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[theme song]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show", starring
Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore.
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You're a sweetheart, sweetheart.
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The greatest guy I ever met and anything
I ever said about you before, forget it.
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You're a prince among men, Mel, believe me.
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I don't believe you.
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Either we're in the wrong office
or this is the "Twilight Zone".
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Sally, Rob.
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- You two are shaking hands. - Yeah.
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No, no.
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No, he was shaking mine.
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Well, that's crazy enough.
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Why were you shaking his hand?
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Because there's money in it.
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Is it money?
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The Alan Brady is gonna do several network
specials, and he's decided to reuse the Civil
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War sketches that you wrote.
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So you'll be paid, again, full-price.
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Full price?
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Hey, that's great.
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When do we get it?
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I already got mine.
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Oh, good.
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I've already spent mine.
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Hey, Sal, don't you think it was great?
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Mel's own idea to repeat the sketch.
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Oh, that's wonderful.
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I knew it the minute I saw a guy with a head
like a light bulb, it was bound to light up
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with something good.
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Buddy, will you cut that out?
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That was really nice.
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I liked it better when he hated me.
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Come back tomorrow.
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[laughs]
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Hey, how about this?
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Boy, this money sure came out the blue, didn't it?
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Rob, what are you gonna do with your windfall?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Put it in the bank, probably.
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That's what I like, a gambler.
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Why, what are you gonna do with yours?
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Well, I always said, if I ever got
extra loot, I'm gonna invest it.
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SALLY ROGERS: Yeah, me too.
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I think I'll buy my sister a mink coat.
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You haven't got a sister.
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Oh, good.
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Then I'll buy it for me.
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What are you gonna invest in Buddy?
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What I'd always said I'd invest in if I
ever got loot, my Uncle Lou's shoe store.
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And if you guys were smart, you'd invest in it with me too.
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What is with you and that shoe store?
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It's a good business.
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And with a little extra money, could be a great business.
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Come on, what you got to lose?
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Our money.
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You can't lose.
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If anything goes wrong, I can always be your hostage.
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You're not worth that much.
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Oh.
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Now wait a minute.
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Now you can't rush into these things.
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You gotta think of all the business angles.
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She's right.
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Ah, is it a good location?
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Yeah, and how's his credit rating and
are there any single men working there
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who are tall with sideburns?
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Why don't you shut up.
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Yeah.
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Hey, how is the location?
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Good, right by the subway.
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Well, are there any tall single
guys there with sideburns? - What?
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You take care of you, I'll take care of you.
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Deal.
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Ah, come on, kids.
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The least we can do is go down and look at it.
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Well, it wouldn't hurt to go down and look at it, I guess.
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And uncle Lou's a great shoe salesman.
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He's the greatest in the business.
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Look, he sells shoes like I write jokes.
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He sells old shoes?
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Uncle Lou.
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Hey, [inaudible].
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- Hiya, boy. - How are you?
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You look wonderful.
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You know Rob and Sally.
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Of course, we met at that party you had last year.
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10 D, 6 and 1/2 B, right?
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Right.
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That's right.
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I never forget a foot.
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Hey, Lou, ring this up.
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I got a winner, Mrs. Shopping Bag.
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Wait a minute.
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I want to introduce to you my crack salesman, Sid Feldman.
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These are my two new partners.
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Hello, Sid.
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Hello, hello.
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So you're gonna invest?
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So I can [inaudible] to business.
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Well, maybe.
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Sal and-- and Rob, they might invest too.
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Well, ah, you know, we'll discuss it.
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Mhm.
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Well, come on in the back and we'll relax in my office.
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This is your office?
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It looks like a voting booth.
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This is my profit statement for the last quarter.
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Mhm.
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My expense sheets are here, my inventory here.
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That's a very, very interesting
filing system you have there.
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Lincoln had his office in his hat.
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Sorrell had his office in his coat.
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I told you this was a growing business, Rob.
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I remember when he used to keep those records in his sweaters.
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Here's the sheet, see.
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My full time man Sid and my part time man.
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Mm-hmm.
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Now with a little extra capital, I could
add some stock, I could put on a new man
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and maybe put up a new storefront.
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Hey, we're Sally?
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She wanted to hear about this.
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Oh, Sally, would you come here a minute?
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SALLY ROGERS: Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, how about the investment?
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Yeah, I am.
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I mean investing in the store.
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What do you think?
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Well, it's novel, but you should wear gloves.
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Sal, you missed all the facts and figures,
but it looks like a good proposition.
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Oh, yeah?
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SID: So it's a little tight in the toe.
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I'll put it on our automatic stretching machine.
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Hey, where's that broom?
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Mhm.
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Mrs. Shopping Bag said she bought them too tight.
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If that doesn't feel good, give her a refund.
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That's a good way to do business.
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Sure, sure.
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With my commission, he's a big hero.
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Is he always happy like that?
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So this is the automatic shoe stretching machine, huh?
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Yeah.
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In fancy shoes, they have the big stretching machine.
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And inside the machine, there's a broom.
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We sell bargains, not fancy.
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Well, Mrs. Rogers, you think you wanna be an investor?
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I think I'll spend my extra
bonus money on self-improvement.
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You mean, you're-- you're out of our deal?
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Right.
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I'm thinking why should I give him a
new front when I could use one myself.
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Oh, listen, uncle Lou.
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Where, ah-- where are the imported evening shoes?
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Right next to the sweat socks.
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Boy, that's classy.
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We better invest while she's still buying.
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You know, Lou, it's looking like a good proposition,
but I'd like to talk it over with my wife.
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We could use that money for so many other things.
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Laura, you're trying to turn
that bonus into underwear money.
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- Underwear money? - Yeah.
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Boy, I'll never forget.
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When I was about 10 years old, my Aunt Olive
gave me a surprise Christmas gift of $5.
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And I thought about all the great toys
I could buy with that and my mother
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made me buy underwear with it.
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Well, maybe you needed underwear.
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Well, of course, I needed it.
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The whole world needs underwear.
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But it's just $5 and my bonus are not for things you need.
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They're for things you want, honey.
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Underwear is not the most
important thing in the whole world.
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Unless you're wearing a tweed suit.
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[laughs]
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Honey, if I'm in the shoe business, I will bring
home little surprises like this more often.
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Yeah.
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Do you like the shoes I bought you?
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Ooh, darling, boy, they're striking.
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Gee, thank you.
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Why don't you try them on and see if they fit?
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Ah, well, darling, my feet are a little swollen from shopping.
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I'll try them on later.
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OK.
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Honey, I just thought about another argument
in my favor for buying the shoe store.
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Well, we're not arguing, darling.
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Oh, I know we're not arguing, and you know we're not arguing.
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But if another guy came in here, he'd say, we're arguing.
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So let's just argue.
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OK, what's your argument?
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We need some good investments working for us.
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Well, I agree, darling, but I think
we should invest in something more
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substantial or at least more exciting than a shoe store.
191
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What's more exciting than a discount shoe store?
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Right, a lot of things.
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Yeah.
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Honey, that's-- that's not why you invest.
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You invest to make money.
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OK, what about AT&T?
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AT&T is just like underwear.
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You can rely on it, you don't want to show it to people.
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The thing about a discount shoe store is it's a real place.
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You can take friends there, listen to the cash register
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ring and Ritchie can play with empty
boxes and shoes spoons-- Horns.
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Horns, yes.
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It's just something we've always wanted, a discount shoe store.
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Well, darling, look.
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If your secret desire has been to own a discount
shoe store, how could I possibly stand in your way?
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Call Lou, go on.
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Honey, I love you.
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You're gonna love that shoe store when
you see it tomorrow too. - Tomorrow?
209
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Yeah, when you take those shoes back to exchange.
210
00:07:20,156 --> 00:07:23,034
Oh, Rob, I told you I like them.
211
00:07:23,159 --> 00:07:26,871
Yeah, you told me you like them the same way you told
me you like that dress I brought you from Mexico.
212
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- What dress?
- You know, the-- [stumps foot]
213
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Oh, the orange one with the bull on it.
214
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That's right, that's-- it'll land
at the top of your closet right now.
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Well, look, darling, maybe I can still wear the dress.
216
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I mean, [chuckles] now I have shoes to match.
217
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I'll return it tomorrow.
218
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SID: It looks like a 6B with a 7 [inaudible]
What's the matter with these people?
219
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:55,566
Gee, it's not exactly Fifth Avenue,
but I can smell the bargains.
220
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,360
Well, you can see them.
221
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,821
Would you look at the price of these shoes?
222
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Gee, I can't get over it. It's all yours.
223
00:08:01,572 --> 00:08:02,573
Oh, no.
224
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:03,741
Millie, it's not like that at all.
225
00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:04,993
Can I help you?
226
00:08:05,076 --> 00:08:06,744
Oh, yeah, I'd like to return my shoes.
227
00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:07,704
Oh, perfect.
228
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,746
Sit down.
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I'll be with you in a minute.
230
00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,293
Hey, he didn't even know you.
231
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It's like in "Shakespeare" when the kings and
queens used to dress up in dirty clothes and go
232
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mingle with the peasants.
233
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,675
Oh, Millie, don't be so dramatic.
234
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Rob only has a tiny share of this place.
235
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,846
Yeah, but you're still an owner.
236
00:08:24,929 --> 00:08:28,266
You're a shoe tycoon or was it a tycoonist?
237
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LAURA PETRIE: Well, whatever it is I am,
I'm certainly not getting much service.
238
00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:33,313
[cash register dings]
239
00:08:33,438 --> 00:08:35,106
You just made money sitting right here.
240
00:08:35,189 --> 00:08:36,441
You just made money. - Yeah.
241
00:08:36,524 --> 00:08:37,608
[chuckles]
242
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:38,860
Hey, I wonder how much your cut is.
243
00:08:38,943 --> 00:08:41,362
Oh, Millie, don't be silly.
244
00:08:41,446 --> 00:08:43,781
MILLIE HELPER: Oh, I'm so excited for you, Laura.
245
00:08:43,906 --> 00:08:44,824
LAURA PETRIE: [clears throat]
246
00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:46,576
Ah, you're next, you're next.
247
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:50,371
All Jerry ever invests in is dull old mutual funds.
248
00:08:50,455 --> 00:08:52,790
Oh, well, mutual funds are very good.
249
00:08:52,915 --> 00:08:54,625
Yeah, but it's just a hunk of paper.
250
00:08:54,709 --> 00:08:56,461
This is a slice of life.
251
00:08:56,586 --> 00:09:00,048
I mean, there's so many feet in the world.
252
00:09:00,131 --> 00:09:03,301
You know, I think that man is purposely avoiding us.
253
00:09:03,426 --> 00:09:05,637
Hey, listen, I'm gonna get a discount, aren't I?
254
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,431
I mean, how much is a friend's discount, a close friend
255
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:12,185
who's also a neighbor and sometimes babysits for you?
256
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:15,313
I just don't understand why that man won't wait on us.
257
00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:19,692
Since you went into business,
you're getting very hard, Laura.
258
00:09:19,817 --> 00:09:20,818
Ah, sir.
259
00:09:20,902 --> 00:09:21,819
Huh?
260
00:09:21,944 --> 00:09:22,987
Could you help me now?
261
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:23,946
All right, all right.
262
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,156
What's your problem?
263
00:09:25,239 --> 00:09:28,785
Ah, well, my husband bought the
shoes and I'd like to exchange them.
264
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:29,661
Mm-hmm.
265
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:30,828
What wrong with them?
266
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,288
I don't like them.
267
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,415
Look, lady, we don't like to make exchanges.
268
00:09:34,499 --> 00:09:35,166
Tell him who you are.
269
00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:36,751
We're-- no, never mind.
270
00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:38,002
I'm just a customer.
271
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,295
I'm her best friend.
272
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,838
SID: Mhm.
273
00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,256
What do you want to exchange them for?
274
00:09:42,340 --> 00:09:45,176
Well, I'd like something in a green, mid-heel.
275
00:09:45,301 --> 00:09:46,135
Ha.
276
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,387
Look, ah, lady, you got a bargain.
277
00:09:47,512 --> 00:09:48,763
Why don't you keep them?
278
00:09:48,846 --> 00:09:50,473
Because I don't like them.
279
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,516
Neither do I.
280
00:09:51,599 --> 00:09:52,475
Mm-hmm.
281
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,853
I'm glad we all voted.
282
00:09:55,937 --> 00:09:57,772
[inaudible] mid-heel, green.
283
00:09:57,855 --> 00:09:59,273
I haven't got a green mid-heel.
284
00:09:59,357 --> 00:10:00,858
Oh, well, what do you have?
285
00:10:00,984 --> 00:10:03,194
Black or purple, take it or leave it.
286
00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:06,030
Well, see, I'm trying to match a green dress.
287
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:07,782
It's sort of muted tones of green.
288
00:10:07,865 --> 00:10:08,741
Look, lady.
289
00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:09,909
I'm not a fashion expert.
290
00:10:10,034 --> 00:10:12,161
Take purple, it goes with everything.
291
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,789
But you see, I don't like purple.
292
00:10:14,872 --> 00:10:16,874
Look, I'm sorry to be so much trouble.
293
00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,251
You're no trouble.
294
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,294
[chuckles] I wish I had 1,000 customers like you.
295
00:10:20,378 --> 00:10:21,045
You do?
296
00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:24,549
Yeah, I got 2000.
297
00:10:24,632 --> 00:10:25,508
Mind your attitude.
298
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,301
What's that?
299
00:10:26,384 --> 00:10:27,719
I don't like your attitude.
300
00:10:27,802 --> 00:10:29,053
You don't like my attitude?
301
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,764
[chuckles] What do you want, attitude or shoes?
302
00:10:31,889 --> 00:10:33,683
Say, the customer is always right.
303
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,560
Hey, that's a catchy phrase.
304
00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:36,811
I'll remember that.
305
00:10:36,894 --> 00:10:38,354
And I'll remember you.
306
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,397
Come on, Millie.
307
00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:40,648
Don't you want your money for the shoes?
308
00:10:40,732 --> 00:10:41,691
No, no, thank you.
309
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,234
I'll just send my husband in.
310
00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:46,070
Yeah, you don't know who her husband is.
311
00:10:46,195 --> 00:10:49,240
But I'm lucky I got to meet you.
312
00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:55,079
Listen, it's people like you that
make everybody buy mutual funds.
313
00:10:55,163 --> 00:10:56,289
Kinda nut.
314
00:10:59,916 --> 00:11:01,335
I mean it, Rob.
315
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:05,464
I haven't met such a rude man since you
introduced me to that aunt of yours.
316
00:11:09,384 --> 00:11:12,262
Darling, I really think you should call Lou and tell him.
317
00:11:12,387 --> 00:11:13,263
Oh, honey, I don't know.
318
00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:14,765
It's none of my business.
319
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,643
Rob, it is your business because it is your business.
320
00:11:17,768 --> 00:11:20,437
Well, I-- technically, but Lou should know this guy's work.
321
00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:22,481
The guy you just described is his full time man.
322
00:11:22,606 --> 00:11:26,109
Darling, you know that I wouldn't
be this upset over nothing.
323
00:11:26,193 --> 00:11:27,527
I know, that's what upsets me.
324
00:11:27,611 --> 00:11:30,238
I just hate butting in down there.
325
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,406
I'm just a silent partner.
326
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,408
Nobody likes a loud silent partner.
327
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,952
All right, well, maybe I should tell Lou then.
328
00:11:36,078 --> 00:11:37,537
No.
329
00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:41,249
The only thing that's worse than the loud silent
partners, is a loud silent partner's wife.
330
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,961
Darling, having a salesman who chases
away customers is just plain silly.
331
00:11:45,045 --> 00:11:46,004
Yeah, I know.
332
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:50,008
But I just-- I hate going
in and telling on anybody.
333
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:51,927
Hey, I just cracked those.
334
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:53,637
Well, you cracked a whole pile of them.
335
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:54,888
ROB PETRIE: I know.
336
00:11:54,972 --> 00:11:55,639
You know I like to eat them all at once.
337
00:11:59,726 --> 00:12:00,978
Crack your own.
338
00:12:01,103 --> 00:12:02,437
Don't change the subject.
339
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:03,814
You going to tell Lou or not?
340
00:12:03,939 --> 00:12:06,858
I should think as an investor,
you'd want to protect your interest.
341
00:12:06,984 --> 00:12:11,446
Yeah, well, if I'm going in to protect
my investment, I want to take Buddy.
342
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:12,864
I don't want to protect my interests all by myself.
343
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,199
Good.
344
00:12:14,324 --> 00:12:15,659
And you can exchange my shoes at the same time.
345
00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:19,162
Two days in the shoe business, already I'm a heel.
346
00:12:19,287 --> 00:12:20,664
No, you're not.
347
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:23,041
You're a very nice man who just made a terrible pun.
348
00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:26,003
I do not make terrible puns.
349
00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:28,171
Give me the nutcracker, sweetie.
350
00:12:28,255 --> 00:12:30,757
I made it up.
351
00:12:30,841 --> 00:12:34,094
SID: [mumbling]
352
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,352
Hello, there.
353
00:12:42,477 --> 00:12:43,687
Well, the new partners, huh.
354
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:44,771
What can I do for you?
355
00:12:44,855 --> 00:12:45,856
Well, we'd like to talk to you.
356
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:47,107
Oh.
357
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:48,275
Sit down, I'll be with you in a minute.
358
00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:52,696
I still think we're doing the wrong thing.
359
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:53,947
I feel like a fink.
360
00:12:54,031 --> 00:12:55,532
I know.
361
00:12:55,657 --> 00:12:57,034
But if there's a bad salesman on the floor, we gotta tell Lou.
362
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:57,993
I mean, it's our duty.
363
00:12:58,076 --> 00:12:59,286
We're executives.
364
00:12:59,369 --> 00:13:01,580
That's what I feel like, an executive fink.
365
00:13:01,705 --> 00:13:03,665
If you're looking for Lou, he's out to lunch.
366
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:04,624
Did you want something?
367
00:13:04,708 --> 00:13:07,002
Well-- Go ahead, Rob, tell him.
368
00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:11,173
[clear throat] Well,
I wonder if I could exchange these shoes.
369
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:12,716
- What's the matter with them? - Well, I bought them--
370
00:13:12,799 --> 00:13:15,719
I [clears throat] bought it for my wife,
the other day, and I want to exchange them.
371
00:13:15,844 --> 00:13:16,637
She was in yesterday.
372
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:17,596
Yeah, I remember those.
373
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:18,555
Is that your wife?
374
00:13:18,639 --> 00:13:19,973
Not bad, not bad.
375
00:13:20,057 --> 00:13:21,558
ROB PETRIE: Well, she was.
376
00:13:21,683 --> 00:13:22,684
I mean, she is.
377
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:24,227
That's-- that was her and that's my wife.
378
00:13:24,311 --> 00:13:24,978
So why didn't you tell me she was your wife?
379
00:13:25,062 --> 00:13:26,480
I don't know.
380
00:13:26,563 --> 00:13:27,689
I don't seem to me that it should make any difference.
381
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,191
What do you mean? What do you mean?
382
00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:31,568
Well, I just mean I think you should treat
all customers with the same courtesy,
383
00:13:31,693 --> 00:13:33,070
whether it's my wife, just everybody.
384
00:13:33,195 --> 00:13:34,446
You see me wait on everybody?
385
00:13:34,571 --> 00:13:35,864
Oh, no, no.
386
00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:38,241
You got a camera hidden in the patent leathers or something?
387
00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,911
All I wanna-- Look,
I've been in the business 27 years.
388
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,622
You're in three days,
you're gonna tell me how to sell shoes?
389
00:13:43,747 --> 00:13:44,956
But no, I'm not trying.
390
00:13:45,082 --> 00:13:46,625
I'm just talking about the treatment of customers in here.
391
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:50,963
Now my wife-- Oh, your wife
said, now she's an authority.
392
00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:54,174
Now look, this man-- If you wanna fire
me, pal, fire me.
393
00:13:54,257 --> 00:13:55,592
I don't need these things. I got my own troubles.
394
00:13:55,676 --> 00:13:56,718
Leave me alone.
395
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,970
I don't have the authority to fire anybody.
396
00:13:58,095 --> 00:13:59,054
Oh, you haven't any authority?
397
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:00,931
Well, then I got a right to quit.
398
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:04,226
And here, here's my resignation.
399
00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:06,353
Treat him any way you want, Mr. Charm.
400
00:14:06,436 --> 00:14:08,480
I don't take orders from any college boys.
401
00:14:08,605 --> 00:14:10,941
You take care of the customers.
402
00:14:11,066 --> 00:14:15,237
And as long as we're being critics, I saw
the "Alan Brady Show" the other night.
403
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,197
And you know something?
404
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,783
It stunk.
405
00:14:19,908 --> 00:14:21,910
Everybody wants to be in the show business.
406
00:14:26,623 --> 00:14:28,917
Rob, I-- I don't think you handled that too good.
407
00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:33,630
I didn't notice you saying anything.
408
00:14:33,755 --> 00:14:34,589
What could I say?
409
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,341
It's Saturday.
410
00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:37,801
Well, I feel terrible now.
411
00:14:37,884 --> 00:14:39,511
I didn't wanna start an argument with that guy.
412
00:14:39,636 --> 00:14:43,181
All I wanted to do was talk to Lou and
try to straighten him out a little.
413
00:14:43,307 --> 00:14:45,809
I need a pair of Brown Oxfords.
414
00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:49,021
Oh, well, I,
ah-- I don't work here.
415
00:14:49,146 --> 00:14:50,897
I'm just one of the executives.
416
00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:53,734
Well, ah, somebody will be with you in a second.
417
00:14:53,817 --> 00:14:55,319
Look, we can't let customers get out.
418
00:14:55,402 --> 00:14:56,987
Everyone who walks out means we're losing money.
419
00:14:57,112 --> 00:14:58,363
- Yeah. - Go ahead and wait on him.
420
00:14:58,488 --> 00:14:59,573
- You better wait on him. - Me, I don't know.
421
00:14:59,656 --> 00:15:01,158
You wait on him. You're better looking.
422
00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:02,117
I don't know how.
423
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,577
But you got a shoehorn.
424
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:05,287
You said you worked here for a couple of weekends.
425
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,830
I worked here a few years ago in the stock.
426
00:15:06,913 --> 00:15:08,498
I don't know from that. You wait on the guy.
427
00:15:08,582 --> 00:15:09,833
Listen, I don't know how.
428
00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:10,834
It's easy.
429
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:12,252
You bought shoes, didn't you?
430
00:15:12,336 --> 00:15:14,755
It's the same thing,
only you face the other way and sit lower.
431
00:15:18,842 --> 00:15:23,221
[clears throat] Well, I guess I can take care
of you till one of my salesmen shows up.
432
00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:25,849
Need a pair of shoes for the old feet, huh?
433
00:15:25,932 --> 00:15:27,643
Oxfords with rubber heels.
434
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:28,352
Well, yes, sir.
435
00:15:28,435 --> 00:15:31,855
We have those somewhere.
436
00:15:31,938 --> 00:15:34,441
How-- what-- what, ah, size do you wear?
437
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:36,234
I'm not sure. You better measure me.
438
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,194
Measure?
439
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:40,238
Oh, of course, yeah.
440
00:15:40,364 --> 00:15:43,575
Oh, let's, ah-- mm-hmm.
441
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:44,618
OK.
442
00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:53,543
Shouldn't you measure with the shoe off?
443
00:15:53,669 --> 00:15:59,716
[chuckles] I'm doing it with
you shoes on-- [inaudible]
444
00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:03,303
[groans]
445
00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:08,944
OK, ah,
you know where three-- [chuckles]
446
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,406
I don't think so.
447
00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:23,657
I was just kidding.
448
00:16:31,248 --> 00:16:32,374
R--
449
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:51,768
Buddy?
450
00:16:51,852 --> 00:16:53,270
Huh?
451
00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:54,855
What does that look like?
452
00:16:54,938 --> 00:16:58,817
That's a butterfly, and this is a rabbit.
453
00:16:58,942 --> 00:16:59,776
Thank you very much.
454
00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:00,444
Thank you.
455
00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:01,486
Come again, sir.
456
00:17:01,611 --> 00:17:02,863
Hey, that's our first sale.
457
00:17:02,946 --> 00:17:03,697
Boy.
458
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:04,948
[cash register opens and closes]
459
00:17:05,073 --> 00:17:07,451
Boy, I feel he bought those out of
pity instead of any other reason.
460
00:17:07,576 --> 00:17:08,452
But I made the sale, didn't I?
461
00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:09,453
Yeah, boy, you sure did.
462
00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:12,539
That's one in a row.
463
00:17:12,622 --> 00:17:13,999
You have open-toed pumps?
464
00:17:14,124 --> 00:17:15,334
What?
465
00:17:15,459 --> 00:17:17,544
Ah, our star salesman will take care of you.
466
00:17:17,628 --> 00:17:21,131
Well, just have a chair, ma'am-- seat.
467
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:22,466
You're up again, Willy Loman.
468
00:17:22,549 --> 00:17:23,467
Well, I'll try.
469
00:17:23,592 --> 00:17:24,968
I wish Lou would get back here.
470
00:17:25,052 --> 00:17:26,136
What are the open-toed shoe?
471
00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:29,389
What, I think around here.
472
00:17:29,473 --> 00:17:31,600
Yeah, here.
473
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,518
They're no holes in those toes.
474
00:17:33,644 --> 00:17:34,770
Maybe it healed up.
475
00:17:58,669 --> 00:18:00,837
I'd like to try them in half a size smaller.
476
00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:06,843
Ah, smaller?
477
00:18:06,969 --> 00:18:07,886
Smaller.
478
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:18,188
Here we are.
479
00:18:23,777 --> 00:18:24,403
Yeah.
480
00:18:24,528 --> 00:18:26,613
Ah, lady-- [inaudible].
481
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,540
Young man, what are you doing?
482
00:18:36,623 --> 00:18:39,793
[chuckles] It's my-- my
finger's in your foot.
483
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:44,715
And now they don't fit.
484
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:49,136
This lady said I'd like to see something in a loafer.
485
00:18:49,219 --> 00:18:50,554
I says, come in later, lady.
486
00:18:50,637 --> 00:18:51,930
I'd like to introduce you to my brother-in-law.
487
00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:55,559
[laughs]
488
00:19:00,897 --> 00:19:02,274
- Hey, you know something? - What?
489
00:19:02,399 --> 00:19:05,235
That pair of shoes of Laura's, [inaudible]
brought them back to the store tomorrow.
490
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,486
I should.
491
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,614
Oh, my God.
492
00:19:09,740 --> 00:19:13,493
[woman laughing hysterically]
493
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:40,103
Well, I hope you like some of these.
494
00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,066
Try that pair on me.
495
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:45,567
OK.
496
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:46,451
You-- [chuckles] I--
497
00:19:57,621 --> 00:19:58,201
well, OK.
498
00:20:05,629 --> 00:20:07,589
Do you want me to try these on your legs?
499
00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:11,551
Oh, I mean, into your leg-- your foot-- feet?
500
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:12,552
Yes, if you don't mind.
501
00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:15,097
ROB PETRIE: OK, this way.
502
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:16,098
Mm-hmm.
503
00:20:30,654 --> 00:20:31,613
- What you looking at? - Huh?
504
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:32,489
Oh, nothing.
505
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:35,158
I'm-- Well, next time you see
it, let me know.
506
00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:41,081
[mumbling] How do those-- how do
those, ah-- how do those feel?
507
00:20:41,164 --> 00:20:42,165
Not too good.
508
00:20:42,249 --> 00:20:43,834
You've got my left shoe on my right foot.
509
00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:45,335
Oh.
510
00:20:45,419 --> 00:20:46,878
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
511
00:20:47,004 --> 00:20:49,423
This is my first day here in the leg store.
512
00:20:49,506 --> 00:20:52,259
I mean, [inaudible].
513
00:20:52,342 --> 00:20:53,635
Lady, I can't wait on you.
514
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:54,845
I'm a married man.
515
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,348
Uh-huh, I'm awfully sorry, ma'am.
516
00:20:58,432 --> 00:21:00,058
Come back again, please.
517
00:21:00,183 --> 00:21:01,810
I couldn't find anything that lady wanted.
518
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,186
Well, you can't win them all.
519
00:21:03,312 --> 00:21:04,354
You've been doing pretty good.
520
00:21:04,479 --> 00:21:05,897
You got rid of Sid.
521
00:21:06,023 --> 00:21:07,399
Why don't we take over the joint and get rid of Uncle Lou?
522
00:21:07,524 --> 00:21:08,608
[chuckles] Yeah, stop kidding, boy.
523
00:21:08,692 --> 00:21:10,193
We've just been lucky today.
524
00:21:10,319 --> 00:21:11,486
You did pretty well, though.
525
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,696
You sold a lot of laces and shoe polish.
526
00:21:12,779 --> 00:21:15,198
Yes, five cans of oxblood.
527
00:21:15,282 --> 00:21:16,742
Hey, this reminds me.
528
00:21:16,867 --> 00:21:18,452
Irving, kill another ox.
529
00:21:18,535 --> 00:21:21,621
[laughs]
530
00:21:22,873 --> 00:21:23,874
Hey, Uncle Lou, did you hear what happened with Sid?
531
00:21:23,957 --> 00:21:25,500
I know, I know what happened.
532
00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:28,420
I ran into Sid in the delicatessen
and he told me all about it.
533
00:21:28,545 --> 00:21:29,588
Well, Lou, look.
534
00:21:29,713 --> 00:21:30,922
We're very sorry the way it happened.
535
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:32,549
But honestly, Sid was extremely discourteous.
536
00:21:32,674 --> 00:21:33,717
Extremely discourteous.
537
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,135
No, no, worse, he was rude.
538
00:21:35,218 --> 00:21:36,470
Rude.
539
00:21:36,553 --> 00:21:37,763
ROB PETRIE: Well, we didn't want him to quit, of course.
540
00:21:37,888 --> 00:21:39,056
Didn't want him to quit.
541
00:21:39,181 --> 00:21:40,766
But we-- we didn't let you down, Uncle Lou.
542
00:21:40,891 --> 00:21:42,517
He sold them and I rang them up.
543
00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:43,560
Did a lot a good business.
544
00:21:43,644 --> 00:21:44,978
So you made some sales, huh?
545
00:21:45,062 --> 00:21:46,063
We sure did.
546
00:21:46,188 --> 00:21:48,148
I don't know how we did it,
but everybody walked out of here happy.
547
00:21:48,231 --> 00:21:48,899
Great.
548
00:21:49,024 --> 00:21:50,400
My new partners are great.
549
00:21:50,484 --> 00:21:51,860
Ha, thanks, Lou.
550
00:21:51,943 --> 00:21:53,904
So we'll see you boys on Monday morning, 8 o'clock.
551
00:21:54,029 --> 00:21:56,657
And we'll have a day that'll make shoe business history.
552
00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:58,325
Well, Lou, we can't come in Monday morning.
553
00:21:58,408 --> 00:21:59,242
We have to work.
554
00:21:59,326 --> 00:22:00,535
You know that.
555
00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:02,996
You mean I'm losing my two star salesmen?
556
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,331
What are you getting at, Lou?
557
00:22:04,414 --> 00:22:07,084
What I'm getting at is to make sales is good.
558
00:22:07,209 --> 00:22:11,463
But to do it as a lark is one thing
and to do it every day is another.
559
00:22:11,588 --> 00:22:14,007
Well, that's right.
But-- Ah, sure that's right.
560
00:22:14,091 --> 00:22:16,301
You've got good jobs that are glamorous.
561
00:22:16,426 --> 00:22:19,221
You probably got offers for a lot of interesting jobs.
562
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:23,100
But I need a guy like Sid because
he hasn't got such exciting choices.
563
00:22:23,225 --> 00:22:26,770
Well, I'm sorry, Lou,
but there's no excuse for Sid's actions.
564
00:22:26,895 --> 00:22:28,897
Sid's actions don't need any excuses.
565
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,190
Hey, he was so belligerent.
566
00:22:30,273 --> 00:22:31,775
Five pairs of shoes got up and walked out.
567
00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:35,487
And you were so nice that Mrs.
Spanachek got up and walked out.
568
00:22:35,612 --> 00:22:36,446
Spanachek?
569
00:22:36,571 --> 00:22:37,739
The lady that just left.
570
00:22:37,823 --> 00:22:39,366
She said she didn't like anything today.
571
00:22:39,449 --> 00:22:42,869
Yet every time she comes in,
Sid always sells her at least two pair.
572
00:22:42,953 --> 00:22:44,329
Now wait a minute.
573
00:22:44,454 --> 00:22:45,831
We sold at least half the people that came in here.
574
00:22:45,956 --> 00:22:47,582
Sid's average is about 80%.
575
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:49,376
Eight-- really?
576
00:22:49,459 --> 00:22:50,669
Look, Rob.
577
00:22:50,794 --> 00:22:52,546
People come in here looking for bargains.
578
00:22:52,629 --> 00:22:55,257
Well, gee, that doesn't mean that
you have to treat them rough, Lou.
579
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:56,466
Yes, I do.
580
00:22:56,550 --> 00:22:57,926
The rougher the treatment, the bigger the bargain.
581
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:58,760
Really?
582
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,095
Is that the way people figure?
583
00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:02,764
Yeah, that's what they expect at this store.
584
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:06,810
People come in here to get a steal, and
they don't want to steal from a nice guy.
585
00:23:06,893 --> 00:23:09,604
Kind treatment, they get in a maternity shop.
586
00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:12,065
We know how to make this business tick.
587
00:23:12,149 --> 00:23:14,151
That's what you're investing in.
588
00:23:14,276 --> 00:23:16,153
Well, I don't know what to say, Lou.
589
00:23:16,236 --> 00:23:17,487
Say nothing.
590
00:23:17,612 --> 00:23:19,906
I guess I was wrong.
591
00:23:19,990 --> 00:23:22,993
I guess Rob was wrong.
592
00:23:23,076 --> 00:23:27,164
I love you both, but frankly speaking,
I need Sid more than I need your money.
593
00:23:27,289 --> 00:23:28,749
Yeah, but we can stay in as silent partner, though, huh?
594
00:23:28,832 --> 00:23:30,208
And we'll keep our mouths shut.
595
00:23:30,334 --> 00:23:31,460
With that, I agree.
596
00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:32,502
I feel terrible.
597
00:23:32,586 --> 00:23:33,712
Lou, it's our fault Sid quit.
598
00:23:33,837 --> 00:23:35,005
He didn't quit.
599
00:23:35,130 --> 00:23:38,508
Three times a week, he quits like that.
600
00:23:38,592 --> 00:23:41,720
One day last month, he asked me to quit with him.
601
00:23:41,845 --> 00:23:43,138
But you mean he's coming back here?
602
00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:44,681
Yeah, he's coming back. Ah, he's back.
603
00:23:44,765 --> 00:23:45,682
I'm not back.
604
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:46,683
I'm not back until they leave.
605
00:23:46,808 --> 00:23:48,101
They're leaving.
606
00:23:48,185 --> 00:23:48,852
Then I'm back!
607
00:23:48,977 --> 00:23:49,978
All executives, out!
608
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:50,979
Out!
609
00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:51,980
Yes.
610
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:55,984
There you are, girly.
611
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:56,693
Huh?
612
00:23:56,818 --> 00:23:57,653
I don't know.
613
00:23:57,736 --> 00:23:58,570
Believe me.
614
00:23:58,695 --> 00:23:59,988
I'm your friend, right?
615
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,616
Those shoes make your feet look 10 years younger.
616
00:24:02,699 --> 00:24:03,825
Good, I'll take two pairs.
617
00:24:03,909 --> 00:24:05,285
BUDDY SORRELL: Good.
618
00:24:05,369 --> 00:24:10,707
Gee, I can't make up my mind between the
black evening shoes and the sneakers.
619
00:24:10,832 --> 00:24:12,417
Black evening and sneakers?
620
00:24:12,542 --> 00:24:15,128
What are you, going to a formal tennis game?
621
00:24:15,212 --> 00:24:17,214
I don't have enough money for both.
622
00:24:17,297 --> 00:24:19,049
Take them both. We trust you.
623
00:24:19,174 --> 00:24:19,841
Lou, Lou.
624
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:21,969
Rob, where are my shoes?
625
00:24:25,597 --> 00:24:26,848
Honey, I told you.
626
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:29,768
You're either a 6 and 1/2 or a 6 with a broom.
627
00:24:29,893 --> 00:24:32,521
[laughter]
628
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:37,401
[theme song]46074
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