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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,108 --> 00:00:03,176 [theme music] 2 00:00:03,276 --> 00:00:06,580 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show," 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:18,758 starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 4 00:00:21,561 --> 00:00:23,029 Yeah, yeah. Well, OK. 5 00:00:23,129 --> 00:00:23,930 Yeah. 6 00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:25,265 Well, look. 7 00:00:25,365 --> 00:00:26,533 It depends on how late we have to work tonight. 8 00:00:26,633 --> 00:00:27,601 Yeah. Well, I'll try. 9 00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,202 Goodbye. - Hey, don't hang up. 10 00:00:29,302 --> 00:00:30,170 [snapping] 11 00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:31,037 It might have been for me. 12 00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:32,038 No, it wasn't. 13 00:00:32,138 --> 00:00:33,640 It, uh, was a wrong number. 14 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:34,941 Well, so what? 15 00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,477 You don't have to know a guy to ask him if he's single. 16 00:00:37,577 --> 00:00:39,245 Let's break open the lunch. I'm starving. 17 00:00:39,346 --> 00:00:40,013 OK. Come on. 18 00:00:40,113 --> 00:00:40,880 I'll dish out. 19 00:00:40,981 --> 00:00:41,982 Come on. 20 00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:42,916 OK. 21 00:00:43,016 --> 00:00:44,250 Let's see. 22 00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:46,353 The cottage cheese and cucumber, that's mine. 23 00:00:46,453 --> 00:00:49,723 And Swiss cheese and turkey, that's yours. 24 00:00:49,823 --> 00:00:54,661 And peanut butter and jelly on rye bread-- Rye bread? 25 00:00:54,761 --> 00:00:55,729 Sorry, Rob. 26 00:00:55,829 --> 00:00:56,563 Well, it's OK. 27 00:00:56,663 --> 00:00:59,766 I'll just pick the seeds out. 28 00:00:59,866 --> 00:01:01,701 Hey, there's no Russian dressing on my sandwich. 29 00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,236 SALLY: Well, I told him to put it on. 30 00:01:03,336 --> 00:01:04,738 Well, he must have put it on his apron. 31 00:01:04,838 --> 00:01:06,206 It's not on here. 32 00:01:06,306 --> 00:01:07,240 Let's see. 33 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,241 Maybe he put it in separately. 34 00:01:08,341 --> 00:01:09,442 No. 35 00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:11,144 Hey, maybe he put it in the coffee. 36 00:01:11,244 --> 00:01:12,512 [sarcastic laughter] 37 00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:15,148 What good's turkey and Swiss cheese without Russian dressing? 38 00:01:15,248 --> 00:01:16,850 Well, you'll soon find out. 39 00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:18,051 Oh, very funny. 40 00:01:18,151 --> 00:01:19,719 I noticed you managed to get your stuff all right. 41 00:01:19,819 --> 00:01:20,854 What right? 42 00:01:20,954 --> 00:01:22,555 I goofed on Rob, too, but he's not screaming. 43 00:01:22,656 --> 00:01:24,324 Well, he's eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 44 00:01:24,424 --> 00:01:26,993 What does he know? 45 00:01:27,093 --> 00:01:28,294 Oh, boy. 46 00:01:28,395 --> 00:01:31,097 This is just like eating a piece of flannel. 47 00:01:31,197 --> 00:01:32,999 Well, as long as there's nothing going on with my mouth, 48 00:01:33,099 --> 00:01:34,701 why don't we work on the last half of the sketch? 49 00:01:34,801 --> 00:01:36,603 We're two hours late for lunch as it is. 50 00:01:36,703 --> 00:01:38,405 Well, I can't eat this junk, anyway. 51 00:01:38,505 --> 00:01:39,172 Come on. Hey. 52 00:01:39,272 --> 00:01:40,206 I got an idea. 53 00:01:40,306 --> 00:01:41,541 Alan walks into a barbershop. 54 00:01:41,641 --> 00:01:43,543 He takes off his toupee, hands it to the barber. 55 00:01:43,643 --> 00:01:45,211 He says, give me a haircut and a shampoo. 56 00:01:45,312 --> 00:01:46,546 I'll be back in a half hour. 57 00:01:48,948 --> 00:01:51,785 The thing is Alan doesn't like to remind people that he's bald. 58 00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:52,485 Well, come on. 59 00:01:52,585 --> 00:01:53,887 It's a good joke. 60 00:01:53,987 --> 00:01:55,488 Well, if you can't use it, it's not a good joke. 61 00:01:55,588 --> 00:01:56,656 Sit there and eat and criticize. 62 00:01:56,756 --> 00:01:58,324 Sure, you can do it. It's easy. 63 00:01:58,425 --> 00:01:59,492 Let's see you come up with something. 64 00:01:59,592 --> 00:02:00,427 Hey, Buddy, come on. 65 00:02:00,527 --> 00:02:01,628 What's with you? 66 00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:03,596 Well, yeah, all I said was I don't-- [phone ringing] - I'll get it. 67 00:02:03,697 --> 00:02:04,330 No, no. Don't worry. 68 00:02:04,431 --> 00:02:05,398 I'll get it. 69 00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:08,168 Hello? 70 00:02:08,268 --> 00:02:10,670 Oh, uh, yeah. 71 00:02:10,770 --> 00:02:11,738 Yeah, sure. 72 00:02:11,838 --> 00:02:14,341 Well, uh, look, I can't talk right now. 73 00:02:14,441 --> 00:02:15,241 Yeah. 74 00:02:15,342 --> 00:02:16,710 Goodbye. 75 00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:20,113 Uh, say, is-- is it all right if I don't stay and help you guys finish the sketch? 76 00:02:20,213 --> 00:02:21,514 That was, uh, my mother on the phone. 77 00:02:21,614 --> 00:02:22,882 She wants me to come over. 78 00:02:22,982 --> 00:02:24,384 Well, nothing serious, is it, Buddy? 79 00:02:24,484 --> 00:02:26,019 No, no. You know how mothers are. 80 00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:27,020 - Yeah. - Yeah. 81 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:27,954 Oh. 82 00:02:28,054 --> 00:02:28,888 Oh, look. 83 00:02:28,988 --> 00:02:30,256 It's 2:30 now. 84 00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:31,958 And by the time I get there with the traffic and everything, 85 00:02:32,058 --> 00:02:34,060 I guess I might as well stay and have dinner with Mom. 86 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,395 Will that be all right? - Yeah. 87 00:02:35,495 --> 00:02:36,262 Don't worry about it. We'll see you tomorrow. 88 00:02:36,362 --> 00:02:37,330 Oh, OK. So long. 89 00:02:37,430 --> 00:02:38,365 OK, bye. SALLY: So long. 90 00:02:38,465 --> 00:02:41,334 So long, Sal. 91 00:02:41,434 --> 00:02:42,302 What's with him lately? 92 00:02:42,402 --> 00:02:43,703 I don't know. 93 00:02:43,803 --> 00:02:44,871 But whatever it is, I wish they'd leave him alone. 94 00:02:44,971 --> 00:02:46,172 Boy. 95 00:02:46,272 --> 00:02:48,541 Imagine making such a fuss over some Russian dressing. 96 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:50,310 He's been acting awfully strange lately. 97 00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:51,878 Yeah, he looks strange, too. 98 00:02:51,978 --> 00:02:53,980 You remember the last time he had that look on his face? 99 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,248 No. 100 00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:56,483 Because he's never had that look before. 101 00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:57,784 Yes, he has. 102 00:02:57,884 --> 00:03:01,087 The last time he had that look on his face was when he walked out on his wife. 103 00:03:01,187 --> 00:03:03,590 Oh, Rob, you don't think-- Yeah, I do. 104 00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:05,125 He walked out of here with that same look. 105 00:03:10,029 --> 00:03:11,631 When, Sal? 106 00:03:11,731 --> 00:03:14,167 Boy, that's strange. 107 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,268 No. 108 00:03:15,368 --> 00:03:16,202 No. 109 00:03:16,302 --> 00:03:18,271 She lives in Brooklyn. 110 00:03:18,371 --> 00:03:21,407 Oh, that's strange. 111 00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:23,209 That's strange, too. 112 00:03:23,309 --> 00:03:25,111 I don't know. 113 00:03:25,211 --> 00:03:26,146 Well. 114 00:03:26,246 --> 00:03:27,080 Yeah. 115 00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:28,748 Thanks for calling, Sal. 116 00:03:28,848 --> 00:03:31,184 Yeah, I'll talk to you in the morning. 117 00:03:31,284 --> 00:03:33,520 Boy, that's strange. 118 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:34,854 You want to hear something? 119 00:03:34,954 --> 00:03:35,822 Is it strange? 120 00:03:35,922 --> 00:03:37,223 Yeah. 121 00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:40,693 You know how I've been telling you that Buddy's been acting odd the last couple of weeks? 122 00:03:40,794 --> 00:03:42,028 You mean, he hasn't snapped out of it yet? 123 00:03:42,128 --> 00:03:43,596 No, he hasn't. 124 00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:44,964 He left early today, said he was going to be with his mother. 125 00:03:45,064 --> 00:03:46,366 He was going to have dinner with her. 126 00:03:46,466 --> 00:03:47,834 Well, what's strange about that? 127 00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:51,271 Sally saw him on 96th Street in Manhattan. 128 00:03:51,371 --> 00:03:52,672 His mother lives in Brooklyn. 129 00:03:52,772 --> 00:03:54,140 Well, what did Buddy say to her? 130 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:55,208 Oh, he didn't see her. 131 00:03:55,308 --> 00:03:56,376 Then maybe it wasn't Buddy. 132 00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:57,877 No, it was Buddy all right. 133 00:03:57,977 --> 00:03:59,913 Something is definitely wrong here. 134 00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:02,615 He said he's going to go have dinner with his mother in Brooklyn, and he ends up 135 00:04:02,715 --> 00:04:04,951 slinking around on 96th Street. 136 00:04:05,051 --> 00:04:06,953 Well, what was Sally doing on 96th Street? 137 00:04:07,053 --> 00:04:08,388 What does anybody do on 96th Street? 138 00:04:08,488 --> 00:04:10,723 They visit their psychiatrist. 139 00:04:10,824 --> 00:04:12,025 Sally's going to a psychiatrist? 140 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:13,326 Well, only for dinner. 141 00:04:13,426 --> 00:04:15,028 Her cousin, Eddie, is one. 142 00:04:15,128 --> 00:04:16,095 Oh. 143 00:04:16,196 --> 00:04:17,831 Why would he lie to us about his mother? 144 00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:21,334 You mean, you think he's doing something there on 96th Street he doesn't want you to know about? 145 00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:24,838 Obviously, but what? 146 00:04:24,938 --> 00:04:25,772 Hey. 147 00:04:25,872 --> 00:04:26,606 What? 148 00:04:26,706 --> 00:04:27,941 I think I just said it. 149 00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:28,875 What did you say? 150 00:04:28,975 --> 00:04:29,943 Psychiatrist. 151 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,411 The whole area there is loaded with them. 152 00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:33,346 You think Buddy's going to a psychiatrist? 153 00:04:33,446 --> 00:04:34,647 Could be. 154 00:04:34,747 --> 00:04:36,616 But why would Buddy go to a psychiatrist? 155 00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:38,852 Well, he would if he was having trouble with Pickles. 156 00:04:38,952 --> 00:04:39,586 Is he? 157 00:04:39,686 --> 00:04:40,687 More than usual? 158 00:04:40,787 --> 00:04:41,921 Well, yeah, it could be. 159 00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:44,724 That could be why he's leaving early. 160 00:04:44,824 --> 00:04:47,427 But if-- why didn't he just tell us then? 161 00:04:47,527 --> 00:04:48,661 Well, maybe he's embarrassed. 162 00:04:48,761 --> 00:04:51,064 You know, an awful lot of people still feel that way about psychiatry. 163 00:04:51,164 --> 00:04:51,764 Yeah. 164 00:04:51,865 --> 00:04:52,999 Yeah, that could be it. 165 00:04:53,099 --> 00:04:54,300 Of course, you're only guessing. 166 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,902 We could be wrong. 167 00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:58,204 I hope we're right because he has got some kind of a problem. 168 00:04:58,304 --> 00:05:01,808 Well, in that case, he's a lot better off seeing a psychiatrist than his mother. 169 00:05:01,908 --> 00:05:04,377 Oh, yeah, all she can do is fix him chicken soup. 170 00:05:04,477 --> 00:05:06,112 [laughter] 171 00:05:06,212 --> 00:05:11,551 Listen, Rob, you don't, uh, really think he's going to a psychiatrist, do you? 172 00:05:11,651 --> 00:05:13,386 Oh, come up with a better theory. 173 00:05:13,486 --> 00:05:14,787 Yeah, I guess you're right. 174 00:05:14,888 --> 00:05:17,891 I mean, he hasn't been his usual awful self lately. 175 00:05:17,991 --> 00:05:19,692 I just wish we could do something for him. 176 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:21,094 All right. What can we do? 177 00:05:21,194 --> 00:05:23,796 Well, it might help him if he could talk about it. 178 00:05:23,897 --> 00:05:26,633 Well, you know, I got a feeling he's dying to tell us something. 179 00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,301 Well, why don't we act like we're dying to hear it? 180 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:29,335 Who has to act? 181 00:05:29,435 --> 00:05:30,537 Yeah. 182 00:05:30,637 --> 00:05:31,738 Oh, hi, everybody. 183 00:05:31,838 --> 00:05:32,805 Hi. 184 00:05:32,906 --> 00:05:34,107 - Anybody want a hot donut? - Yeah, me. 185 00:05:34,207 --> 00:05:35,308 I do. 186 00:05:35,408 --> 00:05:36,109 Boy, I knew I should have gotten more than one. 187 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:37,110 Oh. 188 00:05:39,979 --> 00:05:41,180 Boy, you're pretty perky. 189 00:05:41,281 --> 00:05:42,415 You must have got a good night's sleep, huh? 190 00:05:42,515 --> 00:05:43,650 Yeah. I slept like a log. 191 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:44,984 I must have. 192 00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:45,985 I woke up this morning, I was in the fireplace. 193 00:05:46,085 --> 00:05:47,120 [laughter] 194 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,021 Hey. 195 00:05:48,121 --> 00:05:49,055 ROB: That's good. 196 00:05:49,155 --> 00:05:50,757 Why don't we work on the monologue? 197 00:05:50,857 --> 00:05:51,591 Oh. 198 00:05:51,691 --> 00:05:53,092 Why don't we just talk a while? 199 00:05:53,192 --> 00:05:54,560 Well, what are we going to talk about? 200 00:05:54,661 --> 00:05:56,829 Oh, I, uh-- anything you want, Buddy. 201 00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:58,064 Well, let's talk about the monologue. 202 00:05:58,164 --> 00:05:59,799 I got a great joke. Listen to this. 203 00:05:59,899 --> 00:06:04,304 There's this two big recording stars, but big, and they fall in love and decide to get married. 204 00:06:04,404 --> 00:06:09,309 But I don't think it'll work out because he's 45, and she's 33 and a third. 205 00:06:09,409 --> 00:06:11,377 That's a great joke, Buddy. 206 00:06:11,477 --> 00:06:12,779 [laughter] 207 00:06:12,879 --> 00:06:15,048 Hey, Buddy, you ought to leave early more often. 208 00:06:15,148 --> 00:06:18,318 I mean, getting away from us seems to do you good. 209 00:06:18,418 --> 00:06:19,519 Hey, that reminds me. 210 00:06:19,619 --> 00:06:20,586 Do you mind if I knock off early today? 211 00:06:20,687 --> 00:06:21,721 ROB: Sure, sure. 212 00:06:21,821 --> 00:06:23,356 You know, any-- is it your mother? 213 00:06:23,456 --> 00:06:24,891 My mother? What about my mother? 214 00:06:24,991 --> 00:06:25,858 Well, no. 215 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:28,294 You left, you know, early yesterday to have dinner with her. 216 00:06:28,394 --> 00:06:29,629 I thought maybe that's why you were leaving early today. 217 00:06:29,729 --> 00:06:31,197 Yeah. You're right. 218 00:06:31,297 --> 00:06:32,699 It's-- it's my mother, yeah. 219 00:06:32,799 --> 00:06:34,200 Well, you know-- you know how mothers are. 220 00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,335 Yeah. Yeah. 221 00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:36,602 By the way, uh, how is she, Buddy? 222 00:06:36,703 --> 00:06:38,271 Oh, she's-- she's fine. 223 00:06:38,371 --> 00:06:40,340 Better than ever. 224 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,408 Uh, look, fellas. 225 00:06:42,508 --> 00:06:43,509 Yeah, Buddy? 226 00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:45,345 I'd like, uh-- Yeah, what, Buddy? 227 00:06:45,445 --> 00:06:46,646 What? 228 00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:47,847 I'd-- I'd-- uh, I'd like to use the phone. 229 00:06:47,947 --> 00:06:49,115 I got to call my mother. 230 00:06:49,215 --> 00:06:50,483 I'll be back in a couple of seconds. 231 00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:51,584 - Use this phone. - No. 232 00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:52,719 No, you guys are busy working. 233 00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:53,987 - We're not busy. - Right. 234 00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,388 And I don't want to hold you back. 235 00:07:00,927 --> 00:07:02,629 He almost told us something. 236 00:07:02,729 --> 00:07:03,997 - What do you think it was? - I don't know. 237 00:07:04,097 --> 00:07:06,799 Whatever it was, I think he decided to tell his psychiatrist instead. 238 00:07:09,869 --> 00:07:14,173 C-R-O-W. That's nine points. 239 00:07:14,273 --> 00:07:15,541 I don't know. 240 00:07:15,641 --> 00:07:17,710 He came in this morning his old self, went out his new self. 241 00:07:17,810 --> 00:07:19,912 I hope those visits to the doctor are helping. 242 00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:23,349 Darling, the psychiatrist theory is still just a guess on your part. 243 00:07:23,449 --> 00:07:26,319 Boy, whatever it is, I hope it gets him straightened out. 244 00:07:26,419 --> 00:07:27,320 Oh, my gosh. 245 00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:28,354 What? 246 00:07:28,454 --> 00:07:29,455 He left early again tonight. 247 00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:30,957 So? 248 00:07:31,057 --> 00:07:32,925 So, we're supposed to watch "The Dimwit Show" tonight. 249 00:07:33,026 --> 00:07:36,229 We're doing a satire on it next week, and he's never seen the show. 250 00:07:36,329 --> 00:07:37,563 What time is it now? 251 00:07:37,663 --> 00:07:39,432 Oh, about 8:00. 252 00:07:39,532 --> 00:07:44,337 He's had-- he left at 4:00-- at least time to get home by now. 253 00:07:44,437 --> 00:07:45,638 Pickles? Hi. 254 00:07:45,738 --> 00:07:46,572 Rob. 255 00:07:46,672 --> 00:07:47,740 Yeah, fine, thanks. 256 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,108 How are you? 257 00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:49,909 Oh, good. 258 00:07:50,009 --> 00:07:51,644 No, she's just fine. 259 00:07:51,744 --> 00:07:54,080 Hey, listen, is Buddy there? 260 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:54,781 Oh. 261 00:07:54,881 --> 00:07:56,249 I see. He's still out. 262 00:07:56,349 --> 00:07:57,650 He can't still be at the psychiatrist. 263 00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:59,185 Oh, what, Pickles? 264 00:07:59,285 --> 00:08:00,019 No, no. 265 00:08:00,119 --> 00:08:01,621 It wasn't anything important. 266 00:08:01,721 --> 00:08:04,290 We were supposed to watch the, uh, "The Dimwits Show" tonight. 267 00:08:04,390 --> 00:08:05,491 Well, listen. 268 00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:10,363 I'm sure he can watch it just as well at his mother's as he can-- oh. Oh. 269 00:08:10,463 --> 00:08:11,597 Oh, no, no. 270 00:08:11,697 --> 00:08:14,934 Really, if he says he's at the office, then he's at the office. 271 00:08:15,034 --> 00:08:15,768 Right. 272 00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:18,438 Well, I can call him there. 273 00:08:18,538 --> 00:08:19,772 Oh, did he say that? 274 00:08:19,872 --> 00:08:21,340 No, no. He's right. 275 00:08:21,441 --> 00:08:23,409 If he says the switchboard's closed after 6:00, it's closed. 276 00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:25,311 That's all. 277 00:08:25,411 --> 00:08:26,846 We can't call him, Pickles. 278 00:08:26,946 --> 00:08:30,083 Don't go down there, no. 279 00:08:30,183 --> 00:08:30,917 No. No. 280 00:08:31,017 --> 00:08:32,385 Uh, Sally and I will watch it. 281 00:08:32,485 --> 00:08:33,553 It's unimportant. 282 00:08:33,653 --> 00:08:34,754 Right. 283 00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:36,656 Nice, uh, talk-- talking to you, Pickles. 284 00:08:36,756 --> 00:08:37,957 Bye. 285 00:08:38,057 --> 00:08:41,194 Boy, oh, boy, did she sound disturbed. 286 00:08:41,294 --> 00:08:43,529 Well, I think you helped disturb her. 287 00:08:43,629 --> 00:08:46,199 You were talking crazy. 288 00:08:46,299 --> 00:08:47,033 Isn't it funny? 289 00:08:47,133 --> 00:08:48,801 She has no idea where Buddy is. 290 00:08:48,901 --> 00:08:50,336 Oh, come on, Rob. 291 00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:53,873 A man going to a psychiatrist, and his wife doesn't know? 292 00:08:53,973 --> 00:08:55,441 I guess a wife would know if he was. 293 00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:56,642 Well, sure. 294 00:08:56,742 --> 00:08:59,178 If she doesn't know, maybe he's not. 295 00:08:59,278 --> 00:09:00,813 Not what? 296 00:09:00,913 --> 00:09:03,382 What do you think not what? 297 00:09:03,483 --> 00:09:06,352 Not going to a psychiatrist. 298 00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:10,289 Well, then what on Earth would a man do that he wouldn't want his wife to know about? 299 00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:15,695 Oh! 300 00:09:15,795 --> 00:09:17,997 Now, who's this? 301 00:09:18,097 --> 00:09:21,000 Well, would you like to leave a message, miss? 302 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,703 Well, who shall I say called? 303 00:09:23,803 --> 00:09:24,837 Well, all right. 304 00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:27,907 But don't call for about 15 minutes because he's usually late. 305 00:09:28,007 --> 00:09:29,375 That's all right. 306 00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:31,711 You're welcome. 307 00:09:31,811 --> 00:09:33,146 Sal, I've got to talk to you. 308 00:09:33,246 --> 00:09:34,647 Well, in that case, I've got to listen. 309 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:35,882 What? 310 00:09:35,982 --> 00:09:38,818 Who was the last person in the world you would expect to be going out with another woman? 311 00:09:38,918 --> 00:09:40,286 - You. - Uh, after me. 312 00:09:42,855 --> 00:09:44,457 Oh, Rob, come on. 313 00:09:44,557 --> 00:09:45,458 Ridiculous, right? 314 00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:46,359 Buddy? 315 00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:47,493 Are you serious? 316 00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:48,895 Why, is it impossible? 317 00:09:48,995 --> 00:09:50,897 Well, for one thing, Pickle's wouldn't let him. 318 00:09:50,997 --> 00:09:52,999 That's not funny, Sally. 319 00:09:53,099 --> 00:09:54,500 Oh, Rob, come on. 320 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,935 Buddy and another woman? 321 00:09:56,035 --> 00:09:58,304 That's-- that's funny enough to put in the script. 322 00:09:58,404 --> 00:09:59,739 I admit I haven't got much to go on. 323 00:09:59,839 --> 00:10:03,242 A few amateur deductions and one phone conversation with Pickles. 324 00:10:03,342 --> 00:10:05,511 Rob, I think you got something else to go on. 325 00:10:05,611 --> 00:10:06,846 What? 326 00:10:06,946 --> 00:10:08,948 A phone conversation with the other woman. 327 00:10:09,048 --> 00:10:10,516 I think I just had it. 328 00:10:10,616 --> 00:10:11,417 Who was it? 329 00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:12,552 Well, she didn't say. 330 00:10:12,652 --> 00:10:14,120 And she didn't want to say. 331 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:18,057 And what she didn't say, she said with a pretty sexy voice. 332 00:10:18,157 --> 00:10:22,495 Boy, I could believe it about almost anybody, except Buddy Sorrell and another woman? 333 00:10:22,595 --> 00:10:23,896 Who would believe it? 334 00:10:23,996 --> 00:10:25,865 I don't believe it. 335 00:10:25,965 --> 00:10:28,267 Buddy-- Buddy's a joker, not a lover. 336 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:31,070 Yeah, well, maybe they sit on a couch and laugh at each other. 337 00:10:34,173 --> 00:10:35,508 And you know what? 338 00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:38,144 I even baked them some oatmeal cookies last night. 339 00:10:38,244 --> 00:10:38,878 Here. 340 00:10:38,978 --> 00:10:40,479 Have one. 341 00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:42,081 Boy, it's hard to believe. 342 00:10:42,181 --> 00:10:43,983 I could just kill him. 343 00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:45,484 Why don't you give him one of these? 344 00:10:48,354 --> 00:10:49,555 That bad, huh? 345 00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:50,523 Mhm. 346 00:10:50,623 --> 00:10:52,792 I got to get a new stove. 347 00:10:52,892 --> 00:10:54,460 I sure wish I knew what to do about it. 348 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:59,098 Well, I guess there's nothing to do but just sit back and watch a marriage explode. 349 00:10:59,198 --> 00:11:01,701 Good morning, early-birds. 350 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,002 - Hi. - Hey. 351 00:11:03,102 --> 00:11:04,470 I just saw a terrible accident. Really? 352 00:11:04,570 --> 00:11:05,838 Yes. Tell us about it. 353 00:11:05,938 --> 00:11:06,772 All right. 354 00:11:06,872 --> 00:11:08,174 Here's what happened. 355 00:11:08,274 --> 00:11:10,109 This beer truck ran right into an ice cream wagon. 356 00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:12,278 All over the street, beer a la mode. 357 00:11:14,146 --> 00:11:15,348 You know what's the matter with you guys? 358 00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:18,618 You laugh faster than the speed of sound. 359 00:11:18,718 --> 00:11:20,052 Here. Have a cookie. 360 00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:21,254 They're homemade. 361 00:11:21,354 --> 00:11:22,255 All right. 362 00:11:22,355 --> 00:11:23,289 Mm. 363 00:11:23,389 --> 00:11:27,126 Just like my wife makes, rotten. 364 00:11:27,226 --> 00:11:28,728 That's not very funny. 365 00:11:28,828 --> 00:11:30,730 There's nothing funny about my wife. 366 00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:32,031 What do you say let's get down to work? 367 00:11:32,131 --> 00:11:33,366 - Yeah. - All right. 368 00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:37,370 Say, before we start, is it OK if I, uh, get through a little earlier today? 369 00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:38,504 What, again? 370 00:11:38,604 --> 00:11:40,606 Well, yeah, it happens to be kind of important. 371 00:11:40,706 --> 00:11:41,607 Why? 372 00:11:41,707 --> 00:11:43,309 Or is it something personal? 373 00:11:43,409 --> 00:11:46,045 Well, yeah, it-- it's personal. 374 00:11:46,145 --> 00:11:48,214 You, uh, going to see your mother again? 375 00:11:48,314 --> 00:11:49,015 No. 376 00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:50,182 I saw my mother last night. 377 00:11:50,283 --> 00:11:51,584 And the night before. 378 00:11:51,684 --> 00:11:53,019 Yeah, well, you can't see your mother every night. 379 00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:54,353 You got to stay home once in a while. 380 00:11:54,453 --> 00:11:56,889 Oh, you going to stay home tonight? 381 00:11:56,989 --> 00:11:59,625 Well, no, not exactly. 382 00:11:59,725 --> 00:12:01,527 I-- I got this thing-- What? 383 00:12:01,627 --> 00:12:02,461 What, Buddy? 384 00:12:02,561 --> 00:12:03,596 Look. 385 00:12:03,696 --> 00:12:05,197 Everybody is entitled to have their private life. 386 00:12:05,298 --> 00:12:07,566 Oh, by the way, Buddy, this lady called earlier. 387 00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,768 Probably my mother. 388 00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,503 Well, uh, she didn't leave her name. 389 00:12:10,603 --> 00:12:12,672 Oh, then it was definitely my mother. 390 00:12:12,772 --> 00:12:13,973 - Your mother? - Yeah. 391 00:12:14,073 --> 00:12:15,408 She knows I know her name. 392 00:12:19,712 --> 00:12:21,180 Aw, I'm sorry I'm late. 393 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,682 I had to get the shopping done. 394 00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:23,816 Hold that for me, will you? 395 00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:24,984 That's all right. 396 00:12:25,084 --> 00:12:26,419 I didn't wait too long. 397 00:12:26,519 --> 00:12:27,253 Hey, look. 398 00:12:27,353 --> 00:12:28,254 I remembered to bring the wine. 399 00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:30,990 Aw, Buddy, you're so sweet. 400 00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:33,392 It's easy to be sweet to sweet people. 401 00:12:33,492 --> 00:12:35,561 Come on in. 402 00:12:35,661 --> 00:12:36,829 Make yourself comfortable. 403 00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:38,364 Here, I'll put those away. 404 00:12:38,464 --> 00:12:39,365 OK. 405 00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:59,685 Buddy, come on now. 406 00:12:59,785 --> 00:13:01,487 Stop worrying. 407 00:13:01,587 --> 00:13:04,357 I don't like this sneaking around. 408 00:13:04,457 --> 00:13:06,025 I'm just tired of the whole thing. 409 00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:08,027 Oh, don't talk like that. 410 00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:11,230 Oh, I'm sorry, Dorothy, but I'm too old for this. 411 00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:13,032 After all, I'm a married man. 412 00:13:13,132 --> 00:13:16,001 Well, you know that doesn't matter. 413 00:13:16,102 --> 00:13:17,570 But you know, I've been thinking. 414 00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:20,139 Maybe the best idea would be to tell everybody involved. 415 00:13:20,239 --> 00:13:23,542 No, I think the best idea would be to forget the whole thing. 416 00:13:23,642 --> 00:13:25,911 I had to go to Florida this summer and bump into you. 417 00:13:26,011 --> 00:13:27,646 Oh, don't say that. 418 00:13:27,747 --> 00:13:31,083 Well, if I hadn't seen you, why, this whole thing wouldn't have started. 419 00:13:31,183 --> 00:13:34,153 Oh, Buddy, you can't just walk out now. 420 00:13:34,253 --> 00:13:35,454 This was meant to be. 421 00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:39,158 I can't believe our bumping into each other was just an accident. 422 00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:41,026 Well, maybe you're right. 423 00:13:41,127 --> 00:13:42,628 What time will your husband be home? 424 00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:43,929 5 o'clock. 425 00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:45,164 I called and left a message at the office. 426 00:13:45,264 --> 00:13:46,665 Didn't you get it? 427 00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:49,835 No, the only message I got is that some woman called and didn't leave a message. 428 00:13:49,935 --> 00:13:53,239 Oh, well, when I found out he was going to be late, I called back. 429 00:13:53,339 --> 00:13:55,107 I hope I didn't make it embarrassing for you. 430 00:13:55,207 --> 00:13:57,143 That depends on who got the message. 431 00:13:57,243 --> 00:14:00,179 "Please tell Mr. Sorrell that Dorothy called. 432 00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:05,818 She wanted him to know that her husband is coming home at 5:00." 433 00:14:05,918 --> 00:14:07,420 How do you like that? 434 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,088 The other woman has another man. 435 00:14:09,188 --> 00:14:10,523 [whistling] 436 00:14:10,623 --> 00:14:11,724 Wow. 437 00:14:11,824 --> 00:14:14,794 I feel like I'm in the middle of a foreign movie. 438 00:14:14,894 --> 00:14:16,695 I knew something was going on. 439 00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:18,230 You noticed it, too, huh? 440 00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:21,634 Well, the whole office did, even Alan said, what's with Buddy? 441 00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:22,601 [clicking] 442 00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:23,969 Oh. 443 00:14:24,069 --> 00:14:25,471 I find this most distressing. 444 00:14:25,571 --> 00:14:27,072 Well, I don't know what we can do about it. 445 00:14:27,173 --> 00:14:28,674 It's his own private business. 446 00:14:28,774 --> 00:14:30,843 Well, it's not going through our switchboard. 447 00:14:30,943 --> 00:14:32,545 This is a family show. 448 00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:38,284 I have a good mind to not give him this message and-- and let Dorothy's husband walk in and catch him. 449 00:14:38,384 --> 00:14:41,520 Boy, no wonder Buddy calls you Mr Nice Guy. 450 00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:44,557 Well, you certainly don't condone this sort of thing, do you? 451 00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:45,691 Of course not, Mel. 452 00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:48,027 Somebody's going to have to sit down with Buddy and talk some sense into him. 453 00:14:48,127 --> 00:14:49,395 Well, it won't be me. 454 00:14:49,495 --> 00:14:51,497 I can't talk to him at all. 455 00:14:51,597 --> 00:14:52,198 Shocking. 456 00:14:52,298 --> 00:14:55,501 Absolutely shocking. 457 00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:56,969 Well, Rob? 458 00:14:57,069 --> 00:14:58,571 I guess you're elected. 459 00:14:58,671 --> 00:15:00,606 You're the one that's going to have to straighten Buddy out. 460 00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:01,707 Oh, no, not me. 461 00:15:01,807 --> 00:15:03,242 Well, you don't expect me? 462 00:15:03,342 --> 00:15:05,778 You know, somebody else is going to straighten him out before we get to him. - Who? 463 00:15:05,878 --> 00:15:06,745 Dorothy's husband. 464 00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:08,414 It's almost 5 o'clock now. 465 00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:28,834 [rustling from another room] 466 00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:30,669 What are you doing here? 467 00:15:30,769 --> 00:15:31,904 DOROTHY: Leon. 468 00:15:32,004 --> 00:15:34,206 What is he doing here? 469 00:15:34,306 --> 00:15:35,241 I'm supposed to be here. 470 00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:36,141 It's 5 o'clock. 471 00:15:36,242 --> 00:15:37,776 5 o'clock? 472 00:15:37,877 --> 00:15:40,246 Oh, my watch must have stopped. 473 00:15:40,346 --> 00:15:41,847 I'm terribly sorry, Buddy. Come. 474 00:15:41,947 --> 00:15:42,748 Let's get to work. 475 00:15:42,848 --> 00:15:43,682 All right. 476 00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,918 Anything you say, rabbi. 477 00:15:46,018 --> 00:15:49,188 Hello, darling. 478 00:15:49,288 --> 00:15:50,789 I'll leave you two gentlemen alone. 479 00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:51,924 Thank you, darling. 480 00:15:52,024 --> 00:15:54,860 Gee, I hope I'll be able to learn all that stuff by Saturday. 481 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,128 You better, Bud. 482 00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:58,130 There are no cue cards in the synagogue. 483 00:15:58,230 --> 00:15:59,431 I know. 484 00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:06,639 [speaking hebrew] 485 00:16:06,739 --> 00:16:07,573 No, no. 486 00:16:07,673 --> 00:16:09,775 Listen to the way I say it, Buddy. 487 00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:11,744 [speaking hebrew] 488 00:16:16,081 --> 00:16:17,082 Fine. Fine. 489 00:16:17,183 --> 00:16:18,217 Much better. 490 00:16:18,317 --> 00:16:19,718 By George, I think I've got it. 491 00:16:21,987 --> 00:16:24,790 Give bar mitzvah lessons to a comedy writer. 492 00:16:24,890 --> 00:16:25,724 Sorry, rabbi. 493 00:16:25,824 --> 00:16:26,525 I just couldn't resist. 494 00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:27,826 No, don't apologize, Buddy. 495 00:16:27,927 --> 00:16:30,963 There's nothing wrong with a little humor, even in confirmation lessons. 496 00:16:31,063 --> 00:16:31,997 [door opening] 497 00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:33,165 How did the lesson go today? 498 00:16:33,265 --> 00:16:34,533 Buddy is doing just fine, darling. 499 00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:35,734 Good. 500 00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:38,304 The only trouble is he started 30 years too late. 501 00:16:38,404 --> 00:16:42,107 Well, it isn't my fault. It took me that long to save up for a blue suit. 502 00:16:42,207 --> 00:16:43,108 [doorbell ringing] 503 00:16:43,208 --> 00:16:44,043 Would you get that? 504 00:16:44,143 --> 00:16:45,978 I'll get it. 505 00:16:46,078 --> 00:16:47,279 [clearing throat] 506 00:16:47,379 --> 00:16:48,180 Oh, hi, David. 507 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,448 You're right on time. 508 00:16:49,548 --> 00:16:50,849 Rabbi will be ready for you in a minute. 509 00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:51,884 LEON: Hello, David. 510 00:16:51,984 --> 00:16:53,018 Come here, David. 511 00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:54,119 I want you to meet Buddy Sorrell. 512 00:16:54,219 --> 00:16:55,955 Buddy, this is David Feldman. 513 00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:56,922 Hello, Mr. Sorrell. 514 00:16:57,022 --> 00:16:58,390 Hi, David. 515 00:16:58,490 --> 00:17:00,626 Buddy is going to be bar mitzvahed with you, David. 516 00:17:00,726 --> 00:17:02,061 Don't look at me like that, kid. 517 00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:05,364 I just happen to be big for my age. 518 00:17:05,464 --> 00:17:07,299 Well, I'll see you on Saturday, rabbi. 519 00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:08,634 All right, Buddy. 520 00:17:08,734 --> 00:17:10,235 Gee, I sure hope I can learn all this by then. 521 00:17:10,336 --> 00:17:11,670 LEON: Don't worry. 522 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,974 Oh, by the way, David, you want to get in good with the rabbi? 523 00:17:15,074 --> 00:17:16,241 Sure. 524 00:17:16,342 --> 00:17:17,843 Next time you come, forget the pigskin. 525 00:17:21,313 --> 00:17:22,848 [door closing] 526 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:25,284 Rabbi? 527 00:17:25,384 --> 00:17:26,552 Yes, David? 528 00:17:26,652 --> 00:17:29,355 That man who was just here, Mr. Sorrell? 529 00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:31,056 Is he really being confirmed? 530 00:17:31,156 --> 00:17:32,458 Yes, he is. 531 00:17:32,558 --> 00:17:34,126 An old man like that? 532 00:17:34,226 --> 00:17:36,795 Now, David, Mr. Sorrell is not an old man. 533 00:17:36,895 --> 00:17:40,132 Actually, he's only a little younger than I am. 534 00:17:40,232 --> 00:17:43,102 But I thought everybody got bar mitzvahed when they were 13. 535 00:17:43,202 --> 00:17:44,403 Well, that's true, David. 536 00:17:44,503 --> 00:17:46,872 But you see, Mr. Sorrell is an unusual case. 537 00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:50,376 When he was 13, his family was very poor. 538 00:17:50,476 --> 00:17:53,245 And he had to go out to work and help support them. 539 00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:58,517 Now, as a special present for his mother, he's finally going to be bar mitzvahed. 540 00:17:58,617 --> 00:18:01,453 Gee, rabbi, can I wait till I'm his age? 541 00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:08,427 At the rate you are learning, David, you are lucky if you'll know it by then. 542 00:18:08,527 --> 00:18:09,828 Now, let's get to work. 543 00:18:12,197 --> 00:18:13,265 All right. 544 00:18:13,365 --> 00:18:16,068 Then we'll use that joke for the-- Hi. 545 00:18:16,168 --> 00:18:17,002 Hey. 546 00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:17,936 What are you doing here? 547 00:18:18,037 --> 00:18:19,271 It's nearly 6 o'clock. 548 00:18:19,371 --> 00:18:20,506 Oh, I thought we might be working late tonight. 549 00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:22,074 No, not this little girl. 550 00:18:22,174 --> 00:18:23,208 I have a heavy date tonight. 551 00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:24,610 Huh? 552 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:28,113 My girlfriend just moved into a new apartment, and I'm going to help her move. 553 00:18:28,213 --> 00:18:29,415 Oh, gee, Buddy. 554 00:18:29,515 --> 00:18:30,816 Uh, Laura's expecting me home for dinner. 555 00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:33,085 I-- I-- I don't have to go right now. 556 00:18:33,185 --> 00:18:35,521 Yeah, I'll, uh, see you boys in the morning, right? 557 00:18:35,621 --> 00:18:36,488 Good night, Buddy. 558 00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:37,423 Good night, Sal. 559 00:18:37,523 --> 00:18:40,192 Good luck, Rob. 560 00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:41,927 What is that bit? Good night, Buddy. 561 00:18:42,027 --> 00:18:43,262 Good luck, Rob? 562 00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:45,664 It just kind of turns out that way sometimes. 563 00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:48,367 Look, Rob, you don't have to hang around on my account. 564 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:51,203 I just felt kind of guilty because I've been leaving so early every day. 565 00:18:51,303 --> 00:18:53,072 Oh, Buddy, the work doesn't bother me. 566 00:18:53,172 --> 00:18:54,640 It-- it's something else. 567 00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:55,340 Oh? 568 00:18:55,441 --> 00:18:56,341 Something personal? 569 00:18:56,442 --> 00:18:57,342 Well, yeah. 570 00:18:57,443 --> 00:18:58,610 You could say it's personal. 571 00:18:58,711 --> 00:19:01,714 Want to talk about it? 572 00:19:01,814 --> 00:19:02,481 Yeah. 573 00:19:02,581 --> 00:19:03,949 I'd like to talk about it. 574 00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:04,883 Well, go ahead. 575 00:19:04,983 --> 00:19:05,984 We're friends. 576 00:19:06,085 --> 00:19:08,220 Well, Buddy, I'd like to tell you a story. 577 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,621 BUDDY: Go ahead. 578 00:19:09,722 --> 00:19:12,891 It's, uh-- there's this friend of mine. 579 00:19:12,991 --> 00:19:14,560 He's a-- you know, a happily married guy. 580 00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,295 He's got a good job. 581 00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:19,198 Well, he-- he, uh-- he met this girl. 582 00:19:19,298 --> 00:19:20,499 You know? 583 00:19:20,599 --> 00:19:22,534 Well, there's a lot of that going around. 584 00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,970 Before long, he kind of got infatuated. 585 00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:31,243 And, uh, they started having secret rendezvous, got involved, you know, and found himself 586 00:19:31,343 --> 00:19:34,847 lying to his wife, you know, making up more lies to his friends. 587 00:19:34,947 --> 00:19:38,016 And it turned into a kind of an ugly mess. 588 00:19:38,117 --> 00:19:39,284 Yeah, I know what you mean. 589 00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:41,787 I thought you would. 590 00:19:41,887 --> 00:19:44,623 And, look, you know, this guy-- no matter how careful he was, 591 00:19:44,723 --> 00:19:47,493 couldn't hide something like that from his wife for very long. 592 00:19:47,593 --> 00:19:48,827 Boy, leave it to wives. 593 00:19:48,927 --> 00:19:50,329 They've just got a way of getting to the truth. 594 00:19:50,429 --> 00:19:51,830 Right. 595 00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:55,000 Hey, this friend of yours is somebody we know, right? 596 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,401 Yeah, very, very well. 597 00:19:56,502 --> 00:19:58,103 Jerry Helper. 598 00:19:58,203 --> 00:19:59,004 What? 599 00:19:59,104 --> 00:20:00,205 It's not Jerry Harper? 600 00:20:00,305 --> 00:20:01,206 Well, wait a minute. 601 00:20:01,306 --> 00:20:02,541 Is this friend of yours you? 602 00:20:02,641 --> 00:20:04,076 The friend of mine is you, Buddy. 603 00:20:04,176 --> 00:20:05,077 Me? 604 00:20:05,177 --> 00:20:07,045 Yeah, you and that Dorothy. 605 00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:09,415 Well, what-- what are you-- Just forget her. 606 00:20:09,515 --> 00:20:10,616 She's no good for you, Buddy. 607 00:20:10,716 --> 00:20:12,417 - Don't tell me. - You're married. 608 00:20:12,518 --> 00:20:14,987 Well, don't tell me that you-- And, also, Dorothy's another man's wife. 609 00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,455 Yeah, my rabbi's. 610 00:20:16,555 --> 00:20:18,457 You're running around with your rabbi's wife? 611 00:20:23,729 --> 00:20:25,898 No, I'm running around with my rabbi. 612 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,802 Where did you get such a crazy idea? 613 00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:31,203 I've got to set you straight. 614 00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:32,571 I'm not running around with anybody. 615 00:20:32,671 --> 00:20:35,808 Well, what are you doing? 616 00:20:35,908 --> 00:20:38,277 I'm taking bar mitzvah lessons. 617 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:39,411 Oh, Buddy, it's bad enough. 618 00:20:39,511 --> 00:20:42,114 Don't be blasphemous. 619 00:20:42,214 --> 00:20:43,148 I couldn't be that. 620 00:20:43,248 --> 00:20:44,783 I don't even know what it means. 621 00:20:44,883 --> 00:20:45,984 Look. 622 00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:47,619 When I was a kid, I missed out on my confirmation. 623 00:20:47,719 --> 00:20:49,154 My mother never forgave herself. 624 00:20:49,254 --> 00:20:50,689 That's all. 625 00:20:50,789 --> 00:20:53,759 And she wanted-- well, I'm going through the whole thing for her, the whole schmear. 626 00:20:53,859 --> 00:20:57,296 Well, you mean the phone-- the phone calls, the messages, the meetings-- 627 00:20:57,396 --> 00:21:00,966 Strictly kosher, the whole thing, from every-- every angle. 628 00:21:01,066 --> 00:21:02,067 Why, even Dorothy here. 629 00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:03,602 I've known her since she's been a little kid. 630 00:21:03,702 --> 00:21:05,103 She used to go around with my brother. 631 00:21:05,204 --> 00:21:07,272 And then they split up, and she met this other fella. 632 00:21:07,372 --> 00:21:10,776 And they got married, and he turned out to be a rabbi. 633 00:21:10,876 --> 00:21:12,244 Oh, boy. 634 00:21:12,344 --> 00:21:13,445 Oh, boy. 635 00:21:13,545 --> 00:21:14,913 What a friend I've turned out to be. 636 00:21:15,013 --> 00:21:15,848 Oh. 637 00:21:15,948 --> 00:21:18,684 Boy, Rob, you don't think that-- Oh, Buddy, please. 638 00:21:18,784 --> 00:21:21,353 I feel so bad already for thinking of what I was going to accuse you of. 639 00:21:21,453 --> 00:21:23,655 Just forgive me, will you? 640 00:21:23,755 --> 00:21:26,158 Well, how could you know that I was taking bar mitzvah lessons? 641 00:21:26,258 --> 00:21:29,361 Why did you keep it such a big secret, Buddy? 642 00:21:29,461 --> 00:21:36,401 Well, it was kind of a nice thing to do, and I didn't want to ruin my reputation as a rat. 643 00:21:36,502 --> 00:21:37,970 [laughter] 644 00:21:38,070 --> 00:21:39,571 Besides, I thought you guys would kid the pants off of me. 645 00:21:39,671 --> 00:21:41,240 Well, yeah, probably. 646 00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:42,708 Why didn't you tell Pickles? 647 00:21:42,808 --> 00:21:48,247 If she knew I was doing something nice for my mother, she'd want me to do something nice for her. 648 00:21:48,347 --> 00:21:49,381 When-- when's the ceremony? 649 00:21:49,481 --> 00:21:50,315 Saturday. 650 00:21:50,415 --> 00:21:51,250 And you better be there. 651 00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:52,517 You bet. 652 00:21:52,618 --> 00:21:55,053 Well, I guess I should say, shalom, huh? 653 00:21:55,153 --> 00:21:55,821 No, no, no. 654 00:21:55,921 --> 00:21:57,189 You should say mazel tov. 655 00:21:57,289 --> 00:21:58,223 What does that mean? 656 00:21:58,323 --> 00:22:00,125 Mazel tov means congratulations. 657 00:22:00,225 --> 00:22:01,126 What did I say? 658 00:22:01,226 --> 00:22:02,094 Goodbye. 659 00:22:02,194 --> 00:22:03,028 Oh. 660 00:22:03,128 --> 00:22:03,762 Well, they both fit. 661 00:22:03,862 --> 00:22:04,696 Shalom and mazel tov. 662 00:22:04,796 --> 00:22:06,098 Let's get out of here. 663 00:22:06,198 --> 00:22:07,766 [laughter] 664 00:22:08,533 --> 00:22:10,269 [singing in hebrew] 665 00:23:00,652 --> 00:23:06,091 And now, members of the congregation, before we conclude this bar mitzvah ceremony, 666 00:23:06,191 --> 00:23:13,398 we will hear again from the individual of whom we are all especially proud today, Moshe Selig Sorrell. 667 00:23:16,268 --> 00:23:25,978 Rabbi, cantor, beloved family, mother, dear wife, very, very good friends, 668 00:23:26,078 --> 00:23:28,914 a funny thing happened to me on my way to my bar mitzvah. 669 00:23:29,014 --> 00:23:32,117 It took me 30 years to get here. 670 00:23:32,217 --> 00:23:38,623 I want you all to know how grateful I am to all of you for the love and devotion that you have shown me. 671 00:23:38,724 --> 00:23:42,928 And I want to thank the Lord for having bestowed these blessings upon me. 672 00:23:43,028 --> 00:23:49,334 And I ask for His assistance and guidance to make me worthy of them. 673 00:23:49,434 --> 00:23:54,406 Well, Mama, you waited a long time to hear this. 674 00:23:54,506 --> 00:23:55,841 Today, I am a man. 675 00:23:58,844 --> 00:24:00,912 LEON: Now, let us pray. 676 00:24:07,686 --> 00:24:09,154 Mazel tov. 677 00:24:09,254 --> 00:24:10,389 Thank you, rabbi. 678 00:24:10,489 --> 00:24:12,491 Buddy, you're the best bar mitzvah boy I ever saw. 679 00:24:12,591 --> 00:24:14,860 Well, I've been practicing for 30 years. 680 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,862 I must admit even I was a bit touched. 681 00:24:16,962 --> 00:24:18,330 You were crying, Mel. 682 00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:19,231 So were you. 683 00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:21,633 Well, I'm allowed. 684 00:24:21,733 --> 00:24:25,637 You know, rabbi, this service is the first time I've ever heard Buddy talk for 10 minutes 685 00:24:25,737 --> 00:24:27,639 without ad libbing. 686 00:24:27,739 --> 00:24:29,207 Well, why change the script? 687 00:24:29,307 --> 00:24:31,243 Those writings have held up pretty well over 5,000 years. 688 00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:33,712 Boy, I hope they made a good deal on the royalties. 689 00:24:33,812 --> 00:24:35,981 [laughter] 690 00:24:37,783 --> 00:24:42,754 [music playing] 48861

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