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1
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[theme music]
2
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
3
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
4
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Hey, Pickles.
5
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You ought to see the way they fixed up
this office for the Alan Brady documentary.
6
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Yeah.
7
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Looks classier than your sister's bathroom.
8
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No.
9
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Rob and Sally aren't here yet.
10
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Boy, I can't wait to see their expressions.
11
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Oh, here comes an expression.
12
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It's Rob.
13
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He looks like he thinks he's in the wrong room.
14
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I think I am in the wrong room.
15
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BUDDY: Hey, look, Pickles.
16
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I got to hang up.
17
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What?
18
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You're cooking dinner?
19
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Thanks for the warning.
20
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I'll grab a bite on the way home.
21
00:00:51,124 --> 00:00:52,158
Goodbye.
22
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Hey, they ought to do a documentary
on Alan Brady's life more often.
23
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We'd live better, you know it?
24
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Good morning.
25
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Hey, who stole the piano?
26
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The same people who decorated the office.
27
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You mean to say they're going to let us work here?
28
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- Yeah. - Wow.
29
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I better go cancel my breakfast order.
30
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I can't bring a bagel into a place like this.
31
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[chuckles]
32
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Even my prune danish looks shabby.
33
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What's behind here?
34
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I think it's our old office.
35
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Yep.
36
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Hey, what are we saving that junk for?
37
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Till tomorrow at 3 o'clock when
they reconvert us back into a slum.
38
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Blegh.
39
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Boy, Alan's really going all out for this film.
40
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Hey, wait till you see the way they
fixed up the Accounting Office.
41
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Looks like a place in Las Vegas.
42
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Alan even bought a new dress for Fat Irma.
43
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Listen.
44
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Isn't this film supposed to show
Alan-- what he's really like?
45
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Well, he's just like this office.
46
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He's a fake.
47
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Come on.
48
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Everybody wants to make a good impression.
49
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Look at you.
50
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You're wearing a new jacket.
51
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Well, you don't exactly look like
little Annie Rooney yourself, you know?
52
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Well, I always dress like a Russian princess
when I know I'm going to be on television.
53
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Buddy's the only one that didn't go overboard.
54
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Well, you know-- Hold it.
55
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Man overboard.
56
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He's wearing makeup.
57
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Are you wearing makeup?
58
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Well, just a touch so I'd look better.
59
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Well, you need more than a touch to make you look better.
60
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You need a wallop.
61
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Look, you guys.
62
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Before we go up to that meeting,
let's make a pact between the three of us.
63
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This film on Alan could be tasteless and very dishonest.
64
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Let's try to get out of it with at least a shred of dignity.
65
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Yeah.
66
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You're right.
67
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I'll start by wiping off the makeup.
68
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Good morning.
69
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What are you doing sitting on that?
70
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Up, up, up.
71
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It's rented.
72
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Mel, we were just on our way up to the meeting.
73
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Oh, well, the meeting's been canceled.
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Is he wearing makeup?
75
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I have a blemish.
76
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You are a blemish.
77
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Mel, what-- what happened to the meeting?
78
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Hey, Buddy, you gonna let him get away with that?
79
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When a man is wearing pancake and
lipstick, you can't be too pushy.
80
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Lipstick?
81
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Just a little bit to hide a cold sore.
82
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Mel, why did they cancel the meeting?
83
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Oh, they didn't cancel it.
84
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They just postpone it until tomorrow,
and we'll have it on Alan's yacht.
85
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BOTH: Alan's yacht?
86
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Where did Alan get a yacht?
87
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From the rent a yacht people.
88
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10 o'clock tomorrow morning, right?
89
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Anything else?
90
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Oh, yes.
91
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He wants to be photographed surrounded by all his friends.
92
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Oh, well, that should only take place in a phone booth.
93
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Look.
94
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For a man who wears
makeup-- I wiped it off.
95
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So watch it.
96
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Alan's asked the Friars Club to give
them a testimonial dinner on Saturday.
97
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Wait a minute.
98
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He asked them to honor him?
99
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Oh, well, he's going to pay for it.
100
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But now, he's got a better idea.
101
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He wants to be seen with the little people.
102
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So he's rented the enchanted forest.
103
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Yeah.
104
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Well, he's willing to cancel the banquet,
but he wanted to clear it through you.
105
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Why me?
106
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Well, he wanted to set up something at your house.
107
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My house?
108
00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:48,668
Yes, he wants to have you, and Laura,
and Alan all drinking coffee together.
109
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What do you say, Rob?
110
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Well, gee.
111
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I'm just kinda surprised that Alan picked me.
112
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Sure.
113
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He could have called the rent a friend people.
114
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Well, what do you say, Rob?
115
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He wants to know tonight,
because he has to shoot it on Friday.
116
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Well, it might be fun.
117
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You tell Alan to consider himself invited.
118
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He does, Rob.
119
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Oh, wait a minute.
120
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I'd like to thank you, Mel.
121
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For what?
122
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For leaving.
123
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Lipstick.
124
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Well, I guess I better call Laura.
125
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Yeah.
126
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She might have another documentary scheduled.
127
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Listen.
128
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How can you say yes without checking?
129
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I always do that.
130
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SALLY: And she doesn't mind?
131
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Oh, yeah.
132
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But it makes the marriage exciting and dangerous.
133
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Honey, hi.
134
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It's me.
135
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Hey, we're going to be on TV.
136
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You and me, and Ritchie, and the house.
137
00:04:36,048 --> 00:04:39,752
Well, they're doing a TV documentary on the
life of Alan Brady, and they're going to do
138
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a scene of him visiting us.
139
00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:44,290
It's Friday night.
140
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Friday night's what?
141
00:04:46,993 --> 00:04:49,629
Well, honey, why didn't you tell me?
142
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No, you didn't.
143
00:04:51,564 --> 00:04:53,566
No, you didn't.
144
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No-- boy, you did.
145
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Yeah.
146
00:04:58,070 --> 00:05:05,678
Well, I'll-- I'll-- I'll, uh-- I'll--
listen, just-- just, just hang up.
147
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Hang up.
148
00:05:06,712 --> 00:05:08,915
I got a problem now.
149
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Promised to take your wife out to dinner, huh?
150
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ROB: Worse.
151
00:05:11,984 --> 00:05:14,120
Promised to take my wife out to dinner?
152
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We're having an anniversary party
for Jerry and Millie on Friday night.
153
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Oh.
154
00:05:19,592 --> 00:05:20,426
Well, we invited them first.
155
00:05:20,526 --> 00:05:21,360
Alan's just out.
156
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That's all.
157
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How do you say something like that to Alan Brady?
158
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On your knees.
159
00:05:32,738 --> 00:05:34,207
[phone ringing]
160
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Hello.
161
00:05:35,508 --> 00:05:38,444
Mel, Mel, I've been trying to get you for hours.
162
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But we can't use my house.
163
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:42,448
Well, you'll just have to go back to the banquet thing.
164
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That's all.
165
00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:46,419
Well, can't you set it up again?
166
00:05:46,519 --> 00:05:51,991
Mel, look I am having an anniversary party for
Millie and Jerry at our house Friday night.
167
00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:54,660
No, I cannot postpone it.
168
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:55,895
I am sorry, Mel.
169
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That's too bad, but the waters do
not part at Alan Brady's command.
170
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Mel's hair did.
171
00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:02,869
Look.
172
00:06:02,969 --> 00:06:04,203
Mel, wait just a second.
173
00:06:04,303 --> 00:06:06,739
Nobody's that important, not even Alan Brady.
174
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:08,274
What are you breathing so heavily for?
175
00:06:08,374 --> 00:06:09,108
You're not.
176
00:06:09,208 --> 00:06:13,212
Well, who's on the extension?
177
00:06:13,312 --> 00:06:15,014
Alan?
178
00:06:15,114 --> 00:06:16,315
(NERVOUSLY) Nnnnn.
179
00:06:22,288 --> 00:06:23,689
[chuckles]
180
00:06:24,657 --> 00:06:26,993
Alan, hi.
181
00:06:27,093 --> 00:06:28,995
I, uh-- what thumping?
182
00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:31,397
Oh, they're fixing the street outside.
183
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That's all.
184
00:06:32,832 --> 00:06:33,900
Uh, Alan, look.
185
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,102
I just-- I knew it was you.
186
00:06:36,202 --> 00:06:39,338
Well, I know you're breathing-- yeah.
187
00:06:39,438 --> 00:06:40,706
Alan, look.
188
00:06:40,806 --> 00:06:42,475
I'm sorry that you canceled out the banquet thing, but I--
189
00:06:42,575 --> 00:06:46,412
I guess you heard what I said about the anniversary party.
190
00:06:46,512 --> 00:06:48,147
Go ahead with it?
191
00:06:48,247 --> 00:06:51,550
Well, Alan, you're a sport.
192
00:06:51,651 --> 00:06:53,819
You'll come.
193
00:06:53,919 --> 00:06:55,755
Well, listen.
194
00:06:55,855 --> 00:06:57,423
I-- it can be arranged.
195
00:06:57,523 --> 00:06:59,225
No, I-- I can probably work it out.
196
00:06:59,325 --> 00:07:00,426
Listen.
197
00:07:00,526 --> 00:07:03,396
Alan, anybody be crazy-- happy to have you around.
198
00:07:03,496 --> 00:07:04,330
Sure.
199
00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:05,331
You bet, Alan.
200
00:07:05,431 --> 00:07:06,265
We'll fix it.
201
00:07:06,365 --> 00:07:06,966
Yeah.
202
00:07:07,066 --> 00:07:11,270
It'll be a ball-- a cannonball.
203
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:14,106
You sure handled that beautifully, Rob.
204
00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:15,308
Well, what was I supposed to do?
205
00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:17,977
He thinks an anniversary party is great.
206
00:07:18,077 --> 00:07:19,412
Real human touch.
207
00:07:19,512 --> 00:07:21,981
Well, does Alan at least know Millie and Jerry?
208
00:07:22,081 --> 00:07:23,783
Well, he knows that he's met them.
209
00:07:23,883 --> 00:07:24,917
Yeah. - Yeah.
210
00:07:25,017 --> 00:07:26,218
Well, how well does he know them?
211
00:07:26,319 --> 00:07:29,422
Jerry makes him sick.
212
00:07:29,522 --> 00:07:32,325
GERARD (ON TV): My darling dearest, as much as I love you,
213
00:07:32,425 --> 00:07:37,730
I can never leave Edna, not now that she needs me.
214
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:38,831
Hi.
215
00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:42,468
Hi WOMAN (ON TV): But
Gerard, what of me?
216
00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:45,938
It's I who need you, and I'm your wife.
217
00:07:46,038 --> 00:07:47,273
What's all that?
218
00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:50,743
It's a new soap opera, "A Town Called Passion."
219
00:07:50,843 --> 00:07:51,677
Mm.
220
00:07:51,777 --> 00:07:52,812
Any good?
221
00:07:52,912 --> 00:07:55,748
Trash, pure unadulterated trash.
222
00:07:55,848 --> 00:07:59,752
Well, it's almost over, dear.
223
00:07:59,852 --> 00:08:01,687
GERARD (ON TV): I'll stay.
224
00:08:01,787 --> 00:08:02,655
WOMAN (ON TV): Too late.
225
00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:03,589
Hmph.
226
00:08:03,689 --> 00:08:04,757
Trash.
227
00:08:04,857 --> 00:08:06,459
Boy, Millie's going to come over.
228
00:08:06,559 --> 00:08:07,994
You want to have dinner now or wait?
229
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,362
No, I'll wait.
230
00:08:09,462 --> 00:08:10,996
Did you straighten everything out with Alan?
231
00:08:11,097 --> 00:08:11,897
Well, yeah.
232
00:08:11,997 --> 00:08:13,499
In a manner of speaking.
233
00:08:13,599 --> 00:08:16,102
Well, how did you straighten it out in a manner of speaking?
234
00:08:16,202 --> 00:08:17,570
Sort of rotten.
235
00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:18,471
You didn't tell him.
236
00:08:18,571 --> 00:08:19,772
No, I told him.
237
00:08:19,872 --> 00:08:21,073
Well?
238
00:08:21,173 --> 00:08:22,675
Well, I'm half afraid to tell you.
239
00:08:22,775 --> 00:08:23,976
OK.
240
00:08:24,076 --> 00:08:25,444
Tell me the half you're not afraid to tell.
241
00:08:25,544 --> 00:08:29,982
Well, I told Alan we weren't going to cancel
out the anniversary party on his account.
242
00:08:30,082 --> 00:08:31,584
Well, that-- that's fine, darling.
243
00:08:31,684 --> 00:08:34,553
Now, tell me the bad half.
244
00:08:34,653 --> 00:08:36,422
Alan's coming.
245
00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:37,423
He is?
246
00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:38,257
Yeah.
247
00:08:38,357 --> 00:08:39,258
With a film crew and everything.
248
00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:41,026
- Oh, come on. - Yeah.
249
00:08:41,127 --> 00:08:43,763
He thinks an anniversary party is
more human than even you and me.
250
00:08:43,863 --> 00:08:45,197
Rob, that's crazy.
251
00:08:45,297 --> 00:08:47,366
Millie and Jerry are--
They'll love it probably.
252
00:08:47,466 --> 00:08:48,934
They'll get a film record.
253
00:08:49,035 --> 00:08:50,469
LAURA: Of a disaster.
254
00:08:50,569 --> 00:08:53,039
That Alan Brady has all the nerve in the world.
255
00:08:53,139 --> 00:08:54,640
Rob, why don't you say no?
256
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:57,243
Because he's got all the nerve in the world, including mine.
257
00:08:59,812 --> 00:09:01,914
It's a little bizarre, but it may work out all right.
258
00:09:02,014 --> 00:09:03,883
You can't possibly believe that.
259
00:09:03,983 --> 00:09:06,685
Well, it's your duty to help me try.
260
00:09:06,786 --> 00:09:10,322
We'll be all right if we can just hold
Millie down to a small anniversary party.
261
00:09:10,423 --> 00:09:14,627
Rob, you tell Millie she has to have a
small party, you'll have to hold her down.
262
00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:15,327
She wants a big affair?
263
00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:17,496
She wants a coronation.
264
00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:18,497
She would.
265
00:09:18,597 --> 00:09:19,432
Hi.
266
00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:20,366
Hi.
267
00:09:20,466 --> 00:09:22,034
We were just talking about you.
268
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:24,470
Ooh, you said something good, I hope.
269
00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:25,204
Bad?
270
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:26,806
No, don't be silly.
271
00:09:26,906 --> 00:09:27,807
Of course, it was good.
272
00:09:27,907 --> 00:09:29,341
Listen, Laura.
273
00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:31,010
I've been thinking about how many couples I could invite.
274
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,645
And remember, you said no limit?
275
00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:33,779
Yeah.
276
00:09:33,879 --> 00:09:35,981
Well, I was thinking of inviting 15 couples.
277
00:09:36,081 --> 00:09:37,450
LAURA: 15 couples? - Yeah.
278
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:38,384
Or 20.
279
00:09:38,484 --> 00:09:39,518
20?
280
00:09:39,618 --> 00:09:43,823
Yeah, and then I started thinking it over, and I
thought, well, I'd really rather have a small affair,
281
00:09:43,923 --> 00:09:45,024
you know, just you and us.
282
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,092
BOTH: You would?
283
00:09:46,192 --> 00:09:47,460
What'd I say?
284
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,561
Well, nothing.
285
00:09:48,661 --> 00:09:50,229
We're just surprised you changed your mind.
286
00:09:50,329 --> 00:09:51,831
You wanted 20 couples?
287
00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:52,865
Oh, no, Mill.
288
00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:53,833
I mean, it's whatever you want.
289
00:09:53,933 --> 00:09:54,900
It's your party-- partly.
290
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,168
Well, you know how it is.
291
00:09:56,268 --> 00:10:00,206
I mean you start inviting so-and-so,
and then you got to invite so and so.
292
00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:02,741
Well, there's a lot of so-and-sos we don't want.
293
00:10:02,842 --> 00:10:03,976
Yeah.
294
00:10:04,076 --> 00:10:05,110
It's almost always that way, isn't it?
295
00:10:05,211 --> 00:10:06,579
Yeah.
296
00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:08,581
Like the Brodys, and the McFarlands, and Hi and Blanche.
297
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:09,815
Hi and Blanche?
298
00:10:09,915 --> 00:10:10,816
MILLIE: Yeah.
299
00:10:10,916 --> 00:10:11,884
She's a big flirt, you know?
300
00:10:11,984 --> 00:10:13,319
And he drinks.
301
00:10:13,419 --> 00:10:15,821
And they're always fighting, and every
other month they have a separation.
302
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:17,089
So who needs them? - Yeah.
303
00:10:17,189 --> 00:10:18,657
Well, I know exactly what you mean, Mill?
304
00:10:18,757 --> 00:10:20,860
Actually, we're just as happy you're having a small party.
305
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,629
[clears throat] I had a little mix up with Alan Brady today.
306
00:10:23,729 --> 00:10:26,465
Oh, don't tell me that rat wants you to work that night.
307
00:10:26,565 --> 00:10:27,199
Oh, no.
308
00:10:27,299 --> 00:10:29,635
Well, yeah, in a way.
309
00:10:29,735 --> 00:10:33,005
You see, he had us involved in
something the same night as your party.
310
00:10:33,105 --> 00:10:34,874
Oh, the rat.
311
00:10:34,974 --> 00:10:36,475
Why do you keep calling him a rat?
312
00:10:36,575 --> 00:10:39,512
Well, he was pretty nasty to Jerry that night he was here.
313
00:10:39,612 --> 00:10:40,246
LAURA: He was?
314
00:10:40,346 --> 00:10:41,514
I don't remember that.
315
00:10:41,614 --> 00:10:42,515
Well, sure.
316
00:10:42,615 --> 00:10:45,684
You know, he was telling that old
joke, and Jerry said the punch line.
317
00:10:45,784 --> 00:10:46,919
Oh, that.
318
00:10:47,019 --> 00:10:48,754
Well, I don't think Alan even remembers that, Millie.
319
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:50,156
Well, listen, I do.
320
00:10:50,256 --> 00:10:53,526
Nobody's got the right to call Jerry Dumbo but me.
321
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:56,695
You mean he really wants you to work on my anniversary?
322
00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:58,964
Well, it's not exactly working, Millie.
323
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:01,600
Well, Rob, don't tell me you're not going to be here?
324
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:02,301
Oh, no.
325
00:11:02,401 --> 00:11:03,903
It's not that.
326
00:11:04,003 --> 00:11:06,572
I'm trying to tell you Millie that Alan's going to be here.
327
00:11:06,672 --> 00:11:09,542
Alan Brady wants to come to my party?
328
00:11:09,642 --> 00:11:10,309
It's true.
329
00:11:10,409 --> 00:11:11,577
Well, that's crazy.
330
00:11:11,677 --> 00:11:12,945
Why?
331
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,914
He wants to shoot a scene from a TV documentary that night.
332
00:11:15,014 --> 00:11:17,683
Now, it's is to be tough to work it out, but I think I can.
333
00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:22,187
Alan Brady wants to put my anniversary party on TV?
334
00:11:22,288 --> 00:11:23,789
Well, it's not exactly your anniversary.
335
00:11:23,889 --> 00:11:25,958
Millie, it won't really be that bad.
336
00:11:26,058 --> 00:11:29,395
Now, I know that you don't want to have someone
you consider a rat at your anniversary.
337
00:11:29,495 --> 00:11:31,030
A famous rat, I do.
338
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:31,964
Listen.
339
00:11:32,064 --> 00:11:33,065
This is terrific.
340
00:11:33,165 --> 00:11:34,233
Ooh, lis-- do I get paid?
341
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:35,167
No, no, never mind.
342
00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:36,101
Who cares?
343
00:11:36,201 --> 00:11:37,102
I got to go tell Dumbo.
344
00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:38,137
Listen.
345
00:11:38,237 --> 00:11:39,071
There going to be 20 couples.
346
00:11:39,171 --> 00:11:40,139
Maybe more.
347
00:11:40,239 --> 00:11:42,474
Well, I thought you just decided
you wanted a small affair.
348
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:43,976
Not if it's going to be on television.
349
00:11:44,076 --> 00:11:47,213
You want America to think the Helpers are friendless?
350
00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:48,747
Let her go.
351
00:11:48,847 --> 00:11:49,715
Problem solved.
352
00:11:49,815 --> 00:11:50,449
She's happy.
353
00:11:50,549 --> 00:11:51,817
Yeah, but you're not.
354
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:53,018
I'm not?
355
00:11:53,118 --> 00:11:54,853
Honey, 20 couples and a camera crew?
356
00:11:54,954 --> 00:11:55,955
They'll wreck the house.
357
00:11:56,055 --> 00:11:56,889
You're right.
358
00:11:56,989 --> 00:11:58,023
I'm not happy.
359
00:11:58,123 --> 00:11:59,558
Yeah, well, Alan won't be either.
360
00:11:59,658 --> 00:12:02,595
He wanted a nice little informal party instead of a parade.
361
00:12:02,695 --> 00:12:05,798
Millie wants a lot of people here
because Alan's going to be here.
362
00:12:05,898 --> 00:12:08,567
When Alan finds out how many people
are going to be here, he won't be here.
363
00:12:08,667 --> 00:12:11,237
Well, then, we'll just have to tell Millie
she'll have to hold the guest list down. - Good.
364
00:12:11,337 --> 00:12:12,137
You do that.
365
00:12:12,238 --> 00:12:14,473
Oh, Rob, I can't.
366
00:12:14,573 --> 00:12:17,242
You just have to tell Alan to expect a crowd.
367
00:12:17,343 --> 00:12:18,777
I can't.
368
00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:20,646
Well, somebody's going to have to tell somebody something.
369
00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:24,249
I'll tell you something, Friday night, we're
going to see more destruction here than when
370
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,718
Godzilla ate up Tokyo.
371
00:12:32,091 --> 00:12:32,992
Uh, Mill, listen.
372
00:12:33,092 --> 00:12:33,926
I'll call you back.
373
00:12:34,026 --> 00:12:34,960
Rob just came in.
374
00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:36,195
Bye bye.
375
00:12:36,295 --> 00:12:37,463
Hi.
376
00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:38,397
What's the matter?
377
00:12:38,497 --> 00:12:39,865
You look terrible.
378
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:41,233
I am seasick.
379
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:42,668
How'd you get seasick?
380
00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:45,871
From having a staff meeting on a boat
in the middle of the Hudson River.
381
00:12:45,971 --> 00:12:48,007
Did you tell Alan about the 40 people?
382
00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:49,241
Oh yeah. I told him.
383
00:12:49,341 --> 00:12:50,175
All right.
384
00:12:50,276 --> 00:12:51,243
He blew his top.
385
00:12:51,343 --> 00:12:52,645
Sailor hat and all.
386
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:55,748
He said that if 40 people were
going to be here, he wasn't coming.
387
00:12:55,848 --> 00:12:58,017
Rob, if he's not coming, Millie will die.
388
00:12:58,117 --> 00:12:59,418
He is coming, and Millie will die.
389
00:12:59,518 --> 00:13:00,753
LAURA: What do you mean?
390
00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:03,322
He wants her to cancel out 28 people.
391
00:13:03,422 --> 00:13:05,090
Well, he has no right.
392
00:13:05,190 --> 00:13:07,292
With him might makes right.
393
00:13:07,393 --> 00:13:08,494
He might not even come.
394
00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:10,095
He might fire me.
395
00:13:10,195 --> 00:13:11,163
Oh, he wouldn't.
396
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:12,364
He might.
397
00:13:12,464 --> 00:13:14,133
Rob, what am I going to tell Millie?
398
00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:15,300
Say, hello, Millie.
399
00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:17,302
And then say how you like this dress.
400
00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:19,872
Will it show up good on TV?
401
00:13:19,972 --> 00:13:22,741
Millie, you're not going to wear that to the party?
402
00:13:22,841 --> 00:13:23,609
No, silly.
403
00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:27,813
My niece Cynthia is going to
wear it when she does her number.
404
00:13:27,913 --> 00:13:29,214
Her number?
405
00:13:29,314 --> 00:13:32,651
Yeah, she does a dance to the tune of "Some of These Days."
406
00:13:32,751 --> 00:13:33,552
She does?
407
00:13:33,652 --> 00:13:34,286
Yeah.
408
00:13:34,386 --> 00:13:36,121
At every family affair.
409
00:13:36,221 --> 00:13:37,289
What?
410
00:13:37,389 --> 00:13:39,191
Alan Brady won't like it, I suppose.
411
00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:40,859
I don't think so, Millie.
412
00:13:40,959 --> 00:13:43,862
See, Alan kind of likes to be the center of attention.
413
00:13:43,962 --> 00:13:44,897
Boy, what a guy.
414
00:13:44,997 --> 00:13:46,699
Horns in on my party, takes it over.
415
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:48,434
He won't let my niece do her number.
416
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:50,235
Whose party is this anyway?
417
00:13:50,335 --> 00:13:51,770
Now, what do you want to say?
418
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,105
What?
419
00:13:53,205 --> 00:13:54,673
Well, when I came in, Laura said what'll we tell Millie.
420
00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:56,008
Now, what are you going to tell me?
421
00:13:56,108 --> 00:13:57,609
Oh.
422
00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,878
[clears throat] Mill, you and Jerry have been friends of ours
423
00:13:59,978 --> 00:14:02,848
for too long for me to see you get pushed around.
424
00:14:02,948 --> 00:14:03,982
Who's pushing me?
425
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:06,618
Millie, Alan wants you to uninvite 28 people.
426
00:14:06,719 --> 00:14:07,820
What?
427
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,190
He only want you to have 12 people at your party.
428
00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:16,361
Well-- how come-- why-- he--
well, what did you say?
429
00:14:16,462 --> 00:14:19,498
Those exact words.
430
00:14:19,598 --> 00:14:21,834
Well, who does he think he is?
431
00:14:21,934 --> 00:14:23,902
You're absolutely right, Millie.
432
00:14:24,002 --> 00:14:25,137
Who needs him, Rob?
433
00:14:25,237 --> 00:14:28,006
Call him up and tell him he can
have his documentary somewhere else.
434
00:14:28,107 --> 00:14:29,408
Right.
435
00:14:29,508 --> 00:14:31,143
I'm going to call him up and tell him not to come.
436
00:14:31,243 --> 00:14:32,044
What?
437
00:14:32,144 --> 00:14:33,345
No Alan Brady!
438
00:14:33,445 --> 00:14:36,014
What kind of a cheesy party you giving us?
439
00:14:36,115 --> 00:14:38,050
Millie, Rob is just doing this for you.
440
00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:38,984
Yeah.
441
00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,919
Well, of course, he is.
442
00:14:41,019 --> 00:14:43,088
I'm not good enough to be on television.
443
00:14:43,188 --> 00:14:44,289
He's ashamed of his neighbors.
444
00:14:44,389 --> 00:14:45,524
That's what he is.
445
00:14:45,624 --> 00:14:49,094
The Helpers aren't good enough to
wipe the shoes of his big deal boss.
446
00:14:49,194 --> 00:14:50,496
Yes, you are too, Millie.
447
00:14:50,596 --> 00:14:52,464
I just want to see Alan Brady pushing you around.
448
00:14:52,564 --> 00:14:53,999
Let him push.
449
00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:58,370
Millie, that filming is going to
overshadow-- Let him overshadow.
450
00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:00,506
Let him push, overshadow, and kill.
451
00:15:00,606 --> 00:15:02,574
I want him.
452
00:15:02,674 --> 00:15:06,011
I promised all those people they're going
to be on television with Alan Brady.
453
00:15:06,111 --> 00:15:07,813
Now, what I'm going to tell all those people I invited?
454
00:15:07,913 --> 00:15:10,215
Well, you're going to have to tell most of them not to come.
455
00:15:10,315 --> 00:15:11,650
Well, we'll compromise.
456
00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:13,819
We'll chop off all of Jerry's cousins.
457
00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:18,090
I mean, except Hi and Blanche,
because they give good presents.
458
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:19,358
Who?
459
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:20,592
Hi and Blanche, the drunk and the flirt.
460
00:15:20,692 --> 00:15:23,395
You know, I mean, she's promised
not to flirt if he doesn't drink.
461
00:15:23,495 --> 00:15:24,797
That brings it down to 20.
462
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,031
He said 12.
463
00:15:26,131 --> 00:15:27,699
Well, we'll hide some in the kitchen.
464
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,368
You really want Alan at the party?
465
00:15:29,468 --> 00:15:30,269
Oh, boy. Listen.
466
00:15:30,369 --> 00:15:31,403
You bet.
467
00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:32,871
And the cameras and the whole bit.
468
00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:38,610
Rob Petrie, if Alan Brady doesn't come to
my party, I'll never speak to you again.
469
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:41,613
You realize, of course, this cannot work.
470
00:15:45,184 --> 00:15:47,886
Well, I-- it could work.
471
00:15:47,986 --> 00:15:49,421
You know, you know what this party needs?
472
00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:50,522
Canceling.
473
00:15:50,622 --> 00:15:51,657
Which we can't seem to do.
474
00:15:51,757 --> 00:15:53,859
It needs a director.
475
00:15:53,959 --> 00:15:57,996
Well, ready when you are, CB.
476
00:15:58,096 --> 00:16:01,133
Folks, folks, can I have your
attention up here just a second?
477
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:05,804
Now, I'm sure we've all been to our anniversary
parties before, but this one is a little bit unusual.
478
00:16:05,904 --> 00:16:07,773
Can you people in the kitchen hear me?
479
00:16:07,873 --> 00:16:08,674
JERRY: No!
480
00:16:08,774 --> 00:16:09,808
Jerry is that you?
481
00:16:09,908 --> 00:16:11,443
What are you doing in the kitchen?
482
00:16:11,543 --> 00:16:12,911
You put me here.
483
00:16:13,011 --> 00:16:14,813
I didn't put-- you're not one of the kitchen people.
484
00:16:14,913 --> 00:16:16,615
You said eight people in the kitchen.
485
00:16:16,715 --> 00:16:17,549
I didn't think I was.
486
00:16:17,649 --> 00:16:18,517
No, Jerry.
487
00:16:18,617 --> 00:16:19,518
I said Terry, your cousin.
488
00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:20,686
Get-- will you get out here?
489
00:16:20,786 --> 00:16:21,420
Oh.
490
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,354
Hey, Terry, you stay.
491
00:16:22,454 --> 00:16:23,689
I'm out. Thanks.
492
00:16:23,789 --> 00:16:25,090
OK.
493
00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:28,727
Now, I want everybody just to enjoy themselves and have fun.
494
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:33,432
Just forget that it's a documentary,
and the fact that this thing is on TV
495
00:16:33,532 --> 00:16:35,467
shouldn't change your behavior in any way.
496
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,569
This is Jerry and Millie's anniversary party.
497
00:16:37,669 --> 00:16:39,104
That's all.
498
00:16:39,204 --> 00:16:40,439
And you should act just the way you did at the last one.
499
00:16:40,539 --> 00:16:41,707
I wasn't invited to the last one.
500
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:43,008
What am I supposed to do?
501
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:46,578
Shut up, or they'll put you in the kitchen.
502
00:16:46,678 --> 00:16:48,180
All right.
503
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,683
Everybody start milling around now like it's a normal party.
504
00:16:51,783 --> 00:16:55,120
Just mill-- wait.
505
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,121
Hold it, folks.
506
00:16:56,221 --> 00:16:57,422
Stop the milling, will you?
507
00:16:57,522 --> 00:16:58,957
Just act plain.
508
00:16:59,057 --> 00:17:01,226
That was a very nice speech, but where is he?
509
00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:02,761
I bet he's not coming.
510
00:17:02,861 --> 00:17:04,263
You know those show business people are so undependable.
511
00:17:04,363 --> 00:17:05,564
Millie, calm down.
512
00:17:05,664 --> 00:17:06,732
Wait till he doesn't come, and then go crazy.
513
00:17:06,832 --> 00:17:08,133
Oh, he's not coming.
514
00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:09,701
I know he's not coming.
515
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,103
They don't even have the lights, or the cameras, or anything.
516
00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:12,938
Millie, all that stuff is with Alan.
517
00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:14,506
They've been filming all day, Mill.
518
00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:16,308
Oh, for your sake, I hope you're not lying.
519
00:17:16,408 --> 00:17:18,510
Millie, will you stop worrying and start mingling.
520
00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:19,311
Come on. - OK.
521
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,715
I know who you are.
522
00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:26,552
[giggles] You're Rob Petrie.
523
00:17:26,652 --> 00:17:30,122
We've been introduced before,
but I bet you can't remember who I am.
524
00:17:30,222 --> 00:17:31,390
I bet I can.
525
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:33,659
You're Blanche the fli--
you're Millie's cousin.
526
00:17:36,595 --> 00:17:37,996
How did you remember?
527
00:17:38,096 --> 00:17:41,466
I-- you just-- fit-- fit the description.
528
00:17:41,566 --> 00:17:42,568
Well, where's your husband?
529
00:17:42,668 --> 00:17:44,303
Where's the bar?
530
00:17:44,403 --> 00:17:45,604
Oh.
531
00:17:45,704 --> 00:17:47,039
Oh, is that your husband sitting over there?
532
00:17:47,139 --> 00:17:50,375
Oh, yes, that's him, the distiller's dream.
533
00:17:50,475 --> 00:17:51,343
OK, Blanche. I see you.
534
00:17:51,443 --> 00:17:52,344
I'm starting.
535
00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:59,051
You're a-- so you're a comedy writer, huh?
536
00:17:59,151 --> 00:18:01,553
Say, I'm just nuts about comedy writers.
537
00:18:01,653 --> 00:18:02,754
I mean, just nuts.
538
00:18:02,854 --> 00:18:04,156
I used to be engaged to one.
539
00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:05,057
Oh, is that right?
540
00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:05,857
Who's that?
541
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:06,858
Oh, Lou somebody or other.
542
00:18:06,959 --> 00:18:08,293
Hey, Rob. How's it going?
543
00:18:08,393 --> 00:18:09,261
Oh, Buddy. This is Blanche.
544
00:18:09,361 --> 00:18:10,162
Hello, Blanche.
545
00:18:10,262 --> 00:18:11,296
Blanche, this is Buddy.
546
00:18:11,396 --> 00:18:12,297
Hey, you're cute.
547
00:18:12,397 --> 00:18:14,666
Well, you have good taste.
548
00:18:14,766 --> 00:18:17,536
Buddy used to-- is a comedy writer,
too, on "The Alan Brady Show."
549
00:18:17,636 --> 00:18:18,570
Hey, tell me.
550
00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:20,539
What is Alan Brady really like?
551
00:18:20,639 --> 00:18:23,075
I don't think he really likes anything.
552
00:18:23,175 --> 00:18:23,909
You know something?
553
00:18:24,009 --> 00:18:25,577
Alan Brady just knocks me out.
554
00:18:25,677 --> 00:18:27,713
I mean, he just knocks me out.
555
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:29,915
Oh, does he ever play the trumpet?
556
00:18:30,015 --> 00:18:30,649
What?
557
00:18:30,749 --> 00:18:31,917
The trumpet.
558
00:18:32,017 --> 00:18:35,287
You know, he has those
wonderful-- mmm-- curly lips.
559
00:18:35,387 --> 00:18:36,521
Ooh. Ooh.
560
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:37,756
This is nice.
561
00:18:37,856 --> 00:18:39,224
Oh, it's luscious.
562
00:18:39,324 --> 00:18:40,225
What do you call it?
563
00:18:40,325 --> 00:18:41,226
Mine.
564
00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:48,467
Oh, she's cute.
565
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:51,336
Oh, this is awfully nice too.
566
00:18:51,436 --> 00:18:52,638
This is very luscious.
567
00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:55,173
I just love fabric.
568
00:18:55,273 --> 00:18:56,541
What do you call it?
569
00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:59,011
Yours.
570
00:18:59,111 --> 00:19:00,445
Hey, you want to feel my necktie?
571
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:01,613
- Oh, yes. - All right.
572
00:19:01,713 --> 00:19:02,748
Take your hands off my wife, Buddy.
573
00:19:02,848 --> 00:19:05,117
Faster than the speed of light.
574
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:06,051
Hello there.
575
00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:07,185
You must be Hi.
576
00:19:07,285 --> 00:19:08,887
I'm getting there.
577
00:19:08,987 --> 00:19:10,589
I'm Rob Petrie, Hi.
578
00:19:10,689 --> 00:19:12,090
I'll drink to that.
579
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:13,392
Rum pot.
580
00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:14,459
He's coming. He's coming.
581
00:19:14,559 --> 00:19:15,594
Oh.
582
00:19:15,694 --> 00:19:16,495
Should I be with Jerry or what?
583
00:19:16,595 --> 00:19:17,396
Just stay calm, Millie.
584
00:19:17,496 --> 00:19:18,296
All right, everybody.
585
00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:19,531
Now, Alan Brady is here.
586
00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:20,432
Oh.
587
00:19:20,532 --> 00:19:21,500
Come on.
588
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,401
Let's go wait at the door.
589
00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:23,402
Wait, wait.
590
00:19:23,502 --> 00:19:24,569
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
591
00:19:24,669 --> 00:19:25,871
Wait a minute.
592
00:19:25,971 --> 00:19:27,072
Everybody, get back to your original spots.
593
00:19:27,172 --> 00:19:27,773
Please.
594
00:19:27,873 --> 00:19:29,174
OK, right.
595
00:19:29,274 --> 00:19:30,742
Obviously, I made that whole speech for nothing.
596
00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:33,211
Do you call that acting natural?
597
00:19:33,311 --> 00:19:35,981
Well, there's nothing more
natural than answering a doorbell.
598
00:19:36,081 --> 00:19:37,549
It didn't ring yet, Millie.
599
00:19:37,649 --> 00:19:41,053
And when it does, we don't need 50 people to answer it.
600
00:19:41,153 --> 00:19:44,189
Now, Millie and-- no, Laura, you answer the door.
601
00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:45,724
- I'll be right here with her. - All right.
602
00:19:45,824 --> 00:19:47,125
All right. You answer with her.
603
00:19:47,225 --> 00:19:52,798
Now, the rest of you, I want you all to stay
in your original positions please and act--
604
00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:58,136
and I repeat, act as if Alan Brady
is just another one of the relatives.
605
00:19:58,236 --> 00:20:02,074
If there's any recurrence of what happened
before here, you're going to be plenty sorry.
606
00:20:02,174 --> 00:20:02,808
I'm not kidding.
607
00:20:02,908 --> 00:20:04,476
I'll drink to that.
608
00:20:04,576 --> 00:20:05,677
Lush.
609
00:20:05,777 --> 00:20:06,578
[doorbell rings]
610
00:20:06,678 --> 00:20:07,713
OK, now.
611
00:20:07,813 --> 00:20:08,947
Everybody maintain your positions.
612
00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:11,683
Open the door, Laura.
613
00:20:11,783 --> 00:20:12,651
Rolling.
614
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:13,718
Oh, here we go, Mr. Brady.
615
00:20:13,819 --> 00:20:15,220
We're rolling.
616
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,088
Hello, Alan.
617
00:20:16,188 --> 00:20:17,222
- Laura, how are you? - Fine.
618
00:20:17,322 --> 00:20:18,156
Thank you.
619
00:20:18,256 --> 00:20:19,157
How are you?
620
00:20:19,257 --> 00:20:20,425
Wonderful.
621
00:20:20,525 --> 00:20:22,227
Hey, the place looks wonderful.
622
00:20:22,327 --> 00:20:24,696
Well, we try.
623
00:20:24,796 --> 00:20:26,031
Here's uh-- - Millie!
624
00:20:26,131 --> 00:20:26,798
Yes.
625
00:20:26,898 --> 00:20:28,967
Congratulations, Millie!
626
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,235
Thanks.
627
00:20:30,335 --> 00:20:31,203
Hey, everybody.
628
00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:33,638
Here's my old friend, Alan Brady.
629
00:20:33,738 --> 00:20:35,640
Hi, gang.
630
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:39,578
It's the Alan Brady, my old friend the television star.
631
00:20:39,678 --> 00:20:40,745
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
632
00:20:40,846 --> 00:20:41,813
Hold it. Cut.
633
00:20:41,913 --> 00:20:42,747
What are we playing here?
634
00:20:42,848 --> 00:20:44,449
Living statues?
635
00:20:44,549 --> 00:20:45,684
And I said cut. I said cut.
636
00:20:45,784 --> 00:20:46,618
Cut!
637
00:20:46,718 --> 00:20:47,919
Cut!
638
00:20:48,019 --> 00:20:50,655
Rob, don't these people own television sets?
639
00:20:50,755 --> 00:20:52,090
Of course.
640
00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:54,626
Well, where's the adoration that usually
greets me when I run into a room?
641
00:20:54,726 --> 00:20:57,662
Well, Alan, we thought-- I felt-- These
people are supposed to be my friends,
642
00:20:57,763 --> 00:20:58,997
the little people who love me.
643
00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:00,966
Why don't you rush to the door and love me?
644
00:21:01,066 --> 00:21:02,400
Rob told us not to.
645
00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:05,070
That a boy, Benedict.
646
00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:06,938
You told them all to ignore me?
647
00:21:07,038 --> 00:21:09,674
You told them to turn their back when
I give them my famous "Hi, gang"?
648
00:21:09,774 --> 00:21:10,842
- Hi. - Yeah, see.
649
00:21:10,942 --> 00:21:12,444
That's the idea. That's what I mean.
650
00:21:12,544 --> 00:21:13,612
Hi.
651
00:21:13,712 --> 00:21:15,013
Alan, I wanted it to look natural.
652
00:21:15,113 --> 00:21:18,617
You think it's natural for a roomful of
Americans to turn their back on a beloved star?
653
00:21:18,717 --> 00:21:20,919
Now, let's take it again with a little excitement this time.
654
00:21:21,019 --> 00:21:22,854
And all the love you got, just throw it at me.
655
00:21:22,954 --> 00:21:24,055
Love me. Love me.
656
00:21:24,156 --> 00:21:25,223
Love me. - That don't me you, Blanche.
657
00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:26,725
It means everybody. Now, love it up.
658
00:21:26,825 --> 00:21:27,926
Let's take it from the doorbell.
659
00:21:28,026 --> 00:21:28,960
[interposing voices]
660
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:30,829
Is the lapel mic picking it up?
661
00:21:30,929 --> 00:21:31,863
What about the sound?
662
00:21:31,963 --> 00:21:33,632
Everyone be warm and charming.
663
00:21:33,732 --> 00:21:35,467
Rob, this is so embarrassing.
664
00:21:35,567 --> 00:21:36,535
It needn't be.
665
00:21:36,635 --> 00:21:37,702
I've got a great idea. - What?
666
00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:38,603
[doorbell rings]
667
00:21:38,703 --> 00:21:39,604
Don't answer the door.
668
00:21:39,704 --> 00:21:40,572
- Oh. - Rolling.
669
00:21:40,672 --> 00:21:41,740
All right. Here we go.
670
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:42,874
Rolling the camera.
671
00:21:42,974 --> 00:21:43,875
Oh, put your hat on. ALAN: Oh.
672
00:21:43,975 --> 00:21:44,776
All right.
673
00:21:44,876 --> 00:21:46,211
Let's try it again.
674
00:21:46,311 --> 00:21:47,913
Oh, ding dong.
675
00:21:48,013 --> 00:21:48,847
Here we go.
676
00:21:48,947 --> 00:21:49,848
Come on, Mr. Alan.
677
00:21:49,948 --> 00:21:50,749
Oh, Laura.
678
00:21:50,849 --> 00:21:52,217
Hello, Alan.
679
00:21:52,317 --> 00:21:54,019
- It's good to see you. - How's your hat?
680
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,822
- Fine.
- I'll take your-- Thank you very much.
681
00:21:56,922 --> 00:21:59,457
Alan, you're so funny, just like on television.
682
00:21:59,558 --> 00:22:00,425
Yes.
683
00:22:00,525 --> 00:22:01,560
Congratulations, Millie.
684
00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:02,494
Hey, everybody.
685
00:22:02,594 --> 00:22:03,829
Look who's here.
686
00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:07,399
[clamoring]
687
00:22:08,366 --> 00:22:09,234
How are you?
688
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:10,635
Oh.
689
00:22:10,735 --> 00:22:13,205
Oh, it's good, good, good day to be back with my old friends.
690
00:22:13,305 --> 00:22:14,840
Hiya, baby. How you been?
691
00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:16,474
Oh, it's so wonderful of you to come, Mr. Brady.
692
00:22:16,575 --> 00:22:18,643
Well, I wouldn't miss Millie and Gary's anniversary.
693
00:22:18,743 --> 00:22:19,578
Jerry's.
694
00:22:19,678 --> 00:22:20,478
It's Jerry.
695
00:22:20,579 --> 00:22:21,546
Hi, Gary, how are you?
696
00:22:21,646 --> 00:22:22,581
Oh, tell me, Alan.
697
00:22:22,681 --> 00:22:23,882
Did you ever play the trumpet?
698
00:22:23,982 --> 00:22:24,816
Well, yeah, a little.
699
00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:25,750
Oh, I knew it.
700
00:22:25,851 --> 00:22:27,018
I knew it.
701
00:22:27,118 --> 00:22:29,454
[laughs] Oh, this is where I want to be.
702
00:22:29,554 --> 00:22:30,422
This is where I belong.
703
00:22:30,522 --> 00:22:31,756
Oh, yes.
704
00:22:31,856 --> 00:22:33,258
I always feel such warmth here, and friendship, and love.
705
00:22:33,358 --> 00:22:34,459
Oh, indeed. Yes, and love.
706
00:22:34,559 --> 00:22:35,393
Love.
707
00:22:35,493 --> 00:22:36,328
Hi.
708
00:22:36,428 --> 00:22:37,596
Hi there.
709
00:22:37,696 --> 00:22:38,797
Take your hands off my wife.
710
00:22:38,897 --> 00:22:40,632
I'll hit you in the gut.
711
00:22:40,732 --> 00:22:42,868
[laughs] He's kidding, isn't he?
712
00:22:42,968 --> 00:22:44,169
Oh yeah?
713
00:22:44,269 --> 00:22:44,903
Ah!
714
00:22:45,003 --> 00:22:47,172
[shouting]
715
00:22:47,272 --> 00:22:47,973
Cut!
716
00:22:48,073 --> 00:22:50,542
I didn't do anything.
717
00:22:50,642 --> 00:22:54,613
[singing]
718
00:22:55,380 --> 00:22:56,214
Wait a minute.
719
00:23:00,986 --> 00:23:02,220
Well, folks.
720
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:07,125
That's been my day from the early morning run in
the park, the visit with mom, relaxing on my boat
721
00:23:07,225 --> 00:23:11,696
with my trusted friends, and best of all, a little
informal entertainment we staged for you here.
722
00:23:11,796 --> 00:23:15,500
Rob, you did a great job of that little impromptu
scene you did here with Hi and Blanche.
723
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,036
[chuckles] I'd like you to meet Hi and Blanche.
724
00:23:18,136 --> 00:23:19,804
This is Blanche, and she's not really a flirt.
725
00:23:19,904 --> 00:23:20,872
[chuckles]
726
00:23:20,972 --> 00:23:22,707
And-- and that's her husband, Hi.
727
00:23:22,807 --> 00:23:24,542
And he's not really a drunk.
728
00:23:24,643 --> 00:23:25,610
I'll drink to that.
729
00:23:25,710 --> 00:23:27,012
[laughs]
730
00:23:27,112 --> 00:23:28,947
Well, Rob, it's really, really been a pleasure.
731
00:23:29,047 --> 00:23:30,315
I'm so glad you invited me.
732
00:23:30,415 --> 00:23:31,383
Thanks a lot.
733
00:23:31,483 --> 00:23:33,051
Anything you'd like to say before I go?
734
00:23:33,151 --> 00:23:36,588
Well, nothing, Alan, except that whenever
you come to our house, we can always expect
735
00:23:36,688 --> 00:23:37,956
something exciting and unusual.
736
00:23:38,056 --> 00:23:39,491
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
737
00:23:39,591 --> 00:23:40,525
Good night, Lana.
738
00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:41,426
See ya.
739
00:23:41,526 --> 00:23:42,260
Good night, everybody.
740
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,497
Mike, Fred, Jerry, Laura, Jim.
741
00:23:45,597 --> 00:23:46,965
- Good night. - Fred.
742
00:23:47,065 --> 00:23:47,899
Goodbye.
743
00:23:47,999 --> 00:23:48,833
Goodbye.
744
00:23:48,933 --> 00:23:50,602
And cut!
745
00:23:50,702 --> 00:23:51,536
Wait a minute.
746
00:23:51,636 --> 00:23:52,270
What cut?
747
00:23:52,370 --> 00:23:53,705
I'm not out the door yet.
748
00:23:53,805 --> 00:23:55,206
I want a dramatic exit.
749
00:23:55,307 --> 00:23:58,109
I want a warm delightful, friendly, ending, you dummy.
750
00:23:58,209 --> 00:23:59,010
Get that drunk up.
751
00:23:59,110 --> 00:24:01,980
We'll take it again.
752
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:03,415
We did it five times already, Alan.
753
00:24:03,515 --> 00:24:07,185
We did it five times, and we'll do it
500 times till we get it right, Rob.
754
00:24:07,285 --> 00:24:08,253
We'll be here for the next anniversary.
755
00:24:08,353 --> 00:24:09,321
Well, that's up to you, Rob.
756
00:24:09,421 --> 00:24:11,222
I want a warm, friendly ending.
757
00:24:11,323 --> 00:24:12,991
She's the only one who knows how to do it.
758
00:24:13,091 --> 00:24:14,192
All right now.
759
00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:15,527
Warm and friendly, everybody please.
760
00:24:15,627 --> 00:24:17,362
And you people in the kitchen keep it down.
761
00:24:17,462 --> 00:24:18,797
Is the lapel mic picking up out there?
762
00:24:18,897 --> 00:24:19,798
OK.
763
00:24:19,898 --> 00:24:20,699
Let's go, warm and friendly.
764
00:24:20,799 --> 00:24:21,900
Here's the hat.
765
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,134
Warm and friendly this time please.
766
00:24:23,234 --> 00:24:24,769
All right. Roll it.
767
00:24:24,869 --> 00:24:25,837
MAN: Rolling.
768
00:24:25,937 --> 00:24:27,405
Well, folks.
769
00:24:27,505 --> 00:24:33,745
That's been my day from the early morning trot in
the park, to the little breakfast with my wife--
770
00:24:36,715 --> 00:24:42,087
[theme music]
53321
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