All she does.
67
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:48,602
Cooks, cleans, sews, shops,
Takes care of opie.
68
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,604
I wonder if she knows
How much we really appreciate
69
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,806
Everything
She does for us.
70
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,357
Well, will you
Quit eating and
Say something!
71
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:12,226
She does!
I hope so.
72
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,562
Anybody that does
As much as she does...
73
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:18,399
[ horns honking ]
74
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:21,469
[ tires screech ]
75
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:24,272
What in the
World's that?
76
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:28,008
[ tires screeching ]
77
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,810
I'm terribly sorry about that.
78
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,379
I had a little altercation
With the man in the black car.
79
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,548
What in the world's
Going on?
80
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,285
Don't look like
Anybody got hurt.
81
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,487
Barn, you know
Who that is?
82
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,555
That's malcolm merriweather.
83
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,724
Who?
Malcolm merriweather.
84
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,394
English fellow come
Through here about a year ago.
85
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,396
Remember?
It won't happen again.
I promise you.
86
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,930
Bye-bye for now.
87
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,470
Well, hello, judge.
Hey.
88
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,972
Hi, there, malcolm.
How are you?
89
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,874
I say you, uh,
90
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,411
You notice I don't drive
On the left anymore.
91
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,746
Yeah, we --
We notice that.
92
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,449
Of course I, uh, don't drive
On the right quite yet,
93
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,584
But I'm halfway there.
94
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:14,288
So, I travel around
95
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,790
And pick up odd jobs
As butler or manservant
96
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,792
To help defray
Expenses, you see.
97
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,329
And in between I can take
These little sight-seeing trips.
98
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:24,832
My, it's quite a country,
America. Quite a country.
99
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,535
Yeah, yeah,
It is a pretty nice country.
100
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:28,902
We like it ourselves.
101
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,605
Of course, I like
The historical places best.
102
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,542
From here I was hoping
To go to gettysburg.
103
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,410
Oh, well, if you like
Historical places
104
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,078
You ought to get
Over to bunker hill.
105
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,780
That's where we
Gave you fellows
106
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,650
A shellacking
Back there in '76.
107
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:45,353
Actually, of course,
The british won that battle.
108
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,854
Hmm?
109
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,022
Oh, yes, there were
Quite a few british victories.
110
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:52,893
There was, uh, bunker hill,
Lexington, concord.
111
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:57,398
Yeah, well, we
Won, didn't we?
112
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,999
Hey, malcolm...
113
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:05,072
Uh, you say you, uh, you, uh,
Pick up odd jobs along the way
114
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,342
To help pay
For the trip?
115
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,543
Oh, I have to.
116
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,412
It's shocking
The way money goes.
117
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,647
I had dinner
In a restaurant last night
118
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,983
And you'll never guess
What the bill was.
119
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,951
17 and sixpence
Three farthings.
120
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,688
Why that's almost a quid,
Give or take a bob or two.
121
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,390
And by the time
You've left a tip
122
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,691
You're into a guinea.
123
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,859
Oh, well, you got to spend
A quid and some bobs
124
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,395
For anything decent.
125
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,062
Shocking it is.
Just shocking.
126
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,564
Well, listen,
I was just thinking --
127
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,433
Since traveling around
Is so expensive
128
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,935
And you have to pick up these
Odd jobs to pay for your trip,
129
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,971
How'd you like to come over and
Work at my house for a while?
130
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,841
Aunt bee's got
Way yonder too
Much to do.
131
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,109
You'd be a big help.
132
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,912
Are you, uh, are you
Offering me a position?
133
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,381
I am, and it's more
Than a position.
134
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,583
You'd be staying
With friends.
135
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:53,153
What do you say?
Aren't you kind.
136
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,456
Aren't you kind.
137
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,957
Aunt bee? Aunt bee?
138
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,492
Andy, did you
Wipe your feet?
139
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,827
I just got finished
Doing these floors
140
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,495
And I don't want them
All trashed.
141
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,996
Yes, ma'am, I wiped them twice.
Listen, aunt bee --
142
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,533
What are you doing home
So early anyways?
143
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,535
Well, you remember down at the
Courthouse a little while ago
144
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,037
You were saying how you
Had all this work to do?
145
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,639
What?
146
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,642
Well, your troubles are over.
Help has arrived.
147
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,810
What are you
Talking about?
148
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,512
Come on in, malcolm.
149
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:19,847
Hello, miss bee.
150
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,181
You remember
Malcolm merriweather?
151
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,750
Come through here
Last year.
152
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,953
Of course. Malcolm,
Well, what a surprise.
153
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,421
[ chuckles ]
154
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:28,822
Oh, I'm so sorry.
155
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:32,860
My word, you do look fit.
A regular bobby dazzler.
156
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,696
Lovely as ever.
Lovely as ever.
157
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,130
Oh, what a way
To greet a guest.
158
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,866
Well, that's just it,
Aunt bee.
159
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,168
Malcolm's more than a guest.
He's gonna work here.
160
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,803
Malcolm?
161
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,673
Yeah, he's gonna
Stay right here and work for us.
162
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,708
Oh! Oh, oh.
Oh, the guest room.
163
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,877
I'll go right up
And straighten it.
164
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,879
Oh, now, don't you
Worry about a thing, mum.
165
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,614
Just leave it to me.
166
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:54,948
Oh, no, no, no. You don't know
Where the sheets are.
167
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,484
And I have to straighten up
The closet.
168
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,951
Just give me
A moment to tidy up
169
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,553
And you sit down and make
Yourself comfortable.
170
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:03,056
Oh, the one time I skip
The guest room...
171
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,458
[ sighs ]
172
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:05,959
She is a dear,
Isn't she?
173
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,227
She sure is.
174
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,097
Well, I may as well
Get cracking, aye?
175
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,499
Oh, here.
176
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,667
Thank you very much.
177
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,704
Oh, boy.
178
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,843
Great idea having malcolm
Stay with us, huh?
179
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,244
Well, I don't know.
180
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,646
What?!
181
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,648
Well, he can do anything --
Cook, clean.
182
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,150
Think of all the leisure time
You're gonna have.
183
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,685
Well...
184
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,021
Sure. Watch tv.
185
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,623
You know
That show you like
186
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,625
Where everybody's sick
And in the hospital?
187
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:38,992
You can watch
The whole thing
188
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,562
Instead of peeping at it
Through the kitchen door.
189
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,631
Sit right there
And watch every operation
190
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,165
Without missing
A single stitch.
191
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,668
No, no, I couldn't.
192
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,902
Why not?
193
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:53,774
Having a man
Around the house all day...
194
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,676
I don't know.
195
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,546
Well, young man,
It's long past
Your bedtime.
196
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,681
Sure is. You better
Get on up there.
197
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,183
What about that trick?
Hmm...
198
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,185
You said you'd think
About it.
199
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,555
And what do you
Think that is?
200
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,057
Ladies and gentlemen,
From the mysterious orient
201
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,126
A trick that has confused
The crowned heads of europe.
202
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,129
A simple tear in this piece
Of newspaper, and now...
203
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,998
If I could have one volunteer
From the audience, please?
204
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,232
I'll volunteer.
205
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,034
Thank you, sir.
206
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,903
You'll do very nicely if you'll
Hold that gently in either hand
207
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,238
And I'll say the magic words --
Inky, stinky, pinky, poo.
208
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,207
Abracadabra,
One, two, three
209
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,910
And there we have
A paper ladder.
210
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,311
Oh!
211
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,846
Thanks, mr. Malcolm.
212
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,048
Now that's for you
To climb upstairs to bed with.
213
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,584
Don't forget
To say good night
214
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,085
And give your aunt bee
A big hug.
215
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,286
Good night, opie.
216
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,688
Night, aunt bee.
Night, pa.
217
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,190
Night, ope.
218
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:46,059
Well, goodness,
What am I doing
Sitting here?
219
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,995
I have to get
At those dishes.
220
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,163
They're all finished, mum.
They are?
221
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,700
And I found some
Laundry dampening,
So I took the liberty.
222
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,202
You ironed?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
223
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,904
Ironed, folded
And nicely put away.
224
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,239
Come on, opie,
Let's hurry up.
225
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,678
Oh, good morning,
Miss bee.
226
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,847
My goodness,
I must have overslept.
227
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,182
Where's andy and opie?
They have their breakfast?
228
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,051
Oh, yes, indeed, mum.
Had it and gone.
229
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,587
Oh, well, why didn't
Somebody call me?!
230
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,088
Now, mum, as
I understand it
231
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:18,792
The whole idea
Is for you to
Sit back, relax,
232
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:19,993
And enjoy yourself.
233
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:21,862
So, sit yourself
Down here, and, uh,
234
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,363
I'll see that you get
Your breakfast.
235
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,065
Well, where
Would we...
Uh, coffee, mum?
236
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,067
Yeah, thank you.
There you are.
237
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,236
Uh, cream?
Please.
238
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,105
A little cream.
Uh, sugar?
239
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,974
No, no, no.
No sugar. Thank you.
No sugar.
240
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,678
Now, perhaps you'd
Like to, uh, read
The morning paper
241
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,213
And I'll get
Your egg for you?
242
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:50,357
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Ain't you hungry, ang?
243
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,893
Clock in your stomach
Bothering you?
244
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,227
Is your tummy
Going ticktock?
245
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,229
Now, don't start up
With me again, andy.
246
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,265
I didn't say a word
About your mother.
247
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,934
You know, you got
A warped sense of humor.
248
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,135
Warped!
249
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,871
But you just go on
And talk
250
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,106
'cause I ain't even
Gonna listen to you.
251
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,808
Well, I...
252
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,342
[ humming ]
253
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,248
You want to make fun
Of me all the time
254
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,950
'cause I got this low
Sugar blood content?
255
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,151
Is that what you want?
256
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,853
I get hungry. Hmm.
257
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,022
Oh, you're hungry?
Yeah, I'm hungry.
258
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,891
Well, why didn't
You say something?
259
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,258
You could've gone out.
260
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,428
'cause aunt bee
Won't be bringing
Lunch today.
261
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,130
You're kidding?!
262
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,299
No. I told her
Not to bother
263
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,001
Making up our
Lunches anymore.
264
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,003
You told her
Not to bother making up...?
265
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,337
You're warped!
266
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,039
Barney, I'm not warped.
267
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,808
Aunt bee's a lady
Of leisure now
268
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,844
And I told her not
To bother making up
Our lunches anymore.
269
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,880
Andy:
Well, it's mayberry's
Outstanding club woman.
270
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,148
How'd the meeting go?
271
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,349
Just fine.
272
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,318
But can't I bring you
Some lunch?
273
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,454
Now there's no work
To making tuna fish sandwiches.
274
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,189
Well, if you really
Want to...
275
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,390
Absolutely not.
276
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,693
We'll go to the diner
And get something.
277
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:03,897
But I feel funny not doing it.
Oh, can't I bring you something?
278
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,232
Oh, she really wants to...
279
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,700
No.
280
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:16,710
Hello, miss bee.
Lovely day, isn't it?
281
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,212
Gentlemen,
A little high tea.
282
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,081
What?
What's that?
283
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,116
Well,
What in the world...?
284
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,318
Well, what in the world
Is that?
It looks like a big ravioli.
285
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,420
Just a cornish pasty,
That's all.
286
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,122
Andy:
What's a
Cornish pasty?
287
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,991
There's meat and potatoes
In one end
288
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,325
And plum pudding in the other.
289
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,027
So you start
With the meat and potatoes
290
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,863
And work your way
Through to the dessert.
291
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,731
Well, what do you
Think of that, huh?
292
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,332
Barney:
Isn't that something?
293
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,835
Andy:
Salad, pickles,
Olives, oh, boy.
294
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,004
It's goodbye waistline
With you around, malcolm.
295
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,305
I'll tell you that.
296
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,440
Goodness, you boys
Won't be satisfied
297
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:50,243
With tuna fish sandwiches
Anymore, will you?
298
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,879
What'd you say,
Aunt bee?
299
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,749
Nothing. Nothing.
I'm just going along.
300
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,017
Andy:
Okay, go ahead
301
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,886
And have a good
Time, aunt bee.
302
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,388
Boy, is this a lunch?
I ask you, is this a lunch?
303
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,390
Barney:
Tell the truth
Now, malcolm
304
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,392
You used to cook
For the king of
England, did you?
305
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,927
[ andy chuckles ]
306
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,796
I can't wait
To get in this.
307
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,331
Mm-mmm.
308
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,935
Opie!
309
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,503
Opie!
310
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,872
What's the matter,
Aunt bee?
Where is that boy?
311
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,874
He has to go to jimmy
Farrington's birthday party.
312
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,209
Well, he's not
Out back.
313
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,944
I'll bet he's still
In his overalls.
314
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,879
It's like pulling teeth
To get that boy to go anywhere.
315
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,048
Hi, pa!
Hi, aunt bee!
316
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,983
Well, I'm going
To the party now.
317
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,484
Well, don't you
Look sharp.
318
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,987
Mr. Malcolm says I'm
Well turned out today.
319
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,156
I've never seen
Your hair look so neat.
320
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,425
That's 'cause he loaned me
His hair tonic.
321
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,960
Here, smell.
322
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,194
Mm!
Ooh!
323
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,864
It comes all the way
From england.
324
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,833
Oh!
Yeah, and he's going
To the party with me.
325
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,235
I'm just gonna show them
A few magic tricks.
326
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,571
I see.
He's gonna teach us some
Games and make paper trees
And everything.
327
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,274
Come on, mr. Malcolm.
Well, bye, ope.
328
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,577
Bye, pa.
Bye, aunt bee.
329
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,112
Oh, by the way,
I put the roast in the oven,
330
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,548
And I'll be back to turn it off,
So not to worry.
331
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:07,387
Well...Looks like you
Got the day off.
332
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,423
Not me. I got to go to work.
I'll see you.
333
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,797
[ both humming ]
334
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,847
Come on out here,
Malcolm,
335
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,116
And sit down
After all that work.
336
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,484
Thank you
Very much, sir.
337
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,019
Yeah.
338
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,354
Mighty good beef stew
Tonight, malcolm.
339
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,024
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
340
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,625
Wasn't it good, aunt bee?
341
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,627
Hmm?
342
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,863
The beef stew malcolm made.
343
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,332
Yes, it was very nice.
344
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,334
What did you put
In that gravy anyways?
345
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,870
Oh, that -- double dollops
Of cooking sherry.
346
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:59,372
Sherry? Well,
You shouldn't have done that.
347
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:00,974
I'm on duty tonight.
348
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,609
You better chew some gum.
349
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,178
Wouldn't do for the deputy to go
Out with gravy on his breath.
350
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,880
Gravy...
351
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:09,616
You say you're planning a trip
To gettysburg?
352
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,285
I hope to get
There, yes.
353
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,322
Yeah, gettysburg,
Pennsylvania.
354
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,658
See, that's famous
Because that's where lincoln
355
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,361
Made his famous
Gettysburg address speech.
356
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:25,398
See, lincoln -- he was
What we called a pre-si-dent.
357
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,000
And washington,
You see
358
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,635
Was our first
President.
359
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,037
And then lincoln --
360
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,439
Now, he didn't come along
Till later.
361
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,907
He was, uh...
362
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,243
Uh, 14th or 15th,
Somewhere along in there.
363
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,577
16th.
364
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,447
Pierce was the 14th,
Buchanan 15th
365
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,649
Lincoln was the 16th.
366
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,117
Well, yeah.
367
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:47,020
Like I say, it was
Somewhere along in there.
368
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:50,357
Barn, you want to tell malcolm
Some more about america?
369
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,558
No.
370
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,026
Opie:
Hi, everybody!
371
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,529
Oh, opie, you're all dirty
And perspiring.
372
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,231
We were playing
Run, sheep, run.
373
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,566
Well, you're gonna play
Run, sheep, run
374
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,968
In your bath, young man.
375
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,302
Come on, say good night
To everybody.
376
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,636
Give your aunt bee
A big hug.
377
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,639
Good night, aunt bee.
Good night, opie.
378
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,641
Well, I must say
You're very quiet
379
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,177
For a lady of leisure.
380
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,179
Are we having
A bit of trouble?
381
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:15,515
Maybe I can help you.
Yes. There you are.
382
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,250
The eight goes
On the nine.
383
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,086
Seven goes
On the eight.
384
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,288
Jack on the queen,
And you're out.
385
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,555
There.
386
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,457
Now you can sit back
And relax
387
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,226
And really enjoy
Your rest.
388
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,262
How about a glass of milk
Before you go to bed?
389
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,131
Uh-huh. And will you make me
A paper boat for the bath?
390
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,365
Oh, well, now...
391
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,371
* yaddy-yah,
Yaddy-yah *
392
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,373
* yaddy-yum-ta-da-rum
393
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,542
Mr. Malcolm?
Huh?
394
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:45,078
Do you always sing, too,
When you do the dishes?
395
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,746
Oh, yeah.
How come?
396
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,116
Well, you'll understand
This better
397
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,984
When you're older,
But you see...
398
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,552
You're happiest
When you're working
399
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,055
'cause it -- well, it makes
You feel useful, you know.
400
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,390
Yeah, I guess
You must be right
401
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,725
'cause when aunt bee
Is working
402
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,128
She'd sing all the time.
403
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,130
Really? Well, that's funny.
404
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,199
I don't think I ever heard
Your aunt bee sing.
405
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,434
Well, she don't anymore.
406
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,602
You mean, uh...
407
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,139
She used to sing
Around the house
408
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,340
When she
Was working?
409
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,175
Uh-huh. You probably
Never heard her,
410
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,511
But she used
To sing a lot.
411
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,681
I see.
412
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,051
Is it just the two of us
For sunday dinner?
413
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,252
Yeah.
414
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,486
Where's opie?
415
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,021
He went over to louis's
To eat with them.
416
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,023
What's the matter
With aunt bee?
417
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,359
She's sick
In the bed.
418
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,061
Well, bless her heart.
419
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,395
She must really be
Feeling bad.
420
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,264
She didn't even come
To preaching this morning.
421
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,266
What's the matter
With her?
422
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,134
I'm not sure.
423
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,470
Huh, it's too bad
She has to be sick
424
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,472
When she's getting
All this rest.
425
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,040
Mm.
426
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,212
Would...
Would you...?
427
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:55,582
I just can't bring myself
To ring that thing.
428
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,421
Just to get
His attention.
429
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,257
You ain't santa claus
On the street corner.
430
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,127
[ slurring ] Don't go ring
That bell and go,
431
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,596
"Ting-a-ling-a-ling-
A-ling."
432
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,631
I can't be
Everywhere
At once.
433
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,166
You know, I'm only human,
You know.
434
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,169
I've only got
One pair of hands...
435
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,072
Miss bee!
Miss bee!
436
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,408
Where do you keep that
Little, fat old poup sadle?
437
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,111
No, I mean loup sadle.
438
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,778
Soup ladle.
439
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,647
Bee:
Bottom of the stove.
440
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,349
You are?
441
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,351
Bottom
Of the stove!
442
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,552
I've got you.
443
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,820
* bottom of the stove
444
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,355
* of the stove
445
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,557
* of the stove...
446
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,630
Andy, I think
He's been drinking.
447
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,165
Sure acts like it.
448
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,400
That ain't like him.
449
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,403
Hey, soup-soup.
Soup-soup.
450
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,406
Beautiful old
Loup-loup.
451
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,275
Now, let me get
Behind you.
452
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,144
Serve to the left.
453
00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:03,316
And you take away
From the right.
454
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,652
Serve
To the left.
455
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,355
And the same token
456
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:11,358
Take away
From the right.
457
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,693
Ooh-ooh-ooh...
Soup spoons.
458
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,228
You haven't got
Any soup spoons.
459
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,897
I'll tend to that.
Just hang on a second.
460
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,600
[ chuckling ]
461
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,769
Isn't that
Just like america?
462
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,138
They not only got
Gold on the streets,
463
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,806
They've got silver
On the floor, too.
464
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,808
You see?
Silver on the floor.
465
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,210
Silver on the floor.
466
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:34,547
That's a joke.
That's a joke, eh?
467
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:37,550
Here -- pick the bones out
With that.
468
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,419
Now, we want some
Salted crackers.
469
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,620
* salted crackers
470
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:41,888
* salted crackers...
471
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,226
Hey, miss bee...
472
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,727
Where do you keep
Your salted crackers?
473
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,429
Top shelf
Of the pantry.
474
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,930
You are?
475
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,932
Top shelf
Of the pantry!
476
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,701
I've got you.
477
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,636
* top, top shelf, top...
478
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,708
Andy, he's gassed.
479
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,743
Yeah?
480
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:09,882
This soup's cold.
481
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:12,752
It's right out
Of the can.
482
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,921
There's the top
Of the can.
483
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:19,792
[ slurry singing ]
484
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:23,296
We've got an english otis
On our hands.
485
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,299
I don't know why
He can't find those things.
486
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,635
What's the matter with him
Calling upstairs like that?
487
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,503
Aunt bee, you didn't
Have to come down.
488
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:34,441
[ crashing ]
What's that?!
489
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,476
Oh! Mercy!
490
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,810
What in the
World happened?
491
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,247
I found the salted crackers.
492
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:45,852
Andy?
493
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,490
Sherry --
It's all gone.
494
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,825
You got no choice.
Fire him.
495
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,361
I can't believe it.
496
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,862
Andy, this
Is exhibit "A."
497
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,730
The guy's a wino.
Get rid of him.
498
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,432
Well, barney --
Hey, hey, hey.
499
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:00,633
I heard that.
500
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,834
You're talking about
Getting rid of me,
501
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,236
Aren't you?
502
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,905
After all I've done
Around here.
503
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,840
I've tried to do
Everything.
504
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:11,844
I've cooked
And scrubbed and cleaned.
505
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,714
But I think I know
When I'm not wanted.
506
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,249
I'm leaving.
507
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,918
No, please.
Don't try and stop me.
508
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:22,689
I'm gonna pack up
Me things...And leave.
509
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,558
This is all
Of the thanks I got.
510
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,760
You never...
511
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,298
Boy, there's nothing
I hate worse
512
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,965
Than a wino
On a crying jag.
513
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,668
Oh, but what do you
Think happened?
514
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,270
I'll tell you
What happened.
515
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,272
He fell off the wagon.
That's what happened.
516
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,473
He's back
On the sauce.
517
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:41,808
Goodness!
518
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,476
I better get
In there
519
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,478
And guard that silverware
Till he gets out of the house.
520
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,380
Poor malcolm.
521
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,516
I think it was
Just too much for him.
522
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,050
He had too much to do.
523
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,886
Well, I better dress and get
Down here and make some supper.
524
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,588
I thought
You was sick.
525
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,457
What?
Oh, nonsense.
526
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,825
No, I'll be back
In a minute.
527
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,728
Now, don't you touch anything.
I'll do it all.
528
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:18,010
[ sniffs ]
529
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,012
Hi, pa.
530
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:23,383
What happened in here?
What are you smelling?
531
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:25,051
Oh...Nothing.
532
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,621
Just somebody spilled
The cooking sherry in the sink.
533
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,626
So, you try being a little more
Help 'round here, young man.
534
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:36,329
And when your aunt bee starts
Singing around the house --
535
00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:38,665
She will soon --
You just join in
536
00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:41,668
And have a regular sing-along
With aunt bee, all right?
537
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,003
Okay, pop.
538
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,406
Oh.
[ clears throat ]
539
00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:53,413
Well, malcolm, you...
540
00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:55,081
Sobered up mighty quick,
Didn't you?
541
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:57,450
Yeah, well, I, um...
I'm, uh...
542
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,619
Very sorry
About all this mess.
543
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,788
Don't worry
About it.
544
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,923
Aunt bee will
Take care of it.
545
00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:07,927
Yeah.
I expect she will.
546
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,128
Well, goodbye, sir.
547
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,130
Thanks, malcolm.
548
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,865
For everything.
549
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:23,376
I always said this place
Was too much for anybody.
550
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,378
Maybe now
You'll believe me.
551
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:26,579
Well, out, out!
552
00:22:26,613 --> 00:22:29,782
There's work
To be done!
553
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:39,091
Pa, is mr. Malcolm
Ever coming back?
554
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:42,462
That's hard to say.
555
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:45,131
He was an awful good cook,
Wasn't he?
556
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:48,868
He sure is a good cook.
One of the best around.
557
00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:52,405
And he cleaned the house good
And did the dishes good.
558
00:22:52,439 --> 00:22:54,707
Good as aunt bee,
Even though he's a man.
559
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:58,878
Yeah, mighty good.
Mighty good.
560
00:22:58,911 --> 00:23:02,582
He was worth every penny
We paid him.
561
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:04,484
We're gonna miss him, too,
Aren't we?
562
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:06,653
Uh-huh.
563
00:23:06,686 --> 00:23:09,656
Of course, there's one thing
Aunt bee's awful better at.
564
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:12,158
Don't say "Awful better."
Just say "Better."
565
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:14,861
Oh, well, then there's one thing
Aunt bee's better at.
566
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:16,796
What's that?
567
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:18,164
She's better at hugging.
568
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:20,032
[ chuckles ]
569
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,902
Yeah, she is that.
570
00:23:22,935 --> 00:23:25,905
That kind of hugging,
Money can't buy, right?
571
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:27,206
No.
572
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,908
Why don't you run upstairs
And collect one?
573
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:31,611
Yes, I will, pa.
Good night.
574
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:33,813
Good night.
575
00:23:36,949 --> 00:23:39,952
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
41394
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