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1
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,160
Morning, guys.
2
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:56,800
Julian?
3
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,880
Robin?
4
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,560
Hmm.
5
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,920
Fanny?
6
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,840
They can't all just...
7
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,160
Mike! Oh, my...
8
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,440
It's the ghosts. What now?
9
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,120
I can't see them any more.
10
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,240
I...
11
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,800
I c-can't see them any more.
12
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,280
What do you mean?
13
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,440
My gift, it's...
14
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,320
It's gone.
I can't see ghosts any more.
15
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,600
April Fools!
16
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,160
Is she laughing?
17
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:13,880
Are you laughing?
18
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,000
I don't think she's laughing.
19
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,640
Ali? Are you OK?
20
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:45,920
Yeah, fine.
21
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,480
You?
22
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,320
Yeah. Yeah, you just seemed
a bit upset earlier.
23
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,160
No, no, no, no. All good.
24
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,800
Yeah? Yeah. OK.
25
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,200
Don't worry.
I'm going to have the last laugh.
26
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,560
Right. Cool. So, um, I've been
going over our finances,
27
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,960
and the spreadsheet's
not looking good.
28
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,960
Oh, God, no. OK, maybe if you,
like, right-align the columns
29
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,560
and then you put the headings
in bold, that will at least...
30
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,840
Obviously, I'm talking about
the numbers. OK. Hmm.
31
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,560
Without the income
from the gatehouse,
32
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,800
even with functions,
it's going to be tight. Mm-hm.
33
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,920
Mmm. The insurance from the fire
should get us back
34
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,760
on an even keel, but beyond that,
35
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,360
we're going to struggle
to stay in the green.
36
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,800
Black? What's the opposite of red?
Blue?
37
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,600
Stay in the blue? Stay in the b...
38
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,640
Are you even listening? Hmm?
39
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,240
This is important. Yeah. No, no, no.
40
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,120
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I know. I just...
41
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,640
Could we deal with this
this afternoon?
42
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,720
Just cos there's something I need to
focus on until, like, midday.
43
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,840
Mm. Is it playing
an April Fools' prank
44
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,520
on a bunch of dead people? Maybe?
45
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,160
It isn't not that.
46
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,640
Right, OK, well, the second
you get even with them,
47
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,320
I'm going to need your undivided...
48
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,520
Do we own a saw?
49
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,080
Oh, not you.
50
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,840
Oh...
51
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,360
It was yellow!
Oh, no.
52
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,840
The greenfinch IS yellow,
53
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,560
but not as yellow
as a yellow finch.
54
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,440
Oh, it's ridiculous.
Who do I write to?
55
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,600
Well...
56
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,120
That the best you can do?
57
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,200
Nice try! Better luck next month!
58
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,880
Oh, for the last time,
there is no May Fools' Day!
59
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,760
Ah! Impaled
by a fence post, was it?
60
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,800
Hmm? Oh, well, yeah.
I mean, that was the idea,
61
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,360
but probably a bit far-fetched.
62
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,720
Stranger things have happened.
63
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,080
I suppose so.
64
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,120
Hmm. Yeah, well...
65
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,240
It was worth a try.
66
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,640
So that's it, is it? Giving up?
67
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,080
Well, unless you have an idea?
68
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,280
Idea? No, no. No.
69
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,600
OK. Ideas?
70
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,160
You betcha.
71
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,600
I'm listening.
72
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,440
I just think maybe you put
all your eggs in one basket
73
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,400
when it might be easier,
74
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,040
dare I say more satisfying,
75
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,240
to pick them off one by one.
76
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,080
I mean, between us,
we know them all pretty well.
77
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,560
I'm sure we could work out
which buttons to press.
78
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,080
What's in it for you?
79
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,760
To that lot, I'm just a punch line.
80
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,240
A punchbag. A football.
81
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,880
Then there was that time
they stuck me up on that high shelf.
82
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,600
When was that? Tuesday. Ah...
83
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,760
Mmm. I just think that maybe we're
both due a little payback,
84
00:05:55,760 --> 00:06:00,880
and as I understand it,
until midday on this particular day,
85
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,040
anything goes.
86
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,120
Hmm. Hmm.
87
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,560
Right. Thomas.
88
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,560
Need a hand with the wording?
No. No, no.
89
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:10,960
I've got this one.
90
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,600
Start with the low-hanging fruit.
91
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,720
Oh! Talking of which - Kitty.
92
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,800
Hmm. Erm...
93
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,800
OK, OK. Here's an idea.
94
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,880
Now, it might be a bit complicated,
so just bear with me,
95
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,280
but what if we told her
there was a balloon...?
96
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,240
There's a balloon? Where?
97
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,920
No...
Everyone, there's a balloon!
98
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,520
Kitty, April Fo...
99
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,320
No. OK. No, she's gone.
100
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,160
Well, I guess that's one
off the list,
101
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,280
and we've three hours to go.
102
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,600
This is going to be easy!
103
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,760
OK.
104
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:47,080
"Meet me in the wood store
105
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,560
"at 10am."
106
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,560
Time to go and bait the trap.
107
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,440
Send him my love!
108
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:48,800
Alison!
109
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,680
Mr Cooper? That's right.
110
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280
Joy Kielty, Irish Friendly.
111
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,680
I'm Mike Cooper.
112
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,720
English. Also friendly.
113
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,120
No, I'm from Irish Friendly,
your insurance company.
114
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,800
You put a claim in for a fire
at your guesthouse.
115
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,880
Right. Sorry. We didn't know
you were coming... Alison!
116
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,120
No. Well, I'm a loss adjuster.
117
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,360
OK. And does our loss
need...adjusting?
118
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,560
It means...
119
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,760
Well, we don't use the term
investigator.
120
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,720
Our claim is being investigated?
121
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,000
We don't use that term.
122
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,280
But it is? Yes.
123
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,320
Why?
124
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,400
There are just a few details
that we need to verify
125
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,040
before we can pay out on the policy.
126
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,800
Oh, so it's, like,
just a routine thing?
127
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,560
Perhaps you could show me
the site of the incident?
128
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,720
Uh... Yeah, sure.
129
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,360
It's just, uh, this way, um...?
130
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,680
Joy.
131
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,440
Sure.
132
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,920
Look, it's perfectly simple.
133
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,680
The brown one is a blackbird.
134
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,440
The red and black one
is a goldfinch.
135
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,280
And the bluetit has a yellow chest.
136
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,520
Right. I'm just saying -
137
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,280
you know where you are
with a sparrow.
138
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,160
That's a dunnock. You what?!
139
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,400
OK. Now, try to remain calm,
everyone,
140
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,000
but there is a balloon,
possibly a number of balloons,
141
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,280
somewhere in this house.
142
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,440
And they might be
the float-to-the-ceiling kind,
143
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,720
so it's vital we find them
before they lose their magic.
144
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,200
Are you sure, Kitty?
It's nobody's birthday.
145
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,240
All I know is,
Alison said there's a balloon.
146
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,640
Perhaps a balloon animal.
And I know...
147
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,960
Come on, Kitty.
She's winding you up, love.
148
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,480
What?
149
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:22,520
Is May Fool.
150
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,880
April! April.
151
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,440
Yeah. She's pulling on your legs.
152
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:30,280
Most likely reprisal
for our antics this morning.
153
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,560
So she said there was a balloon,
154
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,400
but there actually wasn't a balloon?
155
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,640
Oh, that is so clever.
156
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,240
Oh, no.
157
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,920
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
158
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,600
What's up with Attenborough?
159
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,720
Well, can't you see?
She's picking us off like a sniper.
160
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,600
She may have got to Kitty first,
161
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,080
but she'll come for us all.
162
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,960
Oh, give over.
Just a harmless bit of fun.
163
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,120
Is it, Patrick? Is it?!
164
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,600
Or have we awoken a demon
hellbent on revenge?
165
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,000
We need to be on our guard,
166
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,960
keep our wits about us,
for the enemy is smart.
167
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,840
She is motivated.
168
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,280
We should expect tactics
of breathtaking subtlety
169
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,720
and sophistication.
170
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,480
Seriously? They found
a Stuka dive-bomber in the woods?
171
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,760
What? What?!
172
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,560
Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!
173
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,440
Clever girl.
174
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,040
And the fire was caused
by a fork of lightning?
175
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,120
Yeah.
176
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,440
Bizarre, eh?
177
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,680
But I suppose
you must see that a lot.
178
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:01,760
No.
179
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,880
And no-one was inside at the time?
180
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,040
No. Luckily. Hmm.
181
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,400
Most convenient.
182
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,640
So how did you know
it was lightning?
183
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,840
Oh, I... I saw it.
184
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,480
From inside the house?
185
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,760
No, no. I was...nearby.
186
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,960
Where?
187
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,240
Under a tree.
188
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,560
In a thunderstorm?
189
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,720
Well, I...
190
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,880
I thought it was a shower at first.
191
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,600
I was trying to stay dry. Hmm.
192
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,720
Then why not head inside?
193
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,360
Well, I couldn't leave the bear.
194
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,080
You got my note?
195
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,120
Indeed.
196
00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,320
I must confess, I was somewhat
taken aback by your candour.
197
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,160
I had begun to wonder
if you would ever see sense.
198
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,240
I think it was this morning -
199
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,320
fearing I might never see you again,
200
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,880
I suddenly realised
the depth of my feelings.
201
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,400
I can no longer deny the...
202
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,880
The frisson. The frisson. Exactly.
203
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,920
I knew you would succumb
to my charms
204
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,920
in the fullness of time.
205
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,280
And Michael will understand,
I'm sure of it.
206
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,200
A dear soul, certainly,
207
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,880
but not possessing
of the depths you require...
208
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,240
...desire.
209
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,880
Yeah.
210
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,360
Shall we?
211
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,000
Oh, no.
212
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,520
Oh, God.
213
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,720
Oh, God. I'm so sorry. No...
214
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,000
No, no, no. It's fine.
215
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,640
A love such as ours
shall face many challenges,
216
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,280
but where the heart is driven...
217
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,840
...the flesh shall find a way.
218
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,920
We can't even share a meal.
219
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,440
Or a hug.
220
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,160
Or a kiss.
221
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,040
Indeed.
222
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,840
Such interactions
are frustratingly limited.
223
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,600
Though I suppose there's...
There's always...
224
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,120
Oh! Erm... Um... Should we?
225
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,080
Things are moving so fast, I...
226
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,680
Oh, the angels in heaven!
227
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,880
April Fools!
228
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,080
I totally got you.
229
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,520
Oh, that is priceless!
230
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,560
I'm so amused right now,
231
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,200
because you would never... Never.
232
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,320
Never. Never. Never.
233
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,080
Ha-ha-haaaa...
234
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,880
She's a monster!
235
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,160
You too, eh? What did she do?
236
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,240
She...
237
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,000
We...
238
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,760
It doesn't matter what she did.
239
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,000
Know only that she is
Beelzebub incarnate!
240
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,680
Where are the others?
241
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,360
Lying low, if they have any sense.
242
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,680
They might be all right.
243
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,800
There's only two hours left
until midday.
244
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,200
Surely she can't get us all.
245
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,000
Ohh, I would put nothing past
that she-devil!
246
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,120
That callous, heartless...
247
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,840
..doe-eyed, soft-skinned...
248
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,880
Damn it!
249
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,560
So, who do we think
she'll try to fool next?
250
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,200
Well, if she's thinking tactically,
251
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,480
she'd be best advised
to pick off the softest target.
252
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,280
Someone easily duped,
253
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:37,280
guileless, gullible,
open-hearted to a fault.
254
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,320
Oh, come on! They can't
seriously ban Scotch eggs.
255
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,400
I wouldn't be certain
about the veracity
256
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,160
of that news story, Alison.
257
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,120
Sounds a little implausible to me.
258
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,040
If I were you, I'd cross-check
it with multiple news sources
259
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,120
across the political spectrum.
260
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,440
I'd hate for you to have the
wool pulled over your eyes. OK?
261
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,000
Thanks. Yeah. Thanks.
262
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,080
She's trying, God love her,
but talk about amateur hour!
263
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,440
Yeah?
264
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,920
Ooh...
265
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,320
So, the argument was
about the bear?
266
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,840
Yeah. He wasn't allowed in
the house. Why not?
267
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,520
He never wiped his feet.
268
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,040
It was a disagreement over taste.
269
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,720
My wife wasn't keen on him,
270
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,600
so I was taking him to live up here.
271
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,000
And can I see this bear?
272
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,280
Erm, no.
273
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,920
He was also destroyed, sadly.
274
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,280
In the fire?
275
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,120
Erm, no. A tree fell on him.
276
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,240
A tree?
277
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,800
Yeah. Struck by lightning.
278
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,080
I thought you said
the lightning struck the roof.
279
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,160
Different lightning.
280
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,040
So you're saying your property
was struck by lightning twice?
281
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,120
Yeah.
282
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,360
No, three times.
The other one hit...
283
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,480
Nobody.
284
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,520
Nothing. The ground.
285
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,720
Sounds insane
when you say it out loud.
286
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,920
You should see it written down.
287
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,880
What do you mean? What I say.
288
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,320
He didn't fall for it.
289
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,120
And you definitely said Scotch egg?
290
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,480
Of course I said Scotch egg!
291
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,560
God...
292
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,760
I could murder a Scotch egg.
293
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080
Well, the way I see it,
you've got two options.
294
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,280
Mm-hm. You could just call it a day,
let bygones be bygones
295
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:28,000
and forget all about
this silly revenge business, or...
296
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,200
..you double down.
297
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840
No more Mrs Nice Alison.
298
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,200
Pull off the kid gloves
299
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,560
and show them exactly
who they're messing with.
300
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,280
Or, you know, neither.
301
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,440
Yeah. Whatever. Yeah.
302
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,200
But it just doesn't make any sense.
303
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,400
What, because Pat saw through
her ruse and you didn't?
304
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,320
Well, yes, frankly.
305
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,400
I mean, if you look up
gullible in the dictionary,
306
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,200
there's a picture of Pat's face.
307
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,600
Is there?
308
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,480
No, Katherine. No.
309
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,000
Unless she didn't prank him at all.
310
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,320
Perhaps he's pranking us
by pretending she pranked him
311
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,120
because we pranked her
for pranking... No, hang on.
312
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,400
Face it.
313
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,680
We have no idea who
she'll get next. Or how. Or who.
314
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,560
Hmm. Maybe you're right.
315
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,720
Though I think we can all guess who
will be the last of us to fall.
316
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,480
Deceitful, cynical, underhand,
317
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,040
and, lest we forget...
318
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,280
...morally bankrupt.
319
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,560
Exactly.
320
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,360
If seven public inquiries
321
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,560
couldn't trip the man up,
what on earth can?
322
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,560
Hello!
323
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,080
Ooh.
324
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,200
Oh, damn and blast!
325
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,680
Well, well, well.
326
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,040
Look who's here.
327
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,480
There is no weakness
she will not exploit!
328
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,200
That was below the belt -
and not in a fun way.
329
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,160
Wait a minute. Where's Pat?
330
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,880
Still at large.
331
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,080
Ah! Talk about insult to injury!
332
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,000
Pat?
333
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,720
Alison.
334
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,560
I'm sorry, you know, for...
For everything earlier.
335
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:22,920
The Scotch egg thing.
336
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,160
I don't know what you mean, Alison.
337
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,240
Sure. OK. I just...
338
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,400
I was a bit angry, you know,
about this morning,
339
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,240
but I don't want
to fall out over it. I just...
340
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,640
It's water under the bridge now.
341
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,840
It's basically...
342
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,840
Oh, my God. No! Oh, God!
Oh, my finger! Pat! Pat!
343
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,280
Argh! Ouch!
344
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,280
Alison, I took whole packs
of ten-year-old boys away camping
345
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,960
every year for a decade.
346
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,200
Do you really think there's
a practical joke known to man
347
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,080
that hasn't been pulled on me?
348
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,480
Itching powder in the underpants.
349
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,080
Potato in the exhaust pipe.
350
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,440
Hand in a bowl of water
so you wet the bed.
351
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,520
Been there, done it,
and got the T-shirt made.
352
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,320
So you'd best save your energy,
Alison,
353
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,680
because I'm bulletproof, me.
354
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:11,960
And, you?
355
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,960
You're there, mate.
356
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,240
Jesus.
357
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,120
So you were here when
lightning struck the property?
358
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,800
Yeah. We kissed here and then...
You kissed?
359
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,840
Yep.
360
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,080
The bear?
361
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,400
No. No, my...my wife.
I was no longer with the bear.
362
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,480
Not romantically. We split up.
363
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,840
I'd left him. It.
364
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,320
I left it under the tree.
365
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,880
But you said your wife
was back in the main house.
366
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,000
Yeah, she was. She came out
when the storm got bad.
367
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,320
So, as the lightning got worse,
368
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,160
your wife also came out into it?
369
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,680
Yes.
370
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:02,320
She came to warn me because she saw
the first bolt hit the cave...
371
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,480
Caved in...bit of lawn.
372
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,800
There. Actually not there.
373
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,280
More over there. More over there.
374
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,640
Can I speak to your wife?
375
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,600
Oh! New chapter.
376
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,880
Hmm. Hmm.
377
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,640
Hmm. Hmm?
378
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:27,680
Hmm...
379
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,880
Hmm-mm...
380
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,800
The girth of his what?!
381
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,760
Oh, the depravity! Alis...
382
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,760
I'm not sure what to be
more disappointed by -
383
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,040
the obscene nature
of your attempted deception
384
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,280
or the sloppiness of its execution.
385
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,400
I'm no fool, Alison,
April or otherwise.
386
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,480
OK. Sorry. Yeah.
387
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,880
I just thought it was a little
bit of fun, that's all.
388
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,160
What on earth is that?
389
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,400
It's a tattoo.
390
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,680
Another one?
391
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,280
Two tattoos?
392
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,440
That scribble on your ankle
was common enough.
393
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,600
But this! This!
394
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,920
It's been there, like, a month.
I thought you'd seen it.
395
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,280
If I'd have seen it, young lady,
you'd have known about it.
396
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,360
My own kith and kin
branded like some lowly navvy,
397
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,960
painted like a tawdry Jezebel!
398
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,160
Times have changed.
You're still a Button.
399
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,680
No, I'm a Cooper, and I fancied
some fresh ink, so I got them.
400
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,520
Them? Plural?
401
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,320
Yeah. The big one's on this arm.
402
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,000
What?!
403
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,160
Your face!
404
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,240
Yes!
405
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,240
Yes, I suppose you think
that's funny, do you?
406
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,440
I do. I absolutely do.
407
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,960
But you don't need to worry,
because it's felt tip,
408
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,480
so it rubs right off.
409
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,000
OK.
410
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,040
Just...
411
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,320
Ah, OK. You might have
to live with that
412
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,680
for about a week or so.
413
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,120
Oh! Ugh!
414
00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,680
Hook, line and sinker!
415
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,760
Told you! OK.
416
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,920
Five down, two to go.
417
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,320
I've had this idea for Pat,
but I don't know.
418
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,640
It might be going a bit far.
Hey, hey, hey!
419
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,560
He's the one who upped the ante.
420
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,920
He's brought it on himself.
421
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,600
Yeah, you're right. OK.
422
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,200
Well, then, that just leaves Robin,
423
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,200
and I've got no ideas
and not much time, so...
424
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,800
Don't you worry about Robin.
425
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,600
I'll take care of him.
426
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,400
Ooh. Yeah, sure.
427
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,960
What are you thinking?
428
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,240
Well...
429
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,280
Oh, my God. Ow!
430
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,000
Perfect.
431
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,080
Hello, Robin.
432
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,520
Oh...
433
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,160
Ehhh!
434
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,320
Oh, no.
435
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:48,720
He's back.
436
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,040
Ehhh...
437
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,840
Oh. Not bear.
438
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,960
Just little badger.
439
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,320
Who are you calling little?
440
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,040
Hang on.
441
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,720
Badgers not talk.
442
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,840
They do when they're angry enough.
443
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,160
Angry? That's right.
444
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,560
Rumour has it
that someone around here
445
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,840
ate an awful lot of my ancestors.
446
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:17,720
No, no. We...
447
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,320
Well, not often.
448
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,720
You too small.
449
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,880
See, we prefer, er,
a mammoth or a deer,
450
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,840
or, on very special occasion,
a wild dog.
451
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,480
I knew it!
452
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,760
April Fool!
453
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,800
Damn you, Cooper! Yes! I got him.
454
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,760
I got him. I got him.
Yeah, yeah. Well done.
455
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,640
Very much still inside a badger.
456
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,800
Oh, yeah.
457
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,920
And I thought these things
smelled bad on the outside.
458
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,840
I've only got 25 minutes
left to get Pat.
459
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,760
Well, don't just stand there. Go on!
460
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,840
Keep me posted, yeah?
461
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,240
Well, she was running
462
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,720
from the direction of
the house, so I assumed that...
463
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,880
But you didn't see her IN the house?
464
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,720
Well, no, I was under the tree.
465
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,600
Yes, but I'm just trying
to ascertain
466
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,880
where exactly your wife was
when the fire broke out.
467
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,480
Oh. OK.
468
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,680
I see what you're getting at.
469
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,000
Well, I can assure you
470
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,240
that my wife isn't just going
around setting fire...
471
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,480
Mrs Cooper?
472
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,080
Sh.
473
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,960
Alison, this is Joy Guilty Kielty -
474
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,520
from the insurance company.
475
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,560
About the fire.
476
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,800
Hi. I'm Alison. So nice to meet you.
477
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,320
Oh, God. Sorry.
I think I stood up too quick.
478
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,760
Um... This is a practical joke.
479
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,640
An April Fools thing for one of
the...living people who live here.
480
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,040
Oh, but your policy document
says that you are
481
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,480
the only two occupants.
482
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,160
We are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
483
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,840
I meant a friend.
484
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,080
We have a house guest staying,
so I'm...
485
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,040
Pretending the house is on fire?
486
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,040
Well... Yeah.
487
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,560
Yeah. Well, I thought,
you know, a warm welcome.
488
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,360
Could you just excuse me
for one second?
489
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,600
Sorry. Sick in a bush.
490
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,760
I think it must be the... Nerves?
491
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,040
..fumes.
492
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,200
So, any other questions?
493
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,640
No. I think I've seen
everything I need to.
494
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,680
Sorry.
495
00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,960
Obviously, I know
how that looks and, well,
496
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,400
how all of it looks,
but I promise you,
497
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,200
everything that I have told you
is 100% the truth,
498
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,880
and I'm begging you...
499
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,200
Well, actually not beg.
500
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,200
No, I would totally beg
if that helps,
501
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,360
cos we really need this and I...
502
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,600
Mr Cooper, I'm going to recommend
that we approve your claim
503
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,560
and pay out on the policy in full.
504
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,080
What?
505
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,560
Seriously?
506
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,920
I've met a lot of fraudsters
in my time, Mr Cooper,
507
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,600
and I can assure you no genuine
criminal would ever come up
508
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,840
with a story as patently
ridiculous as that one.
509
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,200
Stuff that absurd
only ever happens in real life.
510
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,760
This is a great mixture
511
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,000
of flavours and textures
to combine to make
512
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,680
an extravagant plate of beef.
513
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:42,920
The amount of beef...
514
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,200
Um, Mike...
515
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,800
Hey. Where have you been?
516
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,240
Oh, well... Did you see the email?
517
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,880
All confirmed.
They're paying out on the policy.
518
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,280
So that'll bring us back
to, uh, zero.
519
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,760
So, yay! No money.
520
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,040
Yeah. Yeah.
521
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,240
Can I have a word with you
in private?
522
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,760
In pri...? Is there a ghost in here?
523
00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,400
You OK?
524
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:11,680
Yeah.
525
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,000
I think so.
526
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,320
Uh...
527
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:19,160
Now, I felt a bit emotional
and then hungry and then not.
528
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,400
And then a bit faint
and then a bit sick.
529
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,360
And... Well, I did a test and, um...
530
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,520
..I'm pregnant.
531
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,880
As if!
532
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,160
I mean, the prop's a nice touch,
533
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,520
but your stooge here
is as wooden as anything, love.
534
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,240
Pat... And nobody just...
535
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,680
It's after midday.
536
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,040
Oh, my God. You're pregnant!
537
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,480
What? What?! Really?
538
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,000
We're having a baby?
539
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,280
We're having a baby!
540
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,520
Wonderful news.
541
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,600
That's wonderful.
542
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,440
Did we get him?
34844
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