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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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( ALARM RINGING )
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Boy, I better hurry up.
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They'll be here any minute.
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SALLY: If you want to change the sequence,
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it's okay with me.
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I don't care if you don't want to do it,
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good morning, good morning, good morning.
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Good morning.
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What are you doing here so early?
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I wanted to be first in line for the water cooler.
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Yeah, what gives, Buddy?
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This is the third day in a row you've been the first one in.
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You know something, if I didn't know you better,
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I'd say you were sleeping here at night.
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You know I only sleep here during working hours.
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Hey Buddy, have you heard from Pickle's?
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Is her mother any better?
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Yeah. Everything's under control.
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Pickles is gonna be home in two weeks.
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Oh, good.
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Oh boy, I can't wait to taste her burnt cornflakes again.
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Well, folks, we have a show to write.
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Shall we get to work?
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Right. Yeah.
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Okay.
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Opening monolog.
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Alan comes out and says, "good--"
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Buddy? What?
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Either you've got your pajamas on under your suit
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or you're wearing the longest pair of shorts
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I ever saw in my life.
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What are you wearing your pajamas for?
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Doesn't everybody?
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Come on, Buddy, what's with the pajamas?
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Okay, okay.
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I've been sleeping in the office for a couple of nights.
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You don't have to make a big deal out of it.
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Yeah, Buddy, but why?
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Well, if you must know, I'm lonesome.
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I miss my wife.
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Ah.
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Go ahead and laugh, it's funny.
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We're not laughin'.
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Yeah, Buddy, you know we never laugh
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at anything you say.
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In all the years Pickle and me have been married,
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it's the first time we ever been separated.
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I tried to go home
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but everything I see reminds me of her.
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I walk in the bedroom and there's her cold cream
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and her curlers and her comic books.
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I just couldn't stand it anymore.
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I knew I loved my wife,
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but I didn't know how much I liked her.
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Why don't you go to a hotel?
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I tried that. It's worse.
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Buddy, there's a big empty guest room at my house
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so you're coming home with me tonight.
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Oh, look, I'm all right here, Rob.
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I don't want to disturb anybody.
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Look, I'll be a lot more disturbed
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if I have to go home tonight
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and get a picture of you sleeping on this lumpy old sofa.
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Now, we're friends, aren't we?
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Yeah, sure we're friends.
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Well, then it's settled.
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You're coming home with me tonight
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until pickles gets back.
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Uh, may I say something?
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What?
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You're both nuts.
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What do you mean?
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The quickest way to end a friendship
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is for two friends to share the same house.
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Sally got a point too.
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Yeah, but this isn't two ordinary friends.
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This is Buddy and me.
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Rob, you got a point there.
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Look, fellas, I once shared an apartment
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with some very close friends and it just didn't work out.
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We fought all the time.
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BUDDY: Who was it?
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My mother and father.
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Look, if we can spend eight hours a day
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in this office for all these years,
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we can certainly spend two weeks together
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in a big house.
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Rob, you got a point there.
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Buddy, you cannot tell about a person
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just by working with them.
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It's when you live together that you find out
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you can't live together.
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Look at any married couple.
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Yeah, I got to admit, Sally got a point there.
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Oh, look, I don't agree with that.
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Buddy, you're my oldest and dearest friend.
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Well, you got two points there.
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All right, all right, go ahead.
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Don't listen to me.
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You'll just have to find out the hard way.
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I know one thing though.
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Buddy, he has his way of living
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and, Rob, you and Laura have your way of living
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and you cannot put the two of them together
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without making problems.
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That's a good point. What do you say, Rob?
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What's the score?
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Well, according to my figures,
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that's three points for Sally and four points for you.
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Well, then I win.
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Take me, I'm yours.
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All right. All right.
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I now pronounce you man and guest.
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Remember one thing,
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John Wilkes Booth once shared a room with Lincoln.
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Oh, he did not.
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I know, but I hate to lose an argument.
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Hey, honey, I hope having Buddy here's
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not gonna be too much extra work for you.
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Oh no, after all, how much extra work can he be?
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He's a grown man.
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( DOORBELL RINGS )
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I'll get it.
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BUDDY: Ta-da.
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Well, here we are.
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Is this the country arms hotel?
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Well, this is the home for retired cello players.
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Come on in.
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( LAUGHING ) Come on, pick that up, baby.
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Pick it up, pick it up now.
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Come on, pick it up.
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Watch, watch, he'll pick it up.
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Ha, ha. Yeah, he's a great dog.
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Hey, you don't mind me bringing my dog, Larry, along, do you?
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No, any dog of yours--
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is a friend of mine, I know.
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Yeah, I couldn't let him stay in a kennel,
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nobody to talk to but dogs.
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Ahh.
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Listen, just put those things down anywhere.
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Dinner's almost ready.
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And in honor of your visit, I made a cake.
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Oh, thanks, Laura,
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but I'm not allowed to eat fried food.
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Fried? You don't fry a cake.
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No kidding?
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Wait 'til my wife hears about this.
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Laura, I want to tell you, you got a nice place here.
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You put in a few more tables, you'll do a good business.
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Ah, the food was delicious.
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Thank you.
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Oh, it was just great, honey.
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My favorite, corned beef and cabbage.
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And you served 'em on your best dishes too.
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Her grandmother's best dishes.
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These have been in Laura's family for generations.
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Well, I'm honored.
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Well, you're a special guest, buddy.
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Oh, I don't want to be special.
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I just want to be one of the family.
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Well, you are.
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Honey, why don't you just leave these?
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Let's have coffee first.
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Well, all right.
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If you gentlemen will just retire to the drawing room.
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Wait a minute, where's the drawing room?
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Right where you're standing.
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Now go and sit down. I'll get the coffee.
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Oh, all right.
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Come on, Larry, we're going in the drawing room.
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Come on, puppy. Over here, puppy.
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Right here. That's it. Sit down.
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Good boy. Sit down.
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You're not listening.
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( WHIMPERING )
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Buddy, what's the matter with larry?
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I don't know. I think he's a little tired.
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Probably past his bedtime.
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Well, why doesn't he just go to sleep?
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I think he got insomnia.
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( WHIMPERING )
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I'll put him asleep. Watch this.
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Sleep, boy, sleep, sleep, sleep.
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Good job.
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( WHIMPERING )
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Oh, I know what to do. It always works.
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Loves the cello.
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You know, Buddy, I'm surprised you still have that cello.
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I thought you got rid of it when you quit vaudeville.
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Well, I was gonna but Larry likes it so much.
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Watch this.
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( CELLO PLAYING BRAHMS LULLABY )
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See, it always works.
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Dessert time.
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Oh, Laura.
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Come here, that looks kind of heavy.
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Let me help you with it.
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No, that's all right, Buddy. Oh, come on, I insist.
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No. No, come on.
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Oh, gee.
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Oh, boy, I'm sorry, Laura.
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What did I do?
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I think, honestly, Buddy, you dropped some heirlooms.
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Oh, I'm-- gee, this is awful.
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It just slipped out of my hands, honest.
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And they're your best dishes.
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They were.
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Look, I'll replace every one of them that got broken.
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No, you don't have to, buddy. It was an accident.
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No, I insist. I'll replace every one.
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No, Buddy, we don't want you to.
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Well, why not, they're heirlooms.
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Well, I never liked those dishes anyway.
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They were so old.
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Oh, am I exhausted.
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I hope Buddy's not gonna expect us
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to stay up with him every night
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and watch "The Late, Late Show."
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Nah, he won't, honey.
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It's his first night here.
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He expected us to stay up and keep him company.
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Well--
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Boy, I sure feel sorry for Buddy.
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For Buddy?
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Yeah, how would you like to be
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the one who ruins somebody's priceless heirlooms?
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Oh, I suppose you're right.
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He must feel terrible.
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Honey, do you think we can glue any of it back together again?
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I don't know. We can try.
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Oh boy, am I tired.
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Me too.
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I'm gonna be a wreck tomorrow.
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Yeah, but a good-looking wreck.
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Hey, come on, quit fussing and let's go to bed.
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In a minute.
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32, 33, 34...
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99, 100.
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Goodnight.
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Goodnight.
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( GARGLING )
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What's that?
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That's just Buddy gargling.
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It sounds like his gargler is broken.
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And it's coming in so loud and clear.
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The advantages of modern walls.
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He'll stop in a minute.
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( GARGLIN RESUMES )
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( GARGLING CONTINUES )
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Goodnight. Goodnight.
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( WHIMPERING )
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BUDDY: Shh, quiet, boy, quiet.
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You'll wake up everybody.
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( INDISTINCT ) kennel. Down, boy, down.
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Sleep.
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( CELLO PLAYING BRAHMS LULLABY )
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( CELLO PLAYING SPEEDS UP )
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( CELLO STOP PLAYING )
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( CELLO PLAYS AND STOPS )
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Goodnight.
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I hope so.
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( GARGLIN THE TUNE OF BRAHMS LULLABY )
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Penny a point?
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00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,143
Deal.
267
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,071
Laura?
268
00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:24,000
Laura?
269
00:11:26,714 --> 00:11:27,786
Honey, look at this.
270
00:11:27,857 --> 00:11:28,929
This is the fifth time in a row,
271
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:32,143
I've got the spaghetti edition of the morning paper.
272
00:11:32,143 --> 00:11:33,857
How often do I have to tell you, dear,
273
00:11:33,929 --> 00:11:37,929
Buddy is training Larry to bring in the paper.
274
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,071
How do you expect me to read that?
275
00:11:40,071 --> 00:11:43,071
The same way I'm gonna read this letter from my mother.
276
00:11:45,143 --> 00:11:47,429
He's training him to bring in the mail too.
277
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,857
ROB: You know how I hate a messy newspaper.
278
00:11:49,857 --> 00:11:50,714
You're awake early.
279
00:11:50,714 --> 00:11:51,857
Why don't you go out and get the paper
280
00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:53,857
before Larry gets to it?
281
00:11:53,857 --> 00:11:55,214
Oh, it isn't enough that I have to get up
282
00:11:55,286 --> 00:11:57,286
and get breakfast for a household of people?
283
00:11:57,286 --> 00:12:00,071
Now you want me to race the dog for the paper.
284
00:12:00,071 --> 00:12:01,429
If making breakfast for me is too much trouble,
285
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,357
you can forget it.
286
00:12:02,357 --> 00:12:03,214
Well, if you and Buddy didn't stay up
287
00:12:03,214 --> 00:12:05,214
until all hours of the night carousing,
288
00:12:05,286 --> 00:12:07,214
you could get up and get your own paper.
289
00:12:07,214 --> 00:12:08,286
Carousing?
290
00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:09,929
It just so happens that we were working all night.
291
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,286
You call it anything you like, dear.
292
00:12:11,286 --> 00:12:13,071
The point is, you kept me up until 3 o'clock
293
00:12:13,143 --> 00:12:14,786
every morning this week.
294
00:12:14,786 --> 00:12:15,857
Sweetheart, there is nothing in the book
295
00:12:15,857 --> 00:12:17,929
that says you have to stay up with us, you know.
296
00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:19,786
I know it. What are we fighting about?
297
00:12:19,857 --> 00:12:20,643
I don't know.
298
00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,214
Shredded letters and newspapers.
299
00:12:22,286 --> 00:12:23,786
Well, what, is that anything to fight about?
300
00:12:23,857 --> 00:12:24,929
No!
301
00:12:26,857 --> 00:12:28,929
Honey, I'm sorry.
302
00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:30,143
It's my fault.
303
00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,429
No, it isn't, Rob. It isn't anybody's fault.
304
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,786
It's just we're both on edge.
305
00:12:34,857 --> 00:12:36,071
Now sit down and I'll fix your breakfast.
306
00:12:36,071 --> 00:12:37,786
Come on, forget breakfast.
307
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,929
Let's sit down and talk this out right now.
308
00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,786
Oh, Rob, I don't know how to talk it out
309
00:12:42,786 --> 00:12:44,929
without sounding petty.
310
00:12:44,929 --> 00:12:47,071
We've been at each other's throat all week long.
311
00:12:47,071 --> 00:12:48,786
I know, I've been here.
312
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,214
Rob, I don't know how to say this,
313
00:12:53,286 --> 00:12:55,286
but I think maybe it was a mistake
314
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:58,214
asking Buddy to come here and stay.
315
00:12:58,286 --> 00:13:00,929
He's just confusing our whole way of life.
316
00:13:00,929 --> 00:13:03,929
It's a lot of things. Even his eating habits.
317
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,786
Honey, it just so happens he likes liver and bananas.
318
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,286
You'll get used to it.
319
00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:12,143
Rob, do you really think so?
320
00:13:12,143 --> 00:13:14,500
No.
321
00:13:14,571 --> 00:13:15,643
Well, I hate to say this, dear,
322
00:13:15,714 --> 00:13:19,071
but I think somebody's gonna have to ask him to leave.
323
00:13:19,071 --> 00:13:20,857
Ask him to leave? Honey, I can't do that.
324
00:13:20,857 --> 00:13:22,071
Buddy's my friend.
325
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:23,929
That's why you should ask him.
326
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,286
Well, I'm not gonna ask him.
327
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,571
Not gonna ask me what?
328
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:29,857
Ah, uh, what you want for breakfast.
329
00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:30,714
Why wouldn't you ask me?
330
00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:32,929
Well, I thought you were asleep, buddy.
331
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,143
No, no, I got to take Larry out.
332
00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:35,929
Come on, Lar. Out here, boy.
333
00:13:35,929 --> 00:13:37,000
On the garden
334
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,357
and don't dig up any more of those tulip bulbs.
335
00:13:38,429 --> 00:13:40,429
You'll never be invited back.
336
00:13:40,429 --> 00:13:42,429
What a crazy dog. He loves tulip bulbs.
337
00:13:42,429 --> 00:13:44,071
Likes it better than dog biscuits.
338
00:13:44,143 --> 00:13:45,857
I know.
339
00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:47,214
What would you like for breakfast, Buddy?
340
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:48,929
I don't know. What have you got in the ice box?
341
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,357
There's some leftover liver and bananas.
342
00:13:51,357 --> 00:13:52,071
For breakfast?
343
00:13:53,071 --> 00:13:54,071
Oh, I don't want anything.
344
00:13:54,071 --> 00:13:55,071
Just whatever you guys are having.
345
00:13:55,071 --> 00:13:56,429
No special menus for me.
346
00:13:56,429 --> 00:13:57,857
Well, we're having eggs.
347
00:13:57,857 --> 00:13:59,000
Good, I'll have eggs.
348
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,357
Okay. How would you like 'em?
349
00:14:00,357 --> 00:14:03,143
Oh, fix 'em any way you want, I'm not fussy.
350
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,857
I see that.
351
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,143
Look, Buddy, I can fix 'em any way at all,
352
00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:15,143
you just name the way.
353
00:14:15,143 --> 00:14:18,143
Look, any way you fix 'em is fine with me.
354
00:14:18,143 --> 00:14:19,214
LAURA: But if you can have them any way at all,
355
00:14:19,214 --> 00:14:21,286
why shouldn't you have 'em the way you like them?
356
00:14:21,357 --> 00:14:23,214
Whichever way is easiest for you.
357
00:14:23,286 --> 00:14:25,143
Well, one way's as easy as another.
358
00:14:25,143 --> 00:14:27,214
It's immaterial. How are you having 'em, Rob?
359
00:14:27,286 --> 00:14:27,929
Uh, scrambled.
360
00:14:27,929 --> 00:14:29,214
Good. I'll have 'em scrambled.
361
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,357
All right, scrambled it'll be.
362
00:14:32,357 --> 00:14:34,071
I had scrambled eggs yesterday
363
00:14:34,071 --> 00:14:36,286
but I don't mind having 'em two days in a row.
364
00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:39,857
Well, how about fried?
365
00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:40,929
Fried? Yeah.
366
00:14:40,929 --> 00:14:43,929
All right. Fried eggs coming up.
367
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:44,571
You know something?
368
00:14:44,571 --> 00:14:45,643
I never liked fried eggs
369
00:14:45,643 --> 00:14:49,000
but I think I should be courageous and experiment.
370
00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:51,071
ROB: Buddy, you don't have to experiment.
371
00:14:51,071 --> 00:14:53,929
Buddy, would you like 'em soft boiled?
372
00:14:53,929 --> 00:14:54,286
Yeah.
373
00:14:54,286 --> 00:14:55,929
Okay.
374
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:58,500
You know something?
375
00:14:58,571 --> 00:15:00,214
I haven't had soft boiled eggs since I was a kid
376
00:15:00,286 --> 00:15:01,929
and my ma forced me to eat 'em.
377
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:08,429
Buddy, I don't want to force you to eat anything.
378
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:10,071
If you'll just tell me how to cook your eggs.
379
00:15:10,071 --> 00:15:12,357
Any way. I'm not fussy.
380
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,214
Buddy, Laura's mentioned every kind of eggs
381
00:15:14,286 --> 00:15:15,286
except maybe eggs benedict--
382
00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:16,929
Yeah, I like them.
383
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:17,500
What?
384
00:15:17,571 --> 00:15:18,643
Eggs benedict, yeah.
385
00:15:18,714 --> 00:15:20,214
Buddy, I haven't any idea at all
386
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:21,643
how to make eggs benedict.
387
00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:23,071
You don't? Boy, I make 'em great.
388
00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:25,357
Let me get in that kitchen there.
389
00:15:25,429 --> 00:15:26,929
Come on, now, this is my department.
390
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,286
Look, you've been waiting on me all week.
391
00:15:28,357 --> 00:15:29,643
I insist. Buddy, no.
392
00:15:29,714 --> 00:15:30,429
Come on.
393
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,071
You two just sit down here and relax.
394
00:15:33,143 --> 00:15:34,929
Let uncle Buddy wait on you.
395
00:15:34,929 --> 00:15:37,071
Ho, ho. Eggs benedict, huh?
396
00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:39,214
I'll show you how you really make eggs benedict
397
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,357
because I've been--
398
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,286
Oh, laura, where do you keep the ham?
399
00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:43,429
In the refrigerator.
400
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:44,357
Do you mind?
401
00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:45,500
No, I'll get it.
402
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,071
One plate of ham.
403
00:15:50,143 --> 00:15:51,286
And some cheddar cheese.
404
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,643
Cheddar cheese.
405
00:15:53,714 --> 00:15:55,000
And some milk.
406
00:15:58,429 --> 00:16:00,143
Buddy, it's in front of you.
407
00:16:00,214 --> 00:16:01,000
Oh, yeah, it is.
408
00:16:01,071 --> 00:16:02,643
Look, now, will you just go over there
409
00:16:02,643 --> 00:16:04,714
and sit down and let me take care of this.
410
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,214
Come on. Right over there.
411
00:16:06,286 --> 00:16:08,000
Sit down and let uncle buddy do it.
412
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000
That's it.
413
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,357
Now, oh, I need some flour.
414
00:16:10,357 --> 00:16:12,143
I'll get it.
415
00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:15,214
And let me see.
416
00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:17,000
Oh, I'll need three mixing bowls.
417
00:16:17,071 --> 00:16:18,286
Three? Yeah.
418
00:16:18,357 --> 00:16:20,071
I'll get 'em, honey.
419
00:16:21,143 --> 00:16:22,286
Here's your flour, buddy.
420
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,214
And, oh, would you mind cleaning out the skillet, honey?
421
00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:25,071
No, not at all.
422
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,000
Good.
423
00:16:26,071 --> 00:16:27,429
Oh, well, buddy, I have a clean one right here.
424
00:16:27,429 --> 00:16:28,143
I can get it for you.
425
00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:29,071
No, no, I'll need two of 'em.
426
00:16:29,143 --> 00:16:30,071
Gee, we all want to eat together, don't we?
427
00:16:30,071 --> 00:16:33,071
Let me have those bowls. Come on, you two,
428
00:16:33,071 --> 00:16:35,143
just go back over there and sit down.
429
00:16:35,143 --> 00:16:37,214
I'll take care of that. Let me have it.
430
00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:38,357
Where's the other one?
431
00:16:38,357 --> 00:16:39,286
Skillet.
432
00:16:39,357 --> 00:16:40,286
Please, now, the two of you,
433
00:16:40,286 --> 00:16:42,214
will you just sit down and let me do this?
434
00:16:42,286 --> 00:16:43,143
Okay.
435
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:44,429
Good enough.
436
00:16:44,429 --> 00:16:46,357
Yeah, I'll fix it for you.
437
00:16:46,429 --> 00:16:48,071
Oh, one more thing.
438
00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:51,429
Some english muffins, a spatula and some cooking sherry.
439
00:16:51,429 --> 00:16:53,000
I'll get the sherry.
440
00:16:53,071 --> 00:16:54,143
Honey, you get the muffins--
441
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:57,071
wait 'til you taste this, boy. Ha, ha.
442
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,071
Why don't we just have a little toast?
443
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:01,357
And, oh, listen, some black olives
444
00:17:01,357 --> 00:17:03,143
and a half a pint of cream.
445
00:17:03,214 --> 00:17:04,357
I'll have to ( INDISTINCT )
446
00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:06,214
so I can get the can opener out of here.
447
00:17:06,214 --> 00:17:09,429
Honey, you want to ( INDISTINCT ).
448
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,429
Excuse me, Buddy.
449
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,429
Buddy, Buddy?
450
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:13,071
What, what?
451
00:17:13,071 --> 00:17:14,000
What are you looking for?
452
00:17:14,071 --> 00:17:16,214
I don't know, but there's something missing.
453
00:17:42,714 --> 00:17:44,214
I don't know what went wrong.
454
00:17:46,286 --> 00:17:47,714
You sure the eggs weren't stale?
455
00:17:48,857 --> 00:17:49,643
Fresh eggs.
456
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:51,714
Maybe the milk was kind of curdly.
457
00:17:51,786 --> 00:17:53,214
Came this morning.
458
00:17:53,286 --> 00:17:55,286
Can't understand it. Looks good.
459
00:17:57,286 --> 00:17:59,857
Laura, what did you fry last in that pan?
460
00:17:59,857 --> 00:18:01,786
Liver and bananas.
461
00:18:01,857 --> 00:18:03,643
Oh, no wonder.
462
00:18:03,714 --> 00:18:05,786
Buddy, instead of blaming Laura's frying pan,
463
00:18:05,857 --> 00:18:08,429
let's just admit you don't know how to make eggs benedict.
464
00:18:08,429 --> 00:18:10,071
Look, I didn't say anything about the frying pan.
465
00:18:10,143 --> 00:18:11,143
I just want to find out what went wrong.
466
00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:12,286
Well, now, wait a minute, Buddy.
467
00:18:12,286 --> 00:18:14,071
Fellas, fellas.
468
00:18:14,143 --> 00:18:15,143
You're gonna be late for work
469
00:18:15,143 --> 00:18:16,714
if you don't start getting ready.
470
00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:17,714
Yeah.
471
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,286
Well, I want to stop by and get some coffee
472
00:18:19,357 --> 00:18:20,857
and doughnuts anyway, I'm hungry.
473
00:18:20,857 --> 00:18:22,357
Rob, I'll take my own car down the office
474
00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:23,357
and meet you there.
475
00:18:28,429 --> 00:18:30,429
How about that guy?
476
00:18:30,429 --> 00:18:32,357
How about this kitchen?
477
00:18:32,357 --> 00:18:34,857
How about that Buddy and I started shouting at each other?
478
00:18:34,857 --> 00:18:36,429
How about that now's the time
479
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:38,857
to suggest that buddy move to a hotel?
480
00:18:38,929 --> 00:18:41,357
Rob, we're all gonna end up enemies if you don't.
481
00:18:41,357 --> 00:18:43,214
Yeah, you're right, honey.
482
00:18:43,286 --> 00:18:44,786
I'll tell him at the office.
483
00:18:44,786 --> 00:18:46,857
How will you do it? I don't know.
484
00:18:46,857 --> 00:18:49,857
I'll say, "Buddy, look, you and I are good friends
485
00:18:49,857 --> 00:18:51,714
and I think you better move out of the house
486
00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:54,357
because if you don't, I'm gonna kill you."
487
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,143
Hey, Rob-- Say, Buddy--
488
00:19:14,143 --> 00:19:16,857
Look, I want-- There's something on my--
489
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:17,857
Alright, you first.
490
00:19:17,929 --> 00:19:18,857
No, mine can wait.
491
00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:20,286
You go-- You start.
492
00:19:20,357 --> 00:19:21,357
Go ahead. You're the head writer.
493
00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,286
You go first.
494
00:19:22,357 --> 00:19:23,357
Well, I don't want to take advantage of that.
495
00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:25,643
Go ahead.
496
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:28,143
All right. You know, Rob,
497
00:19:28,143 --> 00:19:29,429
you and Laura are probably the best friends
498
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,286
I got in the whole world
499
00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:31,714
and I wouldn't want to do anything
500
00:19:31,786 --> 00:19:34,429
to jeopardize that friendship.
501
00:19:34,429 --> 00:19:35,643
Go on.
502
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,286
I just don't think I should live at your house anymore.
503
00:19:37,286 --> 00:19:38,857
Oh? You've been wonderful
504
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,000
but, let's face it,
505
00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:41,929
you and Laura aren't the two easiest people in the world
506
00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:42,857
to get along with.
507
00:19:44,857 --> 00:19:47,714
Boy, you're upset with my whole way of life.
508
00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:48,714
You guys go to bed so early
509
00:19:48,714 --> 00:19:51,857
I don't even get a chance to gargle anymore.
510
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:53,357
I just think it'd be better for all concerned
511
00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:56,214
if I move back here to the office.
512
00:19:56,214 --> 00:19:59,929
Oh well, Buddy, you know how we feel about you.
513
00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:01,571
Our home's your home.
514
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:04,286
That's nice of you to say that but I don't know,
515
00:20:04,357 --> 00:20:06,500
I feel that I've been imposing on you and Laura.
516
00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:12,357
Haven't I?
517
00:20:12,429 --> 00:20:15,714
Well, no, Buddy, we enjoyed having you.
518
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,357
You mean that?
519
00:20:17,429 --> 00:20:19,786
Well, would I say it if I didn't mean it?
520
00:20:19,857 --> 00:20:20,929
I don't know, I just had the feeling
521
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,714
that you'd be a lot happier if Larry and the cello and me
522
00:20:23,714 --> 00:20:25,714
moved out of the house.
523
00:20:25,714 --> 00:20:27,714
Well, Buddy, if you don't like it,
524
00:20:27,714 --> 00:20:29,929
if you don't like the house--
525
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,929
I didn't say that.
526
00:20:32,929 --> 00:20:34,571
Well, do you want me to stay?
527
00:20:34,571 --> 00:20:37,929
Well, I-- What do you want to do?
528
00:20:37,929 --> 00:20:39,929
Well, I don't know. Do whatever you want.
529
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:42,500
Well, I just want to do whatever you want to do.
530
00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:47,929
All right, I'll stay.
531
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,929
Well, I'm glad.
532
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,429
Me too.
533
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,429
Swell.
534
00:20:52,429 --> 00:20:54,429
( PHONE RINGING )
535
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,429
I'll get it.
536
00:20:58,857 --> 00:20:59,857
Hello?
537
00:20:59,929 --> 00:21:02,857
Hi, I just wondered if you spoke to Buddy yet?
538
00:21:02,857 --> 00:21:06,000
Well, Laura, honey, I'm glad you called.
539
00:21:06,071 --> 00:21:07,500
Do you want to hear something funny?
540
00:21:07,571 --> 00:21:08,429
Ha, ha.
541
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,714
Buddy thought he was being too much trouble
542
00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:12,500
and wanted to move out of the house, ha, ha.
543
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:13,857
Oh, that's wonderful.
544
00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:15,500
Now you won't have to ask him.
545
00:21:15,571 --> 00:21:17,857
But I talked him out of it.
546
00:21:17,929 --> 00:21:19,429
Are you out of your mind?
547
00:21:19,429 --> 00:21:21,929
Ha, ha. I knew you'd react that way.
548
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,357
She's delighted you're staying, Buddy.
549
00:21:24,429 --> 00:21:25,929
Rob, you can't do this to me.
550
00:21:25,929 --> 00:21:26,786
I just spent three hours
551
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,357
scraping eggs benedict off the walls.
552
00:21:29,357 --> 00:21:31,929
No, I don't know what time we'll be home.
553
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,857
Buddy's in the office and you can't talk.
554
00:21:33,929 --> 00:21:34,857
Answer yes or no.
555
00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:36,429
That's right.
556
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:37,929
You've backed yourself into a corner
557
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,857
and you can't get out of it?
558
00:21:40,929 --> 00:21:43,714
Rob, I have a feeling you're nodding your head
559
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:45,786
and it's hard to hear that over the phone.
560
00:21:47,857 --> 00:21:48,929
What's she say?
561
00:21:48,929 --> 00:21:50,357
She wanted to know if liver and bananas
562
00:21:50,357 --> 00:21:51,429
would be all right tonight.
563
00:21:51,429 --> 00:21:52,714
Oh, sure. Swell.
564
00:21:52,786 --> 00:21:55,357
Liver and bananas are fine, honey.
565
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,500
I don't suppose there's any way out of this?
566
00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,714
You said it.
567
00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:00,571
Well, don't worry, dear. We'll manage.
568
00:22:00,571 --> 00:22:02,071
We'll survive somehow.
569
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,357
You know what you are? You're a doll.
570
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:05,357
You know what you are?
571
00:22:05,357 --> 00:22:06,357
ROB: What?
572
00:22:06,357 --> 00:22:07,071
A coward.
573
00:22:07,071 --> 00:22:08,500
ROB: But lovable.
574
00:22:08,571 --> 00:22:10,714
Come home alone and you'll be lovable.
575
00:22:10,714 --> 00:22:14,000
Yes, honey. Buddy will be right with me.
576
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,714
Rob, take the phone away from your ear.
577
00:22:16,714 --> 00:22:17,857
What for?
578
00:22:17,857 --> 00:22:19,786
Just take the phone away from your ear.
579
00:22:19,857 --> 00:22:20,714
All right.
580
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:21,929
( PHONE SLAM DOWN )
581
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,357
Ha, ha. Same to you, honey.
582
00:22:23,357 --> 00:22:24,714
( KISSING )
583
00:22:28,143 --> 00:22:29,071
What did Laura say?
584
00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:31,357
Well, she-- All I can say is that she feels
585
00:22:31,357 --> 00:22:33,000
the same way about it that I do, Buddy.
586
00:22:33,071 --> 00:22:33,929
Ha, ha, ha.
587
00:22:33,929 --> 00:22:35,071
Hi, fellas.
588
00:22:35,071 --> 00:22:37,357
Oh, hello,Sal. Oh, hi, Sal.
589
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,071
Well, I was wrong.
590
00:22:39,071 --> 00:22:40,143
About what?
591
00:22:40,214 --> 00:22:41,929
About you two living in the same house all this time
592
00:22:41,929 --> 00:22:43,071
and you're still friends.
593
00:22:43,143 --> 00:22:44,929
Yeah, that's right.
594
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,357
Where you been, Sal?
595
00:22:46,357 --> 00:22:47,429
Where would I be at this hour?
596
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,500
I was window shopping at the YMCA.
597
00:22:50,857 --> 00:22:52,714
Hey, Buddy, did you get the message I left for you?
598
00:22:52,714 --> 00:22:54,000
I didn't get any message.
599
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:56,714
Pickles called and she said that she would be home tonight,
600
00:22:56,714 --> 00:22:58,071
that her mother's all better.
601
00:22:58,071 --> 00:22:59,071
Oh, boy.
602
00:22:59,143 --> 00:23:01,429
I guess I won't be going home with you after all.
603
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,357
Gee, I love you kids, but oh my wife.
604
00:23:03,429 --> 00:23:06,929
I'll have to call up Laura and give her the good news.
605
00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:09,714
I mean, about your mother-in-law being all better.
606
00:23:09,714 --> 00:23:10,857
Oh, wait a minute, Rob.
607
00:23:10,929 --> 00:23:14,071
Before you make that call, there's something I want to say.
608
00:23:14,071 --> 00:23:16,929
You know, it's when a guy is lonesome,
609
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:18,857
he really knows who his friends are.
610
00:23:18,929 --> 00:23:21,143
And you and Laura have been knocking yourself out for me
611
00:23:21,143 --> 00:23:22,857
and I want you to know I appreciate it.
612
00:23:22,857 --> 00:23:23,929
Oh, come on, Buddy.
613
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,071
No, I mean it.
614
00:23:25,143 --> 00:23:26,857
I don't know how I could have gotten through this month
615
00:23:26,929 --> 00:23:27,929
without you.
616
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,500
ROB: I'll admit it's been a pretty rough month.
617
00:23:30,571 --> 00:23:31,929
Month?
618
00:23:31,929 --> 00:23:33,071
Hey, fellas, I hate to shake you up
619
00:23:33,071 --> 00:23:34,714
but it's only been a week.
620
00:23:34,786 --> 00:23:36,714
BOTH: A week?
621
00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:38,714
Boy, it sure seemed like a month.
622
00:23:38,714 --> 00:23:40,929
( LAUGHING )
623
00:23:44,786 --> 00:23:46,571
Well, you know something?
624
00:23:46,571 --> 00:23:48,071
Having buddy here wasn't really so bad.
625
00:23:48,071 --> 00:23:50,571
No. but just the same, I'm really looking forward
626
00:23:50,643 --> 00:23:52,500
to a good night's sleep, aren't you?
627
00:23:52,571 --> 00:23:54,571
Oh, boy, am I ever?
628
00:23:54,571 --> 00:23:56,071
Well, goodnight, honey.
629
00:23:56,071 --> 00:23:58,143
Goodnight.
630
00:24:11,786 --> 00:24:13,571
Listen.
631
00:24:13,571 --> 00:24:14,929
I don't hear anything.
632
00:24:14,929 --> 00:24:17,643
I know.
633
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:21,000
It's been that way all night.
634
00:24:21,071 --> 00:24:24,929
No gargling, no whimpering, no cello playing.
635
00:24:24,929 --> 00:24:26,929
It's so quiet, I can't sleep.
636
00:24:30,714 --> 00:24:31,643
Penny a point?
637
00:24:31,643 --> 00:24:32,929
Deal.
638
00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:36,929
( MUSIC PLAYING )44947
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