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1
00:00:06,933 --> 00:00:09,867
[rock music]
2
00:00:09,933 --> 00:00:16,500
* *
3
00:00:20,733 --> 00:00:23,000
- No. It can't be.
4
00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:26,000
[tense music]
5
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:33,300
* *
6
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:39,933
children:
* Ring around the Rosie *
7
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,167
* Pocket full of posies *
8
00:00:42,233 --> 00:00:47,033
- * Ashes, ashes,
we all fall down *
9
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,033
- Chicken pox!
10
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,333
[distorted voice echoing]
11
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,100
[rock music]
12
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:02,067
- * Tear it down *
13
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,933
* Tear it down *
14
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:05,400
- [sighs]
Lost another one.
15
00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:07,200
Half the school is out
with chicken pox.
16
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,800
- Ugh. It's such
an ugly virus.
17
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:10,533
- Yeah,
it makes you feel horrible.
18
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,867
- No, I mean, it literally
makes you look ugly.
19
00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:14,333
- That's a beautiful dress.
20
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,733
What's the occasion?
21
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,400
- Oh, nothing.
22
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:20,267
I'm just asking
Hot Dad out today.
23
00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:21,867
[all gasp]
- I'm sorry, what?
24
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,133
- I'm asking Hot Dad out.
25
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,733
- Holy shit!
- [squeals]
26
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,467
- Whoa, whoa, careful!
That's not Mary Louise.
27
00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:28,167
That's a pod person.
28
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:29,767
- Since he asked me
to dance at the hoedown,
29
00:01:29,833 --> 00:01:31,767
I realized he likes me,
30
00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:32,867
and I like him,
31
00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:35,067
so why not just ask him out?
32
00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:36,467
[both squealing]
33
00:01:36,533 --> 00:01:37,933
- My little baby girl's
grown up.
34
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:40,400
- It is way too high-pitched
in here for me.
35
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,333
I'm happy
for you, Mary Louise.
36
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,333
Hit that fat D for me.
37
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,867
- Ugh. She's such a dude.
38
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,333
* *
39
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,333
- And that's
the scientific method.
40
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,133
[chuckles]
So let's review.
41
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,533
If I say that I think if
I wear this tube top to a bar,
42
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,300
men will buy me drinks,
what is that?
43
00:02:01,367 --> 00:02:03,100
- Gary?
- It's a hypothesis,
44
00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:06,067
because you think it's true,
but you haven't proven it yet.
45
00:02:06,067 --> 00:02:07,733
- Excellent.
46
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,633
But if I tell you that
I've literally gone to hundreds
47
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,700
of bars wearing this top,
and every time,
48
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:15,067
a man has bought me a drink,
what does my hypothesis become?
49
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:18,433
Jonah?
- A theory,
50
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:21,067
because you've proven it
over multiple trials.
51
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,667
- Very good.
52
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:25,367
Now, is there a way
for my drink-generating tube top
53
00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:27,667
to become a scientific law?
54
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,333
Nobody? Okay.
Well, it's time for gym.
55
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,333
So we'll get that answer
later today.
56
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,133
Oh, and tell Coach Bozy
57
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,400
that his short shorts leave
nothing to the imagination,
58
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,467
and thank you.
[chuckles]
59
00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:43,200
- Ms. Snap?
- Hey, Lily.
60
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:45,067
[gasps]
Your sweater is so cute.
61
00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,433
Can I borrow it sometime?
62
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,933
- How come
you never call on me?
63
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,267
- Oh, I'm sorry.
64
00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:52,067
I didn't see you
raising your hand.
65
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,900
It's probably because
your arms are so thin.
66
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,767
[chuckles]
Look! Twins!
67
00:02:55,833 --> 00:02:58,333
- But I always raise my hand
during science,
68
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,067
and you never pick me
or any of the girls.
69
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,367
You treat the boys
better than us.
70
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,100
- That's ridiculous, Lily.
71
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:08,167
Just today I helped Melissa K.
set up her makeup vlog.
72
00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:10,100
So your hypothesis is false.
73
00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:11,500
* *
74
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,567
- Hey, dude.
[sighs]
75
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:13,733
Can I borrow your broom?
76
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,533
I just smashed a cockroach.
77
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,133
I wanted to leave it there
to send a message
78
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,533
to the other cockroaches,
79
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,067
but Pearson said
I have to clean it up.
80
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,400
- Oh, my--
81
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,600
- What's wrong?
82
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,133
- You wouldn't understand.
83
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,800
It's a girl thing.
84
00:03:25,867 --> 00:03:29,400
- Well, I do possess
a vagina, so...
85
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,200
- A group of
my sorority sisters,
86
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,667
the ones I actually liked,
87
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:34,867
took a reunion trip to Mexico
without me.
88
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:36,067
- How do you know?
89
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,800
- Uh, Facebook. Hello?
90
00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:39,233
They didn't even have
the decency
91
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,567
to make the album private.
92
00:03:40,633 --> 00:03:42,267
Why wouldn't they invite me?
93
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,567
- I don't know. You should
call them up and ask them.
94
00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:46,500
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
95
00:03:46,567 --> 00:03:49,367
- [scoffs] Because that would
make me look crazy.
96
00:03:49,433 --> 00:03:50,900
How could they do this to me?
97
00:03:50,967 --> 00:03:52,900
- I told you.
Call them up and ask them.
98
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,767
- You're doing the same thing
that Jacob used to do.
99
00:03:54,833 --> 00:03:56,700
Stop trying to fix
the situation!
100
00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:58,833
God, Deb, this is exactly why
I don't talk to you
101
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,833
about these things!
102
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,467
- Okay.
103
00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,067
So where's the broom?
104
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,667
- Where it always is--
105
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,833
in the closet in between
the Dustbuster and the Swiffer.
106
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,100
How many times
do I have to tell you?
107
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:13,900
* *
108
00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:17,900
- Laura, you know there's
no gum allowed in school, right?
109
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,233
- I know.
That's why I put it in my hair.
110
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,133
- [sighs] I'll have to get
some peanut butter.
111
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,533
This is gonna take hours.
112
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,867
[knock at door]
113
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,067
- Hey.
114
00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:28,533
I'm a little early.
You ready for me?
115
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,533
[rock music]
116
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,533
* *
117
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:36,600
- * Huh! *
118
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:41,533
* *
119
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,600
* Huh! *
120
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:44,600
* *
121
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:47,133
- Oh, I'm ready, Hot Daddy.
122
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:50,600
- Where is everyone?
123
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,267
- Half the class is out sick
with the chicken pox.
124
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,667
But don't worry--the kids here
have already had it,
125
00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,133
so you're safe.
126
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,200
- I'm not worried.
Blake and I already got it
127
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:00,600
when he was in kindergarten.
128
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,067
It was actually kind of nice.
129
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:05,067
We took turns taking care
of each other.
130
00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:07,500
You want me to pass out
those worksheets?
131
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,867
- No.
132
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:14,733
I want you to go out tonight
133
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,100
with me on a date
134
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:19,200
with you tonight.
135
00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:26,267
- [stammers]
I would really like that.
136
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,600
- Great. It's a date.
137
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,600
[rock music]
138
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,133
* *
139
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,200
- * Huh! *
140
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,867
* *
141
00:05:35,933 --> 00:05:37,267
- Uh, sorry.
142
00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:40,267
- One of my students tried
to call me out this morning.
143
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,067
It was so funny.
[both chuckle]
144
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:45,067
- Was it 'cause you're 31 and
you still use glitter as makeup?
145
00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:46,733
- No.
146
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,733
Lily P. basically accused me
of being sexist towards women,
147
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,667
which is impossible
'cause I am a woman.
148
00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:53,267
- What'd she say you did?
149
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,267
- She said I don't call on
any of the girls in science.
150
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,267
- That's a thing.
There are studies that show
151
00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:01,600
that girls get called on
way less in math and science.
152
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:03,333
- But I don't do that.
153
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,067
- You sure, dog?
154
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:07,600
A lot of people have a gender
bias and don't even know it.
155
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,067
- Are you kidding me?
I love both genders equally.
156
00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:12,600
If anything,
I am biased towards women.
157
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:14,400
I'm always trying
to help them improve themselves
158
00:06:14,467 --> 00:06:17,300
by suggesting they wear
more makeup or lose weight.
159
00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:19,567
I don't do that for men.
[scoffs]
160
00:06:19,633 --> 00:06:22,567
[rock music]
161
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,300
- He's picking me up
after school.
162
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,100
[all squeal and scream]
163
00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:29,067
And he's taking me
to my favorite restaurant--
164
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,633
The Great American
Pasta Company.
165
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,433
[all screaming and cheering]
166
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:38,433
I'm going to be sugar and spice,
and who knows if I'll be nice?
167
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,900
all: Ooh!
168
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,300
- I think I'll wear my hair
like this.
169
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,833
- Oh, what's on your neck?
170
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,967
- What?
- Do you have chicken pox?
171
00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:48,200
- [scoffs] No. Of course not.
- Oh, girl--
172
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:50,133
- I don't have it.
- It really looks like it's--
173
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,767
- No, it doesn't look
like anything
174
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:53,467
because I don't have
the chicken pox
175
00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:55,233
'cause I have my date tonight,
so stop saying that I do.
176
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:58,633
[laughing] You're all
becoming hysterical.
177
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,233
It's a neck zit!
178
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,167
Haven't you ever seen a zit
on a neck before?
179
00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:04,067
- Then why are you
scratching it?
180
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:07,333
- Because, Cecelia,
sometimes zits can be itchy!
181
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,633
Leave me alone!
- Oh.
182
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,933
- She's got it, right?
- Oh, yeah. Bitch got the pox.
183
00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:20,900
- * Tear it down *
184
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:24,300
- Just keep the oatmeal on
your face for at least an hour.
185
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:25,900
- Mary Louise,
I hate to say this,
186
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,300
but you need to cancel
your date.
187
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:30,300
- No. He'll think
I'm blowing him off.
188
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,367
Tonight was supposed to be
the first date
189
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:33,867
of the rest of my life.
190
00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:36,733
- Girl, I want to be delicate
in how I say this.
191
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,867
You look like shit,
192
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,667
like, physically very ugly.
193
00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:41,200
- Don't worry.
194
00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:42,900
After this, I'm gonna give you
a rosewater enema.
195
00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:44,200
That, combined with the oatmeal,
196
00:07:44,267 --> 00:07:46,067
should eliminate
all of the itching.
197
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:47,600
- Speaking of, what are you
going to do with the oatmeal
198
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,600
once you take it off her face?
199
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:53,433
What? I thought
I'd bake some cookies.
200
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:57,067
- Ugh.
Why won't this thing work?
201
00:07:57,133 --> 00:07:58,100
[sighs]
202
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,633
[overlapping cafeteria chatter]
203
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,800
Hey, can you help me
with this software?
204
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,100
It isn't downloading.
205
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:08,067
- Oh, no.
I'm bad at computers.
206
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,567
- I know how to do it.
207
00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:11,100
- Wait.
You're good with computers?
208
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:12,733
- Yeah.
209
00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:17,800
- You love
your dermatologist, right?
210
00:08:17,867 --> 00:08:19,133
- Mm-hmm.
- What's his name?
211
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,833
- Uh, her name
is Dr. Malloy.
212
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,233
- Right, I know that,
213
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,233
because women
can be doctors, too.
214
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,700
- Brenda! You're back
from maternity leave so soon.
215
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,900
Isn't it hard to be away
from your baby?
216
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:33,300
- Why don't you ask Dan that?
217
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:35,100
He and his wife
just had a baby...
218
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:37,200
a week ago.
219
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:41,700
- Oh, my God.
220
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,700
It's a scientific law.
221
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,433
I'm sexist.
222
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,967
Who made me this way? Because
I did not do this to myself.
223
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,433
Seriously, who gave me sexism?
224
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,500
- Someone probably ingrained it
into you when you were little.
225
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,367
- But who?
[gasps]
226
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,133
Mrs. Wyatt!
227
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,133
This is all my elementary-school
teacher Mrs. Wyatt's fault!
228
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,533
I used to love science,
and I was really good at it,
229
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,700
but the only thing she
encouraged me in was penmanship!
230
00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:07,067
She said one day I would
write beautiful love letters,
231
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,900
which is bullshit,
'cause all I do now is sext
232
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:11,067
using peach
and eggplant emojis.
233
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,400
If it wasn't for her, I could've
been a hot rocket scientist
234
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:14,800
working for the NASA!
235
00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:17,867
The NASA!
236
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,600
I look so good
in a lab coat.
237
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:23,267
* *
238
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,933
- Hey, Caroline.
239
00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:29,733
Are you upset with me?
240
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,067
- I'm fine.
- Hmm. Okay.
241
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,600
- I'm clearly not fine.
242
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,333
- Why did you just say you were?
243
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,333
- Because I wanted you to work
to get the real answer?
244
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,333
- Dude, just don't look
at the photos.
245
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,533
- Oh, my God.
Stop trying to fix the problem.
246
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,500
All I want you to do
is listen.
247
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:48,167
- Okay.
248
00:09:48,233 --> 00:09:49,700
I can do that.
249
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,867
- Thank you.
250
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:53,567
It's just...
251
00:09:53,633 --> 00:09:57,633
I thought these were some
of my best friends, and...
252
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,800
it really hurt, you know?
253
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:04,633
It's, like...
254
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,333
did they forget about me,
255
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,833
or did they decide
they don't like me anymore?
256
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,833
What are you doing?
257
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,833
- I'm listening.
- Not like that!
258
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,500
You're supposed to respond.
259
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:19,833
You're acting like a robot...
260
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:23,300
a weird, non-blinking robot.
261
00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:27,667
[crying] I can't believe
you didn't follow me.
262
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:31,000
* *
263
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,167
- Thanks so much
for waiting with me, guys.
264
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,167
I feel much better
since I stopped peeing
265
00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:37,033
out of my bottom after
that enema.
266
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:38,633
- You must've had
a lot of mucoid plaque
267
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,767
on your intestines.
- Oh, sick.
268
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:42,633
- Great job
on the makeup, Caroline.
269
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:43,767
- Whatever.
270
00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:44,900
[both gasping]
271
00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:47,900
[dreamy music]
272
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,433
* *
273
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,767
- Hey, ladies.
all: Hi!
274
00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:55,300
- Hey.
- Hey.
275
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,367
- You look beautiful.
- I'm fine. How are you?
276
00:10:57,433 --> 00:10:58,433
[stammers]
277
00:10:58,500 --> 00:10:59,833
You know what? Okay.
278
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,700
[chuckles]
Thank you. Thank you.
279
00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:09,067
* *
280
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:12,167
- Oh, my God.
This is so beautiful.
281
00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:14,533
Somebody take my picture.
282
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,533
[gentle piano music]
283
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,267
* *
284
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,400
- You know, we spend a lot
of time at school together,
285
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,800
but I don't even think
I know where you're from.
286
00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:25,967
- Manhattan.
- Really?
287
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,500
- Kansas.
[chuckles]
288
00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:29,067
I love doing that.
289
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,367
- I went to school at K-State.
290
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,433
- We probably passed
each other on the street
291
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:34,967
and didn't even know it.
292
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,500
- No, I would've remembered you.
293
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:38,700
- [sighs]
294
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,900
* *
295
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,300
Where did you grow up?
296
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,567
- I moved around
a lot as a kid.
297
00:11:44,633 --> 00:11:45,967
- Interesting.
298
00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:47,967
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
299
00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:50,700
* *
300
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:53,700
[frantic music]
301
00:11:53,767 --> 00:12:01,067
* *
302
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,433
Sorry about that.
303
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:09,067
- No problem.
304
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,833
Um, so, yeah, I grew up
in a military family.
305
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:13,833
- Oh. Your dad was
in the Army?
306
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,700
- My mom.
- Oh.
307
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,433
I'm so sorry again,
308
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,833
but will you excuse me
for just one more moment?
309
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,700
- Are you okay?
- Yep. Never better.
310
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,633
[frantic music]
311
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:32,933
* *
312
00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:39,167
Ooh!
[both chuckling]
313
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:41,567
- I had always wanted to be
a volunteer firefighter.
314
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:43,867
I feel like it's important
to help people
315
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,467
and to contribute
to the community.
316
00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:47,367
- You know, I think I forgot
something in the bathroom.
317
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,900
[frantic music]
318
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:53,867
[gentle piano music]
319
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:56,700
[frantic music]
320
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,700
* *
321
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:00,500
Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
322
00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:02,900
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
323
00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,400
- You're masturbating
324
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:06,300
at The Great American
Pasta Company?
325
00:13:06,367 --> 00:13:10,467
This is a family restaurant,
you pervert.
326
00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:17,733
- Oh. Ah.
327
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,667
- So my first call as
a volunteer firefighter
328
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,467
is actually really funny.
329
00:13:22,533 --> 00:13:24,400
- [chuckles nervously]
- We went to this home,
330
00:13:24,467 --> 00:13:26,333
and we didn't see
any signs of a fire.
331
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,500
So we knock on the door, and
this little old woman answers.
332
00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:31,367
- You know what?
I'm just gonna go--
333
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:33,633
- Oh, wait, before you go,
you have to hear this.
334
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,067
- Okay.
335
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,700
- There wasn't even a fire.
- Oh?
336
00:13:37,767 --> 00:13:40,100
- She just wanted
to give us cookies.
337
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,700
So then 30 minutes later,
338
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:44,233
we get a call from
the same house, same woman--
339
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,167
- No kidding.
- So we go back,
340
00:13:46,233 --> 00:13:48,167
and again, no fire.
- Oh!
341
00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:50,300
- She's just sitting there
on the porch,
342
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:52,167
waving with more cookies.
- You know what?
343
00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,067
I'm just gonna go.
- I'm almost finished.
344
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,633
I promise the ending
makes it all worth it.
345
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,133
- [chuckles nervously]
346
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:02,367
- So then an hour later,
we get a third call
347
00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,767
from the exact same house,
same woman,
348
00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:08,167
and again, an hour later,
we a fourth call--
349
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:11,700
- How long is
this [bleep] story?
350
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,700
- * Tear it down *
351
00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:25,067
[doorbell rings]
352
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:31,067
- Hey. I heard
you were feeling pretty bad
353
00:14:31,133 --> 00:14:33,067
about everything
that happened last night.
354
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,800
So I brought you something
to cheer you up.
355
00:14:34,867 --> 00:14:36,800
Another rosewater enema.
356
00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:37,967
- No!
357
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,300
[rock music]
358
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:42,100
- So moving on to science,
359
00:14:42,167 --> 00:14:44,167
where everyone is
valued and appreciated equally,
360
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,100
let's discuss scientific laws.
361
00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:48,400
What are some examples
of scientific laws?
362
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,667
Lily?
363
00:14:54,733 --> 00:14:56,133
- The law of gravity.
364
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,833
- Yes! That's my girl!
365
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,233
I mean, woman. No--person.
366
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,700
Because you are capable,
367
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:04,233
and that has nothing to do
with your gender.
368
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,400
Now, who discovered
the law of gravity?
369
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,267
Miranda?
- Newton?
370
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:12,133
- Yes, that's right!
Let your voice ring out!
371
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,433
And what does that law say?
372
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,067
Tiffany?
373
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,600
- She wasn't even raising
her hand!
374
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,200
- Who cares? Tiffany?
375
00:15:22,267 --> 00:15:24,200
- I know the answer.
Why aren't you calling on me?
376
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:26,200
- I'm sorry, Gary.
377
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:29,133
Has me not rewarding you
and feeding into the patriarchy
378
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,933
for two minutes
made you uncomfortable?
379
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:33,833
Would you prefer if the women
stuck to English and poetry
380
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,167
like we're supposed to?
381
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:36,700
Your time is up.
382
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,367
It's Tiffany's time now.
383
00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:40,300
The law of gravity just
brought you back down to Earth!
384
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:41,833
[epic music]
385
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:42,900
Boom!
386
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:44,900
Hey, Feldman. Guess what.
387
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:46,367
I fixed my gender bias.
388
00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:48,700
Today I didn't call
on one boy.
389
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:51,067
A few weeks of that, and
they are gonna hate science.
390
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:52,867
[chuckles]
- Oh, dog.
391
00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:56,067
You don't even things out
by bringing the dudes down.
392
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:58,867
You do it by bringing
the dudettes up.
393
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:00,400
You still have a gender bias.
394
00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:02,667
You just changed
who you're biased against.
395
00:16:02,733 --> 00:16:04,200
- Oh, my God.
396
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:07,200
I'm a reverse sexist.
397
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,667
FYI, I hate
these conversations with you.
398
00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:14,267
* *
399
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,933
- Uh-uh.
400
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:21,267
You're staying on the couch
until you apologize.
401
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,267
- I don't even know
why we're arguing.
402
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,467
I mean, you started off
mad at your sorority sisters,
403
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:28,067
and now
suddenly you're mad at me?
404
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,500
But I'm on your side.
405
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,700
[heartfelt piano music]
406
00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:33,300
- Thanks.
407
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,700
I just wanted you
to listen and empathize with me.
408
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:37,833
- I totally understand
what you're saying.
409
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,067
* *
410
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,500
And I'm sorry.
411
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,867
- You are?
- Yeah.
412
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,367
I'm sorry that you got upset,
413
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:47,700
and that you feel like
I hurt your feelings.
414
00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:50,633
- Oh, my God.
That is not an apology!
415
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,500
- I'd like to apologize
for my behavior earlier,
416
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:55,567
but it has recently
come to my attention that
417
00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,633
our education system does not
treat boys and girls the same...
418
00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:00,633
[voice breaking]
And it was a lot to deal with.
419
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:03,100
So today
I am changing the world.
420
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:04,500
[heroic music]
421
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:07,067
I'm forming
a coed science club.
422
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:10,200
Now, which one of you boys
wants to be president?
423
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,067
Damn it, Mrs. Wyatt!
424
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:14,367
* *
425
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:18,200
[doorbell rings]
426
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,700
- How many times
do I have to tell you?
427
00:17:21,767 --> 00:17:25,400
I'm not putting that thing
in my bottom again.
428
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,533
What are you doing here?
429
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,067
- I, uh, stopped by
the school today
430
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,400
to talk to you about last night,
431
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,800
but everyone said
you were home sick.
432
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:37,133
- Yeah.
433
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,167
I got the pox.
434
00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:41,867
- [sighs] Mary Louise,
why didn't you tell me?
435
00:17:41,933 --> 00:17:43,367
We could've rescheduled.
436
00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:45,900
- I know. I should have.
437
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,567
I'm sorry I yelled at you,
438
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,100
and I'm sorry I spent
45 minutes in the bathroom,
439
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:52,800
and I'm sorry I stole
a fork from the restaurant
440
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:56,333
so I could secretly
scratch myself on the way home.
441
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,067
I didn't tell you I was sick
442
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,067
because that's how badly
I wanted to go on the date.
443
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:03,133
I thought if I canceled,
it might not happen again,
444
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,933
and I didn't want
to mess it up,
445
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:09,800
because that's what I always do,
but that's exactly what I did.
446
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,133
- You didn't mess it up.
447
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,533
[gentle guitar music]
448
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,400
I have wanted to ask you out
449
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,267
since the moment I met you.
450
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:17,667
- Really?
451
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:18,867
- Yeah.
452
00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:20,400
* *
453
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:24,067
- You've already had
the chicken pox, right?
454
00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:31,367
* *
455
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,133
[frantic music]
456
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:43,433
* *
457
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,300
- [exhales]
I take it you're feeling better?
458
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:50,300
- [chuckles]
459
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:55,600
* *
460
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:00,967
- * Tear it down *
461
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:05,567
[refrigerator door
opens, closes]
462
00:19:05,633 --> 00:19:08,567
[playful music]
463
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:14,233
* *
464
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,100
[can opens]
465
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:20,800
* *
466
00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:22,900
- [farts]
467
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:27,233
- I'm leaving you.
468
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:31,433
* *
469
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,233
- [farts]
- Ugh!
470
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,233
[rock music]
471
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,533
* *
472
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,500
- Mrs. Wyatt?
- Yes?
473
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:43,100
- [bleep] you! Because of you,
I can't remember whether
474
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,433
the Earth revolves
around the Sun
475
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,167
or the Sun revolves
around the Earth.
476
00:19:46,233 --> 00:19:48,367
My entire life is your fault!
477
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:50,500
You are the reason
I am not working for NASA,
478
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:52,700
you rancid bitch!
479
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,367
- Um...
480
00:19:54,433 --> 00:19:56,767
I think you're looking
for my mother.
481
00:19:56,833 --> 00:20:00,367
She passed away three years ago.
482
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,533
- I am so sorry for your loss.
483
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,100
She was a wonderful woman.
484
00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:08,867
* *
485
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,833
[rock music]
486
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:20,933
* *
487
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:24,433
- * Tear it down *
488
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,433
* Tear it down *
489
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,233
* Tear it down *
490
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:33,833
* Tear it down *
491
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,933
- Oh, yeah.
34045
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