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[music playing]
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MAN: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[music playing]
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Hi Mel.
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Hey Sally.
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What do you think you're doing?
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I'm packing your old clothes for the charity drive.
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Old clothes?
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Those are my current clothes.
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I wore these on the subway this morning.
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Sorry.
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Here but I do have something for you.
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It's never been worn, it's
beautiful, and it's very expensive.
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Well then, why are you giving it away?
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It's also a size 8.
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You're not a size 8.
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Oh, you've noticed.
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No, I figured if I bought an expensive dress that I
couldn't fit into that I'd be forced to lose weight.
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Good idea.
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No, bad idea because every time
I try it on, I get depressed.
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So?
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So, and I get depressed, I grab something fattening.
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I don't see why you couldn't let out a seam or two.
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Mel, don't touch it.
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It's you.
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Come on now buddy, cut it out.
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Mel's collecting for charity, be a little charitable, will you?
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I'm being charitable.
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I didn't say that dress looked rotten on him.
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Sally, I promise you that during this year I
don't know exactly when, but I guarantee this,
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you can write it down.
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I'll sign it and have it notarized.
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I guarantee I will punch this fat little man in
his fat little nose-- That's your yogurt Mel?
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That's my yogurt, and you're paying for it.
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Sally, if Rob brings in anything for the charity
drive, just have him put it in that box.
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OK now.
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Hey, yogurt finger.
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I brought some old clothes.
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Should I just throw them in the box?
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Not till they've been fumigated.
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You see that Sal?
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I try and try, he just won't be friendly.
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Hey, maybe you forgot his birthday.
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No, I remembered his birthday.
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I sent the usual things, 100 pounds of fertilizer.
55
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Oh, hi Rob.
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Oh, hi Rob.
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Buddy, what did you just say to Mel?
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Not enough.
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How'd you know the boys chatted?
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Well I passed him in the hall.
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He just punched the fire extinguisher
and said, take that fat nose.
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Hey, are those for Mel's charity?
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Oh, yeah I grabbed a few things.
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Yeah, me too.
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How do you like this?
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A tuxedo?
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Yeah.
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Look Buddy, people in depressed countries
don't go to formal banquets too often.
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Now they can go.
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All right, I'll find some use for it.
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Don't worry.
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Well, I hope somebody can use this stuff.
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Hey, how'd you rip the pocket?
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I didn't rip the pocket.
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What happened?
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Did your handkerchief explode?
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No, my neighbor did.
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Jerry ruined your beautiful jacket?
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Yeah, among other things.
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What else did he ruin?
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Well, our friendship for one thing.
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We haven't spoken to each other for two weeks.
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Yeah, we know that. Don't we buddy?
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- Yeah. - You know why?
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Oh, we figured you were mad at each other.
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No.
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Because we believe in
diametrically opposed ideologies.
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Oh, he believes in ripping up your
jacket, and you just don't like that.
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No.
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No, I believe in constitutional government.
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That guy believes in mob rule.
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Now, let me get this straight.
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Just because you believe in constitutional government
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and Jerry believes in mob rule, he ripped up your
jacket, and you're not talking to each other?
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Oh no.
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The reason we're not talking is
because the guy's a stubborn nut.
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I don't think political differences
should set neighbors apart.
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But, I sent him an invitation to that
party last week, he never even answered it.
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Well, maybe he was too busy ripping up your jacket.
108
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Hey, why'd he do that?
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Well, probably because I pulled a button off his jacket.
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You ripped a button, he ripped a pocket.
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Sounds like a game, pocket button.
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And I could play, but all I got is a zipper.
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But how do you like the guy?
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He never even answered my invitation.
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Well, how could he minus 1 button?
116
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Hey, when did Jerry start the jazz with the mob rule?
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Well, it was about the time Gilbert
Bester moved next door to us.
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Ooh, there's a name.
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Gilbert Bester?
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Sounds like a disease.
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To Jerry and his little group of
neighborhood vigilantes, he was a disease.
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And we were dedicated to stamping them out too.
125
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It was about two weeks ago.
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It was the night that Laura and I were
making out the invitations for the party.
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Darling, I'm sending an invitation
to Mel Cooley and his wife.
130
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So, you better warn Buddy.
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- Don't worry, I will. - OK.
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How many are you planning on?
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18.
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Uh, 20 if you think we ought to have Millie and Jerry.
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Why shouldn't we have Millie and Jerry?
136
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Well, the way you and Jerry acted at the meeting last
night, I thought you were going to hit each other.
138
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Well honey, that was a political meeting.
139
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This thing is social.
140
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Well, I just thought you might feel a little
more comfortable if Jerry didn't come.
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Honey, you know something?
143
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That's what's wrong with the world today.
144
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If people are going to live together peaceably,
we've got to keep the lines of communication open.
146
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Well then Darling, why don't you call Jerry and invite him?
147
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Because I don't want to talk to that rat.
148
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Darling, you just said about the lines of communication.
149
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Yeah, I know what I said honey.
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But, I'd rather just send them an invitation to the party.
151
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Maybe by Saturday night I'll be cooled
off enough to be friendly to him.
153
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OK, would you put these in the mail for me tomorrow?
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Yeah.
155
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You won't forget?
156
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No, I won't forget because I'm going to
wear this jacket tomorrow, and this lump
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here is going to bother me.
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I'll get it.
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Laura.
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Rob, I'd like to see Rob.
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Rob.
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Hi Jerry.
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Hi.
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What can I do for you?
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You know what.
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Waldo and Jim are waiting outside, and they want you
to join and help us do the job that we have to do.
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Jerry, Gilbert Bester is not ruining this community.
171
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Jerry, why did you come over here?
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Rob made himself quite clear at the meeting last night.
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Honey, I can talk for myself.
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Jerry, why did you come over here?
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I made myself perfectly clear at the meeting last night.
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You just said that.
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I didn't, she did.
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Look, Jerry, if you think that Rob and I are going
to become a part of your vigilante committee--
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Honey, I can talk for myself Jerry, if you
think we're going to become a part of your--
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Then you are very much mistaken Jerry.
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And Furthermore-- Honey, please. and furthermore--
And Furthermore you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
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I'm sorry.
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I didn't come here for a lecture.
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We're not trying to give you a lecture.
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Stereo, yes.
190
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Jerry, how dare you trespass on a man's property
simply because you don't like the looks of his lawn?
193
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We don't care what his lawn looks like.
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But, we do care that it's all crabgrass.
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He happens to like the looks of crabgrass.
196
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Then let him grow it inside the house.
197
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Then the weeds won't infect our lawn.
198
00:06:46,045 --> 00:06:48,681
Now, look Rob, we're going over there
and we're going to kill his crabgrass,
200
00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,116
and nobody's going to stop us.
201
00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:51,885
Jerry, that is vandalism.
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00:06:51,985 --> 00:06:53,219
It's not vandalism.
203
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We are not going to poison one blade of acceptable grass.
204
00:06:55,822 --> 00:06:58,057
You haven't got any right to poison anything.
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Ethically, legally, or morally.
206
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,528
It's undemocratic.
207
00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:04,430
Is it Democratic for one guy to allow sub 43 lawns?
208
00:07:04,531 --> 00:07:07,967
Jerry, look just because I don't
like that button there on your coat.
210
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,169
What's wrong with it?
211
00:07:09,269 --> 00:07:10,970
Well, let's just say it offends me, all right?
212
00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:13,206
Now, do I have a right to walk up to you and rip it off you?
213
00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:14,441
Huh?
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00:07:14,541 --> 00:07:17,977
Legally, morally, ethically,
do I have any right to walk up and yank--
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00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:24,984
Did you see that?
217
00:07:28,521 --> 00:07:30,290
Jerry, why did you do that?
218
00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:32,058
Well, that was a reflex action.
219
00:07:32,158 --> 00:07:33,293
Yeah.
220
00:07:33,393 --> 00:07:34,460
All right, you go rip up a guy's lawn.
221
00:07:34,561 --> 00:07:36,963
He's liable to have a reflex action to
come over smash a couple of your windows,
223
00:07:37,063 --> 00:07:38,465
or a couple of noses on your face.
224
00:07:38,565 --> 00:07:41,634
Listen, it just so happens that some people
don't care what happens to our neighborhood!
226
00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:42,769
We care very much what happens.
227
00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:44,304
Now just a second honey, look.
228
00:07:44,404 --> 00:07:47,173
But, we're not going to run around act like a
bunch of-- We care very much what happens.
230
00:07:47,273 --> 00:07:49,876
We're not going to run around looking
like a bunch of-- I don't know what!
232
00:07:49,976 --> 00:07:52,846
Well, I'd rather be an I don't know what than a weasel!
233
00:07:52,946 --> 00:07:54,147
A weasel?
234
00:07:54,247 --> 00:07:55,148
Yeah! Come on, let's go guys!
235
00:07:55,248 --> 00:07:56,449
Let's go!
236
00:07:56,549 --> 00:07:57,517
Why don't you guys put hoods on your heads?
237
00:07:57,617 --> 00:08:01,187
You're a bunch of-- He's an
anarchist, that's what he is.
239
00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:02,455
He's an anarchist. - That's it!
240
00:08:02,555 --> 00:08:03,857
You're an anarchist! A stupid anarchist!
241
00:08:03,957 --> 00:08:04,657
Who? Who?
242
00:08:04,757 --> 00:08:06,192
Your husband, that is who.
243
00:08:06,292 --> 00:08:08,228
That's is not a nice thing to say about your neighbor.
244
00:08:08,328 --> 00:08:10,029
He is no neighbor of mine.
245
00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:10,730
What is that?
246
00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:14,133
It's a small shovel.
247
00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:15,335
What's he talking about?
248
00:08:15,435 --> 00:08:20,273
Jerry called Rob a weasel because Rob refused to
go out there-- I would call anybody that is going
251
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:22,308
to do what he and his stupid friends are about to do.
252
00:08:22,408 --> 00:08:25,612
Well, I was just about to join Jerry and his stupid friends.
253
00:08:25,712 --> 00:08:27,413
All right, then that goes for you too!
254
00:08:27,513 --> 00:08:28,615
- Oh! - Why don't you hurry up.
255
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:29,515
Get down the street there.
256
00:08:29,616 --> 00:08:30,683
You'll miss all the fun.
257
00:08:30,783 --> 00:08:33,386
Well, you live next door to people
and you think you know them.
259
00:08:33,486 --> 00:08:35,288
Oh!
260
00:08:35,388 --> 00:08:36,356
Where all those invitations?
261
00:08:36,456 --> 00:08:37,323
I just changed my mind.
262
00:08:37,423 --> 00:08:38,858
No you didn't Rob.
263
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,693
Remember what you said about the lines of communication?
264
00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:43,329
Well, let's keep them open.
265
00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:44,564
All right, all right.
266
00:08:44,664 --> 00:08:45,899
I'll send it.
267
00:08:45,999 --> 00:08:50,870
But, I just hope they have the common
decency, and good judgment to stay home.
269
00:08:50,970 --> 00:08:52,872
So do I.
270
00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:55,041
I'll tell you who this Gilbert Bester is.
271
00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:55,875
Nobody likes him.
272
00:08:55,975 --> 00:08:56,976
He's an arrogant son of a gun.
273
00:08:57,076 --> 00:08:58,144
He's anti-social.
274
00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:01,014
But, it doesn't give anybody an excuse
to take things into their own hands.
276
00:09:01,114 --> 00:09:02,749
What did Jerry and the posse do to with his lawn?
277
00:09:02,849 --> 00:09:07,220
You mean what did Bester's
doberman pinschers do to the posse?
279
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,421
Did they protect those weeds.
280
00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:09,756
[laughter]
281
00:09:09,856 --> 00:09:11,424
Rob, well you see, it evened out after all.
282
00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:12,825
Justice triumphs.
283
00:09:12,926 --> 00:09:15,895
Well, the thing that hurt was he
never answered my dinner invitation.
285
00:09:15,995 --> 00:09:18,932
Well, maybe they couldn't come
because it was a sit down dinner.
287
00:09:19,032 --> 00:09:21,534
Yeah.
288
00:09:21,634 --> 00:09:22,769
What is that?
289
00:09:22,869 --> 00:09:25,638
Well, maybe the doberman's
pinched them in their sit downs.
291
00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:29,509
What have you got for me?
292
00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:30,743
Hatred.
293
00:09:34,714 --> 00:09:36,816
Now, we've got some nice things for you.
294
00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:38,217
I brought a coat there.
295
00:09:38,318 --> 00:09:39,185
Mel, it's ripped.
296
00:09:39,285 --> 00:09:40,320
Laura tried to sow it up.
297
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:41,754
Oh, I can fix it for you Mel.
298
00:09:41,854 --> 00:09:42,956
Oh, you don't have to.
299
00:09:43,056 --> 00:09:45,024
The wardrobe girls have volunteered.
300
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:48,027
Oh, by the way, Alan wants to
see you in his office right away.
302
00:09:48,127 --> 00:09:49,395
He needs some big jokes for the monologue.
303
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:50,597
Why don't you volunteer?
304
00:09:50,697 --> 00:09:52,432
You're the biggest joke around here.
305
00:09:52,532 --> 00:09:53,333
Enough already.
306
00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:54,367
No, no let him go.
307
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:55,935
Let him go.
308
00:09:56,035 --> 00:09:58,905
The more he says, the closer he comes to a cauliflower nose.
309
00:09:59,005 --> 00:10:02,308
As long as you've got a cauliflower
you can put it on top of your head.
311
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:05,578
Hey, you have a little vegetation up there anyway.
312
00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,180
Oh yeah, let-- no leave me alone!
313
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,384
I [inaudible]
314
00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:14,020
[music playing]
315
00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:17,757
I'll mail it.
316
00:10:23,329 --> 00:10:28,868
2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12.
317
00:10:28,968 --> 00:10:31,804
You know, if he really wanted to make up,
he could have walked across the front lawn
319
00:10:31,904 --> 00:10:33,172
and rang the doorbell.
320
00:10:33,272 --> 00:10:34,240
Jerry.
321
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:35,975
And I'm not going.
322
00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:39,479
It wouldn't kill you if you walked across his front
lawn, you know. - Hey, you know what'd he do?
324
00:10:39,579 --> 00:10:41,914
He'd probably call the cops and
have me arrested for trespassing.
326
00:10:42,015 --> 00:10:44,584
Well, at least he's making an attempt to make up.
327
00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:45,852
What do you mean?
328
00:10:45,952 --> 00:10:48,855
You call sending us a last minute
dinner invitation trying to make up?
330
00:10:48,955 --> 00:10:50,356
The party's tonight, Saturday night.
331
00:10:50,456 --> 00:10:53,092
He sent this thing on Friday afternoon from downtown.
332
00:10:53,192 --> 00:10:54,727
He was planning for it to arrive late.
333
00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:55,995
Then it came in time, didn't it?
334
00:10:56,095 --> 00:10:56,929
What do you mean in time?
335
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,097
It came this afternoon.
336
00:10:58,197 --> 00:11:00,099
What does he think,
we have nothing to do on Saturday nights?
338
00:11:00,199 --> 00:11:01,100
We don't.
339
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,368
What do you call counting pennies?
340
00:11:04,904 --> 00:11:08,775
You know, he might be trying to make up for not
inviting us to that thing they gave last week.
342
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:11,544
Yeah, last week he had Alan Brady
and his show business friends.
344
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:13,479
But, we don't fit into his classy group.
345
00:11:13,579 --> 00:11:16,149
Well, how do you know he won't have
his classy friends tonight too?
347
00:11:16,249 --> 00:11:19,585
Because he doesn't have any more classy friends.
348
00:11:19,685 --> 00:11:22,355
Well, just forget about ironing
that dress because we're not going!
350
00:11:22,455 --> 00:11:25,091
Jerry, he is at least making an attempt to make up.
351
00:11:25,191 --> 00:11:29,595
And all you're doing is sulking, and acting like a anarchist.
352
00:11:29,695 --> 00:11:31,230
An anarchist?
353
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:35,668
2, 4, 6-- Will you
stop with the pennies?
354
00:11:35,768 --> 00:11:39,972
I cannot live next door to my
best friend and not talk to her.
356
00:11:40,073 --> 00:11:44,544
Besides, she owes me $0.51 for plastic forks.
357
00:11:44,644 --> 00:11:46,012
Here.
358
00:11:46,112 --> 00:11:48,081
There, now you're all even.
359
00:11:48,181 --> 00:11:49,882
We're not going.
360
00:11:49,982 --> 00:11:54,387
I am going to that dinner party
tonight whether you go or not.
362
00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:57,390
I am going to wear my new dress, and my new shoes.
363
00:11:57,490 --> 00:12:01,627
And I'll tell you something else,
Dr. Helper, I'm going to have fun.
365
00:12:01,728 --> 00:12:03,496
No you're not because I'm going with you.
366
00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:10,103
OK.
367
00:12:10,203 --> 00:12:12,138
I'm going to go even though I don't want to go.
368
00:12:12,238 --> 00:12:12,972
OK.
369
00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:14,240
I'm going because I'm hungry.
370
00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:16,075
OK.
371
00:12:16,175 --> 00:12:18,010
What do we wear to this party?
372
00:12:18,111 --> 00:12:19,345
Well, it's a sit down dinner.
373
00:12:19,445 --> 00:12:20,880
So, I guess we're supposed to dress up.
374
00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:22,515
Well, I'm not going to wear my best suit.
375
00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:24,117
OK.
376
00:12:24,217 --> 00:12:28,888
He has one word, one insult out of his mouth and I'm
going to-- He didn't ask you over to insult you.
379
00:12:28,988 --> 00:12:31,424
Now, will you take a cold shower and stop steaming?
380
00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:32,492
You want me to stop steaming?
381
00:12:32,592 --> 00:12:34,861
Then let me count my pennies.
382
00:12:34,961 --> 00:12:37,130
2, 4, 6, 8-- - 32. - 32.
383
00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:38,064
44.
384
00:12:38,164 --> 00:12:39,232
46.
385
00:12:39,332 --> 00:12:40,266
Ah, come on Millie!
386
00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:41,934
All right, let's go.
387
00:12:45,304 --> 00:12:47,874
[sneezes]
388
00:12:50,076 --> 00:12:53,012
Most ridiculous way to spend a
Saturday night I've ever heard of.
390
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:54,147
You know what this is?
391
00:12:54,247 --> 00:12:54,947
This is stupid!
392
00:12:55,047 --> 00:12:56,349
Just plain stupid.
393
00:12:56,449 --> 00:12:58,518
Well, you're the one that suggested this project.
394
00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:00,319
That just makes it more stupid.
395
00:13:00,419 --> 00:13:02,755
If there's anything I hate it's sanding.
396
00:13:02,855 --> 00:13:05,858
I don't mind handling, I don't
mind painting, I don't mind sawing.
398
00:13:05,958 --> 00:13:07,026
But, I hate sanding.
399
00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:09,428
I just puts my teeth on in.
400
00:13:09,529 --> 00:13:12,298
Bless you.
401
00:13:12,398 --> 00:13:13,132
Hey, when's dinner?
402
00:13:13,232 --> 00:13:14,734
- Any time you say. - Now.
403
00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,068
Let's have it right now. - You got it.
404
00:13:16,169 --> 00:13:17,503
What do you got in the house?
405
00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:20,506
Cheese, eggs, canned soup, and two black bananas.
406
00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:23,709
Let's eat out.
407
00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:26,879
Those were my plans.
408
00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:28,347
Come on Darling, it'll be fun.
409
00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:30,416
Oh yeah, fun.
410
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:31,684
What's the matter with you?
411
00:13:31,784 --> 00:13:33,085
You've been acting this way all day long.
412
00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:35,321
Well, mostly it's Jerry.
413
00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:38,291
I figured he probably would have
made some move to apologize by now.
415
00:13:38,391 --> 00:13:39,659
It's been two weeks.
416
00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:41,294
Well, it wouldn't kill you if you made a move, you know.
417
00:13:41,394 --> 00:13:42,628
I made my move.
418
00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:46,265
I invited him to dinner, he didn't even
have the decency to answer my invitation.
420
00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:50,136
Well, he probably felt that a written
formal invitation was to cold.
422
00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:55,708
It my fault. I didn't even
think about it-- Watch it.
424
00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:57,043
At least we've made an overture.
425
00:13:57,143 --> 00:13:59,011
He didn't even make a squeak in our direction.
426
00:13:59,111 --> 00:14:01,180
Hey, maybe they didn't get their invitation.
427
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,349
Honey, I mailed them all at the same time.
428
00:14:03,449 --> 00:14:07,086
All right, let's just forget about it for tonight
and go out and have a nice, quiet dinner.
430
00:14:07,186 --> 00:14:08,654
I don't feel like getting all dressed up.
431
00:14:08,754 --> 00:14:09,789
No, we don't have to get dressed.
432
00:14:09,889 --> 00:14:11,023
We can go to Nina's.
433
00:14:11,123 --> 00:14:12,325
RITCHIE: You gonna get a sitter for me?
434
00:14:12,425 --> 00:14:13,426
Yes dear.
435
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:15,127
I'll call Billy and he's going to come over.
436
00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,430
He can teach me how to belch!
437
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,899
Ritchie.
438
00:14:19,999 --> 00:14:23,002
He can do it any time he wants.
439
00:14:23,102 --> 00:14:25,404
Rob, will you speak to him please?
440
00:14:25,504 --> 00:14:27,440
Rich, that's not a very polite thing.
441
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:32,044
Billy says that in China if you don't burp
after a meal, they think you hated the dinner.
443
00:14:32,144 --> 00:14:33,546
Yeah, but we're not in China now.
444
00:14:33,646 --> 00:14:35,448
Well, maybe someday we'll go.
445
00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:36,716
And I want to be polite.
446
00:14:36,816 --> 00:14:37,883
Look Rich, that's enough.
447
00:14:37,984 --> 00:14:39,318
Look, we'll have Billy over.
448
00:14:39,418 --> 00:14:41,153
You're going to have to find some other game to play.
449
00:14:41,254 --> 00:14:41,887
OK.
450
00:14:41,988 --> 00:14:43,289
I was just thinking.
451
00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:46,759
Do you think you might like to call Jerry
and see if they want to eat with us?
453
00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:48,327
No, I don't think I'd like to call them.
454
00:14:48,427 --> 00:14:50,930
And I know that I don't want to eat with Jerry ever again!
455
00:14:51,030 --> 00:14:52,665
Come on, let's go get Billy.
456
00:14:52,765 --> 00:14:53,699
We'll be right back.
457
00:15:01,207 --> 00:15:02,942
Let me brush you off, you're all linty.
458
00:15:03,042 --> 00:15:04,243
Oh, come on.
459
00:15:04,343 --> 00:15:05,578
They're lucky we're showing up all together.
460
00:15:05,678 --> 00:15:06,746
Well listen, they sent us a formal invitation.
461
00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:07,913
Here, you do me.
462
00:15:08,014 --> 00:15:09,548
The least we can do is be neat.
463
00:15:09,649 --> 00:15:10,816
Listen, we're neat enough.
464
00:15:10,916 --> 00:15:12,885
Come on, we don't have to be lint free.
465
00:15:12,985 --> 00:15:13,819
Wait a minute.
466
00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:15,021
Where are you going?
467
00:15:15,121 --> 00:15:16,355
Right in this little area right here.
468
00:15:16,455 --> 00:15:18,891
Oh, honey.
469
00:15:18,991 --> 00:15:21,327
Let's take them a bottle of champagne.
470
00:15:21,427 --> 00:15:22,662
No, no.
471
00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:24,463
They're getting us, we don't have to give them gifts too.
472
00:15:24,563 --> 00:15:25,631
Well, it's not a gift.
473
00:15:25,731 --> 00:15:26,932
It's more like a peace offering.
474
00:15:27,033 --> 00:15:28,668
You go get me a piece of gold wrapping paper.
475
00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:29,935
No.
476
00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:32,605
Any more gifts, or dressing,
or brushing and the food will be gone.
478
00:15:32,705 --> 00:15:33,639
Come on, I'm starving.
479
00:15:33,739 --> 00:15:34,674
Let's go.
480
00:15:36,842 --> 00:15:37,943
[burp]
481
00:15:38,044 --> 00:15:39,345
RITCHIE: That was a good one, Billy!
482
00:15:42,815 --> 00:15:45,084
[doorbell rings]
483
00:15:46,052 --> 00:15:46,819
No more, Billy. That may be my mom.
484
00:15:46,919 --> 00:15:47,453
I'll be right back.
485
00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:51,991
Hi Ritchie.
486
00:15:52,091 --> 00:15:53,759
Hi uncle Jerry.
487
00:15:53,859 --> 00:15:55,061
Is anybody here yet?
488
00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:56,462
Billy's here.
489
00:15:56,562 --> 00:15:57,563
Oh, Billy's who?
490
00:15:57,663 --> 00:15:58,597
Billy Quibley.
491
00:15:58,698 --> 00:16:00,700
Billy the belcher?
492
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,969
Well, that's what he's known as.
493
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:05,738
Hey Ritchie, are we the first ones here?
494
00:16:05,838 --> 00:16:07,073
Yeah, I guess so.
495
00:16:07,173 --> 00:16:08,941
And you wouldn't let me wrap the champagne.
496
00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:10,176
The dinner's for 8:00.
497
00:16:10,276 --> 00:16:12,378
It's 8:30 already.
498
00:16:12,478 --> 00:16:13,879
Are your mother and daddy dressed yet?
499
00:16:13,979 --> 00:16:15,448
Yeah, they're dressed.
500
00:16:15,548 --> 00:16:17,483
Well, you go play with Billy, and we'll sit here and wait.
501
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:18,517
OK.
502
00:16:20,686 --> 00:16:21,654
Who else is coming Ritchie?
503
00:16:21,754 --> 00:16:23,689
I don't know.
504
00:16:23,789 --> 00:16:24,824
Gee, the place is so quiet.
505
00:16:24,924 --> 00:16:27,093
I wonder why everybody's so late.
506
00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:28,027
What are you looking for?
507
00:16:28,127 --> 00:16:29,261
I don't know.
508
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:30,563
An olive, a potato chip, cream cheese.
509
00:16:30,663 --> 00:16:31,630
Anything edible.
510
00:16:31,731 --> 00:16:33,366
Why don't you wait until Laura offers.
511
00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:35,067
Because by that time I won't have the strength to chew.
512
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:36,702
I am starving.
513
00:16:36,802 --> 00:16:37,970
Oh, there.
514
00:16:38,070 --> 00:16:39,171
The goodies must be stashed right here.
515
00:16:39,271 --> 00:16:40,573
Oh, Jerry don't.
516
00:16:40,673 --> 00:16:42,341
Laura probably covered that for a reason.
517
00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:45,678
Well sure, she covered it to keep the flies out,
not the guests. - Now come on Jerry, don't.
519
00:16:45,778 --> 00:16:49,648
She probably fussed and wants
everybody to-- Everybody to see what?
521
00:16:49,749 --> 00:16:51,751
A can of varnish?
522
00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:54,053
What is this, some kind of a joke?
523
00:16:54,153 --> 00:16:55,187
Well, I don't know.
524
00:16:55,287 --> 00:16:57,022
Laura doesn't play jokes like that.
525
00:16:57,123 --> 00:16:58,791
Well, I wouldn't put it past Rob.
526
00:16:58,891 --> 00:16:59,959
Oh, come on now.
527
00:17:00,059 --> 00:17:01,460
You're the practical joker, not Rob.
528
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,862
All right, then where are they?
529
00:17:02,962 --> 00:17:03,863
Well, I wonder.
530
00:17:03,963 --> 00:17:04,997
Laura? - Hey Rob?
531
00:17:05,097 --> 00:17:05,898
Laura?
532
00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:08,968
Rob, you in there?
533
00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:10,503
She's not in here.
534
00:17:10,603 --> 00:17:11,637
Nobody's in there.
535
00:17:11,737 --> 00:17:13,672
Hey Ritchie, will you come out here please?
536
00:17:13,773 --> 00:17:14,940
Where do you suppose they are?
537
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,242
I don't know, but I'm going to find out.
538
00:17:16,342 --> 00:17:18,077
Hey, did you call me uncle Jerry?
539
00:17:18,177 --> 00:17:19,278
Yes Ritchie. I'd like to talk to you.
540
00:17:19,378 --> 00:17:20,413
OK.
541
00:17:20,513 --> 00:17:22,348
Hey listen, where are your mother and father?
542
00:17:22,448 --> 00:17:23,749
- They went out. - Out?
543
00:17:23,849 --> 00:17:24,784
Where?
544
00:17:24,884 --> 00:17:26,218
I don't know, they just left.
545
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:27,887
- You see that? - Well now, come on.
546
00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:28,921
Don't jump to conclusions.
547
00:17:29,021 --> 00:17:30,089
Ritchie, are they coming back?
548
00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:31,056
Oh, sure.
549
00:17:31,157 --> 00:17:32,358
You see.
550
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:33,626
Well, how do you know they're coming back?
551
00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:34,560
They have to.
552
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:37,062
They live here.
553
00:17:37,163 --> 00:17:38,964
Ritchie, where did they go?
554
00:17:39,064 --> 00:17:39,932
I don't know.
555
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:41,500
Well, what did they say?
556
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,603
They said that I shouldn't let Billy teach me how to belch.
557
00:17:44,703 --> 00:17:47,373
Did they say anything about Jerry and me?
558
00:17:47,473 --> 00:17:48,674
Oh, yeah.
559
00:17:48,774 --> 00:17:51,911
Daddy said that he didn't want to eat with Jerry ever.
560
00:17:52,011 --> 00:17:53,712
Oh, well.
561
00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:54,947
Thank you, Ritchie.
562
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,282
Now, you go back and study with Billy.
563
00:17:56,382 --> 00:17:58,818
OK.
564
00:17:58,918 --> 00:18:00,719
You're grinding your teeth.
565
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:04,290
If it isn't the dirtiest trick I have ever heard of.
566
00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:07,460
Inviting you to dinner, getting dressed
up, and then sneaking out.
568
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,861
Well come on, they wouldn't do a thing like that.
569
00:18:08,961 --> 00:18:09,995
They wouldn't, huh?
570
00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:10,629
Then just tell me where they are.
571
00:18:10,729 --> 00:18:11,730
Tell me!
572
00:18:11,831 --> 00:18:13,132
Well, are you sure we got the right night?
573
00:18:13,232 --> 00:18:13,966
Right night. Here, let me show you.
574
00:18:14,066 --> 00:18:15,367
See this? See?
575
00:18:15,468 --> 00:18:17,770
You're invited, here, you're invited
to a dinner party this Saturday night.
577
00:18:17,870 --> 00:18:20,573
Not next Saturday, or two Saturdays
from now, but this Saturday.
579
00:18:20,673 --> 00:18:21,974
Oh, there must be some explanation.
580
00:18:22,074 --> 00:18:23,509
There is, there is. Rob warned me.
581
00:18:23,609 --> 00:18:25,411
He said I'd rue the day if I went over to Bester's lawn.
582
00:18:25,511 --> 00:18:26,645
Well, I'm rueing the day.
583
00:18:26,745 --> 00:18:27,613
Now, come on let's go.
584
00:18:27,713 --> 00:18:28,881
Where are we going?
585
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,649
We're going to find the closest restaurant and feed me.
586
00:18:30,749 --> 00:18:33,452
And then after that, we're going to come back
here and never talk to these people again!
588
00:18:38,491 --> 00:18:41,494
You live next door to people, you think you know them.
589
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:46,999
Boy oh boy, does that smell good.
590
00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:47,933
And I am starved.
591
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:49,001
Oh boy.
592
00:18:49,101 --> 00:18:50,136
- Wait a minute. - What?
593
00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:51,737
- That's mine. - Huh?
594
00:18:51,837 --> 00:18:52,738
You had the extra garlic.
595
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:53,806
Oh.
596
00:18:53,906 --> 00:18:55,441
Can I have this bunch of yours?
597
00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:56,141
Oh, no.
598
00:18:56,242 --> 00:18:57,076
Huh?
599
00:18:57,176 --> 00:18:58,010
I can't?
600
00:18:58,110 --> 00:19:00,513
Look who just came in.
601
00:19:00,613 --> 00:19:01,580
Where?
602
00:19:06,252 --> 00:19:07,887
Why couldn't they eat at home?
603
00:19:07,987 --> 00:19:09,421
Please.
604
00:19:09,522 --> 00:19:11,657
We should have stayed home and eaten the bananas.
605
00:19:11,757 --> 00:19:15,427
No, we should have done what I suggested,
call them and ask them to come along with us.
607
00:19:15,528 --> 00:19:16,762
That would not help anything.
608
00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:19,098
They'd still be sitting here ruining my dinner.
609
00:19:19,198 --> 00:19:23,135
Rob, why don't you go over there and ask them to join us?
610
00:19:23,235 --> 00:19:24,970
Are you kidding?
611
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:26,205
No, I'm not Rob.
612
00:19:26,305 --> 00:19:28,407
Look, we got to talk to them sometime.
613
00:19:28,507 --> 00:19:29,675
This is our opportunity.
614
00:19:29,775 --> 00:19:32,178
I am not going to apologize to him.
615
00:19:32,278 --> 00:19:33,812
You don't have to apologize.
616
00:19:33,913 --> 00:19:38,250
Just go over there and ask them to join us.
617
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,186
What good is that going to do?
618
00:19:40,286 --> 00:19:42,154
Well, it'll open up negotiations.
619
00:19:42,254 --> 00:19:44,523
Who knows, he might even apologize to you.
620
00:19:49,161 --> 00:19:51,063
I hope you're right.
621
00:19:51,163 --> 00:19:53,399
Oh Rob, aren't going?
622
00:19:53,499 --> 00:19:56,135
I'm going to have one little bite of spaghetti
623
00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:59,838
because if I am rejected, I'm going to be too upset to eat.
624
00:20:02,808 --> 00:20:07,346
Sends you a written invitation, you get all
dressed up, you go to a party and nobody's there.
626
00:20:07,446 --> 00:20:09,081
Jerry, how many times are you going to repeat that?
627
00:20:09,181 --> 00:20:11,517
Get all dressed up, go over to their house, you walk in.
628
00:20:11,617 --> 00:20:12,551
Empty.
629
00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:18,691
Boy, before I never talk to him again,
I'd like to tell him off for good.
631
00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:19,391
Rob.
632
00:20:19,491 --> 00:20:21,760
Yeah Rob, of course-- Hi there.
633
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:22,695
Who there?
634
00:20:22,795 --> 00:20:24,196
Rob! - Hi.
635
00:20:24,296 --> 00:20:26,632
I saw you sitting over here and
I thought maybe you hadn't eaten.
637
00:20:30,169 --> 00:20:31,303
You thought we hadn't eaten.
638
00:20:31,403 --> 00:20:33,138
Well yeah, have you?
639
00:20:33,238 --> 00:20:35,307
You know darn well we haven't eaten.
640
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:36,942
How would I know that?
641
00:20:37,042 --> 00:20:41,814
How would you-- Millie, will you tell him to get out
of here before I do something I'll be sorry for.
644
00:20:41,914 --> 00:20:44,783
Rob, will you get out of here before
Jerry does something he'll be sorry for.
646
00:20:47,353 --> 00:20:49,588
Listen Jerry, I think you're sick.
647
00:20:49,688 --> 00:20:50,489
I'm sick?
648
00:20:50,589 --> 00:20:51,390
Yeah, and childish.
649
00:20:51,490 --> 00:20:53,559
Chi-- Just one thing.
650
00:20:53,659 --> 00:20:57,296
Did you or did you not send us this dinner invitation
to come over to your house? - Of course I sent--
652
00:20:57,396 --> 00:20:58,264
That's all I want to know.
653
00:20:58,364 --> 00:20:59,865
That's all I want to know.
654
00:20:59,965 --> 00:21:02,067
Millie, will you please tell him to get out of here.
655
00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:03,402
Rob get out of here.
656
00:21:03,502 --> 00:21:05,638
Oh boy, I'll get out of here.
657
00:21:07,906 --> 00:21:11,543
Since you brought up that invitation, I'd just
like to thank you for coming to our party.
659
00:21:11,644 --> 00:21:12,845
Party?
660
00:21:12,945 --> 00:21:18,250
Millie, Millie, tell him to get out of here
before he gets a bread stick up his nose.
662
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:21,320
Rob, get out of here before you
get a bread stick up your nose.
664
00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:23,155
I'll go just as soon as I am finished.
665
00:21:23,255 --> 00:21:25,658
About that invitation, I want you to
know that I didn't want to send it.
667
00:21:25,758 --> 00:21:27,526
It was Laura's idea to send it.
668
00:21:27,626 --> 00:21:28,527
Laura?
669
00:21:28,627 --> 00:21:29,828
Oh yes, I didn't want to do it.
670
00:21:29,928 --> 00:21:32,364
She talked me into-- Hi gang,
what's the big discussion?
672
00:21:32,464 --> 00:21:34,733
Is what Rob just said now true?
673
00:21:34,833 --> 00:21:35,834
What's that?
674
00:21:35,934 --> 00:21:38,070
It was your idea to send that invitation?
675
00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:39,038
Well, yeah.
676
00:21:39,138 --> 00:21:40,039
It kind of was.
677
00:21:40,139 --> 00:21:41,173
I sort of insisted.
678
00:21:41,273 --> 00:21:42,541
You insisted?
679
00:21:42,641 --> 00:21:43,642
Yeah.
680
00:21:43,742 --> 00:21:46,478
Jerry, tell her to get out of here
before I do something I'll be sorry for.
682
00:21:46,578 --> 00:21:47,846
Laura, I think you better get out of here.
683
00:21:47,946 --> 00:21:49,448
- Come on, let's go. - Wait a minute.
684
00:21:49,548 --> 00:21:52,418
I don't know what's been going on here,
but I would like to say a few things.
686
00:21:52,518 --> 00:21:54,420
They want you get a bread stick up your nose.
687
00:21:57,256 --> 00:21:59,291
I don't care!
688
00:21:59,391 --> 00:22:00,492
Well, I don't.
689
00:22:00,592 --> 00:22:01,927
I think you ought to know something.
690
00:22:02,027 --> 00:22:05,397
Rob was against sending that
invitation to you, but I insisted.
692
00:22:05,497 --> 00:22:07,266
But now I'm sorry I sent it.
693
00:22:07,366 --> 00:22:08,567
You're sorry you sent it?
694
00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:11,003
You don't know how sorry I am.
695
00:22:11,103 --> 00:22:14,039
I think it's one of the
stupidest things I've ever done.
697
00:22:14,139 --> 00:22:16,775
Then you-- you do think it was a stupid thing?
698
00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:22,114
Well, let's just say this Jerry, I will never send
you another one like it and you can bet on that.
701
00:22:22,214 --> 00:22:23,082
You mean that?
702
00:22:23,182 --> 00:22:24,950
Oh, you bet she means it.
703
00:22:25,050 --> 00:22:26,752
Well OK.
704
00:22:26,852 --> 00:22:27,920
OK what?
705
00:22:28,020 --> 00:22:30,022
We accept your apology.
706
00:22:30,122 --> 00:22:34,159
You accept our-- Yes,
and we forgive you.
707
00:22:34,259 --> 00:22:35,394
You forgive us?
708
00:22:35,494 --> 00:22:36,895
You bet we do.
709
00:22:36,995 --> 00:22:38,931
Well, we were both being very stubborn.
710
00:22:39,031 --> 00:22:41,567
And I'm happy to see that you took
the first step to clear the air.
712
00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:42,534
Now, wait a minute.
713
00:22:42,634 --> 00:22:43,702
Wait just a minute, Jerry.
714
00:22:43,802 --> 00:22:45,170
Little misunderstanding [inaudible]
715
00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:46,572
It certainly is, darling.
716
00:22:46,672 --> 00:22:51,810
And I think it's the kind of misunderstanding we should
try very hard not to clear up for a little while.
718
00:22:51,910 --> 00:22:56,081
Well, because for the first time in two weeks, the
four of us are actually talking to each other
720
00:22:56,181 --> 00:22:57,883
and I'm kind of enjoying it.
721
00:22:57,983 --> 00:22:59,718
I feel like crying.
722
00:22:59,818 --> 00:23:01,954
It's nice seeing you here.
723
00:23:02,054 --> 00:23:02,888
Hello.
724
00:23:02,988 --> 00:23:04,089
All right.
725
00:23:04,189 --> 00:23:09,728
Look, why-- Why don't we all sit down, have
dinner, and over dessert we'll try to figure out
727
00:23:09,828 --> 00:23:13,432
what we've been talking about
here and why we're friends again.
729
00:23:13,532 --> 00:23:14,767
Want to? - Sure.
730
00:23:14,867 --> 00:23:15,901
Waiter.
731
00:23:16,001 --> 00:23:18,270
Listen, come on over and join us at our table.
732
00:23:18,370 --> 00:23:19,505
Wait, would you rather us join you?
733
00:23:19,605 --> 00:23:20,539
Oh, no, fine.
734
00:23:20,639 --> 00:23:21,874
We'd rather sit at your table.
735
00:23:21,974 --> 00:23:25,410
Yeah, cause after all, you do owe us a meal.
736
00:23:25,511 --> 00:23:27,179
We owe you a meal.
737
00:23:27,279 --> 00:23:28,847
- Of course. - The invitation.
738
00:23:28,947 --> 00:23:29,948
You remember.
739
00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:34,920
We sent you an invitation and we owe you-- Darling,
we said we'd work on that after desert, remember?
741
00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:35,821
That's right.
742
00:23:35,921 --> 00:23:37,189
OK.
743
00:23:37,289 --> 00:23:40,259
All right, let's all start fresh
from the beginning shall we?
745
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:41,794
Waiter.
746
00:23:41,894 --> 00:23:45,664
We'd like a table for four, for two parties of two.
747
00:23:53,672 --> 00:23:56,441
You know, if they had an Olympic
belching team, he'd be on it.
749
00:23:56,542 --> 00:23:57,976
He'd be the Captain.
750
00:23:58,076 --> 00:24:02,815
Well, do you think you two are sufficiently friendly
again to discuss Gilbert Bester and his crabgrass?
753
00:24:02,915 --> 00:24:04,683
All this and we are going to leave Mr.
754
00:24:04,783 --> 00:24:06,652
Bester and his crabgrass be.
755
00:24:06,752 --> 00:24:09,054
You finally came around to my way of thinking.
756
00:24:09,154 --> 00:24:13,859
Well, I came around to your way of thinking,
and I convinced him how wrong he was.
758
00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:16,128
Well Jerry, how come I couldn't convince you?
759
00:24:16,228 --> 00:24:18,730
Well, she said the thing that seemed to make sense.
760
00:24:18,831 --> 00:24:20,098
What was that Millie?
761
00:24:20,199 --> 00:24:22,634
Well, I told him he had no right to trespass.
762
00:24:22,734 --> 00:24:24,903
Well, I said that 100 times Jerry.
763
00:24:25,003 --> 00:24:29,408
Yeah, but did you threaten to make him sleep in the den?
764
00:24:29,508 --> 00:24:30,676
Hey you want a bread stick?
765
00:24:33,111 --> 00:24:35,914
[music playing]
49234
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