All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S02E24 Old Fashioned Remedy 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-ZEW_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

- [SINGING] Point, point, to
Hotpoint, and the life of ease,

for Hotpoint makes the toughest
job around the house a breeze.

- Yes, Hotpoint means
the best for you.

Appliances and cabinets, too.

- Electric kitchens through
and through that work

automatically for you.

So point, point to
Hotpoint for your laundry.

Move Hotpoint in and it moves
out all wash day drudgery.

So point, point to
Hotpoint, as the Nelsons do.

You'll toss your
cares up in the air

when Hotpoint works for you.

Let Hotpoint work for you.

[upbeat music]

- And now Hotpoint presents
America's favorite family

comedy, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife
Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next
door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

[upbeat music]

- Hi, dear.

- Oh, hi.

- Did you think we
weren't coming home?

- Well, I was
beginning to wonder.

- You hungry?

- A little bit.

And tonight is the night I go
bowling with Thorny, you know.

- Yes, I know.

You're really living
it up, aren't you?

Next week, you're going to the
Elks dinner with Dr. Williams.

- Oh, how'd you find that out?

- That's where I was.

I took Ricky over to his
office to get him a shot.

- Oh?

Well, I thought Ricky just
had a shot a little while ago.

- Oh, this wasn't
a booster shot.

He didn't feel very good when
he came home from school today,

so I took him over
to see Dr. Williams.

- Oh, gee, that's a shame.

What did he say?

- Well, he thinks he might have
picked up some sort of a virus.

- Oh, gosh.

What makes him so
sure it's a virus?

- Well, I don't know.

But he's got a very nice
office and two nurses and all

the latest magazines
to read, so I

guess he knows what
he's talking about.

He gave David a shot, too.

- What for?

- Well, just in case
Ricky does have something,

we want to make sure
David doesn't get it.

And of course, if Ricky
doesn't have anything,

then we won't have
to worry about David.

- Well, I don't get that.

- Well, dear, those new
antibiotics are wonderful.

- Yeah, they sure are, Pop.

- Oh.

Sit down, have a
glass of milk, Dave.

- Thanks.

I think I'd rather stand.

- Next time I get a shot, I'm
going to get in the arm, boy.

- Ah, those antibiotics
are a lot of bunk anyway.

- Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Remember last month
when I had that bad cold

and Dr. Williams gave me
a shot of argipenecitine.

Why, it cured me
practically overnight.

- Oh, Harriet.

You'd have gotten well
just as fast if you'd

taken what I prescribed.

- Oh, no.

Not Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- What's wrong with it?

I've been taking it
since I was a boy.

- Is that the bottle
you usually keep up

in the medicine cabinet, Pop?
- Mm hmm.

- Yeah.

- That's the one with
a picture on the label,

the shaft of sunlight
shining on Abraham Lincoln.

- The motto was, "It's good
enough for the president,

and it's good enough for you."

- Did Lincoln take it, Pop?

- Yeah, did he, Pop?

- Well, I'm not sure
he actually took it,

but the implication is there.

If he wanted to take
it, he was welcome to.

- That's democracy for you, boy.

- Well, it may have a corny
label, but it's real medicine.

When us kids got sick, that's
what our old family doctor

used to prescribe for us.

He didn't whip
out any hypodermic

and fill us full of
some wonder drugs.

- But the modern wonder
drugs do the trick, Pop.

- Yeah.

How come you're
resisting progress, Pop?

- I'm not resisting progress.

I'm just saying that
because the thing

isn't modern doesn't
mean it's no good.

Should we destroy the Mona Lisa
just because it isn't modern?

Should we stop raising sheep
just because we have nylon?

- Not till they have
nylon lamb chops.

- It may be old
fashioned, but it

works just as well as
any fancy antibiotics.

- Well, don't get
steamed up, dear.

You'll catch cold
when you go bowling.

- And if I catch it,
Gaffney's will throw it.

- You know, dear, you
ought to send that in.

That's better than "It's good
enough for the president,

and it's good enough for you."

[upbeat music]

[knocking on door]

- Come in.

- Well, come on and
get your clothes on.

We're due over at the
bowling alley in 15 minutes.

- Well, Oz, I don't
think I can go.

I don't feel very good.

- You're kidding, aren't you?
You look fine.

- No, honest.

I'm sick.

- Oh, gee.

I'm sorry to hear that, Thorny.

Oh, I get it.

Tonight's your night to
pay for the sandwiches.

- Oh, now, that's a real nice
thing to say about a friend,

implying that I'm a welcher.

- Well, what else
am I going to think?

I come over here and you say
you're sick and you look fine.

- Oh, Oz.

How can you torture a
poor, sick man this way.

- Oh, come on, Thorny.

You're not sick,
and you know it.

[knocking on door]
- Oh, no?

Well, here's Dr.
Williams right now.

Come on in, Doc.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson.
- Oh, hello, Doctor.

- Hello, Mr. Thornberry.

- Hi, Doc.

- Saw your boys in
my office today.

- Oh, yes.

I know.

- Two fine boys.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

We think they're
pretty good kids.

- What's wrong with you, Thorny?

- Well, I don't
feel so good, Doc.

My bones ache.

I've got a headache, and I think
I have a little temperature.

- It must be that virus
that's going around.

I'll just give you
a little shot here.

- Just a second, Doctor.

- Something wrong, Mr Nelson?

- What kind of a shot do
you figure on giving him?

- Oh, I don't know.

I'll rummage around
in my bag here.

I'll find something.

Now, there's a pretty color.

You like that, Mr. Thornberry?
- Yeah.

That looks fine, Doc.

- Roll over on the couch.

- Now, just a second.

Doctor, I don't
mean to sound rude,

but I have a theory
about these shots.

- Oh?

- Now, you take
your snap decision

to give Thorny a shot
in the first place.

- Just a minute.

Let's be ethical about this.

Mr. Thornberry, do
you mind if I discuss

your case with the eminent
surgeon and musician, Dr.

Nelson?

- Oh, no, talk all you want.

I'll get my copy of the
Home Medical Advisor,

and I'll be referee.

- Well, Dr. Nelson,
what is your theory?

- Well, I believe you
stated a moment ago

that in your opinion,
Thorny is suffering

from some sort of a
virus infection, right?

- Well, if you're not
satisfied with my diagnosis,

I'll tell you what we'll do.

Take out his appendix.

- I'm satisfied
with the diagnosis.

But the shot you're
going to give him.

I assume it's an antibiotic?

- Yes.

- Why are you going
to give it to him?

- You really want to know?

- Yes, I do.

- Because a drug
salesman stuck me

with a whole refrigerator
full of the stuff.

I got to get rid of it to
make room for the Cokes.

Roll over, Thorny.

- Don't do it, Thorny.

- But Oz!

- Doctor, I'd like to know why
you can't prescribe something

simple but effective, like
Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- Gaffney's Blood Tonic?

- Yes.

I hate to cast any aspersions
on your professional ability,

but when I was a boy,
our old family doctor

used to prescribe that
for a cold regularly.

- But, Mr. Nelson,
in those days they

knew nothing about antibiotics.

It's only recently
we've discovered

powerful germ-killing
antibodies in the soil.

- Well, then, why did I get
well so fast in those days?

- Maybe you were
just a dirty kid.

- Doc, will you
give me the shot?

I'm in a draft.

- Just a second, Thorny.

- Please, Oz, let
the doctor alone.

I'm paying for this.

- Now, Thorny, don't worry.

No matter how long it takes
me to give you the shot,

it'll only cost you $5.

- $5?

Thorny, if you'd
called me up in time,

I could have gotten you a
bottle of Gaffney's for $1.98.

You'd get well just as
quick, if not quicker.

It was my grandmother's
favorite remedy.

It makes you feel good
[snaps] just like that.

- It ought to.

You know what's in it?
- No.

What's in it?

- Sassafras root,
peppermint, quinine, sugar,

and 20% alcohol.

- Alcohol?

- Yes.

I bet your grandmother was
a jolly little old lady,

wasn't she?

- Are you implying that my
grandmother took Gaffney's just

because it had alcohol in it?
- Oh, no.

Not at all.

I'm just saying it wasn't
the sugar, peppermint,

and sassafras that
made her feel so good.

- I-- I looked at the
label very carefully,

and there's no mention
of alcohol on it.

- Look under Lincoln's beard.

- For goodness sakes, Doc,
I'm serious about this.

- Oh!

Doc, you should have warned me.

- Well, if you'd
taken Gaffney's, you

wouldn't have to worry
about things like this.

- Well, gentlemen,
much as I hate

to interrupt this
scientific discussion,

I think I'd better
get back to my office.

I have some cigarettes to test.

- Doctor, if I could
just straighten this out

before you go.

Then you really think that
I shouldn't take Gaffney's

in the event I catch a cold?
- No, no.

You take it.

Take lots of it.

But if you do, make sure
somebody else does the driving.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, hello, dear.

Did you have a good time?

- Oh, well, pretty good.

- How'd you bowl tonight?

- Well, Harriet,
rolling up a big score

isn't the important
part of bowling.

I mean, the object is the
companionship and meeting

people and the exercise.

That's the real
object of bowling.

- Is it?

- Well, it is when you
bowl the way I did tonight.

However, I did meet a
very interesting guy,

a friend of Joe Randolph.

Charlie Vosberg.

Does that name mean
anything to you?

- No.

Should it?

- He owns the Vosberg
pharmaceutical company.

We had quite a talk about
Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- What'd he have
to say about it?

- He'd never heard of the stuff.

Can you imagine a guy being
in the pharmaceutical business

and not knowing about
Gaffney's Blood Tonic?

It was practically the
penicillin of its day.

- Well, Dr. Williams didn't
seem to think much of it.

- Well, that's the trouble
with some of these guys.

They call themselves
modern doctors,

when actually they're
way behind the times.

- Oh, I don't know.

Dr. Williams gave the boys
that shot of argipenecitine,

and then they feel fine now.

- No, I have nothing
against argipenecitine.

That is, if you don't mind
being a human pincushion.

But I still say they have
yet to find anything better

than Gaffney's Blood
Tonic for a cold.

[groans]

- Do you feel all right, dear?

- Yeah, I feel OK.

Just got a little tired tonight.

My muscles seem to ache.

I think that's why I
didn't bowl too well.

- Your face looks a little red.

You sure you
haven't got a fever?

- No.

[sneezes]

- Oh, you're catching cold.

- Hey, by golly,
you may be right.

- Well, don't look
so happy about it.

I think you better stop
over to Dr. Williams

and get yourself a
shot of argipenecitine.

- Harriet, I don't need that
trigger-happy Dr. Williams.

Call the drugstore and have
them send over a shot of-- no,

not a shot, but a
bottle of Gaffney's.

I'll cure this cold
the old-fashioned way.

- Suit yourself.

- I don't imagine Mr Miller will
mind delivering us a bottle.

- He'll probably be delighted.

He very likely hasn't
sold one in 20 years.

- Miller's drugstore.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Miller.

This is Ozzie Nelson.

- Oh, hello there, Mr. Nelson.

How are you?

- Well, not so good.

I seem to be coming
down with a cold.

- Oh, that's too bad.

You better get yourself
a shot of argipenecitine.

Best thing in the world
for a cold, you know.

- Well, that's a
matter of opinion.

I called to ask if you'd send
me over a bottle of Gaffney's

Blood Tonic.

- A bottle of what?

- Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

It's a very famous cold remedy.

- How do you spell it?

- Uh, G-A-F-F-N-E-Y.
Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

My grandmother always
gave it to us for a cold.

You must have a bottle on
one of your shelves there.

- Well, I'll take a look.

Let's see, now.

That was Grandmother Gaffney's--

- No, no, no.

Not grandmother.

Just Gaffney's.

G-A-F, Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- Oh, I've got you now.

Hold the line a
minute, Mr. Nelson.

- What's the matter, dear?

- He's looking for it.

Now he has a whole
shelf full of bottles,

but they're pushing
argipenecitine this year.

- Are you still
there, Mr. Nelson?

- Yes, Mr. Miller.
Did you find it?

- Yes, sir.

I didn't even know I had
any of the darn stuff.

I just have this one bottle.

It was way back on the shelf,
behind Dr. Jagger's Liver

Vitalizers.

- Oh.

Well, would you mind dropping
it by on your way home?

- Not at all.

I'm happy to have
a customer for it.

- Oh.

Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Miller.

- Um, how's your liver been
feeling lately, Mr. Nelson?

You know, Dr. Jaggers got
a mighty fine product.

- Just a bottle of
Gaffney's will be enough.

Thanks.

- OK.

I'll be over in
about a half an hour.

Sure there's nothing
else I can bring?

- No.
No.

I don't think so.
Thank you.

- How are you fixed for
Schneider's Snake Oil?

- Oh, we-- we have
plenty, thanks.

I'll be looking for you, then.

And thanks a lot, Mr. Miller.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- How do you feel, dear?

- Oh, hi.

I know this is going to
surprise you, Harriet,

but I woke up feeling wonderful.

This old Gaffney's Blood
Tonic really did the trick.

[hiccup]

- Well, you still
don't look too good.

- Oh, I-- I feel [hiccup] fine.

- You didn't drink that
whole bottle, did you?

- Well, of course.

I mean, that's the idea, to
kill off the cold as soon

as possible.

- Yes, but not the patient, too.

[hiccup]

[chuckles]

[hiccup]

- Well, I think you better
stay in bed today, just

be on the safe side.

- Oh, no.

I feel fine.

In fact, I think I'll
get up right now.

Where are my shoes?
Do you know?

- They're right over there.
You want me get them for you?

- No.
No, thank you.

- For goodness sakes,
are you all right?

- Oh, yes.

I had the funny--
all of a sudden,

the room started swinging.

- Yes.

Well, I think you better
get back under the covers.

- [stammering]

Maybe I am rushing
things just a little bit.

I think perhaps that one bottle
of Gaffney's wasn't enough.

- Look, why don't you
let me call Dr. Williams

and have him give you a
shot of argipenecitine?

- Harriet, are you kidding?

All I need is another bottle
of Gaffney's, and I'll

be fit as a "foodle."

Would you get me another
bottle of Gaffney's, please?

- I don't think there's another
bottle left in the city.

- Oh, there must be.

Back in New Jersey, all the
drug stars used to carry it.

- Well, I'm not going to drive
all the way back to New Jersey

to get it.

- I'm sure you'll be able
to find it someplace.

Tell them it's an emergency.

- Well, all right.

[hiccup]

- Pop?

Pop, are you asleep?

- Oh.

Hi, boys.

Did your mother get back?

- No, not yet.

How do you feel, Pop?

- Oh, I-- I feel pretty good.

I'll be fine as soon
as I get another bottle

of Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- Why don't you just have
Dr. Williams give you

a shot of argi pelican seed?

- Argipenecitine.

- Yeah, why don't you get
some of that stuff, Pop?

- Oh, I don't need
argipenecitine.

I'm doing fine with the Ga--

Ga-- Ga--

Ga-- the-- the Gaffney's.

[hiccup]

- It's not like it's
helping you much, Pop.

- No.

- Well, I think maybe that
first bottle was stale.

Your mother's gone out
to get me another bottle.

- Hi, boys.
- Hi, Mr. Thorny.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.
- See you later, Pop.

- See you later, Pop.

- OK, fellas.

What are you doing up
out of bed, Thorny?

- Oh, Oz, I feel much better.

Saw Harriet a little
while ago, and she

said you had a cold,
so I thought I'd

drop in and see how you are.

- Oh, thank you.

- I brought you some fruit.

- Oh.

Where is it?

- I ate it on the way over.

How you feeling, Oz?

- Well, I'm feeling
much better now, thanks.

- Oh, that's good.

That argipenecitine
is wonderful stuff.

- Oh, I'm not taking
argipenecitine.

I'm taking Gaffney's.

- Gaffney's?

- Yes.

You know, the
Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

[pops]

Best stuff in the world for you.

- Wowie, Oz.

Just when are you supposed to
take Moscow Mules for a cold?

- [stammering] That's a
fine, old-fashioned remedy.

- Ah.

Do you drink this stuff,
or take a rub down?

- That's Gaffney's.

You know, the stuff I was
telling you about last night.

Wonderful!

One bottle of it, and you
feel great, just like that.

- Yeah?

Then why are you still in bed?

- Well, evidently I
have a two-bottle cold.

- Oh, hi, Thorny.

- Hi, Harriet.

I just dropped in to
see the sick a bed boy.

- Oh, I see you
got the Gaffney's.

- Yes, I did, and it
wasn't easy, either.

Not many stores
carry that stuff.

I finally found it in a
store all the way downtown--

Dr. Wong's Chinese Herbs.

He tells me it's not
only a blood tonic,

but it also makes a very
good sauce for Mandarin duck.

- OK.

You can kid all
you want, but I'll

guarantee you one more
bottle of this stuff,

and I'll have this
cold licked before you

can say argipenecitine.
- Yeah?

Well, one more
bottle of that stuff,

and you won't be able
to say "argipenecitine."

I'll try a shot of this.

Over rocks, if you please,
Harriet, with a little water

on the side.

[upbeat music]

[pops]

- Ozzie, what are
you doing out of bed?

- Well, there's no reason
for me to stay in bed.

I feel fine.

- Well, you do
look a lot better.

- Oh, thanks.

It was that second bottle of
Gaffney's that did it, I think.

Believe me, I've never
felt better in my life.

- Well, I guess Mr. Gaffney's
got something there after all.

- Well, it's mighty
sporting of you to admit it.

- You're not going out, are you?

- Yeah.

I thought I'd go downtown,
get a little fresh air

and a few laughs.

- A few laughs?

- Yeah.

Where is Dr. Williams' office?

[phone ringing]

- Hello, Dr. Williams.

Well, hello, Mrs. Willoughby.

Uh huh.

Oh, I see.

Well, I don't like that
fever, Mrs. Willoughby,

so I'm going to
prescribe argipenecitine.

Yes.

Would you have your
druggist call me?

I'll give him the prescription.

I'll drop by and see you later.

Goodbye.

- Still pushing that
argipenecitine, eh, Doc?

- Dr. Pasteur.

What brings you
into the confines

of my humble little office?

- Well, sit down, Doctor.

I have some interesting
news for you.

I'm afraid I have burst your
little antibiotic bubble.

- Oh?

- Would you care
to hear about this?

- Oh, yes.

- Well, sir, the
night before last,

I came down with a
rather severe cold.

However, I did not call you.

- I appreciate your
thoughtfulness.

- Instead, I decided
to treat myself

with Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- Oh, really?

- You see standing before you
a perfectly well man, a living

tribute to the efficacy of that
grand old elixir, Gaffney's

Blood Tonic.

- I see.

- Well, is that all
you've got to say?

I see?

- Well, sir, before
I commit myself,

I'd like to have a
scientific report

so I can weigh the facts.

- Oh, well, that's
understandable.

- You mind if I make some notes?
- No.

No.
In fact, I wish you would.

- Thank you.

Now, when you first developed
the symptoms of this cold,

you started taking this
Gaffney's, is that right?

- Yes, that's right.

I phoned the drugstore, and they
sent over a large size bottle.

However, this wasn't sufficient
to complete the treatment,

so my wife went out and
bought another bottle.

- I see.

- It's my theory the
first bottle was stale.

- But it was the second
bottle that cured you?

- Yes, and I stand before
you as a living testimonial.

- I made a note of that the
first time you mentioned it.

- Oh.
Yes.

Yes.

I just try to
emphasize my point.

Now then, would I be
expecting too much,

Doctor, if I anticipated
an apology from you?

- No, not at all.

I'm real sorry It's
going to be so much.

- What's going to be so much?

- The bill I'm
going to send you.

- The bill?

This is purely a social call.

- Oh, I'm not charging
for this, just

for the 125 cc's
of argipenecitine

I put in the bottle of
Gaffney's Blood Tonic

that Mrs. Nelson
brought here yesterday.

- What's this?

- I wanted to let you
suffer, but Harriet insisted.

- Well, of all the
underhanded tricks!

- What are you
complaining about?

Cured you, didn't it?

- Well, not necessarily.

It was mixed in with the
Gaffney's Blood Tonic,

and it's my contention that
the Gaffney's did the trick.

- It was the argipenecitine
that did the trick.

- It was the Gaffney's.

- It-- wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Why didn't I think
of this before?

- Think of what?

- What really cured you
was argipenasassafritine.

- What's that?

- Well, Gaffney's
contains sassafras root,

and they recently discovered
a new chemical in sassafras.

Well, it's a complicated bit of
biochemistry, but what happens

is this.

The sassafras combines
with the argipenecitine

to form an even more
potent antibiotic,

argipenasassafritine.

- Penasassafritine?

- By George, I'm going to
see that this is written up

in the medical journal.

[phone ringing]

- Dr. Williams.

Oh, yes, Joe.

Excuse me.

Drugstore.

Oh, Mrs. Willoughby's
prescription.

Joe, I want you to
give her 500,000 units

of argipenasassafritine.

Dextrose will be all right.

Every three hours.

All right.

Well, sir, brother Nelson,
if it hadn't been for you,

I never would have
thought of this.

- How about that?

It's amazing!

An old-fashioned remedy contains
a powerful new chemical.

- I guess you amateur
physicians sometimes

know more than us doctors.

I'd appreciate it, though,
if you wouldn't mention it

before it's written up
in the medical journal.

Might be kind of embarrassing.

- Oh.

Well, gee, this has been an
interesting visit, Doctor.

I'll see you, probably
around the bowling alley.

- OK, and thanks again.

- Oh, sure.

[phone ringing]

Dr. Williams.

Bye, Mr. Nelson.

[door closes]

- Oh, Joe?

Yes, I was just going
to call you back.

Couldn't find any, huh?

Well, I guess we'd better
give Mrs. Willoughby

just plain argipenecitine.

What?

No, I don't mind telling you.

Argipenasassafritine
is a sure cure

for old-fashioned stubbornness.

[upbeat music]

- Something wrong, dear?

- Oh, everything's wrong.

I'm afraid I've got
that darn cold again.

I feel terrible.

- What seems to be
the matter with you?

- Oh, same old symptoms.

My stomach is
jumping up and down.

[hiccup] My head aches.

[coughs] My eyes water.

I don't think this would
have happened, Harriet,

if you and the
doctor hadn't have

put that darn argipenecitine
in my Gaffney's Blood Tonic.

- Oh, well, that's
too bad, dear.

Look, you go back
upstairs, and I'll

fix you some tomato juice
and Worcestershire sauce.

- Is that good for a cold?

- No, but I understand
it's the best thing

in the world for a hangover.

[applause]

- If there are any doctors
watching our show tonight,

we hope you'll accept this in
the spirit that we intended it.

It's just a lot of good fun.
- Oh, sure.

Some of our best
friends are doctors.

- Yeah.

As a matter of fact,
the first person

I met in this whole
world the day I was born

was our old family doctor.

- You know, we did a
lot of kidding tonight

about cures for colds, but we're
really serious when we tell you

that at the first
sign of a cold,

we Nelson's always
gargle with Listerine.

- We sure do, boy.

Well, goodnight.

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

will be brought to
you by Antizyme,

the new toothpaste
that gives you all day

immunity to tooth decay acid.

- Well, good night, folks.
We'll see you again next week.

- Goodnight.

And remember, always look to
Hotpoint for the finest first.

- Yes, sir.

That's what I always say, boy.

- What do you always
say, little man?

- Always look to a Hotpoint
[ding] for the finest first.

- The part of Mr. Miller
was played by Joseph Kearns.

Doctor Williams was Frank Cady.

This is Vern Smith speaking.

Don't forget that a
completely different episode

of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday
night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for
time and radio station.