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1
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,885
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:18,101
* *
3
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,488
- You picked
the wrong day too, huh?
4
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,615
The faculty retreat
doesn't start till tomorrow.
5
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,410
[laughter]
6
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,578
- It went in your mouth?
7
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,163
- In--in--right straight in.
Oh...
8
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,873
- [chuckling]
9
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:40,915
Mm.
10
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,460
That is good.
- Oh.
11
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,753
Wow.
- What do you say?
12
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:45,795
One more?
13
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,589
- Yeah, I...
14
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,257
Jack.
15
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,093
This thing between us,
I...
16
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:55,555
I can't deny it anymore.
17
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,141
- I, uh...
18
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,352
I don't know what you mean.
19
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,103
- I must have you.
20
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,774
["My Heart Will Go On"
playing]
21
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,610
- The Upper Peninsula winds
whipped against the windows
22
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,363
and the fire roared
as the two men wondered,
23
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,115
"Would this be the night
their forbidden passions
24
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,618
became reality?"
25
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:19,704
Durbin inhaled
Jack's hot Twizzler breath
26
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,791
moaning quietly
as he inched closer
27
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,250
to his supple lips.
28
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,502
- Durbin wouldn't do that.
29
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:28,797
His quiet reluctance
is part of his character.
30
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,840
And the Twizzler
takes us out of it.
31
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,425
- I'm experimenting.
32
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,718
- What are you guys doing?
33
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,803
- Nothing.
- We're shipping Mr. Griffin...
34
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,430
- Nothing.
- And Principal Durbin.
35
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:40,183
- So you write romance novel
stories about them,
36
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,476
'cause that'd be funny?
37
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,937
- It's about
pairing people in power.
38
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,647
- It's essentially fan fiction,
39
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,149
but we write them
about the teachers.
40
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,317
- Can I play?
41
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,819
- You can't just play.
42
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,154
There's a lot
of world-building involved.
43
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,864
Listen.
44
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,991
[horse whinnying]
45
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,077
Blackjack Griffin
couldn't remember
46
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,496
the last time he'd had a bath,
47
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,415
couldn't remember
what it felt like
48
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,501
to have a naked body
pressed against his.
49
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:10,046
That was all about to change.
50
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,008
Or so he thought.
51
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,759
[knocks]
- Whiskey.
52
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,970
- There's only one rule
in the Old West,
53
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,390
talk straight, shoot straight,
and walk crooked.
54
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,647
- Thought you were dead.
55
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,566
How many times
I gotta kill you?
56
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,234
- Principal Durbin said.
57
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,403
- Well, it doesn't seem like
he'd go by that there.
58
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,363
- I don't know his first name.
59
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:40,118
- I'm sorry I shot you,
J-Jerry.
60
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,370
I felt bad for that prostitute.
61
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,872
- I get it.
62
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,249
I was actin' funny,
'cause my horse thievin' wife
63
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,169
had gone
and got herself hanged,
64
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,880
and I didn't have
no one to...touch.
65
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,341
- I reckon everyone
needs the warmth
66
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:57,886
of someone else's body
sometimes,
67
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,554
or else...
68
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,972
- Or else they die.
69
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:11,066
Oh, Blackjack, don't.
70
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,859
- Oh.
71
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,780
Now you're shy?
72
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,909
- Durbin found himself
taking refuge in his embrace,
73
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,913
hiding in its comfort.
74
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,456
- Okay, I get it.
75
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:29,501
Let me try.
76
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,003
Mr. Griffin knew
exactly what he was doing
77
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,005
when he pulled
the brown cardigan
78
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,840
out of the drawer.
79
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,343
He was the kind of man who
hid what was broken in himself
80
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,179
under three days of stubble
and a wrinkled shirt,
81
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,765
like these things would
make his pain into a joke,
82
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,936
make him into someone
who didn't feel pain at all.
83
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:51,523
But Principal Durbin wore
his pain on the outside
84
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,732
in a starched collar
85
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,734
and a belt
that matched his shoes,
86
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:58,655
the kind of pain that begs
to be looked at, caressed.
87
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:01,658
They were the same in a way,
men like that.
88
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,952
They reach a point
where there's nothing left
89
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,870
to talk about.
90
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,749
All you have is a heart
beating so loud and so fast
91
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,668
you wonder
if everyone can hear it.
92
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,795
And you wonder if
just maybe
93
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,047
what's broken in him
might make a home
94
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,049
for what's broken in you,
95
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,801
wonder if the man
across from you
96
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,803
is thinking about
pulling you down
97
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:25,265
on the sturdy wooden desk
between you.
98
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,434
* *
99
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,645
- She's good.
100
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,525
- All right, everybody,
shush it.
101
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,943
I got tricked last night.
102
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,653
Yeah, I want everybody
to line up
103
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,030
and take a bite of this,
104
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,823
and tell me if you think
they were correct
105
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,159
in calling this mild,
because I think it's too hot.
106
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,161
It's too hot.
107
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,663
- Faculty and students,
I have just been informed
108
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,790
by the Toledo
weather federation
109
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,002
we are officially
in a tornado watch.
110
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,503
- It's coming. It's coming.
It's coming!
111
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,921
- I need all teachers
112
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,631
to take their students
to the gym,
113
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:02,385
auditorium,
or a hallway with no windows.
114
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,680
We are officially on lockdown.
115
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,391
- It's definitely too spicy,
Mr. Griffin.
116
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,684
[groans]
117
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,019
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
118
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,312
- One, two, three, four!
119
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,856
- * Next time,
I'll listen to my heart *
120
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,525
* Next time,
well, I'll be smart *
121
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:25,158
* *
122
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,701
- Again, this is not a test.
123
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:30,455
Please proceed calmly
to a safe area.
124
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,207
- There's no saving them,
Ralph.
125
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:35,543
This is the son of a bitch
that took my Pop-Pops.
126
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,545
- Did a tornado really
kill your grandfather?
127
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,339
- My grandfathers.
128
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,132
It killed both of 'em.
129
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,051
They went out to distract it
130
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,554
so me and my Mee-Maws
could get in the root cellar.
131
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,848
And it scooped 'em up
and slammed 'em together
132
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,517
like a pair of dirty
flip-flops.
133
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:53,019
And then I turned back to look.
134
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,063
They popped
like two water balloons
135
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,481
full of Spaghetti-Os.
136
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,608
They popped my Pop-Pops.
137
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,403
And now
it's coming back to get me
138
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,113
to finish the job.
139
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,739
- Helen...
- Mm.
140
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,909
- When this passes,
would you be okay with, um,
141
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,036
taking a couple of days off?
142
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,413
- That's so sweet.
143
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,539
I don't need that.
144
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,666
Why--why'd you think that?
145
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,627
[eerie music]
146
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:23,133
* *
147
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,635
- Hey, there you are.
Are you good?
148
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,637
- Me, yeah, I'm good.
149
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,181
Yeah, no, I'm fine.
Yeah, of course. Um, you?
150
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,018
- Didn't you say it was
a tornado watch that made you
151
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,185
wet your pants?
152
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,854
- [wheezing]
153
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,232
- Oh.
- [wheezing]
154
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,692
- Joyce, are you okay?
155
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:44,195
- I'm fine. All the excitement
just made me dizzy.
156
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,573
I probably just need
a piece of cheese.
157
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,784
Does anyone have any cheese
in their pocket?
158
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,578
- You want Swiss or Havarti?
159
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,329
- Well, if it makes
you feel better,
160
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:56,124
Jack here once peed his pants
during a tornado watch.
161
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,168
- What? No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
162
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,962
- No, I didn't.
It's not--not true.
163
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,465
And if you were making a joke,
it wasn't a good one.
164
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,632
Clunk.
165
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,635
[plucky music]
166
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,929
* *
167
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,765
- Where is the bunker?
- I'm just, like,
168
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,558
how is this structure
not built to protect us?
169
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,435
- That's what I'm saying.
- Hi!
170
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,854
We need to bust outta here now.
171
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,439
- Hell, no.
I'm not going outside.
172
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,774
There's probably
cows flying around.
173
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,150
- Yeah, I'm not trying
to get hit upside the head
174
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,943
by no barn or something
knocking my baby
175
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,111
straight outta me
before I even get
176
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,738
to paint the nursery, girl.
- Okay.
177
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,822
- Listen to me.
178
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,866
Keith is sound-mixing today.
179
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,826
He works in a glass gazebo
180
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,495
in our backyard
with a blindfold
181
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,372
and noise-cancelling
headphones.
182
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:39,417
And the song he's working on
is mostly wind and sirens.
183
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,712
I need to sneak out of here
and save my husband,
184
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,589
and I need your help.
185
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,675
- Oh, I'm sure he's dead.
186
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,301
And you need to let him go.
187
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,678
But I'll help you get out.
188
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,597
- At least
to identify the body.
189
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,057
Okay.
190
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,518
[thunder booming]
191
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,186
- "Mr. Griffin continued.
192
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:01,022
"'Alice Ball developed a drug
to treat leprosy from what?'
193
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,066
"Sarika's hand
was first to raise.
194
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,901
"'The oil
of the chaulmoogra tree.'
195
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,194
She was correct again."
196
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,114
- Learning biology
is not a fantasy.
197
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,824
- For me it is.
- I'm sorry.
198
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,617
We're just not inviting
new members right now.
199
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,078
- Oh, got it.
200
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,705
- Oh, [bleep] me.
201
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,456
Fine, Sarika, you're in.
202
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,417
- Yes.
- Dan, wait.
203
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,376
Let's hear it.
204
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,545
- Okay.
205
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629
- All right, gang,
206
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,340
the tornado watch
has been upgraded
207
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,633
to a tornado warning.
208
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,593
But do not worry.
209
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,720
There's nothing to fear.
210
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,763
Papa Durbs will keep you safe.
211
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,265
- It's a stone-cold killer!
- No, Helen.
212
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,851
It got a taste of my bloodline,
and it wants seconds.
213
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,394
We're all dead. We're dead.
- No, no.
214
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,603
No, do not live in fear.
215
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,397
Bye.
- Dead!
216
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,400
- Sounds like it's more serious
than we thought.
217
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,069
- Yeah, yeah,
this could definitely be it.
218
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,530
- Like, people should
definitely say
219
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:54,743
everything they need to say
to the people they snapped at.
220
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,036
- Yeah, or, you know,
221
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,245
if they embarrassed
the other person
222
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,705
in front of a bunch of people,
you know,
223
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,666
then they should probably
say something to make amends.
224
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,793
- I agree.
225
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:07,255
- I agree more.
- Me too...even more.
226
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,300
* *
227
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,516
[quirky upbeat music]
228
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,895
- Hey, there you are.
229
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:25,065
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold up, girl.
230
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,941
You with me?
231
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,360
- [sobs]
232
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:32,739
- Hey, hey, come here,
come here, come here.
233
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,074
* *
234
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,368
What's got you shook, Janette?
235
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,286
- [sobs]
236
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,287
- G-Money.
237
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,291
- Step away from her now.
238
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,292
- What is this?
239
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,377
- Mr. G said.
240
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,087
- Do as they say, Griff-daddy.
241
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,381
- She's not
who you think she is, G-dawg.
242
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,674
In fact,
243
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,426
she's not even
what you think she is.
244
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,803
- Nice, sci-fi.
245
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,054
Great call.
246
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,847
- Are you out of your mind,
Durbin?
247
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,934
Tell them to stop
pointing guns at my girl!
248
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,352
- Griff...
[sloshing]
249
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,692
I'm...
250
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,319
- A goddamn alien.
251
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,114
She was sent to analyze vitals
for our planet
252
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,700
so space cockroaches
can drain it dry.
253
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,451
- But stupid me,
254
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,620
I had to fall in love.
255
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,330
- Love?
256
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:26,042
- Yeah, love.
257
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,752
- [sighs]
258
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,962
- So Jackie, like,
259
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,839
brushes his hand
across her alien cheek,
260
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,966
then in slow motion
261
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:35,552
he reaches inside his sweater
and pulls out not one
262
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:36,886
but two guns, right?
263
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,346
And he starts blasting
at the feds like
264
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,806
blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!
- Wow.
265
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:40,974
- Diving to the side.
266
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,809
They all firing back.
Blow, blow, blow!
267
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,978
Maybe some doves are flying
in slow motion.
268
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,979
And maybe some of them
get hit by the bullets.
269
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:46,980
You know what I'm saying?
- Wow.
270
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,481
- So good.
- Love it.
271
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,651
[dramatic music]
272
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,654
- [breathing heavily]
273
00:10:54,696 --> 00:11:01,661
* *
274
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,663
- Griff...
275
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,666
they got me.
276
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,962
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
277
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,673
- Don't worry about me, Mr. G.
278
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,384
Go save...
279
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,844
the world.
280
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,388
- Don't you see?
281
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,223
You are my world.
282
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,351
* *
283
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:27,270
No, no.
284
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:33,276
- [screaming]
285
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,028
[applause]
286
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,279
- I still feel like
287
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,531
we're letting
too many people into this.
288
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,534
- I will cut your throat open
with the pen I'm holding.
289
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,787
- Okay, but no more after him.
290
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,790
[plucky music]
291
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,459
* *
292
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,961
- Thanks again for helping
sneak me out, Dale.
293
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,089
I just hope my husband's
still alive.
294
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,882
- I hear ya.
I'd be worried sick
295
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,384
about my wife
if she hadn't left me
296
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,803
and gone back to Russia
with half my money.
297
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,471
- Damn, Dale.
298
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,473
Just damn.
299
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:04,974
- I'll just grab the key
to the south wing.
300
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,559
We'll sneak you out from there.
- Okay.
301
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:13,483
* *
302
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,402
- What the hell is this?
303
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,362
- Don't!
304
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,781
- It's trash,
all of our old trash...
305
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,200
made into dolls.
306
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,662
- Dale, these are beautiful.
307
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,914
- Be gentle with them.
308
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,582
They're precious to me.
309
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,792
[dramatic music]
310
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,627
- They moved closer to him.
311
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,715
They wanted to be--
dare they even think it?
312
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,925
One with him.
- Hold on.
313
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,719
Why are they wearing that?
314
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,595
- I--in this scenario,
315
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:43,930
I just figured the women
316
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,598
would want to be
in something more comfortable.
317
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,767
- Your idea of
"more comfortable" for women
318
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,769
means tank tops
and short skirts?
319
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,897
- Uh, no. Wait, check this out.
320
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,524
- It's time we flee.
321
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,651
- No, you piece of meat.
322
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,194
We want to stay with you.
323
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,572
- She said,
strong and confident,
324
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,283
as any strong and confident
woman would say.
325
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,451
- Good.
326
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,995
Then back to the task
at hand...
327
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,622
us kissing. Come here.
328
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,459
- Oh, you brute! You pig!
329
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:17,047
* *
330
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,507
- Why, you pig.
331
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,634
You brute!
332
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,595
- What is happening?
333
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,139
- Sorry, Kozlowski,
this simply isn't a fit.
334
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,807
- Yeah, why are they
punching his chest?
335
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:28,975
- That's what they always do
336
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,477
in the classic films
my dad watches
337
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,978
with his new girlfriend.
338
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,105
She hates me.
339
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,441
I guess everyone does.
340
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,776
- Fine, you can join.
341
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,903
Just don't have the women
punch the men's chests.
342
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,945
- Roger that.
343
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,781
Super helpful.
344
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,158
- [straining]
345
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,623
Oh, okay.
346
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,791
- Hey.
- Oh.
347
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,626
Need a hand there, buddy?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
348
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,879
I, uh, bit off a little more
than I could chew.
349
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,299
[drill whirring]
350
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,219
- Looks good.
- Hey, you had a little, uh,
351
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,262
moment with Lynnette
back there.
352
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,598
- Oh, well, yeah.
I mean, I'm like,
353
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,308
if I tell you something
in confidence,
354
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,185
do you mind not blabbing it
to all my co-workers?
355
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,478
- I know it's tough, all right?
356
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,271
But you gotta
let that stuff go.
357
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,358
My ex-wife told
all of our friends
358
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,696
that I shave my earlobe hair,
and I freaked out.
359
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,240
- Let me see.
360
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,617
Yeah, look at that,
a little stubble on there.
361
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,869
- Yeah, so...
362
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,746
smooth as a duck's flipper.
363
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,708
[gentle music]
364
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,836
* *
365
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,879
- Okay. Well, um,
366
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,006
I'm gonna go see
if she's around.
367
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,048
- Oh, yeah, hey,
thanks for the hand.
368
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,675
- No problem.
- All right.
369
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,386
- Hey, can I tell you mine?
370
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,762
- You wrote one?
371
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:48,930
Where's your notebook?
372
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,640
- Bitch, I don't
need a notebook.
373
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,183
I know who I want to ship.
374
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,145
Just tell me where it happens,
and I'll bring the magic.
375
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,564
- Well, nothing's sexier
than the Old West,
376
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:02,610
chaps, stirrups, dust, lassos,
leather.
377
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:06,322
- There you go, sir.
378
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,825
Oh, well, welcome
to Harriet's House of Harlots.
379
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,076
I'm Harriet.
380
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,119
Would you like
something to drink?
381
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,996
We have, basically, like,
382
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,831
everything you would have
in the Old West.
383
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,375
- Well, give me whatever.
That's not the point of this.
384
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,503
I'm here to get fully weird,
and I don't care who it's with.
385
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,298
Obviously, I don't want it to
be, like, a gross old drifter
386
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716
but otherwise I'm open.
387
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,676
- Well, you've come
to the right place.
388
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,804
[upbeat music]
389
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,765
- Um, yes, please.
390
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,433
* *
391
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,186
Are you guys, like, cool
with me buying your shots
392
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,188
and joining your group,
or do you totally hate that?
393
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,481
- Get your buns in here.
394
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,983
- Coach sat down
with his new friends.
395
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,569
- I am officially dead.
396
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,904
How do you guys
know each other?
397
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,615
- We, like, met doing
a traveling medicine show,
398
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,866
blah, blah.
399
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,369
- I am, like, already
in love with you all.
400
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,996
- Uh, we are, like,
100% loving you.
401
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,831
- I'd literally
tell you anything.
402
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,625
- I'm officially dead again.
403
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:02,879
- You are a frickin' rock star
traveling from town to town
404
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:07,092
walking into saloons where you
literally know nobody.
405
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:11,429
- Literally, how do you do it?
406
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:16,142
- * It's so hard for a fella *
407
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,853
- * Who ain't got no home *
408
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,023
- Wow. Nice pipes, Anthony.
409
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,191
I got peanut butter sandwiches
410
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,359
for anyone
who's getting hungry.
411
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:25,694
Oh.
412
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,238
Keep at it. Wow.
413
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,447
- I was not mean to you.
414
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,407
- Oh, come on.
- You were mean to me.
415
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,117
You used my childhood trauma
416
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,660
as a source
of workplace comedy.
417
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,414
- I was just trying to comfort
Joyce when she...
418
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,207
just...
419
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,500
listen, dude.
420
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,127
I get that tornadoes
make you freak out,
421
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,962
but it's no excuse
to be a bad boyfriend.
422
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,005
- Wait...
423
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,133
[wind whooshing,
windows rattling]
424
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,555
[upbeat music]
425
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,056
You know what?
426
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,183
I'm glad this tornado happened.
427
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,310
We were never gonna work.
428
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,770
We're just too different.
429
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,397
- Total opposites.
430
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:05,191
I like wine and Toledo.
431
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,694
- And I like bourbon
and France.
432
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,778
[chimes jingling]
433
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,114
* *
434
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,743
- Baby,
loving you is a whirlwind.
435
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,370
* *
436
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,872
- Their tongues danced
437
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,082
like hypnotized snakes
438
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,835
in each other's mouth baskets.
439
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,962
- Whoa.
- Oh, my gosh.
440
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,380
Come sit with us.
- Yeah, yeah.
441
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,840
- And high school
was different
442
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,842
for Ashley Joy Minette
from then on.
443
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:35,722
In some ways,
it had just begun.
444
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,019
- What is the big damn deal?
445
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,354
So you had an accident
when you were young.
446
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,731
- The point is, I was alone
when a tornado hit,
447
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,567
because my mom had to work
all the time after my dad left.
448
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:51,196
It sucked, okay,
to be a kid and to be scared.
449
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,448
- How was I supposed to know
all those layers
450
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:56,242
if you don't tell me?
You have zero vulnerability.
451
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,660
- The one time
I was vulnerable,
452
00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,204
you went and blabbed about it,
you know?
453
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,123
I'm supposed to trust
a b-b-b-blabbermouth?
454
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,878
God.
455
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,256
- This is a sentence I never
thought I'd have to say.
456
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,841
But the...
457
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,219
the door to the lawnmower shed
has been ripped off.
458
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:17,347
It's lying in the grass.
459
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:21,101
However, I urge all of you
to remain calm.
460
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:24,270
- It's here.
Dear God, it's here.
461
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,940
I've put you all
in so much danger.
462
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,650
I'm gonna offer myself up
463
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:30,777
as a sacrifice
in order to save the school.
464
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,320
- No, Helen. No, Helen!
- Yes, I am.
465
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,912
- Hi, Keith.
466
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,164
It's me again.
[chuckles]
467
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,582
I know the song you're mixing
468
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,252
also has
a lot of phone ringing sounds,
469
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,755
but again,
there's a tornado warning,
470
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,676
and you really gotta
get out of that glass gazebo.
471
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,095
Call me if you get this.
Mwah!
472
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,763
- Michelle! There you are.
473
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,932
Helen just burst past Coach
and ran outside.
474
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,684
- What?
475
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:03,977
[thunder booming]
476
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,603
- I don't see her.
477
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,980
[loud thud]
478
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:10,066
[dramatic music]
479
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,277
all: Eduardo!
480
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,319
- 'Sup.
481
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,280
She's a bit banged up.
482
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,656
She'll be all right.
483
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,742
- Oh.
484
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:22,495
He saved my butt!
485
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,915
- I never knew you were
master blackbelt level strong.
486
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,710
- Your compliments are greatly
appreciated, art teacher.
487
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,087
You may touch my arm.
- [gasps]
488
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,048
- Ooh, my turn, my turn!
489
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:37,594
I wanna feel the arm that's
keeping me and my baby safe.
490
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:42,474
- Is it over?
Can we come out now, Eduardo?
491
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,142
- You saved us, Eduardo.
492
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,810
- Will you open this for me?
493
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,521
* *
494
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,357
all: Oh!
495
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,275
* *
496
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:55,320
- Ahh!
497
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,321
[glass shattering]
498
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,406
all: All hail Eduardo!
499
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,867
The great tornado slayer!
500
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,703
All hail Eduardo!
501
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,705
- Eduardo French-kissed
each of the teachers,
502
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,375
and he did it
totally correctly.
503
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:14,464
- Okay, French-kissing bandit
and crew,
504
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,841
let's get all those notebooks.
- Ralph!
505
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,009
Ralph, there you are.
506
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,511
It took a left.
507
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,138
Thank God the tornado
took a left.
508
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,682
Oh, my God.
509
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,017
It's going for my sister
in Cincinnati.
510
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,435
- [sighs]
- Oh, God.
511
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,312
- It's over.
512
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,731
You're all free to go home,
513
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,358
except the A.P. Bio students.
514
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,319
[upbeat bouncy music]
515
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,029
* *
516
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,282
- [gasps]
517
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,201
Keith, you're okay!
- Yeah.
518
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,953
Just barely.
It was really windy,
519
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,496
and I didn't know it.
520
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,540
- Well, how's the song?
521
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,583
- It's coming apart
at the seams, you know.
522
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,210
I'm really worried
about my vision
523
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,920
for a song
that's all sound effects.
524
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,505
- Oh.
- My manager,
525
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,050
he called it "not a song."
526
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,552
- What?
527
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,928
- "Along with their..."
528
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,472
Guys, what are you doing?
529
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:05,932
You're supposed
to be my good kids.
530
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,434
- Yeah, really.
You know, I'm actually
531
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,893
with Durbin for once.
532
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,812
All these scenarios
where we're kissing?
533
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,481
- Yeah, oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, that's the joke?
534
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,692
'Cause, frankly,
I don't see the punch line.
535
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,402
- Or is it that just that
you guys like seeing
536
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:20,488
people in positions of power
act like...
537
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,450
[sensual music]
538
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,202
* *
539
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:28,621
Like goddamn animals?
540
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:31,249
Already? You wrote one
while we were filing in?
541
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,209
- Yeah, that was me.
542
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,377
I'm quick like that.
543
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:35,879
- What are you guys doing?
544
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,881
You're supposed
to be my good kids?
545
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,258
You all have detention
starting now.
546
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,426
You're gonna sit here
547
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,552
and think about
what you've done,
548
00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:47,307
and we are taking these.
- Yep.
549
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,059
Bad kids.
550
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,518
Bad.
551
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:55,857
[upbeat music]
552
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:57,108
* *
553
00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:00,779
- Okay, I'll go first.
554
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,615
Durbin and Mr. Griffin
were still charged up
555
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,492
from scolding the students.
556
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:10,121
* *
557
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,415
[laughter]
558
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:13,958
- Oh, Eduardo
really did his research
559
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,002
on unusual sex practices,
didn't he, 'cause...
560
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,213
- Oh, wait till you get to
561
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,299
the Ancient Egyptian
public masturbation ceremony
562
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:22,634
starring Durbin.
- No.
563
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,844
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- No, no! God.
564
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,471
- [laughs]
- Yeah, I'm not--no.
565
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:28,723
I'm not gonna read that one.
I'm just not.
566
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:32,894
- Hey,
I'm sorry about today.
567
00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:34,813
- No, no, I--
568
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,273
no, I'm--I'm sorry
that I lashed out at you.
569
00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,817
- Well, I shouldn't have
told everyone
570
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,777
that you peed your pants.
- [sighs]
571
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:43,321
- I didn't realize it
was connected to deeper stuff.
572
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:47,283
- Well, yeah,
'cause I didn't tell you.
573
00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:50,370
- Maybe we could both stand to
be a little more vulnerable.
574
00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:56,126
- Yeah.
575
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:58,670
- She brushed her hand
across his sinewy chest
576
00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:00,964
and turgid nipples.
577
00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:03,675
She'd always admired
his turgid nipples
578
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,760
but most of all
his intense vulnerability
579
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,595
and almost alarming openness
580
00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:10,098
about every painful
thought and feeling
581
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,474
that crossed his mind.
582
00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:16,855
- * Someday soon
I'll just live over yonder *
583
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:20,525
* Bring you coffee to taste *
584
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:23,987
* Crossword puzzles
to ponder *
585
00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:28,033
* And I hope you're well *
586
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,743
- Bye, Jack.
- * And you know *
587
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,412
* That I love you *
40299
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