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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Previously, on "A.P. Bio..."
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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Little tweetie bastard. He got me again.
5
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Yeah, he was just... just
perched up there, you know,
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waiting for me to get out of my car.
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So I'm gonna go kill it right now.
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You guys should cut class today too.
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But I have perfect attendance.
10
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Hey, loosen up. Loosen up.
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In fact, you know what?
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If you don't walk out
of this class right now,
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I will mark you absent.
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All right, now does anyone
know where I can buy a gun?
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Probably everywhere, right? Yeah?
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♪♪
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Raw horse meat.
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It's a delicacy in Japan.
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I'll try it.
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My pallet is sophisticated.
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Arigato.
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Marissa, give me your jacket.
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[WHISPERING] Give me your jacket.
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Gimme your jacket.
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You just crapped your
capris, didn't you?
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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Also previously on "A.P. Bio..."
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The donor insemination worked.
29
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It's positive!
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They've all been positive.
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It's weird that you keep checking.
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Ooh, girl. You know I'm thorough.
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And you can never be too sure.
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Ooh. Ow.
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[CHUCKLES] The legs are growing.
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Oh, no. No, no, wait.
I'm... I'm still here.
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No... yeah, I understand.
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Bad news.
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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The mall's shut down.
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Well, fundraiser raised enough cash
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for Pam's veterinary bills,
but time is running out!
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She's one of the most
important rams in my life.
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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- Jack, are you leaving?
- Uh, yes.
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I'm going to do some, uh, bird watching.
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For Biology.
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I got a real ram-ergency on my hands.
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Would you deposit this in
Pam's account at First Federal?
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- No, I...
- I gotta go give her a sponge bath.
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Stat!
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS]
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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Also previously on "A.P. Bio..."
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[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
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Now that's the kind
of guy who skips class.
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Travis.
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He's the baddest boy in school.
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I heard he's a drug dealer.
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Out of my way, nerds.
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Oh!
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Sir, you dropped your...
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drug money.
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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God, I hope Pam pulls through.
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No principal should
outlive their mascot.
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Hey, do we really need all the trees
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outside around the school?
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Did you make the deposit?
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The... the... the deposit?
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Wh... oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, that's gone. But you know what?
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I'm more than happy to help cover the...
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Pam's $10,000 is gone?
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She's gonna die without it.
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Uh, yeah... no. Like you said, um,
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you know, I'm more than
happy to help find the thief
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who stole it off my desk!
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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Well, where are we
gonna do our mall walks?
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Do we break into the school
at night and do them here?
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Oh, you know what? I like that idea.
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Let's keep it just between us.
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You guys, I am so sorry.
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00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,318
I just texted our whole
mall walking group.
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00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,921
Oh, tell me you didn't
include Mr. "On your Left!"
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00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,390
I'm bad at secrets!
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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We should invest it. I'm telling you.
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- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- In mutual bonds.
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We can't spend this! It's too hot.
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And until we know what to do,
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Victor holds the money.
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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[CHIME]
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♪♪
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I'm holding the money now.
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♪♪
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[CHIME]
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♪♪
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These thirsty boys can't be trusted.
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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Also previously on "A.P. Bio..."
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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- Oh.
- Oh!
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Hey, excuse me.
108
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,566
Yeah, no. My bad.
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00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,001
I don't think we've officially met.
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Gary, geometry.
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I'm Dave, geology.
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00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,159
- Such a pleasure. Here we are.
- Yeah.
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00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:04,976
- Do you want some coffee?
- Yeah.
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00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,444
[LAUGHS] That's exactly
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00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,578
what I was gonna drink.
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS]
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Hm.
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,453
Why would anyone dance
like no one's watching?
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- That doesn't make any sense.
- [GASPS]
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Who would do this?
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Well, I know a few women
who are none too pleased
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with my behaviors.
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- And you wanna know the worst part?
- _
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Stuff like this tends
to get me more followers
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on my Whitlock live stream.
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00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,873
[DRAMATIC STING]
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00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,910
Coach, can I tell you something?
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My wife is coming to
visit me at work tomorrow.
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Okay. Why is your nose sweatin'?
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'Cause I might have told
her that... I'm a teacher.
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Oh, man.
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[LAUGHING] You're in trouble.
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00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,859
[DRAMATIC STING]
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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♪♪
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[SIGHS]
138
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,902
Have you seen an envelope with 10 grand?
139
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,904
I'm the one who found the money.
140
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,940
I am the money finder!
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00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,509
Keep it up, you're gonna
find my foot in your ass.
142
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,511
- Are you wearing a wire?
- Hey...
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00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,046
It's my puka shell necklace.
144
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,515
I... I was trying something new.
145
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:20,018
Grandma told me I should've
gone to parochial school.
146
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,954
But no, I needed to
have a drama program.
147
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,922
Well, here's your drama, Anthony!
148
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,725
Why did I try horse again?
149
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,060
All right, y'all. Stop, stop.
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Stop!
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00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,931
The money is tearing us
apart. Don't y'all see that?
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00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,701
We're gonna return
everything that we bought,
153
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,704
and then we're gonna give
the money back to Travis.
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00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,741
That's the only way we're
gonna be free, y'all.
155
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,077
I've always had this coat.
156
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,679
[DRAMATIC STING]
157
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Also previously on "A.P. Bio..."
158
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,517
I've been vandalized.
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00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,553
And do you wanna know who
the real homewrecker is?
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00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,089
It's the guy reno-ing my bathroom.
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He came in with a sledgehammer...
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00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,158
Joyce. You did it.
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I'm sick. I'm sick.
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I'm sick. I'm sick.
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Please don't hate me.
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00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,765
Of course not. You're my friend.
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I would do anything for you.
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Anything?
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00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,804
[DRAMATIC STING]
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Dale! There you are.
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I just went into the ladies room,
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and one of the toilets
is clogged up again,
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00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,712
so could you take a look at that?
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Maybe hit it with the fecal snake.
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00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,783
Thanks. Hi.
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- What a weird thing to say to a teacher.
- [GIGGLES]
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00:06:28,123 --> 00:06:29,921
Normally, people just
ask me about outer space
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00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,264
- or bibliographies.
- Mm-hmm.
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Good morning.
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00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,759
I'm Dick. I'm the principal.
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Of the school.
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♪♪
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00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,132
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,735
- That was Pam's veterinarian.
- Oh.
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00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,103
Pam's taken a turn for the worse.
186
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,605
If she doesn't get surgery soon...
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♪♪
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It's bad news.
189
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,977
[DRAMATIC STING]
190
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,812
Hey, Winston. Hey.
191
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:57,015
It's Ralph! I was thinking.
192
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,750
What if we got the
ska band back together?
193
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,952
Huh? Yeah, do a couple of benefit shows.
194
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,688
Make some, uh... Oh, you never broke up?
195
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:07,025
Oh. You...
196
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,395
Oh, you just kicked me out.
197
00:07:09,397 --> 00:07:11,029
Hey, Mom! Hey!
198
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,931
Listen. Um, how much money do you have?
199
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,869
Okay, and that's supposed to last you...
200
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,071
through the rest of the time?
201
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,839
'Cause you know...
202
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,775
It's just like oatmeal
and Mr. Pibb with you.
203
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,177
I don't... what else are
you spending the money on?
204
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,431
How much for a mint
condition Sensation Comics #1,
205
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:33,618
the first-ever cover
appearance of Wonder Woman.
206
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,720
Really? Oh, okay.
207
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,622
How would I get one of those?
208
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,923
[DRAMATIC STING]
209
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,859
- ♪♪
- _
210
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,136
I thought it was at least
something more like surprising.
211
00:07:44,138 --> 00:07:45,338
- No way.
- [LAUGHS]
212
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,098
On your left!
213
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,033
Oh, hell no!
214
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,669
♪♪
215
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,171
[DRAMATIC STING]
216
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,871
Thank you. I appreciate your cough drop.
217
00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:55,973
That was very nice.
218
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,075
Hmph.
219
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,943
Oh. Hey, Gary.
220
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,146
[DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS]
221
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:06,148
♪♪
222
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,823
ALL: Also previously on "A.P. Bio..."
223
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,791
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
224
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,893
I know what kind of person you are,
225
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,537
and I know what you can do.
226
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:20,832
So, your money is in my locker.
227
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,734
- ♪♪
- _
228
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,870
[DRAMATIC STING]
229
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,974
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
230
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,645
Oh, quit faking, you old baby.
231
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,913
[CRASHING]
232
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:38,016
Oh, no. That's not good.
233
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,050
Oh.
234
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,952
I'm calling 911.
235
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,322
Oh, God. Are we gonna get in trouble?
236
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:45,440
Um, a medical emergency
on school grounds?
237
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,858
Yeah.
238
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,093
All right, if we all just
keep our mouths shut,
239
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,661
we'll all be okay.
240
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,665
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
241
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,200
♪♪
242
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,804
So, uh, we cut class
like you told us to.
243
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,842
And we ended up with this.
244
00:09:04,747 --> 00:09:06,715
Uh...
245
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:08,254
It seems that the drug dealer and I
246
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,214
have had a deep misunderstanding.
247
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,850
Yeah?
248
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,019
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
249
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,955
Somebody at this school knows
where that stolen money is!
250
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,158
I'm declaring martial law.
251
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,560
Attention, Whitlock.
252
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,770
The school is officially on lockdown.
253
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:24,773
Lock it up!
254
00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:26,075
Our community has experienced
255
00:09:26,077 --> 00:09:27,734
a serious violation of trust.
256
00:09:27,736 --> 00:09:29,003
Not funny!
257
00:09:29,005 --> 00:09:31,402
No one is leaving until
we get to the bottom of it.
258
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,773
Don't even try it.
259
00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:35,773
Helen and I are coming
to every classroom.
260
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,276
And may God have mercy on your souls.
261
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,011
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
262
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,879
Was that about us?
263
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,916
We... are... hosed.
264
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,952
[DRAMATIC STRING MUSIC]
265
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,921
That was definitely about us.
266
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,856
Mm-hmm.
267
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,792
We are deeply, deeply hosed.
268
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,794
♪♪
269
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,975
[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
270
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,343
One, two, three, four!
271
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,079
♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
272
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,717
♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
273
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,628
And now, "A.P. Bio".
274
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,031
_
275
00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:32,063
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
276
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,865
Why did we let in
277
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,867
that old dude with a weak heart?
278
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,511
I mean, it felt so good
smoking his old ass,
279
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,871
but at what cost?
280
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,006
I mean, now he's sitting
pretty in the hospital
281
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,108
and we're probably
gonna lose our damn jobs.
282
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,778
I can't lose my job!
283
00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:47,111
Keith just subscribed to one of those
284
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,724
expensive meal delivery services.
285
00:10:49,726 --> 00:10:50,859
We're gonna get out of this.
286
00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,275
We just have to get our story straight
287
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,738
- before Durbin starts sniffing around.
- Yeah.
288
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,863
- Yeah, like weren't sneaking in.
- Mm-mm!
289
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,423
Okay, we were staying late.
290
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,024
Grading papers.
291
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,079
Yeah. Yeah.
292
00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:02,427
And the old dude was...
293
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,371
an Uber driver, uh,
and we had to call him
294
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,831
because I was having car trouble.
295
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:07,867
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
296
00:11:07,869 --> 00:11:10,972
And he begged, okay, to
come into the school, okay?
297
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,546
- Because he...
- He always had a weird thing about peeing
298
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,875
in the smaller toilets you
find in school bathrooms.
299
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,044
Or we just say he had to pee.
300
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,504
Okay, it's simple.
301
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:23,431
- Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right, okay.
302
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,650
Grading, Uber, pee.
303
00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:27,401
You got it, Michelle? You can do this.
304
00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,371
That's the same thing
you said when I caught you
305
00:11:29,373 --> 00:11:30,654
eating Steph's last fudge pop,
306
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:34,108
and I just told her now,
and I'm still telling her!
307
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,193
Somebody stop me. Help!
308
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,394
Just stick to the script.
309
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,862
- Okay, Michelle?
- Yeah.
310
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,197
Mary,
311
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,199
you owe my baby some fudge.
312
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,201
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
313
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,744
Hey, hey. Calm down.
314
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,137
Hey, hey! Chill out.
315
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,439
Principal Durbin and Ms. DeMarcus
are going to be here soon.
316
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,274
- What do we do?
- We're dead.
317
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,508
You can all go down
for this, but not me.
318
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,543
I'm clean.
319
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,113
Your pants might disagree.
320
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,347
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [CHUCKLES]
321
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,116
Private joke. Just ignore it.
322
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,084
You got diarrhea from eating horse meat.
323
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,285
They filled me in.
324
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,087
Look, it might be embarrassing,
325
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,956
but at least it's not illegal.
326
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,792
You know, she's right. Okay?
327
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,559
Your petty little squabbles
are nothing compared
328
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,603
to Possession with Intent to Distribute.
329
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,096
We need a plan here.
330
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,649
We could flush it,
get the little fishies
331
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,467
in the Maumee River all hopped up good.
332
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,969
[CLEARS THROAT]
333
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,504
Speaking hypothetically,
334
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,973
I don't think the school's
plumbing can handle
335
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,616
even a simple pair of cotton underwear,
336
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:26,110
let alone... all of that.
337
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,813
We're not flushing anything, okay?
338
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,580
We're gonna hide the drugs
until we can sell them
339
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,416
and get the money back.
340
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,118
I hate to be that guy, but...
341
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,020
you're all drug dealers now.
342
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,424
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
343
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,427
And that's basically the Vietnam War.
344
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,096
Definitely no picnic.
345
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,197
Okay?
346
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,000
Helen, Principal Durbin.
347
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,369
Welcome.
348
00:12:50,371 --> 00:12:52,070
I think you know why we're here.
349
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,691
If anyone has anything
350
00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:57,107
they would like to own up to first...
351
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,877
Yeah. Right.
352
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,001
Um, okay, so see, what had happened was,
353
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:02,605
um, if y'all were curious,
354
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,182
is that we were here last night.
355
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,985
Grading papers.
356
00:13:05,987 --> 00:13:09,120
Um, and we called an Uber
because Mary had car trouble.
357
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,321
- What?
- Yeah.
358
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,024
Corollas are usually so reliable!
359
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,327
Yeah. You know, of course they are.
360
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,430
Uh, but her tires were slashed.
361
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,100
What is happening at this school?
362
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,150
Now we gotta go check out
the parking lot, I guess.
363
00:13:24,152 --> 00:13:25,506
Oh, you checking out the parking lot...
364
00:13:25,508 --> 00:13:28,039
You know, you guys know an amusing thing
365
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,475
about pregnant women is
how frequently they urinate.
366
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,312
So, excuse me.
367
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,082
Have you guys texted your friends
368
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,550
about buying some cocaine?
369
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,053
I mean, I feel like you're
not helping here. Wh...
370
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,088
You made us skip. You lost the money.
371
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,698
It's kind of all your fault.
372
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,325
Well, let's...
373
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,028
let's set that aside for
the moment, Sarika, okay?
374
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,330
Let's... let's fish that
out of a clogged toilet,
375
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,531
ball it up, and throw it deep
376
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,234
into the bathroom garbage,
okay, for the moment.
377
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,398
For the moment, maybe toss a
few paper towels on top, okay?
378
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,901
'Cause I'm not going down for this!
379
00:13:59,903 --> 00:14:02,240
If they come for you,
boss, I'll take the fall.
380
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,970
I thought I'd be the first in
my family to go to college,
381
00:14:04,972 --> 00:14:07,078
but instead, I'll be
the 19th in my family
382
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,113
to go to jail.
383
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,615
Okay, no. Heather, you can't do that.
384
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,618
Look, I'll confess to it all.
385
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,386
I'll take the fall for you.
386
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,022
ALL: Aww.
387
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,224
Dan, no.
388
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,293
You're a good friend.
389
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:26,030
I can't let you go down for this.
390
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,201
I'll take the fall.
391
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,105
S-somebody gonna...
392
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,208
That daisy-chain lost momentum quickly.
393
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,610
No, no one person is
taking the fall for this.
394
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,379
We'll find a place to hide it, okay?
395
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,348
I mean, obviously we
can't keister it, you know?
396
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,985
If you change your mind,
I do have 16 condoms.
397
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,254
Well, th... uh...
398
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,622
Good.
399
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,058
I support that.
400
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,260
But what's something else?
401
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,596
Eyes on your own paper, Marie.
402
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,899
Oh.
403
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,265
So real quick.
404
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,035
Mary's tires got slashed last night
405
00:15:03,037 --> 00:15:05,205
when we were here together working.
406
00:15:05,207 --> 00:15:07,141
- Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right.
407
00:15:07,143 --> 00:15:09,073
Plus, when Durbin came to my classroom,
408
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,825
I told him that we stayed extra late
409
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,377
because we're all writing a play
410
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,545
called "The Princess and the Snow Cone".
411
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,848
- A play?
- No, no, no.
412
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:17,415
Don't even worry about
it. It's super simple.
413
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,584
Okay, the king of an
ancient tropical land
414
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,585
tells the princess that
she can have anything
415
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,454
that her heart desires for her birthday.
416
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,324
But he never counted on
her asking for a snow cone,
417
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,160
an impossible wish due to
the lack of refrigeration
418
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,429
and aforementioned tropicality.
419
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,297
Also there's a bear?
420
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,633
I think I got this, okay? I can do it.
421
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,335
Good morning, Ralph.
422
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,437
Mm... that was too forced, right?
423
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,305
Good morning, Ralph.
No, that's the same.
424
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,898
Welcome to the classroom, Ralph.
425
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,275
Ralph, hello.
426
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,693
Everybody gets into accidents walking.
427
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,311
Some people have to practice walking.
428
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,580
Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! It's okay.
429
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,116
It's okay. Everybody take a breath.
430
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,218
You all take a breath too.
Tale a breath in and out.
431
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,320
In and out! But keep your eyes down.
432
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,722
You keep your eyes up!
433
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,323
Ralph, get out of my classroom!
434
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,125
Nobody can come in here!
435
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,460
This is my room!
436
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,295
Oh, God. They're closing in.
437
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,596
Okay, Jack. Um, think.
438
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,298
We've gotta hide it. Um...
439
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,667
What do we do, what do
we do, what do we do? Um...
440
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,670
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
441
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,706
♪♪
442
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,175
And this guy starts like, "Oh!"
443
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,476
I can't believe she caved.
444
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,244
Like, really, really.
445
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,347
And we didn't know what to do with him!
446
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,482
Yes. We did it.
447
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,933
It was us.
448
00:16:26,935 --> 00:16:29,904
We are the ones that
brought the ice down
449
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,389
from the misty mountains.
450
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,324
Take this back to the princess,
451
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,463
and she can have her snow cone!
452
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,297
Curtain. Intermission.
453
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,233
Wow, that... that all happens in act 1?
454
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,769
- That's amazing!
- I have a few notes.
455
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,306
I feel like it owes a big debt
to "Emperor's New Groove".
456
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,408
Well, yeah, that's... oh! Oh.
457
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,478
Michelle was telling us about
the new play you guys wrote.
458
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,679
Oh, my God, Ralph, we have
to go find the missing money.
459
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,515
We... oh, my God.
460
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,717
Did she say "missing money"?
461
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,353
I can't wait to see the rest of this.
462
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,455
I can't believe you open in a week!
463
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,590
[CHUCKLES]
464
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,759
[SIGHS]
465
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,260
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
466
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,630
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
467
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,365
Little bit more...
468
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,667
Little bit more... oh!
469
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:18,736
Just about... [GRUNTS]
470
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,571
Hi. Hey.
471
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,293
Durbin, Helen. Yeah, come on in.
472
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:25,834
So yeah, as you guys can see,
standing up on something
473
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,713
flexes the tibialis interior muscle
474
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,648
which stabilizes the leg and the foot.
475
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,284
ALL: Oh!
476
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,318
Yeah.
477
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,386
Oh, okay.
478
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,488
Well, we'll just make this quick.
479
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,590
We are looking for a...
480
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,592
[THUD]
481
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,207
Any update on Pam?
482
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,568
- [BELL RINGS]
- On the next "A.P. Bio..."
483
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,747
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
484
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,649
I know exactly what that is.
485
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,285
We snorted a lot of it in the '80s.
486
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,886
It's pure baking flour.
487
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,355
♪♪
488
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,490
It's called a bread bump.
489
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,361
♪♪
490
00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:18,265
Yeah, so I found the guy who
sold Victor that fake cocaine.
491
00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:19,897
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tackled him,
492
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,432
and he whipped around
and grabbed my throat.
493
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,633
Gouge his eyes!
494
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,369
Yeah, uh, well, this already happened.
495
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,436
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
496
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,705
So, anyway, um, I broke free.
497
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,540
And I had an opening for a death blow,
498
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,743
but I didn't wanna kill
him 'cause he's a student.
499
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:34,312
I wish more of our teachers
had your restraint.
500
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,647
So, long story short...
501
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,915
I got the money back.
502
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,717
So who is it?
503
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,719
I can never tell.
504
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,321
[WHISPERING] He's an undercover cop.
505
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,656
BOTH: What?
506
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,525
Yeah, so we better just, you know,
507
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,659
look the other way on this one.
508
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,161
And that's coming down from the brass.
509
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:51,227
[GASPS] Oh!
510
00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:53,631
Pam! We gotta get our sweet
princess to the veterinarian.
511
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,400
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Thank you.
512
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,769
Also on the next "A.P. Bio..."
513
00:18:57,771 --> 00:19:00,872
You're the principal, yes?
514
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,774
You're richer than teacher?
515
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,509
Powerful?
516
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,444
Uh, yes, I'm the top dog.
517
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,479
I'm the #1 guy.
518
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,583
[MOANING]
519
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,820
[DRAMATIC STING]
520
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,922
Oh, my sweet princess,
521
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,824
how I failed thee.
522
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,427
What need I hands if
not to deliver to you
523
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,562
thy cone of snow?
524
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,565
Ow!
525
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,567
[GRUNTS] Shit. Sorry.
526
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,968
[DRAMATIC STING]
527
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,771
Also on the next "A.P. Bio..."
528
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,799
So yours truly snuck out
his back window, right,
529
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,543
when his lady got home.
530
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,579
There you are, you man-stealing bitch!
531
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,013
You slept with my boyfriend,
532
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,807
biology teacher Jack Griffin!
533
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,451
So what if I did?
534
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,888
And by the way, he was terrible.
535
00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:49,990
[GASPS]
536
00:19:49,992 --> 00:19:51,493
Gotta go. Back soon.
537
00:19:51,495 --> 00:19:53,889
Okay, I love the part
about Jack being bad in bed.
538
00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:56,068
- Oh, thank you.
- Did we get a good cliffhanger for you?
539
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,071
Oh, yeah.
540
00:19:57,073 --> 00:19:59,272
The pigs are definitely sniffing around
541
00:19:59,274 --> 00:20:00,341
for a mushroom.
542
00:20:00,343 --> 00:20:01,944
[BOTH LAUGHING]
543
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:05,403
Hey, it's Dave, right?
544
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,472
[BLEEP] off, Gary.
545
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,707
[DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS]
546
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,642
[DRAMATIC STING]
547
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,911
Thanks, King Dad.
548
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,747
And I never could have done it
549
00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:19,484
without the indigenous
peoples of this place.
550
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,953
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
551
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,922
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
552
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,558
♪♪
553
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,430
[LOUDER CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
554
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,532
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
555
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,968
Also on the next "A.P. Bio..."
556
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,537
Pam the Ram made it
through surgery, Ralph!
557
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,605
Yeah!
558
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,473
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Ow, oh.
559
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,908
Helen...
560
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,777
did you give her one of your kidneys?
561
00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:47,011
[GONG RINGS]
562
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,881
Life is crazy.
563
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:53,584
It's crazy that Pam the Ram
survived this whole transplant,
564
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,054
only to be hit by a bus.
565
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,756
And it's even crazier that she survived
566
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,591
being hit by a bus
567
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,727
and that this
568
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,929
is the bus driver's funeral.
569
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,465
You know, Neil Young said,
570
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,801
"It's better to burn
out than fade away".
571
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,070
And Def Leppard quoted him
572
00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:14,072
in their song, "Rock of Ages",
573
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,841
which Deborah's niece will now play
574
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,843
on the trombone.
575
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,611
Ophelia?
576
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,948
[TROMBONE BLARING BADLY]
577
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,652
♪♪
578
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,789
[SIGHS]
579
00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:34,692
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
580
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:38,694
♪♪
581
00:21:49,378 --> 00:21:54,378
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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