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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Well, I just can't get over it.
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You know, when I saw the moving van pull up and then
I saw you get out of the car, I said to myself,
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I do not believe this.
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When the door opened and you came out,
and I said to Fred, I don't believe.
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Isn't it wild? Gosh.
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How long has it been?
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Oh, since grammar school.
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But let's not count the years.
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No, let's not.
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What was it?
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The seventh grade?
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No, you were a year ahead of me.
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No, you were a year ahead of me.
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- No. - Yes.
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Don't you remember?
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I was a year ahead of you in dancing school.
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You were a year ahead of me in grammar school.
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Oh, that's right.
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Hey, hey, what was the name of that math teacher?
24
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Oh, you know. You know, the tall guy.
25
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He looked like Fred MacMurray. - Oh, yeah.
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What was his-- - Yoo-hoo,
Laura, I-- Hi, Millie.
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Oh, I didn't know you had company.
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Oh, you haven't met our new neighbor, have you?
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No.
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Millie Helper, this is Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Hi.
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- Mary Jane Staggs. - Which one?
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Oh, Staggs now. It used to be Gibbs.
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Oh.
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Mary Jane and her husband just moved into the place next door.
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Yeah, I know. I saw the moving van.
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Titan Van and Storage.
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Hey, I like your dining room set.
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Thank you.
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Millie, you ought to hear something.
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What?
42
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I mean, it's just such a wild coincidence.
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Mary Jane and I went to grammar school together.
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She is my very best friend.
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Oh, small world.
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Fine.
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MILLIE: What's fine?
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Our old math teacher, Mr. Fine.
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No, Mr. Klein.
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Mr. Theodore [inaudible] Klein.
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- Right, right, right. - Yes.
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I'm surprised you didn't remember it earlier, Laura.
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You had such a crush on him.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, I guess it's over now.
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I couldn't even remember his name.
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Remember that big heart that
somebody painted on the gym wall?
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Laura Meehan loves Mr. Klein.
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LAURA: Yeah.
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Did you ever find out who did it?
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I did.
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[laughter]
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How about that-- LAURA: Did you continue
taking lessons with him after I moved away?
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No.
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Gee, you know the Parker place was vacant for so long.
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Jerry's sister was interested in it for a while.
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Oh, we love it.
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Did you keep up your dancing?
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- Jerry's my husband. - Yeah.
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I did it professionally before I got married.
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Oh.
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You haven't met him yet.
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Mary Jane?
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What?
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Jerry, my husband,
the dentist-- you haven't met him yet.
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Oh, no, but I'm looking forward to it.
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Did you know, Laura, before I got
married, I was almost a Rockette.
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No kidding.
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Listen, I took dancing, too.
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That's marvelous.
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You know, military, tap.
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Of course, when I was waiting for
the big time-- well, tap was out.
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Well, I worked in a few clubs.
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Actually, I wasn't that good.
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I never got any farther than the Ted Mack auditions.
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You didn't know this dancing's the reason I met Rob.
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MARY JANE: Oh.
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Yeah.
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I was in a USO show, and Rob was in the army at the same time.
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I was there when they met.
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Mary Jane Gibbs.
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Laura Meehan.
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Millie Helper.
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Well, I got to go. - What are you talking about?
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You just got here. - Yeah, I know.
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I got to go.
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I just came over to borrow some cream.
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Oh.
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Oh, Millie, I just used it.
101
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Oh, I guess I just used the last of it in my coffee.
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Well, that's OK.
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I'll see you.
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MARY JANE: Bye, Lily. - Millie.
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Millie. MARY JANE: I'm sorry.
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It's OK.
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See you, Mil.
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Bye.
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Lily Jacobs.
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Oh, yes.
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Laura, do you remember the pajama party?
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LAURA: And her brother came into the room.
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[interposing voices]
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[laughter]
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Oh, my.
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We're going to spend a month reminiscing.
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You know that.
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[banging]
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Millie, I asked you not to bother me.
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I have a patient.
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I know it I've got something to tell you.
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PATIENT: [mumbling]
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Right in the middle of Mr. Soberman's mouth?
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It's important.
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Millie, I have to save that man's molar.
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I'm your wife.
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PATIENT: [mumbling]
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It's all right, Mr. Soberman.
129
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It's all right. Just sit there.
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Let the cement set.
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I'll be right with you.
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What is it, Millie?
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Well, if you really want to know, Laura
doesn't have any cream for your coffee.
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Well, don't you want to know why she
doesn't have any cream for your coffee?
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Because the new neighbor used it all.
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Laura gave her your cream.
137
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Millie, what are you jabbering about?
138
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Oh, you don't understand.
139
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Laura's neglecting me.
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Nobody's neglecting you.
141
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Oh, I knew you'd say that.
142
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Ever since that woman moved in,
she's been monopolizing Laura's time.
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She just moved in yesterday.
144
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Well, she was over there last night.
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I saw them through the window.
146
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Millie, you're not only childish.
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You're a peeping Tom.
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Well, all I know is Laura's my oldest friend.
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And that woman is breaking up our friendship.
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[grumbling] You want to know something?
151
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You are being ridiculous.
152
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You really are.
153
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Now, I'm trying-- I'm trying to save that man's tooth.
154
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He's got a cavity the size of a pothole.
155
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And you're talking about nothing.
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MR. SOBERMAN: I think I swallowed a piece of cotton.
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You see? You see?
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Even Mr. Soberman thinks you're
ridiculous, and he's loaded on Novocaine.
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Save some for me because I feel very hurt.
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Honey, I'm home.
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LAURA: I'm in the kitchen.
162
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I'm in the living room.
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I'm in the living room, too.
164
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Hey, guess what.
165
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- You don't want to kiss me. - No.
166
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Huh?
167
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I was just going to kiss you.
168
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Well, I certainly deserve it.
169
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Why?
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Look what Alan Brady gave me.
171
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Tickets?
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Four to the hottest musical front row center in this town.
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Oh, Rob, "The Solid White Zebra."
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Yep.
175
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We better call Millie and Jerry, huh?
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Oh, no, honey.
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They hate musicals.
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They love musicals.
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Well, they hate Thornton Alsbury.
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- Right. - Yeah.
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Remember when we took him to see "Love Me, Love Me"
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and Jerry sat there the whole thing going [inaudible]..
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I'll never forget it.
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I was never so embarrassed in my whole life.
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Yeah.
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But you ought to call them and ask them, anyway.
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I think we'd be doing them a favor if we don't, honey.
188
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I mean, think about the last time, just because
we invited them, and they felt obligated.
189
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Yeah, you're probably right.
190
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[doorbell ringing]
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I'll get it.
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Those are priceless as gold.
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- Yeah. - Hi.
194
00:05:57,063 --> 00:05:58,264
Hi, Rob.
195
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Mary Jane told me to return your
screwdriver, but I'm returning it anyway.
196
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How's that for a neighbor?
197
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- That is perfect. - I know it.
198
00:06:03,336 --> 00:06:04,537
- Hi, Fred. - Hi, Laura.
199
00:06:04,638 --> 00:06:05,672
How's the unpacking?
200
00:06:05,772 --> 00:06:06,373
Still packed.
201
00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:07,907
Ooh! - What?
202
00:06:08,008 --> 00:06:08,975
What?
203
00:06:09,075 --> 00:06:10,510
A couch.
204
00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:11,444
Yeah?
205
00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:12,946
Without a bunch of cartons on it.
206
00:06:13,046 --> 00:06:14,848
Can I sit on it?
207
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Please, do.
208
00:06:16,016 --> 00:06:17,317
Hey, did you get your stereo hooked up?
209
00:06:17,417 --> 00:06:18,818
Yeah, boy, am I stupid.
210
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:22,155
You know, I bet you I have 100 screwdrivers of
my own, and I can't find one darn screwdriver.
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00:06:22,255 --> 00:06:23,123
Would you believe it?
212
00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:24,257
Where's Mary Jane?
213
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She's in the tub soaking, saying,
have I got cartons to unpack.
214
00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:29,095
Well, moving is so depressing.
215
00:06:29,195 --> 00:06:32,799
You know, I have a mind to grab her out
of the bathtub and take her to a movie.
216
00:06:32,899 --> 00:06:34,334
You better wrap her up in a sheet first.
217
00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:35,535
Would you like a drink?
218
00:06:35,635 --> 00:06:37,203
- Yeah, is it in a glass? - Yeah.
219
00:06:37,303 --> 00:06:38,538
We haven't unpacked our glasses yet.
220
00:06:38,638 --> 00:06:41,374
I've been drinking out of a faucet like this
all the time, walking around like that.
221
00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:42,942
I'm not kidding. - Hey.
222
00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:44,144
What?
223
00:06:44,244 --> 00:06:45,278
Would you like to go to the theatre?
224
00:06:45,378 --> 00:06:47,247
I've got a couple of extra tickets
to "The Solid White Zebra."
225
00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:48,148
- Oh, boy. - All right.
226
00:06:48,248 --> 00:06:49,082
They're yours.
227
00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:50,016
Oh, boy.
228
00:06:50,116 --> 00:06:51,418
Wait a minute.
229
00:06:51,518 --> 00:06:52,886
Before I go, "oh, boy" again, how much are they?
230
00:06:52,986 --> 00:06:53,787
They're nothing.
231
00:06:53,887 --> 00:06:54,821
No, no nothing.
232
00:06:54,921 --> 00:06:55,622
No nothing.
233
00:06:55,722 --> 00:06:57,424
Those are expensive tickets.
234
00:06:57,524 --> 00:07:00,627
I can't expect you to go paying
expensive money for me, you know.
235
00:07:00,727 --> 00:07:02,996
I don't want to be known as a
sponger around the neighborhood.
236
00:07:03,096 --> 00:07:05,498
Oh, by the way, Mary Jane wants to borrow a sponge.
237
00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:09,202
The sponges are OK, but, uh, taking your
theatre tickets, I cannot permit it.
238
00:07:09,302 --> 00:07:10,103
I got these for free.
239
00:07:10,203 --> 00:07:11,438
Then I can permit it.
240
00:07:11,538 --> 00:07:12,772
What else do you have around here that's free?
241
00:07:12,872 --> 00:07:14,140
LAURA: Fred, would you like soda in your drink?
242
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,575
Is it free? LAURA: Yeah.
243
00:07:15,675 --> 00:07:16,743
Well, then put in some.
244
00:07:16,843 --> 00:07:18,011
Put in a lot of some. Is it free?
245
00:07:18,111 --> 00:07:19,045
I like-- I'll take anything.
246
00:07:19,145 --> 00:07:21,581
I don't even drink.
247
00:07:21,681 --> 00:07:22,916
Well, I've got to hand it to you, Millie.
248
00:07:23,016 --> 00:07:26,753
That was one of the rottenest
dinners you ever cooked in your life.
249
00:07:26,853 --> 00:07:28,154
Sure, be funny.
250
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:30,423
We're losing our best friends, and you're trying to be funny.
251
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:31,658
Millie, I'm not being funny.
252
00:07:31,758 --> 00:07:33,393
I'm really-- I'm nauseous.
253
00:07:33,493 --> 00:07:34,761
Why'd you put in that gravy?
254
00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:35,929
Oh, who cares?
255
00:07:36,029 --> 00:07:36,863
Well, I do.
256
00:07:36,963 --> 00:07:38,465
I may need an antidote.
257
00:07:38,565 --> 00:07:39,999
Oh, come on, Millie.
258
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,402
We're not losing anybody's friendship, especially Rob's.
259
00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:43,737
Well, you believe what you want.
260
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:47,540
All I know is that man is over
there right now, and you are not.
261
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,976
That's because they're trying to be neighborly,
and that's what we should be doing.
262
00:07:50,076 --> 00:07:51,644
Oh, I'd die first.
263
00:07:51,745 --> 00:07:54,814
Millie, you are in deep emotional trouble.
264
00:07:54,914 --> 00:07:56,015
I know it.
265
00:07:56,116 --> 00:07:59,619
You can't possibly be worried
about Rob and Laura's friendship.
266
00:07:59,719 --> 00:08:01,755
I'm just reading the handwriting on the wall.
267
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,423
It's your own handwriting.
268
00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:04,891
Well, they're like twins.
269
00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:07,293
They just gossip about people I never even heard of.
270
00:08:07,394 --> 00:08:08,928
Millie, honey, they're old friends.
271
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,997
Yeah, and old friends are the best friends.
272
00:08:11,097 --> 00:08:12,298
They're excluding us.
273
00:08:12,398 --> 00:08:13,767
You're excluding us.
274
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:16,202
Well, I can't just invite us over there.
275
00:08:16,302 --> 00:08:17,637
We'll invite them here.
276
00:08:17,737 --> 00:08:18,705
Make a-- a gesture.
277
00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:19,906
Cook a dinner Friday night.
278
00:08:20,006 --> 00:08:20,740
Invite them all here.
279
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,342
We'll get to be good friends.
280
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:24,144
Hey, you know, maybe that's not a bad idea.
281
00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:25,678
It's a great idea.
282
00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:26,780
So why don't you get over there and invite them right now?
283
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:27,714
Just like that?
284
00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:29,315
What do you mean, just like that?
285
00:08:29,415 --> 00:08:31,184
Well, I can't go barging into people's houses just like that.
286
00:08:31,284 --> 00:08:33,987
Millie, you're one of the best bargers in the country.
287
00:08:34,087 --> 00:08:36,322
Well, I only barge where I'm welcome.
288
00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:40,960
Well, I feel welcome, so I'll barge in.
289
00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:42,962
[laughter]
290
00:08:43,062 --> 00:08:45,365
[doorbell ringing]
291
00:08:45,465 --> 00:08:47,333
Anybody home?
292
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:48,701
- Spaghetti. - I can't believe it.
293
00:08:48,802 --> 00:08:49,436
Hi.
294
00:08:49,536 --> 00:08:50,336
[interposing voices]
295
00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:51,738
Hey, Jerry.
296
00:08:51,838 --> 00:08:53,440
I didn't know I was that funny.
297
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:54,607
No, you're not. You're not.
298
00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:56,509
It's-- it's just-- [laughing]
299
00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:57,710
One of Fred's stories.
300
00:08:57,811 --> 00:08:58,912
- Oh. - A guy [inaudible].
301
00:08:59,012 --> 00:08:59,846
Yeah?
302
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:00,647
Yeah, go on.
303
00:09:00,747 --> 00:09:02,048
This guy has a [inaudible].
304
00:09:02,148 --> 00:09:03,683
Jerry, you had to be here.
305
00:09:03,783 --> 00:09:06,085
Well, I would have been here, but nobody called me.
306
00:09:06,186 --> 00:09:07,153
What's up, Jerry?
307
00:09:07,253 --> 00:09:08,421
Well, what do you mean?
308
00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:09,789
Well, I mean, what'd you come over for?
309
00:09:09,889 --> 00:09:10,857
Do I have to have a reason?
310
00:09:10,957 --> 00:09:13,626
Well, now, you look like you're going to
tell us something. - Oh, well, uh, yeah.
311
00:09:13,726 --> 00:09:14,828
I want to ask you something.
312
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:17,597
Well, if you want any of the tools,
you're going to have to go to Fred.
313
00:09:17,697 --> 00:09:18,631
He's got all them, including your electric drill.
314
00:09:18,731 --> 00:09:19,732
Oh, is that yours? Listen.
315
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,167
Thanks, you know. - Oh, that's OK.
316
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:22,368
You're welcome to it.
317
00:09:22,469 --> 00:09:24,671
No, what I wanted to ask you-- well,
Millie and I wanted to invite all of you
318
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:25,572
over for dinner Friday night.
319
00:09:25,672 --> 00:09:26,473
Oh, wonderful, Jerry.
320
00:09:26,573 --> 00:09:27,707
No, it's not wonderful.
321
00:09:27,807 --> 00:09:28,842
- What do you mean? - Did you forget?
322
00:09:28,942 --> 00:09:30,276
We're going to a show Friday night?
323
00:09:30,376 --> 00:09:31,177
Oh, what show?
324
00:09:31,277 --> 00:09:32,579
Oh, gosh, I forgot.
325
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:34,180
We got tickets to "Sold White Zebra" Friday night.
326
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,748
Oh.
327
00:09:35,849 --> 00:09:37,217
Well, I guess it'll have to be just and the missus, Fred.
328
00:09:37,317 --> 00:09:39,285
We'll have to have fun without old Rob and Laura here.
329
00:09:39,385 --> 00:09:41,287
Oh, well, we're going to the show, too.
330
00:09:41,387 --> 00:09:42,455
Oh, same show?
331
00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:44,290
Yeah, we're-- we're Rob's guests.
332
00:09:44,390 --> 00:09:45,859
Oh, that's-- that's terrific.
333
00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:46,793
It's free, too.
334
00:09:46,893 --> 00:09:47,527
It's free.
335
00:09:47,627 --> 00:09:48,428
That's nice.
336
00:09:48,528 --> 00:09:49,596
It's real neighborly.
337
00:09:49,696 --> 00:09:52,398
Listen, Fred, Jerry would have
had first crack at those tickets.
338
00:09:52,498 --> 00:09:53,900
The only thing, lucky for you, is he hates Thornton Alsbury.
339
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,201
Yeah, what else don't you like?
340
00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:56,636
I'll take anything [inaudible].
341
00:09:56,736 --> 00:10:00,974
Well, I guess, uh, Millie and I will just have
to have a intrafamily dinner party or something.
342
00:10:01,074 --> 00:10:02,242
Hey, Jerry.
343
00:10:02,342 --> 00:10:03,610
Maybe we could all stop by for coffee after the show.
344
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:04,944
No. No, no, it's all right, Laura.
345
00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:06,846
I think maybe we'll call the Steins or something.
346
00:10:06,946 --> 00:10:08,615
You know, and we'll go to a movie, somewhere.
347
00:10:08,715 --> 00:10:09,782
I'll see you later, right?
348
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:10,550
Yeah.
349
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:11,618
Oh, wait-- wait a minute.
350
00:10:11,718 --> 00:10:13,219
I've got to go.
351
00:10:13,319 --> 00:10:15,154
I've gotta-- Mary Jane can't get out of the bathtub without me.
352
00:10:15,255 --> 00:10:16,189
Why?
353
00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:17,156
I forgot to unpack the towels.
354
00:10:17,257 --> 00:10:18,091
Listen, I'll see you later.
355
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:18,992
OK.
356
00:10:19,092 --> 00:10:21,027
So long, Fred.
357
00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:22,061
Hey, Rob.
358
00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:23,663
Was Jerry mad at us?
359
00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:24,964
Now why should he be mad?
360
00:10:25,064 --> 00:10:28,935
He said himself you couldn't pay him
to go to a Thornton Alsbury play.
361
00:10:29,035 --> 00:10:32,071
Maybe we ought to have asked him, anyway.
362
00:10:32,171 --> 00:10:33,273
Yeah.
363
00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:34,240
You know something?
364
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:35,608
He's jealous.
365
00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:38,545
He just-- just so he could turn us
down, he would like for us to ask him.
366
00:10:38,645 --> 00:10:40,179
He's jealous of the new neighbors probably.
367
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,748
Oh, Rob, that's silly.
368
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:43,750
Well, it's Jerry.
369
00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,952
I can understand it in a way, though.
370
00:10:46,052 --> 00:10:47,687
Fred was here a long time tonight.
371
00:10:47,787 --> 00:10:48,788
He feels kind of left out.
372
00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:50,490
I helped Fred move last night.
373
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,058
I loaned him Jerry's electric drill.
374
00:10:52,158 --> 00:10:53,359
You know something?
375
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:55,528
Millie was acting awfully strange the other day, too.
376
00:10:55,628 --> 00:10:56,930
How can you tell?
377
00:10:57,030 --> 00:11:02,035
Well, I-- she just hardly said a word, you know?
378
00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:03,236
Yeah.
379
00:11:03,336 --> 00:11:04,637
Because I didn't let her.
380
00:11:04,737 --> 00:11:06,673
How can you stop Millie from talking?
381
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:08,274
By not listening.
382
00:11:08,374 --> 00:11:11,511
Mary Jane and I were so busy reminiscing, we-- you know.
383
00:11:11,611 --> 00:11:12,478
But of course.
384
00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:13,613
They ought to understand.
385
00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:17,016
I mean, for crying out loud,
it's awfully juvenile on their part.
386
00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:18,651
It's just such a silly situation, Rob.
387
00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:20,253
How'd we get ourselves in the middle of it?
388
00:11:20,353 --> 00:11:21,854
Oh, it's easy.
389
00:11:21,955 --> 00:11:24,657
Mary Jane lives on one side, and Millie lives on the other side.
390
00:11:24,757 --> 00:11:26,092
I've got an idea.
391
00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:28,594
Why don't we give our tickets to Millie
and Jerry and let the four of them go?
392
00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:29,495
No good.
393
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:31,064
For two reasons.
394
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:32,699
First of all, I'm not going to cater to their childishness.
395
00:11:32,799 --> 00:11:34,167
And secondly, I want to see the show.
396
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:34,968
OK.
397
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:37,070
Come up with a better idea.
398
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:39,505
Are you-- you willing to give up your trip to Italy?
399
00:11:39,605 --> 00:11:41,074
Why?
400
00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:42,575
Well, I'm going to try and get a couple of more tickets.
401
00:11:42,675 --> 00:11:44,677
That's just about what it's going to cost.
402
00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:46,245
Well, it would be worth it anyway.
403
00:11:46,346 --> 00:11:47,380
I don't know.
404
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,516
I bet the first day off the boat, I meet
four Italians I like better than Jerry.
405
00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:51,451
I'll do it.
406
00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:52,652
I'll try.
407
00:11:56,222 --> 00:11:57,323
Honey, I'm home.
408
00:11:57,423 --> 00:12:00,693
In the kitchen, dear.
409
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:03,363
Boy, you'll never guess-- whew!
410
00:12:03,463 --> 00:12:04,530
What are you doing?
411
00:12:04,630 --> 00:12:06,032
Pressing garlic for the Caesar salad.
412
00:12:06,132 --> 00:12:09,102
For the-- boy, no wonder they stabbed him.
413
00:12:09,202 --> 00:12:11,471
Whew!
414
00:12:11,571 --> 00:12:16,476
Honey, how much would you say
Millie's friendship is worth to you?
415
00:12:16,576 --> 00:12:17,510
Oh, come on, Rob.
416
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:18,711
You can't put a price on that.
417
00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:21,147
Try, uh, $42.50.
418
00:12:21,247 --> 00:12:22,115
$42.50?
419
00:12:22,215 --> 00:12:22,915
Yeah.
420
00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:25,084
You paid a scalper $42.50?
421
00:12:25,184 --> 00:12:29,055
He wanted $50, but I got him for $42.50
and two tickets to "The Alan Brady Show."
422
00:12:29,155 --> 00:12:30,657
Rob! $42.
423
00:12:30,757 --> 00:12:31,991
Honey, what's the difference?
424
00:12:32,091 --> 00:12:33,259
We saved the neighborhood from a civil war.
425
00:12:33,359 --> 00:12:34,494
Call Millie.
426
00:12:34,594 --> 00:12:35,728
I can't call Millie.
427
00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:37,196
She's in the shower. - How do you know?
428
00:12:37,296 --> 00:12:38,865
Because I've been calling her all day.
429
00:12:38,965 --> 00:12:41,234
And every time I do, Patty says that's where she is.
430
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:43,870
That's stupid to give the same excuse every time.
431
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:47,640
It's just Millie's subtle little
way of hinting that she's mad.
432
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:48,674
Have you seen Jerry today?
433
00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:49,809
Oh, yeah, I've seen Jerry.
434
00:12:49,909 --> 00:12:51,044
He hasn't seen me.
435
00:12:51,144 --> 00:12:53,046
He's been playing at fixing the fence.
436
00:12:53,146 --> 00:12:55,014
You know, those two are about half crazy.
437
00:12:57,583 --> 00:12:58,651
Jerry!
438
00:12:58,751 --> 00:12:59,719
Would you come over here a minute?
439
00:12:59,819 --> 00:13:01,254
JERRY: I'm fixing the fence!
440
00:13:01,354 --> 00:13:02,188
[banging]
441
00:13:02,288 --> 00:13:02,989
ROB: Fix it later.
442
00:13:03,089 --> 00:13:04,057
I've got a little surprise.
443
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,491
JERRY: OK.
444
00:13:05,591 --> 00:13:06,959
These will straighten him out.
445
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:11,397
Yeah, Rob, what's the big surprise?
446
00:13:11,497 --> 00:13:14,333
I was just wondering if you had made
your movie date with the Steins yet.
447
00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:15,868
No, why?
448
00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:18,604
Well, uh, would you like to go to the theatre with us?
449
00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:19,605
What's the matter?
450
00:13:19,705 --> 00:13:21,441
Did you and the
Staggs, uh-- No, no.
451
00:13:21,541 --> 00:13:22,442
The Staggs are all going.
452
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:23,910
We want you to go, too.
453
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:26,979
No, it just happens that another
couple of tickets fell into my lap.
454
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,481
Oh, gee, I don't know.
455
00:13:28,581 --> 00:13:30,049
You-- you don't know?
456
00:13:30,149 --> 00:13:33,486
Jerry, these things don't just fall in your lap.
457
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:34,687
Come on, Jerry.
458
00:13:34,787 --> 00:13:35,788
We really want you to go.
459
00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:36,956
Oh, thanks, Laura.
460
00:13:37,056 --> 00:13:38,491
And I really do appreciate it, Rob.
461
00:13:38,591 --> 00:13:41,160
It's just that-- well, I'd hate to think that
you're doing this because you feel guilty.
462
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:44,564
I don't feel-- well,
maybe I do feel guilty.
463
00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:47,366
And I think it's because we
accidentally hurt your feelings, did we?
464
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:48,601
Oh, come on, Rob.
465
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:51,804
You think we're so childish to
be hurt by anything so childish?
466
00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:54,240
Then how come Millie's been in the shower all day?
467
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:57,276
Well, you know how childish Millie is.
468
00:13:57,376 --> 00:13:58,177
Oh.
469
00:13:58,277 --> 00:13:59,645
Then you'll go?
470
00:13:59,745 --> 00:14:00,613
Well, I don't know.
471
00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:05,118
I mean, you see, I-- well, how do we know that
we're going to get along with your new friends?
472
00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:06,519
They're not our new friends.
473
00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:07,987
They're our new neighbors.
474
00:14:08,087 --> 00:14:10,223
Well, our new neighbors have only been to your house.
475
00:14:10,323 --> 00:14:11,424
[doorbell ringing]
476
00:14:11,524 --> 00:14:12,825
I'll get it.
477
00:14:12,925 --> 00:14:15,695
Jerry, if you'll just give the Staggs
a chance, they're great people.
478
00:14:15,795 --> 00:14:16,763
Well, I don't know.
479
00:14:16,863 --> 00:14:17,830
We'll see.
480
00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:18,764
LAURA: Rob!
481
00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:20,266
Look who's here.
482
00:14:20,366 --> 00:14:21,801
It's Fred Staggs, our new neighbor.
483
00:14:21,901 --> 00:14:23,369
Oh, you don't have to announce me so formally.
484
00:14:23,469 --> 00:14:25,538
Just say here, comes Fred Staggs again.
485
00:14:25,638 --> 00:14:26,806
Oh, I returned your, uh, drill.
486
00:14:26,906 --> 00:14:27,707
How's that for neighborly?
487
00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:28,908
That's my drill.
488
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:31,777
If you use these on your patients, I don't
think I'm going to ever come to see you.
489
00:14:31,878 --> 00:14:33,746
I'm just kidding.
490
00:14:33,846 --> 00:14:35,615
Hey, you know, I did the dumbest thing today.
491
00:14:35,715 --> 00:14:36,949
I hooked my speakers out of phase.
492
00:14:37,049 --> 00:14:38,417
Would you believe it?
493
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:39,352
Huh?
494
00:14:39,452 --> 00:14:40,453
- My stereos. - Oh.
495
00:14:40,553 --> 00:14:41,921
Hey, I was supposed to help you with that.
496
00:14:42,021 --> 00:14:43,122
How did you do it wrong without me?
497
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,624
[laughter] - I don't know.
498
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:46,225
Look.
499
00:14:46,325 --> 00:14:48,094
If you ever need any help with your tweeters
or your woofers, you call on old Jer.
500
00:14:48,194 --> 00:14:48,828
Oh, yeah?
501
00:14:48,928 --> 00:14:50,062
You're a hi-fi bug, huh?
502
00:14:50,163 --> 00:14:50,863
Oh, no.
503
00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:52,098
I just have some components.
504
00:14:52,198 --> 00:14:55,301
Some compon-- he's got more equipment
than Gemini control over there.
505
00:14:55,401 --> 00:14:56,235
No kidding.
506
00:14:56,335 --> 00:14:57,303
What do you have?
507
00:14:57,403 --> 00:15:01,874
Well, I've got a [inaudible] amplifier and a Rufus
turntable, and I've got the Palmer 3X speakers.
508
00:15:01,974 --> 00:15:03,943
You have the Palmer 3Xs?
509
00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:05,178
Those great big jobbers.
510
00:15:05,278 --> 00:15:05,912
Woo, woo.
511
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,413
Yeah, wow.
512
00:15:07,513 --> 00:15:10,750
I've just got those little [inaudible] But a Palmer 3X?
513
00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:11,684
Wow.
514
00:15:11,784 --> 00:15:13,019
I'd love to hear them.
515
00:15:13,119 --> 00:15:15,421
Hey, Jerry, why don't you bring him over
there and give him listen. Would you?
516
00:15:15,521 --> 00:15:17,023
Well, if you want, I could fire them up.
517
00:15:17,123 --> 00:15:18,357
If you like. - Oh, I'd love it.
518
00:15:18,457 --> 00:15:19,325
Are you kidding? - OK.
519
00:15:19,425 --> 00:15:20,393
Listen.
520
00:15:20,493 --> 00:15:22,895
Hey, I got this one recording, you
know, the train Albuquerque Express.
521
00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:25,131
You can hear the fireman snoring,
it's so-- Oh, I-- oh, wait a minute.
522
00:15:25,231 --> 00:15:27,466
I've got to call my wife, tell her I'm
going over to your house, OK? - No.
523
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:28,668
Go ahead, Fred.
524
00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:29,936
I'll call her for you. - Oh, thanks.
525
00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:32,004
Hey, do you know-- have you heard
that one where the boat explodes?
526
00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:36,008
JERRY: Yeah, and the people
fall-- [interposing voices]
527
00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:38,144
Rob, are you ever a smart man?
528
00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:40,213
Yeah, you noticed then, huh?
529
00:15:40,313 --> 00:15:41,480
Gee, I'm sorry I spent the money now.
530
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:44,450
I could have got those two guys
together with a cheap record album.
531
00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:45,851
Hey, Mary Jane? Listen.
532
00:15:45,952 --> 00:15:49,722
Fred just asked me to call you and tell you he's
going next door to the Helpers to talk sound.
533
00:15:49,822 --> 00:15:50,823
Yeah.
534
00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:51,891
Hmm?
535
00:15:51,991 --> 00:15:53,226
Well, I don't know.
536
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:55,861
There are a lot of good fabric places in town.
537
00:15:55,962 --> 00:15:57,163
Hey, you know what?
538
00:15:57,263 --> 00:16:01,601
You know who knows more about fabrics and
all that kind of thing than anyone else?
539
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:02,702
Millie.
540
00:16:02,802 --> 00:16:05,071
Millie Helper.
541
00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:06,472
Well, she's practically a decorator.
542
00:16:06,572 --> 00:16:07,506
Yeah.
543
00:16:07,607 --> 00:16:08,708
Why don't you give her a call?
544
00:16:08,808 --> 00:16:09,709
Hey, better yet.
545
00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:11,277
Why don't you go over there?
546
00:16:11,377 --> 00:16:12,111
No problem.
547
00:16:12,211 --> 00:16:13,713
Rob will be glad to sit for you.
548
00:16:13,813 --> 00:16:14,981
Oh, I will?
549
00:16:15,081 --> 00:16:16,315
Don't be silly. Don't thank me.
550
00:16:16,415 --> 00:16:17,717
What are neighbors for? See you.
551
00:16:17,817 --> 00:16:18,851
For getting people into trouble.
552
00:16:18,951 --> 00:16:19,885
What did you volunteer me for?
553
00:16:19,986 --> 00:16:21,187
I wanted to read the paper.
554
00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:22,221
Well, you can read the paper over there.
555
00:16:22,321 --> 00:16:23,623
Not in my underwear, I can't.
556
00:16:23,723 --> 00:16:26,092
You don't read the paper in your underwear here.
557
00:16:26,192 --> 00:16:27,526
I could if I wanted to.
558
00:16:27,627 --> 00:16:33,899
Rob, if a little thing like babysitting will get
those kids together, it's a small price to pay.
559
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,270
[horns]
560
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:38,004
What was that?
561
00:16:38,104 --> 00:16:39,572
That's stereo feedback.
562
00:16:39,672 --> 00:16:42,742
The mating call of two hi-fi bugs who just found each other.
563
00:16:42,842 --> 00:16:43,976
And you mated them.
564
00:16:46,579 --> 00:16:48,281
Honey, have we got any other playing cards?
565
00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:49,915
These are full of something blech.
566
00:16:50,016 --> 00:16:51,484
Oh, that's chocolate syrup.
567
00:16:51,584 --> 00:16:54,754
Gee, Ritchie was supposed to wash those
when he finished playing with them.
568
00:16:54,854 --> 00:16:57,423
Well, I'll do it.
569
00:16:57,523 --> 00:17:02,495
You know, dear, I feel kind of badly about
not inviting the Staggs over tonight.
570
00:17:02,595 --> 00:17:03,562
Well, honey, listen.
571
00:17:03,663 --> 00:17:04,797
Things are going too good.
572
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:07,967
I think we ought to antagonize Millie and Jerry by
dragging the Staggs in here on our regular bridge
573
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:08,968
night. - Yeah, you're right.
574
00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:10,469
Things are going well.
575
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:13,172
You know, Mary Jane told me that they're
going to let, uh, Jerry do their teeth.
576
00:17:13,272 --> 00:17:14,707
Oh, boy, that's wonderful.
577
00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:16,709
Nothing makes Jerry happier than a new mouth to fill up.
578
00:17:16,809 --> 00:17:17,877
[laughter]
579
00:17:17,977 --> 00:17:19,378
Hey, I don't understand something.
580
00:17:19,478 --> 00:17:22,782
We can afford two cars and two
bathrooms and only one deck of cards.
581
00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:24,116
Well, darling, that's the whole idea of plastic ones.
582
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:25,084
You only need one deck.
583
00:17:25,184 --> 00:17:26,252
[doorbell ringing]
584
00:17:26,352 --> 00:17:26,986
Come in.
585
00:17:27,086 --> 00:17:28,587
It's open.
586
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:29,689
ROB: Hi.
587
00:17:29,789 --> 00:17:30,990
Hi.
588
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,191
ROB: Just in time to help me dry the cards.
589
00:17:32,291 --> 00:17:34,226
And I made your favorite, guacamole dip.
590
00:17:34,327 --> 00:17:35,962
Hey, how come you two are so formal?
591
00:17:36,062 --> 00:17:37,430
Oh, I knew we should have called.
592
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:39,165
Well, who knew they'd be going to so much trouble?
593
00:17:39,265 --> 00:17:40,966
Making dip and washing cards.
594
00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:42,134
What's going on, you guys?
595
00:17:42,234 --> 00:17:45,171
Well, we wanted to know if you'd
go to the decorators show with us.
596
00:17:45,271 --> 00:17:46,372
Oh, no, not tonight.
597
00:17:46,472 --> 00:17:47,707
Let's go tomorrow night. - Yeah, come on.
598
00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:49,108
Grab a towel and help me dry.
599
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:53,012
Well, uh, when I said us, I didn't mean just us.
600
00:17:53,112 --> 00:17:56,082
Oh, the, uh, Staggs are part of us?
601
00:17:56,182 --> 00:17:58,484
Well, she just pleaded with me to come with her.
602
00:17:58,584 --> 00:18:02,121
Yeah, she called me this morning and
asked me to go, but I said no. - Come on.
603
00:18:02,221 --> 00:18:03,622
Why don't you guys go with us, huh?
604
00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:04,790
Well, no, Jer.
605
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:06,392
I really had my heart set on bridge.
606
00:18:06,492 --> 00:18:08,728
Well, listen, there'll be other nights.
607
00:18:08,828 --> 00:18:09,662
Uh, we really gotta run.
608
00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:10,896
Yeah.
609
00:18:10,997 --> 00:18:12,064
Tomorrow night's the big night, right?
610
00:18:12,164 --> 00:18:13,466
The show and dinner.
611
00:18:13,566 --> 00:18:14,633
Yeah, and I promise not to go [blowing raspberry]
612
00:18:14,734 --> 00:18:15,868
at the play. LAURA: OK.
613
00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:17,169
Come on. We'd better get going, huh?
614
00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:18,137
We don't want to keep the Staggs waiting.
615
00:18:18,237 --> 00:18:19,171
You know what they say.
616
00:18:19,271 --> 00:18:20,606
Never keep the Staggs at bay.
617
00:18:20,706 --> 00:18:21,907
LAURA: Oh.
618
00:18:22,008 --> 00:18:24,643
Come on.
619
00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,446
Oh, dear.
620
00:18:27,546 --> 00:18:28,514
[laughs]
621
00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:32,518
Well, it looks like the Helpers and
the Staggs are really hitting it off.
622
00:18:32,618 --> 00:18:33,853
Yeah.
623
00:18:33,953 --> 00:18:35,921
I'd-- I'd say that all that initial strangeness is past.
624
00:18:36,021 --> 00:18:37,156
Oh, yeah.
625
00:18:37,256 --> 00:18:40,526
I don't think we'll be troubled by any of the
pettiness that marked any of their earlier meetings.
626
00:18:40,626 --> 00:18:44,997
I think they're well on their way to a good solid friendship.
627
00:18:45,097 --> 00:18:46,432
Oh, yeah.
628
00:18:46,532 --> 00:18:49,402
I think, uh,
they're legitimately fond of each other.
629
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,637
And I think, uh, they're not doing it just to please us.
630
00:18:51,737 --> 00:18:52,838
No, no, no.
631
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:53,939
I think they genuinely like each other.
632
00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:55,074
Oh, yeah.
633
00:18:55,174 --> 00:18:57,343
I wouldn't be surprised if they
get to be very, very close.
634
00:18:57,443 --> 00:18:58,344
Oh.
635
00:18:58,444 --> 00:19:02,782
I wouldn't be surprised if they asked us to move
our house so they could put theirs together.
636
00:19:02,882 --> 00:19:06,452
Wouldn't surprise me.
637
00:19:06,552 --> 00:19:07,853
Hey, Rob?
638
00:19:07,953 --> 00:19:11,257
Hey, let's not get as childish as Millie and Jerry did, huh?
639
00:19:11,357 --> 00:19:14,260
I mean, we haven't lost anybody's friendship.
640
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,930
And even if we have, who needs them?
641
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,498
We still have each other. - Yeah.
642
00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:20,900
We don't have to play bridge, anyway.
643
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:21,834
We can play gin.
644
00:19:21,934 --> 00:19:23,102
Yeah.
645
00:19:23,202 --> 00:19:24,437
These cards aren't plastic.
646
00:19:30,342 --> 00:19:31,911
So there goes the whole evening, huh?
647
00:19:32,011 --> 00:19:32,845
No.
648
00:19:32,945 --> 00:19:34,413
No.
649
00:19:34,513 --> 00:19:36,282
We can still sit here and eat guacamole and play Go Fish.
650
00:19:38,918 --> 00:19:40,352
What time is it?
651
00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:42,888
11:43.
652
00:19:42,988 --> 00:19:45,057
Well, maybe we ought to just order and forget about them.
653
00:19:45,157 --> 00:19:46,959
Maybe we ought to just leave.
654
00:19:47,059 --> 00:19:47,960
I can't, Rob.
655
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:48,961
I'm starving.
656
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:50,463
I didn't eat all day.
657
00:19:50,563 --> 00:19:53,532
I wish we'd stopped and had a hot
dog or something before the show.
658
00:19:53,632 --> 00:19:56,702
We could have if Mary Jane and Millie had been on time.
659
00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:57,837
You know what burns me up?
660
00:19:57,937 --> 00:19:59,171
I'll tell you what burns me up.
661
00:19:59,271 --> 00:20:03,476
We had to sit way in the back in those $42 seats,
and you gave them the four together down front.
662
00:20:03,576 --> 00:20:04,176
Why?
663
00:20:04,276 --> 00:20:05,778
No, I didn't.
664
00:20:05,878 --> 00:20:07,313
You heard Jerry say he couldn't tape record from that far back.
665
00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:09,582
He said, my mini tapie won't pick up that far.
666
00:20:09,682 --> 00:20:12,751
Well, his mini tapie picked up more than my mini ears.
667
00:20:12,852 --> 00:20:14,487
I didn't hear one single song.
668
00:20:14,587 --> 00:20:15,955
I didn't even hear the orchestra.
669
00:20:16,055 --> 00:20:16,889
[sighing]
670
00:20:16,989 --> 00:20:18,491
Where could they be?
671
00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:22,962
Probably stopped on the way to record street sounds.
672
00:20:23,062 --> 00:20:23,929
There they are.
673
00:20:24,029 --> 00:20:24,930
Swell.
674
00:20:26,699 --> 00:20:27,733
- Hi. - Hi.
675
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:28,634
Hi.
676
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:30,903
You been waiting long?
677
00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:32,538
Well, the show got out at 11:10.
678
00:20:32,638 --> 00:20:34,373
The cab ride was five minutes.
679
00:20:34,473 --> 00:20:36,041
It's now almost 12.
680
00:20:36,142 --> 00:20:37,276
Oh, Laura, please.
681
00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:38,444
I'm in no mood for that tone of voice.
682
00:20:38,544 --> 00:20:39,512
You may as well get used to it.
683
00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:41,347
That's the tone for the evening.
684
00:20:41,447 --> 00:20:42,915
What are you so sore about?
685
00:20:43,015 --> 00:20:44,683
You're sitting in here, nice and cozy in a warm restaurant.
686
00:20:44,783 --> 00:20:46,519
We've been sitting out in a cold cab with the meter running,
687
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:49,522
waiting for a couple of drunks to come out of a bar.
688
00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:50,222
What drunks?
689
00:20:50,322 --> 00:20:52,258
Fred and Mary Jane.
690
00:20:52,358 --> 00:20:53,559
Mary Jane?
691
00:20:53,659 --> 00:20:55,961
I just can't believe that about Mary Jane.
692
00:20:56,061 --> 00:20:58,731
Well, they were drunk.
693
00:20:58,831 --> 00:20:59,665
Where are they?
694
00:20:59,765 --> 00:21:01,033
In a bar.
695
00:21:01,133 --> 00:21:02,801
Well, you mean they jumped out of the cab and ran in a bar?
696
00:21:02,902 --> 00:21:04,737
Practically. We were riding down 48th Street.
697
00:21:04,837 --> 00:21:08,307
And Fred yells out the window, Hey,
Philly Reese, and jumps out of the cab.
698
00:21:08,407 --> 00:21:09,575
Who's Philly Reese?
699
00:21:09,675 --> 00:21:11,310
Some dumb guy he played football with.
700
00:21:11,410 --> 00:21:14,179
He thought he saw him run into a
bar and so he ran in after him.
701
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,614
And then Mary Jane ran in after Fred.
702
00:21:15,714 --> 00:21:17,816
And we're sitting out in the car like two dummies.
703
00:21:17,917 --> 00:21:19,151
Hmm.
704
00:21:19,251 --> 00:21:20,452
Well, that just doesn't sound like Mary Jane.
705
00:21:20,553 --> 00:21:21,987
You mean, they never came out?
706
00:21:22,087 --> 00:21:24,190
Oh, they came out but just to tell us to go on our way.
707
00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:25,457
LAURA: You mean, just like that?
708
00:21:25,558 --> 00:21:26,525
Yeah, just like that.
709
00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:28,360
Well, it wasn't just like that.
710
00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:32,164
I mean, they came out and asked us if we
minded if they spent the evening with Phil.
711
00:21:32,264 --> 00:21:33,232
And we said no.
712
00:21:33,332 --> 00:21:34,500
I'm sure glad we did.
713
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,736
I'd much rather be with you two guys
than with those two drunks any day.
714
00:21:37,836 --> 00:21:38,771
They weren't drunks.
715
00:21:38,871 --> 00:21:39,705
They're drunks.
716
00:21:39,805 --> 00:21:41,440
They went into a bar, didn't they?
717
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:43,976
Well, Jerry, not everyone who goes into a bar is a drunk.
718
00:21:44,076 --> 00:21:48,013
I just hate a guy who's out with one couple and
switches to another couple in the middle of the street.
719
00:21:48,113 --> 00:21:49,582
In my book, that's not a real friend.
720
00:21:49,682 --> 00:21:51,016
Well, don't be too harsh on him, Jerry.
721
00:21:51,116 --> 00:21:53,852
After three days, nobody qualifies as a real friend.
722
00:21:53,953 --> 00:21:56,155
Yeah, well, that's one thing you wouldn't do with me, Rob.
723
00:21:56,255 --> 00:21:58,958
There are very few people like me.
724
00:21:59,058 --> 00:22:00,159
Or me.
725
00:22:00,259 --> 00:22:01,560
Boy, I'd never do a thing like that.
726
00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:03,295
Boy, was I right about them.
727
00:22:03,395 --> 00:22:06,265
You were also right when you said
old friends are the best friends.
728
00:22:06,365 --> 00:22:10,436
And I was right when
I-- When you what?
729
00:22:10,536 --> 00:22:13,138
When I put the snacks and the guacamole in the refrigerator.
730
00:22:13,239 --> 00:22:14,406
They're closing this place. Come on.
731
00:22:14,506 --> 00:22:16,008
Let's go back to our house and eat, huh?
732
00:22:16,108 --> 00:22:17,109
Well.
733
00:22:17,209 --> 00:22:18,844
How about those crumbs, huh?
734
00:22:18,944 --> 00:22:20,446
Well, come on, Jerry.
735
00:22:20,546 --> 00:22:22,081
They don't qualify for crumbs, either, after only three days.
736
00:22:22,181 --> 00:22:23,716
He's so quick to judge.
737
00:22:23,816 --> 00:22:25,718
Hey, your honor, here's a good question for you.
738
00:22:25,818 --> 00:22:30,422
How much do you tip a waiter for 10
bread sticks and two glasses of water?
739
00:22:30,522 --> 00:22:31,857
Do you, uh, come here often?
740
00:22:31,957 --> 00:22:32,758
Never.
741
00:22:32,858 --> 00:22:34,026
Then stiff 'em.
742
00:22:34,126 --> 00:22:35,461
That's why you're my best friend.
743
00:22:35,561 --> 00:22:37,062
Next to you, I got a lot of class.
744
00:22:37,162 --> 00:22:38,364
[laughing]
745
00:22:42,434 --> 00:22:43,302
[doorbell ringing]
746
00:22:43,402 --> 00:22:44,270
My gosh.
747
00:22:44,370 --> 00:22:45,437
It's 1:00.
748
00:22:45,537 --> 00:22:46,472
- It's probably the Staggs. - Yeah.
749
00:22:46,572 --> 00:22:47,973
They probably want to make up.
750
00:22:48,073 --> 00:22:50,142
There's nothing to make up for.
751
00:22:50,242 --> 00:22:51,110
Hi.
752
00:22:51,210 --> 00:22:52,478
Listen, we feel terrible.
753
00:22:52,578 --> 00:22:53,812
Gosh, we're really sorry about what happened.
754
00:22:53,912 --> 00:22:56,782
But, you know, Phil and Fred
haven't seen each other for years.
755
00:22:56,882 --> 00:22:59,852
I haven't seen this guy since we had a
huddle at the Orange Bowl seven years ago.
756
00:22:59,952 --> 00:23:00,953
We feel sick about it.
757
00:23:01,053 --> 00:23:02,288
- Oh, no. - We understand.
758
00:23:02,388 --> 00:23:03,822
- Hey, why don't you come in? - No, we can't.
759
00:23:03,922 --> 00:23:05,557
We've got a babysitter that charges triple after 12:00.
760
00:23:05,658 --> 00:23:06,892
Can you believe that? LAURA: Oh.
761
00:23:06,992 --> 00:23:09,595
But we'd like all of you to come to our
house for dinner next Thursday night.
762
00:23:09,695 --> 00:23:10,796
Phil Reese and his wife are coming over.
763
00:23:10,896 --> 00:23:12,197
Oh, well, that's our bridge night.
764
00:23:12,298 --> 00:23:13,432
We can't come. MARY JANE: Oh.
765
00:23:13,532 --> 00:23:14,933
He's a wholesale shirt manufacturer.
766
00:23:15,034 --> 00:23:16,068
We'll come.
767
00:23:16,168 --> 00:23:17,036
We'll play bridge on Friday night.
768
00:23:17,136 --> 00:23:17,970
Good.
769
00:23:18,070 --> 00:23:19,004
Listen.
770
00:23:19,104 --> 00:23:20,306
We'll expect you on Thursday.
771
00:23:20,406 --> 00:23:22,174
Yeah, I'll see you la-- oh, wait a minute.
772
00:23:22,274 --> 00:23:23,475
Jerry, your mini tapie.
773
00:23:23,575 --> 00:23:25,210
- Hey, it came out pretty clear. - Real nice.
774
00:23:25,310 --> 00:23:26,345
I'll see you later. - OK.
775
00:23:26,445 --> 00:23:27,613
- See you later. - I'm sorry.
776
00:23:27,713 --> 00:23:28,580
We're sick about it. - That's all right.
777
00:23:28,681 --> 00:23:29,314
- OK. - Goodnight.
778
00:23:29,415 --> 00:23:30,082
Goodnight.
779
00:23:30,182 --> 00:23:31,250
Hot dog.
780
00:23:31,350 --> 00:23:32,451
I missed this whole thing, Jerry.
781
00:23:32,551 --> 00:23:34,053
Will you play it for me?
782
00:23:34,153 --> 00:23:37,790
And you were the one who was making fun
of that little mini tapie all night long.
783
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:38,824
Making fun of this?
784
00:23:38,924 --> 00:23:40,159
Well, I'm going to show you something.
785
00:23:40,259 --> 00:23:41,327
You-- you just watch.
786
00:23:41,427 --> 00:23:42,594
I've got this whole show on tape.
787
00:23:42,695 --> 00:23:44,029
We'll start right from the beginning.
788
00:23:44,129 --> 00:23:44,830
Yeah. It's all set.
789
00:23:44,930 --> 00:23:47,733
Ready? And-- [music playing]
790
00:23:47,833 --> 00:23:49,201
MAN (ON TAPE): (SINGING) Mother, Mother, tell me true.
791
00:23:49,301 --> 00:23:51,303
Why do moo cows go moo-moo?
792
00:23:51,403 --> 00:23:52,371
And the horses go neigh-neigh?
793
00:23:52,471 --> 00:23:53,272
Hey, what's that?
794
00:23:53,372 --> 00:23:55,040
The heck, you say.
795
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:58,744
Father, Father, Mother lied when she said that you had died.
796
00:23:58,844 --> 00:24:00,713
But here you stand before my bed.
797
00:24:00,813 --> 00:24:06,585
You couldn't do that if you're dead.
798
00:24:06,685 --> 00:24:07,820
Is that in the show?
799
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:08,520
Sure.
800
00:24:08,620 --> 00:24:10,222
That's a hit song.
801
00:24:10,322 --> 00:24:12,658
Remember what he said about Thornton Alsbury's plays?
802
00:24:12,758 --> 00:24:15,561
You know, [blowing raspberry].
803
00:24:15,661 --> 00:24:18,430
[all blowing raspberries]
804
00:24:22,835 --> 00:24:28,607
[music playing]
57906
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