All language subtitles for Teachers (2016) S02E13 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2 0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,867 [water bubbling] 2 00:00:20,867 --> 00:00:23,867 [exotic music] 3 00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:27,267 * 4 00:00:27,267 --> 00:00:30,267 [groovy rock music] 5 00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:37,400 * 6 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,067 - Tap and touch very light, 7 00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:53,367 just like in life. 8 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:55,000 Tap and touch with everything. 9 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,700 - Where is this going? 10 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,500 - And we're just gonna finish up here 11 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,333 with a couple of happy little birds, 12 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:02,967 and we are done, friends. 13 00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:04,400 [bell dings] 14 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,467 - Another mountain landscape out of nothing. 15 00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:12,767 Carl Fromm, from what magic are you made? 16 00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:13,600 [rock music] 17 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,400 - * Tear it down 18 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,367 * Tear it down 19 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:28,367 - Mrs. Adler? 20 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:30,233 I didn't know you smoked cigarettes. 21 00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:31,533 You look really cool. 22 00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:34,067 - I wasn't smoking, Max. - Yes, you were. 23 00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:35,367 I smell smoke, 24 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,333 and smoke just came out of your mouth, 25 00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:39,367 and there's a cigarette in your hand. 26 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,267 - Okay, you got me, 27 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,900 but smoking is not cool. 28 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:46,533 - Yes, it is. Obama smokes, and so do you. 29 00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:48,733 Both my heroes smoke. 30 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:49,667 Yeah! 31 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,800 [tense music] 32 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:09,500 * 33 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,900 - I have some very disturbing news. 34 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:15,900 I found a marijuana cigarette on school grounds this morning. 35 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,533 - [chuckles] Oh, please. 36 00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,333 I don't roll my weed. 37 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:25,633 That combined with the fact that I don't smoke cannabis at all 38 00:02:25,633 --> 00:02:28,867 makes it impossible for that to be my bone... 39 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,067 J... 40 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,567 marijuana cigarette. 41 00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,233 - Obviously. It couldn't be a teacher. 42 00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,633 It goes without saying that 43 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:38,767 no faculty member at Fillmore has ever smoked dope. 44 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,433 - So you've never gotten high? 45 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:43,567 - Only if you count sunshine on my shoulder... 46 00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:46,533 like my man John Denver? 47 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,067 Anyway, I've already called 48 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,767 Drug Information and Resistance Education. 49 00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:52,733 A DIRE officer will be visiting 50 00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:55,800 every class at Fillmore over the next week. 51 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,700 - [groans] I don't need some narc up my butt all week. 52 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,700 I can teach the kids drugs myself. 53 00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,900 - No one is teaching drugs. 54 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,133 - You hear that, guys? No teaching drugs, okay? 55 00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:11,733 Great, now I have to listen to some pig 56 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,200 oink about how drugs make you lazy and unmotivated, 57 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,467 which is total bullshit. 58 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,767 - Caroline, are you still coming to church with me? 59 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,067 There will be lots of nice, young single men. 60 00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:26,333 - Last night on match.com, 61 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,767 I matched with someone named Gub, 62 00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,733 so, yeah, I'll be there. 63 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:35,067 - I quit smoking. - Congratulations. When? 64 00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,500 - Five minutes ago. 65 00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,367 What? 66 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,500 - The last time you tried to quit, 67 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,700 you told me to hide your cigarettes 68 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:42,867 and then freaked out and threatened to-- 69 00:03:42,867 --> 00:03:45,367 and I quote-- "rip out my trachea" 70 00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,600 if I didn't tell you where they were. 71 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,567 - That was just locker room talk. 72 00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:50,167 Anyway, it's different this time. 73 00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:52,200 One of my students caught me smoking in the parking lot. 74 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,767 I am never letting my kids see my smoke again. 75 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,200 - Good luck. - Don't need it. 76 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,500 Willpower and self-control are wicked virtues. 77 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,300 [rock music] 78 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,200 - She's the [bleep] worst. 79 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,567 * * 80 00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:09,400 - So, for homework, everyone can just complete 81 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,733 the even-numbered review questions 82 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,200 at the end of the chapter. Okay. 83 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,733 - Why don't we do the odd questions, too? 84 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,467 - Because that would be too much homework. 85 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,267 - But isn't the purpose of the questions 86 00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:21,467 to review the chapter? 87 00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,067 - Yes, yes, it is. 88 00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:25,533 - So then why don't we answer all the questions? 89 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,767 - Because then I'm gonna have twice as much work to grade, 90 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,767 and I have a life, which you wouldn't understand, 91 00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:32,767 because you think that the horses that you ride 92 00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:34,067 are your best friends! 93 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,467 - Uh, Deb? Uh-- 94 00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,300 - Huh? 95 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,700 - I think you might need to satisfy your oral fixation. 96 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,633 Maybe you'd like a piece of gum. 97 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,067 - Maybe you'd like to get a razor 98 00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,833 so that the rest of us don't have to see 99 00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:48,500 your armpit hair poke out the side of your crocheted tops. 100 00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,567 - [whispering] Okay... 101 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,467 um, let's go ahead and begin our lesson. 102 00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:03,833 - What you got, Picasso? 103 00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,333 [rock music sting] 104 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:08,367 - Last night I got super high and went on Groupon. 105 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:11,067 Now I got to play trampoline basketball in Winnetka 106 00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,600 and glow-in-the-dark WhirlyBall in Skokie. 107 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,833 - Hello, ladies. 108 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,367 I'd like you to meet Officer Chuck. 109 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:19,300 He'll be doing the DIRE presentations this week. 110 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,633 - Hi, thanks for having me. 111 00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:23,633 [tense percussive music] 112 00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:25,300 * * 113 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,100 - [snorts like a pig] 114 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,267 - Did you say something? 115 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:33,267 I thought I heard something. 116 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,067 * 117 00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,400 - I-19. 118 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,767 - This is great! 119 00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,767 And you thought that Old Testament reading was fun. 120 00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:48,267 [laughs] - Did I? 121 00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:50,333 Hey, that guy's cute. 122 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,533 I'm gonna go talk to him. 123 00:05:51,533 --> 00:05:53,067 - Oh, we're in the middle of a game. 124 00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:55,067 You can't distract him. - B-2. 125 00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,767 - Fine, but as soon as this lame game's over, 126 00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,133 I'm introducing myself. 127 00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,933 That's a $175 Brooks Brothers sweater. 128 00:06:01,933 --> 00:06:03,400 - N-36. 129 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,267 - Is that bingo? 130 00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:06,867 - Oh. - Oh, my God, I've got bingo! 131 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,300 Bingo! This is amazing! 132 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,967 Yes! I win! 133 00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:15,233 Bingo! Oh, yeah, b-b-bingo! 134 00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:18,233 [upbeat music] 135 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:22,467 * 136 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:24,567 Better luck next time. 137 00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:26,733 - Wow, Caroline, you did great. 138 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:28,167 I was sure you were going to stop 139 00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,400 after that cute guy in the Blues Brothers sweater left. 140 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,867 - Brooks Brothers? 141 00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:34,933 I was going to, but then I was only two squares 142 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:36,500 away from bingo, so... 143 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:37,933 I'm single, not stupid. 144 00:06:37,933 --> 00:06:40,467 - Oh, okay, well, I'm glad you had fun. 145 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,767 - I think I'd like to come to church with you more often, 146 00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:46,967 you know, to, like, pray and... 147 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:48,300 stuff. 148 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,867 - Okay! 149 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,700 - Amen. - [laughs] 150 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:55,067 [rock music] 151 00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,733 - And at the end of our talk, 152 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:59,267 I'm gonna ask all of you to take the DIRE pledge 153 00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:01,233 to be completely drug-free 154 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:03,300 and to spread the DIRE message. 155 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,700 - Just like the Hitler oath. 156 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,600 - I'm sorry, did you say something, Ms. Feldman? 157 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,067 - No, go ahead. - Okay. 158 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,467 - Nazi. - Excuse me? 159 00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:11,633 - Just do your presentation, dude. 160 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,700 - Okay. - Okay. 161 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,100 - All right. 162 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,533 Now, I think you all know why I'm here. 163 00:07:17,533 --> 00:07:20,967 Your principal found marijuana on your campus, 164 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,633 and marijuana's illegal. 165 00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:25,067 - In some states, it is legal for adults. 166 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:28,200 - Yeah, but in all states, it's illegal for minors. 167 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,333 - Just like tobacco and alcohol, 168 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,667 but they don't send off Sir Friendly around 169 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,167 to talk to the kids about that, 170 00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:37,167 because those drugs are controlled by corporations. 171 00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,233 - Actually, I am gonna talk about alcohol and tobacco. 172 00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:40,800 - Oh, very good. 173 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,800 So I'm sure you'll talk about how each year, 174 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,233 alcohol kills 88,000 people. 175 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,633 - That's right. - And tobacco... 176 00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:51,867 480,000 people. 177 00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:54,900 - Yeah. - And then there's marijuana. 178 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:57,367 My Google must be broken, 'cause it's saying zero. 179 00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,400 - Okay, we're gonna take a ten-minute break. 180 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,067 What are you doing in there? - What are you doing in there? 181 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:03,267 - I'm trying to save these kids' lives. 182 00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:04,900 - I'm trying to save their freedom. 183 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,333 - I believe in freedom just as much as you do. 184 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,567 - Oh, you're a fascist. - You're an anarchist! 185 00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:11,567 [tense percussive music] 186 00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:14,700 * 187 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:21,300 - N-42. 188 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,067 - Bingo. - You got to be kidding me! 189 00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:26,433 I play 16 cards without winning a single round, 190 00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,867 while Grandma Moses over here gets three bingos 191 00:08:28,867 --> 00:08:31,067 on just two cards? 192 00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,800 What's going on? 193 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,100 Is that your nephew working the tumbler? 194 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,233 What are you trying to pull here, Granny? 195 00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:40,100 - Caroline, you can't talk to Mrs. Willis like that. 196 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,467 She waters the church plants. 197 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:46,467 Hey, look, that cutie patootie is over by the snacks. 198 00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:47,933 Maybe you could go talk to him. 199 00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:50,133 He's wearing embroidered lobster shorts. 200 00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:52,400 - Are you crazy? They're about to do another round. 201 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,133 Hey, loan me a 20. 202 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,233 That last trip to the ATM maxed me out. 203 00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:58,567 - I don't have any cash. - Oh. 204 00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,600 Oh, okay. 205 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,667 Who here wants a Cartier watch for 20 bucks? 206 00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:05,867 Huh? 207 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:10,633 - The kids were exactly the motivation I needed 208 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,833 to quit smoking. 209 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:13,833 The combination of a noble goal 210 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:17,400 and an iron will has made me unstoppable. 211 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,167 Nicotine is my bitch. 212 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:24,933 Hey, you got another piece of that gum? 213 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,500 - I want to punch her in her smug face, 214 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,933 but it is pretty impressive how well she's doing. 215 00:09:30,933 --> 00:09:32,167 - Actually, it's not. 216 00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,867 I've been dosing her with nicotine gum. 217 00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,067 - Ooh, sneaky, Cecelia, 218 00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:36,767 like teaching kids about the Bible 219 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,400 using cartoon vegetables. 220 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,233 - Guess who's going on a date tonight. 221 00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:42,633 - What? I didn't know your vagina worked. 222 00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,233 - With who? - Officer Chuck. 223 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,967 We made out in the hallway. No big deal. 224 00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:49,100 - I thought you hated cops? - So did I. 225 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,067 But he kept coming back at me, 226 00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,867 and no matter how hard I argued, 227 00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:56,433 he wouldn't give an inch. 228 00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:57,500 It was so wrong, yet... 229 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,267 [grunts softly] So right. 230 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,800 - I know exactly what you mean, 231 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,300 and so do the two Mormon missionaries 232 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,000 who recruit in my neighborhood. 233 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,167 - Has anyone seen Caroline this morning? 234 00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:09,133 [smooth percussive music] 235 00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,100 - G, 48. 236 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,133 - Bingo! I'm back! 237 00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:15,300 - Can we play something else, Ms. Watson? 238 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,133 - Don't be a sore loser, Alyssa. 239 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,033 Everybody, clear your grids. We're going again. 240 00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:20,900 This time we're playing for lunch money. 241 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,633 - Caroline? 242 00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:25,267 Are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday? 243 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:26,767 - I am. 244 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,700 I found a bingo game in the back of a fish market in Chinatown 245 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,267 and stayed there till 6:00 in the morning. 246 00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:31,933 Do you want to go to church later? 247 00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,400 We could play bingo after. 248 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,533 - I actually think we should take the night off. 249 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,667 I'm a little worried about you. - [scoffs] 250 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,133 Mary Louise, 251 00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:41,033 I play it because it's good wholesome fun. 252 00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,867 - Bingo! - That doesn't count, Alyssa. 253 00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:45,400 I was distracted. 254 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,300 Get out of here, you mush. 255 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:51,233 - Carl Fromm? Are you kidding me? 256 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,900 - I know. It's weird. - No, no, no, no, I love him. 257 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,333 It's like he's doing these brushstrokes, 258 00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:56,667 and it doesn't look like anything, 259 00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:58,033 and then it all just comes together. 260 00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,233 - Yes. [both laugh] 261 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,100 - Listen, you get me a Checkers pizza 262 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,400 and some Carl Fromm, and I'm a happy camper. 263 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,267 - Oh, you just described my perfect evening. 264 00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:07,867 - [chuckles] Well... - I'm so happy we did this. 265 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:11,567 - I've never met anybody quite like you, A.J. 266 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:16,133 - Okay, I'm gonna outside and blaze up before dinner. 267 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,800 - You know that I'm an actual police officer, right? 268 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,100 - Uh, yeah, that's why I didn't invite you. 269 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,133 - See, if you tell me that you're gonna go get high, 270 00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:26,867 then my job is to arrest you. 271 00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:28,333 - Okay, message received. 272 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,833 I'm gonna go to the ladies' room. 273 00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,267 - What I'm saying is... 274 00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:35,633 I cannot date somebody who gets high. 275 00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:39,100 - You're serious? - Yeah. 276 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,067 - I can't believe I'm about to do this, 277 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,067 but I haven't felt this way in so long, 278 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:46,767 and I want to give it a shot. 279 00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,433 Officer Chuck, 280 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:52,833 for you, I'm going to take the DIRE pledge. 281 00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:55,833 [rock music] 282 00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,533 * 283 00:11:57,533 --> 00:12:00,133 - Hey, what's going on here? - He took the ball from me! 284 00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,300 - Did not! I saw it first. 285 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,967 - Problem solved, twerps. - The gum's wearing off. 286 00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,767 - I brought reinforcements. 287 00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:12,433 Nicotine patches. 288 00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,100 Here. 289 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,067 [exhales deeply] I'm going in. 290 00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,200 - Godspeed. 291 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,200 - Deb? - What? 292 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,233 - It's so good to have such a strong woman 293 00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:23,667 on playground duty with me. 294 00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:25,467 [chuckles] Come here. - What are you doing? 295 00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:26,967 - You're my hero. - Stop! 296 00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:27,967 - You're my hero, you're my hero. 297 00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:29,300 - Get off of me! 298 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,400 What are you doing? Don't touch me! 299 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,267 - [scoffs] I just really admire 300 00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,933 your incredible strength of character. 301 00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:37,233 - Yeah, I know. 302 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:40,467 Come on, guys, let's go get that ball. 303 00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:44,700 - B-11. 304 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,100 - I thought you said you were gonna skip church. 305 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,267 - I did. I'm at bingo. 306 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,300 - Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I've, um-- 307 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,067 I've been noticing you all week. 308 00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,400 Do you summer in Nantucket? 309 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,467 Because my family's got a house there. 310 00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:57,800 - Buzz off, preppy, 311 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,900 I'm one square away on six different cards. 312 00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,667 - Holy moly. She's an addict. 313 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,667 [groovy rock music] 314 00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:11,567 * 315 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:15,067 - I've only been eating condiment packets? 316 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:17,333 How am I still alive? 317 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:20,833 * 318 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:26,433 Why am I hiding my apartment key inside my apartment? 319 00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,067 * 320 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:31,433 The first song on this album's been playing for an hour. 321 00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:35,433 Holy crap. It's the last song. 322 00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:38,133 All the song's sound the same. 323 00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:40,633 This band sucks. 324 00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:43,067 * 325 00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:45,933 My life sucks. 326 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,667 - Thank you all for coming to Caroline's intervention. 327 00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:53,600 - Are you sure you can't squeeze me into this? 328 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600 I could really use some guilt and shame 329 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,067 to help keep off the weed. 330 00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,100 - Am I the only one who didn't get the memo 331 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,300 that this is National Pussy Week? 332 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,567 - Oh, my God, are you guys playing Telephone? 333 00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,333 - Caroline, we're here to intervene. 334 00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,233 This is an intervention. 335 00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:12,467 - I'll start. 336 00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:15,467 Chelsea, I think you constantly degrade yourself 337 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:18,200 by having one-night-stands. A sex addict-- 338 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,200 - It's not for me. It's for you. 339 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,667 "Dear Caroline, I think you're sexually repressed, 340 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:27,233 "anal retentive, and you have an arrested sense of style. 341 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,767 "I have attempted to take you on as a project, 342 00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,433 but now I am done with you." 343 00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:33,600 - Chelsea, this is supposed to be about her bingo addiction. 344 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,367 - Oh. - What are you talking about? 345 00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,767 I don't have a bingo problem. 346 00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:38,900 - "Dear Caroline, you have a bingo problem. 347 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,867 "Your sinful weakness is blocking your path 348 00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:43,500 to communion with your stu--" - I'm not addicted to bingo! 349 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,133 And thanks to your stupid intervention, 350 00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:48,767 I may miss my lunchtime game at the Newsom Senior Center. 351 00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,400 Those old bitches have $100 of my money, 352 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,667 and I got to get it back. 353 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,133 - Well, that was a complete waste of time. 354 00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,167 - Actually, Deb, it wasn't. 355 00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:06,067 "Dear Deb"-- - Hold on, she gets letters? 356 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,400 - Wait, what's going on? I already quit smoking. 357 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,767 - "You only think you've quit smoking, 358 00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:11,567 because we've been dosing you with nicotine." 359 00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:15,067 - Well, that's bullshit. I quit cold turkey. 360 00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:16,800 - No, you didn't. 361 00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:20,533 - [mutters] Oh, Chelsea-- 362 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:22,867 - You got dosed, girl. - [grunts] 363 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,200 [gasps] I should've known. 364 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,700 Nobody ever hugs me. 365 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,933 Screw you, guys. I can quit on my own! 366 00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:33,733 [rock music] 367 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:37,067 - A.J. Just who I'm looking for. 368 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,733 How's it going with the pledge? 369 00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:41,767 - I can honestly say I'm seeing things in a whole new light. 370 00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:44,200 - A lot of people who take the pledge say the same thing. 371 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,300 - And they stick with it? 372 00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,800 - What? - Nothing. 373 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,633 - Hey, I thought maybe I would come by your place tonight. 374 00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:51,967 You order the Checkers pizza, and I will bring... 375 00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,100 - [laughs] Oh, "Carl Fromm: The Lost Episodes"? 376 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,900 I'm in. Okay. [giggles] - Okay. 377 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,667 All right, I'll see you later. - Okay, I'll see you later. 378 00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,867 [both laugh] 379 00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:07,400 - [exhales sharply] I can do this. 380 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,800 Don't need any help. I can do this. 381 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,900 Oh, damn it. 382 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,200 [sighs] 383 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,800 - I knew you didn't quit. 384 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,467 It's because smoking's cool, right? 385 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,800 - [scoffs] These aren't real cigarettes, Max. 386 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,933 This is a candy cigarette. 387 00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,167 - Then eat it. 388 00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,367 - [muffled] You see? Candy. 389 00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:37,200 - What about the rest of them? 390 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,067 - Uh... 391 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,633 [rock music] 392 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,467 - Oh, hello, Mary Louise. Are you playing tonight? 393 00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:47,733 Be careful. You don't want to get addicted. 394 00:16:47,733 --> 00:16:49,600 - Actually, I'm setting up for both of us. 395 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,367 - Oh, looks like you realized 396 00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:52,933 you were the one with a problem... 397 00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:54,067 with me winning. 398 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:56,133 - B-3. 399 00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:57,867 That's B-3. 400 00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,767 - Mary Louise, this dabber doesn't have any ink. 401 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:03,867 Let's share. - No. 402 00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:07,067 If you don't have a problem, then you can miss one round. 403 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,233 - O-59. 404 00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:12,233 [tense music] 405 00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:13,767 I-32. 406 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,867 * * 407 00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:18,233 I-17. 408 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:19,633 - Does anyone have an extra dabber? 409 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,900 Grandma Moses, what about you? 410 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,200 Hello? 411 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,433 I need to dab, people. 412 00:17:26,433 --> 00:17:28,633 Someone just give me a dabber that works! 413 00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:32,200 You Christians always want to help someone in need, right? 414 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,800 Well, here I am! 415 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,067 Give me your freakin' dabber, you mother-- 416 00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:37,767 - Any kind of style you want to paint in, 417 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,733 you let me know, except portraits. 418 00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:41,167 - I think I've seen this one. 419 00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,633 - No, they pulled these after his Vespa accident. 420 00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:45,900 - Oh. - My portrait teacher said-- 421 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:48,233 he said, "Carl, you should stay in the woods." 422 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,700 But what is talent? It's what we feel inside. 423 00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,600 That's what it is. It's what we feel inside. 424 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,333 - Does Checkers pizza always taste like this? 425 00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,567 - Yeah. - [sighs] 426 00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:02,100 Okay, I got to tell you something, Officer Chuck. 427 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,833 - What? - I really like you, 428 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,867 but everything outside of school without weed 429 00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:10,333 is a turd sandwich. 430 00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,267 Look where I live. 431 00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,067 I got to get high. 432 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:16,433 So can you deal with that? 433 00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,333 - I really appreciate your honesty, 434 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,700 but as I said before, 435 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,100 I cannot be with somebody who uses drugs. 436 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,500 So I guess I'm asking you to choose between me 437 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,733 and marijuana. 438 00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:30,733 - [sighs] 439 00:18:30,733 --> 00:18:32,333 [both laugh] - All right. 440 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,533 - All right. 441 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,833 - Uh... - Mm... 442 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,067 [both laugh] 443 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,767 - I'll be seeing you. 444 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,800 - Wait. 445 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,633 Did you just choose marijuana? 446 00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:45,833 - Uh-huh. [chuckles] Yeah. 447 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,600 - So I should-- 448 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,500 I should--I should just go? - Yeah. 449 00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:53,800 - Okay. - Okay. 450 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,133 [both chuckle] 451 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,567 - All right. - All right. 452 00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:57,967 - I think we're about done. 453 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,300 [exotic music] 454 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,700 * 455 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,133 [groovy guitar music] 456 00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:17,067 - Well, it's been a week. I've officially quit smoking. 457 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:19,300 - Good for you, girl. - How'd you do it? 458 00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:20,533 - Aversion therapy. 459 00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:22,867 I ate an entire pack of cigarettes. 460 00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:25,933 If there's something you really want, you find a way. 461 00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:29,200 Let me tell you how I define willpower. 462 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,833 - Okay, I have to go. 463 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:33,333 - I told you. She's the [bleep] worst. 464 00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,533 [rock music] 465 00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:37,067 [indistinct chatter] 466 00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,600 - Mary Louise, I'm not going in there. 467 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,700 - Caroline, please. It's one meeting. 468 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,667 They're gamblers, too. They can help you. 469 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:47,700 [indistinct chatter continues] 470 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,400 - Get lost. - Huh? 471 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,600 - Hello, boys! Let the healing begin. 472 00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:59,067 [rock music] 473 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:06,000 * 474 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,733 - * Tear it down 475 00:20:09,733 --> 00:20:12,567 * Tear it down 476 00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:15,333 * Tear it down 477 00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:17,533 * Tear it down 478 00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,000 - Oh, yeah. 33949

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