Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,867
[water bubbling]
2
00:00:20,867 --> 00:00:23,867
[exotic music]
3
00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:27,267
*
4
00:00:27,267 --> 00:00:30,267
[groovy rock music]
5
00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:37,400
*
6
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,067
- Tap and touch very light,
7
00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:53,367
just like in life.
8
00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:55,000
Tap and touch with everything.
9
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,700
- Where is this going?
10
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,500
- And we're just gonna
finish up here
11
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,333
with a couple
of happy little birds,
12
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:02,967
and we are done, friends.
13
00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:04,400
[bell dings]
14
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,467
- Another mountain landscape
out of nothing.
15
00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:12,767
Carl Fromm, from what magic
are you made?
16
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:13,600
[rock music]
17
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,400
- * Tear it down
18
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,367
* Tear it down
19
00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:28,367
- Mrs. Adler?
20
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:30,233
I didn't know
you smoked cigarettes.
21
00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:31,533
You look really cool.
22
00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:34,067
- I wasn't smoking, Max.
- Yes, you were.
23
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:35,367
I smell smoke,
24
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,333
and smoke just came
out of your mouth,
25
00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:39,367
and there's a cigarette
in your hand.
26
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,267
- Okay, you got me,
27
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,900
but smoking is not cool.
28
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:46,533
- Yes, it is.
Obama smokes, and so do you.
29
00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:48,733
Both my heroes smoke.
30
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:49,667
Yeah!
31
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,800
[tense music]
32
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:09,500
*
33
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,900
- I have some
very disturbing news.
34
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:15,900
I found a marijuana cigarette
on school grounds this morning.
35
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,533
- [chuckles]
Oh, please.
36
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,333
I don't roll my weed.
37
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:25,633
That combined with the fact that
I don't smoke cannabis at all
38
00:02:25,633 --> 00:02:28,867
makes it impossible
for that to be my bone...
39
00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,067
J...
40
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,567
marijuana cigarette.
41
00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,233
- Obviously.
It couldn't be a teacher.
42
00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,633
It goes without saying that
43
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:38,767
no faculty member at Fillmore
has ever smoked dope.
44
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,433
- So you've never gotten high?
45
00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:43,567
- Only if you count
sunshine on my shoulder...
46
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:46,533
like my man John Denver?
47
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,067
Anyway, I've already called
48
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,767
Drug Information
and Resistance Education.
49
00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:52,733
A DIRE officer
will be visiting
50
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:55,800
every class at Fillmore
over the next week.
51
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,700
- [groans] I don't need
some narc up my butt all week.
52
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,700
I can teach the kids
drugs myself.
53
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,900
- No one is teaching drugs.
54
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,133
- You hear that, guys?
No teaching drugs, okay?
55
00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:11,733
Great, now I have to
listen to some pig
56
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,200
oink about how drugs
make you lazy and unmotivated,
57
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,467
which is total bullshit.
58
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,767
- Caroline, are you still
coming to church with me?
59
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,067
There will be lots
of nice, young single men.
60
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:26,333
- Last night on match.com,
61
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,767
I matched
with someone named Gub,
62
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,733
so, yeah, I'll be there.
63
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:35,067
- I quit smoking.
- Congratulations. When?
64
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,500
- Five minutes ago.
65
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,367
What?
66
00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,500
- The last time
you tried to quit,
67
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,700
you told me to hide
your cigarettes
68
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:42,867
and then freaked out
and threatened to--
69
00:03:42,867 --> 00:03:45,367
and I quote--
"rip out my trachea"
70
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,600
if I didn't tell you
where they were.
71
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,567
- That was just
locker room talk.
72
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:50,167
Anyway, it's different
this time.
73
00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:52,200
One of my students caught me
smoking in the parking lot.
74
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,767
I am never letting my kids
see my smoke again.
75
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,200
- Good luck.
- Don't need it.
76
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,500
Willpower and self-control
are wicked virtues.
77
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,300
[rock music]
78
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,200
- She's the [bleep] worst.
79
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,567
* *
80
00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:09,400
- So, for homework,
everyone can just complete
81
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,733
the even-numbered
review questions
82
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,200
at the end of the chapter.
Okay.
83
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,733
- Why don't we do
the odd questions, too?
84
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,467
- Because that would be
too much homework.
85
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,267
- But isn't the purpose
of the questions
86
00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:21,467
to review the chapter?
87
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,067
- Yes, yes, it is.
88
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:25,533
- So then why don't we answer
all the questions?
89
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,767
- Because then I'm gonna have
twice as much work to grade,
90
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,767
and I have a life,
which you wouldn't understand,
91
00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:32,767
because you think
that the horses that you ride
92
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:34,067
are your best friends!
93
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,467
- Uh, Deb? Uh--
94
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,300
- Huh?
95
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,700
- I think you might need to
satisfy your oral fixation.
96
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,633
Maybe you'd like
a piece of gum.
97
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,067
- Maybe you'd like
to get a razor
98
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,833
so that the rest of us
don't have to see
99
00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:48,500
your armpit hair poke out
the side of your crocheted tops.
100
00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,567
- [whispering]
Okay...
101
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,467
um, let's go ahead
and begin our lesson.
102
00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:03,833
- What you got, Picasso?
103
00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,333
[rock music sting]
104
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:08,367
- Last night I got super high
and went on Groupon.
105
00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:11,067
Now I got to play trampoline
basketball in Winnetka
106
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,600
and glow-in-the-dark
WhirlyBall in Skokie.
107
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,833
- Hello, ladies.
108
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,367
I'd like you to meet
Officer Chuck.
109
00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:19,300
He'll be doing the DIRE
presentations this week.
110
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,633
- Hi, thanks for having me.
111
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:23,633
[tense percussive music]
112
00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:25,300
* *
113
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,100
- [snorts like a pig]
114
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,267
- Did you say something?
115
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:33,267
I thought I heard something.
116
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,067
*
117
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,400
- I-19.
118
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,767
- This is great!
119
00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,767
And you thought that
Old Testament reading was fun.
120
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:48,267
[laughs]
- Did I?
121
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:50,333
Hey, that guy's cute.
122
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,533
I'm gonna go talk to him.
123
00:05:51,533 --> 00:05:53,067
- Oh, we're in the middle
of a game.
124
00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:55,067
You can't distract him.
- B-2.
125
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,767
- Fine, but as soon as
this lame game's over,
126
00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,133
I'm introducing myself.
127
00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,933
That's a $175
Brooks Brothers sweater.
128
00:06:01,933 --> 00:06:03,400
- N-36.
129
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,267
- Is that bingo?
130
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:06,867
- Oh.
- Oh, my God, I've got bingo!
131
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,300
Bingo!
This is amazing!
132
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,967
Yes! I win!
133
00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:15,233
Bingo!
Oh, yeah, b-b-bingo!
134
00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:18,233
[upbeat music]
135
00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:22,467
*
136
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:24,567
Better luck next time.
137
00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:26,733
- Wow, Caroline, you did great.
138
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:28,167
I was sure
you were going to stop
139
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,400
after that cute guy in
the Blues Brothers sweater left.
140
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,867
- Brooks Brothers?
141
00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:34,933
I was going to,
but then I was only two squares
142
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:36,500
away from bingo, so...
143
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:37,933
I'm single, not stupid.
144
00:06:37,933 --> 00:06:40,467
- Oh, okay, well,
I'm glad you had fun.
145
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,767
- I think I'd like to come to
church with you more often,
146
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:46,967
you know, to, like,
pray and...
147
00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:48,300
stuff.
148
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,867
- Okay!
149
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,700
- Amen.
- [laughs]
150
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:55,067
[rock music]
151
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,733
- And at the end of our talk,
152
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:59,267
I'm gonna ask all of you
to take the DIRE pledge
153
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:01,233
to be completely drug-free
154
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:03,300
and to spread
the DIRE message.
155
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,700
- Just like the Hitler oath.
156
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,600
- I'm sorry, did you say
something, Ms. Feldman?
157
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,067
- No, go ahead.
- Okay.
158
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,467
- Nazi.
- Excuse me?
159
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:11,633
- Just do
your presentation, dude.
160
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,700
- Okay.
- Okay.
161
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,100
- All right.
162
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,533
Now, I think you all know
why I'm here.
163
00:07:17,533 --> 00:07:20,967
Your principal found
marijuana on your campus,
164
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,633
and marijuana's illegal.
165
00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:25,067
- In some states,
it is legal for adults.
166
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:28,200
- Yeah, but in all states,
it's illegal for minors.
167
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,333
- Just like tobacco
and alcohol,
168
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,667
but they don't send off
Sir Friendly around
169
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,167
to talk
to the kids about that,
170
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:37,167
because those drugs
are controlled by corporations.
171
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,233
- Actually, I am gonna talk
about alcohol and tobacco.
172
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:40,800
- Oh, very good.
173
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,800
So I'm sure you'll talk
about how each year,
174
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,233
alcohol kills 88,000 people.
175
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,633
- That's right.
- And tobacco...
176
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:51,867
480,000 people.
177
00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:54,900
- Yeah.
- And then there's marijuana.
178
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:57,367
My Google must be broken,
'cause it's saying zero.
179
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,400
- Okay, we're gonna take
a ten-minute break.
180
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,067
What are you doing in there?
- What are you doing in there?
181
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:03,267
- I'm trying to save
these kids' lives.
182
00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:04,900
- I'm trying to
save their freedom.
183
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,333
- I believe in freedom
just as much as you do.
184
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,567
- Oh, you're a fascist.
- You're an anarchist!
185
00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:11,567
[tense percussive music]
186
00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:14,700
*
187
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:21,300
- N-42.
188
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,067
- Bingo.
- You got to be kidding me!
189
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:26,433
I play 16 cards without
winning a single round,
190
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,867
while Grandma Moses over here
gets three bingos
191
00:08:28,867 --> 00:08:31,067
on just two cards?
192
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,800
What's going on?
193
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,100
Is that your nephew
working the tumbler?
194
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,233
What are you trying
to pull here, Granny?
195
00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:40,100
- Caroline, you can't talk
to Mrs. Willis like that.
196
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,467
She waters the church plants.
197
00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:46,467
Hey, look, that cutie patootie
is over by the snacks.
198
00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:47,933
Maybe you could go talk to him.
199
00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:50,133
He's wearing
embroidered lobster shorts.
200
00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:52,400
- Are you crazy? They're about
to do another round.
201
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,133
Hey, loan me a 20.
202
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,233
That last trip to the ATM
maxed me out.
203
00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:58,567
- I don't have any cash.
- Oh.
204
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,600
Oh, okay.
205
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,667
Who here wants a Cartier watch
for 20 bucks?
206
00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:05,867
Huh?
207
00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:10,633
- The kids were exactly
the motivation I needed
208
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,833
to quit smoking.
209
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:13,833
The combination of a noble goal
210
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:17,400
and an iron will
has made me unstoppable.
211
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,167
Nicotine is my bitch.
212
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:24,933
Hey, you got
another piece of that gum?
213
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,500
- I want to punch her
in her smug face,
214
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,933
but it is pretty impressive
how well she's doing.
215
00:09:30,933 --> 00:09:32,167
- Actually, it's not.
216
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,867
I've been dosing her
with nicotine gum.
217
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,067
- Ooh, sneaky, Cecelia,
218
00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:36,767
like teaching kids
about the Bible
219
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,400
using cartoon vegetables.
220
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,233
- Guess who's going on
a date tonight.
221
00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:42,633
- What? I didn't know
your vagina worked.
222
00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,233
- With who?
- Officer Chuck.
223
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,967
We made out in the hallway.
No big deal.
224
00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:49,100
- I thought you hated cops?
- So did I.
225
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,067
But he kept coming back at me,
226
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,867
and no matter
how hard I argued,
227
00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:56,433
he wouldn't give an inch.
228
00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:57,500
It was so wrong, yet...
229
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,267
[grunts softly]
So right.
230
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,800
- I know
exactly what you mean,
231
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,300
and so do the two
Mormon missionaries
232
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,000
who recruit
in my neighborhood.
233
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,167
- Has anyone seen Caroline
this morning?
234
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:09,133
[smooth percussive music]
235
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,100
- G, 48.
236
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,133
- Bingo!
I'm back!
237
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:15,300
- Can we play something else,
Ms. Watson?
238
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,133
- Don't be
a sore loser, Alyssa.
239
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,033
Everybody, clear your grids.
We're going again.
240
00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:20,900
This time we're playing
for lunch money.
241
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,633
- Caroline?
242
00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:25,267
Are you wearing
the same clothes as yesterday?
243
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:26,767
- I am.
244
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,700
I found a bingo game in the back
of a fish market in Chinatown
245
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,267
and stayed there
till 6:00 in the morning.
246
00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:31,933
Do you want to go
to church later?
247
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,400
We could play bingo after.
248
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,533
- I actually think
we should take the night off.
249
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,667
I'm a little worried about you.
- [scoffs]
250
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,133
Mary Louise,
251
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:41,033
I play it because
it's good wholesome fun.
252
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,867
- Bingo!
- That doesn't count, Alyssa.
253
00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:45,400
I was distracted.
254
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,300
Get out of here, you mush.
255
00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:51,233
- Carl Fromm?
Are you kidding me?
256
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,900
- I know. It's weird.
- No, no, no, no, I love him.
257
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,333
It's like he's doing
these brushstrokes,
258
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:56,667
and it doesn't
look like anything,
259
00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:58,033
and then it all just
comes together.
260
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,233
- Yes.
[both laugh]
261
00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,100
- Listen, you get me
a Checkers pizza
262
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,400
and some Carl Fromm,
and I'm a happy camper.
263
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,267
- Oh, you just described
my perfect evening.
264
00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:07,867
- [chuckles] Well...
- I'm so happy we did this.
265
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:11,567
- I've never met anybody
quite like you, A.J.
266
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:16,133
- Okay, I'm gonna outside
and blaze up before dinner.
267
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,800
- You know that I'm an actual
police officer, right?
268
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,100
- Uh, yeah, that's why
I didn't invite you.
269
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,133
- See, if you tell me
that you're gonna go get high,
270
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:26,867
then my job
is to arrest you.
271
00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:28,333
- Okay, message received.
272
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,833
I'm gonna go
to the ladies' room.
273
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,267
- What I'm saying is...
274
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:35,633
I cannot date somebody
who gets high.
275
00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:39,100
- You're serious?
- Yeah.
276
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,067
- I can't believe
I'm about to do this,
277
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,067
but I haven't felt
this way in so long,
278
00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:46,767
and I want to give it a shot.
279
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,433
Officer Chuck,
280
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:52,833
for you, I'm going to take
the DIRE pledge.
281
00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:55,833
[rock music]
282
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,533
*
283
00:11:57,533 --> 00:12:00,133
- Hey, what's going on here?
- He took the ball from me!
284
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,300
- Did not!
I saw it first.
285
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,967
- Problem solved, twerps.
- The gum's wearing off.
286
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,767
- I brought reinforcements.
287
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:12,433
Nicotine patches.
288
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,100
Here.
289
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,067
[exhales deeply]
I'm going in.
290
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,200
- Godspeed.
291
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,200
- Deb?
- What?
292
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,233
- It's so good to have
such a strong woman
293
00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:23,667
on playground duty with me.
294
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:25,467
[chuckles] Come here.
- What are you doing?
295
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:26,967
- You're my hero.
- Stop!
296
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:27,967
- You're my hero,
you're my hero.
297
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:29,300
- Get off of me!
298
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,400
What are you doing?
Don't touch me!
299
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,267
- [scoffs]
I just really admire
300
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,933
your incredible strength
of character.
301
00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:37,233
- Yeah, I know.
302
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:40,467
Come on, guys,
let's go get that ball.
303
00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:44,700
- B-11.
304
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,100
- I thought you said
you were gonna skip church.
305
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,267
- I did.
I'm at bingo.
306
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,300
- Hi, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I've, um--
307
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,067
I've been noticing you
all week.
308
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,400
Do you summer in Nantucket?
309
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,467
Because my family's
got a house there.
310
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:57,800
- Buzz off, preppy,
311
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,900
I'm one square away
on six different cards.
312
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,667
- Holy moly.
She's an addict.
313
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,667
[groovy rock music]
314
00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:11,567
*
315
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:15,067
- I've only been eating
condiment packets?
316
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:17,333
How am I still alive?
317
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:20,833
*
318
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:26,433
Why am I hiding my apartment key
inside my apartment?
319
00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,067
*
320
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:31,433
The first song on this album's
been playing for an hour.
321
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:35,433
Holy crap.
It's the last song.
322
00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:38,133
All the song's sound the same.
323
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:40,633
This band sucks.
324
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:43,067
*
325
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:45,933
My life sucks.
326
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,667
- Thank you all for coming
to Caroline's intervention.
327
00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:53,600
- Are you sure you can't
squeeze me into this?
328
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600
I could really use
some guilt and shame
329
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,067
to help keep off the weed.
330
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,100
- Am I the only one
who didn't get the memo
331
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,300
that this is
National Pussy Week?
332
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,567
- Oh, my God,
are you guys playing Telephone?
333
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,333
- Caroline,
we're here to intervene.
334
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,233
This is an intervention.
335
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:12,467
- I'll start.
336
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:15,467
Chelsea, I think you constantly
degrade yourself
337
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:18,200
by having one-night-stands.
A sex addict--
338
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,200
- It's not for me.
It's for you.
339
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,667
"Dear Caroline, I think
you're sexually repressed,
340
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:27,233
"anal retentive, and you have
an arrested sense of style.
341
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,767
"I have attempted
to take you on as a project,
342
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,433
but now I am done with you."
343
00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:33,600
- Chelsea, this is supposed to
be about her bingo addiction.
344
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,367
- Oh.
- What are you talking about?
345
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,767
I don't have a bingo problem.
346
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:38,900
- "Dear Caroline,
you have a bingo problem.
347
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,867
"Your sinful weakness
is blocking your path
348
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:43,500
to communion with your stu--"
- I'm not addicted to bingo!
349
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,133
And thanks to
your stupid intervention,
350
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:48,767
I may miss my lunchtime game
at the Newsom Senior Center.
351
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,400
Those old bitches have
$100 of my money,
352
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,667
and I got to get it back.
353
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,133
- Well, that was
a complete waste of time.
354
00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,167
- Actually, Deb, it wasn't.
355
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:06,067
"Dear Deb"--
- Hold on, she gets letters?
356
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,400
- Wait, what's going on?
I already quit smoking.
357
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,767
- "You only think
you've quit smoking,
358
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:11,567
because we've been dosing you
with nicotine."
359
00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:15,067
- Well, that's bullshit.
I quit cold turkey.
360
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:16,800
- No, you didn't.
361
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:20,533
- [mutters]
Oh, Chelsea--
362
00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:22,867
- You got dosed, girl.
- [grunts]
363
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,200
[gasps]
I should've known.
364
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,700
Nobody ever hugs me.
365
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,933
Screw you, guys.
I can quit on my own!
366
00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:33,733
[rock music]
367
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:37,067
- A.J.
Just who I'm looking for.
368
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,733
How's it going
with the pledge?
369
00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:41,767
- I can honestly say I'm seeing
things in a whole new light.
370
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:44,200
- A lot of people who take
the pledge say the same thing.
371
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,300
- And they stick with it?
372
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,800
- What?
- Nothing.
373
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,633
- Hey, I thought maybe I would
come by your place tonight.
374
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:51,967
You order the Checkers pizza,
and I will bring...
375
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,100
- [laughs] Oh, "Carl Fromm:
The Lost Episodes"?
376
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,900
I'm in. Okay. [giggles]
- Okay.
377
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,667
All right, I'll see you later.
- Okay, I'll see you later.
378
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,867
[both laugh]
379
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:07,400
- [exhales sharply]
I can do this.
380
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,800
Don't need any help.
I can do this.
381
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,900
Oh, damn it.
382
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,200
[sighs]
383
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,800
- I knew you didn't quit.
384
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,467
It's because
smoking's cool, right?
385
00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,800
- [scoffs] These aren't
real cigarettes, Max.
386
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,933
This is a candy cigarette.
387
00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,167
- Then eat it.
388
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,367
- [muffled] You see?
Candy.
389
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:37,200
- What about
the rest of them?
390
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,067
- Uh...
391
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,633
[rock music]
392
00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,467
- Oh, hello, Mary Louise.
Are you playing tonight?
393
00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:47,733
Be careful.
You don't want to get addicted.
394
00:16:47,733 --> 00:16:49,600
- Actually, I'm setting up
for both of us.
395
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,367
- Oh, looks like you realized
396
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:52,933
you were the one
with a problem...
397
00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:54,067
with me winning.
398
00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:56,133
- B-3.
399
00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:57,867
That's B-3.
400
00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,767
- Mary Louise, this dabber
doesn't have any ink.
401
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:03,867
Let's share.
- No.
402
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:07,067
If you don't have a problem,
then you can miss one round.
403
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,233
- O-59.
404
00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:12,233
[tense music]
405
00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:13,767
I-32.
406
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,867
* *
407
00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:18,233
I-17.
408
00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:19,633
- Does anyone have
an extra dabber?
409
00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,900
Grandma Moses, what about you?
410
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,200
Hello?
411
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,433
I need to dab, people.
412
00:17:26,433 --> 00:17:28,633
Someone just give me
a dabber that works!
413
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:32,200
You Christians always want
to help someone in need, right?
414
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,800
Well, here I am!
415
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,067
Give me your freakin' dabber,
you mother--
416
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:37,767
- Any kind of style
you want to paint in,
417
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,733
you let me know,
except portraits.
418
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:41,167
- I think I've seen this one.
419
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,633
- No, they pulled these
after his Vespa accident.
420
00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:45,900
- Oh.
- My portrait teacher said--
421
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:48,233
he said, "Carl, you should
stay in the woods."
422
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,700
But what is talent?
It's what we feel inside.
423
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,600
That's what it is.
It's what we feel inside.
424
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,333
- Does Checkers pizza
always taste like this?
425
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,567
- Yeah.
- [sighs]
426
00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:02,100
Okay, I got to tell you
something, Officer Chuck.
427
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,833
- What?
- I really like you,
428
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,867
but everything
outside of school without weed
429
00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:10,333
is a turd sandwich.
430
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,267
Look where I live.
431
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,067
I got to get high.
432
00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:16,433
So can you deal with that?
433
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,333
- I really appreciate
your honesty,
434
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,700
but as I said before,
435
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,100
I cannot be with somebody
who uses drugs.
436
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,500
So I guess I'm asking you
to choose between me
437
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,733
and marijuana.
438
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:30,733
- [sighs]
439
00:18:30,733 --> 00:18:32,333
[both laugh]
- All right.
440
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,533
- All right.
441
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,833
- Uh...
- Mm...
442
00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,067
[both laugh]
443
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,767
- I'll be seeing you.
444
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,800
- Wait.
445
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,633
Did you just choose
marijuana?
446
00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:45,833
- Uh-huh.
[chuckles] Yeah.
447
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,600
- So I should--
448
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,500
I should--I should just go?
- Yeah.
449
00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:53,800
- Okay.
- Okay.
450
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,133
[both chuckle]
451
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,567
- All right.
- All right.
452
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:57,967
- I think we're about done.
453
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,300
[exotic music]
454
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,700
*
455
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,133
[groovy guitar music]
456
00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:17,067
- Well, it's been a week.
I've officially quit smoking.
457
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:19,300
- Good for you, girl.
- How'd you do it?
458
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:20,533
- Aversion therapy.
459
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:22,867
I ate an entire pack
of cigarettes.
460
00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:25,933
If there's something
you really want, you find a way.
461
00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:29,200
Let me tell you
how I define willpower.
462
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,833
- Okay, I have to go.
463
00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:33,333
- I told you.
She's the [bleep] worst.
464
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,533
[rock music]
465
00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:37,067
[indistinct chatter]
466
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,600
- Mary Louise,
I'm not going in there.
467
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,700
- Caroline, please.
It's one meeting.
468
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,667
They're gamblers, too.
They can help you.
469
00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:47,700
[indistinct chatter continues]
470
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,400
- Get lost.
- Huh?
471
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,600
- Hello, boys!
Let the healing begin.
472
00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:59,067
[rock music]
473
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:06,000
*
474
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,733
- * Tear it down
475
00:20:09,733 --> 00:20:12,567
* Tear it down
476
00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:15,333
* Tear it down
477
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:17,533
* Tear it down
478
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,000
- Oh, yeah.
33949
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.