All language subtitles for The Dick Van Dyke Show - 01x23 - The Twizzle

ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."

( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )

And that's what you'll get every time you sneak up on me.

You promise? Promise.

All right, I'll keep sneaking up,

you keep doing that thing you do.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

How do you like that?

Married all these years, I still hear bells when we kiss.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

I wonder who that could be?

Probably your mother and she doesn't like us

smooching in the living room.

Rob, don't do that!

Rob, you know I hate spiders.

Don't!

Sally, what are you doing here?

Well, why don't you say something nice,

like, "won't you sit down?"

Maybe I'll tell you. Hi, Rob.

Hi, Sal. Won't you sit down?

No thanks, I haven't got time.

You sit over here. You sit over here, Rob.

I got a big surprise.

Now, don't move.

All right. What?

See, you moved.

Oh, sorry.

Rob, Laura, I'd like you to meet a young singer

whose name, with a little help from us,

will soon become a household word.

I want you to meet Randy Twizzle.

How do you do?

Won't you sit down, Mr. Tizzle?

No, no, Twizzle. Randy Twizzle.

Twizzle? Yeah.

Randy Twizzle? Yeah.

It's kind of an unusual name,

isn't it, Randy?

Oh, well, Randy Twizzle isn't his real name.

He changed it from Randolph Eisenbauer.

Eisenhower?

No, no, not Eisenhower, Eisenbauer.

Oh, bauer with a "b."

Yeah, one letter kept them out of the white house.

Well, those are the breaks.

Ha, ha, ha.

You say Randy is a singer?

Wait 'til you hear.

I went up to Connecticut this morning

to visit my aunt Agnes.

You remember her, Rob?

She's the one who says,

"it is wise for a poor man to choose the weather

but it's folly for a rich man to choose a poor man."

Don't try to figure it out.

My aunt Agnes was born on a hill.

Anyway, after dinner,

Aunt Agnes and I went to this new,

oh, I don't know what you call it,

it's sort of a dancehall,

ice cream parlor, shoe rental place.

They rent shoes?

A quarter a pair. Bowling shoes.

You see, it's really a bowling alley

but nobody bowls,

everybody's doing the twizzle.

The twizzle?

Yes, a new dance.

I never heard of it. What's it like?

Well, actually, it's not very original.

It's sort of a combination of the twist and the sizzle.

What's the sizzle?

Well, that's the part he invented.

Come on, Randy, show 'em.

I can't really do it.

Why not?

I forgot my bowling shoes.

I forgot all about that.

Now, wait a minute, you're trying to tell me

that you've invented a new dance craze

and you have to wear bowling shoes?

Rob, all I know, it's a new something

and people are crazy about it when they do it

and he invented it

and I think we ought to get him

on "The Alan Brady Show" right away.

Now, how do you set out to invent a new dance craze?

I didn't, I set out to buy a hamburger.

Well, that sounds logical.

Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em.

Well, I was at the bowling alley and I...

He was at the bowling alley, right?

And I went up to the lunch counter to buy a hamburger.

Now you get the drama of this.

He went up to the lunch counter to get a hamburger.

You got this? The jukebox was going.

The jukebox was going, everybody do the twizzle.

And the hamburger was sizzling.

And the hamburger's zzzzz.

I don't know, I started tapping my foot.

He started tapping his foot like this.

Go, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em.

I didn't even know it, I started ad libbing lyrics

and I'm moving.

I guess I was reacting to the beat.

Yeah, and some of the kids at the lunch counter

started singing, "go, go!"

And he goes, everybody, do the twizzle.

Gotta go, gotta, gotta, gotta go, see?

I got to admit, Sal, this guy is great.

Hey, Randy, are you really that good?

Rob, to come up and tell you about all this,

I gave up a date with an unmarried accountant

whose mother likes me.

Oh, well, you must be fantastic.

Fantastic.

Listen, Rob, all I can say is that people don't bowl anymore.

They just rent shoes and they twizzle.

Why do they rent shoes if they don't bowl?

Well, the owner doesn't want to get

his alleys all scratched up.

This whole twizzle thing is pretty silly.

I really don't know why you'd want me

to sing it on your show.

Come on, now, Randy, no more of that kind of talk.

Rob, how do you like this?

I had to beg this kid to come up here.

He's not sure he wants to sing on television.

It's not that I don't want to sing on television.

It's this twizzle just isn't very much.

Not very much.

Rob, if we don't get Alan to sign Randy immediately,

he'll end up on some other show and we'll hate ourselves.

Oh, well, then sign him.

There's too much hatred in the world already.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Oops, that'll be Buddy or Mel.

As long as your house was on the way,

I told him to rally here.

Hope you don't mind.

Oh, no. I certainly love a good rally.

Hi, bud! Hi, Sal.

Well, I got the bowling shoes.

Why waste time? Let's twizzle.

No, no, not yet, not yet.

Randy, this is Buddy Sorrell, one of the writers of the show.

Hi, there. Randy Twizzle.

Wow, look at the size of this kid.

If he fell down, he'd be out of town.

Hey, Rob, have you seen it yet?

No, I haven't.

And if it was anybody else but Sally,

I'd say the whole thing was a big hoax.

Sally, is this a hoax?

Was the twist a hoax?

Yeah. This is the same kind.

I like that twist, boy.

It's like putting your pajamas on in an upper berth.

( DOORBELL RINGS ) That'll be Mel.

Oh, this is gonna be a thrill.

Hi, Mel. Sally.

I hope you didn't get me up here

on a wild goose chase.

I want you to know you disturbed my dinner.

We're even. You just disturbed mine.

Good evening, Rob. Hi, Mel.

Laura.

Mel, here's your chance to become a big producer.

I want you to meet America's newest singing sensation,

Randy Twizzle.

Gee, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cooley .

Yes.

Why did I have to come all the way up here

to meet Mr. Twizzle?

Because I wanted you to see him in action.

Here?

No, at the bowling alley.

I have a feeling someone's pulling my leg.

Maybe your garter belt's too tight.

Mel, it seems that the twizzle can only be demonstrated

in its natural habitat,

namely a bowling alley in Greentown, Connecticut.

That's right, Rob.

Now, come on, what do you say? We go? Come on.

Young man, I gave up my dessert

and my weekly Spanish lesson for you.

This twizzle better be good.

It's really nothing.

Oh, what do you know, Randy?

You're only 18.

Look, I tell you, it's great.

People are gonna go crazy.

Now, come on. We all go in one car?

Wait a minute, I'm not riding with Goldilocks here.

Why?

Not when I'm wearing my best sports jacket.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

He'd get it all hairy, his head sheds.

I'll follow in my car, alone.

Yuk!

I guess, I'll go in my car, too, by myself.

I like to catch up on a nap when I'm drivin'.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

Hey, Randy. Hey!

Hey, Randy, come and have a ( INDISTINCT ).

( CHEERING )

I'd like to dedicate this twizzle

to the writing and the production staff

of "The Alan Brady Show."

( CHEERING )

All right now,

fasten your bones and let's twizzle.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

~ Everybody starting doing the twizzle ~

~ Everybody if you're ready to sizzle ~

~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And when you really get hot

~ That's the twizzle

~ Baby the twizzle

~ Baby the twizzle

~ When you twizzle

~ You're taking your body and rollin' it ~

~ When you twizzle

~ You can never control it

~ You let your body get away from you ~

You don't know what it will do ~

~ When you twizzle

~ When you twizzle

~ When you twizzle

~ When you when you twizzle high ~

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Then you twizzle low

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Come on and baby then you twizzle to ~

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Then you twizzle fro

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Oh twizzle left

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Come on and baby then you twizzle right ~

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Then you twizzle strong

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Then you twizzle light

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Everybody now you're doing the twizzle ~

~ Everybody you're beginning to sizzle ~

~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And now let's really get hot ~

~ Yeah let's twizzle

~ When you twizzle

~ When you twizzle

~ When you when you

~ When you when you--

( CHEERING )

Come on, Mr. Cooley , try it.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

~ Twizzle high

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle low

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle to

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle fro

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle left

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~Twizzle right

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle strong

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle light

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Everybody now you're doing the twizzle ~

~ Everybody you're beginning to sizzle ~

~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And now let's really get hot

~ And let's twizzle

~ Baby you (twizzle) ~

~ Baby you (twizzle) ~

~ Baby baby you

~ Baby you (twizzle) ~

~ Baby you (twizzle) ~

~ Baby you (twizzle) ~

~ Baby baby you

~ Baby you ...twizzle! ~

( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )

Young man, you're going to do the twizzle

on our TV show next week.

( CHEERING )

Wow, Randy, what do you say to that?

I don't know what to say.

Try saying "wow."

Wow.

Well, I must say you don't sound very enthused.

It's just that I never expected

it would happen this way.

Well, what's the difference what way it happens?

Randy, you're gonna do the twizzle on television.

You better find some more songs like that

because I got a hint you're gonna beat the jackpot.

More songs like the twizzle?

Yeah. But this was an accident.

I think-- don't think, sing!

Come on--

( CHEERING )

One more time, one more time!

( MUSIC PLAYING )

Come on, honey, twizzle.

Well, you know, he doesn't sound like a kid

who's just been given an opportunity

to sing on television.

He looks numb, and wouldn't you be?

Well, yeah, I'd be numb and happy.

Well, he's happy. Come on, twizzle.

~ ... beginning to sizzle

~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And when you really get hot

~ That's the twizzle

~ Baby the twizzle

~ Baby the twizzle

~ Twizzle left

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle right

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle high

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Twizzle low

~ Three four five six seven eight ~

~ Everybody starting doing the twizzle ~

~ Everybody you're beginning to sizzle ~

TOGETHER: ~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And now let's really get hot ~

Is this what you do all day?

No. no, no,

sometimes I do the cha-cha.

Oh.

Rob? Yes?

Would you do me a favor? - Sure, honey.

Would you grab me and stop me

so I can finish setting the table?

Oh, honey, well, calm down.

You had me--

I think I'll be all right now.

Okay? Yes, thank you.

Hi, daddy.

Hi, Rich.

What'd you bring me?

What did you ask me for this morning?

Bowling shoes.

Bowling shoes, that's right.

Hey, Rich, will you settle for shoelaces?

That boy's gonna have problems.

Why? Well, he settles too fast.

Maybe he just loves shoelaces.

What were you doing with shoelaces, anyway?

Oh, they had a sale on 'em today.

You want-- hey, you want some more?

Thank you.

Well, yes, they'll come in handy.

There.

What are you doing?

Party favors for the dinner guests.

How did things go in rehearsal today?

Is Randy Twizzle gonna take the nation by storm?

Oh, rehearsals went fine.

Randy is just great.

But you know something?

He is still just as nervous as a cat.

Well, making a debut on television

isn't exactly a calming experience.

Oh, true.

Rob, did you drink out of that glass?

Well, shouldn't I have? No, that was Sally's water.

This is your water.

Huh?

That's my water all right.

All right, all right, you made the joke,

you wash the glass.

Yeah, okay.

( PHONE RINGS )

All right, you answer. I'll wash.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Neither of us washes, we both answer.

Hello?

Hi, Mel.

What?

Mel, you're talking so fast I can't understand you.

Chicken paprikash and wild rice.

Leg of lamb and roast potatoes.

Baked lasagna.

BOTH TOGETHER: Told you.

Oh, boy.

I'd say there was trouble.

Trouble? What? What trouble?

No, I haven't seen Randy, Mel.

When did he tell you that?

Mel, just calm down.

Have either one of you guys seen Randy?

TOGETHER: No, I haven't seen Randy since this morning.

Why?

Trouble. Trouble?

No, Mel, look, nobody has seen Randy.

Well, I'll just call you when I hear anything.

All right. Bye.

LAURA: Darling, what was that all about?

Well, Mel says it looks like our Randy Twizzle

is in the process of committing a hold-up.

A hold-up?

Yeah.

He said a man came to the studio this afternoon,

talked to Randy and right after that,

Randy said to Mel

that he didn't think he'd be able to do the show.

And Mel thinks a money-hungry agent's gotten a hold of him.

Ah, no, I don't think Randy would walk off the show.

I do. Why?

I don't know, I like to think that basically

all tall, good-looking guys are rats.

No offense meant, Rob.

But I've been short a long time.

Darling, what will they do?

Can they get someone to replace him?

Well, it's only two days to the show now.

They'll probably meet his demands, whatever they are.

I knew it. I knew it.

I knew it. My aunt Agnes was right.

You know what she said

when she saw Randy at the bowling alley?

She said, "Sally, you can't tell a book

if the title's covered."

You know, I don't feel very good.

What? I don't feel good.

Well, what's the matter?

I'm beginning to understand aunt Agnes.

How do you like that kid?

Two days in show business,

already he's a temperamental star.

Told you, you can't trust those tall guys.

Listen, is it possible that he wants something more,

besides money, I mean?

Like what? Well, I don't know.

What do actors usually want when they walk off a set?

A belt of booze.

No, buddy, I'm serious.

Maybe he's just frightened, you know, stage fright.

Stage fright?

Did you see him at the bowling alley?

That kid's not afraid of anything.

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Excuse me. I wonder who that is.

I don't know but whoever it is,

I hope they've eaten. I only made lasagne for four.

Randy!

ALL TOGETHER: Randy?

Randy, hey, how you been?

Don't you shout.

Now listen, don't ( INDISTINCT ).

Randy, where have you been?

I called the office and the operator told me

you were all up here.

SALLY: Yeah, we're here.

And you better make your story good.

Hey, who's this guy? Your manager?

Yes, I'm his manager. May we come in?

Yes, and sir, before you say anything else,

Mr. Cooley told us that you visited Randy today

and you're probably responsible for pulling him out of the show.

Well, I must admit I had a hand in it.

Yeah, it sounds like you had both hands in it.

And your foot.

Now, hold it, you guys.

Sir, I don't know what your angle is

but are you sure you're operating

in the best interests of your client here?

I think I am because my client, you see,

also happens to be my son.

Your son?

Dad, this is Mr. and Mrs. Petrie.

Mr. Petrie. How do you do?

This is Sally Rogers.

How do you do?

And Buddy Sorrell.

Mr. Sorrell.

Let me take your hat. Thank you.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you very much.

Miss Rogers, I understand you're the one

who started this ball rolling.

Yes, I am, and you're kind of making me sorry I did.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Randy's told me how kind you've all been to him

and I appreciate it very much.

I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful

when I tell you that I have advised Randy

to reconsider this offer and decline it.

Decline?

He can't do that.

He's already told-- hold it, hold it, Sally.

Sir, let me ask you a question.

Don't you think it's a little bit late

for reconsidering and declining?

Now your son accepted the job.

And to pull him out of the show now

is very unfair and highly unethical.

Yeah, well, maybe this guy don't care about ethics.

Oh, I care about ethics very much, Mr. Sorrell.

You do, huh?

Sure don't sound like it.

Well, if you'll allow me to finish,

I think I may be able to clarify my point.

Well, I'm sure you can understand

we're a little emotional about it

since we're the ones who recommended your son

for the show.

I quite understand.

What I was about to say

is that perhaps something could be worked out

which would cause me to change my mind.

A little added inducement, perhaps.

Inducement?

Ho, ho, here it comes, little friends,

the old squeeze play.

A little added inducement, eh?

It's not very much actually.

Uh-huh? Well, you're talking about it to the wrong people.

You see, the producer handles the money matters.

We're just the writers.

We're not interested in money, Mr. Petrie.

You don't want more money?

No. As a matter of fact,

I think they're overpaying Randy as it is.

Wait a minute.

You mean, you want the kid to work for less money?

I really don't care.

Hey, this guy sounds like my agent!

Well, then, what is it you want?

We'd like another song for Randy on the show.

Another song?

What is the matter with the twizzle?

Oh, there's nothing wrong with the twizzle

except we don't feel it's a proper song

for a singer of Randy's talents.

You see, Randy's been gifted with a beautiful voice.

He's been studying seriously for the past three years

and we feel he's on the threshold

of a very important career.

Singing the twizzle on "The Alan Brady Show"

might set him off in, well, you might say,

in the wrong direction.

Uh-huh. Well, don't you think that's Randy's decision

which direction he'll go?

Well, of course. May I, dad?

By all means.

I asked dad to help me with this because,

well, I'm afraid that if I sing the twizzle on the show

and it catches on like you people say it could,

then I might never get a chance to sing

the kind of song I really enjoy,

the show tunes and the ballads.

What we're trying to say is

that Randy will be happy to sing the twizzle

if you'll allow him to sing another song on the show.

Well, it sounds reasonable enough.

Unless--

unless what?

Unless he can't sing as well as you say he can.

May we use your piano?

Certainly.

Randy.

If you will listen, Mr. Petrie,

I think you will be able to judge for yourself.

Randy?

( PIANO PLAYING )

Say, hold it a second.

Rob, what are you doing?

Well, I think if we're gonna have an audition,

our producer ought to be in on it.

I'm calling Mel.

Our producer.

A lot he knows.

He picked Germany in the first world war.

Hello, Mel?

Listen, if you've got a couple of minutes,

you just keep the phone to your ear and listen.

We're auditioning a new baritone,

Randolph Eisenbauer.

That's right, it's our own Randy Twizzle.

He's right here and everything's fine.

You just listen.

I'll explain later.

I'm sorry, Randy.

Look, sing right into the flowers there.

All right, Mr. Eisenbauer.

( PIANO PLAYING GENTLY )

~ One dream in my heart

~ One love to be living for

~ One love to be living for

~ This nearly was mine

~ One girl for my dream

~ One partner in paradise

~ This promise of paradise

~ This nearly was mine

~ Close to my heart she came

~ Only to fly away

~ Only to fly as day

~ Flies from moonlight

~ Now now I'm alone

~ Still dreaming of paradise

~ Still saying that paradise

~ Once nearly was mine

Now what do you say?

You bet.

You bet.

I'll tell him, Mel.

It's all set, Randy. You sing both songs.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Petrie.

Congratulations. Okay, dad?

Okay. At least if the twizzle fizzles,

everybody will know you can sing.

I don't think the twizzle's gonna fizzle

and he can sing.

What have you got against the twizzle?

You know something?

I think he just knocks it 'cause he can't do it.

Who can't? You.

Randy, twizzle me.

~ Everybody starting doing the twizzle ~

Come on, gang.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

~ Everybody starting doing the twizzle ~

~ Everybody if you're ready to sizzle ~

~ You twist a little

~ Then you twist a lot

~ And when you really get hot

~ That's the twizzle

Hold it, hold it, hold everything,

stop the record. Stop the record.

Hold everything!

What's the matter?

Why are you stopping us?

You started this whole thing.

I know, but this fad is three weeks old already.

I got a new one, Rob.

I found it at the wrestling match.

Wow, what is it? What?

It's gonna be bigger than the twizzle.

What is it?

It's called the twazzle. The twazzle!

What is it?

It's a combination of twisting and wrestling.

Wait, wait, don't go away.

Wait a minute. Oh, no.

What is this all about?

Twisting and wrestling?

Here he is.

Here he is, the world's champion heavyweight wrestler,

Freddy Blassie.

Hey!

Wait a minute, what kind of a welcome is that?

Let's give him a real welcome.

Boooo.

Rob, you should have been at the arena.

Right in the middle of a match,

Freddy starts doing the twizzle, see?

Wait. While they're wrestling?

Only he's got a sensational variation.

Really? I'd like to see it.

Freddy, show him, show him.

Wait. I changed my mind.

I don't want to see it.

Freddy, I don't think I want to see it.

( MUSIC PLAYING )