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- ♪ Mr. Beetle Boo ♪
2
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:09,586
♪ How do you do?
How do you do? ♪
3
00:00:09,655 --> 00:00:11,931
♪ Mr. Beetle Boo,
how do you do? ♪
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,655
And he says...
[giggles]
5
00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:15,655
[keys jingle]
6
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,344
What the...
7
00:00:17,413 --> 00:00:20,620
[handle rattling]
8
00:00:22,379 --> 00:00:24,827
[door clicks open]
Oh.
9
00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:26,551
Hi, Camille. Sorry.
10
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:29,068
I was dropping off my groceries
before school,
11
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:31,068
and my key isn't working.
12
00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:32,724
Do you still have a spare copy?
13
00:00:32,793 --> 00:00:36,275
- No.
They changed the locks on you.
14
00:00:36,344 --> 00:00:39,275
We don't want
your kind here.
15
00:00:40,482 --> 00:00:41,689
[door slams shut,
wreath thuds]
16
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:43,413
- [whispers] Oh.
17
00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:44,793
[ominous musical flourish]
18
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:46,413
What?
19
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:47,793
[door clicks open]
20
00:00:47,862 --> 00:00:49,344
- By "your kind,"
21
00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:51,034
I meant "poor."
22
00:00:51,103 --> 00:00:52,827
- Yeah, I got it, Camille!
23
00:00:52,896 --> 00:00:55,034
[rock music]
24
00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:57,172
- ♪ Teacher ♪
25
00:00:57,241 --> 00:00:58,413
♪ Oh ♪
26
00:00:58,482 --> 00:00:59,517
- It's a new dating app
I'm on
27
00:00:59,586 --> 00:01:00,965
called Silver Smooch.
28
00:01:01,034 --> 00:01:03,275
It's basically Tinder
but for old people.
29
00:01:03,344 --> 00:01:04,862
- So it's a hookup app.
30
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,241
- Okay, first of all,
31
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:07,793
whether or not Tinder
is a hookup app
32
00:01:07,862 --> 00:01:09,448
is one of the great debates
of our time.
33
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:11,931
And secondly, I'm using
Silver Smooch
34
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,172
to find a fulfilling
adult relationship
35
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,206
with a mature man.
36
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,482
- You do know you're too flat
37
00:01:16,551 --> 00:01:17,862
to be the next
Anna Nicole Smith, right?
38
00:01:17,931 --> 00:01:19,206
- [gasps]
39
00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:21,275
I am not looking
for a sugar daddy, Deb.
40
00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:22,758
I'm looking for someone
with perspective.
41
00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:25,206
- Wow, Chelsea.
You really are evolving.
42
00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:26,344
- Thank you.
43
00:01:26,413 --> 00:01:27,827
And if his pubes are gray,
44
00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:29,655
I'll just close my eyes
when I'm down there.
45
00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:32,344
- [sobbing]
46
00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:33,482
- Caroline, what's wrong?
47
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,931
- I've been evicted.
48
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,206
I didn't even know
that was possible.
49
00:01:37,275 --> 00:01:38,896
I thought it only
happened to people
50
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,655
on gritty TV dramas.
51
00:01:40,724 --> 00:01:43,379
- Why'd you get evicted?
- I can't pay my rent.
52
00:01:43,448 --> 00:01:44,862
I told my landlord he'd get it
53
00:01:44,931 --> 00:01:47,172
as soon as my accounts
were unfrozen.
54
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,103
A Watson always pays her debts.
55
00:01:49,172 --> 00:01:50,793
- Like a Lannister.
- Oh, no.
56
00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:52,896
Mr. Lannister was kicked out
of the yacht club
57
00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:55,620
after he brought an escort
to the Commodore's Ball.
58
00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:58,413
- Okay, we're gonna need
to circle back to that.
59
00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:00,275
How much is your rent
that you can't pay it?
60
00:02:00,344 --> 00:02:03,241
- Normally, I wouldn't answer
such a gauche question,
61
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:04,620
but now that I'm
eviction poor,
62
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,793
nothing matters anyway.
63
00:02:06,862 --> 00:02:08,000
$4,000.
64
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,689
- Oh, boy!
- What?
65
00:02:09,758 --> 00:02:13,310
- My AC/DC-themed Alaskan
cruise didn't cost that much.
66
00:02:13,379 --> 00:02:14,586
- Sounds like you're
going to need something
67
00:02:14,655 --> 00:02:15,931
that's more in your budget.
68
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,931
I can help you.
- [laughs] Budget...
69
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,758
We used to make fun of people
with those when we were little.
70
00:02:25,862 --> 00:02:27,655
I mean thank you.
71
00:02:27,724 --> 00:02:28,758
- Ugly.
72
00:02:28,827 --> 00:02:29,655
Fugly.
73
00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:31,758
Fugnacious.
Fug life.
74
00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:34,482
Fugsly Addams.
- Hi, guys.
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00:02:35,344 --> 00:02:36,689
Hey, Botox.
76
00:02:36,758 --> 00:02:38,586
I didn't get your attendance
sheets this morning.
77
00:02:38,655 --> 00:02:40,482
Do I have to ask
for them every day?
78
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:41,827
- Stop exaggerating.
79
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,000
We don't come in
on the weekends.
80
00:02:44,068 --> 00:02:46,931
They're right there.
81
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,344
- I'm waiting.
82
00:02:49,413 --> 00:02:50,620
- So am I.
83
00:02:50,689 --> 00:02:53,241
[foreboding music]
84
00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:54,862
- Ugh.
85
00:02:58,517 --> 00:03:00,517
Looking up
"symptoms of chlamydia"?
86
00:03:00,586 --> 00:03:02,827
- If you must know,
I'm on Silver Smooch.
87
00:03:02,896 --> 00:03:05,172
- Oh.
That'll work out well for you.
88
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:06,931
If they're hard of hearing,
maybe they won't
89
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,862
be able to tell
you're an idiot.
90
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:11,275
- Maybe they will be able
to tell you're an idiot.
91
00:03:11,344 --> 00:03:12,620
- Sweet burn.
If you're lucky,
92
00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:14,620
maybe you'll find someone
who's blind.
93
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,517
Of course, it'll be
over once they do
94
00:03:16,586 --> 00:03:18,034
that "feel your face" thing.
95
00:03:18,103 --> 00:03:21,103
- At least I have both
of my original knees, bitch.
96
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:25,724
Sorry. Language.
97
00:03:26,931 --> 00:03:28,551
You can go now.
98
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:31,034
Or do you need someone to wheel
you back to your coffin?
99
00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:32,655
- [exhales sharply]
100
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,896
- Gross. Sick. Ugly. Pervert.
101
00:03:36,965 --> 00:03:39,689
[rock music]
102
00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:43,482
- Now, what you're smelling
is cat piss
103
00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:46,413
with a hint of dead possum.
104
00:03:46,482 --> 00:03:48,000
Don't worry.
They're long gone.
105
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,620
Raccoon killed 'em both.
106
00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:51,965
Chewed right through the wall
and dragged the carcasses out.
107
00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:54,482
Did our job for us.
Hakuna matata.
108
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,310
- How quaint.
109
00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:58,965
- Now you never have to worry
about a glare in this apartment
110
00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:00,896
because the sun is almost
completely obstructed
111
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:02,620
by that prison
across the street.
112
00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:04,344
[siren wailing]
[murmuring indistinctly]
113
00:04:04,413 --> 00:04:06,758
- Uh, listen, Darnell...
- Mm-hmm.
114
00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,551
- I'm not quite sure
this place is to my taste.
115
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,620
It's, um...
116
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,310
You know what?
I can't be polite,
117
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,758
so I'm going
to stop talking.
118
00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,793
- Personally,
I see a lot of upside.
119
00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:19,724
The six bolt locks
on the door mean
120
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,827
you don't need an alarm system.
121
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:24,586
- [gasps]
- Before you ask, uh,
122
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:25,793
the owner of the
building insisted
123
00:04:25,862 --> 00:04:27,275
those are not
bullet holes.
124
00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:28,758
Those are from termites.
125
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,965
- Maybe you can get 'em
to split the rent with you.
126
00:04:31,034 --> 00:04:34,448
- Oh, no,
one of my pearls fell out.
127
00:04:36,413 --> 00:04:38,068
It's a human tooth.
128
00:04:38,137 --> 00:04:40,000
We're leaving.
- If y'all change your mind,
129
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,793
got to let me know quick,
all right?
130
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:44,310
It's the only unit that
no one's been murdered in!
131
00:04:44,379 --> 00:04:47,310
[rock music]
132
00:04:47,379 --> 00:04:48,517
♪ ♪
133
00:04:48,586 --> 00:04:50,172
- Miss Bennigan?
134
00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:52,586
- Oh, hi, Benji.
135
00:04:52,655 --> 00:04:55,068
- What are you doing here?
136
00:04:55,137 --> 00:04:56,793
- I'm grocery shopping.
137
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:59,103
- But you're a teacher.
138
00:04:59,172 --> 00:05:01,172
- Yeah. So?
139
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,517
Okay.
140
00:05:07,586 --> 00:05:11,724
Well, I guess
I'll see you at school.
141
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:14,724
[rock music]
142
00:05:14,793 --> 00:05:16,310
♪ ♪
143
00:05:16,379 --> 00:05:19,206
[alarm beeping]
144
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:22,275
[beeping continues]
145
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:28,103
- [gasps]
Oh, no.
146
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,068
[beeping stops]
147
00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,137
[window blinds clatter]
148
00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,310
- Caroline?
149
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,379
What are you doing?
150
00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:40,482
- I just thought
it would be fun
151
00:05:40,551 --> 00:05:42,931
to work in my nightgown today.
152
00:05:44,448 --> 00:05:45,551
Fine.
153
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:47,413
I slept here last night.
154
00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:49,689
- What?
Why would you do that?
155
00:05:49,758 --> 00:05:53,034
- Because I got evicted.
- And you didn't tell me?
156
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,413
- [sighs]
157
00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:56,206
I'm sorry.
158
00:05:56,275 --> 00:06:00,206
I was embarrassed.
- Oh, Caroline.
159
00:06:00,275 --> 00:06:02,862
- I was hoping to find a place
before you found out,
160
00:06:02,931 --> 00:06:05,172
but unfortunately,
all the apartments
161
00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:07,862
on the Craigs place
are former murder dens.
162
00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:10,965
But don't worry.
I'll find something.
163
00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:12,862
- Care Bear, this is silly.
164
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,758
Just move in with me.
165
00:06:14,827 --> 00:06:18,172
- But we've only been dating
for six months.
166
00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:19,448
- I think we're ready.
167
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,034
- I haven't even stayed over.
168
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:22,896
We always sleep at my place
because of the...
169
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:25,275
both: King-sized bed
and cappuccino maker.
170
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:28,275
[both laughing]
171
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:31,517
- Caroline Beatrice Lavinia
Watson, move in with me.
172
00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:33,172
I won't take "no"
for an answer.
173
00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:35,172
- Okay. Okay! Oh.
174
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:38,068
- Okay!
- Let's move in together!
175
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:40,482
- Oh, you've made me
a very happy man.
176
00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:41,896
- I have?
177
00:06:41,965 --> 00:06:45,482
- Celebrate with a quick trip
to the Pacifica?
178
00:06:45,551 --> 00:06:46,827
- Oh.
179
00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:48,517
[gentle acoustic guitar
music]
180
00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,827
- Chelsea, you're not
swiping right on anybody.
181
00:06:50,896 --> 00:06:52,827
- I have high standards
when it comes to men.
182
00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:55,448
- The last guy you hooked up
with had his nose shot off.
183
00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:57,275
- He was in a Hummer
stretch limo.
184
00:06:57,344 --> 00:06:58,655
Context.
185
00:06:58,724 --> 00:07:01,206
Look at these guys.
These suck.
186
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:02,517
Here we go, "Orland,
187
00:07:02,586 --> 00:07:04,724
"93, German expat.
188
00:07:04,793 --> 00:07:06,482
"Has had to make
some hard choices.
189
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,275
Don't ask too many questions."
190
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,413
Yikes.
191
00:07:09,482 --> 00:07:11,206
"Abdul, 68.
192
00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:14,103
Proud grandfather and veteran.
No limbs."
193
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,344
Too high maintenance.
Oh, my God.
194
00:07:16,413 --> 00:07:18,413
This guy is a piece.
195
00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,172
"Miles, 55.
196
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:22,586
Retired CEO
of Fortune 500 company."
197
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,137
[gasps]
"No kids.
198
00:07:24,206 --> 00:07:26,655
I enjoy sushi and sailing
my boat to Key West."
199
00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:28,379
Oh, my God,
I love sushi,
200
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,965
and Key West could be the name
of Kimye's next baby.
201
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,931
[giggles]
This guy's perfect.
202
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,275
[gasps]
It's a match!
203
00:07:35,344 --> 00:07:36,413
[giggles]
204
00:07:36,482 --> 00:07:37,620
[dramatic musical flourish]
205
00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:39,793
- You just got catfished,
bitch.
206
00:07:39,862 --> 00:07:41,793
[chuckles]
207
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:45,689
[rock music]
208
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:51,724
♪ ♪
209
00:07:51,793 --> 00:07:54,655
- Toby, do you mind
if I move these laser discs
210
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,137
so I can put a doily
on this side table?
211
00:07:57,206 --> 00:07:59,034
- Not at all.
212
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,965
Those are ones
I pulled out to watch,
213
00:08:01,034 --> 00:08:02,655
but I can just write down
the titles
214
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:05,379
and pull 'em out
again later.
215
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:07,655
Do you mind if I
put these dishes
216
00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:09,379
in the bottom of the closet?
217
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:11,931
We don't really need 'em since
I've already got my dishes.
218
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,655
- Sure.
Oh, but do you mind
219
00:08:14,724 --> 00:08:17,206
if we keep just one of my bowls
in the cabinet?
220
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:19,241
It holds just the perfect
amount of cereal
221
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:21,758
for breakfast in the morning.
- Sure thing.
222
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:23,965
If it's a different size
from the rest of my bowls,
223
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:26,724
I'll just put it on the bottom
or top of the stack.
224
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,172
It's bigger than the rest
of my bowls.
225
00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:36,655
So we'll just have to lift up
the stack of bowls
226
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,448
and put it on the bottom.
227
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,103
- Great.
228
00:08:40,172 --> 00:08:42,310
Do you mind
if I unplug your lamp
229
00:08:42,379 --> 00:08:44,103
so I can charge my phone?
230
00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:45,448
- Not at all.
231
00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:47,862
It's my reading light,
but if I want to read,
232
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:50,448
I'll just unplug your charger,
plug in the lamp,
233
00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:51,758
and then when I'm done,
234
00:08:51,827 --> 00:08:53,034
I'll unplug the lamp
235
00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:54,551
and plug your charger
back in.
236
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,241
Easy peasy.
- Easy peasy.
237
00:08:57,310 --> 00:09:00,241
[rock music]
238
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,965
♪ ♪
239
00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:05,724
- Miss Bennigan?
- Hi, Benji.
240
00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:07,724
- What are you doing?
- I'm jogging.
241
00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:09,793
- On the street?
- Yeah.
242
00:09:09,862 --> 00:09:11,137
I live right
down the street.
243
00:09:11,206 --> 00:09:13,137
- You live down the street?
- Okay.
244
00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:15,482
- I thought you lived
at school!
245
00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:17,827
Why don't you live at school?
246
00:09:17,896 --> 00:09:19,379
[keys clicking]
247
00:09:19,448 --> 00:09:22,379
[jazzy music]
248
00:09:22,448 --> 00:09:29,448
♪ ♪
249
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:40,689
- [snorts]
Liar.
250
00:09:40,758 --> 00:09:46,000
♪ ♪
251
00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:53,000
- Thank you.
252
00:09:53,068 --> 00:10:00,068
♪ ♪
253
00:10:09,103 --> 00:10:11,172
No.
254
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:12,689
[sighs]
255
00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:18,551
♪ ♪
256
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,896
[whispers] Class it up.
257
00:10:19,965 --> 00:10:22,758
- This bitch is heinous
to her anus.
258
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,758
- Oh.
- So how's home sweet home
259
00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:27,137
with Toby?
- Oh, it's lovely.
260
00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:29,689
His studio's turned
into our little love nest.
261
00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:31,517
- Aw, that's great.
- Yeah.
262
00:10:31,586 --> 00:10:33,689
It's been easy peasy.
263
00:10:34,862 --> 00:10:36,241
Question.
264
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,793
Do you ever...
eat in bed?
265
00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,896
- Like breakfast in bed?
- No.
266
00:10:40,965 --> 00:10:43,517
More like...
before you go to sleep.
267
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:45,275
Do you ever just...
268
00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:47,344
chew taffy?
269
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,068
Like cud?
270
00:10:49,137 --> 00:10:51,689
- No.
- Toby does.
271
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:53,827
He sure does.
[chuckles]
272
00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:55,206
You know what else
is interesting?
273
00:10:55,275 --> 00:10:57,827
He has inspirational quotes
everywhere.
274
00:10:57,896 --> 00:10:59,241
Everywhere.
275
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,000
Like the kind you buy
near the checkout
276
00:11:01,068 --> 00:11:02,241
at Bed Bath & Beyond.
277
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:04,275
- What's wrong
with inspiring quotes?
278
00:11:06,896 --> 00:11:08,758
- Nothing.
279
00:11:08,827 --> 00:11:10,965
It's just interesting.
280
00:11:11,034 --> 00:11:12,862
You know what else
is interesting?
281
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,310
He highlights
every other word
282
00:11:14,379 --> 00:11:16,241
of Vicki Lawrence's
autobiography.
283
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,482
I mean, what could
Vicki Lawrence have to say
284
00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:20,000
that's so important?
285
00:11:20,068 --> 00:11:22,344
- Everything okay?
- I don't know.
286
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:25,448
Maybe we moved in
together too soon.
287
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:28,344
I'm realizing there's so much
we don't know about each other.
288
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:29,931
- The first time
I moved in with a partner,
289
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,793
we fought every day
for the first month.
290
00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:33,862
But with all
the intense arguing
291
00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,379
came the most rewarding
lovemaking of my life.
292
00:11:36,448 --> 00:11:37,620
- You're right.
293
00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:40,344
I'm sure it'll work out.
- Yeah.
294
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:42,448
Although, in the end,
she did steal my laptop
295
00:11:42,517 --> 00:11:43,620
and give me HPV.
296
00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:46,620
[rock music]
297
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:49,931
♪ ♪
298
00:11:50,862 --> 00:11:52,551
- Are you kidding me?
299
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,965
Are you kidding me?
300
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:57,689
[rock music]
301
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,758
[light jazz music]
302
00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,275
♪ ♪
303
00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:03,724
- Showtime.
304
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:11,000
♪ ♪
305
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:16,344
She's wearing
real clothes.
306
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:18,931
No tube top.
What the hell?
307
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,655
♪ ♪
308
00:12:23,724 --> 00:12:26,965
- [mouthing words]
309
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:29,000
♪ ♪
310
00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:32,137
- She wrote out
what she's gonna say.
311
00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:33,517
Oh...
312
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,344
crap.
313
00:12:35,413 --> 00:12:36,862
[rock music]
314
00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:38,793
- [grunts]
315
00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:40,000
[grunts and exhales]
316
00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:44,793
- [humming
"Mr. Beetle Boo"]
317
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,827
♪ ♪
318
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,482
- Care Bear.
- Hmm?
319
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,862
- Could you not hum, please?
320
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,034
- Oh, was I humming?
- Yes.
321
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:54,517
It's a little distracting.
322
00:12:54,586 --> 00:12:56,103
- I didn't even realize.
323
00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:58,517
Guess it's just what happens
when the music's in you.
324
00:12:58,586 --> 00:13:00,000
- [chuckles]
325
00:13:01,586 --> 00:13:03,482
[sighs,
murmuring indistinctly]
326
00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:08,000
[lips smacking exaggeratedly,
mouthing words]
327
00:13:08,068 --> 00:13:09,655
[exaggerated squelching]
328
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:13,034
- Toby, honey, could you not
mouth the words when you read?
329
00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:14,482
Your lips are smacking.
330
00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:17,241
- I'm sorry, sweetheart.
- That's okay.
331
00:13:18,448 --> 00:13:20,379
- Could you not light that?
[sighs]
332
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:23,310
Every time I smell toast,
I think I'm having a stroke.
333
00:13:23,379 --> 00:13:24,965
- The scent isn't "toast,"
Toby.
334
00:13:25,034 --> 00:13:26,758
It's "Santa's
Christmas Cookie."
335
00:13:26,827 --> 00:13:28,413
- How about we just
go to sleep?
336
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:37,241
[groans]
337
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,482
- What's this?
338
00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:42,896
- Whoops!
339
00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:45,482
That's...
some folded toilet paper
340
00:13:45,551 --> 00:13:48,758
I keep in my underwear
to catch any residual leakage
341
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:49,862
after I urinate.
342
00:13:49,931 --> 00:13:52,344
- Ugh!
Disgusting!
343
00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:54,724
- Wha--sorry!
344
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,448
- [sighs]
345
00:13:58,413 --> 00:13:59,448
- [exhales]
346
00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:03,034
Caroline, we can't
go to bed angry.
347
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:06,551
[gasps]
Wh-what is that?
348
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:08,724
- Moustache cream.
349
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,724
Oh, what?
So I'm revolting
350
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,517
for bleaching my upper lip
but you can have
351
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:15,137
a pee-spotted
man-pon in the bed?
352
00:14:15,206 --> 00:14:17,448
- I'm sorry!
I prefer not to go to bed
353
00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:19,551
with Wilford Brimley!
- [gasps]
354
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:21,517
How dare you?
355
00:14:21,586 --> 00:14:22,931
You know what?
356
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,137
Maybe I should never
have moved in
357
00:14:24,206 --> 00:14:25,172
in the first place.
358
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:28,827
- Maybe!
both: Fine!
359
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:30,482
- I have to wash this off.
360
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:32,931
Not because of you.
Because it burns like hell!
361
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,689
[rock music]
362
00:14:35,758 --> 00:14:37,172
[light jazz music]
363
00:14:37,241 --> 00:14:39,758
- Mmm-mmm-mmm.
364
00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:42,206
[muffled] Yeah, you can put
that right there, thank you.
365
00:14:42,275 --> 00:14:44,655
Mmm.
366
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:47,172
- Chelsea.
- Mavis?
367
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:48,586
♪ ♪
368
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:49,724
What are you doing here?
369
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:51,172
- I have to tell you
something.
370
00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:53,310
- Make it quick.
I'm on a hot, hot date
371
00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:55,241
with a hot, hot guy.
- No, you're not.
372
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,000
- Yes, I am.
He's just...
373
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:59,379
in the bathroom
taking a hot, hot dump.
374
00:14:59,448 --> 00:15:00,862
- No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is.
375
00:15:00,931 --> 00:15:02,034
- No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is!
376
00:15:02,103 --> 00:15:03,862
- No, he isn't!
I'm Miles.
377
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,137
♪ ♪
378
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:07,068
- What?
- [sighs]
379
00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:09,793
I'm Miles.
I catfished you.
380
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:13,137
♪ ♪
381
00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:14,862
- So you were...
382
00:15:14,931 --> 00:15:16,172
The whole time?
383
00:15:16,241 --> 00:15:18,724
- Yes. I'm sorry.
384
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,172
I realized watching you that--
385
00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:21,586
- You were watching me?
386
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:22,689
[spoon clatters]
387
00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,275
You are sick!
You know that?
388
00:15:24,344 --> 00:15:26,655
- I didn't think you would
take it this seriously.
389
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:29,724
- You took my dignity,
but you don't get my desserts!
390
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:33,034
[rock music]
391
00:15:33,103 --> 00:15:35,241
I'm taking a Lyft.
392
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:40,551
♪ ♪
393
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:44,620
[clock ticking]
394
00:15:44,689 --> 00:15:46,206
- [sighs]
395
00:15:46,275 --> 00:15:48,379
[gentle acoustic guitar
music]
396
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,620
Good night, Toblerone.
397
00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:57,448
♪ ♪
398
00:15:57,517 --> 00:16:00,413
- [sobbing]
It really does burn like hell.
399
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,862
[sobs]
400
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:08,206
[rock music]
401
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:10,931
- Benji,
time to put your book away
402
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,310
and work on your math.
403
00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:13,931
- Why should I listen to you?
404
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,137
You're not a teacher.
405
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:16,896
You're just a regular person.
406
00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:19,517
You're all just regular people!
407
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:21,965
- Yeah. That's right.
408
00:16:22,034 --> 00:16:25,758
Teachers are just
regular people.
409
00:16:25,827 --> 00:16:28,413
We have feelings and opinions
410
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:30,931
and crappy cars.
411
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,344
And I wake up every morning
at 6:00 a.m.
412
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:36,551
and drive in traffic
on the Dan Ryan--
413
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:39,413
the Dan Ryan--
414
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:41,413
to come here
and teach all of you,
415
00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:44,689
and I make less
than a party clown!
416
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:46,931
So, yeah, Benji,
417
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,275
I'm just a regular person.
418
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:53,551
Now take out
your dang worksheet!
419
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:57,517
[rock music]
420
00:16:57,586 --> 00:16:59,448
- Thanks, Mavis.
421
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:03,275
So...how was your date
with Miles?
422
00:17:03,344 --> 00:17:05,172
- He was a total loser.
423
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,965
He was one of those
weird older guys
424
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,275
with a jacked up upper body
425
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,931
and tiny little legs.
426
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,034
So...yeah.
427
00:17:12,103 --> 00:17:13,448
- I'm sorry, Chelsea.
428
00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:15,103
I know you were really
excited about him.
429
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:16,689
- Yeah, I was,
until I realized
430
00:17:16,758 --> 00:17:18,517
old people are lame,
really lame.
431
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,827
- Well, we'll get you
some cookie dough for lunch.
432
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:22,275
- Yeah.
433
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:27,068
- Chelsea...
434
00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:30,379
I am so sorry for what
I did last night.
435
00:17:30,448 --> 00:17:32,448
- Here are
my attendance sheets.
436
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:34,724
- Look.
- Mm.
437
00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:37,758
- You hurt my feelings
a lot over the years,
438
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:41,137
and I thought making you
feel small and unimportant
439
00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:43,931
might make me feel better,
but it didn't.
440
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,275
- You're a really bad person.
441
00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:47,068
- You're no angel either.
442
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:50,241
- I know I've been sometimes
a little bit kind of
443
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:51,793
barely at all rude to you,
444
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,275
but I have basically
been polite and respectful.
445
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:55,758
- What's my last name?
446
00:17:55,827 --> 00:17:57,413
- Mavis...
447
00:17:59,068 --> 00:18:03,068
Maaa-visss.
448
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:05,241
- My name is not Mavis Mavis.
449
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:08,068
- [sighs]
Fine.
450
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:09,517
I am sorry.
451
00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:11,034
I know I can be
a ratchet beast,
452
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:14,310
but I'm trying really hard
to be better.
453
00:18:14,379 --> 00:18:15,965
I should've been nicer to you.
454
00:18:16,034 --> 00:18:17,655
- Apology accepted.
455
00:18:17,724 --> 00:18:19,620
And I believe
there's a good person
456
00:18:19,689 --> 00:18:22,448
somewhere deep inside
that ratchet beast.
457
00:18:22,517 --> 00:18:24,448
- You're gonna make me
cry again.
458
00:18:24,517 --> 00:18:25,793
[giggles]
459
00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:28,896
[both chuckling]
460
00:18:28,965 --> 00:18:31,172
That felt weird.
- Yes, it did.
461
00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:33,103
Let's not do that again.
462
00:18:33,172 --> 00:18:34,551
[rock music]
463
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:37,482
- Toby.
- Caroline.
464
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:40,137
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
465
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,965
I'm really glad
you moved in with me.
466
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,448
- Me too.
467
00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:46,275
We're just experiencing
some growing pains.
468
00:18:46,344 --> 00:18:49,310
- Maybe we need
to establish some house rules.
469
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,482
- That's a great idea.
470
00:18:51,551 --> 00:18:53,413
You know who could help us
with that?
471
00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:55,931
- Caroline, Toby asks
that you refrain
472
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,275
from doing your vocal warm-ups
until at least 7:00 a.m.
473
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:02,068
- Fine, I'll save it
for the ride to school.
474
00:19:02,137 --> 00:19:04,379
- And, Toby, uh,
Caroline has proposed
475
00:19:04,448 --> 00:19:06,344
that you stop calling Target
"Targets."
476
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,551
- I don't do that.
477
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:08,896
- Where do we get
our paper towels?
478
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:10,379
- Targets.
479
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:12,379
Okay, I'll stop.
480
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:15,310
- Caroline, Toby asks that you
not refold his T-shirts.
481
00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:16,586
- So you want
your T-shirt stack to look
482
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,379
like something
out of a Dr. Seuss book?
483
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,137
- Caroline.
484
00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:22,241
- Okay.
- Great.
485
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,413
And, Toby, Caroline proposes
486
00:19:24,482 --> 00:19:27,068
you take down the signs
of inspirational quotes.
487
00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:29,793
- I'd rather not.
- Fine.
488
00:19:29,862 --> 00:19:33,172
But that's a big one.
- Moving on.
489
00:19:33,241 --> 00:19:34,896
What's a "man-pon"?
490
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,448
- Toby?
491
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:40,724
[rock music]
492
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:42,068
♪ ♪
493
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,724
- "No one had seen Harvey
in the dress.
494
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:48,000
"When he walked out
with breasts like torpedoes,
495
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:49,724
Tim immediately broke"--
496
00:19:49,793 --> 00:19:52,724
[both laughing]
497
00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:55,103
- Ahh.
498
00:19:55,172 --> 00:19:58,137
- "My eyes widened.
My lips began to quiver.
499
00:19:58,206 --> 00:19:59,586
"But I didn't break.
500
00:19:59,655 --> 00:20:02,241
I knew I deserved
my place in the show."
501
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:03,724
Hmm.
- Yeah.
502
00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,551
- Yeah, good for Vicki.
- I like that about her.
503
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:07,586
- Yeah.
- Know it. Own it.
504
00:20:07,655 --> 00:20:10,000
- Yeah, own it.
33987
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Wolof