All language subtitles for The Dick Van Dyke Show - 01x26 - I Am My Brother`s Keeper

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,142 --> 00:00:03,211 ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show! 2 00:00:04,112 --> 00:00:06,147 ( MUSIC PLAYING ) 3 00:00:20,462 --> 00:00:23,164 Eighteen, 4 00:00:23,198 --> 00:00:24,432 nineteen... 5 00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:25,800 ( PHONE RINGING ) 6 00:00:26,835 --> 00:00:28,103 twenty. 7 00:00:28,136 --> 00:00:29,204 ( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ) 8 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,405 twenty-one. 9 00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:34,042 Hey, Sal, will you get that? 10 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,110 Yeah, sure. 11 00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:39,948 Hello? 12 00:00:39,981 --> 00:00:41,916 ( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ) 13 00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:44,386 Yeah, he's here. Just a minute. 14 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,387 It's for you, Buddy. 15 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,455 Thanks. Hello? 16 00:00:47,489 --> 00:00:49,024 ( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ) 17 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:52,694 Hello? Oh? It's for you, Rob. 18 00:00:53,194 --> 00:00:54,929 ( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ) 19 00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:56,331 Thanks a lot, fellas. 20 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,001 Hello. LAURA: Hi, honey. 21 00:01:00,035 --> 00:01:01,836 It is for me. Told you. 22 00:01:01,870 --> 00:01:03,271 Am I interrupting anything? 23 00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:04,406 Yeah, but what you're interrupting 24 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,740 is highly interruptible. 25 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,608 What is it, honey? 26 00:01:06,641 --> 00:01:08,810 Well, a telegram just arrived for you. 27 00:01:08,843 --> 00:01:09,978 All right, you have my permission 28 00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:11,212 to open it and read it. 29 00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:12,213 All righty... 30 00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:16,251 Well, what do you know. 31 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:17,485 It's from your brother, Stacey. 32 00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:21,189 He says, "Arriving New York tonight on two-week furlough. 33 00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:23,391 Please secure hotel reservations for me. 34 00:01:23,425 --> 00:01:24,292 Would love to stay with you, 35 00:01:24,325 --> 00:01:26,528 but would be more comfortable in hotel. 36 00:01:26,561 --> 00:01:28,229 Understand, Burford?" 37 00:01:28,263 --> 00:01:29,531 Who's Burford? 38 00:01:29,564 --> 00:01:31,099 Uh, that's me, honey. 39 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:33,468 It's a name he called me once in a while. 40 00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:35,804 Ah, well, anyway. 41 00:01:35,837 --> 00:01:37,939 "Dying to see Laura and meet my nephew. 42 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,041 Love, Stacey." Isn't that wonderful? 43 00:01:40,075 --> 00:01:42,110 Oh, that's, that's uh, just great, honey. 44 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:45,413 Look, can you fix up a bunch of barbecued ribs tonight? 45 00:01:45,447 --> 00:01:46,548 He loves ribs. 46 00:01:46,581 --> 00:01:47,782 He? Who he? 47 00:01:48,883 --> 00:01:49,751 Ribs it'll be. 48 00:01:49,784 --> 00:01:51,152 Oh, and I'll get your junk out of the den. 49 00:01:51,186 --> 00:01:53,521 Uh, honey, don't uh, bother about the den. 50 00:01:53,555 --> 00:01:55,123 I'll get him a hotel room. 51 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,257 Him? Who's him? 52 00:01:56,291 --> 00:01:57,425 And is him married? 53 00:01:59,427 --> 00:02:00,662 Rob, I won't hear of it! 54 00:02:00,695 --> 00:02:04,099 He's the one relative of ours I'm really dying to know better. 55 00:02:04,132 --> 00:02:06,501 Honey, you gotta believe me. Don't fix up the den. 56 00:02:06,534 --> 00:02:09,304 My brother will be much happier in a nice hotel room. 57 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,372 Your brother! Hey, I got an idea. 58 00:02:11,406 --> 00:02:13,308 I'll marry him, and he can stay with me. 59 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:16,544 What did you say, honey? 60 00:02:16,578 --> 00:02:18,279 I said, I'm fixing up the den 61 00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:20,048 and I don't want to hear another word. 62 00:02:20,081 --> 00:02:22,117 One more word don't fix up the den. 63 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:23,551 He'll stay in a hotel room. 64 00:02:23,585 --> 00:02:24,986 And that's final 65 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,488 and I'll see you at the regular time. 66 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,522 Bye. 67 00:02:30,058 --> 00:02:31,960 Burford...oh boy. 68 00:02:35,611 --> 00:02:36,378 Honey, I spoke to him. 69 00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:38,113 He said he'd rather stay in a hotel, 70 00:02:38,147 --> 00:02:39,081 now it's all settled. 71 00:02:39,114 --> 00:02:41,116 It's not settled, Rob. You're not going to win. 72 00:02:42,151 --> 00:02:45,120 Look, will you believe Stacey if he says he prefers a hotel? 73 00:02:45,154 --> 00:02:46,889 Why would he prefer a hotel? 74 00:02:46,922 --> 00:02:48,457 Because he's shy and retiring. 75 00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,192 He doesn't want to bother people. 76 00:02:50,225 --> 00:02:51,927 Well, all right. We'll discuss it when you get back. 77 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,128 You better go. You'll be late. 78 00:02:53,162 --> 00:02:54,563 No, honey. I've got an hour before it lands. 79 00:02:54,596 --> 00:02:56,098 I'll be there 15 minutes early. 80 00:02:56,131 --> 00:02:57,099 Well, while you're waiting, 81 00:02:57,132 --> 00:02:58,500 don't go nibbling candy from those machines. 82 00:02:58,534 --> 00:03:00,269 I've got 10 pounds of wild looking ribs 83 00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:02,471 in that oven. Okay. You keep them wild. 84 00:03:02,504 --> 00:03:04,139 Both Stace and I will tame them. 85 00:03:04,173 --> 00:03:04,973 All right. Burford! 86 00:03:05,007 --> 00:03:06,241 Ouch! 87 00:03:07,242 --> 00:03:08,877 Is that a way to greet a brother? 88 00:03:08,911 --> 00:03:10,345 Stace, what are you doing here? 89 00:03:10,379 --> 00:03:12,247 I came to eat ribs, Burf. 90 00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:14,917 Well, come on in, uh, Stace. 91 00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:16,552 Hi there. Hi, Stacey. 92 00:03:16,585 --> 00:03:18,620 Stace, your plane wasn't due for an hour yet. 93 00:03:18,654 --> 00:03:20,422 Well, I took an earlier plane, Burf. 94 00:03:20,455 --> 00:03:22,090 Well, wwwhy, why, why did you... 95 00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:23,258 No, what difference does it make what plane he took? 96 00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,160 The point is he's here, and we ought to be telling him 97 00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:26,495 how happy we are to see him. 98 00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:29,231 Yeah, so somebody kiss me anybody. 99 00:03:29,264 --> 00:03:31,300 I remember from the wedding you're my sister-in-law, 100 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:32,401 so you can kiss me. 101 00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,569 Aw, ha ha. 102 00:03:33,602 --> 00:03:34,536 How are you, Laura? 103 00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:36,605 Just fine, and welcome to New York, Stacey. 104 00:03:36,638 --> 00:03:37,940 Well, Burf, what do you want to do 105 00:03:37,973 --> 00:03:39,975 kiss, shake hands, hug, what, huh? 106 00:03:40,509 --> 00:03:42,411 Let's do them all how about that? 107 00:03:43,946 --> 00:03:45,547 Good to see you, Burf! 108 00:03:46,582 --> 00:03:48,317 How are you, you old beanstalk? 109 00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:50,419 Just fine, Stace. How are you? 110 00:03:50,452 --> 00:03:51,620 Rob, what's the matter with you? 111 00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:53,188 Nothing's the matter with me. 112 00:03:53,222 --> 00:03:55,290 He's acting like he's not happy to see you, Stacey, 113 00:03:55,324 --> 00:03:56,358 and he is. 114 00:03:56,391 --> 00:03:57,426 Oh, I know my brother Burf. 115 00:03:57,459 --> 00:04:00,996 He's acting that way because I'm acting this way. 116 00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:02,064 Ba doo, boo. ( LAUGHING ) 117 00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:04,199 that didn't make any sense. 118 00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:06,268 Well we, uh, we Petries do that a lot. 119 00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:07,302 Righto, Burf. 120 00:04:07,336 --> 00:04:09,705 Listen, Stace how come you always call Rob Burford? 121 00:04:09,738 --> 00:04:12,207 Eh, he looks like a Burford, doesn't he? 122 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:14,109 Yes, come to think of it? 123 00:04:14,142 --> 00:04:17,379 Oooh, smell them ribs! Hahaha. 124 00:04:17,412 --> 00:04:20,048 Say, Stace did you, uh, 125 00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:21,650 catch a nice nap on the plane? 126 00:04:21,683 --> 00:04:22,684 Sure did, Burf. 127 00:04:22,718 --> 00:04:25,020 I wanted to stay right on that plane and sleep. 128 00:04:25,053 --> 00:04:26,955 ( CHUCKLES ) Well, we're glad you woke up. 129 00:04:26,989 --> 00:04:28,557 Who woke up I'm still asleep. 130 00:04:28,590 --> 00:04:30,092 ( LAUGHS ) 131 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:32,160 Say, Stacey, would you like to lie down awhile? 132 00:04:32,194 --> 00:04:33,629 Oh, yes. And speaking of lying down, 133 00:04:33,662 --> 00:04:35,497 I want it understood right here and now 134 00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:38,000 that you're staying with us. No hotel. 135 00:04:38,033 --> 00:04:39,701 And I don't want to hear any arguments. 136 00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:41,436 Who's gonna argue? 137 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,105 Then you will stay with us? 138 00:04:43,138 --> 00:04:45,240 Where else? Hey, Burf, how are you? 139 00:04:48,677 --> 00:04:51,380 Stacey, wouldn't you like to catch a nice nap 140 00:04:51,413 --> 00:04:52,414 and freshen up a little bit? 141 00:04:52,447 --> 00:04:53,415 Good, good. 142 00:04:53,448 --> 00:04:55,017 I want to do all those things nap, freshen up, 143 00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:57,319 and then lead me to them ribs! 144 00:04:58,387 --> 00:04:59,554 Go on, Stace. 145 00:04:59,588 --> 00:05:00,622 Did I kiss you hello? 146 00:05:00,656 --> 00:05:01,590 Yes, you did. All right. 147 00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:03,392 Did I shake hands with you? Yeah, you did. 148 00:05:03,425 --> 00:05:05,427 Good. I like to remember those things. 149 00:05:06,261 --> 00:05:07,496 ( WHISTLING ) 150 00:05:08,697 --> 00:05:09,998 Honey, I'll be back in a minute. 151 00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:12,234 I...I want to explain something. 152 00:05:12,267 --> 00:05:14,069 Yes, I thought you might. 153 00:05:20,175 --> 00:05:22,110 Honey, can you come in here a minute? 154 00:05:25,814 --> 00:05:26,715 Have you got a minute? 155 00:05:26,748 --> 00:05:27,916 Well, it's going to take you longer than that 156 00:05:27,949 --> 00:05:31,153 to explain your abominable behavior towards your brother. 157 00:05:31,186 --> 00:05:32,587 Honey, will you sit down just a minute? 158 00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,092 Didn't it seem to you 159 00:05:37,125 --> 00:05:39,061 that Stacey was acting a little strangely? 160 00:05:39,094 --> 00:05:40,295 No, he was acting like a fellow 161 00:05:40,329 --> 00:05:41,363 who was happy to see us. 162 00:05:41,396 --> 00:05:43,565 He was spirited, joyful, and bubbly. 163 00:05:43,598 --> 00:05:46,268 Right. Three things that Stacey ordinarily is not 164 00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:47,703 unless... 165 00:05:47,736 --> 00:05:49,371 Unless what? 166 00:05:49,404 --> 00:05:51,373 Well, honey, you're gonna find out sooner or later anyway. 167 00:05:51,406 --> 00:05:53,408 I might just as well tell you. 168 00:05:54,309 --> 00:05:57,546 My brother Stacey has a...problem. 169 00:05:57,579 --> 00:05:59,047 A problem? Yeah. 170 00:05:59,081 --> 00:06:00,315 He thought he had it licked, too, 171 00:06:00,349 --> 00:06:01,516 but it looks like he hasn't. 172 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:03,051 Oh, Rob, no. 173 00:06:03,085 --> 00:06:04,686 Your brother is a drunkard! 174 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,321 No, no, honey. 175 00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:09,091 No, he's not a drunkard. 176 00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:11,093 Uh, Stacey's a...a... 177 00:06:11,126 --> 00:06:12,394 A what? 178 00:06:12,761 --> 00:06:14,429 A somnambulist. 179 00:06:14,463 --> 00:06:15,464 A somnambulist? 180 00:06:15,497 --> 00:06:17,165 A sleepwalker? 181 00:06:17,199 --> 00:06:19,134 The best in the world. 182 00:06:20,802 --> 00:06:23,805 Well, I don't think I've ever seen a sleepwalker before. 183 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,508 Oh, yes, you just saw a big demonstration by one. 184 00:06:27,509 --> 00:06:29,611 You mean that Stacey just now... 185 00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:31,246 Sound asleep. 186 00:06:33,415 --> 00:06:36,418 I don't believe it! How can you tell he's asleep? 187 00:06:36,451 --> 00:06:39,254 Well, you noticed Stacey wasn't wearing his glasses 188 00:06:39,287 --> 00:06:40,222 So? 189 00:06:40,255 --> 00:06:42,324 He always wears his glasses when he's awake. 190 00:06:42,357 --> 00:06:44,493 The only time he takes them off is when he's asleep 191 00:06:44,526 --> 00:06:45,694 and you heard him call me Burford 192 00:06:45,727 --> 00:06:46,828 Yeah. 193 00:06:46,862 --> 00:06:50,065 Well, when he's that way, he calls everybody Burford. 194 00:06:50,465 --> 00:06:52,100 Well, he seems so happy. 195 00:06:52,134 --> 00:06:53,602 That's the big clue. 196 00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:56,371 When he's awake, he's very shy, very retiring, 197 00:06:56,405 --> 00:06:59,207 but when he's asleep, he's friendly, outgoing. 198 00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:02,177 Are you asking me to believe that someone can be asleep 199 00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,246 and walk around and talk? 200 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:05,747 You saw it with your own eyes. 201 00:07:05,781 --> 00:07:07,382 I just can't believe it's true. 202 00:07:07,416 --> 00:07:08,216 Well, it is. 203 00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:09,818 I looked it up in the encyclopedia 204 00:07:09,851 --> 00:07:12,320 and it lists all four kinds of somnambulism, 205 00:07:12,354 --> 00:07:15,457 and Stacey is the fourth type, the rarest. 206 00:07:15,490 --> 00:07:17,759 His is kind of akin to hypnotism. 207 00:07:17,793 --> 00:07:18,827 It's under somnambulism. 208 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,462 I'm going to see this one myself. 209 00:07:22,464 --> 00:07:23,799 Well, then just around. 210 00:07:27,602 --> 00:07:29,237 Rob, what's he gonna do? 211 00:07:29,271 --> 00:07:31,273 He's gonna play golf if I don't stop him. 212 00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:36,578 Ahem, Stace... Say, where you going? 213 00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:38,447 Oh, hi ya, Burford. How about a little golf? 214 00:07:39,247 --> 00:07:40,582 We don't have the time now, Stace. 215 00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:41,683 We're gonna have dinner. 216 00:07:41,716 --> 00:07:43,518 Have I got...for... Just for nine holes? 217 00:07:43,552 --> 00:07:45,454 No. Wouldn't you rather finish your nap 218 00:07:45,487 --> 00:07:47,489 and freshen up and have dinner? 219 00:07:47,522 --> 00:07:48,890 Good idea, Burf. 220 00:07:49,658 --> 00:07:51,593 ( WHISTLING ) 221 00:07:57,332 --> 00:08:00,235 Stace...uh, why don't you sleep in the bed? 222 00:08:02,804 --> 00:08:05,307 Okay, uh, listen. Don't turn the water on. 223 00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:12,848 Convinced? Almost. 224 00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:13,915 What do you mean, almost? 225 00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:15,450 You just saw a beautiful demonstration 226 00:08:15,484 --> 00:08:18,620 of sleepwalking... And almost sleep golfing. 227 00:08:18,653 --> 00:08:19,955 Oh, my. 228 00:08:19,988 --> 00:08:21,857 Well, how will I be able to tell when he's awake? 229 00:08:21,890 --> 00:08:23,191 When he's wide awake, 230 00:08:23,225 --> 00:08:24,459 he's a totally different personality. 231 00:08:24,493 --> 00:08:27,462 He's very shy and reserved and introverted. 232 00:08:27,863 --> 00:08:29,698 Am I interrupting anything? 233 00:08:29,731 --> 00:08:31,366 Oh, no. Come on in, Stace. 234 00:08:34,603 --> 00:08:36,371 Hi, Rob. Hi. 235 00:08:36,404 --> 00:08:37,472 Hi, Laura. 236 00:08:37,506 --> 00:08:38,473 Hi, Stacey. 237 00:08:38,507 --> 00:08:40,275 We, uh, we met, didn't... 238 00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:40,976 Yes, we did. 239 00:08:41,009 --> 00:08:42,711 Yeah, I...I remember. 240 00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:44,446 Uh, Stacey, is your room all right? 241 00:08:44,479 --> 00:08:46,314 Oh, yeah. It's just, it's just fine, Laura, 242 00:08:46,348 --> 00:08:49,551 but I think, uh, it'd be better if I stayed in a hotel. 243 00:08:49,584 --> 00:08:51,820 Stacey, sit down a minute, please. 244 00:08:53,522 --> 00:08:57,492 Um, Rob told me everything. 245 00:08:57,526 --> 00:08:58,627 He did? Uh huh. 246 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,862 Yes, and you're staying here with us. 247 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:03,498 Well, that's, that's very nice of you, but I, I... 248 00:09:03,532 --> 00:09:06,268 Stace, when did the midnight strolls start again? 249 00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:08,370 Well, it was about a week ago, and it's funny 250 00:09:08,403 --> 00:09:11,473 because I haven't walked in my sleep since I was 14, 251 00:09:11,506 --> 00:09:12,941 back in Danville. Remember, Rob? 252 00:09:12,974 --> 00:09:15,577 Yeah, you mean when you got up and took the bus to Chicago? 253 00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:16,444 Yeah. 254 00:09:17,612 --> 00:09:18,780 You know we found him in a movie house, 255 00:09:18,813 --> 00:09:21,216 watching the Laurel and Hardy festival. 256 00:09:21,550 --> 00:09:23,518 Sat through it four times. 257 00:09:23,552 --> 00:09:24,819 When they came in to clean up the theater, 258 00:09:24,853 --> 00:09:27,422 there was Stace, slumped in a seat, sound asleep. 259 00:09:27,455 --> 00:09:28,823 Well, I thought he was asleep. 260 00:09:28,857 --> 00:09:31,393 Well, during the picture, I was awake/asleep. 261 00:09:31,426 --> 00:09:33,762 When they found me, I was asleep/asleep. 262 00:09:34,896 --> 00:09:36,398 I'm confused. I, I... 263 00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:38,533 Yeah, so were the army doctors. 264 00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,669 Just last week I got up in the middle of the night, 265 00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:41,937 and I grabbed my banjo... 266 00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:42,771 Your banjo? 267 00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:45,040 Yeah, and I ended up strumming Reveille 268 00:09:45,073 --> 00:09:47,542 over the loudspeaker at 3 A.M. 269 00:09:49,711 --> 00:09:51,313 Boy, they didn't like that. 270 00:09:52,914 --> 00:09:54,482 What do you think started it again? 271 00:09:54,516 --> 00:09:57,319 Well, the army doctors think I'm a little disturbed 272 00:09:57,352 --> 00:09:59,988 by the fact that I'm going to be discharged soon. 273 00:10:00,021 --> 00:10:01,823 Well, don't you want to leave the army? 274 00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:04,392 Oh, sure, sure I do. 275 00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:05,694 You don't sound very sure. 276 00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:06,995 No, I don't, do I? 277 00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:11,433 No, I, I know I'm sure, though...I think. 278 00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:14,369 Stace, have you been thinking about what you want to do 279 00:10:14,402 --> 00:10:15,904 when you get out of the army? 280 00:10:15,937 --> 00:10:18,073 Well, you know, Rob, I've always, 281 00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:20,875 I've always liked comedy, and I've been thinking 282 00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:25,313 well, that maybe I'd like to be a, a comedian. 283 00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:31,419 A comedian? 284 00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:37,859 Yeah. Around the barracks I, I, uh, cut up. 285 00:10:39,861 --> 00:10:43,798 And uh, and uh, the fellas laugh at me a lot. 286 00:10:44,899 --> 00:10:47,802 And I thought maybe that, uh, you could advise me. 287 00:10:47,836 --> 00:10:49,037 About what? 288 00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:50,939 About being a comedian. 289 00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,342 Hm, well, uh, Stace, 290 00:10:54,376 --> 00:10:56,978 I'd be happy to give you my opinion. 291 00:10:57,012 --> 00:10:59,881 Uh, you want to show us what you do? 292 00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,916 Uh, right now? Well, yeah. 293 00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,551 Have you got your banjo with you? 294 00:11:03,585 --> 00:11:05,787 Yeah, it, it's in my barracks bag there. 295 00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:06,988 Well, good. Go get it. 296 00:11:07,022 --> 00:11:09,357 Now? Rob: Sure, go ahead. 297 00:11:10,625 --> 00:11:11,926 ( CHUCKLES ) Okay. 298 00:11:12,661 --> 00:11:14,629 Uh, it isn't much, though, I'll tell you. 299 00:11:14,663 --> 00:11:15,964 Go on and get it. 300 00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:17,599 All right. huh. 301 00:11:17,632 --> 00:11:19,434 You get a little out of tune in the barracks bag. 302 00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,669 I'll probably have to... 303 00:11:25,674 --> 00:11:27,676 Aw, you really sure you want to hear me play? 304 00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:29,811 Of course we are! Sure we do! 305 00:11:29,844 --> 00:11:30,779 Well, I don't know. 306 00:11:30,812 --> 00:11:32,113 ( CHUCKLES ) 307 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:33,748 I'll tell you I'm a little nervous. 308 00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:35,583 Why be nervous we're your relatives. 309 00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:37,385 Yeah, but you're civilians. 310 00:11:38,553 --> 00:11:41,389 I never, I never played for anybody but soldiers before. 311 00:11:41,423 --> 00:11:42,390 Well, why don't you think of me 312 00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:43,725 as a former soldier. 313 00:11:43,758 --> 00:11:45,794 Okay, I'll try. 314 00:11:46,561 --> 00:11:47,896 ( STRUMS BANJO ) 315 00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,365 ~ Wwwwell, well, well ~ 316 00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:55,637 ~ Well, well, well ~ 317 00:11:58,106 --> 00:12:00,008 That's a very funny opening for the act. 318 00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,910 I haven't started yet, Rob. 319 00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:04,946 You see, my banjo's a little out of tune. 320 00:12:04,979 --> 00:12:07,015 It's...it had been in my barracks bag. 321 00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:08,583 Okay. 322 00:12:08,616 --> 00:12:09,684 ( STRUMING BANJO ) 323 00:12:09,718 --> 00:12:10,618 ~ Well 324 00:12:10,652 --> 00:12:12,821 ~ Hello hello sunshine 325 00:12:12,854 --> 00:12:18,026 ~ Hello helloooo sunshine goodbye rain ~ 326 00:12:18,059 --> 00:12:19,961 ~ Guide my baby 327 00:12:19,994 --> 00:12:21,830 Is it all right if I sing really bad? 328 00:12:21,863 --> 00:12:22,897 Go ahead. 329 00:12:22,931 --> 00:12:24,532 Okay, yeah, but this is where I tell the jokes. 330 00:12:24,566 --> 00:12:26,201 Oh, go ahead and tell a joke then. 331 00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:29,771 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) ~ Hmm, hmm, hmm, 332 00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:34,642 Doo, doo, hmm, doo. 333 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:39,814 Uh, this is a, this is a story about a fella that hmm 334 00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:42,617 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) hmm, 335 00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:44,853 this a, a fella goes into a, 336 00:12:44,886 --> 00:12:47,655 he goes up to this uh, guy on the street, hmm 337 00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,924 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) 338 00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:51,659 and he says can you give me fif 339 00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:54,729 uh, teen cen fifteen cents for a sandwich? 340 00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:56,531 And the guy said, uhhm 341 00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:58,700 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) 342 00:13:01,002 --> 00:13:02,771 and he says, "I'll give you" sure 343 00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:06,508 he says, "I'll give you 15 cents for a sandwich, but uh, hmm 344 00:13:06,541 --> 00:13:08,510 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) 345 00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,781 I'll get the uh, that's no good. 346 00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,116 I'll tell it. 347 00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,552 Oh, this is a good one. I just heard this. 348 00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:20,755 Hmm, duh, this uh, this is a guy, he takes a pair-- 349 00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:23,024 I play the music right through the-- 350 00:13:23,057 --> 00:13:24,692 while I'm telling the jokes. 351 00:13:24,726 --> 00:13:25,860 I keep it going. 352 00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:27,629 ( HUMMING ) Hmm, 353 00:13:27,662 --> 00:13:31,232 this guy goes into a, a, psychiatrist's office, 354 00:13:31,266 --> 00:13:34,135 and, and, and he says, uh, 355 00:13:34,169 --> 00:13:35,937 and he's the guy's all orange 356 00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:39,607 and, and purple all over, and he goes and, hmm 357 00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:43,111 a psychia-- and he says, and, 358 00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:45,146 and he's got a pelican on his head 359 00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:49,818 uh, I'm not doing very well, am I? 360 00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:53,121 Well, no, Stace, I, uh, wouldn't say that. 361 00:13:53,154 --> 00:13:54,289 It's, it's just that, uh-- 362 00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,057 it's just that I'm no good. 363 00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:58,893 Well, no. I, I think, uh, ahem, that uh, 364 00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,196 you need a little extra polish 365 00:14:01,229 --> 00:14:05,266 and a little experience, but, uh, all newcomers need that. 366 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,136 You don't think I'm ready to audition for anybody yet, 367 00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:09,571 do you, Rob? 368 00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:13,107 Ahem, well, uh, let me say this 369 00:14:13,141 --> 00:14:15,009 uh, I do think you need that, 370 00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:17,612 that little uh, extra bit of polish. 371 00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:19,881 Yeah. I guess so. 372 00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:23,318 Hey, it's getting late. 373 00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:24,886 Boy, we better attack those ribs 374 00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:26,688 before the gang gets here. 375 00:14:26,721 --> 00:14:27,555 What gang? 376 00:14:27,589 --> 00:14:29,023 Oh, I invited a few of the neighbors 377 00:14:29,057 --> 00:14:30,692 and some of the guys from the office over. 378 00:14:30,725 --> 00:14:31,893 I thought you might like to meet them. 379 00:14:31,926 --> 00:14:33,862 Oh, gee. I'm a little tired, Rob. 380 00:14:33,895 --> 00:14:35,964 Will I have time to grab a nap first? 381 00:14:35,997 --> 00:14:37,732 But, Stacey, you just had a nap. 382 00:14:37,765 --> 00:14:39,167 I, I get more rest when I'm awake 383 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,835 than those kind of naps. 384 00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:44,572 Hey, I better, I better go get dressed. 385 00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:46,241 Uh, I, I won't, I won't be long. 386 00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:47,275 Okay, Stace. 387 00:14:47,308 --> 00:14:48,209 Get a little more polish. 388 00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:50,078 That's what I need if it get some polish 389 00:14:50,111 --> 00:14:52,080 and smooth this out a little bit... 390 00:14:54,082 --> 00:14:56,084 ( APPLAUSE ) 391 00:14:57,852 --> 00:14:59,020 What are you thinking, Rob? 392 00:14:59,053 --> 00:15:00,188 I'm trying to think of some other business 393 00:15:00,221 --> 00:15:01,890 my brother can go into. 394 00:15:04,092 --> 00:15:05,293 He's not very funny. 395 00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:07,562 He was funnier asleep. 396 00:15:08,263 --> 00:15:10,798 Not much demand for a sleeping comedian. 397 00:15:11,299 --> 00:15:12,934 Let's go baste the ribs. 398 00:15:12,967 --> 00:15:14,235 ( BANJO MUSIC ) 399 00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:16,237 STACEY: Hmm, banjo. 400 00:15:17,705 --> 00:15:19,874 And the pelican goes, ahuhm. 401 00:15:19,908 --> 00:15:22,010 ( BANJO MUSIC ) 402 00:15:28,749 --> 00:15:29,483 SALLY: Hey, Rob. 403 00:15:29,517 --> 00:15:30,484 I've been here for 37 minutes, 404 00:15:30,518 --> 00:15:32,653 and I still haven't met the guest of honor. 405 00:15:32,686 --> 00:15:33,821 I don't think you have a brother 406 00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,189 what do you think of that? Sal, I told you, 407 00:15:35,222 --> 00:15:36,357 he's just knocked off from his trip 408 00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:37,625 he's catching a few winks. 409 00:15:37,658 --> 00:15:39,493 Well, he's missing a few winks. 410 00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:41,829 Come on, get him up I want to flirt a little. 411 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:42,863 ( CHUCKLES ) Now just calm down. 412 00:15:42,897 --> 00:15:45,466 I told you he's already engaged, and he's very shy. 413 00:15:45,499 --> 00:15:46,534 Shyer than you? 414 00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:47,301 Oh, yeah. 415 00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:48,869 Well, how did he get engaged? 416 00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:50,371 She asked him! 417 00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:52,239 Listen, darling, 418 00:15:52,273 --> 00:15:53,073 don't you think you ought to wake Stacey up now? 419 00:15:53,107 --> 00:15:54,575 After all, the party is in his honor. 420 00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:55,876 Yeah, good idea. 421 00:15:56,510 --> 00:16:00,581 ( BANJO MUSIC ) ~ Hello sunshine... 422 00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:04,285 Party! 423 00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,489 Oh, hello there. How about a little twist? 424 00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:11,392 Come on shut her motor off. 425 00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,894 Oh, who's this? 426 00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:14,962 I'm Mel Cooley. 427 00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:16,497 He's, he's the producer of The Alan Brady Show. 428 00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,232 Mel, this is my brother, Stacey Petrie. 429 00:16:18,265 --> 00:16:20,935 How do you do, Mel? Love your show. 430 00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:21,869 Well, thank you, thank you. 431 00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:24,271 If I ever need a producer, you're my man. 432 00:16:24,305 --> 00:16:25,306 How much you make a week? 433 00:16:25,339 --> 00:16:26,240 How much do I make a week? 434 00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:27,341 I'll tell you, I'll give you twice that, 435 00:16:27,374 --> 00:16:29,210 throw in a trip to Europe, and a new pair of pants 436 00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:30,444 what do you say to that? 437 00:16:31,579 --> 00:16:33,414 Well, Mr. Petrie, you're, you're very generous. 438 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,349 Yeah, I'm also sound asleep. 439 00:16:36,484 --> 00:16:38,486 Yep, he's Rob's brother, all right. 440 00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:41,722 Oh, who's the nice blonde lady? 441 00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:43,791 So, this is your shy brother, huh? 442 00:16:43,824 --> 00:16:45,960 Well, Sal, he doesn't, he doesn't do this all the time 443 00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:48,195 he's just putting it on... Because-- 444 00:16:48,229 --> 00:16:49,363 oh, that's because he doesn't want anyone to know 445 00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,664 how shy he is. 446 00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:51,932 Oh, I'm shy, all right. 447 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:54,468 My whole body's shy. Only my mouth is outspoken. 448 00:16:54,502 --> 00:16:55,669 ( LAUGHTER ) 449 00:16:56,604 --> 00:16:58,539 Uh, this is, this is Sally Rogers. 450 00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:00,508 He's very tired from his trip, Sal. 451 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,942 Don't you want to lie down awhile, Stace? 452 00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,711 Sure, but first I want to kiss her hand. 453 00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:04,712 Well, after your nap. Well, now, Rob. 454 00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,847 How long could it take to kiss a lady's hand? 455 00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,449 Go ahead, kid, live. 456 00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,683 Oh, look at this. Five fingers, 457 00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:11,485 one for each fingernail. 458 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,322 Okay, Stace, nappy time. 459 00:17:15,356 --> 00:17:16,757 Okay, but first I have a request. 460 00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:18,859 Well, after your nap Rob, what's with this napping? 461 00:17:18,893 --> 00:17:21,562 He looks like he could use a nice run around the block. 462 00:17:21,595 --> 00:17:23,430 ( CHUCKLES ) Yes, that's how we Petries act 463 00:17:23,464 --> 00:17:24,832 when we're overtired. 464 00:17:25,432 --> 00:17:26,367 Okay, let's go, Stace. 465 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,869 Oh, who's this fine looking man right here? 466 00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:29,837 Fine looking? 467 00:17:29,870 --> 00:17:30,938 Must be something wrong with his eyesight. 468 00:17:30,971 --> 00:17:33,407 Guess it's the army food, Rob not enough carrots. 469 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,842 ( LAUGHS ) Haha. Don't tell me 470 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,877 it's Buddy Sorrell, the human joke machine. 471 00:17:36,911 --> 00:17:38,546 Tada! How do you do, buddy? 472 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,614 Hi ya. The subject is birds. 473 00:17:40,648 --> 00:17:43,017 Birds, birds you know why a hummingbird hums? 474 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:43,717 No, what? 475 00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:45,352 'cause he don't know the words. 476 00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:48,889 I like it! 477 00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,925 I want to meet more people like him. 478 00:17:50,958 --> 00:17:52,626 Where's the lady with the hand? 479 00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,361 Oh, try this one hahaha. 480 00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:57,264 Say, Stacey, don't you want to go to your room? 481 00:17:57,298 --> 00:17:58,732 Good idea, Burf! 482 00:17:58,766 --> 00:18:01,435 Okay, everybody to my room! 483 00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:03,237 ( LAUGHTER ) 484 00:18:03,904 --> 00:18:05,306 We'll have a little entertainment. 485 00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:06,307 No, we're not... 486 00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:07,975 ( APPLAUSE ) 487 00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:12,947 ~ Yeah hello sunshine goodbye rain... ~ 488 00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:19,787 In my room. Let's go! 489 00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,622 ( LAUGHTER ) 490 00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:23,691 who stole my bed? 491 00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:35,402 Heh, folks, I'd like to present to you 492 00:18:35,436 --> 00:18:37,071 my little brother, Stacey Petrie. 493 00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:39,273 ( APPLAUSE ) 494 00:18:40,074 --> 00:18:41,842 Good evening, folks. 495 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,410 Aw... What's the matter? 496 00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,312 I forgot my banjo pick. 497 00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,049 Everybody talk to each other. You get on the stool, Burf. 498 00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:50,818 I'll be right back, okay? 499 00:18:51,051 --> 00:18:52,319 The stool for you. 500 00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:53,420 He's going to entertain. 501 00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:55,356 I don't know, I've never seen his act. 502 00:18:56,991 --> 00:18:58,025 Rob, what are you going to do? 503 00:18:58,058 --> 00:18:59,593 Honey, I tried to wake him up. 504 00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:01,495 He's not going to wake up until he's ready. 505 00:19:01,528 --> 00:19:02,763 I even pinched him. 506 00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:03,897 You know what he said to me? 507 00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:05,466 He said, "Please let me perform. 508 00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:07,568 I know I could be funny." Honey, he begged me. 509 00:19:07,601 --> 00:19:09,103 But darling, is it a good idea to let him perform 510 00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:11,372 in front of all these people asleep? 511 00:19:11,405 --> 00:19:12,239 How should I know, honey? 512 00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:13,807 Maybe if he would be successful tonight, 513 00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:15,376 he'll get the confidence to perform 514 00:19:15,409 --> 00:19:16,777 when he's wide awake. 515 00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:18,879 Okay, folks, here I am. 516 00:19:18,912 --> 00:19:20,447 ( APPLAUSE ) 517 00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:21,915 Okay, everybody over here, up to the stage. 518 00:19:21,949 --> 00:19:23,117 Come on over to the stage. 519 00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:25,386 Gather 'round, make a circle. 520 00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:26,854 It's showtime! 521 00:19:26,887 --> 00:19:28,088 Hahaha. 522 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,857 Okay, folks. Get around there, 523 00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:30,958 and I'll tune up a little bit. 524 00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:32,393 ( BANJO STRUMMING ) Gotta get it 525 00:19:32,426 --> 00:19:34,061 let me have an 'r', Burf. 526 00:19:34,094 --> 00:19:35,462 That's good. 527 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:38,766 I only said that for a joke there ain't no "r". 528 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,834 Is there? 529 00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,736 ( LAUGHTER ) 530 00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:44,071 All right, folks, what would you like to hear? 531 00:19:44,104 --> 00:19:45,973 How about, uh, how about Stardust? 532 00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:47,708 Oh, that's a good I don't know that. 533 00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:49,777 You know any Italian numbers? 534 00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:52,780 Oh, I know that. How about Napoli 486182? 535 00:19:53,914 --> 00:19:55,983 SALLY: He's very shy, isn't he? 536 00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:57,918 Listen, why don't you do one of your favorites? 537 00:19:57,951 --> 00:20:00,921 I don't have any favorites. I hate banjo music. 538 00:20:01,989 --> 00:20:03,557 What do you want to hear, Mr. Burford? 539 00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:04,925 How, how about something classical? 540 00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:05,993 Good enough something classical. 541 00:20:06,026 --> 00:20:09,096 How about the uh, Hungarian Rhapsody by Goulash? 542 00:20:09,129 --> 00:20:10,531 Oh, goulash is a stew. 543 00:20:10,564 --> 00:20:11,732 Oh, I don't care how much he drinks. 544 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:13,133 He writes good music. 545 00:20:15,969 --> 00:20:18,072 Okay, something classical for Mr. Burford. 546 00:20:18,105 --> 00:20:20,140 ( BANJO STRUMMING ) 547 00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:23,410 ~ Hello sunshine goodbye rain 548 00:20:23,444 --> 00:20:25,079 ~ Got my baby back 549 00:20:25,112 --> 00:20:26,613 Hear it, Burf? 550 00:20:28,082 --> 00:20:29,683 Aw, I'll tone it down a little bit. 551 00:20:29,983 --> 00:20:30,918 I don't want to drown out my voice. 552 00:20:30,951 --> 00:20:32,152 I sing pretty good. 553 00:20:32,986 --> 00:20:33,954 There we go. 554 00:20:33,987 --> 00:20:34,855 That ought to be better... ( BANJO STRUMMING ) 555 00:20:34,888 --> 00:20:38,859 ~ Well hello sunshine goodbye rain ~ 556 00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:41,595 ~ Got my baby back again 557 00:20:41,628 --> 00:20:42,930 Everybody clap. 558 00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,865 ( CLAPPING ) 559 00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:45,866 ( STRUMMING BANJO ) 560 00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:47,468 That's good. 561 00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:48,869 Thank you for the applause. 562 00:20:51,572 --> 00:20:52,973 And now for my encore... 563 00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:55,476 ( laughing ) 564 00:20:55,509 --> 00:20:57,511 I'm killing 'em, ain't I, Burf? 565 00:20:57,911 --> 00:21:01,615 ~ Hello roses hello June hello ~ 566 00:21:01,648 --> 00:21:02,716 Or as General Custer said, he said, 567 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:03,717 "I don't know what's the matter with them Indians. 568 00:21:03,751 --> 00:21:05,853 They were all right at the dance last night." 569 00:21:05,886 --> 00:21:08,021 ( LAUGHTER ) 570 00:21:08,956 --> 00:21:11,759 ~ Hello roses hello dew 571 00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:12,993 ~ Hello blue 572 00:21:13,026 --> 00:21:14,795 The fella that crossed a parrot with a tiger to match that 573 00:21:14,828 --> 00:21:15,763 what did you get? 574 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:16,764 He said, "I don't know, but when he talks, 575 00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:18,599 you better listen." 576 00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:23,137 A fella walks into a psychiatrist's office, 577 00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:25,739 and he's all orange and blue and purple and green all over, 578 00:21:25,773 --> 00:21:26,907 and he's got a pelican on his head, 579 00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,609 and the pelican has a fish in his mouth 580 00:21:28,642 --> 00:21:29,877 and he walked up to the psychiatrist, 581 00:21:29,910 --> 00:21:31,678 and the pelican says, "Say, can you tell me 582 00:21:31,712 --> 00:21:33,747 how I can get this guy out from under my feet?" 583 00:21:36,884 --> 00:21:38,852 It's alright, Burf. It's part of the act. 584 00:21:39,853 --> 00:21:41,822 It's a wonder I didn't wake up, huh? 585 00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:43,190 Big Benny's. 586 00:21:43,223 --> 00:21:44,925 ~ Hello hello sunshine 587 00:21:44,958 --> 00:21:47,828 ~ Goodbye rain 588 00:21:49,596 --> 00:21:50,798 ( APPLAUSE ) 589 00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:01,942 MEL: Young man, you were just great, 590 00:22:01,975 --> 00:22:03,143 and I want you to audition-- 591 00:22:03,177 --> 00:22:04,645 Oh, oh I think he's fainted. 592 00:22:04,678 --> 00:22:07,047 Well, uh, no, he's, he's just as asleep, Mel. 593 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,849 Well, how could he be asleep so fast? 594 00:22:08,882 --> 00:22:10,784 Well, he does that. He's a very fast sleeper. 595 00:22:10,818 --> 00:22:12,619 He had a hard day today. 596 00:22:12,653 --> 00:22:14,154 Yeah, well, wake him up I want to talk to him. 597 00:22:14,188 --> 00:22:15,289 No, don't, don't wake him up. 598 00:22:15,322 --> 00:22:17,758 Uh, you don't wake up a soldier on furlough, hehheh. 599 00:22:17,791 --> 00:22:19,526 Well, when he wakes up, you tell him that I... 600 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,994 Shh! Shh! 601 00:22:21,028 --> 00:22:22,062 Oh. 602 00:22:22,729 --> 00:22:23,463 ( WHISPERING ) When he wakes up, 603 00:22:23,497 --> 00:22:24,698 you tell him that I'd like him 604 00:22:24,731 --> 00:22:25,766 to audition for The Alan Brady Show. 605 00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,167 ( WHISPERING ) Yeah, I'll tell him when he wakes up. 606 00:22:27,201 --> 00:22:28,602 Yeah. 607 00:22:28,902 --> 00:22:29,770 ( WHISPERING ) Hey, Rob. 608 00:22:29,803 --> 00:22:31,138 Is the party over? ( WHISPERING ) Yes. 609 00:22:31,171 --> 00:22:32,806 ( WHISPERING ) I thought so. 610 00:22:35,976 --> 00:22:37,644 ( WHISPERING ) Rob, will you tell Stacey 611 00:22:37,678 --> 00:22:38,879 he was just great? Just wonderful! 612 00:22:38,912 --> 00:22:39,813 Fine, I'll tell him ( INDISTINCT ). 613 00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:41,715 ( WHISPERING ) and I'll see you tomorrow. 614 00:22:41,748 --> 00:22:43,150 ( WHISPERING ) Laura, it was a wonderful party. 615 00:22:43,183 --> 00:22:44,751 MEL: We had a marvelous evening. 616 00:22:44,785 --> 00:22:46,019 Shh! Shh! 617 00:22:49,623 --> 00:22:50,725 Honestly, Stace, you gotta believe me. 618 00:22:50,758 --> 00:22:52,660 You were absolutely great. 619 00:22:52,693 --> 00:22:54,328 Look, have I ever lied to you? 620 00:22:54,362 --> 00:22:57,231 Yeah. I mean, since we're adults. 621 00:22:57,264 --> 00:22:58,733 STACEY: Oh, no. Well, I just want to tell you, 622 00:22:58,766 --> 00:23:00,634 you, you're responsible for one of the nicest evenings 623 00:23:00,668 --> 00:23:02,269 we ever had in this house. Right, honey? 624 00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:03,237 Right. 625 00:23:03,270 --> 00:23:05,339 Yeah, I just can't believe I was that funny. 626 00:23:05,373 --> 00:23:07,742 Well, you were. You should have been here! 627 00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:11,479 Well, you know what I mean. 628 00:23:11,512 --> 00:23:13,147 Uh, Buddy and Sally are no pushovers. 629 00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,448 They were on the floor. 630 00:23:14,482 --> 00:23:15,416 Yeah, and Mel Cooley 631 00:23:15,449 --> 00:23:16,350 certainly wouldn't have asked you to audition 632 00:23:16,384 --> 00:23:18,686 for The Alan Brady Show if you weren't good. 633 00:23:18,719 --> 00:23:20,788 Yeah, but I, I was asleep. 634 00:23:20,821 --> 00:23:21,822 I just don't I don't think 635 00:23:21,856 --> 00:23:23,491 I could be that funny awake. 636 00:23:23,524 --> 00:23:24,825 I know you can. 637 00:23:24,859 --> 00:23:27,228 Look, Stace, there's a funny man somewhere 638 00:23:27,261 --> 00:23:28,763 asleep inside of you. 639 00:23:28,796 --> 00:23:30,231 You gotta try and help him get out 640 00:23:30,264 --> 00:23:31,632 where he can be seen. 641 00:23:31,665 --> 00:23:32,666 Now I'm going to set up that audition, 642 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,502 and you're gonna be great. 643 00:23:34,535 --> 00:23:36,404 Aw, you can set up the audition, but I don't know 644 00:23:36,437 --> 00:23:38,539 how you're gonna arrange for me to be great. 645 00:23:39,273 --> 00:23:40,708 Well, sometime between now and next week, 646 00:23:40,741 --> 00:23:43,377 we're gonna figure out a way for you to be great awake. 647 00:23:43,411 --> 00:23:44,812 Look, start playing that banjo. 648 00:23:46,313 --> 00:23:47,448 Okay. 649 00:23:47,481 --> 00:23:48,582 ( BANJO STRUMMING ) 650 00:23:48,616 --> 00:23:49,683 ( CLEARS THROAT ) 651 00:23:49,717 --> 00:23:52,086 ~ Wewellll... 652 00:23:52,686 --> 00:23:54,688 ~ Well, well, well. 653 00:23:54,722 --> 00:23:58,526 Hm, hm, this a, this 654 00:23:58,559 --> 00:24:01,328 a, psychiatrist walks in this pelican's office... 655 00:24:03,397 --> 00:24:05,699 ~ And, hello sun 656 00:24:05,733 --> 00:24:10,538 ~ Hello sunshine good goodbye rain ~ 657 00:24:10,571 --> 00:24:12,473 ~ I got... 658 00:24:13,507 --> 00:24:16,110 I don't think next week's gonna be soon enough. 659 00:24:27,688 --> 00:24:28,722 I hope you'll be with us 660 00:24:28,756 --> 00:24:29,757 next week when my brother 661 00:24:29,790 --> 00:24:30,891 wrestles with the problem 662 00:24:30,925 --> 00:24:31,759 of auditioning for a 663 00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:33,160 television show while he's 664 00:24:33,194 --> 00:24:34,128 wide awake. 665 00:24:35,596 --> 00:24:37,264 Well, well, well, well... 666 00:24:37,298 --> 00:24:39,633 I'll see you next week. 667 00:24:41,469 --> 00:24:43,471 ~ 46822

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