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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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One...
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Two...
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Four...
5
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,185
Five...
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00:00:16,186 --> 00:00:17,379
Six...
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Seven...
8
00:00:18,569 --> 00:00:19,380
Eight...
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00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:20,157
Nine...
10
00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:22,018
Ten!
11
00:00:22,019 --> 00:00:25,912
Okay, I'll turn on the
TV. You make us a pizza.
12
00:00:25,913 --> 00:00:28,979
- But the kids are hiding.
- So?
13
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,950
As their babysitters,
we're supposed to seek.
14
00:00:32,951 --> 00:00:36,491
Yeah, we're not doing that.
15
00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:38,755
Sam! I got a big problem!
16
00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:41,017
- Cat, I got a big problem.
- What?
17
00:00:41,018 --> 00:00:43,927
Dice has a big problem and
I don't wanna hear about it.
18
00:00:43,928 --> 00:00:47,660
Oh Sam, you're so funny and insensitive.
19
00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:50,574
Come on, you guys, this is major!
20
00:00:50,575 --> 00:00:52,915
Mm, okay...
21
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:55,695
- How old are you?
- Twelve.
22
00:00:55,696 --> 00:00:57,364
Uh-oh.
23
00:00:57,365 --> 00:00:59,677
I got this.
24
00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,873
You see, Dice, at your age,
25
00:01:01,874 --> 00:01:07,774
it's normal for boys to start noticing
new and wonderful changes to their armpits.
26
00:01:08,754 --> 00:01:09,887
Sam.
27
00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:11,289
Dice, what's the problem?
28
00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:13,858
Goomer's mom is coming to visit!
29
00:01:13,859 --> 00:01:17,608
Oh no! Cat, quick! We better
grab our heads and scream!
30
00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:18,845
Ah!
31
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,646
Ah!
32
00:01:21,293 --> 00:01:24,102
Okay. You guys wanna make
jokes and not help me?
33
00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:26,934
I'll just leave then.
34
00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:29,874
Alright, I'm back, please help me!
35
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:33,955
Aw, come here ya little wiener bun.
36
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,850
Hey. Why's it such a big deal
that Goomer's mom is coming?
37
00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:39,777
Because his mom hates fighting,
38
00:01:39,778 --> 00:01:43,021
and Goomer's never told her that
he's a professional MMA fighter!
39
00:01:43,022 --> 00:01:45,490
So? Why does he care
what his "Mommy" thinks?
40
00:01:45,491 --> 00:01:48,881
You don't understand. Goomer's
not gonna stand up to his mother.
41
00:01:48,882 --> 00:01:50,996
And if she finds out he's a fighter,
42
00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:53,942
she'll probably make him
move back home to Louisiana.
43
00:01:53,943 --> 00:01:55,251
Louisiana?
44
00:01:55,252 --> 00:01:59,132
I went to camp with a girl named Louise.
45
00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:02,373
She pooped in the lake.
46
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:05,558
She tried to blame it on a fish.
47
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,959
But I knew.
48
00:02:10,082 --> 00:02:13,642
- Aw...
- Oh, kid, why ya getting so upset?
49
00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:17,328
Because I'm Goomer's manager.
And if he moves away...
50
00:02:17,329 --> 00:02:19,174
Ya know...
51
00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:21,367
I could lose a lot of money.
52
00:02:21,368 --> 00:02:22,998
Hmm.
53
00:02:22,999 --> 00:02:25,902
Ya sure it's just about the money?
54
00:02:25,903 --> 00:02:30,565
Maybe you're scared of Goomer moving
away because he's your best friend?
55
00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:32,404
I don't...
56
00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:34,220
I just...
57
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,841
She pooped in a lake?
58
00:02:36,842 --> 00:02:39,710
Hey, listen, don't sweat this.
We'll help ya figure out something.
59
00:02:39,711 --> 00:02:41,246
- Really?
- Sure we will.
60
00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:43,852
Hey! My sister and I are still hiding.
61
00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:45,587
And we're still counting.
62
00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:46,845
Eight...
63
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:48,058
Nine...
64
00:02:48,059 --> 00:02:49,354
Ten!
65
00:02:49,355 --> 00:02:54,215
- I'll turn on the TV.
- I'll make a pizza.
66
00:02:55,945 --> 00:02:57,961
♪ I'm never that far.
67
00:02:57,962 --> 00:03:00,428
♪ No matter where you are.
68
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:04,238
♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.
69
00:03:04,239 --> 00:03:07,086
♪ And I, I, I, I...
70
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,852
♪ I'll never say, never.
71
00:03:09,853 --> 00:03:13,989
♪ As long as we keep it together.
72
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,514
♪ Oh!
73
00:03:15,515 --> 00:03:19,300
♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.
74
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:22,262
♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.
75
00:03:22,263 --> 00:03:23,293
♪ Just fine.
76
00:03:23,294 --> 00:03:27,854
♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.
77
00:03:27,911 --> 00:03:30,011
♪ Oh.
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00:03:31,476 --> 00:03:33,276
Ow.
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00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:35,836
Ow. Ow.
80
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:40,017
Come on, Goomer, ya gotta try.
81
00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:42,067
Kay-kay.
82
00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:43,928
Ooh!
83
00:03:43,953 --> 00:03:45,356
Ow.
84
00:03:45,357 --> 00:03:47,319
Come on Goomer, let's go, get up!
85
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,100
Nah, I'll just rest down here.
86
00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:54,263
Ah, ya pile a'dope.
87
00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:56,467
There he is.
88
00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:58,736
Hey, what you doing on the floor?
89
00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:02,240
I'm worried about my mom coming.
90
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:04,408
Well, don't be. We're gonna help you.
91
00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:06,467
- You are?
- Yeah, man.
92
00:04:06,468 --> 00:04:09,380
Now your mom has no idea
that you're a fighter?
93
00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:12,950
Nuh-uh. I told her that
I have a different job.
94
00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:14,218
Oh, well great!
95
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:17,484
We'll just help you pretend you have
whatever job it is you told her you have.
96
00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:18,999
What job did you tell her you have?
97
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,951
I said I was a high
school history teacher.
98
00:04:21,952 --> 00:04:24,695
- Ah.
- Oh my God, Goomer.
99
00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:27,598
- Well, good luck people.
- No no no, Sam, don't go.
100
00:04:27,599 --> 00:04:28,766
Come on!
101
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:32,136
How the spank are we gonna make anyone
believe he's a high school teacher?
102
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,505
We can do it. When
does your mom get here?
103
00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:37,474
Tomorrow. I told her to meet me at Bots.
104
00:04:37,475 --> 00:04:38,575
Why at a restaurant?
105
00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:42,146
Because she's always happiest
when she's holding a sandwich.
106
00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:46,017
Ooh, well we could be there
and pretend to be his students!
107
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:48,104
Listen...
108
00:04:48,105 --> 00:04:52,065
Sometimes you get too enthusiastic.
109
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,444
- What time at Bots tomorrow?
- Four.
110
00:04:54,445 --> 00:04:55,692
We'll be there.
111
00:04:55,693 --> 00:04:57,929
- Ah, I can't.
- Why not?
112
00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:02,670
Because my weird Aunt Ferjeen fell off
a horse and fractured both of her arms!
113
00:05:02,671 --> 00:05:05,036
And I gotta feed her at four.
114
00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:07,038
Ah, it's all right. We got this for ya.
115
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:10,808
Yep. Just trust Valentine and Puckle.
116
00:05:10,809 --> 00:05:12,576
It's Puckett.
117
00:05:12,577 --> 00:05:14,345
You told me it was Puckle.
118
00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:18,546
I said Puckett. I always say Puckett.
119
00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,185
I thought it was Pickle.
120
00:05:21,186 --> 00:05:22,879
Who would name me Sam Pickle?!
121
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,720
- Mister and Mrs. Pickle.
- Bye!
122
00:05:31,496 --> 00:05:34,256
I'm scooting by!
123
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,734
Hello. How are your foods?
124
00:05:37,735 --> 00:05:39,503
My foods are good.
125
00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:40,771
Not mine.
126
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:44,641
My hamburger keeps using
inappropriate language.
127
00:05:44,642 --> 00:05:46,310
I don't understand.
128
00:05:46,311 --> 00:05:48,312
Oh, she was just joking.
129
00:05:48,313 --> 00:05:51,482
Choking! Choking! Choking!
130
00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:55,683
- Ah! No!
- Choking! Choking! Choking!
131
00:05:57,826 --> 00:06:00,526
Enjoy your meal.
132
00:06:02,331 --> 00:06:03,961
Why didn't you do anything?
133
00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:06,962
I was getting video!
134
00:06:11,436 --> 00:06:13,570
Oh, hey, here's Goomer.
135
00:06:13,571 --> 00:06:16,240
Hey y'all. How do I look?
136
00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:17,590
- Good.
- Stiff.
137
00:06:17,591 --> 00:06:19,477
Thanks.
138
00:06:19,478 --> 00:06:21,845
Oh, man. My mom'll be here any minute.
139
00:06:21,846 --> 00:06:25,082
Don't worry about it. Just go sit over
there and wait for her to get here.
140
00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:27,055
And once you've talked
to her for a few minutes,
141
00:06:27,056 --> 00:06:28,975
we'll come over and
pretend to be your students.
142
00:06:28,976 --> 00:06:30,921
Oh, 'kay-kay.
143
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:34,446
Uh, whoa whoa! Uh, what
do we call your mom?
144
00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:36,160
Oh yeah what's her last name?
145
00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:39,101
Same as mine. Merr.
146
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:42,345
So just call her "Ms. Merr".
147
00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:45,236
Wait. Your last name is Merr?
148
00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:46,273
Yeah.
149
00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:50,807
My Daddy was French, so
my first name is Gieux.
150
00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:53,277
And my last name is Merr.
151
00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,478
See?
152
00:06:54,479 --> 00:06:56,819
Gieux Merr.
153
00:06:58,616 --> 00:06:59,821
Gieux?
154
00:06:59,822 --> 00:07:01,585
Merr.
155
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:06,806
Like what those three wise
guys brought baby Jesus.
156
00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:11,908
Momma!
157
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:13,230
Momma!
158
00:07:13,231 --> 00:07:15,290
- Mom, over here!
- Oh, Gieux!
159
00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:16,430
Oh momma.
160
00:07:16,431 --> 00:07:18,035
Oh momma.
161
00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:21,785
That is not how I pictured her.
162
00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:24,443
Yeah, I thought she'd be taller.
163
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,009
So tell me...
164
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,312
How was school today?
165
00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:29,625
What school?
166
00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:31,315
The school where you teach.
167
00:07:31,316 --> 00:07:32,616
The school where I...
168
00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:35,252
Oh. Oh, that school.
169
00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:39,117
Yeah, I sure am a
teacher at a high school.
170
00:07:39,118 --> 00:07:40,346
- Hey.
- Hi.
171
00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:42,447
Oh, hi.
172
00:07:42,482 --> 00:07:44,183
Gieux... are these students of yours?
173
00:07:44,184 --> 00:07:46,524
Uh, y-yes.
174
00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:50,858
Uh. That's Sam, and this is Cat.
175
00:07:51,536 --> 00:07:54,171
They're girls...
176
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,807
And who's this pretty
lady you're sitting with?
177
00:07:56,808 --> 00:08:01,788
Did you meet her on
Scrumptious Ladies dot com?
178
00:08:02,211 --> 00:08:05,031
That's just sick.
179
00:08:05,954 --> 00:08:08,986
This isn't your mother, is it?
180
00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:11,270
Well, yes I am.
181
00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,371
You want us to sit?
182
00:08:13,372 --> 00:08:15,532
On what?
183
00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:20,527
Oh, Mister Merr...
184
00:08:20,528 --> 00:08:23,648
Always with the jokes.
185
00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:28,964
Shove over, lady.
186
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,312
So uh...
187
00:08:36,313 --> 00:08:37,413
Just a hunch...
188
00:08:37,414 --> 00:08:39,636
Did you adopt Goomer?
189
00:08:39,637 --> 00:08:41,386
I sure did.
190
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:44,955
I always wanted an extra-large baby.
191
00:08:44,956 --> 00:08:47,958
So I went to the big
and tall adoption agency.
192
00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:50,794
Aw, and that's when you
found your little Goomer?
193
00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,129
No no.
194
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:57,474
My first choice was another baby boy,
but they wouldn't let me have him.
195
00:08:57,475 --> 00:08:59,708
Uh, so Goomer was your second choice.
196
00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:01,200
Uh-uh.
197
00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:06,343
No, after I didn't get the baby I
wanted, I just decided to get a dog.
198
00:09:06,344 --> 00:09:07,270
- Ah.
- Oh.
199
00:09:07,271 --> 00:09:09,949
- Huh.
- But then the dog ran away!
200
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,686
So I went back to the adoption agency...
201
00:09:12,687 --> 00:09:17,187
And that's when I found my little Gieux.
202
00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:21,793
I bet I was a cute baby, huh?
203
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,894
I wish.
204
00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:29,300
Well, anyway, your son is such a
great high school history teacher.
205
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:31,735
Yes, we learn so much.
206
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:32,758
Oh!
207
00:09:32,759 --> 00:09:36,539
Aw, that just butters my heart.
208
00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:38,773
What are you all studying
in school right now?
209
00:09:38,774 --> 00:09:40,453
Uh...
210
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:44,515
Uh, ahem, why don't I let
one of my students tell you?
211
00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:47,050
- Cat?
- Pass.
212
00:09:47,051 --> 00:09:49,792
Sam, it's to you.
213
00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:51,528
Uh...
214
00:09:51,529 --> 00:09:55,273
He is teaching us about the American...
215
00:09:55,274 --> 00:09:56,793
War!
216
00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:58,462
And the declaration of...
217
00:09:58,463 --> 00:10:01,138
Abraham Lincoln and then,
of course the great...
218
00:10:01,139 --> 00:10:03,534
Depression, at Pearl Harbor...
219
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:06,295
Where Noah rolled...
220
00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:09,236
Up his flaming ark.
221
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:12,186
God bless America.
222
00:10:12,187 --> 00:10:13,852
Well...
223
00:10:13,853 --> 00:10:17,573
I'm just so proud of my son.
224
00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:20,117
Hey, can I ask you girls a favor?
225
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,399
- Sure.
- Maybe.
226
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,955
It's just... I've never seen
Gieux teach a class before.
227
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:29,889
Could you send me a video of him
in your classroom, doing his thing?
228
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:30,709
Uh...
229
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:31,800
Wait! Since you're in town,
230
00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:37,701
why don't you just come watch
him teach a class in person?!
231
00:10:39,404 --> 00:10:40,804
Oh!
232
00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:44,687
Now my mom's gonna find out I'm not
really a high school history teacher,
233
00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:50,588
and she's gonna make me move back to
Louisiana and work at the crawdad factory.
234
00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:54,351
- What are we gonna do?
- I have an idea.
235
00:10:54,352 --> 00:10:57,655
Oh, lemme guess... does
it involve mermaids?
236
00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,596
And a magical boat?
237
00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,977
Fine, just forget it.
238
00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:16,978
Aw man, now Goomer's crying.
239
00:11:16,979 --> 00:11:19,347
Come on, Gooms. Don't cry.
240
00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:20,949
That's your favorite ice cream.
241
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:23,151
I can't help it.
242
00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:27,052
Like I said a few minutes ago...
243
00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:31,904
My mom is gonna find out I'm not
really a high school history teacher,
244
00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:35,371
and then she's gonna make
me move back to Louisiana!
245
00:11:35,372 --> 00:11:39,212
And work at the crawdad factory.
246
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:44,072
I feel like I've ruined Goomer's life.
247
00:11:44,073 --> 00:11:48,209
No. You've just ruined
the rest of his life.
248
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:51,208
Come on Sam, you're smart and
sneaky! Think of something!
249
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:53,247
I did. See?
250
00:11:53,248 --> 00:11:56,117
Peanut butter on a hot dog.
251
00:11:56,118 --> 00:11:59,538
I call it P.B. and Ween.
252
00:11:59,555 --> 00:12:01,222
How's it taste?
253
00:12:01,223 --> 00:12:03,503
Like butt.
254
00:12:04,894 --> 00:12:07,360
Come on. We gotta think
of some way to fix this.
255
00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:09,330
Some things never get fixed.
256
00:12:09,331 --> 00:12:11,998
Like my brother's itches.
257
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:15,029
Everything can be
fixed! You guys watch TV.
258
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,872
All problems can be
solved in a half-hour.
259
00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:19,708
But this is real life.
260
00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:22,297
Yeah. Not every bad
situation gets fixed by some
261
00:12:22,298 --> 00:12:24,545
wacky character coming
up with a "genius plan".
262
00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:25,346
I got it.
263
00:12:25,347 --> 00:12:27,215
- What?
- What you got?
264
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:28,583
Whatcha got?
265
00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:31,601
Okay! All we have to do
is find a real teacher,
266
00:12:31,602 --> 00:12:33,768
who will let us use his
classroom for a little while.
267
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:38,359
And then Goomer can pretend to be a
teacher just long enough to fool his mom!
268
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,360
That won't work!
269
00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:42,563
No real teacher is gonna let
us take over his classroom.
270
00:12:42,564 --> 00:12:45,624
No real sane teacher.
271
00:12:54,828 --> 00:13:00,108
You'll see where I'm going
with this in a second.
272
00:13:03,271 --> 00:13:06,310
It's time to begin an exercise called...
273
00:13:06,311 --> 00:13:09,124
"Backwards... acting".
274
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,259
- Now you see, anyone...
- Sikowitz!
275
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,162
Cat, you're very late!
Class is almost over.
276
00:13:14,163 --> 00:13:16,154
This is more important than class.
277
00:13:16,155 --> 00:13:21,169
More important than teaching
young people "backwards acting?"
278
00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:23,905
Why are you dressed like a clown?
279
00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:25,339
Who is that girl?
280
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:27,320
She's my friend and roommate, Sam.
281
00:13:27,321 --> 00:13:29,254
Well, she's not allowed to be in...
282
00:13:29,255 --> 00:13:31,895
Ah, farm-sauce.
283
00:13:32,949 --> 00:13:35,468
- Class dismissed.
- Bye.
284
00:13:35,469 --> 00:13:38,987
Now what's all the hissy-fuss?
285
00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:41,709
You don't have a class in
here after lunch, do you?
286
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:42,991
Why?
287
00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:45,559
We need to use this classroom.
288
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,263
You strike me as pushy.
289
00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:49,898
She can be pushy.
290
00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:52,996
I can also be punchy and kicky.
291
00:13:52,997 --> 00:13:55,636
Can we please use your
classroom after lunch?
292
00:13:55,637 --> 00:13:57,338
For what?
293
00:13:57,339 --> 00:13:58,795
- Charity.
- What charity?
294
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,062
- Uh...
- The Salvation Goomers!
295
00:14:01,063 --> 00:14:03,211
Yes, them.
296
00:14:03,212 --> 00:14:05,880
What does this charity do?
297
00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:08,049
They help teachers grow hair.
298
00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:11,170
My classroom is yours.
299
00:14:16,058 --> 00:14:19,127
Okay! This is your classroom.
300
00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:22,230
- My classroom?
- Yeah.
301
00:14:22,231 --> 00:14:25,455
And you better be a good teacher, or
else you're gonna be back in Louisiana
302
00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:28,736
working in a crawdad factory.
303
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:31,505
Where's Dice?! You said
he was gonna be here.
304
00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:32,640
He's coming.
305
00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,721
When? What's taking so long?
306
00:14:34,722 --> 00:14:35,677
He's only twelve.
307
00:14:35,678 --> 00:14:38,649
Cat had to dress him up so he'll look
like a regular high school student.
308
00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:40,750
Uh-huh.
309
00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:44,986
Now, here are the cards that Cat
and I wrote up for you to use.
310
00:14:44,987 --> 00:14:48,223
They have enough facts about
history to get you through one class.
311
00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:52,604
Hey. Who's ready to meet teenage Dice?!
312
00:14:56,277 --> 00:14:58,333
What'd you do to him?
313
00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:02,470
I put him in teenage clothes, teenage
glasses, and a teenage headband.
314
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:04,805
He looks like a fuzzy hippie.
315
00:15:04,806 --> 00:15:06,901
Well, Dice loves it, don't ya?
316
00:15:06,902 --> 00:15:11,479
No, and why'd you give
me so much pit hair?
317
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,255
Why'd you give him any pit hair?
318
00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:18,396
Because teenage boys grow this stuff!
319
00:15:20,821 --> 00:15:23,419
Ooh look! The shruggers are here.
320
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:27,301
Okay, everybody go sit in the back and just
pretend like it's a normal history class.
321
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:31,458
Yeah, uh don't raise your hands
or say anything. Just react.
322
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:37,359
- Am I allowed to raise my hand?
- No. Keep that shrub outta sight.
323
00:15:41,546 --> 00:15:42,836
Uh...
324
00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:45,971
Oh. Guess what, children...
325
00:15:45,972 --> 00:15:50,518
Today, we have a very special guest
here to watch me teach you all.
326
00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:53,087
Please welcome, my momma...
327
00:15:53,088 --> 00:15:55,308
Ms. Merr.
328
00:15:58,693 --> 00:16:01,513
Okay, settle down.
329
00:16:06,936 --> 00:16:12,836
Hey brothah, why don't you lay
some groovy, far out history on us?
330
00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:17,778
Well, how am I supposed to talk?!
331
00:16:17,779 --> 00:16:20,815
Hmm. Perhaps we're out of time.
332
00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:23,463
- No, we're not.
- Read the cards!
333
00:16:23,464 --> 00:16:24,460
Sam.
334
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:27,388
Oh yeah. The... the cards...
335
00:16:27,389 --> 00:16:31,109
Are all his classes like this?
336
00:16:31,126 --> 00:16:33,383
Oh, you just gonna shrug?
337
00:16:33,384 --> 00:16:35,792
Now on these cards...
338
00:16:35,793 --> 00:16:38,861
Are some history things
that I'm gonna teach y'all...
339
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,262
Today. So...
340
00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:44,122
There... there's nothing...
341
00:16:44,123 --> 00:16:46,307
They're all blank!
342
00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:47,608
Turn 'em over.
343
00:16:47,609 --> 00:16:48,709
What?
344
00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:52,070
Like turn them over, man.
345
00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:54,381
Oh.
346
00:16:56,059 --> 00:16:58,782
Uh, let me see here, uh...
347
00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:01,183
Uh, first...
348
00:17:01,402 --> 00:17:04,218
Oh no! These are written
in a foreign language.
349
00:17:04,219 --> 00:17:06,027
Ahem! They're upside down.
350
00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:09,464
- I can't read a word.
- They're upside down, man.
351
00:17:09,465 --> 00:17:10,598
What'd ya say?
352
00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:14,739
What crawdad factory would hire you?!
353
00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:17,873
All right! I went on
to Charityosity dot com!
354
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:22,073
And there is no mention of a
charity called the Salvation Goomers.
355
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,874
Ah!
356
00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:27,729
What kind of a clown class is this?
357
00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:29,183
Gieux?
358
00:17:29,184 --> 00:17:31,486
I'm sorry momma.
359
00:17:31,487 --> 00:17:33,821
I'm... I'm not a teacher.
360
00:17:33,822 --> 00:17:35,910
- Humma?!
- I'm a...
361
00:17:35,911 --> 00:17:37,073
- Goomer.
- Don't!
362
00:17:37,074 --> 00:17:39,337
I'm a fighter.
363
00:17:39,338 --> 00:17:43,311
I'm a Mixed Martial Arts
fighter. And I'm good at it.
364
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,661
What?!
365
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:46,702
Uh-oh.
366
00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,883
What? Hey!
367
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:50,238
Wow!
368
00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:54,594
A fake high school history teacher
who also works as a fighter?!
369
00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:58,255
Who's impressed?! All of us?!
370
00:17:59,014 --> 00:18:01,549
A fighter?! You?!
371
00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:03,584
Yes, Ma'am.
372
00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:05,920
I am your mother.
373
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:07,838
And you lied to me like a...
374
00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:10,119
Cheap rug!
375
00:18:10,259 --> 00:18:13,259
That burns my beezy.
376
00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,879
When I adopted you...
377
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,660
I should have kept the receipt.
378
00:18:26,308 --> 00:18:29,788
I burned my momma's beezy.
379
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:35,083
I'm taking off this headband.
380
00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:37,664
Um, if I may?
381
00:18:41,256 --> 00:18:44,136
Too much too soon.
382
00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:48,524
- Don't give me your lip!
- Mama please.
383
00:18:48,525 --> 00:18:50,764
I don't wanna work in a crawdad factory!
384
00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:53,037
Poor Goomer.
385
00:18:53,038 --> 00:18:57,738
I guess his mom is really gonna
make him move back to Lithuania.
386
00:18:57,739 --> 00:18:59,907
Louisiana.
387
00:18:59,908 --> 00:19:01,776
Same thing.
388
00:19:01,777 --> 00:19:05,179
You might not be a little boy but I'm still
your mother, and you do what I tell you.
389
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:06,451
But mom!
390
00:19:06,452 --> 00:19:08,716
Hey! Can I please say something?
391
00:19:08,717 --> 00:19:10,918
Yeah! Let's hear what Sam has to say.
392
00:19:10,919 --> 00:19:12,453
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
393
00:19:12,454 --> 00:19:17,658
Now... does anyone know a place
around here to get Mexican food?
394
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,839
This is not taco time!
395
00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:24,126
- Where are we?! Where's your apartment?!
- Right around that corner.
396
00:19:24,127 --> 00:19:26,930
Good, because that's where you're
going to pack your bags so I can take
397
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,700
you home to Louisiana where you're
gonna work in the crawdad factory.
398
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:30,608
But momma!
399
00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:34,842
Mrs. Merr, he's a really talented
fighter! He could be an MMA champion!
400
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:38,779
No son of mine is gonna waste
his life kicking and punching!
401
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,983
It's more than just
kicking and punching!
402
00:19:40,984 --> 00:19:43,384
Yeah, there's choking
and arm-bars and blood...
403
00:19:43,385 --> 00:19:45,312
Choking and arm-bars and blood?!
404
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:47,353
Oh my!
405
00:19:50,228 --> 00:19:51,992
Hey... who are these guys?
406
00:19:51,993 --> 00:19:53,793
Hi.
407
00:19:54,858 --> 00:19:58,338
You're in the wrong alley.
408
00:19:59,188 --> 00:20:04,807
No. I'm pretty sure this is
a shortcut to my apartment.
409
00:20:04,808 --> 00:20:09,843
Man I'm done with the toothpick,
that's why I threw it at you.
410
00:20:09,844 --> 00:20:12,184
Uh, Goom...
411
00:20:13,164 --> 00:20:14,936
Gimme the purse and your watch.
412
00:20:14,937 --> 00:20:16,530
- What?!
- Sam, do something!
413
00:20:16,531 --> 00:20:18,896
Uh wait, this could be a good thing.
414
00:20:18,897 --> 00:20:20,917
I said gimme the purse.
415
00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,228
Oh no! Gieux!
416
00:20:23,229 --> 00:20:25,089
Hey!
417
00:20:28,345 --> 00:20:31,045
Get 'em, Goomer!
418
00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:37,516
Policia!
419
00:20:37,517 --> 00:20:39,181
Assistance!
420
00:20:39,182 --> 00:20:41,462
Du po po!
421
00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:47,067
Oh!
422
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:53,087
Oh, oh, oh...
423
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:55,042
Hey hey!
424
00:20:55,043 --> 00:20:56,444
What's going on?!
425
00:20:56,445 --> 00:20:59,756
These men tried to
steal Ms. Merr's purse.
426
00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:03,490
But then, then my son, he
fought all three of them.
427
00:21:03,491 --> 00:21:07,940
And he ripped right through 'em like
a tornado through a trailer park.
428
00:21:07,941 --> 00:21:10,584
Yeah. I bet you're pretty
proud of Goomer, right?
429
00:21:10,585 --> 00:21:14,468
- Hmm?
- Uh, yeah yeah, I'm real proud.
430
00:21:14,469 --> 00:21:15,955
So...
431
00:21:15,956 --> 00:21:18,037
Officer...?
432
00:21:18,038 --> 00:21:19,375
Bell.
433
00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:20,607
Bell.
434
00:21:20,608 --> 00:21:24,568
Hmm, that has a nice ring to it.
435
00:21:24,846 --> 00:21:26,446
Well, thanks.
436
00:21:26,447 --> 00:21:30,617
And speaking of rings, I don't
see one on your wedding finger.
437
00:21:30,618 --> 00:21:33,319
No, Ma'am. My wife she
passed away a few years back.
438
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,968
Oh. Let's go talk about that.
439
00:21:35,969 --> 00:21:38,324
Maybe I can cheer you up.
440
00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,245
Okay.
441
00:21:43,215 --> 00:21:49,102
But, wait! Momma! Does this mean I can
stay in L.A. and still be a fighter?!
442
00:21:49,103 --> 00:21:51,263
Whatever!
443
00:21:52,507 --> 00:21:54,367
Yay.
444
00:21:54,475 --> 00:21:56,995
Not a hugger.
445
00:21:59,473 --> 00:22:01,333
Yay!
446
00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:04,833
Mmm, mmm, mmm...
447
00:22:07,704 --> 00:22:09,607
Turn the corn!
448
00:22:09,608 --> 00:22:11,368
All right!
449
00:22:11,369 --> 00:22:13,040
Mmm-mmm.
450
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,314
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
451
00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:16,480
Mm!
452
00:22:16,481 --> 00:22:18,648
Now I have to pee.
453
00:22:18,649 --> 00:22:21,409
I'm not helping.
454
00:22:21,434 --> 00:22:27,334
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.
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