Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,709 --> 00:00:02,577
[theme music]
2
00:00:02,677 --> 00:00:05,580
ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:17,758
starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
5
00:00:21,629 --> 00:00:25,466
Oh, Jerry, this is a bad day for
me to have a wisdom tooth out.
7
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:28,436
I got a whole big western sketch to write down at the office.
8
00:00:28,536 --> 00:00:29,937
Rob, will you relax?
9
00:00:30,037 --> 00:00:31,505
This is a simple extraction.
10
00:00:31,606 --> 00:00:33,007
Look, you've been putting this off for a couple of months.
11
00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:36,444
Now, it'll be over with, you'll be back at the
office writing the sketch this afternoon.
13
00:00:36,544 --> 00:00:40,314
I got a Western sketch, uh,
with a sheriff, cowboys and everything.
15
00:00:40,414 --> 00:00:41,315
Just relax.
16
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:42,583
The pill has to take effect.
17
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:43,951
It'll be all right. - It'll win an Emmy.
18
00:00:44,051 --> 00:00:45,152
Take it easy.
19
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:48,456
Yeah, I'll be a sheriff in a Western.
20
00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:51,325
[clicking tongue]
21
00:00:52,126 --> 00:00:56,297
[music playing]
22
00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:50,951
Oh howdy, sheriff.
23
00:01:51,052 --> 00:01:52,953
Howdy, Buddy.
24
00:01:53,054 --> 00:01:54,555
Town peaceful while I was away?
25
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,724
Yeah, didn't have a bit of trouble.
26
00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:58,359
Did you hear from my wife and boy?
27
00:01:58,459 --> 00:02:01,262
Yeah, they said they wanted to hear
from you as soon as you got in.
29
00:02:01,362 --> 00:02:02,797
Better call 'em.
30
00:02:02,897 --> 00:02:03,798
Laura!
31
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,368
I'm back!
32
00:02:07,468 --> 00:02:09,370
MILLIE: She's not home, Rob!
33
00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:10,871
This is Millie.
34
00:02:10,971 --> 00:02:12,506
Can I take a message?
35
00:02:12,606 --> 00:02:14,975
No, I'll call back!
36
00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:15,943
Bye!
37
00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:16,977
MILLIE: Bye!
38
00:02:19,647 --> 00:02:22,249
Gotta move closer to the office.
39
00:02:22,349 --> 00:02:23,217
Coffee hot?
40
00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,452
Yeah, it should be.
41
00:02:24,552 --> 00:02:25,619
It's been cooking since last Tuesday.
42
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,227
Howdy, sheriff, and welcome home.
43
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,428
Howdy, Ms. Sally.
44
00:02:34,528 --> 00:02:36,697
And here's your favorite fried chicken.
45
00:02:36,797 --> 00:02:39,300
Oh boy, and hominy grits.
46
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,968
Oh, I don't know, about 40 or 50.
47
00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:47,308
Well, how are things at the saloon, Ms. Sal?
48
00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:48,509
Well, OK now.
49
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:51,512
But last night, a couple of
cowpokes really broke up the joint.
51
00:02:51,612 --> 00:02:53,247
I thought you said you didn't have any trouble.
52
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:56,817
I didn't have no trouble, she did.
53
00:02:56,917 --> 00:03:01,021
Hey, tell me, sheriff,
catch any of these fellows on this trip?
55
00:03:01,122 --> 00:03:02,156
Nope.
56
00:03:02,256 --> 00:03:05,726
Well, when you do, don't forget,
I get that one and that one and that one.
58
00:03:05,826 --> 00:03:07,394
Boy, you sure ain't choosy.
59
00:03:07,495 --> 00:03:09,130
Oh, yes, I am.
60
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:14,101
This one, that's the only one I want no part of, Big Bad Brady.
61
00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:15,569
[clattering]
62
00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:18,672
How come every time somebody mentions
Big Bad Brady you drop a tray?
64
00:03:18,773 --> 00:03:20,641
I once ruled with Brady.
65
00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:21,442
When?
66
00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:22,910
When I was a gunslinger.
67
00:03:23,010 --> 00:03:24,078
You were a gunslinger?
68
00:03:24,178 --> 00:03:25,279
Yep.
69
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,181
You were a gunslinger turned sheriff?
70
00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:29,583
No, my last job was parson.
71
00:03:31,886 --> 00:03:33,788
You were a gunslinger turned parson?
72
00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:37,558
No, when I quit being a gunslinger, I became a singer.
73
00:03:37,658 --> 00:03:39,160
A slinger turned singer.
74
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,596
I hated all that violence, so I became a singer in a saloon.
75
00:03:42,696 --> 00:03:44,165
A singing parson.
76
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,734
No, parson came later.
77
00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:52,373
Folks didn't like my singing,
so I became a dancer, then a rancher.
79
00:03:52,473 --> 00:03:57,311
A slinger singer turned rancher dancer.
80
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:58,445
Then you became a sheriff.
81
00:03:58,546 --> 00:03:59,580
- Don't forget the parson. - Yeah.
82
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,148
No, it's easy, look.
83
00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:04,718
I was a slinger turned singer turned dancer
turned rancher turned parson turned sheriff.
85
00:04:04,819 --> 00:04:05,753
Oh.
86
00:04:09,156 --> 00:04:11,992
When you became sheriff, you swore you'd get Brady, right?
87
00:04:12,092 --> 00:04:14,228
No, I swore to get Brady when I was a dancer.
88
00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:18,499
But then what can a dancer do to anybody?
89
00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:20,501
Yes, why'd you swear to get him?
90
00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:24,104
Because I wanted to rid the worst of
everything that's mean and corrupt and ugly.
92
00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:28,509
Then you better save one of them bullets for my wife.
93
00:04:28,609 --> 00:04:30,778
Grab some sky.
94
00:04:30,878 --> 00:04:32,446
I wouldn't do that, sheriff.
95
00:04:32,546 --> 00:04:33,447
I can't.
96
00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:36,584
I couldn't find the key.
97
00:04:36,684 --> 00:04:38,285
Who are you and what do you want?
98
00:04:38,385 --> 00:04:39,453
That's Killer Cooley.
99
00:04:39,553 --> 00:04:42,256
How could you tell with my hat on?
100
00:04:42,356 --> 00:04:45,593
You forgot to cover the Ponderosa.
101
00:04:45,693 --> 00:04:47,027
So you're a Killer Cooley, eh?
102
00:04:47,127 --> 00:04:47,962
Right.
103
00:04:48,062 --> 00:04:49,930
Bad Brady's weak brother-in-law.
104
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:50,965
Yeah, darn it.
105
00:04:51,065 --> 00:04:53,133
And I got a message for you from Bad.
106
00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:55,836
That ain't good.
107
00:04:55,936 --> 00:04:58,305
He wants me to tell you two things.
108
00:04:58,405 --> 00:04:59,673
First, he's coming to town.
109
00:04:59,773 --> 00:05:00,774
Over my dead body.
110
00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:03,177
That's the second thing.
111
00:05:03,277 --> 00:05:04,311
That don't scare me none.
112
00:05:04,411 --> 00:05:05,980
I can still handle these irons.
113
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,915
Oh, boy.
114
00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:09,783
Sheriff, you keep forgetting, you ain't got no guns.
115
00:05:09,884 --> 00:05:11,619
A sheriff without guns?
116
00:05:11,719 --> 00:05:14,021
When I quit being a gunslinger, I hung up my guns.
117
00:05:14,121 --> 00:05:14,855
I ain't wore 'em since.
118
00:05:14,955 --> 00:05:16,457
You gave up gun fighting?
119
00:05:16,557 --> 00:05:17,992
No, I forgot where I hung 'em.
120
00:05:18,092 --> 00:05:19,526
I just looked everywhere, the basement, Ritchie's room.
121
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:20,928
I don't know where they are.
122
00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:23,063
Well, you better find 'em, and by tomorrow noon.
123
00:05:23,163 --> 00:05:24,465
Why, by high noon?
124
00:05:24,565 --> 00:05:27,735
Because that's when Bad Brady is coming to town for the show.
125
00:05:27,835 --> 00:05:29,503
You mean the showdown, stupid.
126
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:30,871
I mean, the show, Shorty.
127
00:05:30,971 --> 00:05:32,840
He wants to see a stage show.
128
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,608
Oh, hey, I play the cello.
129
00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:37,878
Well, you better play it good, because he you don't
like anybody in the show he's gonna kill 'em.
131
00:05:37,978 --> 00:05:40,814
Nobody's gonna want to be in the show
if they know they're gonna get killed.
133
00:05:40,915 --> 00:05:43,951
That's the sheriff's problem.
134
00:05:44,051 --> 00:05:47,721
And if he don't get a good show together,
there's only one person gonna get killed,
136
00:05:47,821 --> 00:05:51,158
and that's the sheriff.
137
00:05:51,258 --> 00:05:52,693
Are you scared, sheriff?
138
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:58,332
Ms. Sally, I don't know the meaning of the word
scared-- terrified, panic stricken, I know all those.
140
00:06:06,607 --> 00:06:07,441
Howdy, Laura.
141
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:08,642
Howdy.
142
00:06:11,178 --> 00:06:12,079
Oh!
143
00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:16,116
How was your trip?
144
00:06:16,216 --> 00:06:18,452
Fine, fine.
145
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,187
How's the boy?
146
00:06:20,287 --> 00:06:21,555
Good, good.
147
00:06:21,655 --> 00:06:23,891
Fine, fine.
148
00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,726
Rob, you seem a mite fidgety.
149
00:06:25,826 --> 00:06:27,227
Is something bothering you?
150
00:06:27,328 --> 00:06:29,196
No, no, nothing wrong.
151
00:06:29,296 --> 00:06:30,531
Good.
152
00:06:30,631 --> 00:06:32,032
Making a pretty new dress?
153
00:06:32,132 --> 00:06:33,600
You like it?
154
00:06:33,701 --> 00:06:36,804
(SHAKILY) It's beautiful.
155
00:06:36,904 --> 00:06:39,239
Rob, there is something wrong.
156
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:41,675
No, no, nothing's wrong.
157
00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:43,010
Well, good.
158
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:45,612
I'm making this for the big social Sunday night.
159
00:06:45,713 --> 00:06:48,916
(SHAKILY) There ain't gonna be no social.
160
00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:52,753
Rob, are you trying to hide something from me?
161
00:06:52,853 --> 00:06:55,055
I've held it in as long as I can, Laura.
162
00:06:55,155 --> 00:06:56,090
What?
163
00:06:56,190 --> 00:06:59,326
(SHAKILY) Bad Brady's coming to town.
164
00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:01,228
Oh, no, Rob!
165
00:07:01,328 --> 00:07:03,630
Bad Brady's coming to town!
166
00:07:03,731 --> 00:07:05,132
- Now, now, woman. - Oh, Rob.
167
00:07:05,232 --> 00:07:06,066
[sobbing]
168
00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:07,868
No sense in the both of us crying.
169
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:10,371
You're absolutely right, Rob, there's no sense in it at all.
170
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,039
BOTH: [sobbing]
171
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:15,709
Well, what's he coming to town for anyway?
172
00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:17,244
What do you think?
173
00:07:17,344 --> 00:07:18,479
You?
174
00:07:18,579 --> 00:07:20,080
What else would he want in this town?
175
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:24,551
Well, he always did like me a little.
176
00:07:24,651 --> 00:07:26,053
No, honey, he wants me.
177
00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:27,888
I'm the one who deserted his gang.
178
00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:30,991
Well, don't you worry, Rob, we've run
before and we can certainly run again.
180
00:07:31,091 --> 00:07:33,894
Well, I'm tired of running.
181
00:07:33,994 --> 00:07:37,264
You're not thinking of facing him, are you?
182
00:07:37,364 --> 00:07:38,699
May not have to.
183
00:07:38,799 --> 00:07:45,406
He wants to see a show, and if it's good, he'll
just see the show and rob the bank and leave town.
185
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,307
And if it isn't good?
186
00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:49,176
He'll kill everybody in it.
187
00:07:49,276 --> 00:07:51,478
Who's gonna want to be in a show like that?
188
00:07:51,578 --> 00:07:54,848
Well, if there ain't no show, he's just gonna kill me.
189
00:07:54,948 --> 00:07:59,820
Well, that seems fair-- I
mean, from his point of view.
191
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:04,625
I'm going over to Sally's saloon and get some
volunteers before they find out it's a suicide show.
194
00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:05,893
But Rob, you've been away for two weeks.
195
00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:08,729
Don't you want to see the boy?
196
00:08:08,829 --> 00:08:11,999
Can he sing or dance?
197
00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:12,766
No.
198
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:13,967
He can wait.
199
00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:20,340
[laughing and yelling]
200
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:31,051
Well, I reckon you heard about the show.
201
00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:34,354
Hi, Buck.
202
00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:37,524
Howdy, Frank.
203
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:42,229
Howdy, Jesse.
204
00:08:42,329 --> 00:08:43,230
Howdy, James.
205
00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:46,900
Howdy, Doody.
206
00:08:49,937 --> 00:08:51,405
Howdy, Buddy.
207
00:08:51,505 --> 00:08:52,406
Howdy, stranger.
208
00:08:55,042 --> 00:08:59,580
Folks, I'd like to talk to you about
the great show we're gonna put on.
210
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,282
I know you'd all like to be in it,
but I'm afraid we're going to have
212
00:09:02,382 --> 00:09:04,785
to cast this thing on a first come, first served basis.
213
00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:08,622
Well, I know you're disappointed.
214
00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:11,992
And we'll try to put as many of you in as we possibly can.
215
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:15,696
So to keep this thing orderly, I think
it'd be better if all the man lined up
217
00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:18,565
on this side of the room and all the ladies lined up over there.
218
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:25,038
Actually, I have a better idea.
219
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:30,944
You just stay and relax where you are and
Ms. Sal and I will go from table to table.
221
00:09:31,044 --> 00:09:32,746
You'd rather line up, huh?
222
00:09:32,846 --> 00:09:33,947
All right, that's all right with me.
223
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:35,382
All the men over here.
224
00:09:35,482 --> 00:09:36,984
Wait a minute, folks.
225
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:40,721
Here-- All right, you want to line up outside, that's fine.
226
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:43,757
OK, folks, all the men over there.
227
00:09:43,857 --> 00:09:45,159
Oh, that's a good idea.
228
00:09:45,259 --> 00:09:47,561
I'll come to your homes and talk to you about it.
229
00:09:47,661 --> 00:09:48,829
[gunshot]
230
00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:49,930
Well, I guess that leaves the three of us.
231
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:51,131
Nope, just two.
232
00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:53,367
I got a cello concert in Dodge City.
233
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:57,971
Well, Ms. Sal, I reckon I can
count on you to sing a song for us.
235
00:09:58,071 --> 00:10:00,874
What, without a cello?
236
00:10:00,974 --> 00:10:03,710
A man desperately needs help and nobody'll help him.
237
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,712
What kind of a town is this?
238
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:08,849
Your average American town.
239
00:10:08,949 --> 00:10:12,486
I'm at the time in a man's life when he's got
to make a, choice whether he's gonna fight
241
00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:13,921
or whether he's gonna run.
242
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,725
I think he's going home to strap on his guns.
243
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,194
Or lace up his sneakers.
244
00:10:25,765 --> 00:10:27,533
I ain't leaving.
245
00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:28,467
I ain't running no more.
246
00:10:28,568 --> 00:10:29,435
We ain't leaving town.
247
00:10:29,535 --> 00:10:30,703
I'm gonna face him.
248
00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:32,371
Rob, I do wish you'd stop saying that.
249
00:10:32,471 --> 00:10:33,506
Well, I ain't leaving.
250
00:10:33,606 --> 00:10:35,741
"Ain't" is what I wish you'd stop saying, Rob.
251
00:10:35,841 --> 00:10:37,310
The boy's beginning to pick it up.
252
00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:38,511
It sounds bad.
253
00:10:38,611 --> 00:10:40,079
Well, I aren't leaving town.
254
00:10:43,749 --> 00:10:45,451
You see that man?
255
00:10:45,551 --> 00:10:48,154
I wish I knew who that was.
256
00:10:48,254 --> 00:10:50,189
But if he was my pa, he wouldn't want me running.
257
00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:53,559
Oh, but Rob, I just don't want to be married to a dead hero.
258
00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:55,761
Would you rather be married to a live coward?
259
00:10:55,861 --> 00:10:57,897
I've loved every minute of it.
260
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:03,202
In exactly one hour, Bad Brady's coming to town.
261
00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:06,038
And we'll be gone just as soon as I finish this dress.
262
00:11:06,138 --> 00:11:07,874
What are you fooling with that dress for anyway?
263
00:11:07,974 --> 00:11:09,508
It's my new traveling dress.
264
00:11:09,609 --> 00:11:10,610
Well, wear the one you got on.
265
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:11,911
I can't, Rob.
266
00:11:12,011 --> 00:11:14,146
I wore this one the last time we ran away.
267
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:15,548
I can't wear it again.
268
00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:17,550
Now, let me just check this length on you.
269
00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:23,022
I just don't know what to do,
whether to stay or run or run or stay.
271
00:11:23,122 --> 00:11:24,390
The hem is uneven.
272
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,424
I gotta go get the pins.
273
00:11:28,628 --> 00:11:32,198
Mommy, mommy, the kids are all hitting
me and saying daddy is a sissy!
275
00:11:36,469 --> 00:11:39,438
Mommy, daddy isn't a sissy, is he?
276
00:11:39,538 --> 00:11:42,842
Of course, not son.
277
00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:44,677
Daddy, you're wearing a dress.
278
00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:47,847
It ain't what a man wears, boy, it's what's in his heart.
279
00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:50,950
Is that a sissy in your heart, daddy?
280
00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:52,652
Boy, who told you I was a sissy in my heart?
281
00:11:52,752 --> 00:11:55,388
All the kids said you were afraid of Big Bad Brady.
282
00:11:57,990 --> 00:11:59,492
Do you believe 'em, boy?
283
00:11:59,592 --> 00:12:01,794
You look good in that dress, daddy.
284
00:12:01,894 --> 00:12:04,263
All right, son, stop bothering your pa.
285
00:12:04,363 --> 00:12:06,565
Go pack your bags, we're leaving town.
286
00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:07,833
He is a sissy!
287
00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,568
We're running!
288
00:12:09,669 --> 00:12:11,837
We are not running!
289
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:13,105
Rob, where are you going?
290
00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:15,541
I'm gonna go and find my guns.
291
00:12:15,641 --> 00:12:17,276
- Oh. - Hi, Laura.
292
00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:18,411
Hi, Rob.
293
00:12:18,511 --> 00:12:21,180
Oh say, that's a pretty dress you're wearing.
294
00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:26,686
Why is he wearing a pretty dress?
295
00:12:26,786 --> 00:12:28,054
Oh, Millie.
296
00:12:28,154 --> 00:12:30,656
Wear this yourself.
297
00:12:30,756 --> 00:12:32,091
Laura, what's going on?
298
00:12:32,191 --> 00:12:36,462
Millie, he's out there right now looking for
his guns because nobody in this rotten town
300
00:12:36,562 --> 00:12:40,766
has guts enough to get up on a stage and face Bad Brady.
301
00:12:40,866 --> 00:12:42,335
That's it.
302
00:12:42,435 --> 00:12:44,937
Right, Rob should get on the stage and ride out of town.
303
00:12:45,037 --> 00:12:46,105
No, I'm gonna get up on the stage.
304
00:12:46,205 --> 00:12:47,340
Millie, where's my old costume?
305
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,441
You're dancing and singing costumes?
306
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:49,475
Yeah.
307
00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:52,478
Millie, I'm gonna get up on that stage and
sing and dance my heart out for my man.
309
00:12:54,947 --> 00:12:55,881
Oh, howdy, sheriff.
310
00:12:55,981 --> 00:12:57,116
I was just packing your things.
311
00:12:57,216 --> 00:12:58,150
I ain't leaving.
312
00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,218
Hey, can I have your things?
313
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:00,720
I ain't dying either.
314
00:13:00,820 --> 00:13:02,021
You're gonna face Brady?
315
00:13:02,121 --> 00:13:03,422
Help me find my guns, will you?
316
00:13:03,522 --> 00:13:04,890
What are you gonna do if you can't find the guns?
317
00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:06,258
I'll face him with my face.
318
00:13:06,359 --> 00:13:08,728
That ain't too good against bullets.
319
00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:09,829
Yeah.
320
00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:11,764
Howdy, gents.
321
00:13:11,864 --> 00:13:12,698
Who are you?
322
00:13:12,798 --> 00:13:15,167
I sell guns.
323
00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:16,402
Yeah, what do you got?
324
00:13:16,502 --> 00:13:18,604
I got the best line in the territory.
325
00:13:18,704 --> 00:13:23,142
Gosh, I hate to buy a gun for just one afternoon.
326
00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,744
But these will last you a lifetime.
327
00:13:24,844 --> 00:13:27,747
For him, that's one afternoon.
328
00:13:27,847 --> 00:13:29,849
Yeah, just heft these babies.
329
00:13:29,949 --> 00:13:30,816
They're beauties now.
330
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:31,951
Uh-huh.
331
00:13:32,051 --> 00:13:33,252
Give 'em a little try out there.
332
00:13:33,352 --> 00:13:34,920
I see.
333
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:36,789
Well, those are nice.
334
00:13:36,889 --> 00:13:38,124
Do you have anything in black?
335
00:13:38,224 --> 00:13:39,692
Most of my wardrobe is black.
336
00:13:42,395 --> 00:13:43,996
No, haven't got any black.
337
00:13:44,096 --> 00:13:45,965
Hey, how about a set of pearls?
338
00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:47,299
Pearls would be perfect.
339
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,402
What else goes better with basic black?
340
00:13:52,204 --> 00:13:53,439
Too fussy.
341
00:13:56,442 --> 00:13:59,979
Well, here's a modest little gun you might find amusing.
342
00:14:00,079 --> 00:14:02,815
Hey, try that out.
343
00:14:02,915 --> 00:14:05,351
What do you-- Oh, it's
nice, but it's not you.
345
00:14:05,451 --> 00:14:09,455
Yeah, you know what I think is
wrong, it's the barrel is too short.
347
00:14:09,555 --> 00:14:11,390
See, I have a long thigh-line.
348
00:14:17,263 --> 00:14:18,264
Try this baby out.
349
00:14:18,364 --> 00:14:19,698
Oh, that's pretty.
350
00:14:19,799 --> 00:14:20,833
A beauty.
351
00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:22,368
Looks a little expensive, though.
352
00:14:22,468 --> 00:14:24,637
I can give you a deal on that, though, it's second hand.
353
00:14:24,737 --> 00:14:25,938
Oh, really?
354
00:14:26,038 --> 00:14:30,810
Used only once to kill a little old lady in Pasadena.
355
00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,778
No thank you.
356
00:14:32,878 --> 00:14:34,113
Give me that back.
357
00:14:34,213 --> 00:14:35,648
You're not gonna buy, you're just gonna look.
358
00:14:35,748 --> 00:14:37,716
I haven't time for all this shilly-shally.
359
00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:39,084
I'm a busy man.
360
00:14:39,185 --> 00:14:42,555
I have to get on to Arizona by July, you know.
361
00:14:42,655 --> 00:14:44,857
Look at that clock, it's 5 to 12:00.
362
00:14:44,957 --> 00:14:46,058
I gotta get to that saloon.
363
00:14:46,158 --> 00:14:47,393
Go ahead, sheriff.
364
00:14:47,493 --> 00:14:48,527
When I find your guns, I'll bring them over.
365
00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:49,562
Good thinking.
366
00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:50,796
Good, if I'm late, start without me.
367
00:14:54,032 --> 00:14:54,866
Will you hold it?
368
00:14:54,966 --> 00:14:55,834
Now wait a minute.
369
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:57,135
The odds are 20 to 1.
370
00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:58,069
Now who wants some action?
371
00:14:58,169 --> 00:14:58,970
I want in.
372
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:00,205
[yelling]
373
00:15:00,305 --> 00:15:01,706
20 over here. [interposing voices]
374
00:15:01,806 --> 00:15:02,674
And another.
375
00:15:02,774 --> 00:15:03,608
OK, I got you.
376
00:15:03,708 --> 00:15:04,576
Hold it!
377
00:15:04,676 --> 00:15:05,510
[whistles]
378
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:06,511
MAN: Right here.
379
00:15:06,611 --> 00:15:09,447
You folks know gambling's illegal.
380
00:15:09,547 --> 00:15:12,917
Come on, sheriff, let the folks have their fun.
381
00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:14,486
What they betting on, Sal?
382
00:15:14,586 --> 00:15:15,553
You.
383
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:16,488
Me?
384
00:15:16,588 --> 00:15:18,490
Yeah, and your fight with Brady.
385
00:15:18,590 --> 00:15:20,225
They betting on me to win?
386
00:15:20,325 --> 00:15:24,128
No, on which way you'll fall.
387
00:15:24,229 --> 00:15:25,864
It's 20 to 1 for backwards.
388
00:15:25,964 --> 00:15:27,866
You want some of the action?
389
00:15:27,966 --> 00:15:28,867
MAN: I want in!
390
00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:31,202
[interposing voices]
391
00:15:31,302 --> 00:15:32,937
How about you, Ben?
392
00:15:33,037 --> 00:15:34,472
Folks!
393
00:15:34,572 --> 00:15:35,473
Folks!
394
00:15:35,573 --> 00:15:36,474
Attention!
395
00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:40,111
Atten-- [piano playing]
396
00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:41,379
[gunshot]
397
00:15:44,115 --> 00:15:45,316
It's Killer Cooley.
398
00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:46,718
And it's high noon.
399
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:54,125
Hello, sheriff.
400
00:15:54,225 --> 00:15:55,126
We meet again.
401
00:15:55,226 --> 00:15:56,060
Yup.
402
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,395
Got a good show for me?
403
00:15:57,495 --> 00:16:01,332
There ain't gonna be no show.
404
00:16:01,432 --> 00:16:03,334
Did he say what I think he said?
405
00:16:03,434 --> 00:16:04,536
- He said to-- - Shut up!
406
00:16:04,636 --> 00:16:05,236
Yes, sir.
407
00:16:05,336 --> 00:16:06,471
Go stand in the corner.
408
00:16:10,441 --> 00:16:12,477
There's not gonna be no show, huh?
409
00:16:12,577 --> 00:16:13,411
Nope.
410
00:16:13,511 --> 00:16:14,979
I guess you know what that means.
411
00:16:15,079 --> 00:16:16,214
Yep.
412
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:21,386
All right, sheriff.
413
00:16:21,486 --> 00:16:22,587
Go for your guns.
414
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:24,289
OK.
415
00:16:24,389 --> 00:16:26,324
Where you going?
416
00:16:26,424 --> 00:16:27,792
Going for my guns. They should have been here.
417
00:16:27,892 --> 00:16:29,160
Now, I don't know what's keeping 'em.
418
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,495
Hold it! You ain't going nowhere!
419
00:16:30,595 --> 00:16:31,996
You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man, would you?
420
00:16:32,096 --> 00:16:34,198
That's one of my best things.
421
00:16:34,299 --> 00:16:35,567
It's showtime!
422
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:36,301
Showtime?
423
00:16:36,401 --> 00:16:37,635
What's going on here?
424
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,904
You came to see a show, there's gonna be a show.
425
00:16:40,004 --> 00:16:41,005
Get out of here!
426
00:16:41,105 --> 00:16:43,241
It better be a good one!
427
00:16:43,341 --> 00:16:44,709
Maestro, please!
428
00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:48,479
[MUSIC - JEAN LENOX AND HARRY SUTTON, "I DON'T CARE"]
429
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:53,351
(SINGING) They say I'm crazy, got no sense, but I don't care.
430
00:16:53,451 --> 00:16:58,256
They may or may not mean offense, but I don't care.
431
00:16:58,356 --> 00:17:01,759
You see, I'm sort of independent,
of a clever race descendent.
433
00:17:01,859 --> 00:17:04,862
My star is on the ascendant, that's why I don't care.
434
00:17:04,963 --> 00:17:06,164
[cheering]
435
00:17:06,264 --> 00:17:07,532
Wait, just hold it!
436
00:17:07,632 --> 00:17:08,733
Hold it!
437
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:12,103
Laura, you-- I want you to come down off
of there and you come down right now.
439
00:17:12,203 --> 00:17:13,237
Hey, you!
440
00:17:13,338 --> 00:17:15,139
You, you, you let that lady sing.
441
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,641
That ain't no lady, that's my wife.
442
00:17:16,741 --> 00:17:19,544
Oh, Rob, please, please let me do this thing.
443
00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:21,245
Laura, this is my fight.
444
00:17:21,346 --> 00:17:22,180
I don't care.
445
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,081
[piano playing]
446
00:17:23,181 --> 00:17:25,516
Not you.
447
00:17:25,617 --> 00:17:27,485
Don't you realize that man's a killer?
448
00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:28,886
Rob, I don't care.
449
00:17:28,987 --> 00:17:29,787
[piano playing]
450
00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:32,590
Will you stop!
451
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:35,460
Laura, I don't want you to sing.
452
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,898
If she don't sing, I'm gonna kill an innocent bystander.
453
00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:43,334
Don't sing, honey.
454
00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:44,335
[gunshot]
455
00:17:44,435 --> 00:17:45,603
[groans]
456
00:17:49,374 --> 00:17:52,744
That don't scare me none.
457
00:17:52,844 --> 00:17:53,811
[gunshot]
458
00:17:57,415 --> 00:17:59,717
That don't scare me none either.
459
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:00,718
You're next.
460
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:01,886
(SINGING) Ya-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah.
461
00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:02,820
[piano playing]
462
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:03,888
(SINGING) I don't care.
463
00:18:03,988 --> 00:18:08,092
I don't care what they may think of me.
464
00:18:08,192 --> 00:18:14,432
Men say I am plucky, so happy go lucky, so jolly and carefree.
465
00:18:14,532 --> 00:18:16,367
I don't care.
466
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:20,304
I don't care if I do get the cold and stony stare.
467
00:18:20,405 --> 00:18:26,310
If I'm never successful, it won't
be distressful, 'cause I don't care.
469
00:18:26,411 --> 00:18:27,211
Yeah!
470
00:18:27,311 --> 00:18:29,747
[cheering]
471
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:30,515
Oh, Rob.
472
00:18:30,615 --> 00:18:31,749
Rob, I saved your life.
473
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:32,450
I saved your life.
474
00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:33,584
Isn't that wonderful?
475
00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:35,153
What'd you think of the show, Bad?
476
00:18:35,253 --> 00:18:37,455
One lousy chorus of "I Don't Care," you call that a show?
477
00:18:37,555 --> 00:18:38,523
That's no show.
478
00:18:38,623 --> 00:18:40,291
Hey, is this anything?
479
00:18:40,391 --> 00:18:46,264
(SINGING) Every little
movement has-- I guess not.
481
00:18:46,364 --> 00:18:47,865
Good luck, Rob!
482
00:18:47,965 --> 00:18:49,400
Well, this is it.
483
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,401
Hold it!
484
00:18:50,501 --> 00:18:51,602
Who are you?
485
00:18:51,703 --> 00:18:53,104
Deputy Sheriff Sorrell.
486
00:18:53,204 --> 00:18:54,706
I hate lawmen.
487
00:18:54,806 --> 00:18:55,907
Call me Buddy.
488
00:18:56,007 --> 00:18:57,542
Put that away.
489
00:18:57,642 --> 00:18:58,843
Sheriff, I got your guns.
490
00:18:58,943 --> 00:19:00,078
- Oh, no. - Good.
491
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:01,346
Where'd you find 'em?
492
00:19:01,446 --> 00:19:03,281
Your kid Ritchie was playing with 'em.
493
00:19:03,381 --> 00:19:04,982
No wonder he's been losing all his friends.
494
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:08,252
Rob, if you put those guns on, I'll never speak to you again.
495
00:19:08,352 --> 00:19:10,054
Probably not, but I got to.
496
00:19:10,154 --> 00:19:11,055
Oh, Rob.
497
00:19:13,691 --> 00:19:16,327
You're really going through with it, eh, sheriff?
498
00:19:16,427 --> 00:19:19,564
I'm through running.
499
00:19:19,664 --> 00:19:20,832
I'm through walking, too.
500
00:19:20,932 --> 00:19:22,033
I can't do that.
501
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:24,335
Oh, Rob, you're out of practice, out of practice.
502
00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:26,104
Let him practice, huh?
503
00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:29,507
Go ahead and practice,
it ain't gonna do you no good nohow.
505
00:19:29,607 --> 00:19:36,214
All right, you with the cards
there, throw a card up in the air.
507
00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:37,482
[gunshot]
508
00:19:39,851 --> 00:19:41,052
Are you ready?
509
00:19:41,152 --> 00:19:41,986
Are you kidding?
510
00:19:42,086 --> 00:19:42,887
Did you see that?
511
00:19:42,987 --> 00:19:44,122
I need more practice.
512
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:45,656
Go ahead and take it.
513
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:53,331
[gunshot]
514
00:19:53,431 --> 00:19:54,332
[glass shattering]
515
00:19:54,432 --> 00:19:58,302
[gunshots]
516
00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:00,605
[glass shattering]
517
00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:07,378
Hey, that's pretty good shooting, sheriff.
518
00:20:07,478 --> 00:20:11,449
Not too good, I was shooting at the picture.
519
00:20:11,549 --> 00:20:12,416
Can I get another minute?
520
00:20:12,517 --> 00:20:13,918
No, you can't.
521
00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:14,752
Oh, Rob, please.
522
00:20:14,852 --> 00:20:16,888
Please no, don't do it, please.
523
00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:20,792
Listen Bad, if you ever had any feeling
for me at all, please spare this man.
525
00:20:20,892 --> 00:20:23,161
I never had any feeling for you.
526
00:20:23,261 --> 00:20:24,061
See that, honey?
527
00:20:24,162 --> 00:20:25,163
I told you he wanted me.
528
00:20:25,263 --> 00:20:26,197
Not even a little bit.
529
00:20:26,297 --> 00:20:27,799
No, not at all.
530
00:20:27,899 --> 00:20:30,134
Maybe your sister a little bit for a while there, but no more.
531
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:31,969
Make your move, Brady.
532
00:20:32,069 --> 00:20:33,237
You make your move.
533
00:20:33,337 --> 00:20:36,073
Shouldn't I make my move?
534
00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:37,041
Yeah, good thinking.
535
00:20:37,141 --> 00:20:38,042
Thanks, Rob.
536
00:20:52,723 --> 00:20:55,760
You, give me a little of that, [vocalizing]..
537
00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:57,495
[suspenseful music] That's it.
538
00:20:57,595 --> 00:20:58,763
Yeah, that's better.
539
00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:03,367
Gotcha!
540
00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:04,735
Gotcha!
541
00:21:04,836 --> 00:21:07,104
Well, that's not gonna work.
542
00:21:07,205 --> 00:21:08,206
Back to back.
543
00:21:08,306 --> 00:21:10,708
Right, back to back.
544
00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:14,812
I'll count to three, then we draw and shoot.
545
00:21:14,912 --> 00:21:16,347
All right.
546
00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:21,085
One, two, three!
547
00:21:21,185 --> 00:21:22,119
[gunshots]
548
00:21:24,388 --> 00:21:25,556
You didn't say to turn around.
549
00:21:25,656 --> 00:21:26,691
You're supposed to tell us to turn around.
550
00:21:26,791 --> 00:21:27,959
That was implicit!
551
00:21:28,059 --> 00:21:30,294
I didn't-- I didn't mean to shoot
him, I meant to shoot him.
553
00:21:30,394 --> 00:21:31,295
[gunshot]
554
00:21:51,482 --> 00:21:52,783
Hey, I did it!
555
00:21:52,884 --> 00:21:54,752
I outdrew him fair and square.
556
00:21:54,852 --> 00:21:56,487
Did you see that? I was fast.
557
00:21:56,587 --> 00:21:57,488
He didn't have a chance.
558
00:21:57,588 --> 00:21:58,589
His gun didn't even cock!
559
00:21:58,689 --> 00:21:59,523
[gunshot]
560
00:21:59,624 --> 00:22:01,425
OK, yes, it did.
561
00:22:01,525 --> 00:22:02,360
Ow!
562
00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:03,294
Ow!
563
00:22:03,394 --> 00:22:05,196
Oh, ow, ow!
564
00:22:05,296 --> 00:22:08,966
Gee whizz, does that hurt.
565
00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:10,768
[groaning]
566
00:22:10,868 --> 00:22:11,502
Ah!
567
00:22:11,602 --> 00:22:12,703
Oh!
568
00:22:12,803 --> 00:22:13,738
Oh, I'm shot. - Where'd it hit you?
569
00:22:13,838 --> 00:22:14,839
Where'd it hit you?
570
00:22:14,939 --> 00:22:15,573
Oh.
571
00:22:15,673 --> 00:22:16,741
In the shoulder.
572
00:22:16,841 --> 00:22:18,509
All that noise for just a shoulder?
573
00:22:18,609 --> 00:22:19,610
Somebody call a doctor.
574
00:22:19,710 --> 00:22:21,045
All right, all right, all right.
575
00:22:21,145 --> 00:22:21,979
My Rob!
576
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,414
Hey, doc! Doc!
577
00:22:23,514 --> 00:22:25,950
We don't have no doctor in this
town, all we got's a dentist.
579
00:22:26,050 --> 00:22:26,884
Hey, dent!
580
00:22:26,984 --> 00:22:27,985
Dent!
581
00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,420
- Yes, Ms. Sally? - Over there.
582
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,454
Huh?
583
00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:31,923
Oh, oh, where are you hurt, pal?
584
00:22:32,023 --> 00:22:34,792
Oh, over here, dummy, he's already dead.
585
00:22:34,892 --> 00:22:37,228
Yuck!
586
00:22:37,328 --> 00:22:38,462
Jerry, can you save him?
587
00:22:38,562 --> 00:22:40,031
I don't know, where are you hurt, pal?
588
00:22:40,131 --> 00:22:44,669
Right there in the shoulder where the
blood is leaking out of that little hole.
590
00:22:44,769 --> 00:22:46,804
Well, I hope you're all satisfied.
591
00:22:46,904 --> 00:22:49,874
Nobody would face Bad Brady but Rob, now he may die.
592
00:22:49,974 --> 00:22:51,309
Are you satisfied? - Yeah, I am.
593
00:22:51,409 --> 00:22:52,243
[interposing voices]
594
00:22:52,343 --> 00:22:53,277
Pretty good.
595
00:22:53,377 --> 00:22:54,478
Let me see how he is.
596
00:22:54,579 --> 00:22:55,446
Ah!
597
00:22:55,546 --> 00:22:56,881
Oh my gosh!
598
00:22:56,981 --> 00:22:58,115
Is that a bad wound, doc?
599
00:22:58,215 --> 00:22:59,050
What wound?
600
00:22:59,150 --> 00:22:59,850
Did you see that?
601
00:22:59,951 --> 00:23:00,952
He's got an impacted tooth.
602
00:23:01,052 --> 00:23:01,852
Let me see that.
603
00:23:01,953 --> 00:23:02,587
Ah!
604
00:23:02,687 --> 00:23:04,121
Look at that!
605
00:23:04,221 --> 00:23:05,222
We gotta get you down to the office to take care of that.
606
00:23:05,323 --> 00:23:06,023
In fact-- - Oh, no.
607
00:23:06,123 --> 00:23:06,757
Oh, yeah!
608
00:23:06,857 --> 00:23:08,359
[interposing voices]
609
00:23:09,327 --> 00:23:10,528
No, no!
610
00:23:10,628 --> 00:23:11,596
No, no!
611
00:23:11,696 --> 00:23:12,730
No, no!
612
00:23:12,830 --> 00:23:13,664
Rob, Rob, now take it easy, Rob.
613
00:23:13,764 --> 00:23:14,765
Relax. Relax, Rob.
614
00:23:14,865 --> 00:23:16,300
- What? - Rob, it's all over.
615
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,202
The tooth is out.
616
00:23:18,302 --> 00:23:20,071
What are you gonna do about this bullet in my arm?
617
00:23:20,171 --> 00:23:22,039
What'd you do, have a dream, Rob?
618
00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:23,874
You wouldn't believe the dream I just had.
619
00:23:23,975 --> 00:23:25,309
I just killed Alan Brady.
620
00:23:25,409 --> 00:23:26,477
Well, not soon enough.
621
00:23:26,577 --> 00:23:30,381
His secretary called and said tooth or no tooth,
he wants that sketch done by this afternoon
623
00:23:30,481 --> 00:23:31,749
or he's gonna kill you.
624
00:23:31,849 --> 00:23:32,750
You know, that's no problem.
625
00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:34,251
He wants a Western sketch.
626
00:23:34,352 --> 00:23:35,753
I'll just use all that stuff I just had in that dream.
627
00:23:35,853 --> 00:23:38,389
Rob, did you dream about World War I?
628
00:23:38,489 --> 00:23:39,690
What?
629
00:23:39,790 --> 00:23:42,560
Alan wants a World War I sketch instead.
630
00:23:42,660 --> 00:23:44,128
Jerry, do I need another wisdom tooth out?
631
00:23:44,228 --> 00:23:44,962
Yeah.
632
00:23:45,062 --> 00:23:46,731
Put me under and take it out.
633
00:23:46,831 --> 00:23:50,001
Rob, Rob, there's no guarantee that
you're going to dream about World War I.
635
00:23:50,101 --> 00:23:52,770
I don't care, even a rat like Alan Brady
can't expect a funny sketch out of a guy
637
00:23:52,870 --> 00:23:54,171
if he had two teeth out.
638
00:23:54,271 --> 00:23:55,239
Come on, put me under.
639
00:23:55,339 --> 00:23:56,807
Take 'em all out and give me a nose job.
640
00:23:56,907 --> 00:23:59,677
Give me a haircut.
641
00:23:59,777 --> 00:24:03,948
[music playing]
642
00:24:06,751 --> 00:24:12,990
[theme music]
41106
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.