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1
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,034
- Morning, sunshine.
I got us muffins.
2
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:11,068
- I can't do breakfast.
- Oh, don't worry.
3
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:13,275
I mashed one up and put
it in a coffee cup for you
4
00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:14,758
so no one'll know
you're eating carbs.
5
00:00:14,827 --> 00:00:16,620
- It's not that.
Mavis just told me
6
00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,827
that I have a parent/teacher
conference this morning.
7
00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:20,310
Apparently, it's a mom
8
00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:22,206
who wants to meet
just...'cause?
9
00:00:22,275 --> 00:00:23,724
- I can do the conference
for you.
10
00:00:23,793 --> 00:00:26,103
I can be you.
[snooty] Hi, I'm Ms. Snap.
11
00:00:26,172 --> 00:00:28,551
The only food I eat
is Diet Pepsi.
12
00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:32,344
- Yeah...I'm good.
13
00:00:32,413 --> 00:00:35,206
And I assure you, I can handle
any mom in that room.
14
00:00:35,275 --> 00:00:36,896
I'm just gonna politely
explain to her
15
00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:38,448
that whatever the problem is,
16
00:00:38,517 --> 00:00:40,551
it's because her kid's
an idiot.
17
00:00:41,931 --> 00:00:43,482
Mom?!
18
00:00:43,551 --> 00:00:46,172
- Hi!
19
00:00:46,241 --> 00:00:47,413
[rock music]
20
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,172
- ♪ Teachers ♪
21
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,931
♪ ♪
22
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,551
- What are you doing here?
23
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,931
I haven't seen
or heard from you
24
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,482
in, like, six years.
25
00:00:55,551 --> 00:00:58,068
- Huh.
It only felt like two.
26
00:00:58,137 --> 00:01:00,241
[laughing]
27
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,724
Oh, do we have to send out
a missing persons report
28
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,862
for your sense of humor?
- I guess I lost it
29
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,620
when you stopped
calling on my birthday.
30
00:01:06,689 --> 00:01:09,827
- Ugh. You know I don't
celebrate the aging process.
31
00:01:09,896 --> 00:01:14,000
Anyway, I'm here because
32
00:01:14,068 --> 00:01:16,000
I got married!
Yeah!
33
00:01:16,068 --> 00:01:18,448
Now, before you go getting
your thong in a wad
34
00:01:18,517 --> 00:01:20,413
about not being invited,
35
00:01:20,482 --> 00:01:23,448
it was a really small
ceremony.
36
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,137
About 175 people.
37
00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:27,931
- Whatever. Once you've
been to four of your weddings,
38
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,206
you've been to them all.
39
00:01:29,275 --> 00:01:31,517
- Well, Bob, my husband,
40
00:01:31,586 --> 00:01:33,482
has a daughter
named Stephanie,
41
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:36,689
and she's in your class.
Can you believe it?
42
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:37,896
I'm a mom!
43
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,241
- You've been a mom
for 32 years.
44
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:43,517
- I know, but now
I really feel like one.
45
00:01:43,586 --> 00:01:45,758
And I wanna get involved
with Stephie's education
46
00:01:45,827 --> 00:01:48,413
as much as possible--
room parent,
47
00:01:48,482 --> 00:01:51,103
field trips, chaperone--
all of it.
48
00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:53,586
- You never did any
of this for me growing up.
49
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,310
- You never stirred
my maternal instincts.
50
00:01:55,379 --> 00:01:56,620
No offense.
51
00:01:56,689 --> 00:01:58,586
- Offense taken!
- No, you can't do that.
52
00:01:58,655 --> 00:02:00,379
- I said no offense.
- Damn.
53
00:02:00,448 --> 00:02:02,413
- Come to dinner tonight.
54
00:02:02,482 --> 00:02:05,448
Meet Bob and spend some more
time with Stephanie.
55
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:07,482
- Wait--is this a trap?
56
00:02:07,551 --> 00:02:10,344
- No. I really want you
to come.
57
00:02:10,413 --> 00:02:12,896
By the way,
you look terrific, honey.
58
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:16,103
I actually like you
with thicker calves.
59
00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:17,793
Yeah!
60
00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:20,344
[dramatic sting]
61
00:02:20,413 --> 00:02:21,620
♪ ♪
62
00:02:21,689 --> 00:02:23,689
- Hey, Deb! Two more
acts signed up
63
00:02:23,758 --> 00:02:25,482
for the talent show.
This is gonna be a hoot.
64
00:02:25,551 --> 00:02:27,724
We'll be the best MCs
Fillmore's ever seen.
65
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:29,413
- Yeah. It's gonna be good.
66
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,724
I haven't been in
a talent show
67
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:32,344
since my band,
Orifice and the Sphincters,
68
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,758
got kicked out for
sexually explicit lyrics.
69
00:02:34,827 --> 00:02:37,103
- I'm excited. I'm gonna
create an act for students
70
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:38,586
who do not have
what our society
71
00:02:38,655 --> 00:02:40,896
narrowly defines as
"artistic aptitude."
72
00:02:40,965 --> 00:02:43,172
- So their talent
for the talent show
73
00:02:43,241 --> 00:02:44,551
is not having any talent?
74
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,620
- Mm-hmm!
- Ugh! I'm out of foundation,
75
00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:48,344
and I still
have Kevin James calves.
76
00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:49,931
- Is everything okay, Chelsea?
- No.
77
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,379
My mom is back.
78
00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:53,034
- Oh, wow!
Meeting your mom--
79
00:02:53,103 --> 00:02:54,689
this is a huge step for us.
80
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,000
Our relationship
is progressing.
81
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:57,448
Do you think
she'll like me?
82
00:02:57,517 --> 00:02:59,413
- You're not gonna meet her.
She's too busy
83
00:02:59,482 --> 00:03:01,896
with her new stepdaughter
who, bee-tee-dubs,
84
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:04,172
is my student,
Stephanie Harris.
85
00:03:04,241 --> 00:03:06,310
- Stephanie
is your stepsister?
86
00:03:06,379 --> 00:03:07,896
She just signed up
for the talent show.
87
00:03:07,965 --> 00:03:09,931
- What is she doing?
- A mother/daughter act.
88
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,862
- Are you serious?
This is the woman
89
00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:13,965
who left me floating
on an inflatable pizza
90
00:03:14,034 --> 00:03:16,586
in Lake Michigan
so she could go tan.
91
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,344
I washed ashore in Gary.
Gary!
92
00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:22,655
[tapping sounds]
93
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,793
- Caroline and Toby reporting
for talent show sign-ups.
94
00:03:25,862 --> 00:03:27,448
- Can you guess what
we're doing?
95
00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:28,965
- An act where you
saw each other in half
96
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,724
but it's not magic,
and you both die?
97
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,482
- No, silly.
We're the...
98
00:03:32,551 --> 00:03:34,793
both: Traveling Time Steps!
99
00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:36,689
- We've been taking
couples' tap lessons.
100
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,896
- And we're so excited
about performing in the show.
101
00:03:38,965 --> 00:03:41,275
- [squeals]
We're in, we're in!
102
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:42,827
And...slide!
103
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,655
both: Slide!
- I don't care
104
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:48,000
what anyone says.
Those two are related.
105
00:03:49,034 --> 00:03:50,931
- Welcome, everyone.
You're here because
106
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,689
you think you don't
have a talent.
107
00:03:52,758 --> 00:03:54,551
But talent is just
a passion expressed.
108
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,965
So what are you
passionate about?
109
00:03:57,034 --> 00:03:58,172
- Snakes.
110
00:03:58,241 --> 00:03:59,310
- Pretzels.
111
00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:00,689
- Okay!
Um...
112
00:04:00,758 --> 00:04:02,517
those are both valid.
113
00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:04,586
But what are some
important issues of the day
114
00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:07,241
that you care about?
115
00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:09,517
For instance...
116
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:11,655
our Earth is dying
a brutal death.
117
00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:13,275
- The Earth is dying?
118
00:04:13,344 --> 00:04:14,689
- Yes, Sandy, I agree!
119
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,482
Let's use this opportunity
120
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:18,206
to raise awareness
for global warming.
121
00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:19,413
- What's global
warming?
122
00:04:19,482 --> 00:04:21,517
- Exactly, Marty!
123
00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:22,827
That's the question
we need to answer!
124
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,931
I can see it now...
a bare stage
125
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,586
except for a giant
three-dimensional Earth
126
00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:29,620
behind us...
as we all sing about
127
00:04:29,689 --> 00:04:32,551
our imminent death.
128
00:04:34,551 --> 00:04:35,724
- Wait--hold!
129
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:38,758
- Sugar! Did I drop
my smile again?
130
00:04:38,827 --> 00:04:41,551
- No! But your time step
needs a time stop
131
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,137
until our moves
are in sync.
132
00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:45,034
- Well, maybe if we did
the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo"
133
00:04:45,103 --> 00:04:47,241
like I suggested,
I'd keep up better.
134
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:48,827
- "Shuffle Off to Buffalo"?
135
00:04:48,896 --> 00:04:50,758
What is this,
amateur hour?
136
00:04:50,827 --> 00:04:53,344
- Why do you get to make
all the decisions?
137
00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:56,551
This is just like when we tried
to redecorate the bathroom.
138
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,103
- We don't need
12 guest towels.
139
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,517
- I like to entertain.
- We live in a studio!
140
00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:03,965
- You have to let me
take charge sometimes!
141
00:05:05,689 --> 00:05:06,793
- Okay.
142
00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:09,448
- Good. I'll start now.
Take five.
143
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,931
- "Take five"?
144
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:15,034
- What? That's how they
take a break in show biz.
145
00:05:15,103 --> 00:05:18,103
[rock music]
146
00:05:20,689 --> 00:05:21,965
- [giggles]
147
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:24,551
- Remind me--how is it
you know Tanya again?
148
00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:26,379
- I'm her daughter.
149
00:05:26,448 --> 00:05:28,655
- That's right.
That's what it was.
150
00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,379
- Okay, party people,
151
00:05:30,448 --> 00:05:33,310
Tanya's famous meatloaf
is ready for take-off.
152
00:05:33,379 --> 00:05:35,655
- Wait--you made dinner?
153
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:38,137
- Yeah.
- Mom's a great cook.
154
00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:40,000
- Ohh...
- How nice.
155
00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:42,655
I grew up thinking
all food came out of a can.
156
00:05:42,724 --> 00:05:44,448
- Well...
- Okay, well--
157
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:46,000
Oh! Seriously?
158
00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:47,724
You can't diet slap me
anymore.
159
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:51,724
- In this family, we wait
until we say grace.
160
00:05:52,413 --> 00:05:54,000
- Pass.
161
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:58,310
- You know,
this reminds me of that time
162
00:05:58,379 --> 00:05:59,758
we all went camping
to Lake...
163
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,034
all: Shelbyville!
[laughter]
164
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,482
- Yes! And then we went
to that bizarre diner
165
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:07,068
and had the meatloaf special.
- Oh, that's right.
166
00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:09,172
[laughter]
That was fun.
167
00:06:09,241 --> 00:06:13,310
- [laughing]
168
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:15,000
[laugh fades]
169
00:06:15,068 --> 00:06:17,137
It sounds funny.
170
00:06:17,206 --> 00:06:19,827
- Mom, look, I made
a smiley face with my meatloaf!
171
00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:22,655
- Look at that!
My gal is so creative!
172
00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:23,931
- [strained laugh]
173
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,931
Look! I made one too.
174
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,034
Hi!
175
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:30,206
- Stop it, Chelsea.
You're 32.
176
00:06:30,275 --> 00:06:32,551
- You'd never say Stephanie's
age with such disgust.
177
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:34,482
- I would if she was
playing with her food
178
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,103
when she was
almost middle-aged.
179
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:38,413
- Okay. I don't have to
sit here and take this.
180
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,137
I gave up "RuPaul's
Drag Race" to be here,
181
00:06:41,206 --> 00:06:43,827
and this is the last day
of my free trial on Hulu,
182
00:06:43,896 --> 00:06:46,310
and now I have to buy
a subscription!
183
00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:49,482
[exhales]
Sashay away!
184
00:06:49,551 --> 00:06:51,758
[rock music]
185
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:55,413
♪ ♪
186
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,034
- So the criminal
justice system
187
00:06:57,103 --> 00:06:59,241
provides for the detection,
detainment,
188
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:01,000
and punishment of criminals.
189
00:07:01,068 --> 00:07:04,172
And, if your cheeks look like
God personally chiseled them,
190
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,724
after your release,
you get to be a model
191
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,724
and date the heiress
of "Topshop."
192
00:07:08,793 --> 00:07:10,448
Any questions?
193
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,103
No, thanks.
194
00:07:12,172 --> 00:07:14,551
- Ugh. If Mom was here,
she'd make you call on me.
195
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,448
- Well, Mom's not here,
is she?
196
00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:18,793
[scoffs]
Take out your workbooks.
197
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,103
- Hey, you can't
just take my stuff!
198
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:28,793
You have to ask
to borrow it.
199
00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:30,620
- Can I borrow it?
- No.
200
00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:31,896
[gasps] Uh-uh.
201
00:07:31,965 --> 00:07:33,931
It's mine!
- No! You have to share!
202
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,517
- Stop!
- You stop!
203
00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:37,068
- Give it to me!
204
00:07:37,137 --> 00:07:40,000
- Now you broke it!
I'm telling Mom!
205
00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,931
- What a tattletale,
am I right?
206
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:49,275
- Ms. Cannon, I have to
drop out of the show
207
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,068
'cause of soccer practice.
208
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,896
- So you're choosing
an inconsequential sport
209
00:07:52,965 --> 00:07:54,413
over the survival
of our planet?
210
00:07:54,482 --> 00:07:56,448
- I don't know.
I just go every Thursday.
211
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,241
- Fine. Go.
212
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,655
Listen up, people.
213
00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:03,172
The work we're doing here
matters,
214
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,034
but we're not going to
achieve our goals
215
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:06,448
unless we're 100%
committed.
216
00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:08,724
So I need you to take
a moment right now
217
00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,310
to look inside yourself
and decide,
218
00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:12,862
"Am I all in?"
'Cause if you're not,
219
00:08:12,931 --> 00:08:15,448
there's the door!
[epic music]
220
00:08:15,517 --> 00:08:16,965
[music stops]
221
00:08:24,586 --> 00:08:27,000
Okay. Well, Sandy,
222
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:31,827
Marty, let's finish
papier-macheing the Earth.
223
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,103
- There you are,
Care Bear.
224
00:08:35,172 --> 00:08:38,206
[tapping]
225
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:39,758
Guess what.
226
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:41,344
Since we've had
such a hard time
227
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:43,448
getting the act in shape,
I've taken the bull
228
00:08:43,517 --> 00:08:47,172
by the horns and booked us
a practice show for today.
229
00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:49,206
- Did you check on the space?
Did you send them a rider?
230
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,275
We don't even have
our new character shoes!
231
00:08:51,344 --> 00:08:53,896
- Caroline, I've taken care
of everything.
232
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,931
- Okay. You're in charge.
233
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,793
No more questions.
234
00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,827
My lips are sealed.
235
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:06,896
- Hey, you can't just
barge into my room!
236
00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:08,482
Have you ever heard
of knocking?
237
00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:11,586
- Oh, why, are you making a
Ken doll go down on you again?
238
00:09:11,655 --> 00:09:13,586
- You swore we'd
never speak of that.
239
00:09:13,655 --> 00:09:15,379
- Well, too bad!
240
00:09:15,448 --> 00:09:17,068
Stephanie said that you
were mean to her.
241
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:19,344
- What can I say?
She's weak.
242
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:22,000
- Like it or not, you are
a part of this family,
243
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,862
and we are going to
work it out.
244
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,827
- How are we supposed
to work it out?
245
00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:28,965
- I want you to come over
for a sleepover tonight.
246
00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:31,689
- Really?
A girls' night?
247
00:09:32,482 --> 00:09:34,379
That sounds cool.
I might...be there.
248
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:35,827
I will be there.
249
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:37,689
Bye, Mom.
250
00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:39,379
- Bye, honey.
251
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,000
- I like your pants.
252
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,965
- We probably should have
measured the door
253
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:45,310
before we started.
254
00:09:45,379 --> 00:09:48,724
- You know what?
Nothing's gonna stop us.
255
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,827
[slashing and grunting]
256
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,689
- That's actually
a great metaphor.
257
00:09:54,758 --> 00:09:57,310
[crunching]
258
00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:02,517
- [knocking] Hi! Ho!
- Hey, ho.
259
00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:05,724
- Why didn't you tell me
we were dressing up?
260
00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:07,172
I could have worn
my mermaid hair.
261
00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:09,172
- Ready, babe?
- Yeah.
262
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:11,551
[giggles]
263
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,172
- Are you guys leaving?
264
00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:15,965
- Yeah. We're going to see
a Def Leppard cover band.
265
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:17,655
- They're very accurate.
Their drummer only has
266
00:10:17,724 --> 00:10:18,793
one arm too.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:18,862 --> 00:10:20,344
- But what about
girls' night?
268
00:10:20,413 --> 00:10:21,620
- Well, girls' night
269
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,965
is for you and Steph, silly!
- Adios!
270
00:10:25,827 --> 00:10:28,206
- This is my room.
271
00:10:29,482 --> 00:10:31,827
- Do you seriously have
every Adora Doll?
272
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:34,551
Cottontail, Hearts Aflutter.
273
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:37,206
Shut up!
Sweet Cheeks?
274
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:39,482
This is everything I wanted
before I discovered guys.
275
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,206
- Our mom got 'em for me.
276
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:43,000
- Did you have to be
a certain weight?
277
00:10:43,068 --> 00:10:45,758
- No.
- Ugh! It's not fair!
278
00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:49,758
She was never there for me
the way she's there for you.
279
00:10:49,827 --> 00:10:52,482
I don't get it!
[crying]
280
00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:53,862
- I know how you feel.
281
00:10:53,931 --> 00:10:56,413
My real mom wasn't around
much either.
282
00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:57,862
But now that Tanya's here,
283
00:10:57,931 --> 00:11:00,413
it's like I know how
a real mom's supposed to act.
284
00:11:00,482 --> 00:11:01,827
- I wish I did.
285
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,068
- If it makes you
feel any better,
286
00:11:04,137 --> 00:11:05,862
my dad's a serial cheater
287
00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:08,310
and will probably
break our mom's heart.
288
00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:11,103
- That does help.
Thank you.
289
00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:13,379
[crying]
290
00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:14,965
Ohh...
291
00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:18,034
I'm sorry I was
so mean to you in class.
292
00:11:18,103 --> 00:11:20,068
You did not deserve that.
293
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,655
You're actually pretty cool
for a little sister.
294
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,344
- Thanks. I think
you're really cool.
295
00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:26,827
- I am.
296
00:11:26,896 --> 00:11:29,793
So, two cool chicks
with the house to themselves.
297
00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:31,344
- You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
298
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:32,965
- Let's get lit!
299
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:35,000
- ♪ Up top, body shots ♪
300
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:36,896
♪ Sand in some weird spots ♪
301
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:38,413
♪ Can't come film them ♪
302
00:11:38,482 --> 00:11:40,448
♪ 'Cause we're living
the dream ♪
303
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:43,172
♪ No, I'm not asleep,
I'm good ♪
304
00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:47,034
♪ And living the dream ♪
305
00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:51,172
- This is why
I never let you take charge.
306
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:53,000
- It was a mistake,
Caroline.
307
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:55,103
- Try catastrophe!
Your shoes have a matte finish,
308
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,206
and mine are patent leather!
Our feet are storytellers,
309
00:11:57,275 --> 00:11:59,000
and now they're telling
two different stories!
310
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:01,137
- I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.
311
00:12:01,206 --> 00:12:03,206
- You're right.
It pales in comparison
312
00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:04,862
to the fact
that we'll be
313
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:07,000
tapping on carpet!
314
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:14,172
And-a one, and-a two,
315
00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,379
and-a you know what
to do.
316
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:18,793
- Click, clack,
click, clack, clickety-clack,
317
00:12:18,862 --> 00:12:20,758
boom-boom!
- Stop making noises.
318
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,896
- Click, click,
click, click.
319
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,310
Click, click, click.
- Don't you dare
320
00:12:24,379 --> 00:12:27,034
make noises for my solo!
- And click and clack.
321
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,758
Click, click, click,
click,
322
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,827
clickety-clack.
Click, click,
323
00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:32,241
clickety-clack.
- Okay, stop!
324
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,413
Stop it!
- Click, click, click.
325
00:12:33,482 --> 00:12:35,896
Uh-oh.
- You just humiliated me
326
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:37,586
at the biggest venue
we've ever performed at.
327
00:12:37,655 --> 00:12:40,206
That's it!
I'm done!
328
00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:42,379
- Click, click, click,
click, click, click--
329
00:12:42,448 --> 00:12:43,517
- Stop it!
330
00:12:46,413 --> 00:12:48,655
- Did you freeze
my good water bra?
331
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,620
- [laughing]
332
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,068
No.
333
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:54,068
- Well, it burst
in the freezer.
334
00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:55,862
Now what am I supposed to
wear to church?
335
00:12:55,931 --> 00:12:57,482
- Relax. It was a prank.
336
00:12:57,551 --> 00:12:58,793
- Sorry, Mom.
337
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,068
- No. This is
all you, Chelsea.
338
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:03,206
You are a horrible
influence.
339
00:13:03,275 --> 00:13:05,793
Stephanie never would
have done this without you.
340
00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:08,379
Oh, you're such
a disappointment.
341
00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:14,241
[insistent beeping]
342
00:13:14,310 --> 00:13:16,103
- Ugh. I hate Amber Alerts.
343
00:13:16,172 --> 00:13:17,689
What do they want me to do,
put on a cape
344
00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:19,034
and go find the kid?
345
00:13:19,103 --> 00:13:20,758
Maybe we shouldn't have
pranked Mom.
346
00:13:20,827 --> 00:13:23,034
- Yeah.
She was really mad.
347
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,000
I've never seen her
forehead move before.
348
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:28,000
[sirens whooping]
- Crap.
349
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,344
Haven't paid parking
tickets in ten years.
350
00:13:31,551 --> 00:13:33,965
How much do I owe?
I'll Venmo you.
351
00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:35,758
- Hands up!
- Aah!
352
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:37,482
Aah!
353
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,793
- Your vehicle's the subject
of an Amber Alert.
354
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,206
We're placing you under
arrest for kidnapping.
355
00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:43,862
- What?
She's my stepsister!
356
00:13:43,931 --> 00:13:45,689
- I'm gonna read you
your Miranda rights.
357
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,965
- Well, I'm Chelsea,
not Miranda,
358
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:50,379
so why would you
read me her rights?
359
00:13:50,448 --> 00:13:53,068
♪ ♪
360
00:13:54,310 --> 00:13:55,689
- Thank you so much
for finding them.
361
00:13:55,758 --> 00:13:57,620
I'm sorry about
the false alarm.
362
00:13:57,689 --> 00:13:59,344
[giggles]
363
00:14:02,034 --> 00:14:03,724
- I can't believe
you did that.
364
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,137
- You got what you deserved.
365
00:14:05,206 --> 00:14:07,931
- You are unbelievable!
- Yeah.
366
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,413
- My whole life,
all I've ever done
367
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,034
is try to make you
happy.
368
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:13,344
But it's never enough.
369
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:15,551
I celebrated
my tenth birthday
370
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:18,068
five years in a row
so you wouldn't feel old.
371
00:14:18,137 --> 00:14:19,586
Not enough.
372
00:14:19,655 --> 00:14:21,586
I slept in the yard
when you brought guys home
373
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:23,655
because you said having
a kid in the house
374
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:24,965
made them uncomfortable.
375
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:26,241
Not enough!
376
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:29,034
I broke up with
my college boyfriend
377
00:14:29,103 --> 00:14:31,241
because you guys
had chemistry!
378
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:34,068
Not enough!
Then I even bond with Stephanie
379
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:36,034
who you're doing
all this stuff for
380
00:14:36,103 --> 00:14:38,103
that you never did
for me.
381
00:14:38,172 --> 00:14:41,000
Why am I not enough?
382
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,931
- I don't know
what to say.
383
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,931
- You don't have to say
anything.
384
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,517
I never wanna
see you again.
385
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:53,172
- W-wh--Wait, no!
Chelsea!
386
00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:56,310
Wait. I know
I was a terrible mom.
387
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,413
So when Stephanie
came along,
388
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,896
I just figured this
maybe my chance to...
389
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:02,448
get it right?
390
00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:07,448
But you should know
that I'm very proud of you.
391
00:15:08,655 --> 00:15:10,413
I mean, look at you.
392
00:15:10,482 --> 00:15:13,482
You're a smart,
successful,
393
00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:14,965
skinny teacher,
394
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,137
and you did it
all on your own.
395
00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:19,413
- Oh, my God.
396
00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:20,896
Did you just call me
skinny?
397
00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:23,137
- Like Nicole Richie.
398
00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:24,620
- I love you, Mom.
399
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:26,862
- I love you, Chels.
400
00:15:26,931 --> 00:15:29,068
[tearful laughing] Oh!
401
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,137
[violin end notes]
[applause]
402
00:15:34,689 --> 00:15:36,206
- I hate playing violin.
403
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:38,344
- Oh!
[laughing]
404
00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:42,344
- Well, that was
a quick act, folks.
405
00:15:42,413 --> 00:15:45,448
I thought he might
stringus along.
406
00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:48,827
- I'm glad he didn't. People
might have gotten violin...t.
407
00:15:48,896 --> 00:15:51,034
Hold for laughs.
408
00:15:51,103 --> 00:15:52,620
[low murmuring]
409
00:15:52,689 --> 00:15:55,241
Okay! Without further ado,
410
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:56,931
please welcome to the stage
411
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,344
The Traveling Time Steps!
412
00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:02,034
- There's only one now.
- What? There's--
413
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,689
The Traveling Time...
both: Step!
414
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:06,862
[light piano]
415
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:09,413
♪ ♪
416
00:16:09,482 --> 00:16:12,827
[tapping]
417
00:16:12,896 --> 00:16:20,586
♪ ♪
418
00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:23,827
[distant tapping]
419
00:16:26,896 --> 00:16:31,586
[piano starts again]
420
00:16:31,655 --> 00:16:33,241
♪ ♪
421
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,068
- [mouthing] Sorry.
422
00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:38,206
♪ ♪
423
00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:41,034
[cheers and applause]
424
00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:43,965
♪ ♪
425
00:16:44,034 --> 00:16:45,862
crowd: Oh!
426
00:16:45,931 --> 00:16:50,724
♪ ♪
427
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:03,758
- That was top notch.
428
00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,241
I'll bet I know
what those guys drank.
429
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:07,586
- What's that?
430
00:17:07,655 --> 00:17:09,206
- Tap water.
431
00:17:09,275 --> 00:17:12,275
[under breath] Make eye
contact with the audience...
432
00:17:13,586 --> 00:17:17,000
- Next up, Ms. Cannon
and two students.
433
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:19,827
[applause]
434
00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:21,344
[light piano]
435
00:17:21,413 --> 00:17:24,103
- ♪ Earth is our mother ♪
436
00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:27,862
♪ She gave us life ♪
437
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:30,551
♪ Listen to our song ♪
438
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:34,862
♪ And save her from strife ♪
439
00:17:34,931 --> 00:17:37,275
[hard rock chords]
- ♪ Mankind is murdering ♪
440
00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:40,448
♪ The Earth! ♪
441
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:43,103
♪ Methane, water vapor,
carbon dioxide ♪
442
00:17:43,172 --> 00:17:44,689
♪ It warms our planet ♪
443
00:17:44,758 --> 00:17:46,413
all: ♪ Kills her from
the inside ♪
444
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,689
♪ What is true,
through all this clatter ♪
445
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:52,000
♪ Does anyone care about
Black Lives Matter? ♪
446
00:17:52,068 --> 00:17:55,689
- We're all gonna die!
447
00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:58,586
[scattered clapping]
- Wow. Global warming?
448
00:17:58,655 --> 00:18:02,551
Someone call Nelly, 'cause
it' getting hot in hurrr.
449
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,517
Okay, for our final act,
450
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:08,620
please welcome Tanya Harris
and her two daughters.
451
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:11,241
- ♪ Walk,
na-na na-na na-na ♪
452
00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:13,137
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
453
00:18:13,206 --> 00:18:14,620
♪ The runway walk ♪
454
00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:16,931
♪ Na-na na-na na-na
na-na ♪
455
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,827
♪ Na-na na-na na-na na-na,
the runway walk ♪
456
00:18:19,896 --> 00:18:21,758
♪ Let me see your
runway walk ♪
457
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:24,103
♪ Make your heels click,
make the runway talk ♪
458
00:18:24,172 --> 00:18:26,413
♪ Come on, pretty women
taking pictures ♪
459
00:18:26,482 --> 00:18:29,517
♪ They never come outside
until they look vicious ♪
460
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:31,931
- Oh! Oh--
Chelsea, look out!
461
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,206
- Oh!
462
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:35,965
- Oh...
463
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,413
audience: Oh!
464
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:38,689
[Chelsea moans]
465
00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,137
- Thanks for doing
the show with me.
466
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,689
- Of course.
467
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,862
I'm sorry for quitting
The Traveling Time Steps.
468
00:18:47,931 --> 00:18:50,517
And you were right about
the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo."
469
00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:53,620
It is not
an amateur move.
470
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,206
What's wrong?
471
00:18:58,275 --> 00:18:59,931
- Listen, Care Bear,
472
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,103
you mean the world to me,
473
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:06,551
but I think we both know
this isn't working.
474
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:10,379
- Toblerone, are you
breaking up with me?
475
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:12,103
[somber music]
476
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,586
I know we've been
fighting a lot,
477
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:15,931
but I'm not myself.
I'm worried about
478
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,206
my financial situation--
479
00:19:17,275 --> 00:19:19,724
- It's not just you.
It's me too.
480
00:19:19,793 --> 00:19:23,758
I think we're both
having a hard time
481
00:19:23,827 --> 00:19:25,379
accommodating each other.
482
00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:27,413
- I'll stop watching
"The Property Brothers."
483
00:19:27,482 --> 00:19:29,172
I don't even find them
that attractive.
484
00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:32,827
- I'm a man, Caroline,
but I have eyes.
485
00:19:32,896 --> 00:19:35,655
Those two are Greek gods,
and you and I both know it.
486
00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:37,206
- Yeah.
487
00:19:39,862 --> 00:19:41,724
So is this really it?
488
00:19:41,793 --> 00:19:43,413
- I think it is.
489
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,586
[somber music]
490
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:53,620
♪ ♪
491
00:19:53,689 --> 00:19:57,379
Uh...we carpooled
this morning.
492
00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,655
Can I still get a ride?
493
00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:03,896
- Uh...I think it's probably
best if you get a Lyft.
494
00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:05,344
- Okay.
495
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:08,689
[bluesy chords]
496
00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:14,206
[rock music]
497
00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:21,068
♪ ♪
498
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,620
♪ I'm gonna teach her ♪
499
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:25,206
♪ ♪
500
00:20:25,275 --> 00:20:27,862
♪ Learn what you need ♪
501
00:20:27,931 --> 00:20:30,034
♪ ♪
502
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:33,344
♪ Said I'm gonna teach her ♪
35358
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