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ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show!
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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Eighteen,
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nineteen...
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( PHONE RINGING )
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twenty.
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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twenty-one.
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Hey, Sal, will you get that?
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Yeah, sure.
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Hello?
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Yeah, he's here. Just a minute.
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It's for you, Buddy.
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Thanks. Hello?
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Hello? Oh? It's for you, Rob.
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Thanks a lot, fellas.
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Hello. LAURA: Hi, honey.
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It is for me. Told you.
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Am I interrupting anything?
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Yeah, but what you're interrupting
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is highly interruptible.
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What is it, honey?
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Well, a telegram just arrived for you.
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All right, you have my permission
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to open it and read it.
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All righty...
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Well, what do you know.
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It's from your brother, Stacey.
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He says, "Arriving New York tonight on two-week furlough.
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Please secure hotel reservations for me.
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Would love to stay with you,
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but would be more comfortable in hotel.
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Understand, Burford?"
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Who's Burford?
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Uh, that's me, honey.
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It's a name he called me once in a while.
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Ah, well, anyway.
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"Dying to see Laura and meet my nephew.
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Love, Stacey." Isn't that wonderful?
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Oh, that's, that's uh, just great, honey.
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Look, can you fix up a bunch of barbecued ribs tonight?
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He loves ribs.
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He? Who he?
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Ribs it'll be.
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Oh, and I'll get your junk out of the den.
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Uh, honey, don't uh, bother about the den.
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I'll get him a hotel room.
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Him? Who's him?
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And is him married?
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Rob, I won't hear of it!
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He's the one relative of ours I'm really dying to know better.
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Honey, you gotta believe me. Don't fix up the den.
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My brother will be much happier in a nice hotel room.
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Your brother! Hey, I got an idea.
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I'll marry him, and he can stay with me.
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What did you say, honey?
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I said, I'm fixing up the den
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and I don't want to hear another word.
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One more word don't fix up the den.
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He'll stay in a hotel room.
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And that's final
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and I'll see you at the regular time.
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Bye.
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Burford...oh boy.
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Honey, I spoke to him.
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He said he'd rather stay in a hotel,
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now it's all settled.
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It's not settled, Rob. You're not going to win.
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Look, will you believe Stacey if he says he prefers a hotel?
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Why would he prefer a hotel?
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Because he's shy and retiring.
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He doesn't want to bother people.
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Well, all right. We'll discuss it when you get back.
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You better go. You'll be late.
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No, honey. I've got an hour before it lands.
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I'll be there 15 minutes early.
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Well, while you're waiting,
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don't go nibbling candy from those machines.
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I've got 10 pounds of wild looking ribs
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in that oven. Okay. You keep them wild.
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Both Stace and I will tame them.
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All right. Burford!
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Ouch!
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Is that a way to greet a brother?
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Stace, what are you doing here?
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I came to eat ribs, Burf.
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Well, come on in, uh, Stace.
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Hi there. Hi, Stacey.
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Stace, your plane wasn't due for an hour yet.
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Well, I took an earlier plane, Burf.
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Well, wwwhy, why, why did you...
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No, what difference does it make what plane he took?
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The point is he's here, and we ought to be telling him
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how happy we are to see him.
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Yeah, so somebody kiss me anybody.
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I remember from the wedding you're my sister-in-law,
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so you can kiss me.
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Aw, ha ha.
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How are you, Laura?
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Just fine, and welcome to New York, Stacey.
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Well, Burf, what do you want to do
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kiss, shake hands, hug, what, huh?
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Let's do them all how about that?
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Good to see you, Burf!
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How are you, you old beanstalk?
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Just fine, Stace. How are you?
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Rob, what's the matter with you?
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Nothing's the matter with me.
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He's acting like he's not happy to see you, Stacey,
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and he is.
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Oh, I know my brother Burf.
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He's acting that way because I'm acting this way.
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Ba doo, boo. ( LAUGHING )
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that didn't make any sense.
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Well we, uh, we Petries do that a lot.
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Righto, Burf.
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Listen, Stace how come you always call Rob Burford?
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Eh, he looks like a Burford, doesn't he?
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Yes, come to think of it?
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Oooh, smell them ribs! Hahaha.
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Say, Stace did you, uh,
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catch a nice nap on the plane?
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Sure did, Burf.
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I wanted to stay right on that plane and sleep.
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( CHUCKLES ) Well, we're glad you woke up.
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Who woke up I'm still asleep.
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( LAUGHS )
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Say, Stacey, would you like to lie down awhile?
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Oh, yes. And speaking of lying down,
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I want it understood right here and now
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that you're staying with us. No hotel.
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And I don't want to hear any arguments.
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Who's gonna argue?
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Then you will stay with us?
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Where else? Hey, Burf, how are you?
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Stacey, wouldn't you like to catch a nice nap
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and freshen up a little bit?
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Good, good.
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I want to do all those things nap, freshen up,
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and then lead me to them ribs!
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Go on, Stace.
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Did I kiss you hello?
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Yes, you did. All right.
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Did I shake hands with you? Yeah, you did.
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Good. I like to remember those things.
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( WHISTLING )
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Honey, I'll be back in a minute.
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I...I want to explain something.
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Yes, I thought you might.
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Honey, can you come in here a minute?
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Have you got a minute?
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Well, it's going to take you longer than that
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to explain your abominable behavior towards your brother.
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Honey, will you sit down just a minute?
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Didn't it seem to you
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that Stacey was acting a little strangely?
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No, he was acting like a fellow
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who was happy to see us.
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He was spirited, joyful, and bubbly.
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Right. Three things that Stacey ordinarily is not
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unless...
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Unless what?
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Well, honey, you're gonna find out sooner or later anyway.
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I might just as well tell you.
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My brother Stacey has a...problem.
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A problem? Yeah.
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He thought he had it licked, too,
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but it looks like he hasn't.
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Oh, Rob, no.
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Your brother is a drunkard!
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No, no, honey.
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No, he's not a drunkard.
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Uh, Stacey's a...a...
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A what?
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A somnambulist.
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A somnambulist?
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A sleepwalker?
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The best in the world.
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Well, I don't think I've ever seen a sleepwalker before.
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Oh, yes, you just saw a big demonstration by one.
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You mean that Stacey just now...
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Sound asleep.
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I don't believe it! How can you tell he's asleep?
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Well, you noticed Stacey wasn't wearing his glasses
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So?
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He always wears his glasses when he's awake.
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The only time he takes them off is when he's asleep
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and you heard him call me Burford
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Yeah.
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Well, when he's that way, he calls everybody Burford.
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Well, he seems so happy.
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That's the big clue.
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When he's awake, he's very shy, very retiring,
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but when he's asleep, he's friendly, outgoing.
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Are you asking me to believe that someone can be asleep
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and walk around and talk?
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You saw it with your own eyes.
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I just can't believe it's true.
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Well, it is.
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I looked it up in the encyclopedia
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and it lists all four kinds of somnambulism,
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and Stacey is the fourth type, the rarest.
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His is kind of akin to hypnotism.
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It's under somnambulism.
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I'm going to see this one myself.
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Well, then just around.
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Rob, what's he gonna do?
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He's gonna play golf if I don't stop him.
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Ahem, Stace... Say, where you going?
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Oh, hi ya, Burford. How about a little golf?
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We don't have the time now, Stace.
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We're gonna have dinner.
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Have I got...for... Just for nine holes?
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No. Wouldn't you rather finish your nap
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and freshen up and have dinner?
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Good idea, Burf.
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( WHISTLING )
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Stace...uh, why don't you sleep in the bed?
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Okay, uh, listen. Don't turn the water on.
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Convinced? Almost.
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What do you mean, almost?
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You just saw a beautiful demonstration
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of sleepwalking... And almost sleep golfing.
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Oh, my.
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Well, how will I be able to tell when he's awake?
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When he's wide awake,
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he's a totally different personality.
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He's very shy and reserved and introverted.
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Am I interrupting anything?
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Oh, no. Come on in, Stace.
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Hi, Rob. Hi.
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Hi, Laura.
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Hi, Stacey.
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We, uh, we met, didn't...
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Yes, we did.
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Yeah, I...I remember.
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Uh, Stacey, is your room all right?
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Oh, yeah. It's just, it's just fine, Laura,
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but I think, uh, it'd be better if I stayed in a hotel.
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Stacey, sit down a minute, please.
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Um, Rob told me everything.
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He did? Uh huh.
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Yes, and you're staying here with us.
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Well, that's, that's very nice of you, but I, I...
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Stace, when did the midnight strolls start again?
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Well, it was about a week ago, and it's funny
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because I haven't walked in my sleep since I was 14,
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back in Danville. Remember, Rob?
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Yeah, you mean when you got up and took the bus to Chicago?
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Yeah.
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You know we found him in a movie house,
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watching the Laurel and Hardy festival.
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Sat through it four times.
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When they came in to clean up the theater,
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there was Stace, slumped in a seat, sound asleep.
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Well, I thought he was asleep.
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Well, during the picture, I was awake/asleep.
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When they found me, I was asleep/asleep.
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I'm confused. I, I...
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00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:38,533
Yeah, so were the army doctors.
264
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,669
Just last week I got up in the middle of the night,
265
00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:41,937
and I grabbed my banjo...
266
00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:42,771
Your banjo?
267
00:09:42,804 --> 00:09:45,040
Yeah, and I ended up strumming Reveille
268
00:09:45,073 --> 00:09:47,542
over the loudspeaker at 3 A.M.
269
00:09:49,711 --> 00:09:51,313
Boy, they didn't like that.
270
00:09:52,914 --> 00:09:54,482
What do you think started it again?
271
00:09:54,516 --> 00:09:57,319
Well, the army doctors think I'm a little disturbed
272
00:09:57,352 --> 00:09:59,988
by the fact that I'm going to be discharged soon.
273
00:10:00,021 --> 00:10:01,823
Well, don't you want to leave the army?
274
00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:04,392
Oh, sure, sure I do.
275
00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:05,694
You don't sound very sure.
276
00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:06,995
No, I don't, do I?
277
00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:11,433
No, I, I know I'm sure, though...I think.
278
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:14,369
Stace, have you been thinking about what you want to do
279
00:10:14,402 --> 00:10:15,904
when you get out of the army?
280
00:10:15,937 --> 00:10:18,073
Well, you know, Rob, I've always,
281
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:20,875
I've always liked comedy, and I've been thinking
282
00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:25,313
well, that maybe I'd like to be a, a comedian.
283
00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:31,419
A comedian?
284
00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:37,859
Yeah. Around the barracks I, I, uh, cut up.
285
00:10:39,861 --> 00:10:43,798
And uh, and uh, the fellas laugh at me a lot.
286
00:10:44,899 --> 00:10:47,802
And I thought maybe that, uh, you could advise me.
287
00:10:47,836 --> 00:10:49,037
About what?
288
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:50,939
About being a comedian.
289
00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,342
Hm, well, uh, Stace,
290
00:10:54,376 --> 00:10:56,978
I'd be happy to give you my opinion.
291
00:10:57,012 --> 00:10:59,881
Uh, you want to show us what you do?
292
00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,916
Uh, right now? Well, yeah.
293
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,551
Have you got your banjo with you?
294
00:11:03,585 --> 00:11:05,787
Yeah, it, it's in my barracks bag there.
295
00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:06,988
Well, good. Go get it.
296
00:11:07,022 --> 00:11:09,357
Now? Rob: Sure, go ahead.
297
00:11:10,625 --> 00:11:11,926
( CHUCKLES ) Okay.
298
00:11:12,661 --> 00:11:14,629
Uh, it isn't much, though, I'll tell you.
299
00:11:14,663 --> 00:11:15,964
Go on and get it.
300
00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:17,599
All right. huh.
301
00:11:17,632 --> 00:11:19,434
You get a little out of tune in the barracks bag.
302
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,669
I'll probably have to...
303
00:11:25,674 --> 00:11:27,676
Aw, you really sure you want to hear me play?
304
00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:29,811
Of course we are! Sure we do!
305
00:11:29,844 --> 00:11:30,779
Well, I don't know.
306
00:11:30,812 --> 00:11:32,113
( CHUCKLES )
307
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:33,748
I'll tell you I'm a little nervous.
308
00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:35,583
Why be nervous we're your relatives.
309
00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:37,385
Yeah, but you're civilians.
310
00:11:38,553 --> 00:11:41,389
I never, I never played for anybody but soldiers before.
311
00:11:41,423 --> 00:11:42,390
Well, why don't you think of me
312
00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:43,725
as a former soldier.
313
00:11:43,758 --> 00:11:45,794
Okay, I'll try.
314
00:11:46,561 --> 00:11:47,896
( STRUMS BANJO )
315
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,365
~ Wwwwell, well, well ~
316
00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:55,637
~ Well, well, well ~
317
00:11:58,106 --> 00:12:00,008
That's a very funny opening for the act.
318
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,910
I haven't started yet, Rob.
319
00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:04,946
You see, my banjo's a little out of tune.
320
00:12:04,979 --> 00:12:07,015
It's...it had been in my barracks bag.
321
00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:08,583
Okay.
322
00:12:08,616 --> 00:12:09,684
( STRUMING BANJO )
323
00:12:09,718 --> 00:12:10,618
~ Well
324
00:12:10,652 --> 00:12:12,821
~ Hello hello sunshine
325
00:12:12,854 --> 00:12:18,026
~ Hello helloooo sunshine goodbye rain ~
326
00:12:18,059 --> 00:12:19,961
~ Guide my baby
327
00:12:19,994 --> 00:12:21,830
Is it all right if I sing really bad?
328
00:12:21,863 --> 00:12:22,897
Go ahead.
329
00:12:22,931 --> 00:12:24,532
Okay, yeah, but this is where I tell the jokes.
330
00:12:24,566 --> 00:12:26,201
Oh, go ahead and tell a joke then.
331
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:29,771
( STRUMMING BANJO ) ~ Hmm, hmm, hmm,
332
00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:34,642
Doo, doo, hmm, doo.
333
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:39,814
Uh, this is a, this is a story about a fella that hmm
334
00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:42,617
( STRUMMING BANJO ) hmm,
335
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:44,853
this a, a fella goes into a,
336
00:12:44,886 --> 00:12:47,655
he goes up to this uh, guy on the street, hmm
337
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,924
( STRUMMING BANJO )
338
00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:51,659
and he says can you give me fif
339
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:54,729
uh, teen cen fifteen cents for a sandwich?
340
00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:56,531
And the guy said, uhhm
341
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:58,700
( STRUMMING BANJO )
342
00:13:01,002 --> 00:13:02,771
and he says, "I'll give you" sure
343
00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:06,508
he says, "I'll give you 15 cents for a sandwich, but uh, hmm
344
00:13:06,541 --> 00:13:08,510
( STRUMMING BANJO )
345
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,781
I'll get the uh, that's no good.
346
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,116
I'll tell it.
347
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,552
Oh, this is a good one. I just heard this.
348
00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:20,755
Hmm, duh, this uh, this is a guy, he takes a pair--
349
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:23,024
I play the music right through the--
350
00:13:23,057 --> 00:13:24,692
while I'm telling the jokes.
351
00:13:24,726 --> 00:13:25,860
I keep it going.
352
00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:27,629
( HUMMING ) Hmm,
353
00:13:27,662 --> 00:13:31,232
this guy goes into a, a, psychiatrist's office,
354
00:13:31,266 --> 00:13:34,135
and, and, and he says, uh,
355
00:13:34,169 --> 00:13:35,937
and he's the guy's all orange
356
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:39,607
and, and purple all over, and he goes and, hmm
357
00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:43,111
a psychia-- and he says, and,
358
00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:45,146
and he's got a pelican on his head
359
00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:49,818
uh, I'm not doing very well, am I?
360
00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:53,121
Well, no, Stace, I, uh, wouldn't say that.
361
00:13:53,154 --> 00:13:54,289
It's, it's just that, uh--
362
00:13:54,322 --> 00:13:56,057
it's just that I'm no good.
363
00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:58,893
Well, no. I, I think, uh, ahem, that uh,
364
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,196
you need a little extra polish
365
00:14:01,229 --> 00:14:05,266
and a little experience, but, uh, all newcomers need that.
366
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,136
You don't think I'm ready to audition for anybody yet,
367
00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:09,571
do you, Rob?
368
00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:13,107
Ahem, well, uh, let me say this
369
00:14:13,141 --> 00:14:15,009
uh, I do think you need that,
370
00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:17,612
that little uh, extra bit of polish.
371
00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:19,881
Yeah. I guess so.
372
00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:23,318
Hey, it's getting late.
373
00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:24,886
Boy, we better attack those ribs
374
00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:26,688
before the gang gets here.
375
00:14:26,721 --> 00:14:27,555
What gang?
376
00:14:27,589 --> 00:14:29,023
Oh, I invited a few of the neighbors
377
00:14:29,057 --> 00:14:30,692
and some of the guys from the office over.
378
00:14:30,725 --> 00:14:31,893
I thought you might like to meet them.
379
00:14:31,926 --> 00:14:33,862
Oh, gee. I'm a little tired, Rob.
380
00:14:33,895 --> 00:14:35,964
Will I have time to grab a nap first?
381
00:14:35,997 --> 00:14:37,732
But, Stacey, you just had a nap.
382
00:14:37,765 --> 00:14:39,167
I, I get more rest when I'm awake
383
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,835
than those kind of naps.
384
00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:44,572
Hey, I better, I better go get dressed.
385
00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:46,241
Uh, I, I won't, I won't be long.
386
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:47,275
Okay, Stace.
387
00:14:47,308 --> 00:14:48,209
Get a little more polish.
388
00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:50,078
That's what I need if it get some polish
389
00:14:50,111 --> 00:14:52,080
and smooth this out a little bit...
390
00:14:54,082 --> 00:14:56,084
( APPLAUSE )
391
00:14:57,852 --> 00:14:59,020
What are you thinking, Rob?
392
00:14:59,053 --> 00:15:00,188
I'm trying to think of some other business
393
00:15:00,221 --> 00:15:01,890
my brother can go into.
394
00:15:04,092 --> 00:15:05,293
He's not very funny.
395
00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:07,562
He was funnier asleep.
396
00:15:08,263 --> 00:15:10,798
Not much demand for a sleeping comedian.
397
00:15:11,299 --> 00:15:12,934
Let's go baste the ribs.
398
00:15:12,967 --> 00:15:14,235
( BANJO MUSIC )
399
00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:16,237
STACEY: Hmm, banjo.
400
00:15:17,705 --> 00:15:19,874
And the pelican goes, ahuhm.
401
00:15:19,908 --> 00:15:22,010
( BANJO MUSIC )
402
00:15:28,749 --> 00:15:29,483
SALLY: Hey, Rob.
403
00:15:29,517 --> 00:15:30,484
I've been here for 37 minutes,
404
00:15:30,518 --> 00:15:32,653
and I still haven't met the guest of honor.
405
00:15:32,686 --> 00:15:33,821
I don't think you have a brother
406
00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,189
what do you think of that? Sal, I told you,
407
00:15:35,222 --> 00:15:36,357
he's just knocked off from his trip
408
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:37,625
he's catching a few winks.
409
00:15:37,658 --> 00:15:39,493
Well, he's missing a few winks.
410
00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:41,829
Come on, get him up I want to flirt a little.
411
00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:42,863
( CHUCKLES ) Now just calm down.
412
00:15:42,897 --> 00:15:45,466
I told you he's already engaged, and he's very shy.
413
00:15:45,499 --> 00:15:46,534
Shyer than you?
414
00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:47,301
Oh, yeah.
415
00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:48,869
Well, how did he get engaged?
416
00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:50,371
She asked him!
417
00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:52,239
Listen, darling,
418
00:15:52,273 --> 00:15:53,073
don't you think you ought to wake Stacey up now?
419
00:15:53,107 --> 00:15:54,575
After all, the party is in his honor.
420
00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:55,876
Yeah, good idea.
421
00:15:56,510 --> 00:16:00,581
( BANJO MUSIC ) ~ Hello sunshine...
422
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:04,285
Party!
423
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,489
Oh, hello there. How about a little twist?
424
00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:11,392
Come on shut her motor off.
425
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,894
Oh, who's this?
426
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:14,962
I'm Mel Cooley.
427
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:16,497
He's, he's the producer of The Alan Brady Show.
428
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,232
Mel, this is my brother, Stacey Petrie.
429
00:16:18,265 --> 00:16:20,935
How do you do, Mel? Love your show.
430
00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:21,869
Well, thank you, thank you.
431
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:24,271
If I ever need a producer, you're my man.
432
00:16:24,305 --> 00:16:25,306
How much you make a week?
433
00:16:25,339 --> 00:16:26,240
How much do I make a week?
434
00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:27,341
I'll tell you, I'll give you twice that,
435
00:16:27,374 --> 00:16:29,210
throw in a trip to Europe, and a new pair of pants
436
00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:30,444
what do you say to that?
437
00:16:31,579 --> 00:16:33,414
Well, Mr. Petrie, you're, you're very generous.
438
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,349
Yeah, I'm also sound asleep.
439
00:16:36,484 --> 00:16:38,486
Yep, he's Rob's brother, all right.
440
00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:41,722
Oh, who's the nice blonde lady?
441
00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:43,791
So, this is your shy brother, huh?
442
00:16:43,824 --> 00:16:45,960
Well, Sal, he doesn't, he doesn't do this all the time
443
00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:48,195
he's just putting it on... Because--
444
00:16:48,229 --> 00:16:49,363
oh, that's because he doesn't want anyone to know
445
00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,664
how shy he is.
446
00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:51,932
Oh, I'm shy, all right.
447
00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:54,468
My whole body's shy. Only my mouth is outspoken.
448
00:16:54,502 --> 00:16:55,669
( LAUGHTER )
449
00:16:56,604 --> 00:16:58,539
Uh, this is, this is Sally Rogers.
450
00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:00,508
He's very tired from his trip, Sal.
451
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,942
Don't you want to lie down awhile, Stace?
452
00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,711
Sure, but first I want to kiss her hand.
453
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:04,712
Well, after your nap. Well, now, Rob.
454
00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,847
How long could it take to kiss a lady's hand?
455
00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,449
Go ahead, kid, live.
456
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,683
Oh, look at this. Five fingers,
457
00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:11,485
one for each fingernail.
458
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,322
Okay, Stace, nappy time.
459
00:17:15,356 --> 00:17:16,757
Okay, but first I have a request.
460
00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:18,859
Well, after your nap Rob, what's with this napping?
461
00:17:18,893 --> 00:17:21,562
He looks like he could use a nice run around the block.
462
00:17:21,595 --> 00:17:23,430
( CHUCKLES ) Yes, that's how we Petries act
463
00:17:23,464 --> 00:17:24,832
when we're overtired.
464
00:17:25,432 --> 00:17:26,367
Okay, let's go, Stace.
465
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,869
Oh, who's this fine looking man right here?
466
00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:29,837
Fine looking?
467
00:17:29,870 --> 00:17:30,938
Must be something wrong with his eyesight.
468
00:17:30,971 --> 00:17:33,407
Guess it's the army food, Rob not enough carrots.
469
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,842
( LAUGHS ) Haha. Don't tell me
470
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,877
it's Buddy Sorrell, the human joke machine.
471
00:17:36,911 --> 00:17:38,546
Tada! How do you do, buddy?
472
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,614
Hi ya. The subject is birds.
473
00:17:40,648 --> 00:17:43,017
Birds, birds you know why a hummingbird hums?
474
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:43,717
No, what?
475
00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:45,352
'cause he don't know the words.
476
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:48,889
I like it!
477
00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,925
I want to meet more people like him.
478
00:17:50,958 --> 00:17:52,626
Where's the lady with the hand?
479
00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,361
Oh, try this one hahaha.
480
00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:57,264
Say, Stacey, don't you want to go to your room?
481
00:17:57,298 --> 00:17:58,732
Good idea, Burf!
482
00:17:58,766 --> 00:18:01,435
Okay, everybody to my room!
483
00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:03,237
( LAUGHTER )
484
00:18:03,904 --> 00:18:05,306
We'll have a little entertainment.
485
00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:06,307
No, we're not...
486
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:07,975
( APPLAUSE )
487
00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:12,947
~ Yeah hello sunshine goodbye rain... ~
488
00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:19,787
In my room. Let's go!
489
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,622
( LAUGHTER )
490
00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:23,691
who stole my bed?
491
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:35,402
Heh, folks, I'd like to present to you
492
00:18:35,436 --> 00:18:37,071
my little brother, Stacey Petrie.
493
00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:39,273
( APPLAUSE )
494
00:18:40,074 --> 00:18:41,842
Good evening, folks.
495
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,410
Aw... What's the matter?
496
00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,312
I forgot my banjo pick.
497
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,049
Everybody talk to each other. You get on the stool, Burf.
498
00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:50,818
I'll be right back, okay?
499
00:18:51,051 --> 00:18:52,319
The stool for you.
500
00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:53,420
He's going to entertain.
501
00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:55,356
I don't know, I've never seen his act.
502
00:18:56,991 --> 00:18:58,025
Rob, what are you going to do?
503
00:18:58,058 --> 00:18:59,593
Honey, I tried to wake him up.
504
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:01,495
He's not going to wake up until he's ready.
505
00:19:01,528 --> 00:19:02,763
I even pinched him.
506
00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:03,897
You know what he said to me?
507
00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:05,466
He said, "Please let me perform.
508
00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:07,568
I know I could be funny." Honey, he begged me.
509
00:19:07,601 --> 00:19:09,103
But darling, is it a good idea to let him perform
510
00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:11,372
in front of all these people asleep?
511
00:19:11,405 --> 00:19:12,239
How should I know, honey?
512
00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:13,807
Maybe if he would be successful tonight,
513
00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:15,376
he'll get the confidence to perform
514
00:19:15,409 --> 00:19:16,777
when he's wide awake.
515
00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:18,879
Okay, folks, here I am.
516
00:19:18,912 --> 00:19:20,447
( APPLAUSE )
517
00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:21,915
Okay, everybody over here, up to the stage.
518
00:19:21,949 --> 00:19:23,117
Come on over to the stage.
519
00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:25,386
Gather 'round, make a circle.
520
00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:26,854
It's showtime!
521
00:19:26,887 --> 00:19:28,088
Hahaha.
522
00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,857
Okay, folks. Get around there,
523
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:30,958
and I'll tune up a little bit.
524
00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:32,393
( BANJO STRUMMING ) Gotta get it
525
00:19:32,426 --> 00:19:34,061
let me have an 'r', Burf.
526
00:19:34,094 --> 00:19:35,462
That's good.
527
00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:38,766
I only said that for a joke there ain't no "r".
528
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,834
Is there?
529
00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,736
( LAUGHTER )
530
00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:44,071
All right, folks, what would you like to hear?
531
00:19:44,104 --> 00:19:45,973
How about, uh, how about Stardust?
532
00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:47,708
Oh, that's a good I don't know that.
533
00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:49,777
You know any Italian numbers?
534
00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:52,780
Oh, I know that. How about Napoli 486182?
535
00:19:53,914 --> 00:19:55,983
SALLY: He's very shy, isn't he?
536
00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:57,918
Listen, why don't you do one of your favorites?
537
00:19:57,951 --> 00:20:00,921
I don't have any favorites. I hate banjo music.
538
00:20:01,989 --> 00:20:03,557
What do you want to hear, Mr. Burford?
539
00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:04,925
How, how about something classical?
540
00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:05,993
Good enough something classical.
541
00:20:06,026 --> 00:20:09,096
How about the uh, Hungarian Rhapsody by Goulash?
542
00:20:09,129 --> 00:20:10,531
Oh, goulash is a stew.
543
00:20:10,564 --> 00:20:11,732
Oh, I don't care how much he drinks.
544
00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:13,133
He writes good music.
545
00:20:15,969 --> 00:20:18,072
Okay, something classical for Mr. Burford.
546
00:20:18,105 --> 00:20:20,140
( BANJO STRUMMING )
547
00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:23,410
~ Hello sunshine goodbye rain
548
00:20:23,444 --> 00:20:25,079
~ Got my baby back
549
00:20:25,112 --> 00:20:26,613
Hear it, Burf?
550
00:20:28,082 --> 00:20:29,683
Aw, I'll tone it down a little bit.
551
00:20:29,983 --> 00:20:30,918
I don't want to drown out my voice.
552
00:20:30,951 --> 00:20:32,152
I sing pretty good.
553
00:20:32,986 --> 00:20:33,954
There we go.
554
00:20:33,987 --> 00:20:34,855
That ought to be better... ( BANJO STRUMMING )
555
00:20:34,888 --> 00:20:38,859
~ Well hello sunshine goodbye rain ~
556
00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:41,595
~ Got my baby back again
557
00:20:41,628 --> 00:20:42,930
Everybody clap.
558
00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,865
( CLAPPING )
559
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:45,866
( STRUMMING BANJO )
560
00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:47,468
That's good.
561
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:48,869
Thank you for the applause.
562
00:20:51,572 --> 00:20:52,973
And now for my encore...
563
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:55,476
( laughing )
564
00:20:55,509 --> 00:20:57,511
I'm killing 'em, ain't I, Burf?
565
00:20:57,911 --> 00:21:01,615
~ Hello roses hello June hello ~
566
00:21:01,648 --> 00:21:02,716
Or as General Custer said, he said,
567
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:03,717
"I don't know what's the matter with them Indians.
568
00:21:03,751 --> 00:21:05,853
They were all right at the dance last night."
569
00:21:05,886 --> 00:21:08,021
( LAUGHTER )
570
00:21:08,956 --> 00:21:11,759
~ Hello roses hello dew
571
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:12,993
~ Hello blue
572
00:21:13,026 --> 00:21:14,795
The fella that crossed a parrot with a tiger to match that
573
00:21:14,828 --> 00:21:15,763
what did you get?
574
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:16,764
He said, "I don't know, but when he talks,
575
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:18,599
you better listen."
576
00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:23,137
A fella walks into a psychiatrist's office,
577
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:25,739
and he's all orange and blue and purple and green all over,
578
00:21:25,773 --> 00:21:26,907
and he's got a pelican on his head,
579
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,609
and the pelican has a fish in his mouth
580
00:21:28,642 --> 00:21:29,877
and he walked up to the psychiatrist,
581
00:21:29,910 --> 00:21:31,678
and the pelican says, "Say, can you tell me
582
00:21:31,712 --> 00:21:33,747
how I can get this guy out from under my feet?"
583
00:21:36,884 --> 00:21:38,852
It's alright, Burf. It's part of the act.
584
00:21:39,853 --> 00:21:41,822
It's a wonder I didn't wake up, huh?
585
00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:43,190
Big Benny's.
586
00:21:43,223 --> 00:21:44,925
~ Hello hello sunshine
587
00:21:44,958 --> 00:21:47,828
~ Goodbye rain
588
00:21:49,596 --> 00:21:50,798
( APPLAUSE )
589
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:01,942
MEL: Young man, you were just great,
590
00:22:01,975 --> 00:22:03,143
and I want you to audition--
591
00:22:03,177 --> 00:22:04,645
Oh, oh I think he's fainted.
592
00:22:04,678 --> 00:22:07,047
Well, uh, no, he's, he's just as asleep, Mel.
593
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,849
Well, how could he be asleep so fast?
594
00:22:08,882 --> 00:22:10,784
Well, he does that. He's a very fast sleeper.
595
00:22:10,818 --> 00:22:12,619
He had a hard day today.
596
00:22:12,653 --> 00:22:14,154
Yeah, well, wake him up I want to talk to him.
597
00:22:14,188 --> 00:22:15,289
No, don't, don't wake him up.
598
00:22:15,322 --> 00:22:17,758
Uh, you don't wake up a soldier on furlough, hehheh.
599
00:22:17,791 --> 00:22:19,526
Well, when he wakes up, you tell him that I...
600
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,994
Shh! Shh!
601
00:22:21,028 --> 00:22:22,062
Oh.
602
00:22:22,729 --> 00:22:23,463
( WHISPERING ) When he wakes up,
603
00:22:23,497 --> 00:22:24,698
you tell him that I'd like him
604
00:22:24,731 --> 00:22:25,766
to audition for The Alan Brady Show.
605
00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,167
( WHISPERING ) Yeah, I'll tell him when he wakes up.
606
00:22:27,201 --> 00:22:28,602
Yeah.
607
00:22:28,902 --> 00:22:29,770
( WHISPERING ) Hey, Rob.
608
00:22:29,803 --> 00:22:31,138
Is the party over? ( WHISPERING ) Yes.
609
00:22:31,171 --> 00:22:32,806
( WHISPERING ) I thought so.
610
00:22:35,976 --> 00:22:37,644
( WHISPERING ) Rob, will you tell Stacey
611
00:22:37,678 --> 00:22:38,879
he was just great? Just wonderful!
612
00:22:38,912 --> 00:22:39,813
Fine, I'll tell him ( INDISTINCT ).
613
00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:41,715
( WHISPERING ) and I'll see you tomorrow.
614
00:22:41,748 --> 00:22:43,150
( WHISPERING ) Laura, it was a wonderful party.
615
00:22:43,183 --> 00:22:44,751
MEL: We had a marvelous evening.
616
00:22:44,785 --> 00:22:46,019
Shh! Shh!
617
00:22:49,623 --> 00:22:50,725
Honestly, Stace, you gotta believe me.
618
00:22:50,758 --> 00:22:52,660
You were absolutely great.
619
00:22:52,693 --> 00:22:54,328
Look, have I ever lied to you?
620
00:22:54,362 --> 00:22:57,231
Yeah. I mean, since we're adults.
621
00:22:57,264 --> 00:22:58,733
STACEY: Oh, no. Well, I just want to tell you,
622
00:22:58,766 --> 00:23:00,634
you, you're responsible for one of the nicest evenings
623
00:23:00,668 --> 00:23:02,269
we ever had in this house. Right, honey?
624
00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:03,237
Right.
625
00:23:03,270 --> 00:23:05,339
Yeah, I just can't believe I was that funny.
626
00:23:05,373 --> 00:23:07,742
Well, you were. You should have been here!
627
00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:11,479
Well, you know what I mean.
628
00:23:11,512 --> 00:23:13,147
Uh, Buddy and Sally are no pushovers.
629
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,448
They were on the floor.
630
00:23:14,482 --> 00:23:15,416
Yeah, and Mel Cooley
631
00:23:15,449 --> 00:23:16,350
certainly wouldn't have asked you to audition
632
00:23:16,384 --> 00:23:18,686
for The Alan Brady Show if you weren't good.
633
00:23:18,719 --> 00:23:20,788
Yeah, but I, I was asleep.
634
00:23:20,821 --> 00:23:21,822
I just don't I don't think
635
00:23:21,856 --> 00:23:23,491
I could be that funny awake.
636
00:23:23,524 --> 00:23:24,825
I know you can.
637
00:23:24,859 --> 00:23:27,228
Look, Stace, there's a funny man somewhere
638
00:23:27,261 --> 00:23:28,763
asleep inside of you.
639
00:23:28,796 --> 00:23:30,231
You gotta try and help him get out
640
00:23:30,264 --> 00:23:31,632
where he can be seen.
641
00:23:31,665 --> 00:23:32,666
Now I'm going to set up that audition,
642
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,502
and you're gonna be great.
643
00:23:34,535 --> 00:23:36,404
Aw, you can set up the audition, but I don't know
644
00:23:36,437 --> 00:23:38,539
how you're gonna arrange for me to be great.
645
00:23:39,273 --> 00:23:40,708
Well, sometime between now and next week,
646
00:23:40,741 --> 00:23:43,377
we're gonna figure out a way for you to be great awake.
647
00:23:43,411 --> 00:23:44,812
Look, start playing that banjo.
648
00:23:46,313 --> 00:23:47,448
Okay.
649
00:23:47,481 --> 00:23:48,582
( BANJO STRUMMING )
650
00:23:48,616 --> 00:23:49,683
( CLEARS THROAT )
651
00:23:49,717 --> 00:23:52,086
~ Wewellll...
652
00:23:52,686 --> 00:23:54,688
~ Well, well, well.
653
00:23:54,722 --> 00:23:58,526
Hm, hm, this a, this
654
00:23:58,559 --> 00:24:01,328
a, psychiatrist walks in this pelican's office...
655
00:24:03,397 --> 00:24:05,699
~ And, hello sun
656
00:24:05,733 --> 00:24:10,538
~ Hello sunshine good goodbye rain ~
657
00:24:10,571 --> 00:24:12,473
~ I got...
658
00:24:13,507 --> 00:24:16,110
I don't think next week's gonna be soon enough.
659
00:24:27,688 --> 00:24:28,722
I hope you'll be with us
660
00:24:28,756 --> 00:24:29,757
next week when my brother
661
00:24:29,790 --> 00:24:30,891
wrestles with the problem
662
00:24:30,925 --> 00:24:31,759
of auditioning for a
663
00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:33,160
television show while he's
664
00:24:33,194 --> 00:24:34,128
wide awake.
665
00:24:35,596 --> 00:24:37,264
Well, well, well, well...
666
00:24:37,298 --> 00:24:39,633
I'll see you next week.
667
00:24:41,469 --> 00:24:43,471
~
46822
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