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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show", starring
Dick Van Dyke Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Darling, I already polished that one.
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What are you doing?
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I'm trying to rub up a genie so that
when the genie says, what do you wish?
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I can say, I wish my brother would call and he would.
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I think you'll have better luck
producing the genie than your brother.
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You realize he's been gone for four hours.
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You suppose he forgot? ROB PETRIE: I don't know.
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[doorbell rings]
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Oh, maybe that's him.
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Laura, who you've been talking to?
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To Rob.
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No, on the phone.
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I've been trying to get you for an hour
to find out if you needed more pots?
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Oh, yeah, we do.
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Thanks.
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I haven't been using the phone.
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Well, I got a busy signal.
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Honey, did you hang up the bedroom
when I picked up the kitchen?
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Oh, my gosh.
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No, I didn't.
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How you like that?
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We've been holding our breath for a
phone call that never stood a chance.
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Why have you been holding your breath?
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Well, Stacey finally got up the nerve to
go tell Julie the truth about himself.
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Who's Julie?
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His girlfriend.
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Oh, that's her name.
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Well, what's the truth about himself?
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Well, you know about how his girlfriend
thinks that he's James Garner.
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She thinks your brother's James Garner?
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Didn't you tell her?
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Well, Rob, you told me not to.
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You mean that works?
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Sometimes.
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How come she thinks he's James Garner?
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What-- Millie, wait a minute.
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How much you know about all this?
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Well, I know when Stacey was in the
army, he wrote letters to this girl.
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And he thinks he's in love with her, but he's
never met her and he's afraid to meet her
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Well, I told her a little.
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And I also know that Stacey is opening up this
nightclub and you're putting up the money.
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And you two are supposed to be down there decorating tonight.
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You told her a lot.
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Yeah, but she left out the best part.
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How come she thinks Stacey's James Garner?
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Well, because he's been signing
his letters to her like that way.
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Well, why would he use an
actor's name to sign his letters.
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LAURA PETRIE: No, no, not James Garner the actor.
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This James Garner is a drummer friend of Stacey's
and he got him to write love letters for him.
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Oh, like Cyrano de Bergerac?
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Well, yeah, something like that.
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The thing is when this Garner lost
interest in the girl, Stacey didn't.
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Yeah, and so Stacey kept on writing to her
for himself, but signing Garner's name.
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You mean this whole romance is based
on her thinking he's another guy?
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Right.
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No wonder he's afraid to meet her.
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I don't know why he couldn't wait until after the club open.
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He's been here a whole week.
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He had to wait till tonight to
go tell her and explode the bomb.
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Well, what's one thing got to do with the other?
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Well, it's a basic business principle, Millie.
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You should never open a nightclub the night
after you've gone and told your girl you love
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that you're not James Garner.
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It's very bad for business.
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Honey, there's no use of us waiting for him to call.
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It's after 8 o'clock, we might as
well go down and start decorating.
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Boy, some decorating, a bunch of crummy coffee
pots hanging from the walls and the ceilings.
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What's he gonna call the place?
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The coffee pot.
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Hey.
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Listen, Millie, would you mind waiting here for
just a couple of minutes in case Stacey calls?
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Sure. What'll I tell him?
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Well, just tell him to get down
to the club and help us decorate.
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That's all.
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[phone rings]
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Hello.
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STACEY PETRIE (ON PHONE): Hi, Rob.
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Stacey, where are you?
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Well, I'm in a drugstore near the, ah-- on
70-- near 70-- it's above-- the numbers 555--
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what's the difference, Rob?
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What are you doing?
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I just getting ready to go up to Julie's apartment.
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Why aren't you at the club?
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You were supposed to see Julie hours ago.
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I-- I know, but I had this thing to do.
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ROB PETRIE (ON PHONE): What's that?
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Work up courage.
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Oh, Stacey.
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Couldn't you have done that yesterday?
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Don't you care anything about the nightclub?
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It's opening tomorrow night, you know.
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Yeah, you're-- you're right, Rob.
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I'm going on down to the club.
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I'll forget all about Julie.
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No, hold it, Stace.
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As long as you're there, you take
your courage and go up to Julie's.
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We'll take your pots and go downtown.
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All right.
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Thanks, Rob.
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I'll see you at the club.
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Um, good luck.
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Not good luck to you, good luck to me.
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I'm the one that's going down.
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He's just going up there now?
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Yep, and I don't think he's ready.
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What'd he say?
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He just wished me good luck.
137
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Well, it looks like you and I have are the decorators.
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Well, if things don't work out,
one of us got to learn to play the banjo.
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Ah, Millie, you want to come down and help us decorate?
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No, thanks.
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Well, go home.
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Uh, Miss Julie,
should I reheat the coffee or make fresh?
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Oh, whatever you think is best.
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I've given up.
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I imagine that the young soldier would
want some refreshments when he gets here.
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I think he has stood me up.
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Oh, don't feel badly, Miss Julie.
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Could you ask the elevator operator if Mr.
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Petrie has been looking for me?
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Yes, Miss.
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Thank you.
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Mr. Petrie.
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JULIE KINCAID: Stacey?
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Well, how nice to see you.
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We've been worried.
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We thought something had happened.
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I've been waiting for you for two hours.
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Come on in.
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[chuckles] Excuse me.
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Come in.
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I'll take that.
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JULIE KINCAID: Yeah.
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Come in, Stacey.
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I want to hear-- come in.
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I want to hear all about Jim.
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We have so much to talk about.
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I'm-- sorry I'm late, but I was early.
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What?
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I was earlier coming here, and so I went
to a newsreel and had a ham-- a hamburger.
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But not a newsreel, at-- later at a--
- Diner? - Yeah.
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I'm sorry I'm late. - Uh-huh.
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Well, the main thing is that you're here.
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Sit down.
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[squeals]
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I'm sorry, the chair there.
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I'm sorry.
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You sure-- you sure you're OK?
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Yeah, I'm so used to the army and taking orders.
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You said sit, and I plunk.
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Well, uh, would you like a cup of coffee?
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Sure, please.
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How do you like your coffee?
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Fine.
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No, I mean, what do you like in your coffee?
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What do you-- what do you do-- put in yours?
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Oh, cream and sugar.
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Good, that's what I like.
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Yeah.
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[mumbling] I can't get over it, I'm really here.
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Well, I envy you, Stacey.
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Why?
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You're here, too.
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I envy you because you were there.
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Where?
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With Jim.
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Yeah, how-- how was he?
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Well, you just left him.
203
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Oh, he's fine.
204
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And how are you?
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I'm-- I'm fine too.
206
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And how's your club?
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It's, ah, fine.
I, ah-- Did it open yesterday?
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Well, it opens tomorrow.
210
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It's really not a club.
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It's more of a--
JULIE KINCAID: Saloon?
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No, it's like a coffee house.
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Coffee, you know, little coffees and, um-- and, um,
cheese and, ah-- and, ah, hot cider and I tell--
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I tell funny stories and play
the, ah-- Oh, the banjo.
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Jim wrote me what a great banjo you play.
218
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Well-- [chuckles]
219
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Hey, say, Stacey, do you mind if
I invited myself to your opening?
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Oh, nuts.
222
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What's the matter?
223
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Well, I-- I wanted to invite you.
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Go ahead.
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00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,282
Well, you're-- you're already coming.
226
00:07:58,851 --> 00:08:02,088
[chuckles] Oh, Stacey.
227
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I feel so silly.
228
00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:05,425
Yeah, me too.
229
00:08:05,525 --> 00:08:06,826
Why?
230
00:08:06,926 --> 00:08:09,062
This is like something out of an old time movie.
231
00:08:09,162 --> 00:08:10,363
Yeah.
232
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What?
233
00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:16,336
Well, the two of us sitting here and me
waiting for you to tell me all about the man
235
00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:18,504
I think I'm in love with.
236
00:08:18,604 --> 00:08:20,340
You think you're-- you're in love with?
237
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:21,674
Well, I can't be sure.
238
00:08:21,774 --> 00:08:23,276
After all, the only time I met him face to face
239
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:26,713
was at the hospital, and then he was just coming out of ether.
240
00:08:26,813 --> 00:08:29,015
Yeah, he-- he thought he was dead.
241
00:08:29,115 --> 00:08:32,385
[chuckles] He said you looked like an angel.
242
00:08:32,485 --> 00:08:34,620
He said-- and he-- he was right.
243
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,255
He kid-- wasn't kidding, you do.
244
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JULIE KINCAID: Oh, thank you.
245
00:08:37,590 --> 00:08:38,725
You're welcome.
246
00:08:41,327 --> 00:08:42,328
Now come on, Stacey.
247
00:08:42,428 --> 00:08:43,863
Tell me all about Jim.
248
00:08:43,963 --> 00:08:47,800
I mean, tell me what he's doing, what he looks
like, what he says about me, everything.
250
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:48,868
He got a haircut.
251
00:08:48,968 --> 00:08:50,703
I haven't heard [inaudible].
252
00:08:53,506 --> 00:09:03,850
Well, the reason-- the reason you haven't heard from
him, Julie, is because in his last letter-- here.
255
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:07,286
Oh, Stacey, special delivery.
256
00:09:07,387 --> 00:09:09,288
Thank you so much.
257
00:09:09,389 --> 00:09:11,024
You don't mind if I open it now, do you?
258
00:09:11,124 --> 00:09:13,026
Oh, I think it'd be better that way.
259
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:15,261
It's-- for the both of us kind of.
260
00:09:15,361 --> 00:09:22,168
"Dear Julie, take a good hard look at Stacey
because what I have to tell you concerns him".
262
00:09:22,268 --> 00:09:24,037
You know, he mentioned you in every letter.
263
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:27,740
[chuckles]
264
00:09:30,543 --> 00:09:35,848
"First of all, Julie, I want you to know that
my pen is no longer the adequate courier
266
00:09:35,948 --> 00:09:37,917
of my feelings for you".
267
00:09:38,017 --> 00:09:39,352
Oh, isn't that sweet?
268
00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:40,620
He's a real poet.
269
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,489
[shrieks]
270
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:48,861
"And I think the time has come for me to step
from behind this paper curtain and let you
272
00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:51,798
discover a truth about us".
273
00:09:51,898 --> 00:09:53,633
Maybe I better read the rest myself.
274
00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:57,570
No, read out loud, out loud.
275
00:09:57,670 --> 00:09:59,939
"I'm not the man you think I am.
276
00:10:00,039 --> 00:10:04,777
You have said in your letters that you
think of me as kind and considerate.
278
00:10:04,877 --> 00:10:08,347
Well, maybe I am, but Jim Garner isn't.
279
00:10:08,448 --> 00:10:12,118
If you want to meet the man who wrote these letters, the man
280
00:10:12,218 --> 00:10:18,024
you really love, just lower this page and look straight ahead".
281
00:10:24,731 --> 00:10:26,499
You wrote all these letters?
282
00:10:26,599 --> 00:10:27,633
Yeah.
283
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,402
And you signed his name?
284
00:10:29,502 --> 00:10:30,336
Yeah.
285
00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:31,671
How could you?
286
00:10:31,771 --> 00:10:32,605
[bellows]
287
00:10:32,705 --> 00:10:34,240
Are-- are you mad?
288
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:36,442
[bellows]
289
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,111
Oh, wait a minute.
290
00:10:38,211 --> 00:10:40,346
I don't think you've made a mistake here, ma'am.
291
00:10:43,049 --> 00:10:45,218
I don't think I'll write her any more letters.
292
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:50,356
What time is it?
293
00:10:50,456 --> 00:10:51,424
It's almost 12.
294
00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:53,326
Well, she must like him.
295
00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:56,729
Well, I don't know why he didn't
come back here to help us help him.
297
00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:59,599
Well, the kitchen is ready to roll.
298
00:10:59,699 --> 00:11:00,666
Oh, thanks, Lou.
299
00:11:00,766 --> 00:11:02,268
It's my job.
300
00:11:02,368 --> 00:11:06,239
I hope you guys got more luck in this joint than the last guy.
301
00:11:06,339 --> 00:11:09,342
Do you know how many bosses I've wait for
in this cellar in the last three years?
303
00:11:09,442 --> 00:11:10,276
ROB PETRIE: How many?
304
00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:11,210
I don't know how many.
305
00:11:11,310 --> 00:11:12,245
That's how many.
306
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:20,486
[groans] In the last year, this place has been
called the winery, the salad bowl, the fruit cup,
308
00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:25,224
the tea bag,
and now-- what's the name now?
309
00:11:25,324 --> 00:11:26,025
Coffee pot.
310
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:28,995
What can I tell you?
311
00:11:29,095 --> 00:11:31,030
You mean to tell me nobody's ever made a go here?
312
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:34,567
Yeah, the first guy, he had the right idea for this cellar.
313
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:35,635
ROB PETRIE: What'd he have here?
314
00:11:35,735 --> 00:11:36,836
A cellar.
315
00:11:41,374 --> 00:11:44,877
Well, see you tomorrow night at the grand opening.
316
00:11:44,977 --> 00:11:47,146
Yeah, what time does the crowd usually get here?
317
00:11:47,246 --> 00:11:49,015
A crowd never gets here.
318
00:11:52,451 --> 00:11:53,286
See you tomorrow night.
319
00:11:53,386 --> 00:11:55,488
We'll have plenty of time to talk.
320
00:11:55,588 --> 00:11:56,422
Bye.
321
00:11:56,522 --> 00:11:57,690
Bye.
322
00:11:57,790 --> 00:12:01,160
Anyway, Stacey's romance has got a
lot better chance in his business.
324
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:03,229
Why'd he hire such a pessimist?
325
00:12:03,329 --> 00:12:04,964
I think he came with a lease.
326
00:12:05,064 --> 00:12:07,800
STACEY PETRIE: (SINGING) I dream of
Jeanie with the light brown hair.
328
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,001
Who's that?
329
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:10,403
In this neighborhood, maybe gypsies.
330
00:12:13,539 --> 00:12:14,807
LAURA PETRIE: Stacey?
331
00:12:14,907 --> 00:12:17,610
Yeah, oh, boy.
332
00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:22,782
[chuckles] Oh, well, what's the use?
333
00:12:22,882 --> 00:12:23,950
What's the use?
334
00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:25,518
Stacey, what happened with Julie?
335
00:12:25,618 --> 00:12:30,690
A man starts out, his hopes are high, and then it happens.
336
00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:36,662
His plans are dashed to the ground, so he
buys a bottle and ends up in the gutter.
338
00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:40,399
He just lies there singing.
339
00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:43,035
Wait a minute, you been-- you've
been lying in a gutter singing?
341
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:44,670
Not me, a guy near the subway.
342
00:12:47,106 --> 00:12:48,474
But I could end up there.
343
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:49,775
Oh, come on, Stace.
344
00:12:49,876 --> 00:12:50,943
You don't even drink.
345
00:12:51,043 --> 00:12:53,613
Meh, I could learn.
346
00:12:53,713 --> 00:12:54,580
Willie Cooke learned.
347
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,549
Ah, who's Willie Cooke.
348
00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:59,552
The guy in the gutter.
349
00:12:59,652 --> 00:13:01,153
How do you know his name?
350
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:05,324
[chuckles] You get to know a lot about a guy
when you spend an evening with him, Laura.
352
00:13:05,424 --> 00:13:07,426
You spent an evening in the gutter with a drunk?
353
00:13:07,526 --> 00:13:09,695
I couldn't let him just lie there.
354
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,631
I bought him a bowl of lentil soup.
355
00:13:11,731 --> 00:13:14,467
Oh, well, that was nice of you.
356
00:13:14,567 --> 00:13:15,368
Ha.
357
00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:16,602
Nice of me?
358
00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:20,640
Rob, there but for the grace of Providence, go you.
359
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:21,540
Me?
360
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:22,608
How'd I get in there?
361
00:13:22,708 --> 00:13:23,609
Well, I'll tell you.
362
00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:26,579
If, um-- Laura.
363
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:31,651
--Laura, here, had turned you down the way his
girl once did or the way my Julie did, you could--
365
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:34,353
you could be lying in the,
ah-- ROB PETRIE: The gutter?
367
00:13:34,453 --> 00:13:36,856
Yeah.
368
00:13:36,956 --> 00:13:37,890
Julie didn't like you?
369
00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:40,026
Didn't like me?
370
00:13:40,126 --> 00:13:42,028
She hit me.
371
00:13:42,128 --> 00:13:43,729
She hit you?
372
00:13:43,829 --> 00:13:45,398
Twice, at least twice.
373
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:48,768
It would have been more if tinker hadn't stepped in.
374
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:49,702
Who's tinker?
375
00:13:49,802 --> 00:13:51,671
He'll get to it.
376
00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:56,943
A man goes to a girl with his heart in his
hands and she just turns him away just-- just
378
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,312
because of one little detail.
379
00:13:59,412 --> 00:14:03,549
Yeah, well, Stace, posing as somebody
else really isn't a little detail.
381
00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:05,484
He was a brilliant actor.
382
00:14:05,584 --> 00:14:06,786
- Who? - Tinker.
383
00:14:06,886 --> 00:14:07,720
Willie Cooke.
384
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:09,021
Oh, the drunk.
385
00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,289
STACEY PETRIE: Yeah.
386
00:14:10,389 --> 00:14:12,858
I should have never told Julie I was me.
387
00:14:12,958 --> 00:14:14,894
Yeah, but you had to, sooner or later.
388
00:14:14,994 --> 00:14:17,663
At least we still would have been in love with each other.
389
00:14:17,763 --> 00:14:18,664
Now she hates me.
390
00:14:18,764 --> 00:14:20,700
Should never have told her.
391
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:21,767
Well, Stace, look.
392
00:14:21,867 --> 00:14:23,035
In one way, you're lucky.
393
00:14:23,135 --> 00:14:25,004
At least you know exactly where you stand.
394
00:14:25,104 --> 00:14:29,508
Something like this hurts for a little
while, but you can go on with other things.
396
00:14:29,608 --> 00:14:30,509
What other things?
397
00:14:30,609 --> 00:14:32,011
What you-- your career, the new club.
398
00:14:32,111 --> 00:14:33,079
No, I don't care.
399
00:14:33,179 --> 00:14:35,514
Oh, Rob, not now.
400
00:14:35,614 --> 00:14:36,916
Yes, now.
401
00:14:37,016 --> 00:14:38,250
He's a big boy now.
402
00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:39,719
He's got responsibilities to himself and us.
403
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:43,122
Well, then maybe if you-- Well, maybe
you should go make some coffee, honey.
405
00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,490
We don't have any.
406
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:57,570
Stace, you remember what Pop used to tell
us that no two human beings in the world
408
00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,839
are any closer together than two brothers are?
409
00:14:59,939 --> 00:15:01,340
Yeah, Pop [inaudible]
410
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:05,411
Well, no matter how much we ever disagreed or fought,
we could always at least talk to each other.
412
00:15:05,511 --> 00:15:08,147
That's what I like to do now, just talk to you.
413
00:15:08,247 --> 00:15:12,051
Let me say, first of, Stace,
I understand exactly how you feel.
415
00:15:12,151 --> 00:15:14,286
(SCREAMING) Nobody knows how I feel!
416
00:15:14,387 --> 00:15:16,922
You don't know and she doesn't know.
417
00:15:17,022 --> 00:15:18,324
There's only one man that knows.
418
00:15:18,424 --> 00:15:20,493
That's a man who's been through it, Willie Cooke.
419
00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:21,427
The drunk.
420
00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:23,796
Yeah.
421
00:15:23,896 --> 00:15:24,797
Take it easy.
422
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:27,133
[inaudible] that bad.
423
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,067
I'm sorry.
424
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:29,035
I'm sorry, Laura.
425
00:15:29,135 --> 00:15:30,302
I didn't mean to shout.
426
00:15:30,403 --> 00:15:31,871
LAURA PETRIE: Oh, Stace, that's all right.
427
00:15:31,971 --> 00:15:35,708
You got to let it out sometimes, it's better that way.
428
00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:38,411
And I know exactly how you feel.
429
00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:40,780
(SCREAMING) Nobody knows how I feel!
430
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,515
OK, nobody knows how you feel.
431
00:15:42,615 --> 00:15:45,418
No, Stace, I didn't mean that I know how you feel.
432
00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:48,054
I just meant that it isn't hard to understand.
433
00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:49,188
Honey, don't dare say it.
434
00:15:49,288 --> 00:15:51,724
Well, you-- you know what I mean.
435
00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:53,259
I'm-- I'm sorry.
436
00:15:53,359 --> 00:15:54,827
Where, ah-- Stace, wait a minute.
437
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:55,928
Where are you-- where you heading?
438
00:15:56,028 --> 00:15:57,296
Out.
439
00:15:57,396 --> 00:15:57,997
Where?
440
00:15:58,097 --> 00:15:59,298
I don't know.
441
00:15:59,398 --> 00:16:01,033
Well-- well, Stacey, it's after midnight.
442
00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:02,201
Yeah, look, Stace.
443
00:16:02,301 --> 00:16:03,202
Why don't you go home, get some rest?
444
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:04,103
You got a big day tomorrow.
445
00:16:04,203 --> 00:16:06,005
It's opening night here.
446
00:16:06,105 --> 00:16:08,040
Mhm, let it open without me.
447
00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:09,175
But Stace, it can't.
448
00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:11,811
You are the only one in the show.
449
00:16:11,911 --> 00:16:12,812
So it won't open.
450
00:16:12,912 --> 00:16:14,246
Now come on, Stace.
451
00:16:14,346 --> 00:16:16,482
You can't go out and wander around in the dark.
452
00:16:16,582 --> 00:16:18,217
Rob, will you please get out of my way?
453
00:16:18,317 --> 00:16:19,618
Look, Stace, I'm your older brother.
454
00:16:19,718 --> 00:16:20,553
You're living with me.
455
00:16:20,653 --> 00:16:22,121
I have got money invested in this.
456
00:16:22,221 --> 00:16:23,389
I hung up your pots for you.
457
00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:25,291
And what's more, I do know how you feel.
458
00:16:25,391 --> 00:16:26,759
(SCREAMING) Nobody knows how I feel!
459
00:16:26,859 --> 00:16:27,927
Everybody knows how you feel.
460
00:16:28,027 --> 00:16:28,961
(SCREAMING) Nobody knows!
461
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:31,096
Everybody knows how you feel.
462
00:16:31,197 --> 00:16:32,631
Really?
463
00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:35,434
Yes.
464
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:38,604
You think you're the only guy who's ever been rejected?
465
00:16:38,704 --> 00:16:40,706
LAURA PETRIE: Stacey, we've all been rejected.
466
00:16:40,806 --> 00:16:42,041
That's right.
467
00:16:42,141 --> 00:16:44,610
Honey, would you please tell him how
you felt about me when we first met?
469
00:16:44,710 --> 00:16:45,945
Just tell him, will you?
470
00:16:46,045 --> 00:16:48,180
Well, I couldn't stand Rob.
471
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,618
I thought he was arrogant, repulsive, insufferable.
472
00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:55,955
Just hearing his voice, Stacey, used to make my flesh crawl.
473
00:16:56,055 --> 00:17:03,262
I thought he was just about the most-- What
we're trying to say, Stace, is that maybe it
475
00:17:03,362 --> 00:17:04,830
isn't over with Julie.
476
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:06,131
You know, I mean, look at us.
477
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,366
Our beginnings couldn't have been any worse.
478
00:17:07,466 --> 00:17:09,668
I thought he was brash and vulgar.
479
00:17:09,768 --> 00:17:12,404
I think we've covered that, honey.
480
00:17:12,505 --> 00:17:16,408
It's just that-- the thing is that there's not
just one person for every other person, Stace.
482
00:17:16,509 --> 00:17:17,376
Right.
483
00:17:17,476 --> 00:17:20,346
If Rob had continued to revolt me,
I have no doubt in this world I would
485
00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:23,349
have found somebody just as nice as Rob, maybe even nicer.
486
00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:27,086
And I wouldn't exactly have jumped off a
cliff if I hadn't married Laura either.
488
00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:30,322
I could have-- there was not telling what
kind of a great girl I might have found.
490
00:17:35,861 --> 00:17:38,364
Yeah, I-- I guess you're right.
491
00:17:38,464 --> 00:17:40,599
I'll-- I'll go in the office and get my banjo.
492
00:17:40,699 --> 00:17:41,534
I'll go with you.
493
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:42,568
Oh, good.
494
00:17:45,638 --> 00:17:47,406
You think I was a little too tough on him?
495
00:17:47,506 --> 00:17:51,110
No, no, I think I was a little too tough on you.
496
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:52,478
Yeah.
497
00:17:52,578 --> 00:17:54,280
Yeah, I was a little too tough on him.
498
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:55,447
No, you weren't, darling.
499
00:17:55,548 --> 00:17:59,018
If you'd upset him, he'd never
have agreed to come home with us.
501
00:17:59,118 --> 00:18:01,287
Honey-- Yeah.
502
00:18:01,387 --> 00:18:04,757
--isn't, ah, Stacey's banjo back at our house?
503
00:18:04,857 --> 00:18:05,791
It was on the chair.
504
00:18:05,891 --> 00:18:06,792
Yeah.
505
00:18:06,892 --> 00:18:07,860
Then what is in the office?
506
00:18:10,696 --> 00:18:12,064
The alley.
507
00:18:12,164 --> 00:18:13,165
Stacey!
508
00:18:13,265 --> 00:18:14,400
Stacey, come back.
509
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,235
The son of a gun ran away.
510
00:18:16,335 --> 00:18:17,570
Where to?
511
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:21,207
Well, I hope he didn't go back to the
gutter with that drunk, Willie Cooke.
513
00:18:21,307 --> 00:18:24,710
Poor guy, I know exactly how he feels.
514
00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:27,379
(SCREAMING) Nobody knows how he feels!
515
00:18:27,479 --> 00:18:29,315
I'm his older brother, I don't know how he feels.
516
00:18:29,415 --> 00:18:30,883
How could you possible know how he feels?
517
00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:35,321
I-- Everybody needs to know
how the poor kid feels.
519
00:18:35,421 --> 00:18:36,889
[phone ringing]
520
00:18:36,989 --> 00:18:38,090
Keep ringing, I'm coming.
521
00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:39,325
Keep ringing.
522
00:18:39,425 --> 00:18:40,759
LAURA PETRIE: Oh, Rob, open the door.
523
00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:44,396
Hello, hello!
524
00:18:44,496 --> 00:18:45,965
Don't hang up, hello.
525
00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:47,032
JULIE KINCAID: [inaudible]
526
00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:48,167
No, who's this?
527
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:49,501
This is Julie Kincaid.
528
00:18:49,602 --> 00:18:51,670
Oh, this is his brother, Rob.
529
00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:52,571
Is Stace there?
530
00:18:52,671 --> 00:18:53,706
Ah, no.
531
00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:54,440
Isn't he there?
532
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:55,841
No, he isn't here.
533
00:18:55,941 --> 00:18:57,109
It's Julie.
534
00:18:57,209 --> 00:18:58,243
I've been trying to reach him all night.
535
00:18:58,344 --> 00:18:59,478
What do you want him for?
536
00:18:59,578 --> 00:19:01,714
Oh, um, well, that's rather personal.
537
00:19:01,814 --> 00:19:02,448
What, what?
538
00:19:02,548 --> 00:19:03,449
Well, just a second.
539
00:19:03,549 --> 00:19:05,417
It's rather personal.
540
00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:07,219
Rob, you can tell me.
541
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:10,522
No, I mean, she's been looking for him
all night and-- and she wants to tell
543
00:19:10,623 --> 00:19:12,057
him something very personal.
544
00:19:12,157 --> 00:19:13,258
It's-- - Oh.
545
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:14,293
Listen, Julie.
546
00:19:14,393 --> 00:19:15,361
JULIE KINCAID (ON PHONE): Yeah.
547
00:19:15,461 --> 00:19:16,528
Stacey told us the whole story.
548
00:19:16,629 --> 00:19:18,230
Ooh, you must hate me.
549
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:19,999
No, you must hate Stace.
550
00:19:20,099 --> 00:19:20,899
Oh, no, I don't.
551
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,067
Not at all, not at all.
552
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,268
- Oh, that's wonderful. - What?
553
00:19:23,369 --> 00:19:27,473
What-- She doesn't hate Stace at
all, not at all.
555
00:19:27,573 --> 00:19:31,076
And as a matter of fact-- As a
matter of fact-- I'm telling my wife.
557
00:19:31,176 --> 00:19:32,444
JULIE KINCAID (ON PHONE): Oh.
558
00:19:32,544 --> 00:19:34,313
I'm sure she'll understand exactly how I felt.
559
00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:36,415
She says she's sure you understand how she felt.
560
00:19:36,515 --> 00:19:38,517
Oh, I'm sure she felt just awful.
561
00:19:38,617 --> 00:19:41,020
She says she's sure you felt just awful, Julie.
562
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:42,021
Oh, I did, I did.
563
00:19:42,121 --> 00:19:42,955
She did.
564
00:19:43,055 --> 00:19:43,956
Oh, she did.
565
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:49,762
I've done a lot of thinking since then.
566
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,964
She's done a lot of thinking since then.
567
00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:56,502
And when it first happened, when he first
told me how he fooled me, I said to myself,
569
00:19:56,602 --> 00:19:59,505
I hate that Stacey Petrie more than anything in this world.
570
00:19:59,605 --> 00:20:01,306
She hates him more than anything in this world.
571
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:02,541
Oh, well, the heck with her.
572
00:20:02,641 --> 00:20:03,709
The heck with-- no.
573
00:20:03,809 --> 00:20:05,177
Wait a minute.
574
00:20:05,277 --> 00:20:07,179
I skipped the part, that was before.
575
00:20:07,279 --> 00:20:08,414
Oh.
576
00:20:08,514 --> 00:20:09,682
Well, how does she feel about him now?
577
00:20:09,782 --> 00:20:11,216
Ah, Julie, how do you feel about him now?
578
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:14,887
All I really know about either Jim or
Stacey is what I read in those letters.
580
00:20:14,987 --> 00:20:16,255
Right.
581
00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:18,457
And I became interested in the man who wrote those letters.
582
00:20:18,557 --> 00:20:20,959
So Stacey must be a pretty nice guy.
583
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:22,061
- A great guy. - Who?
584
00:20:22,161 --> 00:20:22,995
Who's a great guy?
585
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:23,996
Stacey.
586
00:20:24,096 --> 00:20:24,930
Did she say that?
587
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:26,332
No, I said that.
588
00:20:26,432 --> 00:20:27,333
Please.
589
00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:28,801
Um, my wife's talking to me.
590
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,903
I just wonder if you'd give Stacey a message for me.
591
00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:32,438
ROB PETRIE (ON PHONE): Oh, sure, sure.
592
00:20:32,538 --> 00:20:38,610
Would you tell him that I'm-- I'm sorry for the
way I acted, and I'd like to see him again.
594
00:20:38,711 --> 00:20:42,481
And I'd like to come to the club opening
tomorrow night if he still wants me.
596
00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:43,949
Oh, Julie, I know he'd want you to come.
597
00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:44,883
To where-- to where?
598
00:20:44,983 --> 00:20:46,085
To the club-- club.
599
00:20:46,185 --> 00:20:49,488
Honey, please, will you-- oh, no, not you, Julia.
600
00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:51,256
I'll, ah-- I'll see you at the club.
601
00:20:51,356 --> 00:20:52,191
OK, thanks a lot.
602
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,192
Bye.
603
00:20:53,292 --> 00:20:54,760
ROB PETRIE (ON PHONE): Bye.
604
00:20:54,860 --> 00:20:56,695
That's great, she's coming to the opening tomorrow night.
605
00:20:56,795 --> 00:20:59,431
What makes you think Stacey is gonna be there?
606
00:20:59,531 --> 00:21:00,999
Well, honey, I know my brother.
607
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:04,136
He's the kind of a kid that if he
doesn't show up, I'll kill him.
609
00:21:08,474 --> 00:21:10,309
Ha, good evening, folks.
610
00:21:10,409 --> 00:21:11,510
Welcome to the tea bag.
611
00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:12,478
The coffee pot.
612
00:21:12,578 --> 00:21:15,681
What's the difference?
613
00:21:15,781 --> 00:21:18,350
How do you like this for a turn out-- turn out?
614
00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:23,489
[chuckles] In three years, this is the
worst, even the boss didn't show up.
616
00:21:23,589 --> 00:21:24,790
You're saying he's not here?
617
00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:26,892
I just told you he's not here.
618
00:21:26,992 --> 00:21:30,262
By the way, where is that brother of yours, Mr. Banjo?
619
00:21:30,362 --> 00:21:32,064
We haven't seen him since yesterday.
620
00:21:32,164 --> 00:21:35,868
Well, I wonder what they'll call this place next.
621
00:21:35,968 --> 00:21:37,002
It must be me.
622
00:21:37,102 --> 00:21:39,138
Got to be me.
623
00:21:39,238 --> 00:21:40,139
I'm gonna kill him.
624
00:21:40,239 --> 00:21:41,540
I'll kill him.
625
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:42,741
Rob, do you think we ought to call the police?
626
00:21:42,841 --> 00:21:43,876
Maybe.
627
00:21:43,976 --> 00:21:46,278
He might end up in the gutter with that
drunken actor, Willie Cooke, again.
629
00:21:46,378 --> 00:21:49,214
Sir, I have an announcement to make.
630
00:21:49,314 --> 00:21:51,517
I have left the gutter for good!
631
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,053
Willie Cooke?
632
00:21:55,154 --> 00:21:57,122
At your definite service, sir.
633
00:21:57,222 --> 00:21:58,323
Where's Stacey?
634
00:21:58,423 --> 00:22:03,562
Your brother [inaudible] though he is will arrive
here presently, refreshed and ready for his debut.
637
00:22:03,662 --> 00:22:05,798
And for that, sir, you may thank me.
638
00:22:05,898 --> 00:22:07,566
Well, I will thank you when I see him.
639
00:22:07,666 --> 00:22:11,069
Thank away, sir, for younger the
marry young minstrel approaches.
641
00:22:11,170 --> 00:22:13,105
Oh, Stacey, thank goodness.
642
00:22:13,205 --> 00:22:14,406
Good evening, Stacey.
643
00:22:14,506 --> 00:22:15,507
I'll see you [inaudible].
644
00:22:15,607 --> 00:22:16,642
Hi, Willie.
645
00:22:16,742 --> 00:22:18,076
Stacey, I ought to belt you.
646
00:22:18,177 --> 00:22:19,678
What-- why didn't you tell us where you were?
647
00:22:19,778 --> 00:22:22,014
Do you know we were ready to call the police?
648
00:22:22,114 --> 00:22:24,550
Well, I-- I-- I had to think
this one out for myself.
650
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:25,884
ROB PETRIE: And?
651
00:22:25,984 --> 00:22:28,053
Well, I've always wanted a place like this.
652
00:22:28,153 --> 00:22:32,024
And-- and you know, I'm the kind of
guy if I didn't show up, you'd kill me.
654
00:22:32,124 --> 00:22:35,027
So I decided to try to make a go of it.
655
00:22:35,127 --> 00:22:36,595
Well, good boy.
656
00:22:36,695 --> 00:22:38,564
What'd you decide about Julie?
657
00:22:38,664 --> 00:22:40,499
That I never want to see her again.
658
00:22:40,599 --> 00:22:41,667
Oh, dear.
659
00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:44,436
Stace, she's coming here tonight.
660
00:22:44,536 --> 00:22:45,771
What?
661
00:22:45,871 --> 00:22:47,906
Yeah, she-- she called last night to apologize.
662
00:22:48,006 --> 00:22:50,175
Well, I don't-- I don't care.
663
00:22:50,275 --> 00:22:51,944
She's out of my system and I never want to see her again.
664
00:22:52,044 --> 00:22:55,347
I see her again, she's back in my system.
665
00:22:55,447 --> 00:22:56,915
Hello, Stacey.
666
00:22:57,015 --> 00:22:57,850
Hi.
667
00:22:57,950 --> 00:23:02,187
I-- I just want you to know that-- I know, and
for me too, It's always-- Well, I understand.
670
00:23:02,287 --> 00:23:04,823
And when you said that-- Well,
it's impossible for me to say.
672
00:23:04,923 --> 00:23:08,060
Well, I did and when you-- I really--
Oh, that's why it's important.
674
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,161
Yes, it is.
675
00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:10,762
I don't understand a word they're saying.
676
00:23:10,863 --> 00:23:13,732
As long as they do, dear, that's all that matters.
677
00:23:18,303 --> 00:23:27,012
And now presenting the star and the proprietor of the
coffee pot, Mr Banjo, himself, Mr. Stacey Petrie.
679
00:23:27,112 --> 00:23:30,015
[applause]
680
00:23:30,115 --> 00:23:30,849
Kill them!
681
00:23:30,949 --> 00:23:33,752
[chuckles] Thank you, Willie.
682
00:23:33,852 --> 00:23:41,693
Um, before I kill you, I'd like to thank everybody who
made this evening possible for me and especially,
684
00:23:41,793 --> 00:23:47,299
the one person who in my heart is the
most responsible for my being here.
686
00:23:47,399 --> 00:23:52,304
My heartfelt and deep appreciation
go out to-- to Willie Cooke.
688
00:23:52,404 --> 00:23:53,705
[chuckles]
689
00:23:53,805 --> 00:23:55,173
[MUSIC - JERRY VAN DYKE, "HELLO DOLLY"]
690
00:23:55,274 --> 00:23:56,074
(SINGING) Hello, Dolly.
691
00:23:56,174 --> 00:23:57,042
Well, hello.
692
00:23:57,142 --> 00:23:58,377
Thank you, Lou.
693
00:23:58,477 --> 00:24:02,381
(SINGING)It's so nice to have you back where you belong.
694
00:24:02,481 --> 00:24:07,252
[theme song]
44574
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