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1
00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:07,567
[rock music]
2
00:00:07,667 --> 00:00:08,767
- * Tear it down *
3
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,467
- Everybody shut up.
4
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:18,133
I've got dibs
on the new AV camera today.
5
00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:19,667
Nobody check it out.
6
00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:21,300
I'm making my audition tape
for "The Bachelor."
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,233
I totally forgot it is due
by 5:00 p.m. today.
8
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:24,933
- I can't believe
you want to participate
9
00:00:25,033 --> 00:00:26,267
in that sexist institution.
10
00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:27,767
- It's not sexist.
11
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,133
It's almost all women.
12
00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:30,600
- I don't think
you understand.
13
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:32,633
- "The Bachelor"
is the one reality show
14
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,300
I'd actually go on...
15
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,300
if I had a more
flattering cry face.
16
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,800
- I feel the same way about
"Steven Seagal: Lawman."
17
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,900
- "The Bachelor" reinforces
archaic gender stereotypes.
18
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:43,933
- I know.
19
00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:45,300
I would be so perfect for it.
20
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,400
Who wants to be
my cameraperson?
21
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,000
- Good lucking finding a woman
22
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,267
who has low enough self-esteem
to enable you.
23
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,867
- I'll do it.
- Mary Louise!
24
00:00:51,967 --> 00:00:52,967
- Thank you.
25
00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:54,967
- [giggles]
- Yes.
26
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:56,967
- Good morning, ladies!
27
00:00:57,067 --> 00:00:58,700
I just want to remind everyone
28
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,167
that Superintendent Greg
29
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:01,467
is coming today.
30
00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:03,467
This visit needs to be flawless
31
00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:06,700
after Ms. Feldman's
potato battery explosion
32
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,133
last year.
33
00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:10,767
I don't need another
auto-tuned video of me
34
00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:12,400
on the internet.
35
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,233
* Ah, there's spuds
all over my face *
36
00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:16,400
* There's spuds
37
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,400
* Spuds all over my face
38
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,200
* Ah, there's spuds
all over my face *
39
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,200
* Help me
40
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:23,700
* Help me
41
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,767
* There's spuds
all over my face *
42
00:01:25,867 --> 00:01:27,233
* Call 911
43
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:30,633
I will not be humiliated
like that again.
44
00:01:30,733 --> 00:01:31,833
Everyone needs to be
45
00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:33,367
on their best behavior.
46
00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:34,733
Ms. Cannon.
- Oh.
47
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,067
Don't worry.
48
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,367
I'll be using fractions
to teach about
49
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:39,133
the inequalities
transgender people face.
50
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,633
- [laughs]
51
00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:44,967
Absolutely not.
52
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,400
You're studying shapes.
53
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:48,733
Construction paper and glue.
54
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:49,867
All day.
55
00:01:49,967 --> 00:01:51,500
Oh, and Feldman...
56
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,267
we're skipping your classroom.
57
00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:54,867
I don't want
the superintendent to know
58
00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,200
that you still teach here.
59
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,933
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
60
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,933
I'm prepared this year.
61
00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,333
I made a lesson plan.
62
00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:06,467
My class is doing a buttload
of oral reports,
63
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:09,200
and I put this dress
on layaway at Marshalls
64
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,167
two months ago.
65
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:13,100
- Not happening.
66
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,900
- Bro,
67
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:17,200
just give me one more chance.
68
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:20,833
- Fine. We'll stop by.
69
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,500
But if you want
to continue teaching here,
70
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,500
you will not embarrass me.
71
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,367
- I don't even know the meaning
of the word "embarrassment."
72
00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:34,333
- Oh, Jesus.
73
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:35,933
[rock music]
74
00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,267
- Take a good look, guys.
75
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:42,300
This is the man we've been
preparing all week to impress.
76
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,467
Now, what are we gonna say
when he comes in?
77
00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,933
- Buenos días, Superintendente.
78
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,500
- Bonjour, Directeur.
79
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,100
- Kon'nichiwa,
Superintendent-san.
80
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,100
- That was great.
81
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,533
Very natural.
82
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,167
- Should I show him how
I can fart with my armpit?
83
00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:58,267
[farting noises]
84
00:02:58,367 --> 00:02:59,533
- [laughs]
85
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:01,767
That might be
too impressive, Jason.
86
00:03:01,867 --> 00:03:04,933
Let's keep that light
under a bushel, okay?
87
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,233
- Hey.
88
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:07,800
I bought you a
"reading is a hoot" poster.
89
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,133
Thought you could use it
to cover your 50 Cent collage.
90
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,333
- Thanks, but I already
tricked it out.
91
00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:14,167
All right, guys,
let's finish our math homework.
92
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,600
Cool.
93
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:18,833
- You okay?
94
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:21,867
- I'm dialed in
with a laser-like focus.
95
00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:24,400
Every fiber of my
being is dedicated
96
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,067
to achieving one goal:
97
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:29,867
winning the respect of
Pearson and the superintendent.
98
00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:33,667
My entire life has led
up to this one moment.
99
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:35,633
There's nothing
that can stop me.
100
00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:38,500
- Wow. Sounds like you
got it all covered.
101
00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:41,433
- Jason crawled up
in the ceiling.
102
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,400
- I really hope Miss Snap
gets on "The Bachelor,"
103
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,300
because she inspires me.
104
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,633
I wanted to be a cheerleader,
105
00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:50,833
and Miss Snap coached me
for the tryouts.
106
00:03:50,933 --> 00:03:52,500
Ready?
Okay!
107
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,400
- One, two, three, four,
108
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,600
five, six, seven, eight.
109
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,600
- Not only did I
make the squad,
110
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,600
I became head cheerleader.
111
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,300
Thank you, Miss Snap.
112
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,933
- The superintendent is coming!
113
00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:06,367
- Quick! Back to your seat.
114
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,100
- Chelsea,
115
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,133
is it really worth lying
116
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:14,667
just to get on "The Bachelor"?
117
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,300
- Clearly, you haven't
seen the show.
118
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,300
Now go!
119
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,967
- [whimpers]
Okay.
120
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:25,167
- When I first learned
about the French-Indian War,
121
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:27,100
I was at a foam
party in Mexico.
122
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,167
[rock music]
123
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,833
- Jason.
124
00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:32,267
We don't want Miss Feldman
to look like a poop-face teacher
125
00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:34,467
in front of the superintendent,
do we?
126
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,067
- I don't care!
127
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,200
- Jason, please.
128
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,433
If you come down right now,
129
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:41,700
I'll give you ten dollars.
130
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:49,133
Or three dollars
and a fro-yo punch card.
131
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:51,067
The next one's free!
132
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,067
- No!
133
00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:59,700
- Oh, my gosh, Captain America
just walked in the room.
134
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,967
- Nice try. He's at
the S.H.I.E.L.D. hover base.
135
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:06,067
- Jason, get your mother[bleep]
[bleep]-ass butt
136
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:09,167
out of that mother[bleep]
[bleep]sucking ceiling.
137
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,733
[children laugh]
138
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:13,433
- Is he down yet?
139
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:15,067
- So not down!
140
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,467
- And Miss Feldman cursed.
141
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,967
- [laughs]
Oh, no she didn't.
142
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:21,100
Hillary, can you go
to Miss Feldman's drawer
143
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,067
and give everyone
a Wendy's coupon?
144
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,400
- I've got an idea.
145
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,267
We can smoke him out.
- What is that?
146
00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:28,700
- It's a bottle of Gap Dream
147
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,833
one of my students
gave me last Christmas.
148
00:05:30,933 --> 00:05:32,800
It's better than tear gas.
149
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,467
[spraying]
150
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:41,067
He'll be down in a second.
151
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,767
- [coughing]
152
00:05:42,867 --> 00:05:43,633
- Oh, my God.
153
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:45,067
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
154
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:46,333
Jason, stay where you are!
155
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,767
Oh!
156
00:05:47,867 --> 00:05:49,067
- [gasps]
157
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,567
- He's on the move.
158
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,333
* Tear it down
159
00:05:56,433 --> 00:05:57,600
*
160
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:59,167
* Tear it down
161
00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:05,267
- Okay, guys.
What do you think?
162
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,633
- Bigger.
163
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,267
- You're right.
Good eye.
164
00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:14,733
- Chelsea,
165
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,367
I just watched an episode
of "The Bachelor."
166
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,567
It's so romantic.
167
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:19,700
You're right.
168
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,367
It's totally worth lying for.
169
00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:22,433
- I know.
170
00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:23,667
It's like an all-star game
171
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:24,667
for morally corrupt
young sexies.
172
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:25,967
I have to be on it.
173
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:28,067
- We are gonna make you
look so beautiful.
174
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,700
- Totally slutty.
- Unpredictable.
175
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,400
- Slightly mentally ill.
- Vulnerable.
176
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,433
- A victim who hates herself.
177
00:06:33,533 --> 00:06:35,833
- Oh, my gosh.
178
00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:37,733
I'll get to hang out
with you every day
179
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:40,533
and then go home at night
and watch you on my TV.
180
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:41,933
- Eee!
- [laughs]
181
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,467
- We'll always be together.
182
00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:46,100
- Hey.
183
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,900
Have you heard any strange
noises coming from the ceiling?
184
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:48,933
- No. Why?
185
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:52,267
- Talk in the hall.
Helter-skelter.
186
00:06:54,433 --> 00:06:55,333
My bad, girl.
187
00:06:55,433 --> 00:06:56,600
[rock music]
188
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,967
No sign of him here.
189
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,233
- How could you lose
the kid in the ceiling?
190
00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:05,100
You're already on
Pearson's shit list.
191
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,333
- I know!
192
00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:08,933
And that was just for
blowing up a dumb-ass potato.
193
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,667
Can you imagine if he found out
194
00:07:10,767 --> 00:07:13,533
I started the 2013
lice outbreak?
195
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,400
That went statewide.
196
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,833
Statewide!
197
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,467
- You're the reason
I had to cut my hair?
198
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,767
I looked like Anne Hathaway
in the last half of "Les Mis."
199
00:07:20,867 --> 00:07:22,233
- I thought you guys knew that.
200
00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:26,067
- I was the only one who
got them in my hair down there.
201
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:26,867
- Lesson learned.
202
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:29,067
Never buy a fedora
at Goodwill.
203
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:30,200
- [giggling]
204
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,667
[clattering]
205
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:36,067
I'm gonna tell!
I'm gonna tell!
206
00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:37,600
This situation is FUBAR.
207
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,300
I got to contain this kid.
208
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:45,767
- I can assure you,
Superintendent,
209
00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:47,300
everyone's very excited
210
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,267
to show you what they've
been working on.
211
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,500
And no potato batteries.
212
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,633
- That wasn't funny.
213
00:07:55,733 --> 00:07:56,967
[rock music]
214
00:07:57,067 --> 00:08:00,067
- Very efficient cutting
of circle, square,
215
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,600
and triangle shapes, class.
216
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:04,733
Let's keep it up.
217
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:05,967
- Miss Cannon, look!
218
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,100
A snowman!
219
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,800
A snow man?
220
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,833
Can I ask you a question?
221
00:08:11,933 --> 00:08:13,967
Why is he a snow man?
222
00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:17,233
- Uh, because he's a man
and he's made of snow.
223
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,800
- You know, you could
make him a snow woman.
224
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,333
- But I don't want to.
225
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:22,800
- Why?
226
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,967
Are you threatened
by the power of a snow woman?
227
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,867
Do you know hard
a snow woman has to work
228
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:28,900
to stand in the same place
as a snow man?
229
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,733
- And that's all
the time we have here.
230
00:08:30,833 --> 00:08:32,267
Let's go to the gym
231
00:08:32,367 --> 00:08:34,667
and check in on Coach Boze's
fitness circuits.
232
00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:38,667
- Is this better?
233
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,600
- Snow transitioning.
234
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,067
I like it.
235
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:43,367
- [sighs]
236
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:45,467
[frantic music]
237
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,700
What's up?
238
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,200
- There's a raccoon
in the ceiling.
239
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,467
I'm-a blast him out.
240
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:51,567
- That's not a raccoon.
That's Jason C.
241
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:54,067
My ass is grass
if Pearson finds out.
242
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,900
- Oh. Right on.
243
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,167
I'll talk him down.
244
00:08:57,267 --> 00:08:58,667
I'm a volunteer
with a suicide hotline.
245
00:08:58,767 --> 00:08:59,667
- Really?
246
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:01,367
- Just a hobby.
- Cool.
247
00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:02,467
- Bummer.
248
00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:03,900
I really wanted
to use this thing.
249
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:05,400
- And we're rolling,
and we're rolling,
250
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:06,600
and action!
251
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,400
- And that's how you do math.
252
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,267
- Chelsea,
aren't you supposed to be
253
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:12,300
teaching social studies
right now?
254
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,133
- [gasps]
255
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,933
What did you just say to me?
256
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:22,100
- I said, you're supposed to be
teaching social studies.
257
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,833
- [gasps]
No one talks to me like that.
258
00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:27,767
[gasps]
Ahhh!
259
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,667
- You're acting crazy.
260
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,900
- I am not crazy!
261
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,200
[heavy breathing]
262
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,933
[shrieking]
263
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,833
- I don't have
a problem with women,
264
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:41,333
but women sometimes
have a problem with me.
265
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,667
- [screaming]
266
00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:45,933
- No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
267
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,300
This isn't real.
This is just acting.
268
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,533
- It's just catsup!
269
00:09:48,633 --> 00:09:50,567
- I don't want you to be
on "The Bachelor" anymore.
270
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,533
- Don't say that, Tiffany.
271
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,733
No, no, not like that.
272
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,633
Just don't say that.
273
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,267
- Jason.
274
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,400
I know how you feel.
275
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:00,600
I've been there.
276
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:01,700
16 years old.
277
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,967
Your period's late.
278
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,367
You don't know
who the father is.
279
00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:06,933
But suicide is not the answer.
280
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:09,100
- Deb, he's an eight-year-old
boy in a ceiling,
281
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,567
not a 16-year-old
girl on a ledge.
282
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,900
- Leave this to a professional.
283
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,500
I know the fantasy you're
playing through your mind.
284
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,500
Your friends and family
find you lying
285
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,000
in a pool of your own blood,
286
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,633
and that's when they
realize they were wrong.
287
00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,467
But the thing is,
288
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:27,633
you won't be there
to enjoy it.
289
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,267
Because there's
nothing after death,
290
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:30,733
so nothing matters.
291
00:10:30,833 --> 00:10:31,933
- Nothing matters?
292
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:33,433
I'm not coming down.
293
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,667
- You got to find
a new place to volunteer.
294
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:36,667
- I got it.
295
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:37,667
I got it.
296
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,000
Nobody can say no
297
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:43,133
to Mr. Waffles,
the happy-go-lucky platypus.
298
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:44,433
- No.
299
00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:46,833
- Don't be a puppet pooper, Deb.
300
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:50,500
Jason,
301
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,400
I have someone very special
I want you to meet.
302
00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:58,800
'Ello, Jason!
303
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:01,267
Time to come down
from the old ceiling,
304
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:03,567
so why don't you
grab a hold of me bill
305
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,167
and I'll bloody well
'elp you down!
306
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:07,533
[gasps]
307
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,900
Uh, okay, Jason.
308
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,467
That puppet took Miss Watson
eight weeks to make
309
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:16,133
at an intensive intermediate
puppeteering workshop.
310
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:17,800
So I'm just gonna need you
311
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:20,267
to just gently
pass him back down.
312
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:21,267
[ripping]
313
00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:22,267
Oh!
314
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:23,300
[gasps]
315
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,300
Oh, my God!
316
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,300
Mr. Waffles!
317
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,633
[whimpering]
318
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:28,833
Oh, my God.
319
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:31,067
[sobbing]
320
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,833
No.
321
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,067
- They must be at recess.
322
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,800
Let's come back later.
323
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,967
[crying]
324
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:47,433
- I gave up management
opportunities
325
00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:50,300
at the Great Steak
and Potato Company
326
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,800
to be a teacher.
327
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,833
I won't let Jason C.
take it all away from me.
328
00:11:58,767 --> 00:12:00,500
- Bring back the head!
329
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:11,633
Jason, my main man,
330
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:15,400
Miss Feldman really
needs you to stop moving.
331
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,233
[ripping]
332
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,467
You've got to be kidding me.
333
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:21,267
[ripping]
334
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,167
Damn it!
335
00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:25,567
Everything from Marshalls!
336
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:29,867
[dramatic music]
337
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:32,367
*
338
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:34,100
To survive war,
339
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,633
you must become war.
340
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,833
- Trevor and I were in love,
341
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:42,133
and then, on his 18th birthday,
342
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,167
he decided to have
elective plastic surgery
343
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:47,667
to eliminate his
nasolabial folds.
344
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,967
During the procedure,
345
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,633
he had a stroke
346
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:54,067
and lost all feeling
above his shoulders.
347
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,433
He couldn't feel his head.
348
00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:58,667
[fan activates]
349
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:01,533
[fan blowing]
350
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,200
- Okay, stop.
351
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:04,867
This isn't working!
352
00:13:04,967 --> 00:13:05,867
- No, it is!
353
00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:08,200
You look windswept!
354
00:13:09,233 --> 00:13:10,733
- Do I look sexy?!
355
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,100
- I suppose it was healthy,
356
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,367
but I got to say, I miss
sloppy joes and tater tots.
357
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:17,067
- I do too.
- [gasps]
358
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:19,067
- Superintendent Greg,
there you are!
359
00:13:19,167 --> 00:13:20,433
- We're a little busy.
360
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,867
We're on our way
to Miss Feldman's room.
361
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,233
- But-but-but first,
362
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,400
you have to see
the storage room.
363
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,200
- Uh-huh.
364
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:27,600
- It is the perfect place
365
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,733
to put a full-size loom.
366
00:13:29,833 --> 00:13:31,800
- Or a darkroom
367
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,533
for my postmortem photography.
368
00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:34,733
- Your what?
369
00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:36,767
- Just photography.
370
00:13:36,867 --> 00:13:38,500
- Well, this is a fun suit, huh?
371
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,067
What is this, gabardine?
372
00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:45,533
[dramatic music]
373
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:53,567
*
374
00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:00,833
- I will avenge you,
Mr. Waffles.
375
00:14:00,933 --> 00:14:02,667
[farting sound]
376
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,533
[farting sound continues]
377
00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,200
Armpit farts.
378
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:08,733
He's not far.
379
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,267
- Here's an idea
I want to run by you:
380
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:15,633
a mixer for single dads
381
00:14:15,733 --> 00:14:16,633
and teachers.
382
00:14:16,733 --> 00:14:17,800
- Thank you, ladies,
383
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,633
but we need to get
to Miss Feldman's class.
384
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:20,633
- But first, the cafeteria.
385
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:21,700
- We've already been.
386
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,167
- Yes, but we still
need to address
387
00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:24,467
the lack of...yogurt!
388
00:14:24,567 --> 00:14:26,367
I can't shake this
yeast infection,
389
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:28,900
and I'm sure as hell not putting
another Monistat bomb up my--
390
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,767
- Oh, let's go!
391
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:33,767
[dramatic music]
392
00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:39,167
*
393
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:40,567
- When we were camping,
394
00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:42,867
due to Trevor's lack of feeling
above the neck,
395
00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:46,467
he didn't notice a bear sniffing
and licking him as he slept,
396
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:49,967
so the bear at half his face.
397
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:51,367
And then when we went
to the hospital
398
00:14:51,467 --> 00:14:52,900
for the face transplant,
399
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,433
they put his half face
400
00:14:54,533 --> 00:14:56,133
on the side where he
already had half a face,
401
00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:58,533
so he had a double-half-face!
402
00:14:58,633 --> 00:14:59,867
[sobbing]
403
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,433
It was just so difficult...
404
00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:03,767
for me.
405
00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:06,767
[dramatic music]
406
00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:08,233
*
407
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,100
- It's a dead end.
408
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,367
It's over.
409
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:12,233
- No!
410
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,633
- You need to ask yourself,
411
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:17,833
do you want to do this
the easy way
412
00:15:17,933 --> 00:15:19,600
or the hard way?
413
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,067
- I'm never coming down!
414
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,267
Never!
415
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:27,333
- Hard way it is.
416
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,600
- And then he was
hit by a bus.
417
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,967
[sobs]
418
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,800
[sniffs]
419
00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:41,067
I'm hoping this will be
my second shot at love.
420
00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:44,500
- You could easily fit
50 to 60 single dads in here.
421
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,833
This classroom gets great light.
422
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:49,067
- Peas and rice!
423
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,767
- What is going on here?
424
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,733
- We were just...
425
00:15:54,833 --> 00:15:55,733
- Just what?
426
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,633
[crashing]
427
00:15:57,733 --> 00:16:00,233
- [groaning]
428
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:01,533
Oh, my God.
429
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:02,833
My perfect body.
430
00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:03,900
- Ohh.
431
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:07,900
[groans]
432
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,467
- Feldman!
433
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:20,633
- And that is why you should
never crawl up in a ceiling.
434
00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:22,500
- Feldman.
435
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,067
- We're making
a safety video.
436
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,533
Yes.
437
00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:28,767
I decided to take
the initiative
438
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:30,067
to make a safety video
439
00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:33,067
after last year's minor-in-
the-grand-scheme-of-things
440
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,900
potato battery incident.
441
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:37,800
Did you know
442
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:42,167
that one in seven...
443
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:44,400
thousand children die
444
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,767
in a ceiling-related accident?
445
00:16:47,867 --> 00:16:49,733
Let's make that stop.
446
00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:52,467
- Stop ceiling-related
accidents!
447
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:54,067
- These ceilings
are out of control.
448
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,067
- I lost a cousin to a ceiling.
449
00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:58,233
- Yes.
Ceilings hurt people.
450
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,600
- I am...
451
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:03,767
stunned.
452
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:06,467
- I know you have to get going,
Superintendent,
453
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,400
so...
454
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:14,367
- And cut!
455
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,467
All right, everybody.
That is lunch.
456
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,533
- I had nothing
to do with this.
457
00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:21,533
The teachers did
everything on their own.
458
00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:23,067
- That's very big
of you to admit, Toby.
459
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,867
Most principals try
to take all the credit.
460
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,500
That was an outstanding visit.
461
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,533
Your teachers are motivated,
462
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,167
constantly thinking
outside the box,
463
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:34,733
and brave feminists who realize
there's still work to be done.
464
00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:36,433
And that safety video--
465
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,167
very forward-thinking.
466
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,333
Color me impressed.
467
00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:42,467
- Thank you so much.
468
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,267
I am very proud of my staff.
469
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,700
- You should be.
470
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:59,433
- Yahoo!
471
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:04,667
- Okay, Jason, your 30 minutes
of ceiling time is up.
472
00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:11,900
- Miss Feldman,
473
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:15,367
why does Jason get to go
up in the ceiling every day?
474
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:19,567
- Because Jason brokered a deal
using leverage.
475
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,500
Does anyone know
what leverage is?
476
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,367
- Okay!
- One, two, three, four,
477
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:27,400
five, six, seven, eight.
478
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,800
* Ahh
479
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,067
* No one talks
to me like that *
480
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:32,633
* Ahh
481
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,933
* I'm not crazy
482
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,467
* Ah! Ah! Ah!
483
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:38,300
* Five, six, seven, eight
484
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,133
* [sobbing]
485
00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:42,067
* I'm not crazy
486
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:43,433
* Peas and rice
487
00:18:43,533 --> 00:18:45,500
* What did you
just say to me? *
488
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,267
* Peas and rice
489
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,200
* I'm not crazy
490
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,067
* Ah! Ah! Ah!
491
00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:52,400
* Shut it off!
492
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:54,500
* And that is why
you should never *
493
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,633
* crawl up in a ceiling
494
00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:11,767
*
495
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:15,500
- * Tear it down
496
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,333
* Tear it down
497
00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:21,100
* Tear it down
498
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,900
* Tear it down
499
00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:26,600
- Oh, yeah.
32758
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