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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[whistling]
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[humming]
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Good evening.
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Friend of the groom, right this way.
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Friend of the bride, right here.
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I'm a friend of the usher.
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Would you do me up, please?
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Oh, OK.
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Gee, Rob, I hate going to the wedding all alone.
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I feel so silly.
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I told you I'll be there right after I watch the show.
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Yeah, but Edabeth wants everything to go just right.
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It already did.
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She got a guy, didn't she?
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All right, Rob.
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I know you're not too fond of cousin Edabeth,
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but she liked us enough to make me matron of honor
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and you an usher.
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[phone ringing]
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Hello?
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Yeah, operator, Rob Petrie.
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Oh, hi, Alan.
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Yeah.
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Alan, don't worry.
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I'll watch it.
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There's no use threatening me, Alan.
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Yeah, I know.
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Look, I'll-- if I don't think it's the right
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girl for the show, I'll call you and tell you.
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It doesn't make any difference if I watch
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it here in Albany or at home.
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It's the same show.
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Right.
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I'll call you as soon as it's over.
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Yeah, bye.
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How many times is he going to call you?
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Well, it's important.
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This might be the right girl to be Alan's partner.
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Oh.
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Rob, are you sure you know how to find St. Bartholomew's?
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You might get lost.
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You might not even get there at all.
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Honey, the show will be over at 8:30.
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I'll be there by 9:00.
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OK.
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What am I going to tell Edabeth, anyway?
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Tell her the truth.
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Well, it just sounds so silly.
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Rob will be a little late.
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He had to stay home and watch a fashion show on TV.
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It really doesn't sound important next to a wedding.
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You tell her that if I don't watch it, I'll lose my job.
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That sounds important next to anything.
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Hey, why wouldn't you come with me and watch
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the show at St. Bartholomew's?
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At a church?
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Oh, yeah, I guess they wouldn't have a television set
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there, would they?
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Boy, if they did, they'd get fantastic reception, though.
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I've got to get going.
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Like that?
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What's wrong?
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Well, honey, at a wedding, everybody's
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supposed to look at the bride. It isn't fair.
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They'll all be staring at you.
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Oh, you're just saying that to make up for not going with me.
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Uh-huh, uh-huh.
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Well, it worked.
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I've got to get going. It's almost seven.
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Yeah, the show's on in a half hour.
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I'd better warm up the set with the news.
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All right. Don't be late.
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Don't worry.
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I'll be there before the groom, if he shows up.
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Rob!
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I'm kidding.
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Laura, I'm kidding.
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[door closing]
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[coughing]
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[AIRPLANE RUMBLING ON TELEVISION]
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Oh, gosh.
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A little awkward, but I guess I'll get used to it.
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That's ridiculous.
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I can't go wrinkled over to Saint--
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Saint-- what's the name of the church?
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Saint-- oh, I just said it--
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Saint--
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[snapping]
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It's named after some famous kid actor.
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Oh, Saint, uh, Coogan--
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Saint Rudy-- oh, boy.
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Desk?
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Did a bridesmaid just go out the door?
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Well, I mean in a long dress.
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Well, it was, uh, peach--
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never mind.
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Look.
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Do you happen to know the name of a church in town here
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that is named after a famous kid actor?
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Forget it!
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Saint Withers.
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Saint, uh, [inaudible].
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Shirley Temple.
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They wouldn't name a church Temple.
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S-- oh!
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If I see it, I'll recognize it.
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Saints, Saints-- no, churches.
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[loud boom]
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Oh!
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I--
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[inaudible] fix the set.
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This show is really important to me.
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Oh, I can see that.
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You're wearing a tuxedo just to watch it.
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[inaudible].
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Class.
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Class, you got class. - No.
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You-- I'm going someplace later.
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That-- oh, that reminds me.
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What are you going to do now?
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I've got to look up a church.
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Oh, look, I know this set's in bad shape,
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but praying is not going to help it.
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No.
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I-- I wasn't--
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Say, I was only funning you.
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Around the hotel here, they call me Funny Forrest.
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Well, nice to know you, Forrest.
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Hi.
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Ah, here, churches.
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St. Andrews, St. Bartholomew--
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that's it!
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Freddie Bartholomew.
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Did they make him a saint?
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No, no.
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I-- you're funning me again, Forrest.
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Not that time.
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He made some wonderful pictures.
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Yeah, he did.
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All right.
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He was great.
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I hope you can fix that by 7:30.
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Yeah, I'll have it.
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I-- look, do you suppose there's any
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other TV set available?
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Maybe in another room or something.
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Oh, no, the hotel is all sold out.
152
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The Seals convention is here, you know.
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Seals?
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The joint's full of Seals.
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But I'll get this thing fixed for you,
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and I'll be back in a jiffy.
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Hey, where are you going?
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I'm going to get a sandwich.
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What?
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What--
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You see, I was only funning you again.
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Oh.
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I've got to go get one of these.
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See, this blew out.
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It's no good, see? - Yeah.
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So I got to go and get a new one.
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Because if I put this one back in there,
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and you turn the set on, you can watch it for hours.
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You wouldn't see anything. - I wouldn't.
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I'm going to get you a new one of these.
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This is no good. - Yeah.
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This is no good.
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Oh.
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Uh, desk?
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This is Mr. Petrie in room 110.
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Would it be possible to get another TV set?
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Well, no, the one in my room is broke--
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yeah, I'll hold on.
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Hello?
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This is 110.
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Look, my TV set's--
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Forrest?
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No, this is Mr. Petrie in 110, Forrest.
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No, I'm not, uh, checking on you.
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No, I just-- I wanted--
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I was checking to see if there's another TV set available.
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Good.
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I'm glad you buy that.
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Yeah.
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Rockets going into space.
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Men walking around in space.
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I can't even get a TV set to watch in my hotel room.
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Hi.
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They made me an honorary Seal.
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Big deal.
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If I don't wear this, they squirt seltzer on me.
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Look.
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00:06:47,246 --> 00:06:48,447
I'm having a little problem.
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The clerk said all the rooms are full, huh?
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They're full of Seals.
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This ain't a hotel anymore.
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It's a zoo.
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Look.
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I was wondering if maybe some of the Seals
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were out of their rooms right now.
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Why?
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Oh, I thought maybe I could go in there
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and watch their television set.
209
00:07:03,563 --> 00:07:04,597
Oh, yeah?
210
00:07:04,697 --> 00:07:05,965
No, I'm not a thief.
211
00:07:06,065 --> 00:07:07,533
Well, you can even watch me.
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00:07:07,633 --> 00:07:10,369
Look, mister, I've got to turn down 100 beds.
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00:07:10,469 --> 00:07:14,473
I got no time to watch no man watching TV.
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00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:15,808
Look.
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00:07:15,908 --> 00:07:16,976
Maybe do-- do the maids have a room or anything
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with a TV set in it?
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00:07:18,377 --> 00:07:19,245
TV?
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00:07:19,345 --> 00:07:23,282
We had to go on strike to get a sink.
219
00:07:23,382 --> 00:07:25,751
Why don't you go down to the bar, huh?
220
00:07:25,851 --> 00:07:26,853
Well, that's a good idea.
221
00:07:26,953 --> 00:07:28,454
Thanks. Listen.
222
00:07:28,554 --> 00:07:29,455
Don't worry about the hat.
223
00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:30,456
It looks cute.
224
00:07:30,556 --> 00:07:31,390
Oh.
225
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,458
Seals.
226
00:07:32,558 --> 00:07:33,593
Funny hats, they know.
227
00:07:33,693 --> 00:07:35,528
Tips, they never heard of.
228
00:07:39,865 --> 00:07:42,034
[laughter]
229
00:07:43,603 --> 00:07:44,670
Hi.
230
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What'll it be? - Well, I tell you.
231
00:07:46,239 --> 00:07:47,740
I was wondering if I could watch the television set.
232
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,308
Oh, sure. The fights are on now.
233
00:07:49,408 --> 00:07:50,476
[bell ringing]
234
00:07:50,576 --> 00:07:51,978
Oh, well, I didn't want to watch the fights.
235
00:07:52,078 --> 00:07:53,246
There's another show I'd kind of like to see.
236
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,280
Well, you'll have to ask those fellows.
237
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:56,115
In a bar, the majority rules.
238
00:07:56,215 --> 00:07:56,849
Oh.
239
00:07:56,949 --> 00:07:58,851
Well, thank you.
240
00:07:58,951 --> 00:07:59,785
Hi there.
241
00:07:59,885 --> 00:08:00,987
Hi.
242
00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:02,555
[imitating seals]
243
00:08:02,655 --> 00:08:03,889
[laughter]
244
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:05,558
- I'm Fred [inaudible]. - Yeah.
245
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:06,525
I'm Sam Thomas.
246
00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:07,627
How you been?
247
00:08:07,727 --> 00:08:08,661
[barking]
248
00:08:08,761 --> 00:08:10,196
Rob Petrie, glad to meet you.
249
00:08:10,296 --> 00:08:12,765
You didn't give us the old Seal sign.
250
00:08:12,865 --> 00:08:13,966
- Where's your hat? - Oh, I'm sorry.
251
00:08:14,066 --> 00:08:15,101
I'm not one of you.
252
00:08:15,201 --> 00:08:16,202
I'm just a guest at the hotel here.
253
00:08:16,302 --> 00:08:17,436
That's a cute greeting, though.
254
00:08:17,536 --> 00:08:18,437
[barking]
255
00:08:18,537 --> 00:08:21,841
Don't do that if you're not a seal.
256
00:08:21,941 --> 00:08:23,042
Oh, I'm sorry.
257
00:08:23,142 --> 00:08:24,243
I have a great respect for your group.
258
00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:25,611
Good. Well, sit down and have a drink.
259
00:08:25,711 --> 00:08:26,812
Well, I'll tell you.
260
00:08:26,912 --> 00:08:27,780
I was hoping to watch the television.
261
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:28,848
Oh, yeah? Good.
262
00:08:28,948 --> 00:08:30,182
You like fights? - Yeah, I do.
263
00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:31,884
But there's another show I'd kind of like to see.
264
00:08:31,984 --> 00:08:33,019
What show?
265
00:08:33,119 --> 00:08:36,088
Well, it's a, uh, fashion show.
266
00:08:36,188 --> 00:08:38,524
You want to watch a fashion show?
267
00:08:38,624 --> 00:08:40,059
He's no Seal, Fred.
268
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:41,694
I think he's an odd fellow.
269
00:08:44,597 --> 00:08:45,498
A fashion show?
270
00:08:45,598 --> 00:08:46,432
Well, yeah.
271
00:08:46,532 --> 00:08:47,800
You know, you guys weren't really
272
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:48,634
watching the fights, anyway. And--
273
00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:49,802
[bell ringing]
274
00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:50,836
It's kind of a manly fashion show.
275
00:08:50,936 --> 00:08:52,104
It's from Madison Square Garden.
276
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:53,339
Why don't you go to your room and watch
277
00:08:53,439 --> 00:08:54,707
your little old fashion show?
278
00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:55,941
Well, that's not it.
279
00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:57,610
You see, my TV set's broken in my room.
280
00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:59,145
Look.
281
00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:00,046
You guys were here first. Go ahead and watch the fights.
282
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:01,080
Now wait a minute, pal.
283
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:02,481
Don't go away mad.
284
00:09:02,581 --> 00:09:04,083
You'll give the Seals a bad name, say we wouldn't
285
00:09:04,183 --> 00:09:05,318
let you watch your show.
286
00:09:05,418 --> 00:09:07,320
We stand for democracy, you know.
287
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:08,054
Yeah, I know.
288
00:09:08,154 --> 00:09:09,021
Now, that's right.
289
00:09:09,121 --> 00:09:10,423
We'll have a vote.
290
00:09:10,523 --> 00:09:12,992
All those in favor of the fights, raise your hand.
291
00:09:13,092 --> 00:09:13,926
What do you vote?
292
00:09:14,026 --> 00:09:15,161
Oh, I don't vote.
293
00:09:15,261 --> 00:09:16,729
Uh, bartenders are neutral.
294
00:09:16,829 --> 00:09:17,663
All right.
295
00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:18,564
Two to one.
296
00:09:18,664 --> 00:09:19,899
Democracy always wins.
297
00:09:19,999 --> 00:09:21,200
Go find someplace else to watch it.
298
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:22,735
Well, look, if we're going to vote, let's
299
00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,270
count everybody in here, shall we?
300
00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:25,004
OK.
301
00:09:25,104 --> 00:09:26,405
Uh, excuse me, folks.
302
00:09:26,505 --> 00:09:28,607
We're having a little vote on what to watch on TV,
303
00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:30,009
the fights or the fashion show.
304
00:09:30,109 --> 00:09:32,044
Oh, well, anything's fine with us.
305
00:09:32,144 --> 00:09:33,813
I hate all that fighting.
306
00:09:33,913 --> 00:09:35,481
Whatever she says goes.
307
00:09:35,581 --> 00:09:36,916
We just got married.
308
00:09:37,016 --> 00:09:37,850
Turn on the fashion show.
309
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,251
Oh, thank you.
310
00:09:39,352 --> 00:09:41,053
I'm sure you're going to both be very, very happy.
311
00:09:41,153 --> 00:09:42,321
Well, I won.
312
00:09:42,421 --> 00:09:43,989
Three to two, uh, democratically, that is.
313
00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:47,026
Uh, just a minute.
314
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:47,960
Hey, Lou.
315
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:49,028
We're taking your vote.
316
00:09:49,128 --> 00:09:50,062
What do you want to see?
317
00:09:50,162 --> 00:09:52,131
The fights or the fashion show?
318
00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:57,203
How come you're open for business on election day?
319
00:09:57,303 --> 00:09:59,004
Look, the guy's too drunk to vote.
320
00:09:59,105 --> 00:10:00,005
Hey, hold it.
321
00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:00,940
Your two votes are leaving.
322
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:01,841
Well, hey, folks.
323
00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:02,975
Wait a minute.
324
00:10:03,075 --> 00:10:04,610
Uh, do you have to leave right now?
325
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:06,946
It's our honeymoon.
326
00:10:07,046 --> 00:10:09,582
Well, it's back two to one.
327
00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:10,549
You lose.
328
00:10:10,649 --> 00:10:11,384
Hey, you guys.
329
00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:12,651
The whoopee session is starting.
330
00:10:12,752 --> 00:10:13,586
Come on.
331
00:10:13,686 --> 00:10:14,653
Hey, Lou, come on.
332
00:10:14,754 --> 00:10:17,490
Let's go see the girl get into the cake.
333
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:18,591
[laughter]
334
00:10:18,691 --> 00:10:20,026
Well, I believe that makes it unanimous.
335
00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:21,894
Will you turn the set on, please?
336
00:10:21,994 --> 00:10:24,230
[music playing]
337
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:24,930
No.
338
00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:26,265
Sorry, pal.
339
00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:28,667
When the music starts, the TV has to go off.
340
00:10:28,768 --> 00:10:30,069
It's a union rule.
341
00:10:30,169 --> 00:10:32,438
Oh, nuts!
342
00:10:32,538 --> 00:10:33,906
What would you like to hear, mister?
343
00:10:34,006 --> 00:10:35,241
Who cares?
344
00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:38,277
(SINGING) Who cares [inaudible]..
345
00:10:41,747 --> 00:10:43,649
Wendell Henderson, if you leave now,
346
00:10:43,749 --> 00:10:45,584
you might just as well not come back.
347
00:10:45,684 --> 00:10:47,420
Sugar, the whoopee session is the most
348
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,121
fun of the whole darn convention,
349
00:10:49,221 --> 00:10:51,056
and wives just aren't allowed.
350
00:10:51,157 --> 00:10:52,992
You told me I was going to sing.
351
00:10:53,092 --> 00:10:54,460
Well, that was before we voted to have
352
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,396
a whoopee session instead of an entertainment show.
353
00:10:57,496 --> 00:11:00,199
I brought my music and my costume and everything.
354
00:11:00,299 --> 00:11:02,168
Oh, Sugar, you know I voted for the variety
355
00:11:02,268 --> 00:11:03,502
night just like you told me.
356
00:11:03,602 --> 00:11:07,440
But the Grand Bull Seals out-barked me.
357
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,743
Wendell, if I don't get to sing, the least you can do
358
00:11:10,843 --> 00:11:12,011
is stay here with me.
359
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:13,813
Oh, Sugar, I don't want to miss this.
360
00:11:13,913 --> 00:11:15,815
We're going to put frogs under the speaker's chair
361
00:11:15,915 --> 00:11:19,218
and drop water balloons out of the windows and everything.
362
00:11:19,318 --> 00:11:22,221
You know I'm in charge of the frogs.
363
00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:25,758
Wendell, do you like frogs better than me?
364
00:11:25,858 --> 00:11:26,692
Not better, honey.
365
00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:29,695
Different.
366
00:11:29,795 --> 00:11:32,731
All right, Wendell, go to your stupid old whoopee session.
367
00:11:32,832 --> 00:11:36,135
But just remember, there are plenty of men who would rather
368
00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:38,571
be with me than some old frog.
369
00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,639
Now, Sugar, I--
370
00:11:40,739 --> 00:11:42,208
[door slamming]
371
00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,110
Hi, brother.
372
00:11:45,211 --> 00:11:46,745
Better get into some old clothes for whoopee.
373
00:11:46,846 --> 00:11:47,813
[barking]
374
00:11:47,913 --> 00:11:48,814
Oh, I'm not a--
375
00:11:48,914 --> 00:11:50,783
I'm a-- I'm a writer.
376
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:58,190
He fixed it.
377
00:12:06,198 --> 00:12:08,133
He didn't fix it.
378
00:12:08,234 --> 00:12:10,336
Oh, dumb.
379
00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:11,570
Plug it in first.
380
00:12:18,177 --> 00:12:21,947
I told you, prayer won't help you.
381
00:12:22,047 --> 00:12:23,182
I thought you fixed it.
382
00:12:23,282 --> 00:12:24,483
No, not yet.
383
00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:26,752
But after I get this little dinghy in there,
384
00:12:26,852 --> 00:12:31,190
boy, you'll be able to see all the way to Miami.
385
00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:32,124
[buzzing]
386
00:12:32,224 --> 00:12:33,092
Oh!
387
00:12:33,192 --> 00:12:34,426
What happened?
388
00:12:34,527 --> 00:12:36,695
Some donkey plugged the set in.
389
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:44,537
You're a funny little devil, ain't you?
390
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,038
Are you going to help me up?
391
00:12:46,138 --> 00:12:47,206
Yeah.
392
00:12:47,306 --> 00:12:49,508
I fell all the way down, you know.
393
00:12:49,608 --> 00:12:50,843
[inaudible]
394
00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:52,144
I'm sorry, Forrest.
395
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:53,078
Oh, that's [inaudible].
396
00:12:53,178 --> 00:12:54,547
I didn't hurt my hand.
397
00:12:54,647 --> 00:12:55,814
Uh-oh.
398
00:12:55,915 --> 00:12:57,883
Now look what you did.
399
00:12:57,983 --> 00:12:59,818
You blew out two tubes.
400
00:12:59,919 --> 00:13:01,587
Oh, Forrest, I'm really sorry.
401
00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:02,755
I'll buy that.
402
00:13:02,855 --> 00:13:03,689
[phone ringing]
403
00:13:03,789 --> 00:13:05,090
I'll round up some stuff for you.
404
00:13:05,190 --> 00:13:06,425
All right.
405
00:13:06,525 --> 00:13:08,360
You see, if I put these two tubes in the set,
406
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:10,062
the set wouldn't-- you could sit there all day--
407
00:13:10,162 --> 00:13:11,063
It won't work. [phone ringing]
408
00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:12,264
And the set wouldn't work.
409
00:13:12,364 --> 00:13:13,132
I've got to get the [inaudible]. - OK.
410
00:13:13,232 --> 00:13:14,033
You get them.
411
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:15,634
I'll be right back.
412
00:13:15,734 --> 00:13:17,136
Hello?
413
00:13:17,236 --> 00:13:18,871
Yeah, Rob Petrie.
414
00:13:18,971 --> 00:13:19,939
Hi, Alan.
415
00:13:20,039 --> 00:13:21,206
Yeah.
416
00:13:21,307 --> 00:13:23,776
No, I'm right in front of the set, Alan.
417
00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:24,543
Yeah.
418
00:13:24,643 --> 00:13:26,078
Well, I know it's important.
419
00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:27,279
Who shut up?
420
00:13:27,379 --> 00:13:29,448
Oh, Mel's there, yeah.
421
00:13:29,548 --> 00:13:32,084
No, I haven't seen enough of her to judge yet, Alan.
422
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:33,652
She, uh, looks pretty good.
423
00:13:33,752 --> 00:13:36,889
I, uh-- look, why can't I call you back when I've seen her?
424
00:13:36,989 --> 00:13:40,025
When I-- when I have seen more of her, yeah.
425
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:40,993
OK.
426
00:13:41,093 --> 00:13:42,494
I'll call you as soon as--
427
00:13:42,595 --> 00:13:46,098
listen, say shut-- say goodbye-- hi to Mel, will you?
428
00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:47,232
OK.
429
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,167
I'll call you as soon as it's over.
430
00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:50,135
Bye.
431
00:13:50,235 --> 00:13:52,504
I've got to go somewhere and see that show.
432
00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:55,074
The next time I come to Albany to usher at a wedding,
433
00:13:55,174 --> 00:13:57,009
I'm bringing a TV set.
434
00:13:57,109 --> 00:14:00,613
The next time I come to Albany to usher at a wedding--
435
00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:02,047
WOMAN (ON TV): Our next selection
436
00:14:02,147 --> 00:14:05,317
from the [inaudible] collection in a silk and burlap
437
00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:07,553
gown called Town and Country.
438
00:14:07,653 --> 00:14:08,954
That's the fashion show.
439
00:14:09,054 --> 00:14:11,256
WOMAN (ON TV): And for that very special evening,
440
00:14:11,357 --> 00:14:12,191
this enchanted--
441
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,092
[knocking]
442
00:14:13,192 --> 00:14:14,393
SUGAR: Just a minute.
443
00:14:14,493 --> 00:14:15,761
WOMAN (ON TV): And for the beach,
444
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:17,730
simply remove the cape and-- - Yes?
445
00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:19,131
Uh, hi.
446
00:14:19,231 --> 00:14:22,901
Uh, I'm your next door neighbor, across the hall there in 110.
447
00:14:23,002 --> 00:14:24,436
I heard your TV set.
448
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:25,904
Oh, is it too loud?
449
00:14:26,005 --> 00:14:26,839
No.
450
00:14:26,939 --> 00:14:27,673
No, it's fine.
451
00:14:27,773 --> 00:14:29,108
Matter of fact, it sounds great.
452
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:30,442
Well, what did you want then?
453
00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:32,711
Well, you see, my, uh, television set broke.
454
00:14:32,811 --> 00:14:34,513
Well, there's a special television show I'm supposed
455
00:14:34,613 --> 00:14:35,481
to be watching right now.
456
00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:38,317
And you-- you have it on.
457
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,853
Well, you see, I'm a television writer.
458
00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:42,688
Oh, a television writer.
459
00:14:42,788 --> 00:14:45,090
Oh, well, you come right in and watch.
460
00:14:45,190 --> 00:14:46,291
Really?
461
00:14:46,392 --> 00:14:47,760
You sure would be a big help to me.
462
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:48,661
Oh, good.
463
00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,562
You may be a big help to me, too.
464
00:14:56,535 --> 00:14:58,837
Oh, darling, I'm so happy.
465
00:14:58,937 --> 00:14:59,772
Oh!
466
00:14:59,872 --> 00:15:00,706
Oh, thank you.
467
00:15:00,806 --> 00:15:01,707
Thank you.
468
00:15:01,807 --> 00:15:02,841
Thank you.
469
00:15:02,941 --> 00:15:03,909
Oh, Laura, thank you.
470
00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:05,911
Come on in to the reception.
471
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:07,746
[chatter]
472
00:15:21,727 --> 00:15:22,628
Honey.
473
00:15:22,728 --> 00:15:23,629
Go away.
474
00:15:26,065 --> 00:15:27,299
Will you just let me talk?
475
00:15:27,399 --> 00:15:30,002
There is nothing to talk about, Rob.
476
00:15:30,102 --> 00:15:33,472
I've never been so humiliated in my whole life.
477
00:15:33,572 --> 00:15:35,274
Coming late to the wedding wasn't bad enough.
478
00:15:35,374 --> 00:15:36,575
No, no.
479
00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:39,445
You had to walk down the aisle in that suit.
480
00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:40,946
Honey, my tux was ruined.
481
00:15:41,046 --> 00:15:41,847
I had to borrow one.
482
00:15:41,947 --> 00:15:43,549
From Bozo the clown?
483
00:15:43,649 --> 00:15:47,252
All those people laughing, Rob, I could have died.
484
00:15:47,352 --> 00:15:49,455
I didn't want laughs.
485
00:15:49,555 --> 00:15:51,857
Well, then why are you wearing a hairy tuxedo?
486
00:15:54,493 --> 00:15:56,195
I had to borrow it from Wendell.
487
00:15:56,295 --> 00:15:57,129
Who's Wendell?
488
00:15:57,229 --> 00:15:58,163
Well, in the next room.
489
00:15:58,263 --> 00:15:59,465
He's a Seal.
490
00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:02,401
There are seals in the room next to ours?
491
00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:04,136
Honey, I am trying to explain to you.
492
00:16:04,236 --> 00:16:05,738
Will you stop talking crazy?
493
00:16:05,838 --> 00:16:09,608
You borrow a tuxedo from a seal, but I'm talking crazy?
494
00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:11,110
All right. Go ahead.
495
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:12,411
Tell me what happened.
496
00:16:12,511 --> 00:16:14,580
Why don't you start with this advertisement?
497
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,249
Well, Wendell's a bull.
498
00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:18,283
I thought he was a seal.
499
00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:20,152
Well, he's a bull seal, honey.
500
00:16:20,252 --> 00:16:21,720
Our TV set was broke.
501
00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:23,522
I was like-- I couldn't get another--
502
00:16:23,622 --> 00:16:24,857
did you get my message?
503
00:16:24,957 --> 00:16:25,791
What message?
504
00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:26,625
I called here.
505
00:16:26,725 --> 00:16:27,726
I got-- I got some altar boy.
506
00:16:27,826 --> 00:16:30,295
No altar boy gave me any message.
507
00:16:30,395 --> 00:16:34,366
Gee, if you can't trust an altar boy, who can you trust?
508
00:16:34,466 --> 00:16:35,334
It doesn't matter.
509
00:16:35,434 --> 00:16:36,935
I'm dead anyway.
510
00:16:37,035 --> 00:16:40,506
My tombstone will read "Laura Petrie died of embarrassment."
511
00:16:40,606 --> 00:16:41,707
Honey, do you think I wanted to wear
512
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:43,175
this darn [inaudible] tux?
513
00:16:43,275 --> 00:16:45,611
Even Reverend Dorman is upset the way you behaved, Rob.
514
00:16:45,711 --> 00:16:47,746
No one will ever forgive you.
515
00:16:47,846 --> 00:16:51,483
Honey, Reverend Dorman has to forgive me.
516
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:53,919
Go ahead, keep right on clowning.
517
00:16:54,019 --> 00:16:55,187
I am not clowning.
518
00:16:55,287 --> 00:16:56,822
[screaming]
519
00:17:03,395 --> 00:17:05,030
I'm sorry.
520
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:08,534
Well, uh, dear, why don't we go into the reception?
521
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:10,969
That way you can throw the wedding cake in my face.
522
00:17:11,069 --> 00:17:12,337
Oh, for the--
523
00:17:12,437 --> 00:17:14,506
Wendell must have brought me this from the whoopee session.
524
00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:17,543
I will never forget this, Rob, as long as I live.
525
00:17:17,643 --> 00:17:19,578
Honey, I know you're upset.
526
00:17:19,678 --> 00:17:21,713
I never could fool you, could I?
527
00:17:26,251 --> 00:17:27,119
Sit down, will you?
528
00:17:27,219 --> 00:17:28,153
Why?
529
00:17:28,253 --> 00:17:29,955
Is the bench going to collapse?
530
00:17:30,055 --> 00:17:30,856
That's it, right?
531
00:17:30,956 --> 00:17:32,157
Fade out.
532
00:17:32,257 --> 00:17:35,727
Laura, I'm going to talk, and you are going to listen.
533
00:17:35,828 --> 00:17:37,563
Let me wipe the water off.
534
00:17:37,663 --> 00:17:38,497
It's not water.
535
00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:39,832
They're tears.
536
00:17:39,932 --> 00:17:42,701
Honey, I've just had a really unusual evening.
537
00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:44,970
Will you let me explain it to you?
538
00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:45,904
All right.
539
00:17:46,004 --> 00:17:46,805
Go ahead.
540
00:17:46,905 --> 00:17:48,373
OK.
541
00:17:48,473 --> 00:17:50,108
I don't know where to start.
542
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:53,879
Why don't you start with the hairy tuxedo?
543
00:17:53,979 --> 00:17:55,647
Honey, my TV set was broken.
544
00:17:55,747 --> 00:17:56,682
I couldn't find another one.
545
00:17:56,782 --> 00:17:58,717
If it hadn't been for Sugar--
546
00:17:58,817 --> 00:17:59,785
Sugar?
547
00:17:59,885 --> 00:18:02,354
Sugar Henderson, Wendell's wife.
548
00:18:02,454 --> 00:18:03,689
All right. OK.
549
00:18:03,789 --> 00:18:05,224
It sounds crazy, but here it is.
550
00:18:05,324 --> 00:18:07,192
The TV set in our room was broken.
551
00:18:07,292 --> 00:18:09,628
I couldn't watch the fashion show until I heard it
552
00:18:09,728 --> 00:18:11,096
coming from the room next door.
553
00:18:11,196 --> 00:18:12,598
I went over.
554
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:14,733
I knocked on the door, and the lady, Sugar, let me in.
555
00:18:18,503 --> 00:18:21,106
[music playing]
556
00:18:24,476 --> 00:18:25,744
Well, you can sit here.
557
00:18:25,844 --> 00:18:28,780
No, this is more comfortable.
558
00:18:28,881 --> 00:18:30,482
I've got a, uh-- a trick back.
559
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:31,416
Yeah.
560
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:32,651
It feels fine this way.
561
00:18:32,751 --> 00:18:34,086
You know, I've thought of trying
562
00:18:34,186 --> 00:18:35,554
to make it on television.
563
00:18:35,654 --> 00:18:38,357
But I hear it's pretty rough unless you know someone.
564
00:18:38,457 --> 00:18:39,725
Yeah, that's true.
565
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:42,594
And now I guess I know someone.
566
00:18:42,694 --> 00:18:43,896
Oh, you mean-- look, I don't have
567
00:18:43,996 --> 00:18:45,030
anything to do with hiring.
568
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:46,598
I'm a writer.
569
00:18:46,698 --> 00:18:48,834
I guess it's pretty hard to recommend somebody,
570
00:18:48,934 --> 00:18:50,702
though, unless you know their work.
571
00:18:50,802 --> 00:18:52,070
Yeah. Oh, here.
572
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,739
I think the sports clothes are on now.
573
00:18:53,839 --> 00:18:54,840
Oh.
574
00:18:54,940 --> 00:18:56,775
Well, um, you just stay as long as you want.
575
00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:59,111
I just want to take out my rollers.
576
00:18:59,211 --> 00:19:00,546
Make yourself comfortable.
577
00:19:00,646 --> 00:19:02,347
I'm-- I'm comfortable.
578
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:06,151
[groaning]
579
00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:18,363
Are you ready?
580
00:19:18,463 --> 00:19:19,965
No.
581
00:19:20,065 --> 00:19:20,832
Mrs. Henderson?
582
00:19:20,933 --> 00:19:24,002
Presenting Sugar Henderson.
583
00:19:24,102 --> 00:19:24,770
[humming]
584
00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:26,305
That's the brass.
585
00:19:26,405 --> 00:19:29,341
And her fabulous, Hanky Panky.
586
00:19:29,441 --> 00:19:30,576
Uh, hanky panky?
587
00:19:30,676 --> 00:19:32,411
Well, see, that's what I call my act,
588
00:19:32,511 --> 00:19:34,146
because I use this long hanky.
589
00:19:34,246 --> 00:19:36,348
When I sing, I panky it.
590
00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:37,816
Oh, let me show you just one number.
591
00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:38,517
Look.
592
00:19:38,617 --> 00:19:40,052
I have to watch.
593
00:19:40,152 --> 00:19:41,753
Oh, well, you can watch, but you don't have to listen.
594
00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:43,121
Look. I'm just a hire--
595
00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:44,122
I-- I'm not-- I'm--
596
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:45,924
I'm not-- I'm just a looker, honest.
597
00:19:46,024 --> 00:19:49,828
Oh, well, then look. (SINGING) Give me a little kiss, will ya?
598
00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:51,229
Huh?
599
00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:52,831
I think this is the part I'm supposed to look at right here.
600
00:19:52,931 --> 00:19:54,800
That's a shaving commercial.
601
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,134
Oh.
602
00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:58,303
I thought all that lather was [inaudible] or something.
603
00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:00,138
Mickey Mantle looks good, though, doesn't he?
604
00:20:00,238 --> 00:20:04,843
(SINGING) Give me a little squeeze, oh, will ya, huh?
605
00:20:04,943 --> 00:20:07,913
Boy, look at that guy shave.
606
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:09,247
What is the matter with me?
607
00:20:09,348 --> 00:20:10,482
Huh?
608
00:20:10,582 --> 00:20:12,150
Well, nobody pays any attention to me.
609
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,553
My husband goes up with them silly seals,
610
00:20:14,653 --> 00:20:17,422
and you want to watch Mickey Mantle shave.
611
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:19,925
I am a full grown woman, you know.
612
00:20:20,025 --> 00:20:22,194
And I'm a full grown married man.
613
00:20:22,294 --> 00:20:24,863
Hey, I don't care if you're Cary Grant.
614
00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:26,598
All I want to do is audition.
615
00:20:26,698 --> 00:20:27,933
Now let me sing.
616
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:28,800
Now, here.
617
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,602
This is the panky part.
618
00:20:30,702 --> 00:20:33,605
This is where I panky my hanky.
619
00:20:33,705 --> 00:20:34,840
Look.
620
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:36,274
Couldn't you show me some other part?
621
00:20:36,375 --> 00:20:40,445
(SINGING) Give me a little kiss, oh, will ya, huh?
622
00:20:40,545 --> 00:20:43,815
Give me a little squeeze, will ya, huh?
623
00:20:43,915 --> 00:20:46,451
See, this is where I wrap myself up with the customer.
624
00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:47,419
Yeah.
625
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:48,687
Got your-- whoops, sorry.
626
00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:49,621
Wait a minute.
627
00:20:49,721 --> 00:20:50,756
You don't under--
628
00:20:50,856 --> 00:20:52,724
Mister, I scrub floors, turn down
629
00:20:52,824 --> 00:20:54,860
beds, and keep my mouth shut.
630
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,263
You did pretty good in the bar, didn't ya, ace?
631
00:20:58,363 --> 00:21:00,599
Oh, don't pay any attention to her. (SINGING)
632
00:21:00,699 --> 00:21:04,169
Give me a little kiss, will ya, huh?
633
00:21:04,269 --> 00:21:06,505
I better get out of here before somebody else comes.
634
00:21:06,605 --> 00:21:07,506
Wendell.
635
00:21:07,606 --> 00:21:10,475
Your husband.
636
00:21:10,575 --> 00:21:11,743
What's this?
637
00:21:11,843 --> 00:21:13,145
I was just watching a little television.
638
00:21:13,245 --> 00:21:14,279
Television?
639
00:21:14,379 --> 00:21:15,914
With the set off?
640
00:21:16,014 --> 00:21:18,050
I came back early just to be with you.
641
00:21:18,150 --> 00:21:21,620
I even brought a leftover frog so we could have our own fun.
642
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,956
Oh, Wendell, you do care about me.
643
00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,491
I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone.
644
00:21:26,591 --> 00:21:27,559
Not-- just a minute.
645
00:21:27,659 --> 00:21:28,727
Not so fast.
646
00:21:28,827 --> 00:21:30,028
Look, I haven't got time to wait.
647
00:21:30,128 --> 00:21:32,864
I've got to get to a wedding in [inaudible]..
648
00:21:32,964 --> 00:21:35,367
Well, you-- look what you did to my tux.
649
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:36,435
Well, you deserved it.
650
00:21:36,535 --> 00:21:37,469
Wendell, you leave him alone.
651
00:21:37,569 --> 00:21:38,503
Shut up, Sugar!
652
00:21:38,603 --> 00:21:40,705
Wendell, don't get excited.
653
00:21:40,806 --> 00:21:42,074
Nothing happened in here.
654
00:21:42,174 --> 00:21:44,076
I was simply sitting here watching television.
655
00:21:44,176 --> 00:21:47,079
Wendell, what am I sitting on?
656
00:21:47,179 --> 00:21:48,213
My frog!
657
00:21:48,313 --> 00:21:51,516
You've killed my frog.
658
00:21:51,616 --> 00:21:52,717
It's still alive.
659
00:21:52,818 --> 00:21:53,685
Well, get it.
660
00:21:53,785 --> 00:21:55,721
Oh, pick it up.
661
00:21:55,821 --> 00:21:57,989
[inaudible].
662
00:21:58,090 --> 00:21:59,591
I can't live like this, Wendell.
663
00:21:59,691 --> 00:22:01,426
You just killed my frog again.
664
00:22:06,098 --> 00:22:08,533
And the frog was only wounded, but my tux was killed.
665
00:22:08,633 --> 00:22:11,203
Multiple rips and stains.
666
00:22:11,303 --> 00:22:12,504
You believe me?
667
00:22:12,604 --> 00:22:14,406
Of course, I believe you.
668
00:22:14,506 --> 00:22:15,507
Well, are you still mad at me?
669
00:22:15,607 --> 00:22:18,477
Of course, I'm still mad at you.
670
00:22:18,577 --> 00:22:22,347
But I just happen to love you more than I'm mad at you.
671
00:22:22,447 --> 00:22:25,584
Look, if Edabeth asks us what happened, let's make up a lie,
672
00:22:25,684 --> 00:22:26,785
huh?
673
00:22:26,885 --> 00:22:27,652
It's kind of unbelievable, isn't it?
674
00:22:27,752 --> 00:22:29,054
Yeah.
675
00:22:29,154 --> 00:22:30,522
You know, if this were on your side of the family,
676
00:22:30,622 --> 00:22:32,057
I could almost laugh.
677
00:22:32,157 --> 00:22:33,158
Yeah.
678
00:22:33,258 --> 00:22:34,659
Gee, honey, I'm glad you're not mad anymore.
679
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,927
I just figured a nutty looking husband
680
00:22:36,027 --> 00:22:37,195
was better than no husband.
681
00:22:37,295 --> 00:22:38,196
Yeah.
682
00:22:38,296 --> 00:22:39,798
Gee, you had to go through all that,
683
00:22:39,898 --> 00:22:41,133
and you didn't even get to see the girl on TV, huh?
684
00:22:41,233 --> 00:22:42,534
Oh, no, I saw her while I was changing my tux.
685
00:22:42,634 --> 00:22:43,702
Oh. Well, how was she?
686
00:22:43,802 --> 00:22:44,836
She was awful.
687
00:22:44,936 --> 00:22:45,837
I'd rather have Sugar on the show.
688
00:22:45,937 --> 00:22:47,305
I called Alan.
689
00:22:47,405 --> 00:22:48,507
[inaudible] thought she-- he hated her performance.
690
00:22:48,607 --> 00:22:49,774
Oh, that's a shame.
691
00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:50,709
Why a shame?
692
00:22:50,809 --> 00:22:51,977
She got the job.
693
00:22:52,077 --> 00:22:54,012
Well, you just said that Alan hated her.
694
00:22:54,112 --> 00:22:55,881
He hated her performance.
695
00:22:55,981 --> 00:22:58,083
I don't understand.
696
00:22:58,183 --> 00:23:00,785
Well, honey, I'd explain it to you, but we're in a church.
697
00:23:00,886 --> 00:23:03,421
Robbie, Laura, come on into the reception.
698
00:23:03,522 --> 00:23:04,823
Oh, Edabeth.
699
00:23:04,923 --> 00:23:07,092
Oh, Robbie, I don't care how people are dressed.
700
00:23:07,192 --> 00:23:09,094
The important thing is that you're here.
701
00:23:09,194 --> 00:23:12,664
All my family and friends gathered together for me.
702
00:23:12,764 --> 00:23:14,633
Oh, Robbie, I'm so happy.
703
00:23:14,733 --> 00:23:16,201
[sputtering]
704
00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:18,170
Oh, I'm sorry!
705
00:23:18,270 --> 00:23:19,237
Oh, Rob!
706
00:23:23,942 --> 00:23:26,344
[chatter]
707
00:23:26,444 --> 00:23:27,212
I'm not a Seal.
708
00:23:27,312 --> 00:23:29,447
I just look like one, that's all.
709
00:23:29,548 --> 00:23:31,750
[yelling]
710
00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:32,884
What a place!
711
00:23:32,984 --> 00:23:34,452
Hey, there's a note here for us.
712
00:23:34,553 --> 00:23:35,820
Yeah?
713
00:23:35,921 --> 00:23:37,155
"She's all fixed up.
714
00:23:37,255 --> 00:23:38,089
No funning.
715
00:23:38,190 --> 00:23:39,691
You can see all the way to Miami."
716
00:23:39,791 --> 00:23:40,659
Signed "Funny Forrest."
717
00:23:40,759 --> 00:23:41,626
Now he fixes it.
718
00:23:41,726 --> 00:23:42,661
Well, I'm glad.
719
00:23:42,761 --> 00:23:43,695
I'd like to watch a good movie.
720
00:23:43,795 --> 00:23:46,765
Turn it on, honey.
721
00:23:46,865 --> 00:23:47,732
[loud boom]
722
00:23:47,832 --> 00:23:49,301
[gasping] - Rob, look!
723
00:23:49,401 --> 00:23:50,468
Oh, no, a rerun.
724
00:23:50,569 --> 00:23:51,736
Well!
725
00:23:51,837 --> 00:23:52,704
Never mind honey.
726
00:23:52,804 --> 00:23:53,705
There's no water in there.
727
00:23:53,805 --> 00:23:54,906
I'll get it.
728
00:23:59,811 --> 00:24:03,515
[music playing]
48191
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