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1
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,100
- And that's why
you should never have sex
2
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,333
at a renaissance faire.
3
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,267
- Hey.
- What's up?
4
00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:15,033
- I'm struggling
to get through to this girl
5
00:00:15,133 --> 00:00:16,667
in my class, Camille.
6
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,700
She's painfully shy.
7
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:19,933
- I'm not surprised.
8
00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:21,300
I just read
this great article on Jezebel
9
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,300
about how women are constantly
being silenced and--
10
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,567
- Shh! She's just shy.
She's not oppressed.
11
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:30,100
- I was like that until I first
stumbled into an AOL chat room.
12
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,667
That's where I discovered
my anger...
13
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,700
and my sexuality.
14
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,567
- Hey!
- [gasps]
15
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:37,867
- I see y'all got my tweet.
16
00:00:37,967 --> 00:00:40,467
- Yeah. Very classy, Chelsea.
- What?
17
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,867
- The word you used?
18
00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:44,500
- In this context,
it means friends.
19
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:48,367
- "See you at Fitzpatrick's.
TGIF, twats."
20
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:49,367
[laughter]
21
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:50,867
- Yeah, friends.
22
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,233
- You know what
it usually means?
23
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,433
Butthole.
24
00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,333
- Wrong side, genius.
25
00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:59,667
That would be a "balloon knot"
or a "stink star."
26
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:00,867
- "Chocolate starfish."
27
00:01:00,967 --> 00:01:02,133
- Or "rusty bullet hole."
28
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:03,833
- * La la la la la la
29
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:07,867
- Whatever. It's just a tweet.
It's not a big deal.
30
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:08,867
- You're suspended.
31
00:01:08,967 --> 00:01:10,667
- What? Why?
32
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:13,367
- Does this tweet look familiar?
33
00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,833
- You follow me
on Twitter?
34
00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,067
- Principal Pearson?
35
00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:21,167
I'm here
as Ms. Snap's union rep.
36
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,400
This meeting does not take place
without me in attendance.
37
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,233
Great! I was hoping this would
take twice as long.
38
00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:29,900
Ms. Snap, I've spent my morning
fielding phone calls
39
00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:31,100
from angry parents.
40
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,367
- How many?
Did they retweet it?
41
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,767
Oh, my God.
Did I go viral?
42
00:01:33,867 --> 00:01:35,167
- This is nothing
to be proud of.
43
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,967
That tweet was
totally inappropriate.
44
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,167
That's why I'm suspending you.
- What?
45
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,433
You can't hold her accountable
46
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:41,733
for what she does
outside of school.
47
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:42,967
- Actually, I can.
48
00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:44,300
- Oh, my God,
I have 41 followers now.
49
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,067
- You know
she can't use that word.
50
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,500
- What word?
51
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,167
- It means...
52
00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:50,500
- What?
53
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:51,633
- [mumbling] Vagina.
54
00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:54,067
- I'm sorry,
I didn't hear that.
55
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,733
- Vagina.
- Oh.
56
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,100
- Hmm.
57
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,067
- In the context it was used,
it meant friend.
58
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,800
Ms. Snap is my twat.
59
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,167
- I don't care!
60
00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:04,400
Ms. Snap,
you're suspended for three days.
61
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,133
- This is an outrage!
- I know. [scoffs]
62
00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:09,967
You're doing the right thing.
63
00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:13,567
[rock music]
64
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,533
- * Take down
65
00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:18,500
* Take down
66
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,800
- This poor kid
has no confidence.
67
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,800
- Usually society waits
until puberty
68
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,600
to make girls
an insecure mess.
69
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:28,233
- Let me talk to her.
70
00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:30,567
I'm the "Shy Kid Whisperer."
71
00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:38,367
'Sup, girlfriend?
72
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,733
You like rap?
73
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,900
John Waters films?
74
00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:49,400
Okay. How about a story?
75
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:53,067
Let me tell you a story
about a shy little otter
76
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:55,633
her freshman year of college.
77
00:02:55,733 --> 00:02:58,333
One night,
she went to a Phish concert
78
00:02:58,433 --> 00:03:02,067
but was too shy to talk
to anyone else.
79
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:06,900
But then, a friendly otter
offered her a courage brownie.
80
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:11,067
After one bite, she started
talking to other people.
81
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:14,200
After two bites,
she started singing.
82
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,267
After three bites,
she was riding on top
83
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:19,533
of shirtless boy otters'
shoulders,
84
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:23,167
wearing nothing but her smile
and a glow-stick tiara.
85
00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:25,800
She woke up
with her new otter friends
86
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,133
in a cool van with curtains
87
00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:32,767
and a tattoo she didn't even
have to pay for.
88
00:03:32,867 --> 00:03:34,933
And all it took was
a little bit of courage
89
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:37,067
for her to find her voice.
90
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,067
The end.
91
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:40,700
- Thanks.
92
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,600
- Consider her whispered.
93
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,167
- Pearson can't hold us
accountable
94
00:03:50,267 --> 00:03:52,133
for our actions
outside of school.
95
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,300
We will not be silenced,
and we can't--
96
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,600
- Shh! I'm on the phone.
97
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,667
Yes, I would like to hear more
about the Wine Country
98
00:03:58,767 --> 00:04:01,200
getaway package.
99
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:02,900
- You guys, think about it.
100
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,733
If this could happen to Chelsea,
it could happen to any of us.
101
00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:07,400
- No, because we're
not idiots,
102
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,833
and we actually think
before we act.
103
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:11,133
- [coughing]
104
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,600
- I don't know what to do.
105
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,100
I mean, Chelsea's my best friend
in the whole world,
106
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,733
but it's the T word.
107
00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:19,700
- This is why you have to be
very careful on social media.
108
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,833
One time, I tweeted that
I love the Olive Garden,
109
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:25,400
and now my Italian friends
won't talk to me.
110
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,067
- Ms. Snap, you should have
vacated the premises
111
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,100
30 minutes ago.
112
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,233
- I'm on the phone.
113
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,333
- Principal Pearson,
114
00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:34,267
in support
of our sister Chelsea's right
115
00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:36,133
to a life outside of school,
116
00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:37,767
I have decided to be
the Rosa Parks
117
00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:38,900
of Fillmore Elementary...
118
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,133
- But you're white.
119
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:41,400
- And stand up for justice!
120
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,167
- She definitely sat down.
121
00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:44,567
- We're staging a walkout!
122
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:45,933
Come on, everyone!
123
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:48,200
To the parking lot!
124
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,567
- Suspended!
125
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:54,633
- [scoffs]
126
00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:00,633
[rock music]
127
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,133
- Great reading, everyone!
128
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,800
Now, what did we all learn
from the story?
129
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:08,167
[gasps]
Oh, Camille!
130
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:10,067
I'm so glad
you want to participate.
131
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:14,633
- I learned that Michael's lisp
hasn't gotten any better,
132
00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:16,467
McKenzie's nose whistles
when she breathes...
133
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:17,733
[nose whistles]
134
00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:20,600
And Bridget sucks at reading.
135
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,400
- Those aren't
very nice things to say.
136
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:28,933
What I meant was, what did we
learn from the story itself?
137
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,933
- Oh, well, I learned that
138
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:32,667
the poor little girl
in the story
139
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,067
is a lot like Linda,
140
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,867
because Linda
lives in an apartment
141
00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:40,933
and wears supermarket sneakers.
142
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,633
- Camille,
143
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,567
I'm very glad you're sharing
your voice with us,
144
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,767
but children in my class are not
allowed to speak like that.
145
00:05:48,867 --> 00:05:50,233
Okay?
146
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:53,967
- Oh! Because you know
everything about children.
147
00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:55,733
You don't even have
any children
148
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,167
because no one will marry you.
149
00:05:57,267 --> 00:06:00,533
[children gasp]
150
00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:03,500
- So you see,
Jesus forgave Peter,
151
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,467
even though
he spoke against him.
152
00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:08,400
And I'm sure
if Peter had used the T word
153
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,967
on scroll or parchment--
154
00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:12,467
- I'm not going to revoke
Ms. Snap
155
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:15,167
and Ms. Cannon's suspensions.
156
00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:17,767
- Oh, I'm just here
for Ms. Snap.
157
00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:20,833
I can't bear
to think of my best friend
158
00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:22,600
out there suffering.
159
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,433
[opera music]
160
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:26,400
- Mm. Ah!
161
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,833
I'm gonna need
to try that one again.
162
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:31,700
- I know you and Snap have
163
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,967
some sort
of master-slave relationship,
164
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,833
but what she did is
unacceptable.
165
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,333
- But what she did isn't nearly
as bad as some of the things
166
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,200
the other teachers do
outside of school.
167
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,367
- Really?
- Oh, yeah!
168
00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:45,400
At Mrs. Adler's
Wiccan ceremonies,
169
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:49,133
she has group s-e-x to make
the crops grow better.
170
00:06:49,233 --> 00:06:50,633
[dramatic music]
171
00:06:50,733 --> 00:06:51,700
- Hmm.
172
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,667
That does put things
in perspective.
173
00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:56,867
What else
do the other teachers do?
174
00:06:56,967 --> 00:07:00,167
- Oh, brother, so much stuff!
175
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,567
I was hoodwinked!
176
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,533
Principal Pearson asked me
so many questions,
177
00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:04,967
and I didn't realize
what was happening
178
00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:06,267
before it was too late!
179
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:07,800
- Too late for what?
180
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:10,500
- I told him all about
your horrible personal lives.
181
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,167
Deb, he knows you're a Wiccan.
182
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:13,500
- I'm sorry, what?
183
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,200
- Caroline, I told him
about the photos
184
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,533
from your sorority
Pimps and Hos party.
185
00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:18,867
- Flickr, 2006.
186
00:07:18,967 --> 00:07:21,900
- Feldman, I may have
accidentally told him
187
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,133
what happened at Bonnaroo!
188
00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:26,133
[dramatic music]
189
00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:27,567
*
190
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:29,133
I'm sorry!
191
00:07:29,233 --> 00:07:30,833
- Come on, what is the password?
192
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:31,833
[computer beeps]
193
00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:33,500
Yankeecandle272.
194
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,067
[computer beeps]
[groans]
195
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,233
Jacobswife9696.
196
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,533
[computer beeps]
197
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:39,833
Talbots?
198
00:07:39,933 --> 00:07:43,400
- I'm calling to follow up
on my assault case.
199
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,733
No, not the Air and Water Show.
The Phish concert.
200
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:50,400
- Mom, I need you to log in
to your YouTube page
201
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:53,433
and take down all of the Wiccan
videos you posted of me.
202
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:56,533
- AlwaysBrunchin8.
[high-pitched beep]
203
00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:58,933
Yes! Delete!
204
00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:01,600
- No, I can't delete them.
205
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:06,433
You posted them
from your YouTube account.
206
00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:09,067
Open your Internet browser.
207
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:11,900
Click on the little compass!
208
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:15,333
- So you never found Ms. Feldman
sleeping on a park bench
209
00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:18,133
that morning on your way
to school.
210
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:20,367
Good, but if that ever
happens again
211
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:23,067
and it's a school day,
wake me up.
212
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:24,333
- What are you doing?
213
00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:26,233
- Nothing.
What are you doing?
214
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,833
- Nothing.
215
00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:30,267
So you know that Camille kid?
216
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:31,700
- Mm, the shy kid
I whispered?
217
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,600
- Yeah. She sucks!
She needs to be unwhispered.
218
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,667
She's going around
insulting everyone.
219
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:39,333
- She's just experiencing
growing pains.
220
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:41,333
Think of this
as the chrysalis stage
221
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,067
before she emerges
as a butterfly.
222
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:46,433
- Who feeds on the nectar
of other people's insecurities.
223
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:50,267
What are you staring at?
224
00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:52,800
- I'm just trying to imagine you
at a Pimps and Hos party.
225
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,267
- I went as a classy hooker.
226
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,100
I was an escort
for boarding school headmasters.
227
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,167
[rock music]
228
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:01,700
*
229
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,433
- I'm totally freaking out.
- Me too.
230
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:04,767
I mean, getting suspended
231
00:09:04,867 --> 00:09:06,667
is like the first step
to becoming a crack whore!
232
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:08,467
- Hello, ladies.
- [gasps]
233
00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:11,200
all: Hello, Principal Pearson.
234
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,833
- How is everyone?
235
00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:14,533
- Pleasant and normal.
236
00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:16,533
- I've had
a very uneventful day.
237
00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:18,867
- Clearly, you're all aware
of the conversation
238
00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:20,467
Ms. Bennigan and I had.
239
00:09:20,567 --> 00:09:22,600
- I can neither confirm nor deny
240
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,867
my knowledge
of such an interaction.
241
00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:28,767
- I haven't found proof
of your misconduct yet,
242
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:32,967
but if I do, be prepared
for the same consequences
243
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:36,067
as Ms. Snap and Ms. Cannon.
244
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:42,967
- Oh, my God, I can't decoupage
on the streets.
245
00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:45,067
[rock music]
246
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,567
- Hiyo, girlios!
247
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:51,733
You guys, I didn't
tell Pearson everything.
248
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,800
I didn't tell him that you
stabbed the school accordion.
249
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,500
- I was putting it out
of its misery.
250
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,433
Wait, how did you know
about that?
251
00:09:57,533 --> 00:09:59,633
- Everybody knows about that.
- Oh, yeah?
252
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,333
Well, everybody knows about you
lying about your grandma dying,
253
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:04,833
so you could go
to roller derby regionals.
254
00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:07,767
- Uh, it was
the national semifinals.
255
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:09,067
- [laughs]
256
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,167
- Oh, that's funny,
Miss Queefing over the PA?
257
00:10:11,267 --> 00:10:12,567
- You said that was
between us!
258
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:14,700
- It's not a secret
if everyone can hear it.
259
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,267
- Apparently,
nothing is a secret.
260
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:17,800
- Stop it!
261
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,900
Why are we fighting?
We're the lucky ones.
262
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,567
We're still here!
Think about poor Chelsea.
263
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:29,300
- Mm.
Do you wanna see my tits?
264
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,800
[laughs]
265
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:34,200
- We're not the enemy.
Principal Pearson is!
266
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,933
- She's right.
267
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:38,400
He can't expect us to change
who we are outside of school.
268
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:39,833
- Yeah, I can't leave my coven.
269
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:41,667
I've already paid
my annual dues.
270
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,900
- And I'm sorry,
but women should be allowed
271
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,500
to dress like whores
if they want.
272
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,567
What are they going to do next?
Cancel Halloween?
273
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:52,133
- There's only one person
who can get us out of this mess.
274
00:10:52,233 --> 00:10:55,300
[doorbell gong chime]
275
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,467
[chanting music playing]
276
00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,767
- Well, well, well.
277
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,467
- * Take down
278
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,700
* Take down
279
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,067
- This smells interesting.
What is it?
280
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:12,300
- Yak butter tea.
281
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,067
It's made with the breast milk
of pack animals.
282
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,333
- [spitting]
283
00:11:16,433 --> 00:11:19,267
- Do you really not own
one chair?
284
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:22,133
- Chairs are first-world
constructs that eliminate
285
00:11:22,233 --> 00:11:23,667
our connection to the earth.
286
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,833
Okay, we've gotta draw attention
to our cause.
287
00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:27,800
You know what?
We need to organize a march.
288
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,333
- Again, you're white.
289
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,333
- It'll end with us
storming the Board of Education
290
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:32,667
with the community behind us!
291
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,400
Principal Pearson
can't ignore that.
292
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:38,133
Someone check the weather.
If it's nice, we'll march naked.
293
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:40,100
[rock music]
294
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,733
- I think the march will have
a great turnout.
295
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:44,467
I sent an e-vite to everyone
296
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,667
in my Celine Dion fan club,
Celine on Me.
297
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,467
- Ah, it's gonna be huge.
298
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,067
I told three different Domino's
delivery guys.
299
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:54,133
- You two stink
at teeter-totter!
300
00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:55,567
Everyone's laughing at you.
301
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:58,233
- That kid is the devil.
302
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,167
- She just needs
some gentle guidance.
303
00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:03,167
- What she needs is to be driven
off into the middle of the woods
304
00:12:03,267 --> 00:12:04,967
and left there.
305
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:06,833
- I got this.
306
00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:11,533
'Sup, girlfriend?
307
00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:13,333
- You're a real mess.
308
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,400
- [laughs]
Why would you say that?
309
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,833
- It's always the head cases
310
00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,933
that want to help
the quiet ones.
311
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:20,200
- Say what?
312
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,567
- Stop trying to get
your life right through me!
313
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:26,133
- Oh, okay, Ms. Feldman's
gonna tell you a story
314
00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:29,400
about a college otter
who got tweaked out on courage
315
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,067
and got a little bit
too mouthy!
316
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,200
- You already wasted
my time with this.
317
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,667
- Ah...zip it!
318
00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:38,067
Once there was
a formerly shy otter
319
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,867
who followed a band
by the name of Phish.
320
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:43,067
By the time Phish
was headlining Bonnaroo,
321
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:47,333
she decided that nobody was
a better Phish fan than she was.
322
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,633
And after a heated argument
on whether or not the band
323
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:53,533
had sold out
by doing stadium shows,
324
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:56,500
she ripped off
an antenna from a VW bus
325
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,700
and whipped a fake,
white Rasta otter with it
326
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,900
until he was really,
really, really hurt.
327
00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:05,100
But what she didn't know was,
328
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,900
that otter was
an undercover narcotics officer.
329
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:11,700
Mm-hmm.
She ended up in jail.
330
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,433
A prison otter's bitch.
331
00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,567
And all that
could have been avoided
332
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,133
if she hadn't used
her otter voice to be
333
00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:21,933
such a rotten little a-hole
to the other otters.
334
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,700
The end.
335
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,567
- I don't want to be
a prison otter's bitch!
336
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,367
I'm sorry!
337
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:32,367
[rock music]
338
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:37,467
*
339
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,800
- Bloostery, Ember,
we need to make sure
340
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,233
there are water stations
at every mile mark.
341
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:45,233
- Hi! You must be members
of Deb's coven.
342
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,233
I want to thank you
for canonizing our march
343
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,600
with your sacred invocations.
344
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:51,500
- I bribed them
with the nacho waterfall.
345
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,733
Get on it!
346
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,667
We can't have
dehydrated marchers!
347
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,533
Into the night,
my little ravens!
348
00:13:57,633 --> 00:13:58,933
- Great turnout.
349
00:13:59,067 --> 00:14:00,933
You would not believe
how many cute guys
350
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:02,567
support a woman's right
to dress like a ho.
351
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,900
- Yes!
- Check out my shirt.
352
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:07,900
[laughs] It's puff paint!
I made it myself.
353
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:10,400
- Cool. I made one too.
354
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,800
- Great!
We're all here.
355
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,800
Let's get this march started.
356
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:17,767
Ladies and gentlemen!
357
00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:21,333
Tonight we are taking back
the twat!
358
00:14:21,433 --> 00:14:23,700
Before we march,
I'd like to invite the woman
359
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,167
who started this all
to say a few words.
360
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,400
Chelsea Snap!
361
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:32,500
Chelsea?
362
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,167
[opera music]
363
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:36,733
- Ma'am, that's sold
by the ounce.
364
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:38,700
It's not complimentary.
365
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,900
- Go fuck yourself.
366
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,800
- I'm sure she'll be here
any second.
367
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,067
So everybody knows the plan.
368
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,467
We'll be marching
through the streets
369
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,200
to the Board of Education.
370
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:54,200
We are going to overcome
this oppression!
371
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,833
[crowd gasps]
372
00:14:55,933 --> 00:14:57,100
- Isn't this a little much?
373
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,867
- Mm, when did he shave
his mustache?
374
00:14:58,967 --> 00:15:02,267
- Principal Pearson!
375
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:03,800
- Yeah, we get it, Deb.
376
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,733
- No! Principal Pearson!
377
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:09,133
- Principal Pearson,
what are you doing here?
378
00:15:09,233 --> 00:15:11,933
- I'm a member
of Celine on Me.
379
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:14,333
You will all be held
accountable!
380
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:18,700
- No. This was my idea,
and I refuse to be silenced.
381
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,433
- Shush!
382
00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,067
You are all suspended!
383
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,600
- He can't stop us!
384
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:31,900
Look how many of us came out
to support this cause!
385
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,533
Let the march begin!
386
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,600
[dramatic music]
387
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,600
- All right,
it's about that time.
388
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:40,367
Who's here for Trivia Night?
389
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:42,133
[crowd cheers]
390
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,500
One minute, that way.
Have fun, guys!
391
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,433
[crowd cheers]
392
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:52,800
[banging on drum]
393
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,067
- [gasps]
394
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,800
- * Take down
395
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,567
* Take down
396
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:07,367
- Ms. Cannon, your suspension
isn't up until Monday.
397
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,067
- I'm so sorry to interrupt.
398
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:11,100
But I've had time to think,
399
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,133
and I just wanted
to let you know I understand now
400
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:15,567
that the actions of the staff
do reflect on the school.
401
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,133
- I'm glad.
402
00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:19,267
- In fact, I've been
researching the activities
403
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,267
of other staff members.
404
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:21,967
- Good for you.
405
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,733
- I didn't realize that you
spent a year in clown college.
406
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:26,167
- Yes, I did,
407
00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:30,167
in France, where it's considered
an art form.
408
00:16:30,267 --> 00:16:32,933
Now if you don't mind,
I'm busy.
409
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,867
- I also saw a video of you
410
00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:37,600
winning the 1987 quad-city
aerobics championships.
411
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,600
- Yes, Olivia Newton-John
presented me
412
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,667
with the Gold Headband.
413
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:45,200
Is there anything else?
414
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,600
- Actually, there is.
415
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,967
My friend Meadow, who I lived
in a yurt with in college,
416
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:51,267
works down
at the county courthouse.
417
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:54,300
And apparently in 1996,
you were arrested in Peoria
418
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,200
for publicly defecating
behind a Motel 6.
419
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,800
I'm just here to offer
my support, Toby.
420
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,733
I mean, I'd hate
to see you go down
421
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:04,233
in this witch-hunt environment.
422
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:11,133
And don't worry, I'll keep this
so no one gets a hold of it.
423
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:18,400
- I lost my room key.
424
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,433
- To Cecelia.
- Awesome.
425
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:22,867
- You're a baller, girl.
426
00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:25,167
- Yeah, thanks for getting
our suspensions revoked.
427
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:26,867
- I couldn't have done it
without you guys.
428
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,667
Now our personal lives
are nobody else's business.
429
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:31,400
- Ah, thank goodness.
430
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:34,067
It's like a weight has been
lifted off my shoulders.
431
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,100
I've been living in fear
this whole week.
432
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,500
- Why? What did you do,
Mary Louise?
433
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,400
- What I'm about to tell you
needs to stay in this room,
434
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,900
because if this gets out,
it will ruin me.
435
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,933
- Oh, my God.
- What is it?
436
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,800
- When I was in college...
437
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:52,200
- Please let this be
a shit show.
438
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,700
- I had
a nine-month correspondence
439
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,467
with David Hasselhoff!
440
00:17:57,567 --> 00:17:59,067
[sobbing]
441
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:06,067
[opera music]
442
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:10,333
[cell phone ringtone]
443
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:11,233
- [slurred] Hello?
444
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,333
- Ms. Snap? Principal Pearson.
445
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,767
Your suspension
has been revoked.
446
00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:19,067
We need you back.
447
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:20,567
- Fill 'er up, cowboy.
448
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:24,633
I'm about to get three more days
of vacation.
449
00:18:24,733 --> 00:18:25,767
Whoa--
450
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,167
[rock music]
451
00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:33,833
[rock music]
452
00:18:33,933 --> 00:18:42,067
*
453
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,833
- * Take down
454
00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:47,733
* Take down
455
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:50,233
* Take down
456
00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:51,900
* Take down
457
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:56,833
- Oh, yeah.
32524
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