Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,092 --> 00:00:02,643
[THEME - EARLE HAGEN, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THEME"]
2
00:00:02,743 --> 00:00:05,880
ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show.
3
00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:15,222
Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
4
00:00:15,322 --> 00:00:19,960
Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
5
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:22,630
[music playing]
6
00:01:27,561 --> 00:01:29,229
Oh!
7
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:30,197
Rob!
8
00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:31,165
Sorry, honey.
9
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:32,066
I didn't do it on purpose.
10
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:32,800
I fell.
11
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:33,934
Are you all right?
12
00:01:34,034 --> 00:01:34,835
Fair.
13
00:01:34,935 --> 00:01:37,104
Well, go back to sleep, honey.
14
00:01:37,204 --> 00:01:37,871
What time is it?
15
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,373
3 o'clock in the morning.
16
00:01:39,473 --> 00:01:43,510
We wrote and rewrote that script for 11 solid hours.
17
00:01:43,610 --> 00:01:44,979
Well, it was worth it, right?
18
00:01:45,079 --> 00:01:46,580
No.
19
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,615
I never worked so hard on anything.
20
00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:49,917
All I have to do is get up in the morning
21
00:01:50,017 --> 00:01:51,685
and correct this darn thing.
22
00:01:53,921 --> 00:01:55,656
Honey, this is a newspaper.
23
00:01:55,756 --> 00:01:58,759
You gonna correct the newspaper, dear?
24
00:01:58,859 --> 00:02:01,695
I thought I had the script in my hand all that time.
25
00:02:01,795 --> 00:02:02,963
Must have dropped it.
26
00:02:06,634 --> 00:02:07,501
Laura!
27
00:02:07,601 --> 00:02:08,936
What? What's the matter?
28
00:02:09,036 --> 00:02:09,837
Everything's the matter.
29
00:02:09,937 --> 00:02:11,338
I lost the script!
30
00:02:11,438 --> 00:02:12,806
You didn't.
31
00:02:12,906 --> 00:02:14,708
Buddy, and Sally, and I worked all night on that script.
32
00:02:14,808 --> 00:02:16,377
We put it in an envelope.
33
00:02:16,477 --> 00:02:17,778
I left with the envelope.
34
00:02:17,878 --> 00:02:19,413
I put it somewhere and I don't know where I put it.
35
00:02:19,513 --> 00:02:20,581
Oh, my foot!
36
00:02:20,681 --> 00:02:21,615
I'm sorry, honey.
37
00:02:21,715 --> 00:02:22,516
I thought that was your foot.
38
00:02:22,616 --> 00:02:25,386
I have two, you know.
39
00:02:25,486 --> 00:02:28,155
Well, didn't you have a carbon copy of the script?
40
00:02:28,255 --> 00:02:29,556
By golly, we did.
41
00:02:29,656 --> 00:02:32,760
It was in the envelope that I lost.
42
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,361
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
43
00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:37,431
Darling, losing a script doesn't make you stupid.
44
00:02:37,531 --> 00:02:40,034
Yeah, but hitting yourself on the head that hard does.
45
00:02:45,205 --> 00:02:45,939
Are you sure?
46
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,307
Maybe you left it at the office?
47
00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:48,575
No, I didn't, honey.
48
00:02:48,676 --> 00:02:50,177
I remembered leaving the office with it.
49
00:02:50,277 --> 00:02:52,513
Buddy dropped me off with the cab at Grand Central Station.
50
00:02:52,613 --> 00:02:54,048
I remember leaving the cab with it.
51
00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:55,983
You sure you didn't leave it in the cab with Buddy?
52
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:58,852
No, I remember because buddy said something.
53
00:02:58,952 --> 00:03:00,788
Oh, he said, Rob don't forget the script
54
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:02,122
it's stinking up the cab.
55
00:03:05,659 --> 00:03:07,194
I went through the east gate.
56
00:03:07,294 --> 00:03:07,961
I remember that.
57
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:09,430
Stopped at the newsstand.
58
00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:12,433
I bought a paper and an orange drink and a Big Irving.
59
00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:13,834
A Big Irving?
60
00:03:13,934 --> 00:03:15,969
It's a new candy bar from Holland or Israel
61
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,439
or Australia, somewhere.
62
00:03:18,539 --> 00:03:21,275
No, no, I had a grape juice, not an orange drink.
63
00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:23,210
Rob, what difference does that make?
64
00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:25,512
Well, uh, honey, I'm trying to remember everything.
65
00:03:25,612 --> 00:03:27,314
I walked away from the newsstand.
66
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,248
Ah!
67
00:03:28,348 --> 00:03:29,249
What?
68
00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:30,417
I had a root beer and a Big Irving.
69
00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:32,753
Now I remember.
70
00:03:32,853 --> 00:03:34,088
Darling.
71
00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:35,756
Wait a minute, it's all coming back clearly now.
72
00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:37,424
I took the paper.
73
00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:41,862
I sat down on a bench to read and the train came in
74
00:03:41,962 --> 00:03:44,465
and I don't remember getting on the train with it.
75
00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:45,799
You don't?
76
00:03:45,899 --> 00:03:49,436
I left that script in Grand Central Station.
77
00:03:49,536 --> 00:03:50,404
Oh, what a dope! - Wait.
78
00:03:50,504 --> 00:03:51,972
Stop.
79
00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:53,841
Instead of hitting yourself, darling, get up early tomorrow
80
00:03:53,941 --> 00:03:55,676
morning and go to the Lost and Found department
81
00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:56,643
and check for it.
82
00:03:56,743 --> 00:03:57,778
I'll drive you into town.
83
00:03:57,878 --> 00:03:59,713
You might as well get some sleep.
84
00:03:59,813 --> 00:04:02,082
Too worried to go to sleep.
85
00:04:02,182 --> 00:04:08,155
[grunts] Oh boy, Buddy and Sally are gonna be so sorry for me.
86
00:04:08,255 --> 00:04:09,490
Sorry for you?
87
00:04:09,590 --> 00:04:11,725
Don't you think they're gonna be just a little bit mad?
88
00:04:11,825 --> 00:04:12,793
Oh no, they won't be mad.
89
00:04:12,893 --> 00:04:14,361
They'll be sorry.
90
00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:16,930
If I don't get that script I'm jumping in front of a train
91
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,433
and they're gonna be sorry.
92
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:22,102
[music playing]
93
00:04:23,871 --> 00:04:26,440
[music playing]
94
00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:29,042
Where is that guy?
95
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,711
We've been here almost a half an hour, honey.
96
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:33,380
That's because we're half an hour early.
97
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,414
How's your headache?
98
00:04:34,515 --> 00:04:35,716
Well, I took a couple aspirin.
99
00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:39,486
It's all gone, except for the pain.
100
00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:40,988
Oh, if that script isn't here.
101
00:04:41,088 --> 00:04:41,922
Oh, good morning.
102
00:04:42,022 --> 00:04:43,157
Good morning, folks.
103
00:04:43,257 --> 00:04:44,758
Are you the, uh, Lost and Found man?
104
00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:45,926
Yep.
105
00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:47,227
- Oh well, I lost a-- - Slow down.
106
00:04:47,327 --> 00:04:48,729
If you weren't in such a hurry you probably
107
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:49,897
wouldn't have lost that thing.
108
00:04:49,997 --> 00:04:51,298
Well, it wasn't a thing exactly.
109
00:04:51,398 --> 00:04:53,567
You'll just have to wait until I open up.
110
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:57,771
Now, where's that key?
111
00:04:57,871 --> 00:05:01,742
Oh, you know, I actually lost it once.
112
00:05:01,842 --> 00:05:02,976
There we are.
113
00:05:05,412 --> 00:05:06,313
Ah!
114
00:05:10,684 --> 00:05:11,518
30 years.
115
00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:13,787
I do this every morning.
116
00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:15,189
Now, you say you lost?
117
00:05:15,289 --> 00:05:17,591
Yes, I lost, I lost a manilla envelope.
118
00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:18,825
It had a television script in it.
119
00:05:18,926 --> 00:05:20,194
What are you, an actor or something?
120
00:05:20,294 --> 00:05:21,562
No, I'm a television writer.
121
00:05:21,662 --> 00:05:23,497
Oh, that's even better.
122
00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,831
She must be an actor.
123
00:05:24,932 --> 00:05:25,766
No, that's my wife.
124
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:28,235
Oh, you're better off.
125
00:05:28,335 --> 00:05:29,937
So you're married to a writer, huh?
126
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:33,140
Yes, and my husband lost a very important manuscript.
127
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,108
It was for this week's "Alan Brady Show."
128
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,010
He writes for a big show like that?
129
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:38,712
I'm very pleased to meet you.
130
00:05:38,812 --> 00:05:40,214
Keene, Keene is the name.
131
00:05:40,314 --> 00:05:40,914
Harry Keene.
132
00:05:41,014 --> 00:05:41,882
Oh, nice to meet you.
133
00:05:41,982 --> 00:05:43,183
My name is Rob Petrie
134
00:05:43,283 --> 00:05:45,085
Oh, I've seen that name on TV many times.
135
00:05:45,185 --> 00:05:46,653
Yeah, could you look for the script?
136
00:05:46,753 --> 00:05:49,957
Well, I'll tell you what, you just, uh, fill out this form
137
00:05:50,057 --> 00:05:51,425
and describe what you lost.
138
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,026
Well, it was just a plain manilla envelope.
139
00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:54,228
Anything written on it?
140
00:05:54,328 --> 00:05:56,496
Well, there was a picture of a P38
141
00:05:56,597 --> 00:05:57,998
shooting down a Messerschmidt.
142
00:05:58,098 --> 00:06:01,101
Well, I was doodling, honey.
143
00:06:01,201 --> 00:06:03,937
You, you, you put that on the form and put it all down
144
00:06:04,037 --> 00:06:05,472
and we'll take a look.
145
00:06:05,572 --> 00:06:08,542
Don't you think that my job would make a good TV series?
146
00:06:08,642 --> 00:06:09,643
Well, I don't know.
147
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:10,611
I even got a name.
148
00:06:10,711 --> 00:06:11,745
I even got a title for it.
149
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:12,646
Oh?
150
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:13,680
Yes.
151
00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:17,451
"Harry Keene: Lost and Found."
152
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:18,385
Here you are.
153
00:06:18,485 --> 00:06:19,653
Oh yes, let's see.
154
00:06:19,753 --> 00:06:22,990
Now we'll just take a look and see what came in here.
155
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:24,591
Just a minute, please.
156
00:06:24,691 --> 00:06:26,159
Here we are.
157
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,695
These are some of the things the porters found last night.
158
00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:30,063
Each one is a story.
159
00:06:33,233 --> 00:06:37,037
Oh boy, if this rye bread could only talk.
160
00:06:42,476 --> 00:06:45,078
Well, there's, there's no television script in there.
161
00:06:45,178 --> 00:06:46,446
You think it might turn up later?
162
00:06:46,546 --> 00:06:47,648
Maybe.
163
00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:49,716
You never can tell what'll happen in this place.
164
00:06:49,816 --> 00:06:52,185
It's the pulse of the city.
165
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,153
Yeah.
166
00:06:53,253 --> 00:06:54,721
Well, thank you very much.
167
00:06:54,821 --> 00:06:55,989
- [inaudible] - Come on, honey.
168
00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:57,124
Where are we going now?
169
00:06:57,224 --> 00:06:58,392
I've got to go back to the office
170
00:06:58,492 --> 00:06:59,726
and tell Buddy and Sally I lost the script
171
00:06:59,826 --> 00:07:01,295
and I want you with me. - Me?
172
00:07:01,395 --> 00:07:02,429
Why?
173
00:07:02,529 --> 00:07:03,730
Cause they won't hit me in front of my wife.
174
00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:08,068
Boy, after all that work.
175
00:07:08,168 --> 00:07:11,071
If your wife wasn't here I'd belt you.
176
00:07:11,171 --> 00:07:12,406
You really didn't, right?
177
00:07:12,506 --> 00:07:13,907
I wish you'd quit saying that. I did it.
178
00:07:14,007 --> 00:07:14,841
I did it.
179
00:07:14,941 --> 00:07:16,109
I did it.
180
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:18,278
Well, why don't you quick find an alibi.
181
00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,180
Rob didn't do it on purpose.
182
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,682
Neither did Mrs. O'Leary's cow,
183
00:07:21,782 --> 00:07:25,852
but go explain that to the Chicago Fire Department.
184
00:07:25,953 --> 00:07:27,621
All I know is I had nothing to do with it.
185
00:07:27,721 --> 00:07:29,790
Worked like a dog till three this morning,
186
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:32,159
put in great jokes, from then on I
187
00:07:32,259 --> 00:07:35,729
free myself of all responsibility.
188
00:07:35,829 --> 00:07:39,132
Boy, I'm telling you, Buddy, that's what I like about you.
189
00:07:39,232 --> 00:07:42,969
Through thick and thin you're never there.
190
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:45,972
You know you're all really acting silly?
191
00:07:46,073 --> 00:07:47,674
Why don't you just rewrite it?
192
00:07:47,774 --> 00:07:49,376
It's not that much work is it?
193
00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,144
You know, I once wrote a composition
194
00:07:51,244 --> 00:07:52,212
that was six pages long.
195
00:07:52,312 --> 00:07:53,347
So you know what I did?
196
00:07:53,447 --> 00:07:54,314
I lost it.
197
00:07:54,414 --> 00:07:56,683
So I sat myself down in a quiet room
198
00:07:56,783 --> 00:07:58,618
with no disturbances and I--
199
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,987
Say, honey, why don't you go ahead and do your shopping.
200
00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:03,857
There's no use hanging around here.
201
00:08:03,957 --> 00:08:05,225
Yeah, we'll figure something out.
202
00:08:05,325 --> 00:08:06,994
We gotta talk about it, you know.
203
00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:08,562
Well OK, but--
204
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:11,832
say, why don't you do this week's show about losing
205
00:08:11,932 --> 00:08:13,166
an Alan Brady show?
206
00:08:13,266 --> 00:08:14,701
A script like you did, and Alan would sort of
207
00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:19,506
have to ad-lib it, you know, just the way it happened,
208
00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:21,408
you know.
209
00:08:21,508 --> 00:08:23,276
Or, I've got it.
210
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,679
Why don't you take the best of Alan Brady, you know,
211
00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:27,581
where you take all the film clips of the past shows
212
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,716
and put it-- like you did that time when Alan got sick,
213
00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:30,984
remember?
214
00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:33,687
You took the best parts of all the shows,
215
00:08:33,787 --> 00:08:36,490
and nobody liked it did they?
216
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,859
Well, I've gotta get on with my shopping.
217
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:42,896
Um, shall I pick you up some socks and underwear, darling?
218
00:08:42,996 --> 00:08:46,066
Well, you only have two pair.
219
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,101
Honey, we're just a little edgy after last night,
220
00:08:48,201 --> 00:08:49,236
you know.
221
00:08:49,336 --> 00:08:50,370
Listen Rob, you asked me to come.
222
00:08:50,470 --> 00:08:52,773
I know.
223
00:08:52,873 --> 00:08:54,374
I'll, I'll call you.
224
00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,212
Well, she's concerned.
225
00:09:02,649 --> 00:09:04,217
I think we better try and rewrite it.
226
00:09:04,317 --> 00:09:06,119
Why don't you just run out and buy some underwear?
227
00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:07,788
No, I'm serious, you guys.
228
00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:11,091
Look, the script is fairly fresh in our minds.
229
00:09:11,191 --> 00:09:12,626
Now we can-- Alan played Sherlock Holmes.
230
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:15,095
Uh, uh, what's his name played Watson.
231
00:09:15,195 --> 00:09:16,630
Oh boy, is it fresh in our minds.
232
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,399
You can't even remember the name of the guest.
233
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:22,135
We have got to hand Alan something today.
234
00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:24,471
Why don't we hand him our resignation?
235
00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:26,273
All I remember is the jokes I wrote.
236
00:09:26,373 --> 00:09:28,875
Yeah, well I only remember it was 32 pages long
237
00:09:28,975 --> 00:09:30,911
and a lot of hard work.
238
00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:31,878
Look, I think we can do it.
239
00:09:31,978 --> 00:09:33,113
Let's try.
240
00:09:33,213 --> 00:09:34,414
Rob, you lost the script on the train.
241
00:09:34,514 --> 00:09:36,183
I lost it the minute I left here last night.
242
00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:37,717
BUDDY: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
243
00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:39,119
We had-- [phone rings]
244
00:09:39,219 --> 00:09:40,854
Hey, maybe that's the guy from the Lost and Found.
245
00:09:40,954 --> 00:09:42,089
Hello. BUM (ON PHONE): Hello.
246
00:09:42,189 --> 00:09:43,557
Is this the "Alan Brady Show?"
247
00:09:43,657 --> 00:09:44,925
Well, yes it is.
248
00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,194
BUM (ON PHONE): Uh, is this the fella that writes the show?
249
00:09:47,294 --> 00:09:48,595
Well, uh, this is Rob Petrie, yes.
250
00:09:48,695 --> 00:09:49,329
Who's this?
251
00:09:49,429 --> 00:09:50,997
Oh, you don't know me.
252
00:09:51,098 --> 00:09:53,433
I'm a bum.
253
00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:54,234
It's a bum.
254
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:55,435
Oh, that's nice.
255
00:09:55,535 --> 00:09:57,771
I told my Uncle Phil not to call here.
256
00:09:57,871 --> 00:09:59,239
What do you want?
257
00:09:59,339 --> 00:10:02,275
Yeah well, I found some papers I think belong to you.
258
00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:03,477
The bum found the script.
259
00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:04,444
Wow!
260
00:10:04,544 --> 00:10:05,612
I found it in Grand Central Station.
261
00:10:05,712 --> 00:10:06,947
I used it last night as a pillow.
262
00:10:07,047 --> 00:10:08,348
That's it! That's it!
263
00:10:08,448 --> 00:10:09,616
You know, you got a good show.
264
00:10:09,716 --> 00:10:10,484
Well, thanks a lot.
265
00:10:10,584 --> 00:10:11,485
I always watch it in the window
266
00:10:11,585 --> 00:10:13,053
of a TV store on 8th Avenue.
267
00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:15,689
Look, can you jump in a cab and get over here right away?
268
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:16,857
We need that desperately.
269
00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:17,958
Yeah.
270
00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:19,126
I need the bus fare.
271
00:10:19,226 --> 00:10:20,527
We'll, we'll pay for it.
272
00:10:20,627 --> 00:10:22,128
Hey, as a matter of fact, we'll we'll
273
00:10:22,229 --> 00:10:24,131
be happy to give you a reward.
274
00:10:24,231 --> 00:10:25,432
A reward?
275
00:10:25,532 --> 00:10:27,367
Uh, do you think you could give me 25 bucks?
276
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:29,069
ROB (ON PHONE): You got it.
277
00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:30,103
25 bucks?
278
00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:31,371
That's right.
279
00:10:31,471 --> 00:10:33,507
Look, that show's worth a fortune to us.
280
00:10:33,607 --> 00:10:35,008
Yeah? ROB (ON PHONE): Oh, yeah.
281
00:10:35,108 --> 00:10:36,209
We've been going out of our minds
282
00:10:36,309 --> 00:10:37,711
without that, that script.
283
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:40,146
A whole network TV show [inaudible]..
284
00:10:40,247 --> 00:10:41,147
We can't do without it.
285
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:42,682
We can't even duplicate it.
286
00:10:42,782 --> 00:10:44,017
- No kidding? - Yeah.
287
00:10:44,117 --> 00:10:45,318
Can, will you please get over here
288
00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:46,786
right away to bring it to us?
289
00:10:46,887 --> 00:10:50,590
Yeah, only, only one thing; forget the 25 bucks.
290
00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:51,491
Oh, no.
291
00:10:51,591 --> 00:10:53,160
Oh, yeah.
292
00:10:53,260 --> 00:10:54,828
I want 2500 bucks.
293
00:10:54,928 --> 00:10:58,265
[inaudible] Uh.
294
00:10:58,365 --> 00:10:59,733
He wants $2,500 for it.
295
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:00,534
2,500!
296
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:01,768
Well, he can't be serious.
297
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,036
Well, he sounds serious.
298
00:11:03,136 --> 00:11:06,172
Uh look, uh, Bum, whatever your name is.
299
00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:08,208
Hey, I'm not telling you my name.
300
00:11:08,308 --> 00:11:09,809
Well, I'm not asking for your name.
301
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,711
Look, we made a deal for $25.
302
00:11:11,811 --> 00:11:14,214
That's before I knew how much this thing is worth.
303
00:11:14,314 --> 00:11:16,249
Now it's $2,500.
304
00:11:16,349 --> 00:11:18,585
Well, that's not a reward.
305
00:11:18,685 --> 00:11:19,953
That's ransom.
306
00:11:20,053 --> 00:11:21,288
I didn't steal it.
307
00:11:21,388 --> 00:11:22,522
I found it.
308
00:11:22,622 --> 00:11:24,691
Look that script's worthless to you.
309
00:11:24,791 --> 00:11:26,092
Oh, I don't know.
310
00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:27,327
Maybe I'll get some of my friends
311
00:11:27,427 --> 00:11:30,230
and do a show in the park.
312
00:11:30,330 --> 00:11:31,731
That's not funny.
313
00:11:31,831 --> 00:11:33,166
I'm dead serious, pal.
314
00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:35,502
$2,500, take it or leave it.
315
00:11:35,602 --> 00:11:36,803
All right, I'll leave it.
316
00:11:36,903 --> 00:11:40,040
BUM (ON PHONE): Yeah, well listen to this.
317
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,174
What was that?
318
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:42,175
BUM (ON PHONE): That was page one
319
00:11:42,275 --> 00:11:43,343
of your script being ripped.
320
00:11:43,443 --> 00:11:44,844
- Why you-- - Think it over.
321
00:11:44,945 --> 00:11:46,313
I'll call you back.
322
00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:50,717
Remember it's $2,500, or you'll never your script again.
323
00:11:50,817 --> 00:11:52,619
Well?
324
00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:54,921
Our script is being held for ransom.
325
00:11:57,924 --> 00:11:59,326
Look, I got it figured out.
326
00:11:59,426 --> 00:12:05,165
3 into 2500 goes $833.33, and you pay the extra penny.
327
00:12:05,265 --> 00:12:06,299
Come on, you know we're not going
328
00:12:06,399 --> 00:12:07,801
to pay that kind of money.
329
00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:09,636
We could have got him for $25 if it hadn't
330
00:12:09,736 --> 00:12:12,105
been for Mr. Enthusiasm here.
331
00:12:12,205 --> 00:12:15,141
That script is worth a fortune to us.
332
00:12:15,242 --> 00:12:18,345
Boy, if I ever get kidnapped I hope they don't call you.
333
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:24,284
Me and my big mouth.
334
00:12:24,384 --> 00:12:26,553
I'm stupid, stupid, stupid.
335
00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:28,788
Well, if you want somebody to disagree with you go
336
00:12:28,888 --> 00:12:31,424
look for a stranger.
337
00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:34,294
I still think that bum was bluffing about that offer.
338
00:12:34,394 --> 00:12:35,729
I'm sure he was.
339
00:12:35,829 --> 00:12:38,198
Thing is we'll never get him back down to $25 again.
340
00:12:38,298 --> 00:12:39,799
How much do you think he'd want?
341
00:12:39,899 --> 00:12:41,167
I don't know.
342
00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:42,836
He sounded desperate to me.
343
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,372
You know I was thinking, when he calls back what if we just
344
00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:46,873
offer him what we got on us?
345
00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:48,642
Make him a quick deal and maybe he'll take that, huh.
346
00:12:48,742 --> 00:12:49,709
ROB: Yeah.
347
00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:50,977
Nah, I don't think that's a good idea.
348
00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:51,911
Why not?
349
00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:53,480
We gotta do something.
350
00:12:53,580 --> 00:12:55,949
Besides, Mel will be back in here for the script any minute.
351
00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:57,117
Why don't we pool our resources?
352
00:12:57,217 --> 00:12:58,084
Wait a minute.
353
00:12:58,184 --> 00:13:00,620
I got, uh, I got 15 bucks.
354
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,022
Darn it, all I've got's a five.
355
00:13:02,122 --> 00:13:03,456
I gave Laura her allowance.
356
00:13:03,556 --> 00:13:04,724
Well, that's 20.
357
00:13:04,824 --> 00:13:06,126
That's not a pool, it's a puddle.
358
00:13:06,226 --> 00:13:07,861
Yeah.
359
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,396
How about you, Buddy?
360
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:11,498
I think this whole thing is kind of silly.
361
00:13:11,598 --> 00:13:12,699
He must be loaded.
362
00:13:12,799 --> 00:13:13,433
Grab him.
363
00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,602
All right, all right.
364
00:13:15,702 --> 00:13:16,970
All right.
365
00:13:17,070 --> 00:13:20,006
I got $77, but I was saving it for, for another occasion.
366
00:13:20,106 --> 00:13:21,675
Yeah, what other occasion?
367
00:13:21,775 --> 00:13:23,677
Arbor Day.
368
00:13:23,777 --> 00:13:24,878
Arbor Day?
369
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:28,615
Yeah, every Arbor Day I buy a new set of woods.
370
00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:31,685
Look Buddy, you can get a new set of golf clubs tomorrow.
371
00:13:31,785 --> 00:13:33,720
I'll pay you back when I go to the bank.
372
00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:36,656
Well, there goes another Arbor Day.
373
00:13:36,756 --> 00:13:38,058
Standing there with your hand out like
374
00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:40,427
that you look like my wife.
375
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:42,696
All right, that gives us $97.
376
00:13:42,796 --> 00:13:44,097
Yeah well, you think that's enough?
377
00:13:44,197 --> 00:13:45,432
Well I'd rather it was 100.
378
00:13:45,532 --> 00:13:46,433
A hundred sounds like more.
379
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,301
Well, it's 97 or nothing.
380
00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:51,371
Hey, speaking of nothing, look who's here.
381
00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:52,706
Hi, Mel.
382
00:13:52,806 --> 00:13:54,407
Uh, Rob, Alan asked me to pick up the script.
383
00:13:54,507 --> 00:13:57,777
What'd he say, fetch or go get it, boy?
384
00:13:57,877 --> 00:14:00,647
Mel, we got a few more, uh, jokes to go.
385
00:14:00,747 --> 00:14:02,215
We'll have it in a little while.
386
00:14:02,315 --> 00:14:05,018
Oh, shall I tell Alan you'll have it ready by 4 o'clock?
387
00:14:05,118 --> 00:14:06,586
Well, I don't know, Mel.
388
00:14:06,686 --> 00:14:07,821
Oh.
389
00:14:07,921 --> 00:14:08,888
What's that?
390
00:14:08,988 --> 00:14:10,957
Uh, that's money.
391
00:14:11,057 --> 00:14:14,728
A, uh, contribution Mel, for, it's for a needy person.
392
00:14:14,828 --> 00:14:17,030
Would you like to toss in something?
393
00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:18,465
Why certainly.
394
00:14:18,565 --> 00:14:19,833
Be glad to, uh, give a dollar.
395
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:22,435
I am always willing to give a helping hand.
396
00:14:22,535 --> 00:14:23,636
Some helping hand.
397
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,872
That ain't even a nickel a knuckle.
398
00:14:25,972 --> 00:14:28,541
Hey Mel, you know, $2 more would
399
00:14:28,641 --> 00:14:30,543
make it a nice round figure.
400
00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:33,480
All right, $2 it is.
401
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,382
What'll I tell Alan about the script?
402
00:14:35,482 --> 00:14:37,150
Well, uh, tell him we'll have it pretty soon.
403
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,284
All right.
404
00:14:38,384 --> 00:14:39,619
He won't be very happy about this.
405
00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:42,455
Hey, you wanna make him happy, shoot yourself.
406
00:14:42,555 --> 00:14:43,957
You know the trouble with him?
407
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:49,062
One day he's here and the next day he's here.
408
00:14:49,162 --> 00:14:51,064
I owe you one.
409
00:14:51,164 --> 00:14:51,998
OK.
410
00:14:52,098 --> 00:14:53,099
Now we got 100 bucks.
411
00:14:53,199 --> 00:14:54,501
Look, I'll pay you guys back.
412
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:57,203
Oh no, I think we should all share in the ransom.
413
00:14:57,303 --> 00:14:58,238
What's keeping that bum?
414
00:14:58,338 --> 00:14:59,339
He should've called back by now.
415
00:14:59,439 --> 00:15:01,074
[phone rings]
416
00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:02,041
Yeah.
417
00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:03,042
Dinner tonight?
418
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:04,444
Well, I don't care.
419
00:15:04,544 --> 00:15:06,946
Doesn't make a-- roast, steak, chicken, anything.
420
00:15:07,046 --> 00:15:08,081
Doesn't matter.
421
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:09,215
Fine.
422
00:15:09,315 --> 00:15:10,717
I don't want to tie this line up.
423
00:15:10,817 --> 00:15:13,353
Hey, I'm expecting a call from my wife too.
424
00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:14,354
That was your wife.
425
00:15:14,454 --> 00:15:15,522
Your having chicken tonight.
426
00:15:20,326 --> 00:15:22,629
[music playing]
427
00:15:23,229 --> 00:15:24,697
Staring at it won't make it ring.
428
00:15:24,797 --> 00:15:26,799
[phone rings]
429
00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:28,534
All right, I'm wrong.
430
00:15:28,634 --> 00:15:29,468
Hello.
431
00:15:29,568 --> 00:15:30,236
BUM (ON PHONE): Hello.
432
00:15:30,336 --> 00:15:31,704
Well, what is it gonna be?
433
00:15:31,804 --> 00:15:32,638
It's him.
434
00:15:32,738 --> 00:15:34,140
Where have you been?
435
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,008
Hey, it took me a little while to panhandle the dime.
436
00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:37,276
Look, I've talked to my other writers.
437
00:15:37,376 --> 00:15:39,779
We've decided we will give you $100.
438
00:15:39,879 --> 00:15:41,047
How about 1,500?
439
00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:42,915
$100, not a penny more.
440
00:15:43,015 --> 00:15:43,983
I hate to haggle.
441
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,252
I'll never be a businessman.
442
00:15:46,352 --> 00:15:47,320
Good.
443
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:48,888
Now will you please bring it over here.
444
00:15:48,988 --> 00:15:50,389
I'm not gonna bring it anyplace.
445
00:15:50,489 --> 00:15:52,959
You take a 100 bucks and put it in a plain paper bag
446
00:15:53,059 --> 00:15:54,960
and bring it to 14th Street Park.
447
00:15:55,061 --> 00:15:56,696
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
448
00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:58,531
Hey, I saw it in the movies once.
449
00:15:58,631 --> 00:16:00,266
It'll work perfect.
450
00:16:00,366 --> 00:16:03,836
Now, take the bag of dough and drop it in the garbage can.
451
00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:05,271
In a garbage can?
452
00:16:05,371 --> 00:16:07,873
Yeah, the one near the Louis Wexler water fountain.
453
00:16:07,973 --> 00:16:08,874
The what?
454
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,276
The water fountain.
455
00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:12,011
It was dedicated by Louis Wexler.
456
00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:13,446
You'll see it.
457
00:16:13,546 --> 00:16:15,181
Take the bag of dough, drop it in the garbage can,
458
00:16:15,281 --> 00:16:17,483
I'll pick it up, and drop you the script.
459
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:18,884
You are ridiculous.
460
00:16:18,984 --> 00:16:21,620
Just be careful, and come alone.
461
00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:22,655
Goodbye.
462
00:16:28,227 --> 00:16:29,261
What are you doing?
463
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:31,030
Getting a paper sack.
464
00:16:31,130 --> 00:16:32,631
I'll see you guys later.
465
00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:33,699
Where are you going?
466
00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:37,503
I'm going to make the drop.
467
00:16:37,603 --> 00:16:39,138
Come on, Warren.
468
00:16:39,238 --> 00:16:40,206
Let's sit down, dear.
469
00:16:40,306 --> 00:16:42,041
My feet are killing me.
470
00:16:42,141 --> 00:16:43,109
I wanna drink.
471
00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:45,211
Oh, drink.
472
00:16:45,311 --> 00:16:48,581
Uh, excuse me, is that the Louis Wexler water fountain?
473
00:16:48,681 --> 00:16:53,419
I don't know, but anybody could drink from it.
474
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:54,220
Oh, yeah.
475
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,322
There's, there's the plaque.
476
00:16:56,422 --> 00:16:57,523
Really?
477
00:16:57,623 --> 00:17:01,060
Yeah, I never noticed.
478
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,628
Uh, excuse me, do you happen to have the time?
479
00:17:02,728 --> 00:17:04,430
I don't know if my watch is correct here.
480
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:08,934
No, I'm sorry, I don't have a watch, but my son Warren does.
481
00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:10,970
Tell the man what time it is, Warren angel.
482
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:12,171
No.
483
00:17:14,707 --> 00:17:16,275
Warren you're gonna drive me crazy?
484
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:17,476
He's gonna drive me crazy.
485
00:17:17,576 --> 00:17:19,912
Come on, I'll push you on the swing.
486
00:17:20,012 --> 00:17:22,181
Warren, please don't eat my heart out.
487
00:17:22,281 --> 00:17:23,983
You'll drive me to an early grave.
488
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,751
You're just like your father.
489
00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:37,430
Hey, hey, hey fella, you got a little something
490
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:38,197
for a needy bum?
491
00:17:38,297 --> 00:17:39,598
I sure have.
492
00:17:39,698 --> 00:17:41,400
You want me to put the money in the garbage can?
493
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:45,438
Oh, you'd really like to take away my last shred of dignity
494
00:17:45,538 --> 00:17:46,505
wouldn't you?
495
00:17:46,605 --> 00:17:48,374
You, you said!
496
00:17:48,474 --> 00:17:50,209
I'll have you know [inaudible] Decker
497
00:17:50,309 --> 00:17:51,977
doesn't crawl for anybody.
498
00:17:52,078 --> 00:17:53,612
[grumbling]
499
00:17:53,712 --> 00:17:55,815
Well, I'm sorry.
500
00:17:55,915 --> 00:17:57,483
I though you were--
501
00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,888
[inaudible] Decker.
502
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,201
Hey, wait minute.
503
00:19:22,301 --> 00:19:23,102
Come on, where is it?
504
00:19:23,202 --> 00:19:24,036
What?
505
00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:25,538
Don't try to bluff.
506
00:19:25,638 --> 00:19:27,039
If you want more money from me, you're not getting it.
507
00:19:27,139 --> 00:19:28,140
Oh, I don't want any more money.
508
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,775
I'm, I'm satisfied with this.
509
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,544
You give it to me or I'll call the police.
510
00:19:31,644 --> 00:19:34,413
Hey look, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll split with you.
511
00:19:34,513 --> 00:19:35,414
I don't want to split it.
512
00:19:35,514 --> 00:19:36,448
I want that script, mister!
513
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:37,683
Oh, what's a script?
514
00:19:37,783 --> 00:19:39,084
You know darn well what a script is.
515
00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:39,985
That's my money!
516
00:19:40,085 --> 00:19:40,920
Give me that.
517
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:41,954
That's my money!
518
00:19:42,054 --> 00:19:43,556
Hey, officer, officer!
519
00:19:43,656 --> 00:19:44,323
Arrest that man.
520
00:19:44,423 --> 00:19:46,659
He tried to rob me.
521
00:19:46,759 --> 00:19:47,593
I did not.
522
00:19:47,693 --> 00:19:48,627
We had a deal.
523
00:19:48,727 --> 00:19:49,995
I don't know what he's talking about.
524
00:19:50,095 --> 00:19:51,030
That's not true.
525
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:52,298
You called me this afternoon.
526
00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:54,900
I haven't made a phone call since 1947.
527
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,468
Officer he did!
528
00:19:56,569 --> 00:19:58,704
Look, why don't we just all go downtown and talk it over.
529
00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:00,039
Come on. - Well, wait, wait a minute.
530
00:20:00,139 --> 00:20:01,307
My bum's coming. He's expecting me.
531
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:02,575
Don't worry about it.
532
00:20:02,675 --> 00:20:03,509
Don't worry.
533
00:20:03,609 --> 00:20:05,077
We'll get you a bum all your own.
534
00:20:05,177 --> 00:20:06,946
[shouting]
535
00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:11,350
And, you guys called the police, they released me,
536
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:13,452
I went straight back and checked the garbage can.
537
00:20:13,552 --> 00:20:14,753
Well, did you find anything?
538
00:20:14,853 --> 00:20:15,821
No, nothing.
539
00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:17,990
The sanitation department emptied it out.
540
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:21,060
I should have gotten back there faster to check the can but I--
541
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,429
did you ever try to explain to the cops about a brown paper
542
00:20:23,529 --> 00:20:24,396
bag with money in it?
543
00:20:24,496 --> 00:20:25,531
It takes a lot of talking.
544
00:20:25,631 --> 00:20:26,565
It's gonna take a lot more to try
545
00:20:26,665 --> 00:20:28,634
and explain to Alan, no script.
546
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:30,102
Rob, you really blew it again.
547
00:20:30,202 --> 00:20:31,203
Oh come on, Buddy.
548
00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:32,805
No, he's right, Sal.
549
00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:34,406
It was my fault. When Mel comes in here I wanna take the blame.
550
00:20:34,506 --> 00:20:35,374
No, no, come on. Come on.
551
00:20:35,474 --> 00:20:36,508
We'll all take the blame.
552
00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:38,577
We'll each take 50% of the blame.
553
00:20:38,677 --> 00:20:40,212
That's three halves, there.
554
00:20:40,312 --> 00:20:43,015
So forget my half.
555
00:20:43,115 --> 00:20:44,750
[phone rings]
556
00:20:44,850 --> 00:20:46,151
Yeah, Marge?
557
00:20:46,252 --> 00:20:47,519
MARGE (ON PHONE): Mr. Petrie, there's a bum here to see you.
558
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,254
A bum!
559
00:20:48,354 --> 00:20:49,555
What does he look like?
560
00:20:49,655 --> 00:20:50,823
Never mind, I don't know what he looks like.
561
00:20:50,923 --> 00:20:53,125
Uh, send him in.
562
00:20:53,225 --> 00:20:54,727
Do you think it's him?
563
00:20:54,827 --> 00:20:56,195
Well, it could be one of the other bums wanting a handout.
564
00:20:56,295 --> 00:20:57,997
Look, don't rule out my Uncle Phil.
565
00:20:58,097 --> 00:20:58,931
Hi, everybody.
566
00:20:59,031 --> 00:20:59,865
Oh!
567
00:20:59,965 --> 00:21:00,833
My airplanes!
568
00:21:00,933 --> 00:21:02,201
Hey, our script!
569
00:21:02,301 --> 00:21:04,003
Why weren't you at that park?
570
00:21:04,103 --> 00:21:05,571
I was.
571
00:21:05,671 --> 00:21:07,106
I saw you get hauled off and spill everything to that cop.
572
00:21:07,206 --> 00:21:08,107
You were there?
573
00:21:08,207 --> 00:21:09,074
Sure.
574
00:21:09,174 --> 00:21:10,509
I was a few minutes late.
575
00:21:10,609 --> 00:21:12,578
Hey, guys like us don't have any watches, you know.
576
00:21:12,678 --> 00:21:14,947
Look, if you want that money--
577
00:21:15,047 --> 00:21:16,081
Forget the money.
578
00:21:16,181 --> 00:21:17,483
Forget the money?
579
00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:19,785
Yeah, after the cops know everything about it.
580
00:21:19,885 --> 00:21:22,955
Listen, if you don't take any money there's no crime, right?
581
00:21:23,055 --> 00:21:24,056
Uh, well, I don't know.
582
00:21:24,156 --> 00:21:25,591
I guess so.
583
00:21:25,691 --> 00:21:27,126
Well then, why did you bother to bring that back at all?
584
00:21:27,226 --> 00:21:29,161
I figured if I throw the script away, I'd have nothing
585
00:21:29,261 --> 00:21:30,696
and you'd have nothing.
586
00:21:30,796 --> 00:21:32,498
Now if I could send it to you, then you'd have something
587
00:21:32,598 --> 00:21:34,099
and I'd have nothing.
588
00:21:34,199 --> 00:21:36,602
But if I brought it up to you and you gave me the $25 reward,
589
00:21:36,702 --> 00:21:37,836
we'd both have something.
590
00:21:37,936 --> 00:21:40,906
He even thinks like my Uncle Phil.
591
00:21:41,006 --> 00:21:41,974
What do you say, fella?
592
00:21:42,074 --> 00:21:43,242
Well, I don't know.
593
00:21:43,342 --> 00:21:44,843
The guy tried to hold us up for ransom.
594
00:21:44,943 --> 00:21:45,778
Don't look at me.
595
00:21:45,878 --> 00:21:46,979
He's your friend.
596
00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:49,381
You know, I didn't really do nothing, you know.
597
00:21:49,481 --> 00:21:50,382
I didn't steal it.
598
00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:51,750
I found it.
599
00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:54,853
And I been down on my luck since the last crash.
600
00:21:54,953 --> 00:21:56,288
Since 1929?
601
00:21:56,388 --> 00:21:57,523
Was there another one?
602
00:22:01,460 --> 00:22:03,262
Well, I guess everything worked out all right,
603
00:22:03,362 --> 00:22:06,031
so here's your $25.
604
00:22:06,131 --> 00:22:08,100
Gee, $25.
605
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,401
Gee, thanks a lot.
606
00:22:09,501 --> 00:22:12,404
And listen, don't say nothing to nobody, huh?
607
00:22:12,504 --> 00:22:13,906
You know, I don't want to go to jail.
608
00:22:14,006 --> 00:22:16,575
You know, when you're out of the park more than 30 days
609
00:22:16,675 --> 00:22:17,810
you lose your bench.
610
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:22,614
Here take this.
611
00:22:22,715 --> 00:22:25,284
Gee, 20 extra bucks, thanks.
612
00:22:25,384 --> 00:22:27,720
Well look, I don't approve of what you did
613
00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:29,855
or what you tried to do, but well,
614
00:22:29,955 --> 00:22:32,424
maybe with $45 you can buy yourself a new suit.
615
00:22:32,524 --> 00:22:34,226
You know, money isn't everything.
616
00:22:34,326 --> 00:22:35,561
You know, I'll say one thing, I have
617
00:22:35,661 --> 00:22:37,696
enough money saved for the rest of my life,
618
00:22:37,796 --> 00:22:40,933
unless I have to buy something.
619
00:22:41,033 --> 00:22:41,834
Rob.
620
00:22:41,934 --> 00:22:42,901
Hi, Mel.
621
00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:44,737
Oh, excuse me, I, I came for the script.
622
00:22:44,837 --> 00:22:47,239
Oh, here it is, and I hope Alan
623
00:22:47,339 --> 00:22:49,875
appreciates it after all we went through to get it, write it.
624
00:22:49,975 --> 00:22:51,210
Well listen, I'll see you again.
625
00:22:51,310 --> 00:22:52,478
I gotta be going.
626
00:22:52,578 --> 00:22:54,012
Sal, take care of yourself and watch out
627
00:22:54,113 --> 00:22:55,314
whatever you do, and you too.
628
00:22:55,414 --> 00:22:57,783
Take care.
629
00:22:57,883 --> 00:22:59,351
Who was that?
630
00:22:59,451 --> 00:23:01,453
Mel, that's you in two years.
631
00:23:07,159 --> 00:23:08,660
[music playing]
632
00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:10,362
OK.
633
00:23:10,462 --> 00:23:12,163
Now the dance hall girl goes up to Alan and says,
634
00:23:12,264 --> 00:23:13,732
why did you become the sheriff?
635
00:23:13,832 --> 00:23:17,269
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Alan says I used to be a cowpuncher
636
00:23:17,369 --> 00:23:19,704
but one of the cows started punching back.
637
00:23:19,804 --> 00:23:21,239
It's good, huh?
638
00:23:21,339 --> 00:23:22,841
- No, that's terrible. - He's right.
639
00:23:22,941 --> 00:23:24,142
It stinks. Forget it.
640
00:23:24,242 --> 00:23:25,543
Oh, I wish you guys would make up your mind.
641
00:23:25,644 --> 00:23:27,612
You know, it's not easy to erase 11 carbon copies.
642
00:23:27,712 --> 00:23:29,147
11!
643
00:23:29,247 --> 00:23:32,083
Yeah, I'm not taking any chances on losing another one.
644
00:23:32,183 --> 00:23:33,918
Come on you guys, we can get the joke.
645
00:23:34,019 --> 00:23:34,853
Hey, how about the one--
646
00:23:34,953 --> 00:23:35,954
Hi, everybody.
647
00:23:36,054 --> 00:23:38,123
Hey, look at this.
648
00:23:38,223 --> 00:23:39,090
Yeah, look at that.
649
00:23:39,190 --> 00:23:40,825
The playboy of the month.
650
00:23:40,926 --> 00:23:42,427
Well, hi. Good to see you.
651
00:23:42,527 --> 00:23:43,461
You look, look swell.
652
00:23:43,561 --> 00:23:44,396
How you, how you been?
653
00:23:44,496 --> 00:23:45,864
Thanks to you I didn't get drunk.
654
00:23:45,964 --> 00:23:47,132
You know, with the money I went out
655
00:23:47,232 --> 00:23:49,167
and I bought a brand new secondhand suit
656
00:23:49,267 --> 00:23:50,568
and went in business myself.
657
00:23:50,669 --> 00:23:51,469
What kind of business?
658
00:23:51,569 --> 00:23:52,437
Stealing scripts.
659
00:23:52,537 --> 00:23:55,707
Here's one from the "Jackie K Show."
660
00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:57,042
Where did you get that?
661
00:23:57,142 --> 00:23:58,610
Hey, with a new suit you can get in anywhere.
662
00:23:58,710 --> 00:24:01,079
Hey, maybe you could use it and give me a couple of bucks.
663
00:24:01,179 --> 00:24:02,314
Look, I'm gonna go to that phone
664
00:24:02,414 --> 00:24:03,615
and I'm gonna call the "Jackie K Show",
665
00:24:03,715 --> 00:24:04,949
and if you don't get out of here right now
666
00:24:05,050 --> 00:24:06,584
I'm gonna call the cops. - OK.
667
00:24:06,685 --> 00:24:08,019
OK.
668
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:09,554
Boy, that's the trouble with the people in the world.
669
00:24:09,654 --> 00:24:11,690
You try to help them out and all you get is aggravation,
670
00:24:11,790 --> 00:24:13,058
aggravation, and aggravation!
671
00:24:13,158 --> 00:24:14,559
You try to be a nice guy.
672
00:24:14,659 --> 00:24:17,595
Go out, study, do things, work your knuckles, and try.
673
00:24:17,696 --> 00:24:19,230
What are you going to go with a guy like this?
674
00:24:19,331 --> 00:24:21,066
Every time [inaudible].
675
00:24:25,203 --> 00:24:26,571
How about that guy?
676
00:24:26,671 --> 00:24:27,739
Of all the nerve!
677
00:24:27,839 --> 00:24:31,343
Stealing jokes from another show.
678
00:24:31,443 --> 00:24:32,677
Buddy, what are you doing?
679
00:24:32,777 --> 00:24:36,815
Thought maybe I'd find a good cowboy joke here.
680
00:24:36,915 --> 00:24:43,488
[THEME - EARLE HAGEN, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THEME"]
681
00:24:43,588 --> 00:24:48,159
[THEME - EARLE HAGEN, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THEME"]
47074
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.