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1
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:11,033
[rock music]
2
00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:13,367
- Does anyone want to go
on a 150-mile bike ride
3
00:00:13,467 --> 00:00:14,600
with me this weekend?
4
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,633
It's to support schools
in Uganda.
5
00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:19,100
- No, thanks.
I prefer not to turn my vagina
6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,200
into ground turkey.
7
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:22,800
- What a surprise.
8
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:25,800
The six degenerates sitting
around doing nothing.
9
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,267
- Marty, shouldn't you be
cleaning drawings of boners
10
00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:29,767
off bathroom stalls?
11
00:00:29,867 --> 00:00:31,900
- For your information,
I already rubbed out
12
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,700
three in the boys' room
this morning.
13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,867
The reason I am here
is because I read an article
14
00:00:36,967 --> 00:00:39,700
that said if you give
underperforming teachers
15
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,600
new challenges,
you get big results.
16
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:44,367
I immediately thought
of this group.
17
00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:46,533
- Because we get
big results?
18
00:00:46,633 --> 00:00:47,833
- No.
19
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:51,067
Principal Pearson
loved my idea
20
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:52,900
so I will be assigning
each of you
21
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,800
new extracurricular activities.
22
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,733
Ms. Snap,
you will be in charge
23
00:00:56,833 --> 00:00:58,233
of the after-school
gifted program.
24
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,300
- Oh, I can't relate
to people with glasses.
25
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,500
- Ms. Watson, Ms. Cannon,
you will be
26
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,400
cocaptains on field day.
27
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,733
- I love organizing events.
28
00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:10,433
I'm responsible
for 97% of the marches
29
00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:11,767
on city hall this year.
30
00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:13,500
- Mrs. Adler, Ms. Feldman,
you will be assisting
31
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,900
with field day.
32
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:17,067
- Ah, this will be just like
being a wedding planner,
33
00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:19,700
but without all the homicidal
feelings of jealous.
34
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,167
- Don't worry.
We'll make you guys
35
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:22,267
feel super involved.
36
00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:23,567
- Not necessary.
37
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,167
- These two control freaks
in charge?
38
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:27,233
Mama's not doing shiz.
- Mm-hmm.
39
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:30,067
- What about me?
- Sorry.
40
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,600
I often forget
that you're here.
41
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:35,767
You will be teaching
after-school sex ed.
42
00:01:35,867 --> 00:01:37,133
- I don't want
to teach sex ed.
43
00:01:37,233 --> 00:01:39,167
- Ms. Bennigan, sometimes
we have to do things
44
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,100
we don't want to.
45
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,067
I, for example,
just had to have
46
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:45,167
this conversation
with all of you.
47
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:53,367
- You guys,
I can't teach sex ed.
48
00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:58,767
What I'm about to reveal to you
is very personal.
49
00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:00,600
I don't know
how to say this,
50
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,400
but I'm a--
51
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:03,633
all: Virgin.
52
00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:04,900
- How'd you know?
53
00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:06,633
- Mary Louise,
you thought a blow job
54
00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:08,300
was a fancy hairdo.
55
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,267
- What else would it be?
56
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,100
[rock music]
57
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,300
*
58
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,967
- * Tear it down
59
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,200
*
60
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,800
- * Tear it down
61
00:02:23,467 --> 00:02:26,800
- Ms. Snap?
Hi, I'm Charles's mother Rita.
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00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,733
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
63
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:31,933
I heard you're running
the after-school gifted program.
64
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,200
- How'd you hear that?
65
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,800
I was just assigned it
this morning.
66
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,233
- Well, I am the president
of the PTA.
67
00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:38,333
I hear everything.
68
00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,067
[both chuckle]
69
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:41,167
You know what?
70
00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:44,267
I want you to put my son
in the gifted program.
71
00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:47,300
- [quacking]
72
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,800
- Charles is a fine student,
but I don't think
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00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,233
he would be happy
in the program.
74
00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,567
- Really?
- Yeah, it's pretty advanced.
75
00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,867
- Well, maybe I didn't
make myself clear.
76
00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:03,433
I expect him to be placed
in the gifted program.
77
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:04,967
- Excuse me?
78
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,500
- Wow, I assumed
the teacher assigned
79
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,100
to the gifted program would be
a little quicker on the uptake.
80
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,367
I'm president of the PTA.
- I got that.
81
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,667
And I think it is so great
for women who don't work
82
00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,400
to have a little club
to belong to.
83
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,500
- Oh, you do?
[laughs]
84
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,067
Look, if you fail
to make this happen,
85
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:22,567
my "little club"
will make your life
86
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,167
a living hell.
87
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:26,067
[both laughing]
88
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,833
- It's the PTA,
not the CIA.
89
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:30,233
- [whispers] Is it?
90
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,767
[menacing music]
91
00:03:32,867 --> 00:03:34,700
[rock music]
92
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,067
- This is gonna be great.
93
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,600
- I know.
I loved field day as a kid.
94
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:41,167
And we're clearly the right
pair to be in charge.
95
00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:43,233
- If you could have
sex with anyone,
96
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:46,867
but immediately after,
your head would explode,
97
00:03:46,967 --> 00:03:48,733
who would you choose?
98
00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:50,900
- Cheech and Chong.
- You can't choose two.
99
00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:52,367
You have to choose one.
100
00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:56,533
- Oh, my God.
This is like "Sophie's Choice."
101
00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:59,367
Ugh, I choose Cheech.
102
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:02,400
But Chong gets to watch.
103
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,400
- Mm, hot.
104
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,067
- Ugh, you were saying?
105
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:06,400
- Field day's a great way
to teach children
106
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,400
about community.
107
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,300
- Totally.
And it introduces kids
108
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,900
to the reality that there are
winners and losers in life.
109
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:14,300
- I'm sorry?
- You know.
110
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,333
That some people are
better than others.
111
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,700
- Wait, just because you win
doesn't mean you're
112
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,300
better than another person.
113
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,433
Everybody wins if they try hard
and have a positive attitude.
114
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:26,800
- Uh, wrong.
Listen, I am who I am today
115
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,800
because I placed first in
four national dressage tourneys
116
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,067
and I won my debutante ball.
117
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,367
- I didn't know that
was a competition.
118
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:36,067
- I made it one.
- God!
119
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:39,200
Stupid jump ropes
suck ass.
120
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,400
- Hey!
Stop playing around, you guys.
121
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,200
We still have to separate
orange cones
122
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:46,433
and sweep out
the volleyball area.
123
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:49,733
[foreboding beats]
124
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,800
*
125
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,133
- Okay.
126
00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:56,067
Let's get this boat
in the water.
127
00:04:56,100 --> 00:05:00,400
Who knows what S-E-X is?
128
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,733
No one's parents
taught them anything?
129
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,067
Okay.
130
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:11,267
Why don't we start
with these models?
131
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:14,300
[dramatic musical flourish]
132
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,633
Okay.
133
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,433
Wowzers.
134
00:05:20,533 --> 00:05:22,400
[breathing heavily]
135
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,733
Okay.
136
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:27,700
Who knows what this is?
137
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,767
- A monster?
- What?
138
00:05:29,867 --> 00:05:31,400
- A maze?
139
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:35,967
- This is a 3-D model of the
female reproductive system.
140
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:38,767
Okay.
And...
141
00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:42,533
who knows what this is?
142
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:43,833
- A wiener.
143
00:05:43,933 --> 00:05:46,733
- Also known as?
- A cock.
144
00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:48,600
- Wiener works.
Okay.
145
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,600
[whispering] That means that
these must be the berries.
146
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,667
all: Whoa.
147
00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:55,733
- Ms. Bennigan?
148
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,167
- [whispers] Hot Dad.
- Hi.
149
00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,667
I'm your after-school
parent volunteer this week.
150
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:01,233
What are we...
151
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:04,467
- [laughing softly]
- Working on?
152
00:06:04,567 --> 00:06:07,500
- [laughing]
153
00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:11,867
[rock music]
- * Tear it down
154
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,867
- Those jump ropes
were the worst.
155
00:06:16,967 --> 00:06:18,767
It was a like a Rubik's Cube
and a Sudoku
156
00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:20,800
banged each other
and had a devil baby.
157
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,200
- Yeah, these new
assignments gargle ass.
158
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,700
- I know.
They suck.
159
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,333
The president of the PTA
threatened me today.
160
00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:28,400
- [gasps]
- Rita Towers?
161
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,133
She's a nightmare.
162
00:06:30,233 --> 00:06:32,567
- I wouldn't buy anything
from the PTA bake sale one year,
163
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,800
so she stuck the kid
with oppositional disorder
164
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:35,833
in my class.
165
00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:37,100
- [gasps]
166
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,733
- She wants her kid
in the gifted program,
167
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,700
but he would be miserable.
168
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,733
He thinks Lake Michigan
is an ocean.
169
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,967
- I already bought
a giant winner's trophy.
170
00:06:44,067 --> 00:06:46,300
- I already bought 300 ribbons
that say "Special" on them.
171
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,200
- Perfect. We can stuff them
into the trophy
172
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,333
to reinforce how special
the winner is.
173
00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:52,400
- My assignment's
a real stinker.
174
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,300
- Sex ed?
Can't be that bad.
175
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,867
- It is.
I still have my hymen!
176
00:06:57,967 --> 00:07:01,367
My after-school parent volunteer
is Hot Dad.
177
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,100
How am I supposed to explain
sex ed in front
178
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,433
of the best-looking man
to walk the Earth
179
00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:06,067
since Donny Osmond?
180
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,067
- Oh, you lucky bitch.
- Yeah.
181
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:09,667
This is a huge opportunity.
182
00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:11,833
- You teaching sex ed
in front of Hot Dad
183
00:07:11,933 --> 00:07:13,933
is just like the female
baboon presenting her
184
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:17,133
swollen, orange buttocks
to attract a sexual partner.
185
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:19,433
- Ugh, that's not
what I was thinking.
186
00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:21,367
- That is exactly
what I was thinking.
187
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:22,833
[rock music]
188
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:26,800
Energy from the sun is
actually food for plants.
189
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:28,900
[gasps]
Oh.
190
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,067
Mm.
Too hot.
191
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,167
- Ms. Snap.
- Marty.
192
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:33,600
I'm in the middle
of a lesson.
193
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,233
- I'm here to tell you
that Mrs. Towers will be
194
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:36,733
your room parent
for the week.
195
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,600
Mrs. Schneider
is my room parent.
196
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,267
- There's been a change.
197
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:41,800
Mrs. Towers will be
your room parent
198
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,067
for as long as she wants.
199
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:44,500
- Ohh, thank you, Marty.
200
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,067
I will be sure
to add your proposal
201
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,867
for Administrator's Appreciation
Week to our agenda.
202
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:52,400
- [laughs]
Thank you so much.
203
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,267
- Okay.
I'm onto your game.
204
00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:00,867
But it is so nice
to have you.
205
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:03,700
Please, take a seat.
206
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,333
[ominous musical flourish]
207
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:07,867
- [sighs]
208
00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:09,267
*
209
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:11,533
- Okay, so where were we?
210
00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:13,633
With all of that sunshine
and water
211
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:16,300
and carbon dioxide,
in the plants' bellies.
212
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,333
- Oh, uh, plants
don't have bellies.
213
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:22,067
Heh.
They have chloroplasts.
214
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:24,067
- What?
- Chloroplasts.
215
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:28,267
Chloroplasts convert
energy molecules, not bellies.
216
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,100
- That's so helpful.
Thank you.
217
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,433
- Mm.
- [laughs]
218
00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:33,433
Like I said,
with all of the nutrients
219
00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:37,900
in the plants' chloroplasts,
they turn green--
220
00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:42,067
- Actually, the green color
comes from chlorophyll.
221
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:44,167
You should probably
teach at the top
222
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,967
of your intelligence level.
223
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,600
Oh, oh, maybe
you're there already.
224
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,300
[ominous musical flourish]
225
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,333
- Will you guys excuse me?
226
00:08:56,733 --> 00:08:59,167
I am onto you, bitch,
and I'm not putting
227
00:08:59,267 --> 00:09:01,267
your basic son
in my gifted program
228
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:02,900
no matter what you do.
229
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,433
- You don't get it.
230
00:09:05,533 --> 00:09:08,367
The PTA isn't just me.
231
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:11,567
[menacing music]
232
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,067
- Huh, a bunch of students
standing around
233
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,367
holding each other?
234
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,800
"Circle hug" is not a game.
There's no winner.
235
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,900
- Everyone wins because
everyone feels loved.
236
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:21,900
It's perfect.
- It's diarrhea.
237
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,833
- Someone doesn't
always have to win.
238
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:25,367
- Uh, okay.
I don't have time
239
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,167
to explain America
to you right now.
240
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,500
- Hey, we're done
separating the soccer balls
241
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,100
from the volleyballs
242
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,767
and laying out the chalk lines
and putting up the nets.
243
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,133
- Are you guys
gonna do anything?
244
00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,600
We were assuming that the people
in charge of field day
245
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,200
might actually participate
in setting it up.
246
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,500
- Okay, we're wrestling
247
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,633
with the sociological
implications of field day,
248
00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:48,233
which you could not
possibly understand.
249
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:49,300
- Yeah.
250
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,633
We're the queen bees,
251
00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:52,467
and you're the worker bees.
252
00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:54,333
Just accept your roles
253
00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:57,067
and go sort
the Wiffle balls.
254
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,367
Okay?
255
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,333
[martial drum music]
256
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,467
- Sweater-wearing whore.
257
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,733
- Tabbouleh-breath bitch.
258
00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:06,333
- Oh,
259
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:08,233
there will be blood.
260
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,900
[whimsical music]
261
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,733
- Yesterday we talked
about these.
262
00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:15,400
- The wiener
and the maze?
263
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,900
- Yes, the wiener
and the maze.
264
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,533
*
265
00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:24,133
So this is filled
with little tadpoles.
266
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,700
*
267
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:30,067
And this is filled
with a great big egg.
268
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:31,367
- You dropped the maze.
269
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:34,200
- Uh, actually this
is a cross section
270
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,500
of the female
reproductive system.
271
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,533
Don't worry,
Ms. Bennigan.
272
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,000
I was in medical school
for a year
273
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,700
before I dropped out
to take better care of Blake.
274
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,633
- [whispers]
Hot Doctor.
275
00:10:42,733 --> 00:10:44,133
- Okay.
276
00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:45,367
This is a penis.
277
00:10:45,467 --> 00:10:47,700
When a man is
sexually aroused,
278
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,000
the penis encourages
with blood
279
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,933
and becomes erect so it
can enter the vagina.
280
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,500
- [gasps]
281
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,400
- [whispers]
You got this.
282
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,467
The vagina has many
different parts.
283
00:10:57,567 --> 00:11:00,800
This larger fold
is a labia majora,
284
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:03,633
and underneath
is a labia minora,
285
00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:05,567
which cups this
opening here
286
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:06,800
where the penis enters.
287
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,167
- [grunts]
288
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,933
- Now, the vagina is prepared
for the penis to enter
289
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:13,533
because it's already
produced a lubricating mucus.
290
00:11:13,633 --> 00:11:15,667
Ms. Bennigan, can you please
bring the vagina closer
291
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:19,167
so that I can demonstrate
sexual intercourse?
292
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:21,267
[sultry music]
293
00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:24,233
The penis will enter...
294
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:25,300
- [gasps]
295
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,967
- And reenter...
296
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,167
- [gasps]
297
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:30,167
- And reenter...
298
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:32,200
- [gasping]
299
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,133
- And reenter...
300
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:35,133
*
301
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,067
And reenter
302
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,633
until the male climaxes
and ejaculates,
303
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,133
fertilizing the egg.
304
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,567
- [gasping]
305
00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:54,533
- I guess that could be
a part of it too.
306
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:57,067
- [inhales and moans]
307
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,600
[rock music]
- * Tear it down
308
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:03,733
*
309
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,900
* Tear it down
310
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,600
- Sorry.
I can't get it either.
311
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:09,800
- That's cool.
312
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,500
We can turn it
into an event.
313
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,067
Oh, hey, I got one.
314
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,967
If you can kick your
steel-toed combat boot
315
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,633
from here into that
garbage can across the room,
316
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:20,600
you get to have sex
with Stacian Lawrence.
317
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,300
- [gasps]
From the local pizza ads?
318
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,400
Oh, my panties.
319
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,533
- Sex, sex, sex--
320
00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:28,100
is that all anyone
thinks about?
321
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,267
Why is everyone
so obsessed with sex?
322
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:32,900
Is it really that great?
323
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:33,967
- Yeah.
324
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:35,567
- You okay, ML?
- No.
325
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:38,667
Teaching sex ed
with Hot Dad was a mistake.
326
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:41,267
Then I kissed him...
327
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:42,933
Sort of.
- Uh-oh.
328
00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:45,067
- Sounds like you took it
a little too far.
329
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:46,500
- Doi!
330
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,633
I'll never be
comfortable with sex.
331
00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:52,633
Now Hot Dad thinks
I'm a total doof box.
332
00:12:52,733 --> 00:12:54,100
I'm never gonna
get married,
333
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,067
and then saving my hymen
will have been for nothing!
334
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,400
- Hey, where's
the ball bag?
335
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,600
- Under the penis!
336
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,667
I am not an idiot!
337
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,600
- Right over here.
338
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,600
[warbling electronic music]
339
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,733
*
340
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,167
[tires screech]
341
00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:14,700
*
342
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,100
- What is going on?
343
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,600
- Oh, we're having
a bake sale.
344
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:19,900
- In my parking spot?
345
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,100
- We're the PTA.
346
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,067
- We will kill you.
347
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,100
- What?
348
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,200
[all laughing]
349
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:30,200
[women cackling]
350
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,533
[foreboding music]
351
00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:34,767
[ominous musical flourish]
352
00:13:34,867 --> 00:13:36,133
What happened to my desk?
353
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:38,633
- [clears throat]
- [gasps]
354
00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:40,800
- The PTA
needed it.
355
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:44,067
[ominous music]
356
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:48,600
*
357
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:49,700
- [screams]
358
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:50,700
*
359
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:51,733
Ahh!
360
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,067
*
361
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:56,833
- [grunting]
362
00:13:56,933 --> 00:14:00,100
[whimsical music]
363
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:05,633
*
364
00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:07,067
[sighs and grunts]
365
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:08,533
[doll head pops and smacks]
366
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:09,900
- [gasps]
367
00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:11,100
- That's how the baby
comes out.
368
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,333
- [gasps]
- The end.
369
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:13,900
- [gasps]
370
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,500
- Why don't you have a baby?
371
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,200
- Well...
372
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,167
because I'm not
married yet.
373
00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,833
- You don't have to be
married to have a baby.
374
00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:25,767
My cousin Savannah
got pregnant,
375
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:27,867
and she doesn't even
have a boyfriend.
376
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,867
- Well, some people think
that you should wait.
377
00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:33,100
- Yeah, losers
and fraidycats.
378
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,667
- I'm not a fraidycat.
379
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:38,067
[gentle piano music]
380
00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:39,300
*
381
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,900
[inhales sharply]
382
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:43,267
[exhales]
I'm a virgin.
383
00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:44,900
*
384
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:46,700
- Is there something
wrong with you?
385
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,567
- No.
386
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:52,367
I'm just choosing to wait
for the right person,
387
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:55,800
and I know that's not
very attractive to some people,
388
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,567
but it's who I am.
389
00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,600
And someday, all of you
390
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,400
will have to make
that choice too.
391
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,100
*
392
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,700
Just because your friends
have sex
393
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,067
without so much
as a how-de-do
394
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,733
doesn't mean that you have to.
395
00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:09,467
- Hmm.
396
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:10,467
*
397
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:11,867
- [chuckles]
398
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:14,433
I just taught you guys
something about sex.
399
00:15:14,533 --> 00:15:17,667
*
400
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:19,467
- [clears throat]
401
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,467
- [sighs]
402
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,467
[door clicks and thuds]
403
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:24,567
[rock music]
404
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:25,633
[whistle blows]
405
00:15:25,733 --> 00:15:27,400
*
406
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,933
[laughter]
407
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:30,400
- Okay, guys,
we're gonna play
408
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,133
a super fun game called
the invisible shoe kick.
409
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,333
- Why don't we just
kick our real shoes?
410
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:37,133
- Because yesterday
when Mrs. Adler
411
00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:38,933
kicked her steel-toed boot,
412
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,933
she hit Mr. Spinnoli
in the head,
413
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,533
and now he's getting
something called an MRI.
414
00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:45,600
- All right, popular kids
in the middle.
415
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:47,067
Everyone else grab a ball.
416
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,233
- What's this stupid game
called, anyway?
417
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:51,533
- Getting even.
418
00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:52,733
[whistle blows]
419
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:53,867
[rock music]
420
00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:55,467
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
421
00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:56,867
- [screaming]
422
00:15:56,967 --> 00:15:59,367
*
423
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,333
[whistle blowing]
424
00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:03,700
man: Everyone please line up
for the three-legged race.
425
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,200
- Okay, I am tweaking out.
426
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,367
The PTA is seriously
out to get me.
427
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,767
I'm pretty sure
they visited my mom
428
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:09,900
in her nursing home.
429
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,067
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
430
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:13,833
I'm, like, scared.
431
00:16:13,933 --> 00:16:15,833
- Runners,
on your mark.
432
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,600
Get set.
- Ahh!
433
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,933
[grunting]
434
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,067
[gunshot]
- Please stop!
435
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:21,767
- Come on!
- Stop! Stop!
436
00:16:21,867 --> 00:16:23,200
[yelling]
437
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,633
- Well, ladies,
looks like today
438
00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:27,367
has been quite
a success.
439
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:29,067
- Yeah, pretty good.
440
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,667
- Wait. Where are Watson
and Cannon?
441
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,533
I would like
to congratulate them.
442
00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:34,933
- I haven't seen 'em. You?
- Nope.
443
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:36,267
[tapping]
- [grunts]
444
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:38,767
Feldman, Adler,
unlock this door!
445
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:40,433
Come on!
446
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,667
Let us out!
447
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,233
Hello!
We're in charge!
448
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:45,767
[grunts]
449
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:49,467
Now tell me it doesn't matter
who wins and loses.
450
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,767
[sighs]
God.
451
00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:54,567
I have to go
to the bathroom.
452
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:58,433
- Here, use this.
453
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,533
- Fine,
but I'm gonna wipe
454
00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:04,467
with your ribbons.
455
00:17:07,133 --> 00:17:09,300
[rock music]
456
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,533
- Remember, Blake, keep
that lead leg long and high.
457
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,367
[clapping]
458
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,567
[whistle blows]
459
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:16,567
Ms. Bennigan.
460
00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:17,600
- [whispers]
Hot Dad.
461
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,533
Hi.
462
00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:23,233
Thanks so much for
the sex with help ed.
463
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,633
- [chuckles]
- [groans]
464
00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:26,267
[inhales sharply]
465
00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:27,633
- I just want
to let you know
466
00:17:27,733 --> 00:17:30,300
I thought you did
a great job yesterday.
467
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,067
- Oh.
- No, seriously.
468
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,500
- I thought it was
really cool how honest
469
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,667
you were with the kids.
470
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,067
- Thank you.
471
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,167
- And you shouldn't
be embarrassed
472
00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:38,400
about being a virgin.
473
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,667
[both laugh]
474
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,633
I think it's very sweet.
475
00:17:41,733 --> 00:17:44,533
- [laughing and gasping]
476
00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:46,533
- You okay?
477
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,533
- Yeah!
- Ms. Bennigan?
478
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,067
- Yes!
[grunting]
479
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,667
[triumphant music]
480
00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,500
[squeaking]
481
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:56,667
*
482
00:17:56,767 --> 00:17:57,833
[echoing knock]
483
00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,067
[gasping]
484
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:05,167
[squeals] My hymen!
485
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,267
[rock music]
- * Tear it down
486
00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:07,967
- My little smarties,
487
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:10,467
I am so excited to see
your artistic interpretation
488
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,700
of "Stopping by Woods
on a Snowy Evening"
489
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,100
by Robert Frost.
490
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,700
[gasps]
491
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,233
Oh, that is powerful.
492
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:20,400
So moving.
493
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,833
[gasps]
Beautiful.
494
00:18:24,267 --> 00:18:25,800
Charles, can you
explain your drawing?
495
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,267
- It's a hot dog.
496
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:29,500
[ominous music]
497
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,633
- Ah!
498
00:18:30,733 --> 00:18:33,733
*
499
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:35,500
- [chuckles]
500
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,833
- [whispers]
So gifted.
501
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:43,267
[rock music]
502
00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:51,400
*
503
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,233
- * Tear it down
504
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,067
* Tear it down
505
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,833
* Tear it down
506
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,700
* Tear it down
507
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:06,500
- Oh, yeah.
33855
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