All language subtitles for The.Love.Nest.1923.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Is that you, honey?
Hand me a towel, dear.

- All right, wise guy. Get out of there.
- Who are you?

The last person you expected to meet.
What're you doing in my wife's bathtub?

- Your wife's? Are you nuts?
- All right.

Step out here where
I can get a sock at you.

Now look what you've done.
You woke up the baby.

The baby?
Isn't... Doesn't...

- Doesn't Mrs. Scott live here?
- No. She moved downstairs.

What's the big idea, anyway,
barging in like you own the place?

I'm sorry. Here. You better dry yourself.
You might catch cold.

- Jim!
- Connie!

- Oh!
- What's the matter?

This isn't what I planned. I was going to
be all dressed up, and just look at me.

Oh, darling,
I'm such a mess.

You're the prettiest-looking
mess I've ever seen.

Why didn't you let me know
you were coming home?

- If you want me to go away
and try it again, I'll...
- Oh, no! No.

- From now on, I'm not
letting you out of my sight.
- What's down here?

- Our apartment. It's a mess too.
- I don't understand.

- I thought you said you bought a house.
- I did. All this is ours.

I couldn't find a place to rent.
I've been looking since VE-day.

- And now we own this whole building.
- But how can we afford it?

Oh, it's mortgaged to the hilt, but we'll
have an income from the other tenants...

It's been a long time.

I can't believe you're really here.
When did you leave Paris?

I hitched a plane ride yesterday.
Thought I'd surprise you.

Oh, I was gonna surprise you too
and have the place all fixed up.
Painted and everything.

That can wait. First...

we're going
to get reacquainted.

- If you knew how much I've wanted this...
- Did you miss me?

Only 24 hours a day, every day,
for two and a half years.

- Do you really like the place, honey?
- It's wonderful.

I had all this furniture Mother left me.
It was just standing around in storage...

so I thought I'd move
some of it to the apartments.

Oh, we can do
so much with this place, Jim.

Living down here,
we'll have privacy.

That's what I used to dream about
nights, sleeping with 200 other guys.

At least you weren't lonely.

There is nothing lonelier
than being with 200 other guys.

- Oh, you want to see the bedroom?
- Naturally.

Honey, this place was such a bargain.
Mrs. Webb, the owner, was 85 years old...

and she needed
the money to get to Reno.

She'd worked out a roulette system.
Do you like it?

- Mm-hmm. Cozy.
- Originally, this was all storage space.

I had to have a wall
knocked out.

From now on you don't have to do
anything except look beautiful.

We had an awful time putting these beds
together. The frames were warped.

Nothing serious, I hope.

Her name is Suds.
At least, I think it's a she.

- Drain pipes.
- You mean every time
somebody uses the water...

Every time.

Now that I'm home, you've got
somebody to fix things like that.

It hasn't been
much fun without you.

I'll fix that too.

- You've gained a little weight.
- Oh, you.

Mm, there goes the doorbell.

- Make it go away.
- I'd better see who it is.

- We're not home.
- You're a landlord now,
and the landlord is always home.

- I found this on your front steps.
- Oh, it belongs to my husband.

Thank you, Mrs. Quigg.
Darling...

- My water's backin' up again.
- I'll call the plumber.

- Mrs. Quigg found this on the front steps.
- Oh. How-How do you do?

Thanks.

I guess you two wanna be alone, huh?

You know, that's a pretty good guess.

Good-bye.

I brought you lots of stuff from Paris.
Some perfumes, nightgowns...

- and that silk you wanted.
- Oh, well, let me see.

Everything in its own time.

- What's that?
- There's a firehouse
right down the street.

Isn't that convenient?

- Put them both in the taxi,
will you, please?
- Yes, sir.

Mr. Cummings, this place
won't be the same without you.

You're the best tenant
I ever had.

- Are you sure, Mrs. Mackey?
- Can't you tell?

Thank you. And may I add that you
are a jewel among landladies.

Thank you. It's a shame you have
to leave for Colorado so suddenly.

- Just when you're getting settled.
- Yes.

That's the curse
of my profession.

But a mining engineer
must be always on the move,
looking for new fields to conquer.

Of course. Oh, where do you want me
to forward your mail?

Dear lady, I haven't
read my mail in 20 years.

- Letter writing has become a lost art.
- Oh.

- Thank you.
- Oh, I didn't give you
the refund on your rent.

That's quite all right. You keep it
and buy something for yourself.

- Oh, but I couldn't do that...
- Please.

In memory of
the many happy hours...

I spent under your roof.

Well, I... I guess
I best be going.

I wouldn't want
to miss my train.

- Uh, Grand Central Station.
- Yes, sir.

Hurry.

- Good-bye, my dear.
- Good-bye, Mr. Cummings.

- Hurry.
- Good-bye, Mr. Cummings.

- Slow down.
- But you said you had to catch a train.

Did I?
Well, that's life, I guess.

Take me someplace where
I can check my bags.

Okay.

And then you
can drive me to, um...

337 Gramercy Place.

- Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Look, I'm not trying to start
a flirtation, but do you live here?

- Have I the pleasure
of addressing Mrs. Scott?
- Yes.

Your cat seems to have
gotten itself locked out.

No, my husband threw her out.

My name is Patterson.
Charles Kenneth Patterson.

Excelsior Rental Agency said
that if I mentioned their name,
an apartment might be available.

Oh, yes. This is my husband,
Mr. Patterson.

- How do you do?
- You're a very lucky man.

I'll be glad to show you
the apartment.

- Thank you.
- But somebody's already living up there.

I know. The McNabs. They moved
up to 3-B because they needed
more room for the baby...

- so now there's an empty
apartment on the first floor.
- Good.

I'm not through furnishing it yet.
These are just odds and ends.

You've done handsomely.
Two Hitchcock chairs...

a fine old Connecticut chest.

And that mirror.
I'd say circa 1820.

- Very rare.
- Well, these things have
been in my family for years.

Your ancestors had excellent taste.
But one would only have
to look at you to know that.

Do you collect furniture,
Mr. Patterson?

Not really. I admire it.
You see, I'm an estate appraiser.

- A what?
- When an estate
is being sold or divided...

I'm called in to evaluate
the furnishings and the objects of art.

- Must be interesting work.
- Yes, it is, but it keeps me
traveling quite a bit.

That's why I'd like a small place of
my own... some place I could call home.

One gets so tired
living in hotels.

Oh, well, the apartment
is yours, if you want it.

I was told the rent
is $56 a month.

- But what're you really asking?
- Oh, well...

- $56 a month.
- Yes.

- Mr. Scott, you have
restored my faith in humanity.

People are so greedy nowadays.
Everybody's trying to get rich at once.

- I think that's correct.
- Thank you.

- Never mind the receipt.
- Uh, speaking professionally...

- what's your opinion of this house?
- Pretty good shape for its age.

Foundation has hardly settled at all.
That proves it was built well.

Oh, may I have one of your
personal cards? For your mailbox.

Oh, yes, of course.

Let me see now.
Just a second.

- There you are.
- That's fine.

- Well, I'll be moving in tomorrow.
- Good.

- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.

- He's charming, isn't he?
- If he were 20 years younger...

I wouldn't trust him in the same room
with you unless he were in a straitjacket.

- Thank you, darling.
- You know, I'm beginning
to like this setup.

If the money keeps on rolling in like this,
I can sit home and write as I please.

That's what I figured
when I bought the house.

No more magazine stories for women
to read under the hair drier.

I got an idea for a book.
Worked it out while I was on Yank.
I can write it in six months.

I always wanted to be
married to a novelist.

Hello? Just a minute.

The feature goes on at 5:36,
and then again at 8:13.

- The break is at 7:54. You're welcome.
- What was that?

People are always dialing this number
instead of the neighborhood movie theater.

It's less trouble to keep
a copy of their schedule.

Why don't you just have the telephone
company change our number?

If we complain, they'll take our phone
out. It isn't listed in our name.

Oh. Well, it's those little touches
that make a house a home I always say.

- How much money we got in the bank?
- Oh, about $300, I think.

- Is that all?
- Well, the down payment was 4,000.

At least we're not living on our savings.
We've got our money working for us.

- What's our monthly income?
- Now that all the apartments are rented...

- we'll net about $190.
- Hey, that's not bad.

- I knew you'd be pleased.
- What do you say we take
a vacation before I get to work?

We can go on a camping trip,
make a second honeymoon out of it.

Oh. We never really
had a first one.

Well, this one will be
a double-header.

Oh, I got to call the plumber.
Mrs. Quigg's water's backing up,
and she can't use her sink.

Oh, her sink.

What do you say
I take a look at it?

You? You don't know
anything about plumbing.

You'd be surprised at the things
I picked up in the army.

I probably would. But I thought you
wanted to rest on your first day home.

That 190 a month
isn't going to go very far if we
start calling in outside talent.

- You got tools in this joint?
- Sure. Come on.

Why did you turn off
that valve in the cellar?

- That's the first thing
any smart plumber does.
- What's happened to the water?

We just shut it off a minute,
Mrs. Thompson. By the way,
this is Jim, my husband.

- How do you do?
- We could certainly use
a man around here.

But I'm broad-minded.
Next time, I wish you'd warn me.

- If I don't get my dishes done,
I'll have ants.
- I'm sorry.

- Hey.
- Oh, the water will be
right on, Mr. Hansen.

- I'd like to have you meet my husband.
- Hello.

Mm-hmm.

I have a feeling
the natives are not friendly.

They're all right
when you get to know them.

- Oh. Ed Forbes.
- What about him?

He's back from Washington. I'm supposed
to have dinner with him tonight...

but I'll call
and tell him not to come.

I'd kind of like to see
the old joker but not tonight.

Come right in.

Mr. Scott's gonna fix the drain himself.
He knows all about plumbing.

Oh, really? I admire a man
who's clever with his hands.

- Well, where's the patient?
- Patient?

Oh, in here.

Here's what happened.
Every time I turn the faucet on...

Well, that's funny.

- Well...
- The water's turned off downstairs.

Oh, you didn't have to do that.
There's a cutoff right under here.

Oh... Oh, it doesn't matter.
I'll have it fixed in no time at all.

Everybody's a plumber.

You'd better hurry, Mr. Fain.
It's flooding into the hallway.

I could have fixed it myself
if I would've had the right tools.

That's all right, dear.
He only charges $3.50 an hour.

And this is the first time
he's been here all week.

What do our operating
expenses come to?

Well, the first month, we only spent
about $60 more than we took in, but...

Only? Do you mean
we're losing money?

You always lose money
at the beginning.

The roof had to be repaired,
furnace, water heater...

But I thought you said...

I guess I'd better
forget about that novel...

and start knocking out a few stories
for the hair drier trade.

Oh, but the house will start paying
for itself any day now.

I'm gonna make sure it does.
Have you been keeping any accounts?

Mm-hmm. Now let me see.
I-I packed them away when I was moving.

Well, anyway, when you owe people money,
they always remind you about it.

- Doesn't anybody owe us money?
- Just Eadie Gaynor.
Her rent's only three days overdue.

- Well, why haven't you collected it?
- Well...

Eadie's been so friendly to me,
I kind of hate to ask her for it.

- She's a widow,
and doesn't have very much.
- Now, listen.

We're not here to make friends. Every cent
that we have is sunk in this place...

and if we're gonna put it
on a paying basis, we've got
to be firm with the tenants.

- All right.
- All right.

- You do it.
- Me?

You're the landlord, darling.

Mrs. Gaynor?
I-I'm Jim Scott.

Oh, yes.
We heard you were back.

- This is my daughter, Florence.
- How do...

- Glad to have you aboard.
- you do?

- Uh, won't you come in, Mr. Scott?
- Well, I... I...

- Oh, have a cup of tea.
- Thank you.

- Thank you for the tea.
- Drop in again.

Oh, just a minute, Mr. Scott.

- I keep forgetting to bring this down.
- What is it?

- Our rent check.
- Oh, is your rent due now?

I-I didn't know.
I'm-I'm new here.

I'll bet he didn't know.

- How's it goin'?
- Oh, don't worry, pal. We'll cut corners.

Try to hold it down. Yeah, the whole
thing shouldn't run you more than...

Well, let's see. Well.

Don't worry.

It certainly took you
long enough.

- Did you get the rent?
- That? Oh, sure. I just said...

"By the way, old girl,
the monthly gouge is a trifle overdue...

so if you'll kick in..."

- This check is dated three days ago.
- It is?

- That's what a man wants
from his wife... encouragement.

Oh! George is waiting to help you move
the rest of Mr. Patterson's furniture.

Oh, no. Now look, I've had
a hard war and I... Who's George?

Mrs. Thompson's son.
He's been a great help to me.

This is not the way I planned on
spending my first evening home.

- Hiya. Did you have
a nice time in the army?
- I'm beginning to think so.

- You can start with the davenport.
- Better grab that end.

Ready?

Your end is dragging.

I could've handled this stuff alone,
but since my dropped kidney...

the doctor says
I gotta baby myself.

All right. All right.
I can do without the small talk.

Keep... movin'.

Pardon me, lady. Can you help
an unemployed dollar-a-year man?

- Ed.
- How are you, honey?

I got your message so I decided
to come anyway. Where's Jim?

Oh, don't bother him.
He's busy.

You must give me the name of your
decorator. I'm trying to break my lease.

- I know the place isn't
very elegant, but it...
- Oh, I think it's charming.

Put a small beer on the corner,
a guy with a derby on the stool...

and you're in business
as a dive.

- Look, Ed, about dinner...
- Thanks, I'd love to stay.

- What's Jim doing?
- He'll be right down.

- Oh!
- Welcome home. What else is new?

- Hey!
- Sorry, Mac. We picked up two hours ago.

- But I overslept.
- Try again next week.

Take my bags up
to apartment 1-A.

Uh-uh. I'll take this.
Good morning, Mr. Scott.

- Good morning.
- May I trouble you for my key?

- No trouble at all.
- You're a born landlord.

That's just a pose. Strictly between us,
I come from a long line of tenants.

- Good morning, Mr. Patterson.
- Ah, good morning, Mrs. Scott.

Ah, you look like
the veritable breath of spring.

Well, thank you.
Did you hear that?

- Mm-hmm.
- My husband is a writer,
but he never talks to me like that.

I should squander my dialogue
on an audience of one?

Well, if you run short, Mr. Scott,
I'd be glad to lend you some of mine.

You see, I've been everywhere,
seen everything, heard everything...

and I don't believe
I've forgotten a thing.

Thank you. Good day.

Well, what're you
all dressed up for?

If you're settling down to work,
I think I'll go shopping.

I have to get material for curtains,
and throw rugs, and...

Hey, whoa. Wait a minute.
I haven't sold anything yet.

Oh, this is the first chance I've had
to get away from the house.

Let me see now.
What did I do with my wallet?

Last time I wore my brown shantungs,
so it should be in my brown suede bag.

Unless it's in my green one.

- Good morning, Eadie.
- Oh, good morning, Connie.

Allow me.

Thank you.
Oh, one more, please. See.

Oh.

- You're very kind.
- Oh, it's nothing.

On second thought,
you can skip the cigarettes.

I think we have enough at home.
My husband smokes too much, anyway.

- Make up your mind, will ya?
- Oh, Mr. Patterson.
I see you two have met.

- Well, not exactly.
- Mrs. Gaynor is your next-door neighbor.

Making it a very
desirable neighborhood.

- She's also the best cook in the house.
- Oh, now, really.

Please, Mrs. Gaynor, don't be modest.
That's an accomplishment to be proud of.

You know, I often think that
half the troubles in this world
are caused by bad cooking.

Well, I really haven't bothered much
since my husband died.

No fun cooking unless you
have someone to cook for.

How true.
How definitely true.

I guess I'd better get back and fix
Jim's lunch. He's been alone
in the house all morning.

Working on a story.

- Hey, kid.
- Yeah?

- You collect scrap?
- Nah.

Why don't you start now?
Make yourself some dough, huh?

- Maybe you got somethin' there.
- There you are. That-a-boy.

Well, see you around, Mac.

Nobody could tell this
wasn't a professional job.

It feels good to be doing something
constructive around here for a change.

First chance I get, I'm gonna paint
that fence and all the woodwork.

- Oh, how nice.
- Hi, Eadie.

Oh, Connie, have you seen
Mr. Patterson around?

No. Not since yesterday.

Oh. I passed his door a couple times,
and I thought I heard him sneezing.

There's a lot of pollen
in the air.

Sounds more like
pneumonia to me.

I hate to think of the poor man in there
all alone with no one to take care of him.

Well, why don't you
knock on his door?

Oh, no, that wouldn't
look right.

But I thought if
the landlord called on him...

All right.

Come in.

Are you all right,
Mr. Patterson?

Do I look all right?
I feel miserable.

Why, Patterson,
what happened to you?

Nothing. Just this
invigorating spring...

- weather.
- Oh, that's a shame.

- Can I get you a cup of tea?
- Oh, don't bother, Connie.

I've already got the kettle on.
How about some toast?
And maybe a bowl of soup? Huh?

Thank you, Mrs. Gaynor. I knew the moment
I met you you were an angel of mercy.

- Let me
straighten your pillows.
- Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Oh? Would you like a mustard plaster?

- Mrs. Gaynor, you mustn't coddle me.
- There goes the mailman.

Men are such babies
when they're sick.

I remember how my husband always
made me rub his back with alcohol.

You wouldn't take advantage of me
in my condition, would you, Mrs. Gaynor?

- I wish you'd call me Eadie.
- I shall.

And I shall call you
Cynara, Lilith...

Cleopatra, Helen of Troy.

I take four lumps
of sugar in my tea.

Our first letter.

Goody, goody.
What is it?

A bill from the plumber.

Doesn't that mailman
ever bring anything except bills?

This tax assessment
just about cleans us out.

Well, I think it's unfair the way
the city charges us all those taxes.

What did they ever
do for us?

Well, they do provide us
with a fire station.

Come in!

- Hiya, Charley.
- Hi.

I just dropped in
to return these.

Oh, did you enjoy the opera,
Mr. Patterson?

I know Eadie did.
That's why I took her.

- Oh, you aren't a fan yourself?
- Well, I'm at a peculiar
disadvantage at the opera.

I understand every word they're singing.

That's just the touch this room needed...
Dutch curtains.

Well, I have
a very talented wife.

Do you mind my asking,
what are you writing, Mr. Scott?

It's a story about a landlord who goes
berserk and murders all of his tenants.

Oh, he's kidding.
It's really a story about Paris.

You know, I've often thought that maybe
my experiences might make a good book.

That is, if I could find a real
professional writer to whip it into shape.

Well, when you do, I'd...
I'd like to read it.

So would a lot of people. But I doubt
if any publisher would even touch it.

I guess you have led
a pretty full life.

Please don't make it past tense.
I'm not through yet.

Do you happen to know the brand
of perfume Miss Gaynor uses?

- Florence?
- Mm-hmm. I'm leaving tomorrow
on a business trip...

and I'd like to bring
something back for Florence.

I know what to bring Eadie,
but the younger set...

- Oh, I can find out for you.
- Would you do that?

- Thank you so much. Good night, Jim.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Wow.

When a man starts buying presents
for a woman's daughter
it looks a little serious.

It's a romance, all right. Eadie's had
him to dinner three nights this week...

- and he took her out twice.
- How do you know all these things?

- Everybody confides in the landlady.
- Hm.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Got any 50-cent haircuts
for a dollar and a quarter?

- The specialty of the house.
- Hi there, James boy.

- Hello, Charley.
- You're next up.

Thank you.
Getting overhauled for your trip?

Yeah, kind of slack there
around the edges.

- Oh, Jim.
- What?

- Did your wife get a chance
to talk to Florence?
- Oh, yeah.

She uses "Flaming Passion." But what
she'd really like is something called...

"You Can't Take It With You," only she
hasn't courage enough to buy it herself.

I'm beginning to believe
that girl has hidden depths.

Do you want a high polish
or a dull finish?

My dear, I don't think anything you'd
start could possibly have a dull finish.

What do you want done with
your mail while you're gone?

Oh, Jim, I never write letters, and I
don't encourage anyone to write me.

You know, I heard you can get
in trouble using the mail.

Would you like
a facial massage?

Well, it won't do any good, but it may
give me confidence. Go ahead!

McNabs just bought a house
of their own. Suckers.

Ah, Mrs. McNab. We were just saying
how we hate to see you leave.

- We're gonna miss you too.
- Say good-bye to the nice man, Jeffrey.

Go ahead.

- Oh, he's sleepy.
- Oh, he never talks when you want him to.

Well, I've got to get on
with my packing. Good-bye.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

Good-bye.

- Good morning, ladies.
- Good morning, Mr. Patterson.

How's your rheumatism today,
Mrs. Thompson?

Well, if some young fellow was to ask me
to go dancing, I wouldn't say no.

Oh, Mrs. Quigg. That's a perfectly
delightful outfit you have on.

- I hoped you'd notice it.
- I have.

He's sure got all the women
around here acting like schoolgirls.

They love it.
What did the army want from you?

- They're trying to make me pay
for a blanket I lost.
- Oh.

By the way, I think I have a tenant
for the empty apartment.

While I was there, I met somebody
I knew who's desperate for a place.

I'm sorry, but I just phoned the agency,
and they're sending a woman over.

- Tell her it's rented.
- No. That wouldn't be fair.

I know we oughta give
preference to veterans,
but since I promised to show it, I...

This is someone I owe a favor.
I don't remember if I wrote
about Corporal Stevens...

- Mrs. Scott?
- Yes?

- I'm Mrs. Arnold.
- Oh, you're here about the apartment.

- This is my husband.
- Hello.

Well, right this way.

Let me do all the talking.

Now take good care of yourself, Charley.
And don't catch any more cold.

All right, Eadie. But with you
nursing me, it's a pleasure to be ill.

Will you write to me
and let me know how things are going?

I'll do better than that.
I'll phone you every day.

Oh, Charley.

- Good-bye, my dear.
- Good-bye.

It's just what
I've been looking for.

- Don't you think
the rent's a little high?
- Oh, no, it's very reasonable.

- Of course, if you don't mind
climbing two flights of stairs.
- The place I live now has four.

I'm sure you can do
better somewhere else.
This place is cold in the winter...

- and the neighbors...
- No, I think I'm going
to be very happy here.

- Who's that man who just went out?
- Patterson. One of our tenants.

- Are you sure his name is Patterson?
- Uh-huh.

- Why shouldn't it be?
- He looks like someone
I used to know in Cincinnati.

Excuse me.

I could have sworn
that was Paul Chapman.

Do you know if he was
in Cincinnati about 12 years ago?

Oh, we don't even know
where he was last week.

- I only wish I'd brought
my glasses with me.
- About the apartment...

- Oh, I... I think we'd better forget it.
- Oh, you do?

I couldn't bear to live under
the same roof with someone
who reminded me so much of Paul.

- Thanks for all your trouble.
- That's perfectly all right.

You know, I have a funny feeling about
Mr. Patterson, kind of a premonition.

I'm glad I'm not married to a woman
with a suspicious nature.

- I guess you can call your
friend about the apartment.
- All right.

You oughta know something about our new
tenant. Bobby was my colonel's driver...

I'm sure anybody who was in the army
with you is all right.

- But, Connie...
- I wonder if his name
really is Patterson?

- Do you know where that goes?
- Don't worry, lady.

- We've been delivering coal
to this place for 10 years.
- But I was just...

Now, don't you dare touch this fence.
My husband just painted it.

Big deal.

Pardon me.

Are you the janitor's wife?

No. I'm the landlord's wife.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Scott.
I had no idea.

My name is Roberta Stevens.
Jim just called me about the apartment.

Well, there must be some mistake.
My husband's renting it to somebody
he knew in the army.

That's me. I was a WAC. Jim and I
were stationed in Paris together.

Just a minute.

So, you were saving that apartment
for an old war buddy, huh?

- Oh, is Bobby here?
- Why didn't you tell me it was a girl?

- I tried to, but you
wouldn't give me a chance.
- You didn't try very hard.

Oh, now look, Bobby...

Uh, Roberta did an awful lot for me, and
this is the least I can do to repay her.

- For what?
- Well, if it weren't for her,
I might still be overseas.

She got the colonel to dig up
a replacement for me and pulled strings...

so I got on a plane
instead of a transport.

Well, couldn't we show
our gratitude from a distance?

Well, you wouldn't discriminate against
a veteran just because of sex, would you?

- Say, remember the night
I drove you to the airport?
- Uh-huh.

Well, on the way back to Paris, I hit
a hay wagon. You never saw such a mess.

Took me days to get
the straw out of my hair.

None of the girls would believe me
when I told them how it happened.

Stop it! Stop.
You've got the wrong window.

- Don't you want it in the storage bin?
- No, that's not the storage bin.

- It's the bedroom. I made it over.
- Yeah? How does it look?

Oh, you've just ruined
my bedspread and my rugs...

- You should've confided in us, lady.
- Oh!

Well, that about does it.
Those eggheads.

Say, have you seen my toolbox?
Bobby's window is jammed.

You're certainly going out of your way
to make the new tenant feel at home.

Well, that's part of
my job as the landlord.

I thought we were going to run
this house on a business-like basis...

- and not get too friendly
with the tenants.
- Mrs. Scott, you're jealous.

You bet I am. When I think
of all the people you've known
in the last couple of years...

who've spent more time
with you than your own wife...

We have a whole lifetime
to make up for that.

Hey, don't we have
an anniversary long about now?

- I don't like to point,
but it's tomorrow.
- Well, that's perfect timing.

I'll have my story finished by then,
and we can go out and celebrate...

I wonder where
I put that toolbox.

- Mr. Scott?
- Yes.

My name is Gray,
Federal Bureau of Investigation.

- Oh. Uh, come in. This is Mrs. Scott.
- How do you do?

- How do you do? Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

Look, if it's about that army blanket
I checked out and didn't return...

I'm afraid that's a little
out of my line.

I just want to ask you a few routine
questions about one of your tenants...

a Mr. Charles K. Patterson.

- Is there something wrong?
- No. No. This is just a routine inquiry.

- How long has he been living here?
- Oh, about 10 days.

- Do you know where he is at the moment?
- No, he's on a business trip.

- What's Mr. Patterson
supposed to have done?
- To tell you the truth...

we don't know that he's done
anything, and we don't like
to arouse your suspicions.

You see, we get dozens
of tips like this every day.

Many of them prove worthless but
we've got to run them all down.

Now, when do you expect
Mr. Patterson back?

He didn't say.

Does he seem
to be... prosperous?

Well, he carries quite a roll.
Income tax?

Sorry, I'm not at liberty to discuss
the reason for our investigation.

Oh, Mr. Gray, this is very important.
Is he dangerous?

Don't alarm yourself. If Mr. Patterson
is the man we're looking for...

and I'm not saying he is, you're
in absolutely no danger, Mrs. Scott.

Look, you can tell me.
What have you got on this guy?

Well, if we had anything on him, I
wouldn't be asking you these questions.

- Is there something we can do to help?
- Yes, yes, there is.

- Just forget I was here. Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

You see? My hunch about
Mr. Patterson was right.

Oh, it's probably back taxes or maybe
they got a crank call from that woman...

who mistook him for somebody
she knew in Cincinnati.

- What makes you think
Mrs. Arnold was mistaken?
- You heard what she said.

She hadn't even seen this guy in 12 years
and didn't have her glasses with her.

No, I still think there's
something peculiar about him.

I wish I knew what he carries
around in that briefcase.

What suddenly turned you against
Charley? I thought you liked him.

I never trust men who are too charming.
That's why I married you.

Hmm.

T-H-E E-N-D.

- Can I read it?
- Well, there's a couple
of facts I want to check, but...

So do I. I'm just curious to know
what you did while you were in Paris.

The best man cometh.
Happy anniversary.

You're a day early, Ed.

- I didn't want to crowd you
tomorrow night.
- Oh, champagne!

Don't just stand there, boy. Get out
those hollow-stemmed glasses. I got it.

- You got what?
- A present for you from your wife
which you can pay me for later.

You can open it now
if you want, honey.

I'll never forget how
you looked on your wedding day.

I've always wanted to do my living room
in that shade of green.

Oh, this is absolutely
beautiful! What is it?

- Tropical hammock.
Certified 100% war surplus.
- I thought it would make up...

- for that camping trip we couldn't take.
- Thank you, dear.

You can put it in the backyard and
imagine we're in the Maine woods.

Won't take much imagination. That grass
hasn't been cut out there in months.

Anyone for champagne?

It doesn't seem like we've been married
for three years, does it?

That's because you haven't been working
at it, or at least not in the same place.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- And cheers, Ed.

- Mm...
- That's good.

I wanted
to ask you something...

What's the name of that caf� in Paris
where the existentialists don't hang out?

I haven't been to Paris
since I was nine...

- and my mother never let me
out of her sight for a moment.
- Maybe Roberta would know.

Why so formal?
You mean Bobby, don't you?

Say, what is this? Do I detect
a note of dissension? A family rift?

- Guess who came to stay at our house?
An old flame of Jim�s.
- She is not an old flame.

- Just because we were on
the same side during the war...
- A WAC?

- Yeah, it was a big army.
- And you moved her
into the house? Shocking!

Did you collect
the first month's rent from her?

Uh, no, no.
It slipped my mind.

You'll probably have to
wrestle her for it.

Sounds like a thoroughly disreputable
young lady. How soon can I meet her?

If you wanna come over some afternoon...

- and help me clean up the yard, why...
- Pardon me.

- Oh, hello, Mrs. Scott.
I brought you the rent.
- Thank you.

- It seems strange giving money
to a man you know.
- I'll bet it does.

In case you didn't catch
my name, I'm Ed Forbes.

Oh, yes. I've heard a lot about you
from Jim. You're a lawyer, aren't you?

I, uh, practice before the bar,
also behind it. Can I offer you
some wine of the country?

I'd love it. If there's one thing I have
a weakness for, it's champagne.

If there's one thing I've a weakness for,
it's girls who have a weakness.

- What're you celebrating?
- Our wedding anniversary.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, all the time we were overseas,
Jim talked of nothing but you.

That must have
been pretty dull.

Oh, no. Jim can make
anything interesting.

I'm sure Miss Stevens is just the person
to refresh your memory about Paris.

Oh, yeah. Say, Bobby...
Uh, Roberta...

do you remember the name
of that caf� just down the street
from the, uh, Deux Magots?

Not offhand, but I could
look it up in my diary.

Could I peer over your shoulder? It's
been so long since I've read a good book.

Tell me, Miss Stevens,
what did you do before the war?

The same thing
I'm doing now. Modeling.

Oh. Then you're not
a professional soldier.

- Your wife has a great sense of humor.
- Yes.

Your humorous wife
needs another drink.

It's always been my ambition
to get hold of a surplus WAC.

By the way,
I'm having some people in
for a housewarming tomorrow night.

I'd like you all to come.

- Sure thing.
- Have you forgotten, dear?

- We're going out
to dinner tomorrow night.
- I'm available.

Well, I think I'd better be going.
I've hardly unpacked yet.

Do you mind if I come along and help?
Three hands are better than two.

Thanks for the drink.

He's walking
right into a trap.

Yeah, but look at the bait.

- This place is awfully expensive.
- Oh, well, you only live once.

At these prices, you couldn't afford
to live more than once.

- That story of mine ought to be
worth at least 750 bucks.
- Is that what your agent said?

No. Barney hasn't read it yet,
but he said he'd call me
as soon as he does.

Look!

- Look at what?
- I just saw Mr. Patterson
dancing by with a blonde.

Oh, this thing is beginning
to affect your mind.

Here he comes again.

I thought he was supposed
to be out of town on business.

- He probably came in to have
dinner with his client.
- Some client.

She looks like the type that
just inherited a fat estate.

- Let's dance.
- Aw, I'm hungry.

This is more important.
Come on.

You know, it's amazing what a clever
girl can do with an old parachute.

You have
a very romantic voice.

Untrained, of course. Like the thrush
warbling his native woodnotes wild.

You better let me lead.

Are you through
playing private eye?

That makes at least three women in his
life, including Mrs. Arnold and Eadie.

He must be some kind
of a bluebeard.

There's only one thing wrong
with your theory. All those women
are alive and healthy.

It's Eadie I'm worried about. Suppose
he's already married? Excuse me, darling.

Where are you going?

Please, sir.

Oh, now that we've worked up an appetite,
what would you like, my dear?

You order for both of us.

- I'd be delighted. We'll have,
uh, prosciutto with melon.
- With melon.

Lobster bisque.

Chateaubriand
with sauce b�arnaise.

Pomme souffl�.
And braised endive.

- Am I going too fast for you?
- Oh, not at all, sir.

Would you care for
some champagne with that?

- Anything you say.
- Champagne is for peasants.

- I prefer the, uh, Chambertin.
- Excellent choice, sir.

May I suggest the 1934, sir?

You may indeed.

I do admire a man who knows
how to order in a restaurant.

I was a headwaiter myself one time.
That was the summer
my dad and I had a fight...

- and he cut off my allowance.
- Oh, really?

And from there, you went on to make
your first million in the oil business.

Please. Tonight, I want to forget
all about the drab world of commerce.

And in the words of
an old Persian tent maker...

"All I ask of life are a jug of wine,
a loaf of bread and thou."

And I've already
ordered the first two.

You must've met a lot of
beautiful women in your career.

I may say that I have known
all the great beauties of our time.

But the calendar
never really started...

until the day I met you.

Did you overhear anything?

I couldn't catch any words, but he's
really giving her the old candy.

I don't know what Charley's got,
but I wish I could bottle it.
We'd make a fortune.

There's just one thing I can't figure out.
What does he want from Eadie?

He can't be after her money.
She hasn't got any.

- Aha!
- Oh, you ordered. Looks good.

It should be.
All the retired truck drivers eat here.

We really ought to tell
Eadie what we saw.

Now don't start mixing in the affairs of
our tenants. It's none of our business.

Do you want to go up
to Roberta's for a minute?

She has the place
warm enough without us.

That sounds like our phone.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Barney.
How'd you like the story?

What do you mean it won't sell? It's
as good as anything I've ever written.

Well, aren't you even gonna submit it?
Maybe I'd better get myself a new agent.

All right. All right. I'll drop up
to your office tomorrow morning.

- What makes him a critic?
- Oh, he's right. The story's no good.

Then you'll write
another one that's better.

In this madhouse?
How can I concentrate when there's
a new crisis every five minutes?

I can't even sit down
to write my name without...

What's the matter with those lights?

I wonder if I paid
the light bill last month.

- This is a fine time to think about that.
- I'm sure I did.

I'll check the fuse box.

Oh, be careful!

She can see in the dark.
I can't.

I guess I'd better go
and calm the tenants down.

Hey, what's with the lights?

It's all right, Mrs. Thompson.
My husband's fixing them.

Well, tell him to hurry up. I'm missing
the best part of Gabriel Heatter.

That's quite a party
they're having up there.

They've been running all over the house,
borrowing ice cubes.

Oh. Eadie, have you heard
anything from Mr. Patterson?

- Mm-hmm. He called me
this afternoon from Baltimore.
- Baltimore?

Mm-hmm. He said his business was
going much better than he expected...

and he hopes to be home
in a couple of days.

Well, do you know if he's
ever been married?

Oh, yes, but his wife died
a long time ago.

Well, good night.

I can't understand it.
I only had three or four.

It was terrible.
All of a sudden everything
went black right in front of my eyes.

- I must be going blind.
- Probably a vitamin deficiency.

- Can you find your way
home alone, old pal?
- Point me in the right direction.

No. No. This way.
This way. There we are.

- That kid needs radar.
- How are you making out with Roberta?

- Just coasting. Wait till the next round.
- That isn't a fuse box.

It's a slot machine.
I took out four pennies and a nickel.

Oh, Jim, guess what Eadie just told...

- Good morning.
- Mm-hmm.

- We expected you yesterday.
- We don't make this type
of glass anymore, lady.

- We had to order it special for you.
- Oh.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Eadie.

My, you're certainly brightening
the place up. House hasn't looked
this good in 20 years.

Jim doesn't like to admit it,
but he's getting a big kick out of this.

Oh, excuse me.

- Hello, my dear.
- How was the trip?

Oh, wonderful.
Just wonderful.

- Did everything work out
all right for you?
- Yes. I was quite successful.

- Hello, Mrs. Scott.
- Welcome back.

Thank you. Thank you.
Just a second.

Mm! It's lovely out here.
Just lovely.

Always wanted to own
a piece of land.

There must've been a hot time here
the night Coolidge was elected.

Jim, your friend Charley
is back from his business trip.

Do you think we oughta
notify the F.B. I?

- What for? Mr. Gray said to forget it.
- Who's Charley?

He's one of our tenants, and Connie
is convinced he's a master criminal...

- or at least a polygamist.
- Well, Ed, you're a lawyer.

Let me put the evidence to you.
Suppose somebody moved into the house...

- and a few days later...
- Where's the owner of this place?

- I'm Mr. Scott.
- Department of Housing and Building.

I'd like to inspect
the premises.

Yeah. Sure.
Right through here.

Why don't you slip into
something comfortable and join us?

Well, I wouldn't wanna give the boys
too much inspiration. Excuse me.

- What do you say
we have dinner together?
- Wonderful. Where?

Oh, someplace where we don't have
to dress... like your apartment.

- When did you buy this place?
- Last month.

I see the violation
still hasn't been corrected.

- What violation?
- This violation.

You not only got exposed wiring...
which is illegal...

but the wires
are defective too.

This house is a fire hazard.

- You've been here before?
- We took the previous owner
to court twice.

The last time, she was fined and given
30 days to correct the violation.

- The deadline was a week ago.
- We didn't know anything about it.

Mrs. Webb never
mentioned it to me.

Well, the law is very clear on that point.
Caveat emptor... let the buyer beware.

You mean
we're responsible now?

Well, unless the wiring is
replaced immediately, hm...

we'll have to condemn
the building.

No wonder she was so anxious
to unload this place on you.

I'm sorry, darling.
I had no idea.

Well, under those circumstances,
I feel sure we can give you
a 15-day extension.

I'll take it up
with the department.

What if we can't
pay for the job?

Our problem is to keep you safe,
not solvent. You'll hear from me later.

I've heard enough
from you already.

- Can they really condemn the place?
- If it doesn't burn down first.

I think I'll ask
Ed's advice on it.

Oh, Mr. Scott. Mother would like you and
Connie to have dinner with us tonight.

- Thanks, but I'm not hungry.
- It's a sort of welcome-home
party for Mr. Patterson.

Thank you.
Tell her we'll be there.

- Wait till you see the present
he bought Mother.
- Oh.

- Isn't it beautiful?
- May you wear it
in good health, Eadie.

- Ain't that something?
- And it's a watch too.

It don't look
very practical to me.

I make it a rule never to be practical
where women are concerned.

It's much
too expensive, Charley.

When they start tryin' to save
your money for you, look out.

- George!
- I'm satisfied. I've been around
a little longer than you have.

- More coffee?
- No, thank you.

Say, Charley, have you ever had dinner
at a place called Pierrot's?

In my time, I think I've eaten
at every good restaurant in
every major city in the world.

Including Cincinnati?

I don't particularly recall
Cincinnati for its food...

What's the matter, Jim?
You're so quiet tonight.

- I've, uh, got a lot of things
to be quiet about.
- Really?

Why don't you try some of this?
This is guaranteed to make you
jump right out of yourself.

That's one thing I'll say for
my old man... he never touched a drop.

You must have had a very
dull life, Mrs. Thompson.

Well, shall we tell them?

Ladies and gentlemen,
course, I realize that...

you've all known Eadie
much longer than I...

and there's no need
in telling you what...

a dear, sweet
and considerate person she is.

And having just concluded
a profitable business transaction...

I've finally summoned up
enough courage to ask Eadie...

to give me
her hand in marriage.

And I'm proud and happy to say
that she has accepted me.

- Well, congratulations. George.
- Give me a kiss, honey.

I don't know what you could
be thinking of, Eadie, at your age.

It's only after 40 that two
people can offer each other...

- the devotion of a lifetime and mean it.
- Connie...

- don't you have anything to say?
- I just hope you're not
going to rush into this.

Don't forget,
you're only old once.

But after all, what do you
really know about each other?

Oh, as much
as we need to know.

We plan to leave tomorrow
and get married in a lovely little spot
that I found in Maryland.

And after our honeymoon, we're coming
back here and live in my apartment.

You mean I can have
this place to myself?

- Yes.
- Well, that should help.

I think a toast is apropos.

This is by John Webster.

"Is not old wine
the wholesomest...

"old pippins the toothsomest...

"old wood burns the brightest...

"old linen wash the whitest?

"Old soldiers,
sweetheart, surest?

Old lovers are soundest."

Now, this is just
an estimate, mind you.

- But I figure the job will
cost about 800 bucks.
- 800?

Well, we have to rip out all the old
wiring and put in new conduits.

That means breaking into
the walls and replastering.

Then we have to replace the light
fixtures, switches and wall sockets.

- Hey, maybe 800 isn't enough.
- Thanks. We'll let you know
what we decide.

In the meantime, don't miss
any payments on your fire insurance.

Hey, Mac, did you call for a cab?

No, I didn't, Mac!

Weddings always
make me cry!

They ain't married yet.

- I'll see you in about a week.
- Take all the time you need.

Come on, darling.
We're late. Now come, dear.

Good-bye. Bye! Bye!

I wish I could be going on
a honeymoon when I'm his age.

- Why wait that long?
- Huh?

Poor Eadie. Now we may
never see her again.

- What are you talking about?
- Running off like that
with a perfect stranger...

who's been carrying on
behind her back.

He's probably wanted by the police.
How do we know if he even
intends to marry her?

We have other things
to worry about.

- What did the electrician say?
- His estimate is 800 bucks...

which is 800 bucks more
than we've got.

- What are we gonna do?
- We can always convert to candlelight.

- It's more romantic that way.
- No. I mean seriously.

Seriously? There's only one thing
to do... sell the house.

Sell it?
Oh, no. We couldn't.

It's better
than having it condemned.

But after all the trouble
I went through getting it.

We've had nothing
but trouble ever since.

Oh, we can raise
the money somehow.

Honey, I just told you.
We're broke.

Or to use a fine, old Latin phrase,
caveat emptor...

the cupboard is bare.

I'll sell the furniture.
Some of these pieces are valuable.

You'll do nothing of the kind.
We're not going to sleep on the floor...

just so we can have
a roof over our heads.

If you don't care enough
about the house to hang on to it...

if you're gonna give up
the first time we have a problem...

Next month something else'll go wrong,
and we'll wind up hawking our clothes
and the typewriter.

We might as well get our money
out of it while we still can.

Oh, just when I was getting this place
fixed up to look like a real home.

I know. I know. I appreciate
what you were trying to do with it.

But this is
"Operation Rathole."

For three years I saved
my pay and sent it home to you
so we could build up a nest egg.

And what have we got
to show for it?

Well, I like that.
What did I do with the money?

Buy mink coats?
Go to nightclubs?

I put every cent into this house
so you could have a place
to write in peace and quiet.

Now, now...

Hello.

No, we do not
have a midnight show!

- Well, if it isn't the newlyweds.
- Oh, hello, Mabel.

Hello, Eadie.
How was your honeymoon?

Mrs. Quigg, we have both
been married before.

Nice to see you. Come on, dear.

Oh, Charley, look.

Oh, no.

Do you want to look at
some more apartments tomorrow?

What's the use, honey?
We can't afford any of those deals...

pay for redecorating,
buy the furniture...

slip 'em a thousand bucks
for the key.

Now maybe you're beginning
to see what I was up against.

It's people like that that
give the profession a bad name.

If you're gonna sell the house
out from under me, we have
to find someplace to move to.

- Hello, Charley.
You all married and everything?
- And everything.

- Good evening, Mrs. Scott.
- Good evening. Did you bring
Eadie back with you?

Naturally.

I hear you're
selling the place.

If we can find somebody
to buy it.

I'd feel terribly sorry
to see you leave.

- We may not go very far...
just out to the sidewalk.

How much money would it take to get you
out of your present difficulty?

We got to rewire the place,
and that's gonna cost 800 bucks.

Is that all?

Well, you can say good-bye
to your worries.

Oh... Oh, no. W-We couldn't
take money from you.

Now, I'll have no arguments.

We'll just call this
my advanced rent.

But that's gonna pay you up
for more than a year...

and we don't expect
to be here that long.

But you can't sell the place
without replacing the wiring.

- That wouldn't be honest.
- But I still don't think that we should...

Please don't deny me
the pleasure of helping you.

I know how tough it is to be young.
I can remember.

Besides, Eadie and I have a... well,
a sentimental attachment for this place.

It's the first real home
I've had of my own in years.

I wouldn't care to be evicted.

I can sign a note
for the money.

My boy, have we come to the point
where we have to put it on paper?

Just a shake of your hand
is enough for me.

Thanks, Charley.

And I'll be getting back
to the bride.

Why did you let him force it
on you like that?

Well, we're... We're obviously not gonna
unload this place before the deadline.

But I don't like it. How do we know
where Charley gets his money?

Uh-oh.
Playin' hunches again.

You're the girl who thought he was gonna
bring Eadie back in a trunk, remember?

Well, anyway, I-I still think
we'll get an offer.

We haven't so far.

And if the place is condemned,
we lose everything.

- How do you do?
- Good evening.

My name is Knowland. I have a real
estate business in the neighborhood.

- Oh, come in, Mr. Knowland.
- Thank you.

I noticed your sign outside.
I was wondering if I could list the place.

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, I'm a little surprised to
see it offered for sale so soon again.

- What're you asking for it?
- Just what we paid... 22,000.

Twenty-two...
For this dog?

Why, it was offered to me
only a few months ago for 17-5.

My wife knows a real bargain
when she sees one.

- But we've made improvements and we...
- Now you can't fool me...

just by slapping
a coat of paint on the outside.

No, this is a sick house.

If you decide to come down in price,
let me know. Good-bye.

Good evening.

All right.
Maybe I made a mistake.

Something tells me we're never
gonna get rid of this place.

We're just gonna be stuck with it,
sinking deeper into debt every year.

Well, it wasn't my idea
to go into debt.

How did I ever get into
this rat race anyway?

There I was, a happy guy...
money in the bank...

planning a second honeymoon.

Now look at me... a hounded creature
facing bankruptcy.

And for what? To support
a broken-down house in its old age.

Well, you make it sound as though
I deliberately set out to ruin you.

Trouble is you didn't
deliberate enough.

If you knew all the trouble I went
to trying to find us a place to live...

tramping the streets
day after day...

while you were running
around Paris with Roberta.

I was not running around
Paris with Roberta!

You never mentioned her
in your letters. That proves you
were trying to hide something.

Oh, now you're arguing
just like a woman.

I never claimed
to be anything else.

If there'd been anything
between Roberta and me...

do you think I would have
let her move into the house?

Oh, I see. You would have
kept her a secret from me.

Oh, how did we ever get
started on this subject?

I might have known what to expect after
reading all those magazine articles.

What magazine articles?

They said returning servicemen
would have a difficult time
trying to readjust themselves.

They'd be full of neuroses.

So you think I'm missing
a few buttons, do you?

You certainly haven't
been acting normally.

All you've done since
you came home is criticize.

That's fine. That's just dandy
to have your own wife...

tell you you're ready
for the booby hatch.

Jim, I've tried to be understanding, even
when you were completely unreasonable.

- But I'm not gonna go on
humoring you forever.
- You won't have to.

- Now where are you going?
- Maybe you'll feel safer
if I spend the night outside.

- Oh, but you'll freeze to death.
- You can't expect me to behave
rationally in my condition.

Get out of here. Go away.

Go away. Go away.

Good morning, Suds.

Sleep well?

Yes.

I-I-I mean, no.
I was, uh...

I was just...

My hammock broke down.

Roberta's apartment was empty. She was
away over the weekend on a modeling job.

Never mind about that now.
Look at this.

- So what?
- That's the same woman we saw
Charley having dinner with.

How can you tell?
She's only got half a face.

The description of the man who swindled
her sounds exactly like Charley.

- You're jumping to conclusions.
- They're jumping at me. Listen.

"Mrs. Frazier met the dignified
old gentleman at a swank hotel...

"where he was registered
as Peter Chadwick.

"After a whirlwind courtship, during
which he showered her with gifts...

"Mr. Chadwick proposed marriage.

"He also offered to invest part of
her capital in his alleged enterprises.

"The attractive widow
turned over $12,000 to her fianc�...

"and that was the last
she saw of him.

After waiting a week,
she notified the police."

That's the big business deal
that Charley pulled off.

There's probably some simple
explanation for the whole thing.

- Let's go downstairs.
- And how do you explain this?

"From the man's method of operation,
the police have concluded that he is...

"the notorious Charley Price,
who is wanted on similar charges
in seven states.

"Over the past 15 years he has defrauded
scores of gullible women...

of a reputed
half million dollars."

- Poor Eadie.
- Confidence men don't go around
marrying penniless widows...

and lending money
to strangers.

- All right. We'll give him
a chance to prove himself.
- Yeah, let's do it right now.

Oh, I wondered where you
disappeared to.

I know what you're thinking,
but you could be wrong too.

I don't care where you spent
last night or any other.

But Roberta just got back.
I was still asleep and I didn't know it.

I'm only talking to you
because this is an emergency.

But that doesn't mean
I'm speaking to you.

Hmm-mm!

- Very interesting.
- Is it true?

Well, they'd hardly print it
in a newspaper if it wasn't.

- You swindled all those dames?
- I don't like that word "swindled."

Well, what would you call it?

I gave these women something
very precious in return...

the kind of attention that
they'd always dreamed about.

I brought some romance
to their drab existence.

I-I made them feel that
they were beautiful, desirable.

- And took everything they had.
- Not everything. I left them plenty.

Well, that was
very noble of you.

Don't forget these gals
were trying to take me.

They thought they were
getting some rich old duffer...

that would
kick off any moment.

You know, he's got a point there.

That's right.
Stick up for him.

Any man who would take advantage
of a lot of poor widows...

On the contrary.
They were rich widows.

And why were they rich?
Because their husbands worked
themselves into early graves...

just to leave them well fixed.

I felt that I owed it
to all men...

everywhere, to get back
a little of that money...

and have some fun.

But, Charley...

- where does Eadie fit into this picture?
- Yes.

I love Eadie.

You have a funny way of showing it...
running around with Mrs. Frazier.

That was
my farewell performance.

I wanted to start my marriage
on a sound financial footing.

You mean you're retired?

Well, that's entirely up to both of you,
after what you already know.

Well, I have
no sympathy for you.

But I don't want to do anything
that'll hurt Eadie.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

It might be embarrassing, though,
if the cops show up again.

- Again?
- Mm-hmm.

There was an F.B.I. man here a couple
of weeks ago asking questions about you.

Well, I better be starting
on a little trip. Excuse me.

- So you're running out on Eadie.
- No.

As soon as things cool off
a little, I'll send for her.

You didn't marry any
of those other women, did you?

Of course not.
If I had, I'd be in the clear now.

People don't object when
you marry a woman for money.

But if you try to appropriate her funds
on strictly a friendly basis...

Well, if you've really reformed,
the least you can do is return the money.

Uh-uh, Connie.
It's all back in circulation now.

Remember, what I took from one,
I spent on another one.

I have a complete
financial report right here.

Isn't that kind of a dangerous thing
to keep around?

Uh-uh. This proves that the newspapers
exaggerated my income.

I had hardly anything left
after I paid my taxes.

- You paid taxes on that money?
- My boy, I have my ethics.

I've learned one rule...

never monkey with
the Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Well, one thing is sure.
We can't keep the $800 you lent us.

No. No, you're right. Spend it right
away and I'll take it off the books.

- Hello, Eadie.
- Oh, Jimmy. There's a man
outside to see you.

Thank you.
I'll catch you before you leave.

- Good morning, Eadie.
- I'll be right down.

- Where you going, Charley?
- Oh, honey, it's necessary
that I leave town.

- Leave town?
- Yeah, hurriedly. Uh...

- But, why?
- It's... It's urgent business, dear.
Business.

- Can I help you?
- Oh, Mr. Scott?

- Yes.
- My name's Clark.

- I understand this property
is on the market.
- Yes, yes.

- Be glad to show you around.
- I've had my eye on it for some time.

If we can agree on terms,
you've got yourself a deal.

Well, you won't go wrong
buying this place. For example,
notice the construction.

- Solid. Foundation's
hardly settled at all.
- What's your monthly income?

Yes, we've got a great bunch
of tenants... quiet, respectable.

Never cause any trouble whatsoever.

Would you excuse me a minute?

Charley, police are here.

- But, Charley...
- Good-bye, my dear.

The back way.
Come on.

Charley, what's happening?

Charley!

- What's the matter?
- The house is loaded with cops.

Look after Eadie,
will you, please?

- Not that way. Over the fence.
- All right.

Oh!

- What's the matter?
- I'm caught on a nail.

- Oh, well, uh, hang on.
- What a suggestion.

- Hold it!
- Oh.

- Get down.
- All right. All right.

- Okay. Come on, Dad.
- I'm not your dad. Did you have one?

- Here you are, Jim.
- I'll take that.

Nice work, Mac.
He almost gave us the slip.

- What's going on here?
- How should I know?

I don't understand.
Why should the police want Charley?

Now, Eadie,
you've got to be brave.

What's happened to Mr. Scott?
This is no way to do business.

- Oh, Carl.
- Bernard.

- That's him, all right.
- Why, I'd recognize him anywhere.
That's Paul Chapman.

He told me his name was
Carl Pearson.

Have you ever seen
these women before?

Yes, I... Yes, I have.
And they're all charming ladies.

- You beast.
- Peter, how could you do this to me?

It isn't true about
all these other women, is it?

What're they doing
to you, Charley?

Eadie, you're the only
woman I love.

And these past few weeks together
have been the happiest of my life.

I want you to remember that.

And nothing I've done, and nothing
they can do to me will ever change that.

All right. Let's go.

Oh, Bernard, how could you?

You and your jug of wine
and your native woodnotes wild!

Did you say
all those things to her?

Come on, will you?

So long, Charley.
Poor guy.

When I left, they were still questioning
him about his career and, uh...

- they're only up to 1941.
- You did get in to see him, didn't you?

For a few minutes.
He insists on pleading guilty.

He said he's enjoyed his life thoroughly,
and now he's willing to pay for it.

Would it help any
if I spoke to him?

I-I don't think so. It's for your sake
that he wants to avoid a trial.

Couldn't we
get him out on bail?

If we do, they'll just
arrest him again.

The F.B.I. will pick him up
on a fugitive warrant.

And how long can they
send him away for?

Well, if the sentences run concurrently,
from two to five years.

No matter how long it takes,
I'll wait for him.

Thank you very much.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night, Eadie.

What do you think we ought
to do about that 800 bucks?

As a lawyer, I'd say
turn it over to the police.

But as your friend,
I'd say the same thing.

- He wouldn't listen to me.
- There goes the new wiring.

I wish I could help. But you don't get
rich working for the government.

We know, Ed. Thank you.

Hello.
Hello, Mr. Clark.

How much?

Why, that's
a ridiculous price.

All right, all right.
I'll talk it over with my wife.

The man who was here this morning is
willing to give us 19,000 for the house.

- Gonna take it?
- Looks like we don't have
much choice, do we?

- It's up to you.
- Mm, it means losing
most of our investment...

but I guess
we're gonna have to.

I, uh, think I'll drop up
and see Roberta.

She just got back into town this morning,
and I want to see if she missed me.

Yeah, you do that.

- Why don't you marry her?
- Maybe I will.

When I see how happy you two are,
I'm almost tempted.

Are you asleep?

You know, it's funny... now that we've
actually decided to leave this place...

I'm gonna miss it.

I guess we've done
a pretty good job around here.

It's certainly the best looking house
on the block.

The tenants seem to like us.

Look what Charley
tried to do for us.

- What's the matter?
- Now you change your mind.

After making my life
miserable all these weeks.

You know I didn't mean it.

All you had to do was say
one kind word to me...

just one kind word.

I'm sorry, darling.

Mmm. Sometimes I almost wish
you'd been married before.

Then you might
appreciate me more.

I wouldn't be married
to anybody else for anything.

Even though I went
and lost all our money?

We have something
more important than that...

something nobody can
take away from us.

Oh, I wish there was some way
we could save the house.

I suppose it would take
a miracle now, wouldn't it?

When I was overseas,
home meant just one thing... you.

And not a piece
of real estate.

Now what?

- Your name Jim Scott?
- Yes.

Police Department. We've been
going over Mr. Patterson's records.

It seems he turned over
800 bucks to you yesterday.

- That's right. It was a loan.
- That's not the way Charley tells it.

He said he paid you the money
so you wouldn't give him away.

- That's a lie.
- Charley's been very frank
with us about everything else.

- Why should he lie about this?
- Oh, I don't know.

I-I thought we were friends.
I even tried to protect him.

- Then you admit covering up for him.
- Uh, I don't admit anything.

My husband was going to return
that money in the morning.

If it's all the same to you,
we'll go to the station now.

- Is it all right if I change my clothes?
- Go ahead.

Thanks.

Your friend Charley.
Your benefactor.

I warned you, but you
just laughed at my intuition.

I don't need a lecture, I need a lawyer.
Now get Ed on the phone.

In here.

- Oh, Jim, boy. Glad to see you.
- You're putting me in here with him?

- He asked for you as a special favor.
- Thanks.

Anytime, Charley. I sure got to hand it
to you... all those women.

If you were 20 years younger or I was 20
years older, I'd knock your block off.

That's a nice way to talk after all the
trouble I went to to get you in here.

- You told them a pack of lies
about that money.
- I had to.

- Why? I don't get it.
- Now stop breathing through
your mouth and listen. I...

- What's going on in there?
- T�te-�-t�te.

All right. All right.
I'm listening.

Look.
A newspaper syndicate...

offered me $5,000 for a series
of articles on my career.

I accepted on one condition...
that you be allowed to write them.

- Why me?
- Oh, I thought it was
the least I could do.

So you keep half of the money
and give the other half to Eadie.

That'll help her carry on
while I'm gone.

- And you had me tossed
into jail to tell me that?
- Yes. Yes.

Now come here.

They want to start running
my story while it's hot...

and this is the last chance
I have to dictate it.

And confidentially, they're handing me
over to the federal boys tomorrow.

- They are much stricter
than these boys here.

- Hey, but how do I get out of here?
- Oh, easy, easy.

All they've got
against you is my word.

Tomorrow morning I shall
magnanimously admit I made a mistake.

Why don't you pipe down?
How's a guy gonna get any sleep?

Oh, yeah.
Sorry. Sorry.

Now...

shall we start work?

I shall never forget...

my first conquest.

I was two and a half
weeks old.

We had a French nurse.

But I never seriously
became involved in any...

romance until I reached
the age of four.

My client is willing
to give you 35,000 for the house.

That's positively her final offer,
and I must have your answer today.

- What do you think?
- You decide.

Well, $35,000 is
a lot of money, but...

No.

But the house isn't
for sale at any price.

Hello. Sure. Sure thing.
I'll be right up.

Excuse me. I've got to go help
one of our tenants.

You're making a big mistake
turning down this offer...

but I know just how you feel
about your home.

- Good-bye, Mr. Knowland.
- Good-bye, Mrs. Scott.

- I've got it.
- You've got it?

- Yep.
- Very careful now. Don't wake 'em up.

All right so far.

- Oh, there we go. We made it.
- Oh.

- How are the twins today?
- Oh, thriving. Thriving.

Oh, my darling
little Cynara.

My gorgeous little Lilith.
Oh, ho-ho.

- Oh, Jim.
- Huh?

- Say it again.
- Oh, I have five times today.

Oh, all right.
Charley, your twins are beautiful.

Did you hear what the man said?

You know Charley...
he's always had a way with girls.

Come on, dear, to the park.
And give those other parents a treat.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

I still can't get over it.
Charley, the father of twins.

Just think what he could have done
if he hadn't retired.