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1
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,300
[rock music]
2
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,800
- * Tear it down
3
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:16,033
[clock ticking]
4
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:21,867
[bell ringing]
5
00:00:21,967 --> 00:00:25,100
[all cheering]
6
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:30,433
[laughter]
7
00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:33,433
[rock music]
8
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:41,467
*
9
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:49,000
- Don't forget your
summer reading on the Holocaust!
10
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:51,867
- Anyone want to trade me
11
00:00:51,967 --> 00:00:52,933
for this preppy-ass
picnic basket
12
00:00:53,033 --> 00:00:54,233
one of my students gave me?
13
00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:55,733
- Ooh, I'll take it.
14
00:00:55,833 --> 00:00:57,033
This will be perfect
15
00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:59,400
for my annual pilgrimage
to Santa Barbara.
16
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,300
This year,
I will meet Oprah.
17
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,967
Here, you can have
this "Far Side" calendar.
18
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,800
- Eh.
Lateral trade, but okay.
19
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,433
- I'm gonna use my gift
from those drunks, the Fosters,
20
00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:12,467
to celebrate turning in
my final grades.
21
00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:14,500
I had to pull an all-nighter
last night.
22
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,467
- Me too.
23
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,267
I was still up
when my partner Geode
24
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,600
got back from the night shift
at the community garden.
25
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:25,433
- I'm still not sure.
Is Geode a him or a her?
26
00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:26,700
- Yes.
27
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,967
- I was too busy studying
28
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,433
for my commercial
driver's license
29
00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:31,400
last night to focus on grades.
30
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,533
I just entered in "A-B-C,
A-B-C, A-B-C"
31
00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:35,533
until all the empty boxes
were filled.
32
00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:37,267
- That's unethical.
- Nah.
33
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:39,733
College doesn't look at grades
until high school.
34
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,533
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go
35
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:46,200
blaze up with my recorder pipe
and hit the finger paints.
36
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,233
- [gasps] Oh, good,
I didn't miss the gift exchange.
37
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:50,233
What do you have?
- "Far Side" calendar.
38
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:51,767
- Talking animals.
Weird.
39
00:01:51,867 --> 00:01:53,933
- Ooh, Chelsea,
look what I got.
40
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,833
I can use this on my drive
to Rapture Camp.
41
00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:56,933
- When is that?
42
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,367
- From mid-July to August,
43
00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:00,500
or if the rapture comes,
forever.
44
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,833
- Huh.
45
00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:03,800
Cecelia, what will you trade me
for this cedar candle?
46
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,800
It's perfect for your
Summer Save the Trees Jamboree.
47
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:06,900
- Actually,
I'll be working
48
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,733
at a human waste recycling
think-tank.
49
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,167
- Gross.
50
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:12,433
What about this
"World's Best Teacher" shirt?
51
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:16,233
Feels like it was made
in a really humane sweatshop.
52
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,833
Come on,
what do you have?
53
00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:21,500
- All I got was
this summer sausage.
54
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,800
- All right, ladies,
55
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:27,967
when you finish
cleaning out your classrooms,
56
00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,633
come booze with me.
57
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,833
If I miss you, I'll see you
at my Summer Solstice barbecue.
58
00:02:32,933 --> 00:02:34,233
Bring your own sacrifice.
59
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:35,767
- Wait, I didn't know
about that.
60
00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:36,933
- I didn't invite you.
61
00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:37,967
See you later, bitches!
62
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,067
- Whoo!
63
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,200
[rock music]
64
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,967
- I don't think
my students like me.
65
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:45,067
- Why do you think that?
66
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,900
- I only got
a summer sausage.
67
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,500
- Maybe they're just poor.
68
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,533
- Ms. Snap,
I don't want to go home!
69
00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,900
- [laughing] Oh.
It's okay, honey.
70
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:55,567
When you miss me,
remember Ms. Snap is the moon,
71
00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:58,833
and she comes out every night
to look down on you and smile.
72
00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:00,767
Just open up your drapes,
and I'll be able
73
00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:02,900
to see you in your bed.
74
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,533
[chuckles]
75
00:03:05,867 --> 00:03:06,967
I don't know what it is,
76
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,867
but they, like,
can't get enough of me.
77
00:03:08,967 --> 00:03:10,267
- Oh, Jimmy!
78
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:11,567
Did you miss me?
79
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:12,567
- Get off of me!
80
00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:14,433
I just came back
for my eczema cream!
81
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,300
- Kids.
[chuckles]
82
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,300
[death metal playing on stereo]
83
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,767
- Hey, Deb, can I get back
my "Ready, set, learn" poster?
84
00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,367
- Oh, yeah,
it's over there.
85
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:30,300
Some kid drew the huge schlong
on it, not me.
86
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:35,500
- Hey, um,
I was just wondering,
87
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,133
why wasn't I invited to
your Summer Solstice barbecue?
88
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:39,667
I could get along
with your friends.
89
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,567
I loved the movie
"Practical Magic."
90
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,667
- I don't need you there
dust-busting the altar
91
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:46,500
or ruining the bonfire
with a lecture on fire safety.
92
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,700
- I wouldn't do that.
93
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,100
Unless of course
somebody was using
94
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,433
an aerosol can
too close to the flames
95
00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:53,500
or was wearing
a flammable robe or cloak.
96
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,867
- You need to learn
how to chill out, Caroline.
97
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:57,067
You're too uptight.
98
00:03:57,133 --> 00:03:58,167
- I chill out.
99
00:03:58,267 --> 00:03:59,500
- You sleep
with your pearls on.
100
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,067
- If there's
an emergency evacuation,
101
00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:03,300
I want to make sure
I'm appropriately accessorized.
102
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,933
- You have containers
for your containers.
103
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:10,067
Girl, I'm gonna give it
to you straight.
104
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:14,167
If you were a little less
uptight, it would go a long way.
105
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:17,067
- Would an uptight person
do this?
106
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,067
- Dude, that was sick!
107
00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:32,600
- I learned to shut down
my gag reflex in my sorority.
108
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,700
For a charity bratwurst eating
contest, not the other thing.
109
00:04:41,433 --> 00:04:43,867
[laughter]
- Toast, toast, toast.
110
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,833
- To drinking in school!
111
00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:47,367
[all cheering]
112
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,633
- Whoo!
Things are getting nuts!
113
00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,233
I made soup
in the microwave,
114
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,433
and I didn't even wipe it down
afterwards.
115
00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:56,200
[laughter]
- Oh.
116
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:58,533
- Did I just
say that twice?
117
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,600
- [laughs]
You didn't say anything.
118
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,833
- Oh.
119
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:04,233
Job well done,
recorder pipe.
120
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:06,067
[laughter]
121
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,900
- Mary Louise,
you haven't taken your shot yet.
122
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:12,167
- I'm hypoglycemic.
I get kind of goofy on alcohol.
123
00:05:12,267 --> 00:05:14,100
I found out the hard way
when I drank communion wine
124
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,933
at my cousin's baptism
and started screaming,
125
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,233
"Dunk the baby!"
126
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,067
[laughter]
127
00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:23,967
- Come on, Mary Louise.
It's summer. Loosen up a bit.
128
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:25,333
- Yeah.
129
00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:26,700
- Okay.
130
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,100
If you guys think
it's cool...
131
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,167
- Mm-hmm.
132
00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:30,167
- Then I think it's cool.
133
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:31,833
[laughter]
134
00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:34,067
all: Oh!
- Yeah, now we're talking!
135
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:36,133
[laughter]
136
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,333
- Hoosier mamas.
137
00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:39,133
[laughter]
138
00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,200
Moms from Indiana!
"Hoosier mamas."
139
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,333
[laughter]
140
00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:47,233
- You mean,
"Who's your mama"?
141
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:48,900
- Hoosier mamas!
142
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:50,633
[laughs]
Okay, bye.
143
00:05:50,733 --> 00:05:52,067
[all laughing]
- What?
144
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:53,400
Mary Louise?
145
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,100
[all laughing]
146
00:05:58,167 --> 00:05:59,833
- [laughs]
147
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:03,633
- Mary Louise?
Mary Louise!
148
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:07,700
- I wish it wasn't the case,
but due to budget cuts,
149
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,700
one position
will have to go.
150
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,367
- I'd be happy to advise you
on which teacher to fire.
151
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:14,600
- I don't need your advice,
Marty.
152
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,067
- What if I'm able
to dig up some dirt
153
00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,433
on one of the teachers?
154
00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:20,067
- Sure, Marty, if you discover
any gross negligence,
155
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,333
feel free
to let me know.
156
00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:22,333
- Gross negligence.
157
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:23,633
- All right, let's go.
158
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:26,633
We've got 15 other classrooms
to inspect.
159
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,167
Marty, why are you carrying
that diaper bag?
160
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:32,567
- Oh, it's not a diaper bag.
It's my man sack.
161
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:35,667
- You don't want
to call it that.
162
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,067
- * Tear it down
163
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,833
- Are you sure you heard
someone's getting fired?
164
00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:44,567
- Yes. I was kidnapped
in the Peace Corps,
165
00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:46,367
and they blindfolded me
for six days.
166
00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,300
I was forced to develop
super hearing.
167
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,900
- Who do you think
it'll be?
168
00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:52,200
- I don't know, but Marty's
dying to fire one of us.
169
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,200
- I can't get fired.
170
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,500
I already put a deposit down
171
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,167
on the Zone Diet meal delivery
for the summer.
172
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,967
I'm not going to cancel it
and then have to exercise.
173
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,067
- Well, I know
I'm not getting fired.
174
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,733
No offense, but I'm
the best teacher here.
175
00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:07,067
Plus, I got
these big ol' boobies.
176
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:09,367
- Can you get fired
if your kids don't like you?
177
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:10,633
- Your kids like you.
178
00:07:10,733 --> 00:07:11,867
- I assigned them
ten books to read
179
00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:13,833
about the Holocaust
over the summer.
180
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,967
- Oh, my God,
your kids must hate you.
181
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,567
I'm sorry, that did come out
before I could stop it.
182
00:07:18,667 --> 00:07:19,867
- Marty's a tool.
183
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:21,133
As long as Pearson doesn't have
184
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,067
any ammo against us,
we're good.
185
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:25,933
- Oh, crap. I gotta hide
my stash and Febreze my room.
186
00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,100
- Uh, you do know
that you have
187
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,133
your recorder pipe
in your hand, right?
188
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,200
- Nice catch.
189
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:35,600
- [laughs]
190
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,100
- Whoa!
- Oh!
191
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,700
- [screams and laughs]
- Oh.
192
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,200
- Oh, God, Mary Louise is having
a hypoglycemic meltdown!
193
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,300
- Someone has to catch her.
194
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,700
- I'll find her.
195
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,067
- You're sticking with me,
Boobies.
196
00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:48,567
We don't need
any other liabilities.
197
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,567
[rock music]
198
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:59,800
*
199
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,967
- Ms. Feldman?
200
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,900
Hey, sorry
for the surprise visit.
201
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,133
Just wanted to catch you
before you left for summer.
202
00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,833
- I'm so glad you did.
What's up?
203
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:11,967
- I just wanted
to talk to you
204
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,667
about Tavis's
final report card.
205
00:08:14,767 --> 00:08:16,933
- [slurping]
206
00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:19,333
- We just felt that
Tavis's final grade in reading
207
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,500
seemed a little...off.
208
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,100
- Hmm.
209
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,433
Because it was...
210
00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:27,433
- Low.
211
00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:28,467
- Low.
212
00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:30,200
Lower than we had expected
213
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:33,133
because Tavis
normally gets B--
214
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:34,400
- As.
- As.
215
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,733
- Uh-huh.
- Right.
216
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:39,533
And here
it says that he got a C?
217
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:42,067
Oh, that's not right.
218
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:45,133
That's not right at all.
I gave him an A.
219
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,933
God damn it!
220
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,333
None of this would've happened
if the administration
221
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:50,800
would just listen to me!
222
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,933
I keep asking them
for a new network
223
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:57,867
with a better...firewall,
and they just ignore me!
224
00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:01,300
Does no one care
about the kids but me?
225
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,400
- So this is a computer issue?
- Yeah.
226
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,633
- Okay, well, I'd be happy to go
discuss this with Principal--
227
00:09:05,733 --> 00:09:06,933
- No!
228
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:11,633
I...want to show
that son of a mother
229
00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:13,833
a piece of my mind!
230
00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:17,967
It's gonna be
a rumble in the jungle.
231
00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:21,333
You don't want to stick around
for that.
232
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,067
Well, that's taken care of.
233
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,700
Hey, let me walk you out.
234
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:32,200
Bears looking pretty good
this year.
235
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:33,867
- No, season doesn't start
for four months.
236
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:35,833
- Okay.
See you next year.
237
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:37,567
[dramatic music]
238
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:40,567
[rock music]
239
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,667
*
240
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,333
- [grunts]
241
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,067
- What is going on
in here?
242
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:47,867
- I'm tearing up my lesson plans
because they suck!
243
00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:50,433
I bet my kids hated
learning about...
244
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:51,700
Darfur!
[groans]
245
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,867
- You are being way too hard
on yourself.
246
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:55,700
None of us are perfect.
247
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,067
I bribe my kids with candy,
and I always put
248
00:09:58,133 --> 00:09:59,600
the good-looking kids
at the front of the class,
249
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,167
so I don't have to look
at the uglies.
250
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,933
And I hand out permission slips
for field trips
251
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:04,133
as late as possible
because then
252
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:05,467
some of the students
will forget them
253
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,200
and I won't
have to bring them.
254
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:08,300
- Really?
255
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,000
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
256
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:17,100
Oh, my God.
I'm the shitty teacher.
257
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,533
- If we catch Bennigan,
we might have to tie her down.
258
00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:21,800
Do you have any rope?
259
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,100
Oh, or a Bible.
260
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,233
We could use it as bait
for a trap.
261
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,967
- Hey, Debbie Doughnut,
I did my eye makeup like you!
262
00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:32,200
Now we both look like we had
a bad high school experience.
263
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,000
- If you're not gonna
pierce your clit,
264
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,433
stop trying to relate
to me.
265
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:38,967
- Ms. Watson,
you are aware
266
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:41,567
that your class must be
emptied by 3:00 p.m.
267
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:44,667
- Yup, and my bladder needs
to be emptied by the end of now.
268
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:47,333
- Don't worry, I was just
helping Caroline clean up.
269
00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:51,167
- You don't help people.
I got my eyes on you two.
270
00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:54,600
- Hey! You've gotta
pull yourself together.
271
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:55,900
That was too close.
272
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,133
- Marty is a farty,
273
00:10:57,233 --> 00:11:00,167
and Principal Pearson
is a penis!
274
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,333
- Caroline!
[whispering] Quiet coyote.
275
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:06,800
Listen, I'm sorry
I called you uptight.
276
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:10,100
You're really organized
and good at making plans,
277
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,567
and honestly, we need
someone like that around here.
278
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,433
- Really?
You mean that?
279
00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:15,733
- Yeah.
280
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:17,767
Every group needs
an anal-retentive turd
281
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:20,400
to keep everyone else
in line,
282
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,067
and that's you.
283
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,533
- Thank you.
284
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:28,733
- [laughs]
285
00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,200
- What was that?
286
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,100
[Irish folk music]
287
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,300
- [laughs]
288
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,467
- * Tear it down
289
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:48,567
*
290
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,933
* Tear it down
291
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:52,767
- [gasps]
292
00:11:52,867 --> 00:11:53,800
You know,
maybe it's for the best
293
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,267
one of us is getting laid off.
294
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:57,767
We won't ruin
any more students' lives.
295
00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,967
- Seriously. No more kids
who can't multiply by threes.
296
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,067
- What?
297
00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:04,233
- I forgot to teach
the threes this year.
298
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,067
Multiplication started
at the same time
299
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,700
as a very stressful season
of "America's Next Top Model."
300
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:09,933
- At least your kids
didn't have to watch
301
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,233
a slide show
on the My Lai Massacre.
302
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:13,833
- Woof.
You know what?
303
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,700
On the bright side,
I can finally get
304
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,733
my ab-contouring vlog
off the ground.
305
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:19,833
And I've always wanted
to travel abroad.
306
00:12:19,933 --> 00:12:21,500
I have to see Key West.
307
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,333
So cheers.
[chuckles]
308
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,233
[somber music]
309
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,900
*
310
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,600
I want to keep teaching.
311
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:41,233
My kids are, like,
the only people who get me.
312
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,667
- I know.
- [sobs]
313
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,833
Mmm.
314
00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:52,567
[rock music]
315
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:53,800
- Quick!
Come here!
316
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,733
- Don't worry,
I'll lasso him.
317
00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:57,067
Yeah, buddy.
318
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:05,067
- Shame on this school.
Shame on this district.
319
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:10,067
Shame on society for allowing
a perfectly capable child
320
00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:11,433
to fall through the cracks
321
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:14,900
due to some highly preventable
computer error.
322
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:17,100
Lucy did not deserve a C!
323
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,500
Ugh!
324
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,833
- She didn't get a C.
325
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,067
- Lucy did not deserve a B!
326
00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:27,600
- Actually, she got an A.
327
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,067
- Okay, I'm confused.
328
00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:31,700
- She's brought home
nothing but Ds all year.
329
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,467
What happened?
330
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:37,233
- Let me explain.
331
00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:43,600
She's a genius.
332
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:44,833
- Lucy?
333
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:47,367
- In participation.
334
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:48,767
- Participation?
335
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:51,867
- Yes.
It's rare.
336
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:53,267
The only way
I can describe it
337
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,333
is if you've seen
"Good Will Hunting."
338
00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:57,067
- I haven't seen it.
339
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,067
- Then I can't describe it.
340
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:02,300
So are we good here?
341
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,600
- I guess so?
342
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:06,100
- Gotta see
"Good Will Hunting."
343
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,267
Lucy's Matt Damon,
and I'm Robin Williams,
344
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:13,700
and you'd be the foster father
that beats up his back real bad
345
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,200
and scars it up
all nasty like.
346
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:20,900
Although the analogy falls apart
at that point, so--eh.
347
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,300
- I'm gonna go now.
348
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,233
- Okay.
349
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,067
How 'bout them apples?
350
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:34,067
Gotta see
"Good Will Hunting."
351
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:40,533
- You're, like, the prettiest
smart person I know.
352
00:14:40,633 --> 00:14:42,433
- I love you so much.
353
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,100
- Oh, I can't believe
we've never
354
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,133
opened up to each other
like this before.
355
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:46,933
- I know.
356
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:49,300
[both sobbing]
357
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,233
- Oh.
358
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,067
You smell
like fermented cabbage.
359
00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:54,633
- Thank you!
I make my own kimchi.
360
00:14:54,733 --> 00:14:57,367
- Mary Louise,
are you in here?
361
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:58,367
- Hi.
362
00:14:58,467 --> 00:14:59,400
- Hey.
363
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,567
- Hey.
364
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,300
- Have you seen
Mary Louise?
365
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,367
- No, we've been talking about
what giant sacks of crap we are.
366
00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:06,300
- While I endorse
that sentiment,
367
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,800
Mary Louise is naked-jigging
around the school
368
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,533
like a feral leprechaun.
369
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:13,067
If we don't find her, Pearson's
gonna fire her on the spot!
370
00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:15,967
- We've got to save
my little bottom bitch.
371
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,167
[new wave music]
372
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:18,367
- Earth!
373
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:19,367
- Fire!
374
00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:21,300
- Wind!
- Water!
375
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:23,733
- We forgot to do "heart."
376
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:26,367
[gasps]
Bennigan is heart.
377
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,900
- We gotta find her.
378
00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,500
- What the hell was "heart"
anyway?
379
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,500
- Feldman,
we need your help.
380
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,700
- Oh, hey, I stashed
Recordy the Musical Pot Pipe
381
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,133
in your LeSportsac bag.
382
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,367
- I didn't bring
a bag today.
383
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:43,067
- Feldman, hurry up!
384
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:45,367
- I found something!
385
00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:50,467
- These were on the floor.
386
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,933
They're still warm.
She's not far!
387
00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:55,833
[string music]
388
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,500
- There she is!
Grab her!
389
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,700
- Mary Louise, you're having
a hypoglycemic meltdown!
390
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,067
- Stop running!
391
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:03,233
- Over here!
- Somebody get her!
392
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:05,067
- Back here!
- Mary Louise!
393
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:07,933
- M-L-B, get your holy heinie
over here right now!
394
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,200
- Ah!
- Stop!
395
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,400
- Oh, no. No!
- Come on!
396
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,533
- [giggles]
397
00:16:11,633 --> 00:16:13,067
- I love that
you're so comfortable
398
00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:14,800
with your own body,
but knock it off!
399
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,133
- I got her, I got her.
- Okay.
400
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,133
- Oh, God.
- Go for it!
401
00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:19,600
- I got her, I got her!
402
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:20,800
- Oh.
- Whoa.
403
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,433
all: Oh!
- Come on!
404
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:25,300
- Oh, she's not
getting away.
405
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,100
Oh, no.
Here I come.
406
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,400
- Go, Mary Louise!
You got this, girl.
407
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,500
- What are you doing?
408
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,067
- She's amazing.
409
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,667
- [grunts]
- Right there.
410
00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,300
- Bennigan!
- Get up, girl.
411
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,733
- It's over.
- Get her!
412
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,667
- Ladies, why are we all
congregated on the playground?
413
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:44,967
- [grunts]
414
00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:46,367
- Ms. Snap?
- Hmm?
415
00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:48,833
- Will you be sliding down
to join us?
416
00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:52,200
- No. Mm-mm.
417
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,867
[pipe playing]
418
00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,533
- What on earth?
419
00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:05,133
*
420
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:08,233
What the fudge?
Martin Crumbs!
421
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:09,300
- It's not mine.
422
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,233
One of
these overpaid babysitters
423
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,733
put it in my man sack!
424
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:13,967
- Did they put it in your mouth
and light it too?
425
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,767
- Figuratively, yes,
they did.
426
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,067
I couldn't take it anymore.
427
00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:18,900
They defied my authority
all year!
428
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:20,667
- What authority?
- [sighs]
429
00:17:20,767 --> 00:17:24,767
- Thank you for making it easy
to decide which position to cut.
430
00:17:24,867 --> 00:17:27,133
Get in my office, now.
431
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,300
- Stupid man sack.
432
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:38,100
- Mary Louise,
are you okay?
433
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,933
- Hey, friends!
434
00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:41,400
I got my butt got stuck
435
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,700
in this slide
on the last day of school!
436
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,867
[kissing]
437
00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:48,467
[all gasp]
438
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:49,967
- Oh, great.
439
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:58,067
Now I've seen all her holes.
440
00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:00,700
- Well, we all survived
another school year.
441
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,767
[gentle music]
442
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,900
- I feel like I've been given
a new lease on life.
443
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:10,267
Next year, I'm gonna do right
by my students
444
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:11,700
and learn their names.
445
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,267
- I'm going to take genocide
out of my unit
446
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:15,133
on wartime atrocities.
447
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:16,667
Kids just gotta be kids.
448
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:20,433
- I just want to say,
when I put grades in randomly,
449
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,433
it wasn't
because I didn't care.
450
00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:25,167
It's because it doesn't matter.
451
00:18:25,267 --> 00:18:27,267
I'm not changing shit.
452
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,700
- I'm gonna miss you guys.
453
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,800
- Well, we'll see you
at the Summer Solstice barbecue.
454
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:41,933
*
455
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:44,500
- [vomits]
all: Oh!
456
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:48,900
- [sniffs]
457
00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:53,067
Was that my summer sausage?
458
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:56,067
[rock music]
459
00:18:56,100 --> 00:19:04,200
*
460
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,067
- * Tear it down
461
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,867
* Tear it down
462
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:12,367
* Tear it down
463
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:16,067
* Tear it down
464
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:19,267
- Oh, yeah.
32160
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