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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[DENNIS COFFEY'S "SCORPIO"]
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[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
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- ♪♪
- _
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Locker sweep day.
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Unleash hell, Ralph Durbin.
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[WHISTLING]
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You should look scared.
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♪♪
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Firecrackers. Detention.
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♪♪
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Metal compasses?
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Hand over the math knives, Wolverine.
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- Ah!
- BOTH: Oh!
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- Ugh.
- [GROANS]
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Ew.
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♪♪
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Hey!
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Give me the vape, Kasperak!
20
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,653
♪♪
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[VAPE CLATTERS]
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[BREATHING HEAVILY]
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♪♪
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[STAMMERS]
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Detention.
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[SIGHS]
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Kristina Yamaguchi, these
hallways get longer every year.
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00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,405
- [SIGHS]
- Son of a...
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[SIGHS]
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[SIGHS]
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[INTRIGUING MUSIC]
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[SIGHS]
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"Berry Crunch"?
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♪♪
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Ooh. Oh, that's nice.
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[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
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One, two, three, four!
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♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
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♪♪
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I thought teachers were smart.
42
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You just hold up an item,
43
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and you go, "What picture
does this look like?"
44
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And then you put it in there.
45
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[IMITATES WHOOSH]
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Oh. [CLICKS TONGUE]
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Um, "Oops".
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- [CHUCKLES] You missed.
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
49
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:04,822
Yep, that's all right, though.
Somebody always gets them.
50
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Yeah, I get them! Me!
51
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What? No!
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Hans, I thought you did,
uh, leaves and windows,
53
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,464
and Dale did toilets and trash.
54
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Huh.
55
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Okay, well, seems as if
I owe you one of these.
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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[CHUCKLES]
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♪♪
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[GRUNTS] Go to sleep.
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Go to sleep.
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Go to sleep. Shh.
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All right, everybody, mouth holes shut.
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Ear holes open.
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This morning, I received
a very lovely letter
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on this, uh, very graphic,
naked-angel-baby stationery.
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♪♪
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- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes, Anthony.
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These angel buns herald for you.
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00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,905
- [SIGHS]
- "Dear Mr. Griffin,
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I'm writing to thank you
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for all the after-hours biology tutoring
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you are providing for my grandson.
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Anthony is truly blessed
to have you shepherd him
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00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:02,882
on his journey,
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while the sweet Baby
Jesus carries you both".
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It goes on like this for pages.
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Oh, there's a part here where, um,
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00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:13,891
she thanks Jesus for saving
the baby on "Days of Our Lives".
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And then it ends with a
recipe for turkey chili.
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I'm sorry.
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00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,697
Are you teaching Anthony biology?
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Well, zam zaddy, if
cash is what you need...
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Kaspy would love to get down
on a private tutoring sesh.
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Ugh.
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Heather, give me a hot one.
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Yeah.
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[CLEARS THROAT]
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"If Marcus was a shoe, he'd be an Ugg".
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CLASS: Ooh!
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So I'd get to hug Rachael
Ray's feet all day?
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Well, yummo.
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[ALL GROANING]
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No, listen, I'm not teaching
biology to anybody, okay?
94
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,696
It appears that Anthony has
been using my good name
95
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,432
to lie to his own grandma...
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00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,601
which means your finally
learning something from me.
97
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:59,470
I mean, you spend so much time
kowtowing to your grandmas
98
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,706
and your piano teachers
and your orthodontists.
99
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,975
I mean, don't you realize
these people are all idiots?
100
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,810
My orthodontist won "Jeopardy!"
101
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,779
Mine too.
102
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,548
Uh, well, that's got to be
the same person. I mean...
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00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,784
All right, Anthony, tell us.
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00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,719
What classic teenage hooliganism
105
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,788
are you getting up to behind
your grandma's back, huh?
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I'd rather not say.
107
00:04:18,293 --> 00:04:20,458
All secrets are safe with us, Anthony,
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e.g., I use women's antiperspirant.
109
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,729
I have a parasitic twin.
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00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,731
It's just a mass of
teeth and hair really.
111
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It's in a jar at home.
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That felt pretty vulnerable,
113
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,938
and I'd love if someone looked at me.
114
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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Please.
116
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,610
Dan?
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I can't, man. I just can't.
118
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All right, Anthony.
119
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What are you pulling over on
old Granny Angelbutts, huh?
120
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:50,421
♪♪
121
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No?
122
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Oh, well, then the game is afoot.
123
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Yummo.
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[ALL GROANING]
125
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What are you talking about?
126
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♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
127
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,702
It's time to dine.
128
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,770
- [MICROWAVE DOOR CLOSES]
- Mmm.
129
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,505
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
130
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,941
[INVESTIGATIVE MUSIC]
131
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,477
Pow.
132
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,646
Excuse me, Dave. What's this?
133
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Oh. [LAUGHS]
134
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,616
Bonjour Mouse?
135
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,686
Mrs. Harper's gonna sew his
little beret back on for me.
136
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:22,953
So that's your stuffed mouse?
137
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,022
Yepper.
138
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,074
My parents brought it
back from Nova Scotia
139
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,793
- in the late '80s.
- Dave, get out.
140
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,563
But my Birds Eye steamed
veggie medley's in the microwave.
141
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:32,663
- Get out!
- The lady said, "Get out!"
142
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,731
- I'll fork you!
- Out, Dave.
143
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,867
All right. Boy, howdy.
144
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,535
- Out.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
145
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,337
Now, you know I love clowning on Dave,
146
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,072
but why are we mad at him, again?
147
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,484
Remember the clinic gave me a
photo of my donor as a child?
148
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,679
♪♪
149
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,947
- Oh!
- Bonjour Mouse.
150
00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:50,982
Wha... [LAUGHS]
151
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,950
Girl, I need you to stop immediately,
152
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,619
'cause it sounds like you're saying
153
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,621
that Geology Dave is your baby's daddy.
154
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,089
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't say that.
155
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:01,276
Uh, I'm sure that a lot of
people have hand-sewn mice
156
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,694
- from 1980s Nova Scotia.
- Yeah.
157
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,729
I don't want my baby to be a doofus.
158
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,863
- Oh, it won't.
- [WHINES]
159
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:06,993
- No.
- It's gonna be okay.
160
00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:09,500
[IMITATES TRUMPET FANFARE]
A royal request!
161
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,703
Might I have my veggies?
162
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,104
See? Do you see what I'm talking about?
163
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:16,074
It seems as though they are overcooked.
164
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,942
- Dave, get out!
- Yep.
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Dang.
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♪♪
167
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
168
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,618
- Aah!
- Start squeaking, geek.
169
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,687
Where'd you get the juice
for your fruit flute?
170
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,122
Come on!
171
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,758
Who puts the berry tang
in your smoke thang?
172
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,526
I'm sorry, I don't know these words.
173
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:36,861
- [GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTS]
174
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,096
Stop playing dumb.
175
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,064
Where'd you get the vape?
176
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,766
[TENSE MUSIC]
177
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,070
[INVESTIGATIVE MUSIC]
178
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,872
[WHISPERING] Hey, wait, wait, wait.
179
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,841
I feel like we're too close.
Let's drop back a little.
180
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,743
Sorry, this is my first
time stalking a child.
181
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,077
Yeah.
182
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,013
♪♪
183
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,049
- Oh, my God.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
184
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,491
Is sweet baby Anthony doing drugs?
185
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,087
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Go.
186
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:07,825
♪♪
187
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:11,729
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's way worse than that.
188
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:13,698
[CROWD CHEERING]
189
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,567
- Neanderthal gymnastics.
- [BELL DINGS]
190
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:19,069
[CROWD CHEERING AND SHOUTING]
191
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Yeah!
192
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ALL: One, two, three!
193
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,049
- That's it!
- [CHEERING]
194
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,884
- [BELL DINGING]
- [SCREAMS]
195
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,185
Here is your winner,
196
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,021
- Delilah Doom!
- [CHEERING]
197
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,956
And now it is time
198
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,994
for the TTSW main event!
199
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,697
[CHEERING]
200
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,799
Making his way to the ring,
201
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,935
Tennessee Ronnie Log!
202
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,771
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
203
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:56,074
Yeah, who wants to log in, baby?
204
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,977
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
205
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,913
Yeah. Ha ha.
206
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,015
Yeah!
207
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,117
Aah! Ha ha.
208
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,953
♪♪
209
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,155
[GASPS, LAUGHS]
210
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,959
♪♪
211
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,095
You know, you... you can't
take that home, right?
212
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,080
- He gave it to me.
- It's got bugs in it.
213
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,209
But he gave it to me.
214
00:08:20,211 --> 00:08:23,701
And his opponent, the King of Diamonds,
215
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,738
- Deznel Midnight!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
216
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,707
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
217
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,843
♪♪
218
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,711
Oh. Anthony's the star of the show.
219
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:37,713
♪♪
220
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,853
Is that Hans?
221
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,122
The janitor?
222
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,925
[BOOING AND CHEERING]
223
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,962
Loyal subjects of Toledo,
224
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,698
your King of Diamonds is here tonight
225
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,099
to do two things...
226
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,135
kick some booty
227
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,771
and meet some cuties.
228
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,072
[LAUGHING AND SHOUTING]
229
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:04,426
I'm gonna pummel this
here cretin before me!
230
00:09:04,428 --> 00:09:06,844
Take him back to the woods from...
231
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,113
Oh. Okay, Donna.
232
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,015
Oh, thank you. Uh, quick announcement.
233
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:14,427
"The annual parish coat
drive ends this Wednesday.
234
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,263
Let's b-b-b-body-slam homelessness
235
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,757
with a new or gently used coat.
236
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,101
Donation bin is located outside
237
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,896
Pastor J-J-Jeff's office".
238
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,131
CROWD: Footstool! Footstool!
239
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,801
Time for me to put my royal feet up.
240
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:34,305
CROWD: Footstool! Footstool!
Footstool! Footstool!
241
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,108
Footstool! Footstool! Footstool...
242
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,143
[CHEERING]
243
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:42,213
- This is bad.
- Yeah.
244
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:45,783
He's not a wrestler.
He's a... he's a prop.
245
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,720
CROWD: Footstool, Footstool...
246
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:49,922
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
247
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,761
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
248
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,229
I already told them everything.
249
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:01,099
No need for a grand speech
about how stupid wrestling is.
250
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,333
- Okay?
- Okay.
251
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,436
[LAUGHS] But it is stupid.
252
00:10:03,438 --> 00:10:04,538
It's so stupid.
253
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:07,372
It's all costumes and
over-the-top characters
254
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,240
- and melodrama, it's...
- Yes.
255
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,109
It is everything I am.
256
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,810
[CHUCKLES] Look...
257
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,278
if you guys are ever gonna use me
258
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,817
to, like, live a secret life,
259
00:10:15,819 --> 00:10:17,424
then it's got to be for
something badass, you know?
260
00:10:17,426 --> 00:10:20,385
Not being a footstool
for a high-school janitor.
261
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,021
He may be a janitor in
here, but in the ring,
262
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,824
he's a legend.
263
00:10:24,826 --> 00:10:27,272
Hans is doing me a favor by
taking me on as his protégé.
264
00:10:27,274 --> 00:10:29,504
[CHUCKLES] Okay, so what's the plan?
265
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,398
I want to be the baddest
daddy to ever walk that aisle.
266
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,999
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
267
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,636
I want long hair.
268
00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:38,605
I want to always look kind of wet.
269
00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:39,608
[BELL DINGS]
270
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:42,407
I want crowds of thousands
to chant my name.
271
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,176
Luther Phoenix: Bird of Pain.
272
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,844
Ka-kaw!
273
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,414
Call me Danny Zuko,
'cause I just got chills,
274
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,149
and they are multiplying.
275
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,985
Better shape up, Anthony.
276
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:54,021
Okay, well, where was
277
00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:56,821
Luther Phoenix: Bird of
Pain Ka-kaw last night?
278
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,891
Hans thinks it's stupid.
279
00:10:58,893 --> 00:11:00,694
The guy's clearly all ego.
280
00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:02,413
Just come up with a name that, like,
281
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:04,537
complements his King
of Diamonds persona.
282
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:07,031
You know, something like Aces Wild.
283
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,133
Oh, whoa!
284
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,835
Aces Wild.
285
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,203
Yeah.
286
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,549
[CHUCKLES] Ah, man.
287
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:15,840
Look at that. I nailed
it on my first try.
288
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,943
Uh, why would an ace be
wild? It's the best card.
289
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,311
Mm, well, don't do that.
290
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,914
Maybe we spend a little more time on it.
291
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,148
Uh...
292
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,726
Perhaps Tony Flamingo,
293
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,251
The Two of Hearts
would pique his interest.
294
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,921
He may be wearing a
glamorous feather boa,
295
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,856
but his legs are lethal weapons.
296
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,858
Ha!
297
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,127
Mm, I like it.
298
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,929
Tony Flamingo.
299
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,198
Mm, yeah, well, okay. We tried.
300
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,267
You know, but it looks like
301
00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:43,167
ain't nothing ever gonna beat Aces Wild.
302
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,269
Okay.
303
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,071
Okay.
304
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:50,141
So you two read thoroughly
through my donor's profile.
305
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,342
Yes, and there's no way
306
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,412
that Dave's a 1/8
Colombian marble sculptor.
307
00:11:53,414 --> 00:11:55,346
- [SIGHS]
- The dude wears infinity scarves.
308
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,782
- I think you're fine, okay?
- Okay.
309
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,633
Your donor said he
plays the flamenco guitar.
310
00:11:58,635 --> 00:11:59,887
I mean, this is not Dave.
311
00:11:59,889 --> 00:12:02,053
Okay, well, just keep it
subtle, ladies, all right?
312
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,849
- Oh, here he comes. Here he comes.
- Okay.
313
00:12:03,851 --> 00:12:05,723
Dave! Hey, bud.
314
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,358
You know, why don't you
come and eat with us?
315
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,729
We saved you a spot right there.
316
00:12:08,731 --> 00:12:11,095
O... kay. Cool.
317
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:13,817
Oh, shoot. The dang microwave's broken?
318
00:12:13,819 --> 00:12:15,152
I brought a Healthy Boy Kale Gnocchi.
319
00:12:15,154 --> 00:12:17,101
- Now I can't eat it.
- So whiny.
320
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,302
- I cannot. I can't.
- Oh, God.
321
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,504
[LAUGHS]
322
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,973
So what's the scoopin', Mary Poopins?
323
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,975
- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm not gonna make it.
324
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:27,412
Um, what's scoopin' is that
I'm taking a sculpture class.
325
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,248
Have you ever sculpted anything, Dave?
326
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,016
Oh, yeah. I'm a marble sculptor.
327
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,819
Yeah, in fact, just this morning,
328
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:36,087
I was in the studio
gluing marbles together.
329
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,390
Uh, three white ones
make a snowman sculpture.
330
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,928
Five green ones,
331
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:43,394
that's a pretty cool caterpillar.
332
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,229
Six green ones in a clump...
333
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,398
now you're looking at a pile of peas.
334
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,019
No. No, no, no.
335
00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:51,169
I mean, marble sculpting
is supposed be, like,
336
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,537
chiseling stone.
337
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,406
- You did a preschool craft.
- [LAUGHTER]
338
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,443
Would a preschooler be
able to do this, Stefanie?
339
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:02,280
- Yep, yep, yep.
- [MARBLE CLATTERS]
340
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,381
Dropped it.
341
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,149
Just curious, Dave...
342
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:08,052
can you play this guitar? [CHUCKLES]
343
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,154
Oh, well, I mean, I dabble, but...
344
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,957
A little dab will do ya. [LAUGHS]
345
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,026
[STRUMMING]
346
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,901
[VOCALIZING ODDLY]
347
00:13:18,903 --> 00:13:21,265
♪ Barcelona ♪
348
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:23,301
♪♪
349
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,671
Get out, Dave! Out now.
350
00:13:25,673 --> 00:13:27,238
You know who actually
taught me that song?
351
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,764
It was mi abuelita from Colombia.
352
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,041
- BOTH: Get out!
- Scram!
353
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,010
Yep, all right. Just gonna grab this...
354
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,445
- Mm, I'll get it later.
- [GROANS]
355
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,183
I am unmoored. I can't.
356
00:13:37,185 --> 00:13:40,585
Okay, listen, I know the
evidence is devastating,
357
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,281
but the only way you're gonna find out
358
00:13:42,283 --> 00:13:43,717
if you're having Dave's dumb baby
359
00:13:43,719 --> 00:13:46,413
is to see a photo of him as a
toddler and compare it to this.
360
00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:48,493
[INVESTIGATIVE MUSIC]
361
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,262
We're going to Morenci tonight, honeys.
362
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,431
Mama just got to take the edge off.
363
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,166
Mama got to get normal.
364
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,602
[DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
365
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,504
[SIGHS] Hey, Helen.
366
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,406
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
- I forgot to...
367
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,976
thank you for...
368
00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:07,145
a good day and wish
you a pleasant evening.
369
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,547
[SNIFFS] Hmm.
370
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,484
Aren't you gonna tell me
371
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,386
to sleep like a cricket in a mitten?
372
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,321
Mm-hmm.
373
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:20,158
No? Hmm.
374
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,527
Oh, hey, you know, uh,
375
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,629
probably never gonna hang this up.
376
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,032
- I think I'm gonna throw this poster out.
- _
377
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,802
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
378
00:14:29,804 --> 00:14:31,636
Any objections?
379
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,372
No! [WHIMPERS]
380
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,507
[CRIES] It's a miracle of life.
381
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,276
You're vaping, Helen?
382
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,445
It's Berry Crunch, Ralph,
383
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:43,247
and for two or three minutes,
it makes me feel like a god.
384
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:46,217
[TENSE MUSIC]
385
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,186
Come with me.
386
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,188
[WHINES, SIGHS]
387
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,123
♪♪
388
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,558
[WHINES]
389
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,593
♪♪
390
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,228
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
391
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,330
Mm.
392
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,432
Permission to speak, Your Majesty.
393
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,534
Make it quick, Footstool.
394
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,837
I think I'm ready to become
395
00:15:04,839 --> 00:15:07,405
the legendary Deznel
Midnight's right-hand man.
396
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,675
King of Diamonds, meet
your new partner...
397
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:14,207
Tony Flamingo, The Two of Hearts.
398
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,649
I fed you like a baby bird for months,
399
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:22,453
just regurgitating and
regurgitating my knowledge,
400
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,289
and now you're coming for my throne?
401
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,191
You look ridiculous.
402
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,563
But Mr. Griffin thinks I'm ready.
403
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,466
That's who's spitting in your mouth now?
404
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,369
The man who can't even
properly dispose of an apple?
405
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,438
You put your footstool costume on.
406
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,241
You're lucky I still want
to put my feet up on you.
407
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,244
[SOMBER MUSIC]
408
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,306
♪♪
409
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,319
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Yeah!
410
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,521
Timber.
411
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:59,757
ALL: Timber, timber, timber, timber!
412
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:03,494
Timber, timber, timber, timber!
413
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,563
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
414
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,566
- ALL: One, two, three!
- [BELL DINGS]
415
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,234
- Winner!
- Yes!
416
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,637
This is the best day of my life!
417
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,975
Introducing to you first,
418
00:16:14,977 --> 00:16:17,214
he is the King of Diamonds...
419
00:16:17,216 --> 00:16:19,610
Deznel Midnight!
420
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,579
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
421
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,514
[CHEERS AND BOOING]
422
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,650
Okay, all right, here we go, Anthony.
423
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:29,654
♪♪
424
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,557
You're in my kingdom now,
425
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:36,461
and I say off with his head.
426
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,628
[LAUGHS]
427
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:41,366
[CHEERING]
428
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,267
[LAUGHS]
429
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,269
Donna.
430
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,539
♪♪
431
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,242
By royal decree,
432
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:54,412
I declare that I'm gonna...
433
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,648
Donna, I asked you if you had anything.
434
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,284
Uh, church announcement.
435
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,553
"The Wilson family thanks
you for your sympathy
436
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,689
and asks that in lieu of flowers,
437
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:08,393
you send", what I assume is
supposed to say "casserole".
438
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,294
"Casserole" has two S's, Donna.
439
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,363
"Let's b-b-b-body slam
440
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,565
this memorial service".
441
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,534
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] My
royal hounds are barking!
442
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,369
Where is my footstool?
443
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,572
CROWD: Footstool! Footstool!
Footstool! Footstool!
444
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,841
Where is that peasant?
445
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,277
- Come forth!
- Give me this!
446
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,312
Ah, shut up.
447
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:29,994
Anthony's not a footstool, okay?
448
00:17:29,996 --> 00:17:32,517
He's better than this.
He's better than you.
449
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,585
You know what? He's better than all you!
450
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,487
[BOOING]
451
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,822
- You suck.
- You suck.
452
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,591
And you're all just a
bunch of cousin-kissin',
453
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,527
river-swimmin',
454
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:45,646
Code Red-drinkin', Walmart-shoppin',
455
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,831
Rascal-scootin',
456
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,599
Natural Light-funnelin'
457
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,368
garbage monsters!
458
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,602
- [BOOING]
- You suck!
459
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,771
Hey, who the hell are you?
460
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,873
I'm Aces Wild!
461
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:59,152
[LAUGHTER]
462
00:17:59,154 --> 00:18:01,479
- That name sucks, dude.
- The name is good.
463
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,847
The name is solid.
464
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,816
You can not like me, but
don't say the name is bad,
465
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,218
because the name itself... [GRUNTING]
466
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:08,220
You don't belong here.
Get out of my kingdom!
467
00:18:08,222 --> 00:18:09,687
Give me this, give me
this, give me... just...
468
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,755
Aah, aah!
469
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,424
Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
470
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,470
[LAUGHS] Come on.
471
00:18:15,472 --> 00:18:17,762
There's no tickling in wrestling.
472
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,365
- I don't watch wrestling.
- Come on, J.G.!
473
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,849
You want to tickle, huh? How about that?
474
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,022
- [LAUGHING]
- How about that? How about that?
475
00:18:23,024 --> 00:18:24,300
Are they tickling each other?
476
00:18:24,302 --> 00:18:25,503
[GRUNTS] How about that?
477
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,338
Yeah!
478
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,740
[LAUGHS, SMOOCHES]
479
00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:30,541
[LAUGHING]
480
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,510
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
481
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,313
Throw yourself down the stairs.
482
00:18:34,315 --> 00:18:36,071
You're killing yourself
slowly with this crud,
483
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,415
so just get it over with.
484
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,318
The worst I can do is
break an ankle, sir.
485
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,043
Well, every time you take a hit of this,
486
00:18:42,045 --> 00:18:44,180
you break an ankle in your lungs.
487
00:18:44,182 --> 00:18:46,357
I don't want to break
my lung ankles, sir.
488
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,492
Oh, you don't want to break them?
489
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,793
Well, you're still doing it, aren't you?
490
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,928
You're doing it! Look at me.
491
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,530
You're vaping Berry Crunch.
492
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,798
[CRIES]
493
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,400
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
494
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,601
Okay.
495
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,336
What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
496
00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,472
Oh, my God.
497
00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:01,472
No, I didn't... I didn't
actually want you to do that.
498
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,508
- Oh.
- That was...
499
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:04,809
- supposed to scare you.
- Oh, you did.
500
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,577
You did. No more Berry Crunch.
501
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,781
I promise. You scared me straight.
502
00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:14,419
I mean, I'm still gay as a
tiger in a trundle bed, but...
503
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,653
Whoo!
504
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,522
No more cereal smoke. Mm-mm.
505
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,357
Thank you, Ralph, sir.
506
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,592
Thank you.
507
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,561
- [BOOING AND SHOUTING]
- [LAUGHS]
508
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,697
You suck! You suck!
509
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:26,898
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
510
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,468
[THUNDER BOOMS]
511
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,969
♪♪
512
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,972
I was once a lowly footstool
513
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,007
who dreamed he could be a flamingo
514
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,843
that soared above the heavens.
515
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,679
My dreams were thrown
in the trash by you,
516
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,648
Deznel Midnight!
517
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,984
But from the ashes of filth,
518
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,687
I am reborn!
519
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,290
Behold!
520
00:19:51,292 --> 00:19:52,968
I am Trash Phoenix,
521
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:54,992
and I am here to take your throne,
522
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,894
- King of Diamonds!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
523
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,696
[BIG FREEDIA'S "ALMOST FAMOUS"]
524
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,999
♪ Come on now, come on now ♪
525
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,767
♪ Come on now ♪
526
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,836
- You're beautiful!
- Trash Phoenix!
527
00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:06,938
You don't scare me.
528
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:09,907
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
529
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,909
♪♪
530
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,982
[INVESTIGATIVE MUSIC]
531
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,852
How did you know the
key was in that rock?
532
00:20:20,854 --> 00:20:23,019
Well, it was the only rock
with a price tag on it.
533
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,022
[SIGHS]
534
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:26,758
My baby gonna be stupid.
535
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:27,859
Yo. Over here.
536
00:20:27,861 --> 00:20:30,795
Oh, it's him.
537
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,697
- [SIGHS]
- I'm carrying a Dave.
538
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,499
How am I gonna love it?
539
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:35,600
You're not.
540
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,468
Hey. None of us will.
541
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,936
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Oh.
542
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,838
- [INAUDIBLE WHISPERING]
- I guess I left the door open.
543
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,674
- [WOMEN WHISPERING FRANTICALLY]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
544
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,343
Oh, thanks for driving, babe.
545
00:20:44,345 --> 00:20:46,955
That whiskey-glazed chicken
gets me tipsy every time.
546
00:20:46,957 --> 00:20:48,912
- [LAUGHS] I know.
- [LAUGHS] Aah!
547
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,250
- Aah!
- [GASPS] God!
548
00:20:50,252 --> 00:20:53,263
Mary, Stef, Michelle,
what... why are you here?
549
00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:54,852
You know the burglars?
550
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,888
I'm having your husband's baby.
551
00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:58,790
- What?
- Not again.
552
00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,458
- No, I did not cheat on you.
- [SIGHS]
553
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,560
I...
554
00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:05,596
I swear on the Baby Jesus.
555
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,465
Dave was her donor.
556
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,199
She accidentally picked
him from a clinic.
557
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,935
They gave her this photo.
558
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,804
A photo of my brother, John?
559
00:21:12,806 --> 00:21:13,971
♪♪
560
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,007
Of your whom?
561
00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,609
His handsome, tall, tech
entrepreneur brother,
562
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,944
who speaks four languages.
563
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:23,081
Who is also in jail for insider trading.
564
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:25,783
Oh. Oh, thank God.
565
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,785
[LAUGHTER] It's not a Dave.
566
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,788
Congratulations.
567
00:21:28,790 --> 00:21:31,823
Okay, thank you, Lord. It is not a Dave.
568
00:21:31,825 --> 00:21:33,624
[LAUGHTER]
569
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,860
He's in jail.
570
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:37,562
[BELL DINGS]
571
00:21:37,564 --> 00:21:39,497
Okay, here we go.
572
00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:42,567
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
573
00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:46,105
Let's see what you got, Trash Phoenix.
574
00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:48,106
Still look like a footstool to me.
575
00:21:48,108 --> 00:21:50,608
Aah!
576
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:53,111
[BOTH GRUNTING]
577
00:21:53,113 --> 00:21:55,113
- [WINCES]
- Come on, Anthony.
578
00:21:55,115 --> 00:21:56,681
Come on, Anthony!
579
00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:58,016
Aah!
580
00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:01,686
CROWD: Phoenix, Phoenix,
Phoenix, Phoenix, Phoenix,
581
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,988
Phoenix, Phoenix, Phoenix, Phoenix!
582
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,723
- Do you hear that?
- Hmm?
583
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:07,316
The crowd's going crazy. They love you.
584
00:22:07,318 --> 00:22:08,860
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Ka-kaw!
585
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:10,695
Ka-kaw!
586
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:12,030
Let's give the people what they want.
587
00:22:12,032 --> 00:22:13,097
You're going over.
588
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,066
Cha Cha Slide, one stomp this time.
589
00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:18,670
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
590
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,672
Come on, Whitlock!
591
00:22:20,674 --> 00:22:22,106
- Ka-kaw!
- Go, Anthony!
592
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:24,676
[HEROIC MUSIC]
593
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,744
Test of strength.
594
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:29,747
♪♪
595
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:30,882
[BOTH GRUNT]
596
00:22:30,884 --> 00:22:32,617
Come on!
597
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,852
Now I'm Tom Cruise, and you're Oprah.
598
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,788
- Aah!
- [GROANS]
599
00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:39,824
- [LAUGHS]
- [MOANS]
600
00:22:39,826 --> 00:22:41,066
- Come on, Anthony.
- Get out of it.
601
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,628
Now find your inner
Cruise, and I'm Oprah.
602
00:22:43,630 --> 00:22:45,129
[GRUNTS] I'm Oprah.
603
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:46,764
What? Aah!
604
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,066
Come on, Oprah!
605
00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:50,635
CROWD: Anthony, Anthony...
606
00:22:50,637 --> 00:22:51,969
[MOANING]
607
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:54,172
[GRUNTS]
608
00:22:54,174 --> 00:22:55,973
Ka-kaw!
609
00:22:55,975 --> 00:23:00,011
♪♪
610
00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:02,113
- CROWD: Ooh!
- [LAUGHS]
611
00:23:02,115 --> 00:23:04,949
ALL: One, two, three!
612
00:23:04,951 --> 00:23:07,885
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Yes!
613
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,153
Ka-kaw!
614
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:12,957
Here is your winner, Trash Phoenix!
615
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:16,127
Oh, my God, we won a
sports-adjacent contest.
616
00:23:16,129 --> 00:23:19,797
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
617
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:22,639
♪♪
618
00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:27,672
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
619
00:23:27,674 --> 00:23:30,975
[WARM MUSIC]
620
00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:33,644
- Deznel.
- Aces.
621
00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:37,646
♪♪
622
00:23:46,026 --> 00:23:50,026
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
42064
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