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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dick, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Yeah, Mil, I'll just pull the car out of
the garage and meet you in the driveway.
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Oh, did you get a can of balls?
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Oh, good.
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Yeah, it is fun.
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We should have started this a long time ago.
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OK.
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I'll be right over.
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Ritchie, come on, dear.
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We've got to get going.
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Is it OK if I wear my football uniform?
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Well, it's going to look a little funny
on the tennis court, don't you think?
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No, I won't.
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Freddy's wearing his.
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Well, it's too late to change now.
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What?
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Stacey!
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- Hi, Laura. - Hi!
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My goodness.
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What are you doing here?
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Well, I came to visit my brother
and his wife and my little nephew.
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Is that him under there?
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Yeah.
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Uncle Stacey.
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How are you, pal?
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Jiminy, you're heavy.
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I'm nine.
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Well, already, huh?
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Give me the ball.
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Oh, Stacey, it's good to see you.
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But we had no idea.
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I wish you'd let us know.
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Didn't you get my letter?
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No.
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Gee, that's-- that's funny.
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I mailed it over a week ago.
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I thought for sure you'd have it by now.
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Oh, well, listen, it doesn't matter at all.
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I'm just glad to have you here. Come on.
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Sit down.
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Thank you.
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I remember the whole letter, anyway.
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I can tell it to you.
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OK.
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I-- I said, uh-- let's see-- dear Rob and Laura, well,
I'll be getting out of the Army in about a week.
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I got out last week.
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And I'm coming to visit New York.
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Here I am.
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I'm planning on signing the lease
for the nightclub I told you about.
52
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I did tell you about that, didn't I?
53
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Oh, didn't you get Rob's letter
saying he was going to invest in it?
54
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Yeah, I told you about it.
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And then I said, uh-- oh, yeah.
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I said, I hope, uh, you'll be able to put
me up or put up with me for a few days.
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A little-- a little humor.
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Until I find an apartment.
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And then I said, uh, oh-- and then I just told
you about the-- the girl I'm planning to marry.
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And then I just signed it with an X for a joke.
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Stacey, is that true?
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Yeah, you'll see it when you get the letter.
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I had a little X on the-- No!
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I mean about getting married.
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Are you?
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Oh, my goodness. Oh, dear.
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Don't you think I should?
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No, I just remembered my next door neighbor.
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Ritchie, would you go tell Millie
I'll call her in a minute? - OK, Mom.
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Throw me a pass, Uncle Stacey.
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Here you are, champ.
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Getting married.
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Stacey, I think that's wonderful.
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Who is she?
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Oh, it's-- she's a girl I've
been, uh, uh-- Going around with?
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No, no.
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Uh, writing letters. - Oh.
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Corresponding with.
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Well, where'd you meet her?
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Well, uh,
I haven't-- I haven't met her yet.
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You haven't met her, and you're going to marry her?
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Yeah, well, that's why I wanted to visit you first.
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You understand, don't you?
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Well, it's, uh-- not entirely.
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Hey, Stace?
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Hi.
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Where is he, honey?
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He went to Greenwich Village to see the club.
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Well, how does he like it?
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He's signing the lease, and he's bringing
home Chinese food as a celebration.
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Oh, great.
92
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Well, did he tell me on the phone that
he's going to marry a girl he never met?
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Yeah, that's what he told me.
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Well, how-- how can he marry a girl he's never met?
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I think you better ask him that, darling.
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Well, you tell me, honey.
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No, I can't.
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As a matter of fact, I'm not sure he can.
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You know, you've being very vague.
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How does he even know about her?
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Well, it was, uh-- she, um-- uh-- you-- -
What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.
102
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It's a direct quote from him.
103
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He can't-- she-- she can't be a complete stranger to him.
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[doorbell ringing]
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I'll get it.
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[laughing]
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Hey, Burford.
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- How are you, buddy? - How am I?
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Here.
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Hold these, and I'll show you.
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Huh?
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How's that for being in good shape, huh?
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Boy, Burford, let me look at you.
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Well, why don't you put me down and get the overall view?
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Oh.
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Yeah.
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You-- you really look great.
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So do you.
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Here, honey, serve the dinner, will you?
120
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- OK. - You-- oh.
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Excuse me.
122
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Boy, you are really rolling.
123
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One day out of the army, you've got a business and a wife.
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Well, I-- I don't know whether I have a wife or not.
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Stacey, didn't you tell me you were getting married?
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Yeah, but the whole thing's kind of indefinite.
127
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Well, Stace, you said you never met the girl.
128
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Well, just-- just through writing corr-- letters is all.
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How'd you happen to start writing to her?
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Well, she's, uh-- she's a friend of a
friend of mine in-- in-- in the army.
131
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Well, you mean, he-- he introduced
you through the mail, is that it?
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Yeah. Yeah.
133
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I guess you could say that.
134
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Well, I can see why you're a little hesitant
about committing yourself to marriage.
135
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Oh, I'm not hesit--
I'm hes-- I'm ready.
136
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I'm just not too sure whether--
whether she is or not.
137
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Well, she-- she said that?
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I haven't asked her yet.
139
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Well, when are you planning to?
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As soon as I, uh, talk to her, you know, and
explain, uh, some, uh-- a few things about myself.
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Stacey, sit down.
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All right.
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- Stacey, over here. - Oh.
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Yes.
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Silly.
146
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I can't reach from there to here trying to-- trying to eat, huh?
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It doesn't make any sense.
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Hey, what was that you were saying
about having to explain a few things?
149
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Stacey, are you hiding deep, dark secrets about yourself?
150
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Oh, I don't know how da-- dark.
151
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Uh, they're not very deep.
152
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It's just that there's a few things that--
that I haven't been, uh, t-- told her.
153
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It's kind of-- it's a secret.
154
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I'd rather not talk about it.
155
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Where's she live, Stace?
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She, uh, lives right in New York near the,
uh, uh, uh-- in-- - Times Square? - No, no.
157
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Where they have,
uh-- and-- LAURA: Central Park? - Right.
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ROB: Oh. - Central Park.
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I think she's rich or something.
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Well, look, uh, after dinner, why don't
you take the car keys, give her a call,
161
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and go down and meet her? - That's a good idea.
162
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After dinner, I'll get in the car, then I'll
call-- no, first, I'll-- first of all, I'll--
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uh, and then I'll get in,
and I'll-- Better idea.
164
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Well, now that that's set, what do
you say we all, um-- Uh, that's eat.
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Yeah.
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Boy, she's sure easy to talk to, Rob.
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[music on television]
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[music stops]
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Stace, you don't really want to watch television, do you?
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Sure, I-- I love television.
171
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It's not on.
172
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Look.
173
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Why don't you give Judy a call?
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Julie.
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Well, whatever her name is,
why don't you drive down and see her?
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Rob, I-- I really don't feel like it tonight.
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You've been here for four days.
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Every day, you've had some excuse not to go.
179
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I've been busy, Rob, getting the
club ready to open and everything.
180
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You've got to protect your investment.
181
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,549
And I appreciate that.
182
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But don't you think you ought to at least call her?
183
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:08,804
Look, darling, maybe he doesn't want to visit Julie.
184
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Stop goading him.
185
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,724
Oh, no, goading's all--
I like to be goaded.
186
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:13,433
That's all right.
187
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,060
I-- I want to see her.
188
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It's just-- Are you
afraid to see her?
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No.
190
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Uh-- ROB: Petrified.
191
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,904
Stace, what is it with you and this
girl that you are not telling us?
192
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That's it.
193
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,615
I'm not telling you.
194
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You're-- you're not still shy with girls, are you?
195
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Who's not?
196
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I thought you were over that state.
197
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:36,540
No.
198
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:39,877
Boy, I was almost over it once,
but I then slid right back into it.
199
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,964
What you've got to do is meet her face
to face, take her out on a few dates.
200
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,716
Just let nature take its course.
201
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:50,095
Oh, Rob, if I do that, I'll end up like I always
do, tripping over my feet and everything else.
202
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:51,471
No.
203
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:54,224
If she's the right girl, you might find
you're not tripping as much as you think.
204
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,602
Oh, I know she's the right girl, all right.
205
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,770
But maybe I ought to practice first.
206
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,440
You know, like a-- like a practice date.
207
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,108
Practice date?
208
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,193
Yeah.
209
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:08,989
You know, in the army, uh, they-- you always go
out on field maneuvers before the real thing.
210
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575
So in the real thing, you don't get killed, you know?
211
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:12,910
How about Sally? - What?
212
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,912
You want to have a practice date with Sally?
213
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,205
Sally, I can talk to.
214
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,956
And then maybe I can explain a few things.
215
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,042
Why can't you explain a few things to Laura?
216
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,585
No, I mean a real girl.
217
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,212
I know you're a real girl.
218
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,505
I didn't mean that.
219
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,173
But you're married, you know, to my brother.
220
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,382
It's not the same.
221
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,467
You think Sally would go out with me?
222
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:29,384
I don't know.
223
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:30,677
She might.
224
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,804
She's never been on field maneuvers before.
225
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:33,680
I don't know.
226
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:34,640
Ask her.
227
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,725
Me?
228
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,727
You don't expect me to ask her?
229
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,563
Yeah.
230
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,690
Yeah.
231
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,484
Yeah.
232
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,819
OK, Rob, you're on.
233
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:50,155
Well, Sally, what I want to ask you is pretty silly.
234
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,532
I'll do it.
235
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,741
Well, don't you want to hear what it is first?
236
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,409
You want me to go out with a fella.
237
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:58,372
Oh, you come running in here, all atwitter,
interrupt a good crossword puzzle to tell me you've
238
00:08:58,497 --> 00:08:59,665
got a fellow who's not for me?
239
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,208
Will you please let me finish?
240
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,459
Listen.
241
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,504
Those kind of news flashes I don't
need first thing in the morning.
242
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:07,589
I'm talking about my kid brother, Stacey.
243
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:08,841
What about Stacey?
244
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,467
Would you go out on a date with him?
245
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:11,677
- Never. - Will you shut up?
246
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,430
Would you go out on a date with him?
247
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:16,807
Wait a minute.
248
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,308
I thought you said Stacey was getting married.
249
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:22,187
Well, uh, the boy would like to get married,
but he hadn't got the guts to ask the girl.
250
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,605
And you want me to ask her?
251
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:24,314
No.
252
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,649
Sal, I'm serious.
253
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:29,069
For some dark reason, he's afraid to meet her.
254
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:33,782
And he's so darn shy with girls that he thought
maybe he ought to go on a few practice dates.
255
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,159
You want me to be one of those practice dates?
256
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,244
Well, no, I don't.
257
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,162
But Stacey asked me to ask you.
258
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,372
Pretty crazy, right?
259
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,999
No, not so crazy.
260
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:47,087
You see, the only way to get over being
shy with the opposite sex is to talk to it.
261
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,380
Well, I got to warn you.
262
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,882
With girls, he is not much of a talker.
263
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:50,966
Well, what is he?
264
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,386
Well, he mumbles and apologizes a lot.
265
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:55,596
Oh, that's silly.
266
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,181
What's he going to apologize to me for?
267
00:09:57,264 --> 00:10:01,894
Oh, stepping on your feet, spilling
drinks on your dress, tripping-- Oh.
268
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,897
Tripping, spilling drinks on my-- sounds like a fun evening.
269
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,233
Sure, if you've got a raincoat and army boots.
270
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,651
Will you go out on a date with him?
271
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:10,402
No.
272
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,403
Well, I don't blame you.
273
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,321
But I'll cook him a dinner.
274
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,739
ROB: No kidding?
275
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,532
Yeah, because, you see, this is a real challenge.
276
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,867
And I'll tell you one thing, Rob.
277
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,621
If I can't un-shy this guy, nobody can.
278
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:21,955
Sure sounds kind of crazy to me.
279
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:22,831
You and Stace.
280
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,666
Well, what's so crazy about it?
281
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,251
Well, you'd hit me if I tell you.
282
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:31,089
No, I wouldn't It's like pairing
Lady Macbeth and Porky the Pig.
283
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,257
You're right.
284
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,258
I told you she was going to hit me.
285
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,218
It hurt.
286
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,470
You hit hard.
287
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:42,351
Well, Stacey, you all set for a nice evening
with conversation and dinner and everything?
288
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,685
I don't know, Rob.
289
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:47,022
I'd be a lot more set if you and--
you and Laura were going with me.
290
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,273
Well, come on.
291
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,775
That would defeat the whole purpose of the evening.
292
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,901
Yeah.
293
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,611
We'll stop by for coffee after the theatre.
294
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:56,281
Gosh, I-- I sure hope I can find enough
things to talk about until you get there.
295
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,824
I wouldn't worry about a thing.
296
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,244
With Sally, she'll do enough talking for the both of you.
297
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,203
I sure hope so.
298
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,120
Ready?
299
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:03,121
Well, shall we?
300
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,122
Yes, please.
301
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,249
My goodness.
302
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,377
I feel a bit gaudy being escorted
by two such handsome gentlemen.
303
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,920
[laughing] - Oh, wait.
304
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:10,879
I almost forgot.
305
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:11,880
Wait.
306
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,467
You're not going to take your banjo?
307
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:19,137
Yeah, it's a good thing to have just in case.
308
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,722
In case what?
309
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:23,267
Well, uh, it's always a good-- doesn't Sally like the banjo?
310
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,643
I've never asked her.
311
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,728
Well, if she doesn't, I won't play it.
312
00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:30,524
But if she does, it'll, uh,
be right there for me to have just--
313
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,193
but if-- if you don't think
that she likes it-- No, no.
314
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,361
Go ahead and take it.
315
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,320
Well, once again.
316
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:36,238
Shall we?
317
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,739
Please.
318
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,825
You don't think she likes the banjo, I won't take it.
319
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,828
A lot of people don't love the banjo.
320
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:45,706
You know, sometimes, I just take it.
321
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,503
No, Herman, you can't drop over tonight.
322
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,671
HERMAN (ON PHONE): But why?
323
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,506
Because I'm busy.
324
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,549
Who is he?
325
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:56,592
You don't know him.
326
00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:57,843
Where are you going?
327
00:11:57,968 --> 00:11:58,802
Nowhere.
328
00:11:58,886 --> 00:11:59,803
I've just prepared a little dinner.
329
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,430
For just the two of you?
330
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,389
Well, no.
331
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:05,767
We'll have the violinist.
332
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,186
Sally, I'm being serious.
333
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,813
SALLY (ON PHONE): Look, Herman, we're not engaged.
334
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,398
But I thought we had an understanding.
335
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,691
I know I did.
336
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,484
Herman, don't you raise your voice to me.
337
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,611
Why not?
338
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:19,239
Because I'm bigger than you are.
339
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,324
Bye, Herman.
340
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,117
Ugh. Boy.
341
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:23,035
[knocking]
342
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,036
OK!
343
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,665
Oh, hi, Stacey.
344
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:29,708
How are you?
345
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,002
Gee, it's nice to see you again.
346
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,837
It sure is.
347
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,214
These-- these are mine.
348
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,173
I mean, they're for you.
349
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,049
You want them?
350
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:38,217
Oh, thank you.
351
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:43,096
I let go before you-- oh, wait.
352
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:44,056
I'm sorry.
353
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,390
Well, they're lovely.
354
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:46,391
They're lovely.
355
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,477
They sure had a good smell.
356
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,020
Yeah.
357
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,564
Oh, they still do.
358
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,108
Well, come on in, Stace.
359
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:56,109
Stace?
360
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:56,902
What are you doing?
361
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,238
Oh, I was just checking.
362
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,073
Checking what?
363
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,032
The door.
364
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,242
Uh, to see if the door was closed.
365
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,409
It wasn't. Look.
366
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,410
It's open.
367
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:06,703
I-- oh, I'd better close it.
368
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:07,955
You'd rather have it closed, wouldn't you?
369
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,917
Stacey, are you just a little
nervous about the door being closed?
370
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,086
Yeah, a little, I guess.
371
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,337
Why?
372
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:19,341
Well, I was afraid someone might steal my banjo.
373
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,926
I-- I brought it along.
374
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,928
And I-- and I left it out in the hall.
375
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:23,846
Oh.
376
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,013
Why did you leave it in the hall?
377
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:28,600
Well, if I'd have brought it in,
you'd think I brought it to play.
378
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,602
Well, why did you bring it?
379
00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:35,566
Well, to play if-- if-- if
you like banjo, you know.
380
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,733
I'd better leave it out in the hall.
381
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,151
No, no, no. I tell you.
382
00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:41,071
Why don't you give it to me,
and I'll put it in a nice, safe place, OK?
383
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:41,780
Yeah.
384
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:42,948
Right over here.
385
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,283
- That's a good idea. - All right?
386
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:47,327
And that way, if you want me to play
it, you can just hand it to me.
387
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:53,292
And if-- if you don't want me to play, you won't--
you don't have to hand it-- I'll close the door.
388
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,585
Come on in, Stacey.
389
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,295
Gee, it's nice to see you again. - Thank you.
390
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,045
- Sit down. - Stacey!
391
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,714
I'm OK.
392
00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,798
I'm all right.
393
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:01,258
I didn't see the-- - The chair.
394
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,259
The chair.
395
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,468
I guess it's army training.
396
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:04,469
Oh.
397
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:07,639
You-- you "sit" like an order.
398
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:08,640
Sit.
399
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,558
I got it.
400
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,768
I'm all right.
401
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,813
Why don't we just sit here on the couch and chat, OK?
402
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,481
Well, that's-- that's a good idea.
403
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:17,941
What would you like to chat about?
404
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,860
Oh, anything you'd like.
405
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,320
Yeah, that's a good idea.
406
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,367
Uh, would you like to talk about your new club?
407
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,785
Yeah, that's a good idea.
408
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,334
Uh, uh, when does it open?
409
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,586
What?
410
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,587
The club.
411
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,631
Oh, it's, uh, next week.
412
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,175
Oh, well, tell me about it.
413
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:48,889
Well, uh, it won't open until next week.
414
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:52,226
Uh, Rob tells me you're planning on getting married.
415
00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:53,519
Yeah, I know.
416
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,354
You know?
417
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:56,730
I know he told you.
418
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:57,981
I told him to tell you.
419
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,274
He told me he told you.
420
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:00,359
Oh.
421
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,402
Well, would you like to talk about that?
422
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:05,697
Yeah, that's a good idea.
423
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:09,451
Uh, listen, uh, uh, would you like
to talk about something else, Stace?
424
00:15:09,535 --> 00:15:10,577
No, no. That's fine.
425
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:11,578
That's fine.
426
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:12,579
We can talk about the club.
427
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,622
Yeah.
428
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,623
What are you doing there?
429
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,124
What are you pulling there?
430
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:19,711
Oh, I-- I shouldn't have pulled that thread, I guess.
431
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:20,963
I-- I got these--
432
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:25,968
I bought these on sale in Hong Kong.
433
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,555
Oh.
434
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,973
Were you in Hong Kong?
435
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:31,723
No.
436
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:34,768
Yeah, I was-- I was-- just for
a couple of nights, kind of.
437
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,395
It was only a lay-- a stopover.
438
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:37,604
Oh, well.
439
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,231
Uh, would you like to talk about that?
440
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:40,399
Yeah.
441
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,984
Would-- would you rather talk about Hong Kong?
442
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,070
Oh, anything you'd like, Stace.
443
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,781
I thought we were going to, uh,
talk about my marriage plans.
444
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:53,370
Oh, that's a good i-- I mean, uh--
yeah, why don't you tell me about that?
445
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:58,750
There's this girl, uh, Julie, and I've
been, uh, writing in letters to her.
446
00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:03,005
And I've been-- it's been--
I've been lying a little bit.
447
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,548
What kind of lying?
448
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,428
Well, she, uh-- she-- she
thinks I'm somebody else.
449
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:11,263
She doesn't know who I am.
450
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:14,266
Well, who does she think you are?
451
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,350
James Garner.
452
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:21,273
James Garner?
453
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:30,282
What time is it?
454
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,366
It's almost 11:30.
455
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:32,743
You think we're too early?
456
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,453
I don't think we should go up at all.
457
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,788
Well, honey, I don't think
there's anything's wrong with it.
458
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:40,125
If there's one thing your brother
doesn't need, it's a chaperone.
459
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,877
Yeah, it's kind of like checking on Bambi.
460
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,340
Hey, Dr. Lemler.
461
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:47,633
- Oh, hi, Rob. - Hello.
462
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:48,550
Hi, Laura.
463
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:50,052
Now there's nothing to worry about.
464
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,470
Everything is under control.
465
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:52,429
What's under control?
466
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:53,805
Oh, they didn't call you?
467
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:54,723
Nobody called us.
468
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:55,807
What happened, doctor?
469
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,351
Well, uh, quite a bit.
470
00:16:57,476 --> 00:16:59,811
But I think perhaps you'd better let Sally explain it.
471
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:00,979
What's she have to explain?
472
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,064
Was somebody hurt?
473
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,273
Well, not too badly.
474
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:04,399
Uh, look.
475
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:06,276
I have to go and make another call.
476
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,736
Why don't you go right up?
477
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,488
I'm sure they'll need some help in straightening up.
478
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:10,781
What needs straightening up?
479
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:14,785
Well, uh, the room, your brother, his head.
480
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:15,953
Quite a mess up there.
481
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,079
Well, goodbye.
482
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,205
Goodbye.
483
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:20,332
My brother, Bambi, just grew horns.
484
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:21,583
- Oh. - OK.
485
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,377
This, uh-- this ought to do it, Stacey.
486
00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:25,003
This ought to make you feel a little better.
487
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:25,921
Here.
488
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,256
Put it there, all right?
489
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:28,674
Oh, gee.
490
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:30,509
I'm sorry, Sally, everything turned out like this.
491
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,635
Oh, that's all right.
492
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,721
I was going to redecorate anyway.
493
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:36,014
I'll tell you.
494
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,474
It's all my fault. And I'm going to pay for everything.
495
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:38,934
Oh, come on. Don't be silly.
496
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,686
None of this would have happened if I hadn't screamed.
497
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,855
Oh, if it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have screamed.
498
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:43,730
[knocking]
499
00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:44,773
Just a minute.
500
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,862
Oh, hi.
501
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,071
What happened here?
502
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:52,364
Hi, Rob. Hi, Laura.
503
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:53,323
How was the play?
504
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:54,616
How was the-- never mind.
505
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,243
What the devil happened in here?
506
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,619
- Oh, quite a lot. - A lot?
507
00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:58,954
It looks like an earthquake struck.
508
00:17:59,037 --> 00:17:59,997
Oh, you've noticed.
509
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,040
We saw Dr. Lemler downstairs.
510
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,667
Stacey, are you all right?
511
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,794
Yeah, well, I-- Well,
he-- he's all right. Look.
512
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:08,964
Why don't you sit down,
and Stacey will tell you all about it?
513
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,215
I'd rather not, Sally.
514
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,675
I'm so embarrassed.
515
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,178
Will one of you, please, tell us?
516
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,053
All right.
517
00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,388
Look.
518
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,556
How much about Julie and the letters do you know?
519
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,099
Well, we know a little about it.
520
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,351
You see, Stacey was telling me about his being James Garner.
521
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:22,394
Hold it.
522
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,771
We don't know anything about it.
523
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:26,064
James Garner?
524
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,274
Yeah, well, look.
525
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:28,734
Stace and I were sitting on the couch.
526
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:31,695
And he was talking about his marriage plans to Julie.
527
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:37,701
Well, he wasn't exactly talking-- he was
kind of mumbling and pulling threads and--
528
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:42,331
I know it sounds ridiculous, Sally, but the whole
thing came about in such a-- such a crazy way.
529
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,248
Now wait a minute.
530
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,249
Now wait a minute.
531
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,834
Let me get this straight.
532
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:51,131
Now, Julie thinks that she's been corresponding
with James Garner, the movie actor?
533
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,091
Oh, no, James Garner.
534
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:54,259
He's a drummer friend of mine.
535
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,260
Oh.
536
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,179
You thought I meant the actor.
537
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,764
Well, it's a natural mistake.
538
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:04,603
Oh, no, not-- uh, this Jim Garner-- uh not-- not
the actor-- - The drummer. - Yeah, he's good.
539
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:05,896
Yeah.
540
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:09,775
Anyway, he-- he met Julie when he is
in the hospital, and she was a nurse.
541
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,612
And, uh, he asked her if she could, uh,
write-- if they could write to each other.
542
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,322
And she said OK, and they did.
543
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,741
And she wrote him a real-- a real nice letter.
544
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,327
But he-- he was afraid to answer it.
545
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:21,870
Why?
546
00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:25,374
Well, Jim's a real nice guy and
handsome and everything, but dumb.
547
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:27,626
Boy, he's as dumb as they come.
548
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,712
I think he's an elementary school dropout or something.
549
00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:35,509
Anyway, he begged me-- he begged me
and so-- To help him write the letter?
550
00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,094
Well, I didn't help him.
551
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:43,141
I-- I wrote every last bit of it, from your
dearest heart to your lonesome soldier, Jim.
552
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:44,893
Boy, I really laid it on.
553
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:48,146
That letter was just chock full of poetry and sweet talk.
554
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,690
Oh, boy.
555
00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:52,484
She-- she sent one back, and I'll tell you, that-- oh, my.
556
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:53,986
Look what I did. No, don't look.
557
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:54,903
Don't look.
558
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:55,988
Did you see?
559
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,657
Well, enough not to buy a suit in Hong Kong.
560
00:19:58,740 --> 00:19:59,324
Oh, no.
561
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,742
Listen.
562
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:02,744
I did see your pants fall apart, didn't I, Stacey?
563
00:20:02,828 --> 00:20:03,453
Yeah.
564
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:04,997
Doggone it.
565
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,999
Have-- have-- have you got a needle and thread?
566
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:07,916
I'll stitch them up.
567
00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:08,959
Well, wait a minute.
568
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,586
Why don't you go inside and take them off?
569
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:12,212
And I'll sew them up for you, OK?
570
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:13,630
No. I can't do that.
571
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:15,007
You just give me a needle and thread.
572
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,049
I'll-- I'll sew them.
573
00:20:16,175 --> 00:20:17,384
Oh, all right. You sure?
574
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:18,969
Because I can do it for you, you know.
575
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:19,887
No, I can do it.
576
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:20,846
I-- I can sew.
577
00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:22,681
I did-- I learned how in the army.
578
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:23,974
I didn't go overseas.
579
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,017
Oh.
580
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,228
Here. How about that?
581
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:29,438
I think that'll do it. - All right.
582
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,647
Thank you. Now, don't look.
583
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:31,356
Oh.
584
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,983
Oh, all right.
585
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,193
OK.
586
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,528
Now, what happened when she sent the letter back?
587
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:40,032
Or can't you talk and sew at the same time?
588
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:43,785
Uh, she sent a letter back, and it was a real gushy one.
589
00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:45,078
Uh-huh.
590
00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:49,541
And then Jim talked me into writing another one,
and-- and this time, I really outdid myself.
591
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,127
And, well-- well, she wrote-- she wrote one back.
592
00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:55,339
She practically-- practically said she loved me-- uh, him.
593
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,216
And that scared Jim half to death.
594
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,634
Boy, he was so scared.
595
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,636
And he was all for stopping it right then and there.
596
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:02,846
But I-- I talked him out of it.
597
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:05,557
Oh, because you wanted to write the letter for hi?
598
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:06,558
Not for him.
599
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:07,726
For-- for me.
600
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,144
- Oh. - And I did.
601
00:21:09,228 --> 00:21:12,064
Only-- Only you kept
signing his name.
602
00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:14,233
Yeah, well, he gave me permission to.
603
00:21:14,358 --> 00:21:19,988
Then I was afraid to tell her I was me because,
uh, I was afraid she'd stop-- she'd stop writing.
604
00:21:20,072 --> 00:21:22,074
Well, Stacey, you're going to have to tell her sometime.
605
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:23,075
I know. I will.
606
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,076
I know it. - Ow!
607
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:25,536
- I'm sorry. - Ow!
608
00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:26,453
I'm sorry, Sally.
609
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,621
Are you OK? - Oh!
610
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:28,956
Did I hurt you?
611
00:21:29,081 --> 00:21:31,083
Now just stay away from me, will you, Stacey?
612
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:31,959
Stay away.
613
00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:33,877
I didn't mean-- I'll handle
this, Sally.
614
00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:34,837
You creep.
615
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,547
Herman!
616
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:38,423
[yelling]
617
00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:40,342
You hurt a poor defenseless girl?
618
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:41,802
[screaming]
619
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:43,496
Wait a minute. Mister, what in the world?
620
00:21:43,554 --> 00:21:44,429
Just wait.
621
00:21:44,513 --> 00:21:45,597
Are you serious?
622
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,395
Sally, who is that?
623
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,354
That's Herman.
624
00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:53,272
Herman, you're crazy.
625
00:21:53,397 --> 00:21:54,439
Oh!
626
00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,650
He's not right, Sally.
627
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:58,777
I'm gonna tell-- Stacey.
628
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:00,988
Oh, just let me hit him once, Sally.
629
00:22:01,113 --> 00:22:01,947
Get out of the way.
630
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,031
Listen, mister.
631
00:22:03,115 --> 00:22:04,575
You don't understand.
632
00:22:04,658 --> 00:22:05,617
You're not right.
633
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:06,785
This time I'm gonna get you.
634
00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:09,246
Wait a minute!
635
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,372
Hold it!
636
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,790
You just hold it right there, boy!
637
00:22:11,874 --> 00:22:13,458
I-- I'm in the army.
638
00:22:13,584 --> 00:22:15,878
I studied the-- Yeah,
yeah, boxing, boxing.
639
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:16,587
No, no.
640
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:18,463
What do they call-- Judo, judo.
641
00:22:18,547 --> 00:22:19,339
No, no.
642
00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:21,258
The Japanese-- Karate.
643
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:22,259
That's it.
644
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,135
Herman!
645
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,428
[interposing voices]
646
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,679
All right, buddy.
647
00:22:25,804 --> 00:22:28,307
I'm not gonna give
you-- I'm mad.
648
00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:31,268
I'm going to-- I'm riled
now, boy.
649
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,811
Oh, Sally.
650
00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:35,606
Sally!
651
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:36,523
Get out of the way, Sally.
652
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,651
Stacey was-- I don't get
mad very-- [shouting]
653
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:47,826
I tell you.
654
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:48,994
I never saw Herman act that way.
655
00:22:49,077 --> 00:22:51,371
He was like-- he was like a wild man.
656
00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:55,209
Gee, I can't picture Herman Glimscher kicking and punching.
657
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:56,752
Where is he?
658
00:22:56,835 --> 00:23:00,631
Well, his mother came to pick him up and drive him home.
659
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,799
Well, Sal, I don't know what to say.
660
00:23:02,883 --> 00:23:05,052
I feel like this whole disaster was my fault.
661
00:23:05,177 --> 00:23:09,223
I should never have involved
you in the-- oh, Sal, I'm sorry.
662
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:12,184
I didn't-- You sure can
tell you two are brothers.
663
00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:13,602
Look.
664
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:15,354
I don't look at it as any kind of a disaster, Rob.
665
00:23:15,479 --> 00:23:17,356
It turned out to be a good evening for all of us.
666
00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:22,319
Oh, yeah, for the rug cleaners, the
upholsterers-- And for Sally and Stacey.
667
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:23,654
What are you talking about?
668
00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:25,030
Yeah, what are you talking about?
669
00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,907
See how women know things men don't?
670
00:23:27,032 --> 00:23:27,950
No.
671
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:32,746
Well, it was a good evening for Sally, because she
saw an attractive new facet to an old boyfriend.
672
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:35,207
Attractive new-- he acted like a mad man.
673
00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:39,253
Yeah, but it's the first time he's
ever acted like any kind of a man.
674
00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:40,838
Well, tell me this then.
675
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,881
How does my brother here with a bump on his head benefit?
676
00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:45,634
Yeah, how-- how do me bump--
with a bump on the head benefit?
677
00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,720
Well-- All you got to remember
is that it all happened here.
678
00:23:48,846 --> 00:23:49,847
- Right. - So?
679
00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:53,433
Can you imagine what would have happened if this
had taken place at his girlfriend's apartment?
680
00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:54,685
Yeah.
681
00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:55,769
You see, this was like the rehearsal.
682
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:58,897
Now, when he visits Julie--
Oh, I don't know.
683
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,858
I don't-- I don't think I'm going to visit Julie.
684
00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:06,196
Well, Stacey, if you don't go through
with this, you're no brother of mine.
685
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:07,239
Can I be your sister?
686
00:24:07,364 --> 00:24:08,782
Oh, come on, Stacey.
687
00:24:13,579 --> 00:24:18,959
[music playing]49734
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