All language subtitles for Teachers (2016) S02E12 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2 0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,867 --> 00:00:09,500 - Just a few more questions. 2 00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,233 Still single? - Yes. 3 00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:13,500 - Okay. Any recent sexual partners? 4 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,133 - No. - All righty, any chance 5 00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,367 you might be pregnant? - No. 6 00:00:18,367 --> 00:00:20,100 - Are you planning on becoming pregnant? 7 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,667 Because at 30, you have five more years 8 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,700 before it's considered a geriatric pregnancy. 9 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,633 - I'm sorry, can we just get to the exam? 10 00:00:26,633 --> 00:00:29,267 These questions are making me feel bad about myself. 11 00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:31,500 - Sure, sure. 12 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,167 I've had this on ice all morning. 13 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,333 [laughs] I'm just kidding. 14 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:39,000 But it's probably gonna be pretty cold. 15 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,300 Now just relax. 16 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,300 - [inhales sharply] 17 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:43,300 [rock music] 18 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,000 - * Tear it down 19 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,300 * Tear it down 20 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,767 - Third through fifth grade teachers, here are 21 00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:52,433 your materials for this week's standardized tests. 22 00:00:52,433 --> 00:00:55,033 - Welcome to hell. - These tests are racist. 23 00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:56,900 They're biased towards privileged white males. 24 00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:59,167 - I always did well on them. - Yeah, you're white. 25 00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:02,133 - Nice try. My spray tan artist says I'm Tuscan buff. 26 00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,767 - Well, they're state mandated. 27 00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,833 And I have enough problems already. 28 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,867 Some hipster parents heard on NPR that their kids 29 00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:11,067 can opt out of the tests if they write a note. 30 00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:14,067 - Who cares if they opt out? - All of us should. 31 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,800 If less students take the tests, 32 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,867 it could skew our results downward and we'll lose funding. 33 00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:20,767 - Whatever. These kids are middle class. 34 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:22,367 They can bring supplies from home. 35 00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:24,267 - And you'll lose your merit-based pay. 36 00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,933 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't afford 37 00:01:25,933 --> 00:01:27,400 to have my salary reduced. 38 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,133 I've only had two of eight full-body 39 00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,767 laser hair removal treatments. 40 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:33,767 - That's why it's imperative that we keep this a secret. 41 00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:36,700 Ms. Cannon, you'll be monitoring the multipurpose room 42 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,133 where the opt-out students will be separated 43 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,367 from the general population. - Don't you think 44 00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:42,933 that's just gonna mean-- - That's enough. 45 00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:46,267 I expect us all to comply for the good of Fillmore. 46 00:01:46,267 --> 00:01:48,333 This isn't a democracy. 47 00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:53,100 - Why's your hair out of place? 48 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,800 [gasps] You slut! 49 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,733 Did a big old barge finally come through your Panama Canal? 50 00:01:58,733 --> 00:02:01,533 - No, as I'm being reminded for the 13th time today, 51 00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:04,233 I have not had sex in a really long time! 52 00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:08,367 - You and me both, sister. [laughs] 53 00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:10,133 - I was at the gynecologist. 54 00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:11,600 When he found out I was turning 30, 55 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,567 he went on about how time was running out for me 56 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,067 if I want to have a child. 57 00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:19,067 He actually said "tick-tock" as he swiped my cervix. 58 00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:20,767 - A male gynecologist? 59 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,933 Ooh, I don't trust a man who looks at my vagina 60 00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:25,333 and doesn't get turned on. - Don't worry, Caroline, 61 00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:26,567 you're still young. 62 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:27,967 You have plenty of time to have kids. 63 00:02:27,967 --> 00:02:29,467 - No, I don't. According to my life plan, 64 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:31,100 I was supposed to be married last year, 65 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:34,067 have conceived nine months ago, and be giving birth this month. 66 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:36,233 I'm not even dating anyone! 67 00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,767 - Your plan is that specific? 68 00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:40,200 - Yeah. Not all of us are going to get pregnant 69 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,633 from sitting in a hot tub. 70 00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,700 - Okay, first of all, it was a Jacuzzi. 71 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,733 And second of all, the doctor said it was just gas 72 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,067 from all of the champagne. 73 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,567 - I should have just frozen some of my eggs 74 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,267 when I donated back in college. 75 00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:52,067 - Wait, you donated your eggs? 76 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,067 I thought that was just for unattractive people 77 00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:56,567 who couldn't strip their way through law school. 78 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:59,367 - I had to. My father cut me off from my trust fund 79 00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:02,133 for a semester when I dated a Democrat. 80 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:05,500 - Well, ladies, as much as this conversation has reaffirmed 81 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,300 my belief in assisted suicide, 82 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:11,233 we have to go turn children into mindless testing robots. 83 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:15,167 * 84 00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:17,433 - So sad about Ms. Cabot. 85 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:19,900 I can't believe she died. - Who? 86 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,933 - Ms. Cabot. She taught third grade. 87 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,267 The same grade as you. 88 00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:27,067 - Ohh! 89 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,733 - It was just so unexpected. 90 00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:32,200 - Wasn't she like 90? - Exactly. 91 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,367 I really had gotten to know her these last couple of years. 92 00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:38,300 I'm gonna miss her stories about atom bomb drills. 93 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,933 - Who's gonna get all of her stuff? 94 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:42,467 - I don't know. They tried calling her emergency contacts, 95 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:45,067 but they've all been dead since the Nixon administration. 96 00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:47,600 - There's probably some pretty valuable stuff in here. 97 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,300 - Looks like a ton of junk to me. 98 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:53,933 You couldn't pay me to shovel this shit into a dumpster fire. 99 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,300 With all respect to the deceased, of course. 100 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:57,800 * 101 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,067 - Great job cutting and gluing, everybody. 102 00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,900 I'm sure the older kids taking the tests 103 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:06,200 appreciate how quiet you're being. 104 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,967 Samantha, how are you enjoying your first week at Fillmore? 105 00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,933 - It's nice, but not as clean as my old school. 106 00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,933 - [gasps] Is that a baby Lysol? 107 00:04:16,933 --> 00:04:21,600 Cute. You can never get a place spotless with kids around. 108 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,600 - Tell me about it. 109 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,267 [both laugh] 110 00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:28,767 - Oh, I love your pencil bag. 111 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:31,133 - Thanks, I embroidered it myself. 112 00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,767 Not enough people appreciate paisley. 113 00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:36,067 - I couldn't agree more. 114 00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,767 - Okay, guys, clear off your desks 115 00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,633 and take out your number two pencils. 116 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,567 - What about our "Real Housewives" projects? 117 00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:46,067 - No, we won't be able to discuss 118 00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,767 Vicki Gunvalson's control issues this week. 119 00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,067 [ominous musical sting] 120 00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:53,900 We have to do things that are mandated by the state. 121 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,067 What is this? - My mom heard on the radio 122 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:59,300 I don't have to take this. - Shh! 123 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,567 The others will hear you. 124 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,967 Just go to the multipurpose room 125 00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:03,867 and do not talk to anyone on your way there. 126 00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,600 Okay? [giggles] 127 00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,500 - Hey, where's she going? 128 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,133 [serene flute music] 129 00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:13,067 She's gone to a better place. 130 00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,200 - Deb, what are you doing? 131 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,200 - You said all of her emergency contacts were dead. 132 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,067 This stuff is gonna go to waste. - So you're stealing it? 133 00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:30,800 Proverbs 29:24: He who is a partner with a thief 134 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,067 hates his own life. 135 00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,967 He hears the oath but tells nothing. 136 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,300 [ominous musical flourish] 137 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,667 - I don't know how to respond to that. 138 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:39,467 - I'm shaming you, Deb! 139 00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,633 Her body is barely cold and you're putting her things 140 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,433 in a garbage bag like the Hamburglar. 141 00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:46,867 - You're right. 142 00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:49,900 I'm gross. I'll put everything back. 143 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,067 - Thank you. 144 00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,133 - Oh, for future reference, 145 00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:56,500 that Bible stuff doesn't work on me. 146 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,567 But the Hamburglar? 147 00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,567 That really hit home. 148 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,767 [rock music] 149 00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:06,267 - Thanks for letting me borrow your labeler. 150 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,933 I kept putting my crayons in my markers box, 151 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,200 and it's driving me bananas. 152 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,500 - No problem. 153 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,067 Did anyone want to present their family tree? 154 00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,067 - I do! 155 00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:19,900 - Samantha? Go ahead. 156 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:25,733 - This is me and my dad, Eric, and his mom and dad, 157 00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,733 Bill and Doris. - Why is there 158 00:06:27,733 --> 00:06:30,100 a big question mark next to your mom's side? 159 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:33,667 - Because I don't know who my biological mom is. 160 00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,233 She gave her eggs to my parents 161 00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:37,567 because they couldn't have a baby. 162 00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:39,900 - I'm sorry, what? 163 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,733 - No, my headband. 164 00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:43,567 [upbeat orchestra music] 165 00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:46,967 That's okay, I brought my emergency headband. 166 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:53,900 * 167 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,600 - She's my daughter. 168 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,833 [rock music] 169 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:05,200 - I think it's a world peace button. 170 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,467 Boop. [laughs] 171 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,067 Okay, go explore your freedom, boys. 172 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:10,567 - Hey, Eliza left this in my class. 173 00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:12,067 I have to remove all signs of her 174 00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,433 so the other kids stop asking where she went. 175 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,300 Wow, this place is great. 176 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:19,167 - Yes. This is life in a test-free world, 177 00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,933 where students are free to express themselves, 178 00:07:20,933 --> 00:07:23,067 not be judged by how well they can fill in a bubble. 179 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,733 - Ms. Snap, we're having the best time. 180 00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:28,400 This morning, I learned how to play the didgeridoo. 181 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,733 And now I'm writing a play about Cesar Chavez. 182 00:07:31,733 --> 00:07:34,200 - Oh, that is wonderful! 183 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,067 But if you see any of your classmates, 184 00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,267 don't say anything to them. 185 00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,133 Ms. Snap is getting laser hair removal 186 00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,567 and they haven't gotten to the hedges growing next 187 00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:43,700 to my back door, if you know what I mean. 188 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:47,700 * 189 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,100 - Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt, 190 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,667 I just wanted to let you know that Samantha 191 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,167 is adjusting to Fillmore wonderfully. 192 00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,100 - Oh. - I know it's only been a week 193 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,067 and I'm not supposed to say this, 194 00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,800 but she's my favorite student. 195 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,800 - That's so great to hear. 196 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,067 We were nervous about making such a big move 197 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,800 halfway through the school year. 198 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,633 - Where exactly did you move from? 199 00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:12,933 - Connecticut. - I knew it! 200 00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:15,333 I mean, I am from there as well, 201 00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:17,933 and you always recognize a fellow Connecticuter. 202 00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,533 [all laugh] - Absolutely. 203 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,133 - Now, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. 204 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:24,200 - Oh. - We were recently working 205 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,067 on family trees and Samantha told me something interesting. 206 00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,500 Now I don't want to get this wrong, 207 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:34,333 but I think she said something about an egg, 208 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:38,467 giving an egg, she definitely mentioned an egg. 209 00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,333 - Yes, we used an egg donor. 210 00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:42,600 We've been very open with her about that. 211 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,600 - Connecticut egg donor. 212 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,067 I see. 213 00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,333 You know, when I was little, 214 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,533 I went to a polo camp in Vermont. 215 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,900 We learned sportsmanship and got to spend time 216 00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:59,367 with other children of a certain ilk. 217 00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,433 It was magical. 218 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,067 Maybe you could send my child there, too. 219 00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:06,567 - I'm sorry, your child? 220 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:10,833 - Oh, I call all the children in the class mine. 221 00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:13,433 I'm very passionate about my job. 222 00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,667 [both laugh] 223 00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:16,167 - Okay. 224 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:18,400 - Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry again 225 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,500 for trying to rob Ms. Cabot. 226 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,267 Dude! Are you serious? 227 00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:26,133 You made me feel like shit and then you did the same thing! 228 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,067 - I most certainly did not. 229 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,233 I took my friend's belongings that she would have 230 00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:31,833 wanted me to have. - [scoffs] 231 00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:33,567 Why would she want you to have her stuff? 232 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,367 - Because I actually knew her. 233 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,600 - I knew her, too! 234 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,300 [laughs] We used to have this great inside joke 235 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,233 where she'd be walking down the hall and I'd be behind her 236 00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,233 and she'd be going really slow 237 00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:48,433 and then I'd yell, "For Christ sakes, move!" 238 00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:50,933 - That just sounds like you were being rude. 239 00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,800 - Whatever. I loved Ms. Abbot. 240 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,600 - Cabot. - Right! 241 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,433 I miss her. Now give me some of her stuff. 242 00:09:57,433 --> 00:09:58,533 - No! 243 00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,067 You're like Grimace. 244 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,900 Trying to have all the shakes for yourself. 245 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,600 - Damn! That always gets me. 246 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,733 Fine, we need someone fair and impartial to mediate this. 247 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,567 Come on. 248 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,567 [ominous music] 249 00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:19,133 * 250 00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,433 - Hey, do you know where Eliza went? 251 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:25,300 - I heard she's in a place where you make sock puppets, 252 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,733 eat oatmeal cream pies for breakfast, 253 00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,733 and slide down rainbows covered in glitter. 254 00:10:29,733 --> 00:10:32,933 - You mean a land where kids aren't made to do word problems 255 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,800 by the government? 256 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,833 Ms. Snap, I wanna go to the happy place 257 00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:39,500 where there are no tests! 258 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,067 - There is no such place. 259 00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,967 Anyway, sometimes in life 260 00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:45,600 you have to do stuff that you don't want to. 261 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,867 I don't wanna remove hair from every part of my body, 262 00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:49,233 but apparently, one of my ancestors 263 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,400 mated with a yeti and I have to. 264 00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,467 Okay, fine. 265 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:57,933 There is a way to get out of taking-- 266 00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:59,467 [intercom beeps] - Students, 267 00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:01,267 I know you all have been working hard, 268 00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:03,267 and I urge you in the coming days 269 00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,433 to forge ahead for the glory of Fillmore. 270 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,367 That is all. 271 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,967 - Ms. Snap. 272 00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:11,533 What were you going to say? 273 00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:12,800 - I can't. 274 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,800 * 275 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,300 He's always watching. 276 00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,433 - So I pulled Ms. Cabot's file like you asked. 277 00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,667 I'm gonna quiz you on her personal information. 278 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,800 Whoever gets the most right gets all her stuff. 279 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,867 [clears throat] Question number one. 280 00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:29,833 Mary-Louise, where was Ms. Cabot born? 281 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,133 - Omaha, Nebraska. 282 00:11:31,133 --> 00:11:33,367 - Oh, I'm sorry. That's incorrect. 283 00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,667 Deb for the steal? 284 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:37,067 - Uh-- 285 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:39,067 - [imitates buzzer] The correct answer 286 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,567 was Leawood, Kansas. - What? 287 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,367 - Deb, where did Ms. Cabot get her teaching certificate? 288 00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,400 - Pass. Aren't there any true-or-false ones in there? 289 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,367 - Ooh, no, I'm sorry. There are not. 290 00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:52,100 Mary-Louise for the steal. - The Teacher Training Institute 291 00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,800 for Unmarried Women in Sioux City. 292 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,067 - Oh, incorrect. - No, it's not. 293 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,567 - The answer is the Iowa State Normal School. 294 00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,667 - No, it's-- - Yes, it is, duh. 295 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,400 I got the answers right here. 296 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,233 - Deb, how many dependents does Ms. Cabot have? 297 00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:07,833 - I don't know, one? - Zero. 298 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:11,067 - [sighs] Dudes, this just isn't fun anymore. 299 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,900 I don't normally criticize people 300 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,533 'cause I'm rolling through the school day on a snack cake high, 301 00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:20,400 but I gotta say, this is really pathetic. 302 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,900 The two of you are acting like vultures. 303 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,500 - I really thought I knew her. 304 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,133 - Clearly, neither of us deserve her stuff. 305 00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:29,767 We're garbage people. 306 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,600 - I'll put everything back. 307 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,567 - I think that's the right thing to do. 308 00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,567 [upbeat music] 309 00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:44,367 * 310 00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,700 - Samantha, are you left-handed? 311 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,200 - No. - Oh, thank God. 312 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,933 - Hey, Caroline, do you have any more 313 00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,467 industrial-sized garbage bags? 314 00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:56,600 I need to return Ms. Cabot's things to her room. 315 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,667 - Oh, sure. They're in my supply closet 316 00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:01,833 under "G" for "garbage bags." 317 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:05,867 Samantha, uh-uh. You didn't push your chair in. 318 00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:08,400 I expect that kind of behavior from the other students, 319 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,567 but not you. 320 00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:14,267 We don't do that. Thank you. 321 00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:16,667 - You sure you should be treating her differently? 322 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,733 You know, putting her desk next to yours? 323 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,900 - [whispers] How dare you tell me how to parent! 324 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,467 Get out of here! 325 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:32,367 [ominous music] 326 00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:34,133 - And remember, Fillmore's future 327 00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:36,333 does not depend on you as an individual, 328 00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,433 but on your collective efforts. 329 00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,733 Persevere. That is all. 330 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:42,967 - My eyes hurt from reading. 331 00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,467 - Why can't we go to the bathroom? 332 00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,767 - I can't let anyone go now that we've started. 333 00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:49,333 [door opens] - Hey. 334 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,367 I wanted to see how you were holding up. 335 00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:54,567 - Not good. My students are, like, losing their will to live. 336 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,400 - There's plenty of space in the multipurpose room. 337 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,100 - I can't. My salary is gonna get cut 338 00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,300 if my scores aren't high enough. 339 00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,400 This is killing me. I mean, 340 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,100 I know I'm a little bit selfish, but I do have a heart. 341 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,267 Remember when I started that surprise GoFundMe, 342 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,567 encouraging my cousin to have a nose job? 343 00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:12,733 This situation is almost as bad as her nose was. 344 00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:14,767 And her nose was really bad. 345 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,400 - I think I can help. 346 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,333 [whispering] I can't free them all, 347 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:24,333 but I bet I could smuggle one out in my art cart. 348 00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:27,267 [normal voice] Give me your tired, your poor, 349 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,100 your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. 350 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,967 - That is beautiful. Did you make that up? 351 00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,467 - No, it's on the Statue of Liberty. 352 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,067 - Uh, I loved her in "Ghostbusters." 353 00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,833 - Thanks for the ice cream. 354 00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:41,133 You're the nicest teacher I've ever had. 355 00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,467 - Thank you. I just hope you weren't too full 356 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,300 from the lunch I packed you. - No, no. 357 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,233 It was great. I love the note you left on my napkin. 358 00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,967 - Oh. - Can I go play? 359 00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:53,800 - Samantha. - May I go play? 360 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,700 - Yes, you may. 361 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:57,833 - Hey, where'd you get that ice cream? 362 00:14:57,833 --> 00:14:59,333 - Ms. Watson got it for me. 363 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,967 - That's 'cause you're the teacher's pet. 364 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,300 - No, I'm not. - Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet! 365 00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,667 - Give it back! - Henry. 366 00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,500 - Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet! - Stop! 367 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,533 - Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet! - Henry, stop that. 368 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,567 - Give it back! - Leave my daughter alone! 369 00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:14,967 - What? 370 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:17,967 [rock music] 371 00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:20,200 - You're welcome to come to church with me and repent 372 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,333 if you still feel guilty. - No thanks. 373 00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,933 I feel bad but not bad enough to waste a Sunday. 374 00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:26,600 - RIP, Ms. Cabot. 375 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,833 - Feldman? 376 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,833 - "Antiques Roadshow," here I come, y'all. 377 00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,833 - What were you thinking? 378 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,367 I had to spend two hours comforting the Schmidts, 379 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,833 who were deeply disturbed. 380 00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,433 Samantha is not your daughter. 381 00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:42,633 - Excuse me, but I have seen every episode of "Law & Order," 382 00:15:42,633 --> 00:15:44,500 and if there's one thing I know, 383 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,400 it's that a mother always knows her child. 384 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,167 - They keep in touch with their egg donor! 385 00:15:49,167 --> 00:15:51,067 Okay? Her name is Brooke 386 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:55,600 and she's an anesthesiologist in New Haven. 387 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,800 - But I was so sure. 388 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,100 I guess I just got excited about the possibility 389 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:04,300 of having a child because I feel like I'm running out of time. 390 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:06,500 [gentle music] 391 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,367 I don't wanna be like Ms. Cabot, you know? 392 00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:12,133 Without somebody to come get my things. 393 00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,400 - I do know. 394 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,800 I always wanted to be a father, 395 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,067 but I could never convince Roberta. 396 00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:22,867 And now I'm all alone and she's expecting twins 397 00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:26,333 with a blue jean mogul. 398 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,333 I feel like I'm running out of time, too. 399 00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:30,200 - Okay, I'm sorry. I can't listen to you 400 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,700 complain about this. 401 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,667 You're a man. You could be a hundred years old, 402 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,367 paralyzed from the neck down and still get somebody pregnant. 403 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:39,333 I'm 29. In this culture, I'm practically dead. 404 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,900 - That's not true. - Yes, it is! 405 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,567 Do you have any idea what it's like to deal 406 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,300 with a constant barrage of people asking you 407 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,200 if you're married or have kids yet? 408 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,133 Because apparently, that's what makes you a legitimate woman 409 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,467 in this country. 410 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,267 Do you think I wanna be like this? 411 00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:54,433 I don't! But when it comes down to it, 412 00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:57,367 women's bodies are operating on an unfair timeline. 413 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,767 We're still programmed to be given away 414 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,267 at 14 years old for a couple of sheep, 415 00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:03,833 and turn geriatric by the age of 35. 416 00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,733 So I'm sorry, Toby, 417 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,733 but you're not running out of time. 418 00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:10,567 I am. 419 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:14,100 - I apologize. You're right. 420 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,167 I can't tell you that you've got plenty of time. 421 00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:20,600 But I can tell you that your unnatural attachment 422 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,167 to that child proves that someday 423 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,800 you will be a wonderful mother. 424 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,733 - Thank you. 425 00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:32,700 That actually makes me feel a little better. 426 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,333 - Good. 427 00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,867 Well, now that that's cleared up. 428 00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:39,167 I think you can see that your actions were a little-- 429 00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:40,700 - Over the top, yeah. 430 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,867 - I was gonna say demented. 431 00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:45,467 * 432 00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:48,300 Would you like coffee? - No. This isn't a thing. 433 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,333 - Okay. 434 00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:51,367 [dramatic music] 435 00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:54,267 - If anyone stops us, don't make a sound. 436 00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:56,833 - Okay. - We'll miss you, Colin. 437 00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:58,333 But there's a better life for you out there 438 00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:00,067 and you have to do it. 439 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,100 For all of us. 440 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,333 - It's time. 441 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,433 Watch out for the charcoals. 442 00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:12,567 * 443 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,633 - Ms. Cannon. 444 00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:21,767 What are you doing in the test-taking zone? 445 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,333 - Oh, I was just bringing Chelsea 446 00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:27,067 some more number two pencils. 447 00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:29,200 - Very well. As you were. 448 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,267 * 449 00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:33,900 - [sighs] 450 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,267 - Oh, Ms. Cannon. 451 00:18:35,267 --> 00:18:37,367 * 452 00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:39,800 Just one more question. 453 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,667 If you're just delivering pencils, 454 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:45,533 then why did you bring the entire art cart? 455 00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:48,267 What's under there? 456 00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,800 Where's your note? - Run, Colin! 457 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,700 Tell the others they only need a note 458 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600 to get out of taking the test! Run! 459 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,833 - We don't have to take the test! 460 00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,900 You just need a note to be free! 461 00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,633 * 462 00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:03,767 [excited indistinct chatter] 463 00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,067 - * Tear it down 464 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,700 * Tear it down 465 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,433 - Well, I hope you're happy. 466 00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,433 We've most certainly lost our funding 467 00:19:15,433 --> 00:19:16,933 with this many opt-outs. 468 00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,067 - School should be a place where children are free to grow, 469 00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,233 not spend their days taking some oppressive tests. 470 00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:22,667 - True dat. - I'm surprised 471 00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,233 at you, Ms. Snap. 472 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,633 Aren't you concerned about your merit-based pay? 473 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,133 - Of course. I'm always thinking about myself. 474 00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,133 That's why I bribed my smartest students with candy 475 00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:32,300 not to opt out. 476 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,967 I got all the teachers to do the same. 477 00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:36,133 Fillmore is gonna have the best scores in the district. 478 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:39,967 - Your self-serving nature never ceases to amaze me. 479 00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:42,667 [rock music] 480 00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:45,867 - Ooh. These are gonna be so smooth. 481 00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:49,367 Mm. Thanks again, guys. 482 00:19:49,367 --> 00:19:51,933 Oh, yeah. 483 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,133 And so will this. 484 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,767 And this. 485 00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,533 Oh, and these bad boys are gonna be gone. 486 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,900 [rock music] 487 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:10,833 * 488 00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:15,000 - * Tear it down 489 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,633 * Tear it down 490 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,400 * Tear it down 491 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,600 * Tear it down 492 00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,067 - Oh, yeah. 36368

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