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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240
Thick pea soup,
spreadable turkey paste,
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,760
one tin of corned beef,
two cubes of meat broth,
3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,280
five boiled sweets, one...
4
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,920
Ooh, actually, have we got
any boiled sweets?
5
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,760
I think I'm craving pear drops.
6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,760
You're joking? I only just got back
7
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,720
from getting you
that watermelon.
8
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,600
I thought I fancied it.
What do you want?
9
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,240
A square of chocolate,
four dry biscuits...
10
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,760
..and a packet of oatmeal.
11
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,480
It's a ration pack.
It's always a ration pack.
12
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,000
Well, it would keep you going
for 24 hours,
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,800
more if you ration it.
14
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,520
You'd ration a ration pack?
Yeah.
15
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,960
I'm so bored of Food Club.
16
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,400
It's always the same -
egg atop a cutlet.
17
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,760
Bum and chips.
18
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,600
Ooh.
Liquid lunch.
19
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,520
Heyyy!
20
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,360
Go on, then. How much
was a pint in your day?
21
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,360
Oh, for the plebs - £1.90.
22
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,400
Commons members' bar -
87 pence, sir.
23
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,840
What? Oh, God, I like the
sound of that members' bar.
24
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,840
Yeah, you should do.
You paid for it.
25
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,920
Sorry, are we still playing
Food Club,
26
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,720
or shall I just whip out
the Cock Soc?
27
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,560
Oh, Cocktail Society!
28
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,920
- No, no, no, no.
- Not that again.
29
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,440
How about a nice round of
Grandmother Went To The Shop?
30
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,040
Boring!
31
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,040
This not boring.
32
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,320
First 8,000 years were boring.
33
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,200
He's right.
Yeah.
34
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,840
It's going to be
a very long eternity
35
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,240
if we're already bored
of everything.
36
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,920
Oh, what are we going to do?
37
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,760
Bored of everything! Ah!
38
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,920
Guys, it's fine.
39
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,040
We just need to think
of some fun new pastimes
40
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,720
to while away the...
41
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,160
Oh, I've got one.
42
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,600
You commit a murder.
43
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,280
Happens.
44
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,400
The judge throws the book at you.
45
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,160
A life sentence? Death sentence.
46
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,360
The gallows await.
47
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,200
What...
48
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,920
..would be your last meal?
49
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,640
Well, that's just Food Club!
50
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,520
Je voudrais un cafe noir, s'il vous
plait.
51
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,520
Et un croissant pour ma soeur.
52
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,840
OK. For the last time, you don't
need to learn French.
53
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,240
She's bringing an interpreter.
54
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,960
Yeah, but she'll like
that I've made an effort.
55
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,640
She'll think it's...
..trezz bien.
56
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,760
All right, listen to me.
57
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,960
The only reason they'd send
the head of the company,
58
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,840
the big cheese... Grand fromage.
Stop it!
59
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,120
...is so that she can sign off
on the plot, which means
60
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,280
that this golf course deal
is in the bag.
61
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,880
As long as we don't come
across as insane.
62
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,280
OK? So there's no need
for grand gestures
63
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,600
or the hard sell
or to speak French.
64
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,360
We just need to seem like
nice, normal people
65
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,120
you want to do business with.
66
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,600
Oh, speaking of business...
67
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,200
No.
No, no. Hear me out.
68
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,280
So if this land deal goes
through...
69
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,360
Mm.
70
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,120
..then we get some money.
That's it.
71
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,920
It's a one-time thing. But...
72
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,360
..what if there was a way to
keep some incoming income...
73
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,640
..coming in?
74
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,160
Yeah! Now you're interested.
I'm not. I'm absolutely not.
75
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,880
It was something you said,
actually.
76
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,200
Well, you said Julian said.
77
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,320
A members' bar. Hmm?
78
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,920
Look, with the gatehouse gone,
79
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,680
we've got the old breakfast room
and office doing nothing,
80
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,600
so why not lease it
to the golf club
81
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,800
as a members' bar, which we run?
82
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,680
Then the income from that
pays for us to live
83
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,840
in the rest of the house.
84
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,320
OK. That is actually
not a bad idea.
85
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,560
Right? It's a win-win.
86
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,240
But now is not the time to be
throwing in curveballs.
87
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,360
OK? We just need
to get the deal on the table
88
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,720
signed and sealed,
89
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,160
and then we can talk about
this bar idea tomorrow.
90
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,320
But she's coming today,
91
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,080
and this might be my last chance
to pitch this tete-a-tete.
92
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,000
Please. Please,
I am begging you
93
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,600
as your loving, full-of-baby wife,
94
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,320
no curveballs, no French,
no pitching mad ideas.
95
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,040
Not today. OK?
96
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,480
Je ne comprends pas.
97
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,280
Oy.
98
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,040
Je n'aime pas
la musique moderne.
99
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,240
Ou habites-tu, mademoiselle?
100
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,920
Well, we could at least try it.
101
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,520
We talked about this.
102
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,240
Sitting in silence
is not a pastime.
103
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,640
Ou est la gare,
s'il vous plait?
104
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,840
Je pense que la gare
principale est proche d'ici,
105
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,360
dans le village a cote, je crois,
106
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,040
mais tu devrais
demander a ta femme.
107
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,920
What?
108
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,120
You speak French.
109
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,400
Bah, oui, je me defends.
110
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,960
So I said to him,
111
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,920
"Give me one good reason why I
should not run you through."
112
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,120
To which he replied,
113
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,200
"I shall give you two!
114
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,280
"One, because I know you to
be a patient man.
115
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,240
"And as for the second...
116
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,120
.."I shall tell you tomorrow."
117
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,160
Onward, Rohr.
118
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,800
Ever onward!
119
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,240
Will...
120
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,720
Bone Hall. Quoi?
121
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,720
Too grand to sit idle.
122
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,640
24 rooms. 400 acres.
123
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,960
A home befitting the
bloodline. Ha!
124
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,080
My gift to the bride and groom.
What say you?
125
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,480
She said it looks so perfect
she could not wait to explore.
126
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,480
Ha! You hear that, Humphrey?
127
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,880
Je n'aime pas ca ici.
128
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,320
Je ferai retraite a ma chambre
a la maison.
129
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,760
Je ne veux pas rester ici.
130
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,800
What'd you say?
131
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,120
I said, "You're a dark horse."
132
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,360
Un noir cheval.
133
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,400
Oh!
134
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,440
Un cheval sombre.
135
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,600
Yeah.
136
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,880
Hey! You speak your second language
better than your first.
137
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,760
I had a good teacher.
138
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,160
Right, where were we?
139
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,160
Staring into the abyss
of eternity.
140
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,720
Is there a way to watch This Morning
from the very beginning?
141
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,480
The abyss deepens.
142
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,680
No, it should be
something active,
143
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:12,800
some sort of game.
144
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,400
Or we could put on a show.
145
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,840
There are shows on television.
146
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,160
No, it should be a game.
147
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,120
No, let's put on a show.
Television.
148
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,640
Game.
Show.
149
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,680
Television! Game.
150
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,080
Show.
Television.
151
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,160
Game. Show.
152
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,560
Television.
Game!
153
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,400
Show!
154
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,840
..et une si belle campagne.
155
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,960
And a very, very beautiful
countryside.
156
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,520
Oh, yeah.
Well, we're very lucky.
157
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,080
Oui, nous avons
beaucoup de chance.
158
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,920
Oh, this is my husband, Mike.
159
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,360
Et voici mon mari, Mike.
160
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,280
Mike. Sabine.
Hello. Hi.
161
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,520
Bonjour.
162
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,000
Bonjour. Bonjour. Hello.
163
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,080
Bonjour. Hello.
164
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,000
Oh, and bonjour to you.
165
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,600
Et bonjour a vous. Hein?
166
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,640
No, that was...
That was for you.
167
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,080
Non, non, c'etait pour vous.
Oui, bonjour?
168
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,240
Yes, hello.
No, for you, that one.
169
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,080
OK. So shall we go and see
this golf course, then?
170
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,520
On va regarder le terrain de golf?
171
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,840
Ah, oui.
172
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,920
Est-ce que je peux
laisser ca la-bas?
173
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,280
Donc, d'abord il faut...
174
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,200
Why are you being so weird?
I'm not being weird.
175
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,160
He's being weird.
He repeats everything.
176
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,040
That's his job. And can you
stop speaking French?
177
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,000
Why?
Because that's also his job.
178
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,240
And you promised.
179
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,480
No, I didn't.
Well, promise now.
180
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,520
What's in the bag?
Promise and I'll tell you.
181
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,680
Tell me and I'll promise. Don't you
play that game with me.
182
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,840
Well, just show me that...
183
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,440
Are we...? Yeah. Yeah. Coming.
184
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,000
Yeah, yeah, of course.
185
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,360
Bizarre.
186
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,680
# Blankety blank
Blankety blank
187
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,800
# Boom-boom
188
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,520
# Blankety blank
Blankety blank!
189
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,760
# Boom-boom! #
190
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,640
And joining us
on the panel tonight...
191
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:39,600
# Blankety blank... #
192
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,880
Stephanie Button,
Katherine Higham,
193
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,320
Humphrey Bowen,
194
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,840
Thomas Thorne,
195
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,920
Robin...Robin
196
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,600
and the rest of Humphrey Bowen.
197
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,880
# Blankety blank! #
198
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,080
Hello and welcome
to Blank Or Blanks.
199
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,000
Blankety Blank!
Boom-boom.
200
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,240
Robin!
No. Yeah.
201
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,040
A missing-word game, apparently,
202
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,320
requiring of two antagonists
203
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,240
who will now
identify themselves.
204
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,120
Patrick, your name and rank,
please.
205
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,400
Hello. I'm Pat Butcher,
originally from Huddersfield,
206
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,760
and in my spare time I lead
an adventure youth group.
207
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,440
Very good.
And Pat's enemy tonight is...
208
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,440
Julian Fawcett,
209
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,040
former politician ,
210
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,440
and in my spare time
211
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,240
I like wine, women and song.
212
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,760
Although I'm not so bothered
about the song.
213
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,360
Very good. Very good.
214
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,560
On to round one.
215
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,240
No-one was harmed
during the training exercise
216
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:42,320
because the Lee-Enfield rifles
were all loaded with...
217
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,760
..blanks.
218
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,800
Right... No.
219
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,040
No? No.
220
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,840
The missing word can't
actually be the word blank.
221
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,480
You say, "blank", to show
where the missing word is
222
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,680
and then we have to guess
what it might be.
223
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,520
And perhaps, you know,
224
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,600
make the questions
a little bit more fun,
225
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,200
you know, and maybe a bit saucy.
226
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,400
Oh, yeah.
227
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,880
Saucy?
Yeah.
228
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,200
You know, like...
229
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,160
Aunt Jenny's cakes
were the pride of the county.
230
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,120
Everyone loved her floury baps.
231
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:16,520
But the stars of the show were
her cream-covered blanks.
232
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,760
Oh, good one, Pat. No! No, no,
no. I mean, that's just bordering...
233
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,400
No, no. I will not debase myself
with cheap double entendre.
234
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,120
Fanny. Come on, Fanny.
235
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,880
Come on.
236
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,120
Hey, I know.
237
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,840
How about a bit of Bully?
238
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,720
Is that a sentence?
239
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,440
A bit of Bullseye.
240
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,760
It's like a TV quiz show
with darts.
241
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,640
I used to love it
back in the day.
242
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,600
I'm a big fan of the arrows.
243
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,480
This was before.
244
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,000
No, it wouldn't work.
How do we pick up the darts?
245
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,960
Oh, let's hear your idea, then.
246
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,240
Or are we just going
to spend eternity
247
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,600
twiddling our thumbs?
248
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,240
Oh! What was the one we
saw where you got points
249
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,720
for getting less points?
250
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,560
I think it was called Less Points.
251
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,800
No, you need points
or what's the point?
252
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,800
If I'm playing, I want the best
answer on the board.
253
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,280
Oh! I know what we could try.
254
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,160
It was her, wasn't it?
255
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,360
Eh?
Your French teacher.
256
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,040
It was my wife.
257
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,720
What if it was?
258
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,680
Knew it. How long was this going on,
eh?
259
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,720
Don't know. How long you
live at the house?
260
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,160
All that time?
261
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,920
Did you ever think how that
would make me feel?
262
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:22,960
No.
263
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,080
Unbelievable!
264
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,000
I can't even look at you
right now.
265
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,560
Ah. Afternoon.
266
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,920
I wonder if I might have a
word with my wife, please.
267
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,640
Of course, my lord.
268
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,760
Depuis quand
est-ce qu'il m'ecoute?
269
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,760
Oui?
Ah, Sophie. My... Hello.
270
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,400
My father is having a banquet.
271
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,000
Well, not a banquet as such,
272
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,680
but a...a social thing
that's important
273
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,200
for his standing in the...
Pardon?
274
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,600
Well, for his standing.
275
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,080
And he's asked
if we could be there,
276
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,520
you know, show our faces.
277
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,320
Lentement.
278
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,080
So I was thinking
downstairs at three.
279
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,320
It should be fun.
Well, it might be.
280
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:35,080
Well, not fun as such,
but certainly...bearable.
281
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,840
I believe
there'll be drinks and nibbles.
282
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,200
Homme.
283
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,560
Homme.
284
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,000
Homme. Ah.
285
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,680
Et la frontiere, elle est
juste derriere cette haie?
286
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,720
And the border is just
beyond the hedge, yes?
287
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,560
Yeah, that's where our land
joins with our neighbour's,
288
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:15,360
who I believe you've met?
Mr Beg-Chetwynde?
289
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,560
Oui, Monsieur
Beg-Chetwynde.
290
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,080
Oh, yes, Mr Beg-Chetwynde.
291
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,920
Yeah...
Oui, oui.
292
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,120
Oui. Yes.
293
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,920
Yeah. Oui.
294
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,360
Oui? Yes?
295
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,240
Yes. Oui.
296
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,840
Act normal.
Stop saying yes.
297
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,400
Tell him to stop saying yes.
298
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,880
Je trouve ca bizarre.
299
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,040
This would be a lot easier
if he wasn't here.
300
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,560
Peut-etre c'est normal ici.
301
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,680
Oui, it's a good - bien -
space - espace.
302
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,880
But perhaps a long journee
from le clubhouse...
303
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,600
Right, I can't concentrate
if you're going to keep...
304
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,680
Don't tell her that. Stop it.
305
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,840
Stop it. Mike!
306
00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,440
You'd be a long way
from refreshments out here.
307
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,200
Vous serez loin
des "refreshments"...
308
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,400
Ah! Which is why...
309
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,240
Which is why any decent golfer
learns to think ahead.
310
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,760
C'est pourquoi un bon golfeur
y reflechit en avance.
311
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,840
And what finer spot
for a nice cup...
312
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,680
..of English tea?
313
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,120
C'est un bon endroit pour boire
une tasse de the a l'anglaise.
314
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,160
Ah, du the. Parfait.
Please, allow me.
315
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,360
For you.
316
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,680
And there you go.
317
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,840
Got to keep hydrated.
318
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,600
All that talking.
319
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,360
There we go.
320
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,000
OK. Round two, then.
321
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,160
Fingers on buzzers.
322
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,480
We asked three and a bit people
323
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,760
to name something
that could kill you.
324
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,440
Your secretary.
325
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,320
Sorry, Julian. You have to
buzz before you...
326
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,080
Your secretary? How would your
secretary kill...?
327
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,880
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
328
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,040
Oh, yeah!
329
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,040
I'm sorry, Julian.
You have to buzz first. OK?
330
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,280
So, Kitty, could you please
name something
331
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,000
that might kill you?
332
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,840
A cloud.
Right.
333
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,120
Would a cloud kill you?
334
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,320
Yes, if you fell from it.
335
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,400
Right. Just, you know,
336
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,840
maybe thinking for a moment
about people you know.
337
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,600
And are there any other
causes of death
338
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,320
that might be more likely
to be on the board?
339
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,280
Yes. Sorry. How silly of me.
340
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,840
Kicked by a horse.
341
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,440
Kicked by a horse. OK. Yeah.
342
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,600
Kitty's saying,
"Kicked by a horse."
343
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,720
And our survey says...
344
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,440
No! Nuh, nah!
345
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:29,920
I'm sorry, Kitty.
It's not up there.
346
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,880
But that's what killed my cousin.
347
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,160
That's a fact.
348
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,080
That's as may be, but that's not
what the rules of the game are.
349
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,640
Well, then it's a stupid game,
and I'm not playing.
350
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,160
Oh, well, then
we're back to square one.
351
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,440
Unless...
352
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,560
Facts.
353
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,600
Cold, hard facts.
354
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,720
More tea?
355
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,920
Encore de the?
356
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,200
Non, merci.
357
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,320
And would your interpreter
like more tea?
358
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,840
Um...
Yeah. Rude not to.
359
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,160
Very British.
360
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,640
Oh. Mm.
361
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,200
Yes. Yes.
362
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,680
Alors... C'est tout.
Oui, oui, oui.
363
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,360
And your chosen
specialist subject is?
364
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,560
Allied tanks
and amphibious landing craft,
365
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,640
1939 to 1945.
366
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,000
Well, this isn't going to work,
is it?
367
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,280
What? Don't know anything
about that.
368
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,680
Well, you lot wanted
something more factual.
369
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,920
Well, I could provide
some questions.
370
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,560
I know a fair deal
about the subject.
371
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,480
Well, that completely
defeats the object.
372
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,560
Clearly, the issue here
is the topic.
373
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,800
We need something
more widely known.
374
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,800
A subject seared into
the popular imagination.
375
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,400
Name?
376
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,760
Thomas Angus Thorne.
377
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,040
And your chosen
specialist subject is?
378
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,160
18th-century Romantic poets.
379
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,040
Oh, come off it!
380
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:53,560
It wasn't, um, you know,
with Sophie.
381
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,840
I know. It's just...
382
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,040
20 years of marriage,
we barely shared a meal,
383
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,880
while you two were BFFs.
384
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,320
Booffs?
385
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,400
Best friends forever.
386
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,200
Not forever.
387
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,680
I did try, you know,
388
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,440
in my marriage.
389
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,560
Tu parles...
390
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,120
..mais tu n'ecoutes pas.
391
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,720
What?
392
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,240
You talk, you not listen.
393
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,520
Oh, so now you're a better
listener than me, huh?
394
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,760
I could only listen.
395
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,360
I was dead.
396
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,520
Just wanted to say how very sorry
397
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,960
I and indeed the entire household
was...were
398
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,800
to hear of the passing of your dear
and devoted nursemaid
399
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,720
after all this time... Oh.
400
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,160
Yeah.
So you've seen everything.
401
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,960
That brings us back to the...
402
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,040
Oh! Back door's open.
403
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,920
It's probably easier
to just cut through.
404
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,560
Hmm. Look at this!
405
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,040
Wow.
406
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,880
What's in...here?
407
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,040
Oh, look.
408
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,960
Le cocktails.
409
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,800
Why not? Parfait spot for it. Hmm?
410
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:16,360
Les cocktails.
C'est l'endroit parfait, non?
411
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,480
Um...
You all right, Garion?
412
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,000
Um...
413
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,120
It must be all the tea, huh?
414
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,960
Oh.
415
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,640
Oh.
No worries.
416
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,040
We'll show you to the toilet.
Yeah.
417
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,120
Yeah. OK, fine.
Yeah. This way.
418
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:51,480
Now, Sabine,
while we have une moment...
419
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,120
Merci.
420
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:58,960
...allow me to introdu-ire you
to a petite idea of moi.
421
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:26,240
"Si notre vie est moins
qu'une journee."
422
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,840
Well, go!
423
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,280
Harder!
424
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,240
I might say I did that.
I would.
425
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,440
Hmm.
426
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,400
See, this is why I won't have
swords in the house.
427
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,480
Yeah...
428
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,360
Bad day?
429
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,000
Do you miss her?
430
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,600
I miss a lot of people.
431
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,520
But more come along.
432
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,720
I am also nodding.
433
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,680
Oh.
434
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,520
Would you teach me
a bit of French?
435
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,280
I mean, I picked up a little, but...
436
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,640
Would you listen?
437
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,960
I'll try.
438
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,040
OK.
439
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,160
So...
440
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,440
Je m'appelle Ro...bin.
Je m'appelle...
441
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,560
I'm just saying,
Mastermind could still work.
442
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,160
We just need to ditch
the specialist subject round
443
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,880
and then each pitch in with
a couple of easy questions
444
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,480
all about our own eras
and interests.
445
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,080
And then I think between us,
446
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,640
we'd have a pretty rad
general knowledge round.
447
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,240
But I won't know anything
about events that happened
448
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,800
when you were alive.
I'd been dead for decades.
449
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,600
Oh, yes. Hmm.
450
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,160
So it might work
451
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,200
if we asked questions
to someone from now.
452
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,280
Yeah. So it's just...
It's just this way.
453
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,520
Oh! Merci!
454
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:40,920
Merci. Thank you.
455
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,680
Alison, can we borrow you
for two minutes?
456
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,160
Literally two minutes.
I'm actually quite busy, Pat.
457
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,920
that is a full-on horse wee.
458
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,840
So, trust me, we've got time.
Please.
459
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,120
Two minutes.
460
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,000
Quoi?
461
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,240
OK. OK. Got it. Quick as you can.
462
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,320
Right. Two minutes
on general knowledge,
463
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,720
and your time starts...
464
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,040
..now! What type of aircraft
flew alongside
465
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,360
the famous Spitfire
in the Battle of Britain?
466
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,560
Alison?
467
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,040
Danny DeVito.
468
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,600
Egg. Eggs.
469
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,680
Cheddar Gorge.
470
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,000
1903?
471
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,000
The metric system.
472
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:39,600
A toenail?
473
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,280
Um... Bananarama.
474
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,160
Que se passe-t-il avec ces gens?
475
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,520
A wedge of lime?
476
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,880
Um...
477
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:56,080
And ma femme and moi...
could run it all for you.
478
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,440
Vous. Pour vous.
479
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,960
Ca a l'air de pouvoir marcher.
480
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,400
Is bonne idee. Good?
481
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,200
Oh, OK. Yeah.
482
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,400
With no passes,
Alison Cooper,
483
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,040
you scored 12 points,
484
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,360
which, in the absence
of any other player,
485
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,160
I suppose makes you our champion.
486
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,000
Oh, bravo.
487
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,680
Well, thanks, guys.
Pop my prize in the post.
488
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,120
Oh, yeah.
489
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,800
Oh! Will there be prizes?
490
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,120
Oh, yes. You get a trophy.
A big glass one.
491
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,920
And on Blankety Blank, you
get a chequebook and pen,
492
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,920
and you could win all sorts
on Bully.
493
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,040
Yeah.
494
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,560
You could win a caravan
or a speedboat
495
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,520
or just a lovely hamper.
496
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,680
Oh, all right!
497
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,920
And what would one get
in this hamper?
498
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,600
Well, that would depend.
499
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,160
Garion?
500
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,440
Et voila.
501
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,120
Sometimes known as
the Envy Martini,
502
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,280
but today let's just call it
the Perfect Green.
503
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,520
Ah! Je comprends!
Comme au golf!
504
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,160
Golf, yeah.
505
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,760
Sante! Ah.
506
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,720
Oh, that's good.
507
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:09,960
Yeah, I can picture it now.
508
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,280
Le golfers stood at le bar.
509
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:14,840
Ordering their Parfait Vert.
510
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,280
Drinking in the tres jolie...
511
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,760
Oh, my God!
Sabine, what is it?
512
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,400
What?
Allergie aux noix.
513
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,080
Allergy to what?
514
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,360
Mm...
Oh, nuts.
515
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,440
Oh, the hazelnut liqueur!
516
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,960
Oh, no.
517
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,160
Mes medicaments...
518
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,240
Oh, this is a good
learning moment.
519
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,440
Je vous en prie!
Mes medicaments!
520
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,280
Oh, I don't know.
It's a bit advanced.
521
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:39,440
You got this.
522
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,560
Oh, my God. What did you do?
523
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,120
She's allergic to nuts.
Call an ambulance!
524
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,280
Mes medicaments!
525
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,440
M-Medicine? Oui.
526
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,280
Dans la poche
de mon sac a main!
527
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,400
What's she saying?
I don't know.
528
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,440
I started learning French
this morning.
529
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,960
Qu'est-ce que c'est la poche?
530
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,120
Oh, Garion.
531
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,720
Poche? Pocket?
532
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,520
Tres bien.
Mais ou est la poche?
533
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,200
C'est quoi, un sac a main?
534
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,440
Robin, you speak French?
535
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,200
Un moment, s'il vous plait.
Tell me what she's saying.
536
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,880
Sac a main. Robin!
537
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,840
Main sac... Handbag. The medicine's
in the pocket of her handbag!
538
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,760
Oui! The medicine's in the pocket
of her handbag.
539
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,440
OK. OK. Tres bien!
540
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,600
Good. Well done.
541
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,120
I found it.
542
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:16,680
Well done.
543
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,520
Thank you.
544
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,400
Don't thank me.
545
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:23,920
Merci, Sophie.
546
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,880
Merci. Merci beaucoup.
547
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,000
And she said...
Yeah. We've got it.
548
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,240
You're welcome.
549
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,440
I'm sorry again about the...
550
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,360
Je vous contacterai.
551
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,000
She said she will...
Be in touch, yeah.
552
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,640
Yes. Thank you.
553
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,480
Merci.
554
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,160
We'll see you.
555
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,080
Thanks, Robin.
Pas de probleme.
556
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,840
See? She loves us.
She does.
557
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,080
I think a little drink
might be in order.
558
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,640
Maybe a cocktail in the bar.
559
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,520
Well, yeah, it'll have to be
a lime and soda for me, sadly,
560
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,800
though I could murder
a White Russian.
561
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,680
Well done, Pat.
562
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,920
I wasn't sure about
this whole game show thing,
563
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,960
but d'you know what, it's been
a really welcome change.
564
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,040
Now, in my dream Bullseye hamper,
565
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,600
I would have
some thick pea soup,
566
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,480
spreadable turkey paste,
567
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,520
a tin of corned beef,
568
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,280
two cubes of meat broth...
36425
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