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1
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[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,047
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,683
With ronny howard...
4
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,319
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,429
[ women screaming ]
6
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,664
[ laughing ]
7
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,071
And then he burst into
The house, uninvited,
8
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,208
And started behaving
In the most peculiar manner.
9
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,542
Like what, miss wiley?
10
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,678
Oh, he stuck his hand
In the punch bowl.
11
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,148
And he ate every bit
Of the watermelon rind.
12
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,582
And if that wasn't enough,
13
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,119
He soaked the paper napkins
In the punch
14
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,387
And then he threw them
At the ceiling.
15
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,789
Well, didn't anybody
Try to stop him?
16
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,592
Mr. Schwab
Tried to pinch him.
17
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,694
But he just giggled
And jumped away.
18
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,164
You say you never saw
This man before?
19
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,399
Never, and I hope I never
See him again.
20
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,700
Did he take anything?
21
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,136
No.
22
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,671
He just came in demanding
To meet a woman.
23
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,141
-a woman?
-as blatantly as that.
24
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,809
And when I ordered him to leave,
He became incensed
25
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,212
And completely lost control
Of himself.
26
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,680
Here's the rock, mrs. Wiley.
27
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,482
Oh, yes.
Thank you, ramona.
28
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,517
He threw this rock
Through the window.
29
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,354
I thought you might like it
To study for fingerprints.
30
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:30,458
May I ask just how many of you
People have handled this rock?
31
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,725
Just me.
32
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,661
Oh, mrs. Poke.
33
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,597
Oh, ramona and mr. Schwab.
34
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:40,168
You laypeople have got to learn
To leave evidence alone!
35
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,636
It's going to make it
Very difficult now
36
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,572
For us and the boys at the lab.
37
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,574
-what boys at what lab?
-please, andy.
38
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,543
Well, we want to thank all
Of you for your cooperation.
39
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,811
We'll take it from here.
40
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,846
We'll analyze this rock
Chemically.
41
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,582
That's to determine its origin.
42
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,684
That way we'll know where
The man came from
43
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,153
And whether or not
He brought the rock with him
44
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,821
Or whether or not
It's a local rock.
45
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,157
Now, we also want
Your impressions
46
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,459
Of the man's appearance,
Both physical
47
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:09,297
And other aspects of his looks
And appearance.
48
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,465
Now, from this information,
49
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:14,302
Our staff artist will re-create
His face
50
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,870
And we'll know exactly
Who we're after.
51
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,407
-ernest t. Bass.
-yeah, that's a lead.
52
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,842
It's more than that.
I'm positive that's who it is.
53
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,577
The rock and the wild giggling.
54
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,280
Dirty hand in the punch. Yeah,
It's ernest t. All right.
55
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,882
We'll have this man in custody
Within an 18-hour period.
56
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,351
You can bank on that.
57
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,952
Thank you, miss wiley.
Let's go, barney.
58
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,554
Okay. See ya.
59
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,556
I want to thank you again
For your cooperation.
60
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,824
Come on, barney.
61
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,426
Right, ange.
62
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,861
Your cooperation and your
Detailed information.
63
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,430
Let's go, barney.
64
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:43,764
I'm coming, ange.
65
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,266
-mr. Fife?
-ma'am?
66
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,335
The rock.
67
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,604
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
68
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,758
[ sighs ]
69
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,561
Well, now what?
70
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,663
We've looked on every street.
71
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,933
In every store and restaurant,
Even looked under two houses.
72
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,802
Doggone that ernest t. Bass.
73
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,471
Every time he hits town,
74
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,839
He's number one
On our wanted list.
75
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,475
Yeah. I sure wish
76
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,677
There was some way
We could straighten him out.
77
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,412
Oh, nobody can.
78
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,848
The man's hostility
Is ingrained.
79
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,385
It's carved
In the deepest recesses
80
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,819
Of his subconscious id.
81
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,354
His behavior patterns
82
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,856
Are a permanent fixture
Of his behavior.
83
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,527
Now, when you got patterns
That are ingrained,
84
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,530
Well, any conflicting conflicts
That you might inflict,
85
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:54,868
Well, they can
Cause a traumatic...Trauma.
86
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,372
You been reading again,
Ain't you?
87
00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,907
"Aspects of the law."
88
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,775
I got it five more days
If you want to take a look.
89
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,544
I do.
90
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,748
Sure wish there was some way
We could help him.
91
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,518
Aw, forget it.
He's too far gone.
92
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:14,322
I wouldn't touch his id
With a 10-foot pole.
93
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,790
Well, let's go in.
94
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:30,003
Well, I guess we can start
Looking for him in the morning.
95
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,805
My old uniform?
96
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,807
What in the world?
97
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,843
Howdy, sheriff.
Howdy, deputy.
98
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,445
Ernest t.
99
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,880
Surprise, surprise.
100
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,582
I could see it in your eyes.
101
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,050
I bet you didn't even know I was
Here in town, did you?
102
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:47,355
[ laughing ]
103
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:50,458
We knew all right, ernest t.
104
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,593
Miss wiley called us
About the broken window.
105
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,028
You sure caused a lot of trouble
Over at mrs. Wiley's.
106
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,897
They were pretty shook up
Over there.
107
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,499
Allst I wanted was a girl.
108
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,934
That miss wiley, she just got
Mad all over.
109
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,703
The last time you was in town,
110
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,673
We gave you barney's uniform
To help you get a girl.
111
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,476
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
That was the plan, all right.
112
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,910
But it didn't take ahold.
113
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,512
That's why I brung it back.
114
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,814
See, when I went home wearing
That uniform,
115
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,784
I expected all the girls
Just to go plunk,
116
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,686
Flop right down at my feet.
117
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,454
But nah, same as always.
118
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,523
Just gazed right on through me.
119
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:26,460
Well, I'm sorry to hear that,
Ernest t.
120
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,962
I know how important it is
To you to get a girl.
121
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:32,633
I tried courting old
Hog winslow's daughter, hogette.
122
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,067
Pretty name.
123
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,737
Hogette? Yeah, it's french.
French name.
124
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,707
I courted her just as proper
As proper can be.
125
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,675
First off,
I wrote her a love note
126
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,577
Asking her to go on out
With me.
127
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,012
And then I tied that love note
128
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,415
On to the prettiest rock
You ever did see.
129
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,384
And then I give it the prettiest
Toss you ever did see
130
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,952
Right through her front window.
131
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,654
Well, did hogette come out
With you?
132
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,888
Couldn't.
133
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,425
Caught her right there.
134
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,393
Seven stitches.
135
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:02,830
All my charm, good looks,
And lovable traits
136
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,998
Didn't mean a peckity thing.
137
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,500
Ernest t.,
138
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,036
You don't throw
Rocks through windows.
139
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,672
Now, maybe if you gave it
Another chance with hogette
140
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,006
With a more proper courtship.
141
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,675
She's accounted for now.
142
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,910
She's gonna marry
The taxidermist
143
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,579
What sewed up her head.
144
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,151
Yeah, I reckon best thing is
For me to do
145
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,121
Is find myself a cave
And just hermitize myself.
146
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,990
Ernest t.?
147
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,124
Hmm?
148
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,694
I'd like to try to help you.
149
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,095
-you would?
-yeah.
150
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,097
Now, are you willing to learn?
That's important.
151
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,867
And after the learning,
There'll be a woman?
152
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,502
It's -- it's possible.
153
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,671
[ clears throat ]
154
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,642
Don't get involved.
Ain't it bad enough
155
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,544
We have to run him out of town
Once a month?
156
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,546
All I want to do
Is try to help him.
157
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,948
You know, clean him up,
Teach him a few manners.
158
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,985
Maybe he'll even quit
Throwing rocks.
159
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,854
That's impossible.
Look at him.
160
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,493
He's a challenge.
161
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,995
He's a mess.
162
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,730
Like that?
163
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,465
That's it.
164
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,734
There you go.
165
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,537
Mr. Bass?
Will you pass the bread, please?
166
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,138
Yeah. Here it is.
167
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,239
Mr. Bass!
168
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,008
Throwing food is a sin.
169
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,242
It certainly is.
170
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,144
You pass it, you don't throw it.
171
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,548
I just don't cotton to all this.
Too daggone many rules.
172
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,650
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
173
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,051
Now, ernest t.,
174
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,954
We're just trying to help you
Fit into society.
175
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,590
Now, you want a girl
Or don't you?
176
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,826
Would you pass the potatoes,
Please?
177
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,863
Here you go.
178
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,033
Well, what's the matter?
I passed it.
179
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,701
I didn't heave it.
180
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:51,539
You don't pass one.
You pass the whole thing.
181
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,706
Whole thing?
182
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,174
The whole thing.
183
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,851
Hi, andy.
184
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,220
Oh, hi, barn.
185
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,624
Well, how is the big experiment
With ernest t. Coming?
186
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,092
Fine.
187
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,528
He had supper with us.
He's upstairs cleaning up.
188
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,163
Yeah, I suspect he would be.
189
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,633
Well, I still say the whole
Thing is a waste of time.
190
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,302
You going to work on him
Some more tonight?
191
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,938
Mm-hmm.
He's showing progress.
192
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:28,208
I bet when I get through with
Him, you won't recognize him.
193
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,678
You want to know
What I'm going to do?
194
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,945
I'm gonna keep working at him
195
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,814
And try to pass him off
At miss wiley's.
196
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,315
You're kidding.
197
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,184
No, I'm gonna try.
198
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,219
Oh, this I got to see.
199
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,854
Ought to be better
Than a movie.
200
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:41,922
[ both laughing ]
201
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,523
[ clattering ]
202
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,630
Hey, deputy.
203
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,331
Oh, he's coming right along.
204
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,833
For a minute there,
205
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,836
I thought it was
The count of monte cristo.
206
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,939
It takes time.
207
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,941
Uh, ernest t.?
208
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,844
There's something
We got to talk about.
209
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,780
And that's the way you come
Into a room.
210
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,850
Too slow?
211
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,053
No. No. It was --
It was too noisy,
212
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,254
Too hectic.
213
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,789
Now, you got to remember,
214
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,157
When you come into a room
Full of strangers,
215
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,660
They judge you by the first time
They see you.
216
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,128
-they do?
-yeah.
217
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,896
Barney, suppose you show
Ernest t.
218
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,665
The proper way to come
Into a room.
219
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,735
Oh, no, don't involve me
In this.
220
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,771
You see, barney
Is a perfect example
221
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,873
Of a young man about town.
222
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,307
Granted, on the outside,
223
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,144
He looks like a tough
Weather-beaten lawman.
224
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,780
But coming through
That rough exterior,
225
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,114
That rough hide,
226
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,284
Is a sophisticated,
Well-mannered gentleman.
227
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,854
You can afford to be mighty
Proud of yourself.
228
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,357
Andy, I got an idea.
229
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,992
What's that, barn?
230
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,628
Why don't I show ernest t.
How to come into a room?
231
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,164
Now, that's a good idea.
232
00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:00,834
Okay.
233
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,770
What kind of a gathering
Is it?
234
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:03,971
Mm, social.
235
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,806
-formal or semiformal?
-neckties.
236
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:06,907
-formal.
-right.
237
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,941
Any city officials?
238
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,176
No, just folks.
239
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,277
How many people?
240
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,945
Are you going to enter
241
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,413
Or are you planning on bringing
The sandwiches?
242
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,383
Andy, if you're gonna do
Something, do it right!
243
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,152
Now, there's different
Entrances for different affairs.
244
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:22,055
Jiminy christmas.
245
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,693
Watch this.
246
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,427
-ange?
-yeah?
247
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,029
About 10 couples
You figure?
248
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,064
-about.
-anybody in the kitchen?
249
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,332
No. No.
Make your entrance.
250
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,701
Coming in.
251
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,068
[ knocking on door ]
252
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,370
I wonder who that can be?
253
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,181
[ no audio ]
254
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,827
I can't hear him.
255
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,094
I can't hear him.
256
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,963
Now, how am I gonna learn
If I can't hear?!
257
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,298
Doggone you, ernest t.,
Them are the amenities!
258
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,167
Now, you don't yell out
Amenities!
259
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769
I can't hear your "Ameninies"!
260
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,470
Barney, I don't mean
To criticize.
261
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,140
I mean, you came in fine,
Friendly and everything,
262
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,875
And I got a right nice
Impression.
263
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,209
But I got to admit,
264
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,111
The mouth work was a new one
On me, too.
265
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,446
You try it, ernest t.
266
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,849
-ameninies?
-right.
267
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:27,154
[ slowly ]
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
268
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,822
Again.
269
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:33,794
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
270
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,028
Once more.
271
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:40,233
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
272
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,335
Now, that's coming along
Pretty good.
273
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,171
Now try to talk through
Your mouth more.
274
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,505
You're twanging.
275
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,841
You seem to be talking
Through your nose.
276
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:52,079
Oh, well, I do that on purpose
So's I can talk whilst I eat.
277
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,848
Let's just keep working on it.
278
00:11:54,882 --> 00:12:00,387
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
279
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,858
Come on, ernest t.
280
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,138
Now, that's the way to come
Into a room.
281
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,007
Mr. Bass, you are stunning.
282
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,408
Go on, ernest t.
283
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,176
Say it to her like
You've been practicing.
284
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,147
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
285
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:30,217
Good. Good.
286
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,220
Y'all set?
287
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,923
I brought the car to drive you
Over to mrs. Wiley's.
288
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,124
-good.
-hi, aunt bee.
289
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,826
-hi.
-hi, there.
290
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,095
Well, where is ol' ernest t.?
I want to get a good l--
291
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,463
Ernest t.!
292
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:47,434
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
293
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,302
You boys have a good time.
294
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,471
What do you think, huh?
295
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,106
Andy, you're a genius.
296
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,808
I didn't even know him.
297
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,543
You've created a new person.
298
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,912
You've taken a raw piece
Of clay,
299
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,580
And you've molded it into a --
300
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,549
Well, you're just a genius.
301
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,417
That's good, ernest t.
Good.
302
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,320
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
303
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,456
[ laughing ]
304
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,459
Can he say anything besides
"How do you do, mrs. Wiley"?
305
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,561
Well, sure.
Talk to barney, ernest t.
306
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:17,330
Good evening.
307
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,499
Good. Good.
308
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:20,567
That's good.
309
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,369
Nice evening, ain't it?
310
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:26,339
May I have this dance?
Thank you for the dance.
311
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,108
May I have the next dance?
312
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:32,245
No coffee, tea, or punch,
Thank you.
313
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,047
Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,883
Who are you gonna
Pass him off as?
315
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,918
My cousin from raleigh,
Oliver gossage.
316
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,619
-oh, ollie.
-yeah.
317
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,022
This is one night I'd just love
To be a wall at mrs. Wiley's.
318
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,391
-just love to be a wall there.
-well, why don't you?
319
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,927
Why don't you go home and change
And meet us there?
320
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,129
I'm gonna do just that.
321
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,463
Go ahead.
322
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,065
You know, if you wrote this
Into a play,
323
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,566
Nobody'd believe it.
324
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,038
Your cousin from raleigh.
325
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,406
Well, how nice.
326
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,042
It was so thoughtful of you
To bring him.
327
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,044
We do need eligible young men.
328
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,578
Well, thank you, mrs. Wiley.
329
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,081
Well, we'll just mingle
And socialize.
330
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:12,085
No, no. You're not gonna steal
Him away from me.
331
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,321
Oliver and I are going to get
Acquainted.
332
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,457
Well, he's very shy.
333
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,326
That's what we're here for.
334
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,129
Now you go talk to ramona,
Sheriff.
335
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,932
Oliver, you come with me.
336
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,634
Well, uh, I'll see you, oliver.
337
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,972
[ big-band music plays ]
338
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:37,377
Well, now, oliver, tell me
All about yourself.
339
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:41,381
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
340
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,950
Yes.
341
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:46,053
Have you and the sheriff
Been having a nice visit?
342
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:49,322
What have you been doing
In town?
343
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,425
Well, I've been coming
Into rooms nice.
344
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,394
I ain't been shaking
Ladies' hands.
345
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,998
Oh!
346
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,400
Oh, now, be serious.
347
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,570
Oh, no.
No, thank you, mildred.
348
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:07,474
No coffee, tea, or punch,
Thank you.
349
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,410
Will you say that again?
350
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,579
No coffee, tea, or punch,
Thank you.
351
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,581
Once more.
352
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,185
No coffee, tea, or punch,
Thank you.
353
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,488
Something funny
Is going on here.
354
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,426
Evening, miss ancrum
355
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,363
Good evening, sheriff...
If it doesn't rain.
356
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,199
Huh?
357
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,566
Oh, yes.
358
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,802
It will be a nice evening
If it doesn't rain.
359
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,574
Excuse me a moment.
360
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,710
Go right ahead, sheriff.
361
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,082
Oh, evening, mr. Schwab.
362
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,250
How's it going?
363
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,484
So far, so good.
364
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,486
Ernest t. Is really
Behaving himself.
365
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,523
She ain't at all suspicious?
366
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,391
Not so far.
Keep your fingers crossed.
367
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,460
This could be a whole new life
For ernest t.
368
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,594
[ scoffs ]
369
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,431
He sure got slim pickings here.
370
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,100
-dogs. Nothing but dogs.
-barney.
371
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,636
Andy, if you flew a quail
Through this room,
372
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,438
Every woman in it would point.
373
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,174
Don't talk like that.
374
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,143
-uh-oh.
-what's wrong?
375
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,477
I don't know yet.
376
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,047
I want to speak with you,
Sheriff taylor.
377
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,514
Will you excuse us, deputy?
378
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,721
Did you think you could
Really fool me?
379
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,257
Now, miss wiley.
380
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,759
Sheriff, I have been around
A long time.
381
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,362
And I've been
To a great many places.
382
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,230
This man is not from raleigh.
383
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,666
I know.
I'm sorry.
384
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,470
Definitely back bay, boston.
385
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,605
How's that?
386
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,575
Why didn't you tell me
The truth?
387
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,110
Oh, well.
388
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:53,380
I wanted everybody to be at ease
Around him.
389
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,448
Well, that was a mighty
Sweet thought,
390
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,317
But go on,
Move around the room,
391
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,451
Have him meet people.
392
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,387
Have him dance with ramona.
393
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,754
Yes, ma'am.
394
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,757
Huh? Huh?
395
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,327
I thought it was all over.
396
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,197
She thinks he's from boston.
397
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,831
She thinks he's from boston.
398
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,334
-boston?
-yeah.
399
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,668
Either you did you
That good a job
400
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,505
Or mrs. Wiley is a nut.
401
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,408
Ernest t., you're coming along
Like a million dollars.
402
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,511
Hi, ernest t.
403
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,114
How do you do, mrs. Wiley?
404
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,448
You said that already.
405
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,317
Now, get a girl to dance
A little.
406
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,518
Where?
407
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,752
You see that girl
Right over there?
408
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,854
Her name is ramona.
409
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,823
Now go ask her to dance
With you.
410
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,258
Well, I don't know.
411
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,792
You want to know girls,
Don't you?
412
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,495
Well, go on. Dance like you've
Been practicing.
413
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,431
-go ahead.
-have I got the rhythm?
414
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,099
Yeah, you got it.
Go on.
415
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,281
May I have this dance?
416
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:04,151
I'd be delighted.
417
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,728
It rained last week, you know?
418
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,231
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
419
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,567
I was right there in it.
420
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,902
Doing good, huh?
421
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,438
Yeah, he's got a good rhythm.
422
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,841
You want to dance with anybody?
423
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,810
No.
424
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:45,758
It's supposed to rain tonight,
But I don't think it will.
425
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,560
Do you?
426
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,730
Ma'am, you have to keep talking
About rain?
427
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,232
Well, no.
428
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,934
What do you want to talk about?
429
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,171
Let's talk about me.
You want to know about me?
430
00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,540
I don't spill at the table.
I don't throw food.
431
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,609
And I try not to talk
Through my nose.
432
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,877
That's wonderful!
433
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,379
And I'm strong.
434
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,216
You know I can lift you
Real easy, ma'am.
435
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,283
Mr. Gossage.
436
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,718
No, I could.
I could.
437
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,354
Why don't you let me
Heft you once, huh?
438
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,955
I'll set you right down
As soon as you say.
439
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,458
-huh? Here.
-oh!
440
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,726
See that?
441
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,829
Mr. Gossage, you are strong.
442
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:26,633
I once held up a goat like this
Whilst the vet gave him a shot.
443
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,468
Oh, my.
444
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,203
Ladies and gentlemen,
445
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:33,206
Now we're going to have
Our weekly --
446
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,675
Where is mr. Gossage?
Ramona?
447
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,378
Ramona?
448
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,647
We better go inside.
449
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,649
Mm-hmm.
450
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:46,419
Ramona?
451
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,789
Oh, there you are!
452
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,324
I didn't think you'd want
To miss this.
453
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,626
We're going to have a tag dance.
454
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,395
Now, you all know the rules.
455
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,265
When you're tagged,
You give up your partner.
456
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,467
Ready?
457
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,871
[ music plays ]
458
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:09,242
Where do you suppose ernest t.
And ramona was off to?
459
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,543
I don't know.
460
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,712
Apparently he didn't do
Nothing wrong.
461
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,314
She seems to like him.
462
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,515
Yeah.
463
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,394
-ain't fair.
-it's perfectly all right.
464
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,629
Now, if you want to dance
With somebody else,
465
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,698
Well, you just tag
And you get your turn.
466
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,700
-just like that?
-just like that.
467
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,649
It didn't take.
468
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,618
Well, you didn't tag him
Firm enough.
469
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,453
-hmm?
-let him know you're there.
470
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,721
Tell him you're cutting in.
471
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,623
-give it to him firm?
-that's the idea.
472
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,625
Firm.
473
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,447
[ screaming ]
474
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,814
Cutting in.
475
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:24,951
He ain't gonna get you away
From me this way.
476
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,853
Ernest t.,
Put that girl down.
477
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,655
Oh, no!
It's him.
478
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,957
That animal.
That creature.
479
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,394
Creature?
Who are you calling a creature?
480
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,496
Aahhh!
481
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,366
[ all yelling at once ]
482
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:50,343
Come on!
483
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,987
He wouldn't give me back
My chosen woman.
484
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,355
It ain't fair.
485
00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,824
And she called me a creature.
486
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,859
Ernest t. Bass,
I was right about you.
487
00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:08,528
There ain't no changing you.
488
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,763
You can't make a silk purse
Out of a sow's ear.
489
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:14,100
I ain't no sow's ear,
And I ain't no creature!
490
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,735
Just calm down.
491
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:23,676
I -- I thank you for trying
Anyway, sheriff.
492
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,979
I'll pay you for the clothings.
493
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,982
Forget it, ernest t.
494
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,752
Let's go.
495
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:38,425
Well, I reckon I'll give up
My thoughts of femaling.
496
00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:40,126
Bachelor life ain't too bad
497
00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:44,130
If you get enough chipmunks and
Squirrels to move in with you.
498
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:47,600
Sheriff!
Mr. Gossage, wait!
499
00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,068
Wait for me!
500
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:53,973
Mr. Gossage, you're not leaving,
Are you?
501
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,842
Huh?
502
00:22:55,875 --> 00:23:00,913
Well, I was hoping we could
Spend some more time together.
503
00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:05,452
You -- you mean it, romena?
504
00:23:05,485 --> 00:23:08,154
Of course I do.
505
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:11,891
I surely did enjoy our little
Talk and our dance
506
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,594
And [giggling] The porch.
507
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,696
You mean when I...
508
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:18,130
Yeah.
509
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:20,667
[ laughing ]
510
00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:43,089
Well, I guess it's true.
511
00:23:43,122 --> 00:23:45,625
There is a woman for every man.
512
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:54,033
You know, it's amazing,
It's just amazing.
513
00:23:54,066 --> 00:23:55,502
What?
514
00:23:55,535 --> 00:23:57,937
Oh, I don't know,
Life's little tricks.
515
00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:00,239
I mean the way things
Turned out.
516
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,142
Ramona ancrum running off
After ernest t. Bass
517
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,645
The way she did --
It's just amazing.
518
00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:08,815
It's the darnedest thing
I ever saw.
519
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:12,485
Now what would cause a quiet,
Sweet, demure girl
520
00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:13,986
To suddenly go ape?
521
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:16,556
I mean, she comes from such
A respectable family.
522
00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:19,258
The ancrum charcoal company has
Been in business for years.
523
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,561
Well, you're getting close.
524
00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:24,997
She's the granddaughter
Of rotten ray ancrum.
525
00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:27,600
Rotten ray ancrum.
526
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:31,003
Come down out of the hills in
1870 and burnt the town down.
527
00:24:31,037 --> 00:24:32,539
Burnt the town --
528
00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,807
And then went into
The charcoal business?
529
00:24:34,841 --> 00:24:36,075
-right.
-you see?
530
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:38,511
Blood will tell.
Breeding will out.
531
00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,547
This is fantastic.
532
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,682
You know, if you wrote this
Into a play,
533
00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:44,216
Nobody'd believe it.
534
00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:52,925
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
37203
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