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ANNOUNCER: So if you think your child has talent,
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send his or her picture to "The Alan Brady Show"
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in care of this station.
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Maybe your child will be chosen
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as this year's most gifted youngster.
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Goodnight, all.
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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Well, pretty good show tonight.
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Yes, it was.
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You gonna send in my picture, daddy?
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No, Rich, I'm not.
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You send it in, mommy.
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Maybe I'll win those gifts.
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Sweetheart, they're not giving gifts away.
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They're looking for gifted children.
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That means children who have performing talent.
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Do I have that?
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Well, not that we know of as yet.
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When will you know?
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Well, Rich, we kind of know now.
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You don't sing or dance or play an instrument.
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I can sing.
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I can sing "America." Want to hear it?
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~ O beautiful for spacious skies ~
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~ For amber waves of grain
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Yes, very good, Rich.
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~ For purple mountain majesties ~
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~ Above the fruited plain!
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Rob: that's enough, Rich.
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~ America! America!
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He's very good, isn't he, honey?
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~ God shed his grace on thee
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~ And crown thy good with brotherhood ~
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That's very good. That's very--
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( AUDIENCE LAUGHTER THROUGHOUT )
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~ America!
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Okay.
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Laura: Richie, honey .
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That's very good, dear,
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but I don't think you're quite ready for television.
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Oh.
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Won't you get me on the show anyway, daddy?
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It's your show.
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Well, it isn't really my show, Rich.
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I just write it.
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All right, Richie, it's time for bed.
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Go brush your teeth.
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Okay.
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Come on, now. Hop.
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You know something?
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I think we're raising a comedian.
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( DOORBELL )
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would you mind if he went into television?
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No, not if he had talent.
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Think he has any hidden talent?
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Well hey, if he has, it's very well hidden.
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Oh, hi, Jerry. Hi, Rob.
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Come on in. Hi, Jerry.
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Hi, Laura.
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Hey, Rob, you sure wrote a great show tonight.
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Thank you.
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Coming from you, boy, that's high praise.
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I'll say.
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For that, I offer coffee. Coffee?
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Well, what have you got to go with it?
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Fresh cheese and crackers or stale doughnuts.
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I'll have the stale doughnuts.
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It'll give me an excuse to dunk.
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Me too, honey.
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All right. I hope I didn't throw them away.
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She's got a lot of class, you know?
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Sit down.
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Thanks.
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Say, Rob, that thing at the end of the show,
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was that on the level,
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about kids sending in pictures
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and auditioning for that contest?
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Oh, yeah, Alan Brady does it every year.
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Say, do they get to read all those thousands of letters
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that come in? Oh, yeah, they read 'em.
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You'd be surprised how many parents think
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their kids have talent.
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Yeah, but don't some of those others
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get lost in the shuffle?
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You know, Millie was gonna send in
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a picture of our daughter.
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Ellen's a whiz at the piano, but I told her not to bother.
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They'd never get around to reading all that mail.
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Well, no, they'd open yours, Jer.
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Jerry: you know what occurred to me?
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What?
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Well, I thought maybe you might arrange
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an audition for Ellen.
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You know, sort of cut through the red tape.
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( LAUGHING ) Gee, I don't know, Jer.
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Here we are, fresh coffee and stale doughnuts.
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Start dunking, fellas.
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Laura, you've seen my daughter, Ellen,
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play the piano.
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Yes, I went to her debut at the music school.
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Tell Rob how she plays.
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She plays very well.
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You hear that? Very well.
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What a repertoire she's got.
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Look, I've written it down.
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"Yankee Doodle Dandy," "The Wigwam Dance,"
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"Three Blind Mice," "A Frog He Would A Wooing Go,"
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"Rum Tum Tum," "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
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and the "Cantata For Witches And Elves." Hah?
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Seven pieces.
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That kid has learned seven pieces by heart
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in less than six months.
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I mean, she's great, Rob.
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Isn't she great, Laura?
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Yes, she is, Jer, but why are you shouting?
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I mean, Rob didn't say she wasn't.
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Jerry would like me to use my influence
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to get his daughter an audition.
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Oh, can't you?
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Well, yeah, I can, but--
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But what?
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Frankly, Jerry, if I do it for you,
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I'll have the whole neighborhood on my back
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to do 'em the same favor.
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Rob, there isn't that much talent
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in this neighborhood.
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Darling, would it be too difficult
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to arrange the audition?
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No, I suppose not.
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I'll see what I can do, Jerry.
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Oh, thanks, Rob.
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Those are gonna take a lot of dunking.
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( PHONE RINGING )
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I'll get it.
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Hello?
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Yes, he is. Just a minute.
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It's for you, darling. A lady.
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Hah, how do you like that?
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They know I'm happily married.
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They just won't give up.
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( LAUGHING )
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Here, keep this dunked for me, will you?
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Certainly.
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Hello?
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Uh, who?
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No, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't--
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well, oh, uh, where did we meet?
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At the PTA.
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Oh yes, how are you, Mrs. Grousstark?
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Uh-huh, well, yes,
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well, I'd love to do that but--
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well, no, why don't you just mail--
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Ha, ha, no, look, I'm sure your son has talent but--
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no, Mrs. Grousstark--
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Mrs. Grousstark,
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there's no reason for me to see your son perform.
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Because I'm not the judge.
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Look, if you think he has talent, just--
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Ha, ha, Miss Grous--
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( STAMMERS )
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mail it here.
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Sorry, I didn't mean to shout,
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I didn't realize you were through talking.
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Just mail it to me.
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Yeah, oh, you're quite welcome.
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Goodbye, Mrs. Grousstark.
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Oh boy, how do you like that?
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Mrs. Grousstark is gonna have you
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handle the audition personally?
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That's right.
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Boy, that's a lot of nerve.
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Oh, Jerry. Now, look--
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( phone ringing )
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Robert Petrie's talent agency?
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Oh, hello, mayor.
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Yes, sir, this is Robert Petrie.
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It's the mayor.
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Yes, sir.
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Yes, I'm connected with "The Alan Brady Show,"
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that's right, mayor.
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Yes, I could do that.
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No, no, no, no trouble at all.
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It's my pleasure.
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Well, listen, if you say she has talent,
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I'm sure she has.
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After all, you're the mayor.
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( GIGGLING )
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It was just a joke.
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Oh, is that so?
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Gee, that's a long poem, 19 stanzas?
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Really? While she's roller skating.
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I don't believe I've ever seen anyone do that.
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Yes, I'd love to hear her skate-- uh, recite.
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Not now, mayor, uh, your honor--
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Oh, hello, Cynthia.
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Yes, your daddy was just telling me.
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Well, you don't have to recite all 19 stanzas-- you do?
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Uh, yes, go right ahead, Cynthia.
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Yes, I hear the skates.
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Oops! ( GIGGLING )
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She fell down.
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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( THEME MUSIC )
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SALLY: Okay, kids, come on in.
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That's it.
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Why don't you sit over here, honey.
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That's it, over there.
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And you sit over here until they call you
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for the audition, okay?
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Now do either of you want a drink of water or something?
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Well, if you want anything, just let me know.
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Aunt Sally's gonna catch up on some typing.
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Aunt Sally?
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Yes, Florian?
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What do you want?
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Could I have an "a"?
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An egg?
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No, an "A" from the piano.
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Oh.
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( PLAYS A NOTE )
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That's a flat.
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( PLAYS A NOTE REPEATEDLY )
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( PLUCKING STRING )
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Thanks.
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You're welcome.
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Rotten little kid's got a good ear.
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Sally, I wonder if you'd mind--
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Oh, the auditions are down the hall.
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Uh, Mel, they're with me.
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This is my neighbor's sister's kid, Florian,
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and this is my butcher's granddaughter, Annia.
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And what do they do?
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What do they do?
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Well, this one's a brain surgeon.
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What do you mean, what do they do?
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I mean, what are they doing here?
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Did they send in their photographs and biographies?
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Well, no, they thought I could cut through the red tape.
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I mean, it's all right, isn't it, Mel?
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Well, I don't know whether I like that.
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It doesn't seem right to me.
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Somehow, it seems illegal.
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What seems illegal?
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Well, I brought some kids in for the audition
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and Mel wants to have me arrested.
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What's the matter with that, Mel?
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Hi, kids.
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These kids didn't go through the proper channels.
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Oh!
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Well, you don't approve, do you, Rob?
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Let me put it this way, Mel.
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Come in, kids.
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Just find seats wherever you can,
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over on the sofa there.
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Yeah, there's enough room over there.
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Now, you sit right there.
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( CYMBALS CRASHING ) Oh!
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A little later.
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You know, I don't approve, Mel,
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but what are you gonna do
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when you've got a neighborhood full of talented kids?
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Hey, wait for me.
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That's Cynthia, the mayor's daughter.
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Honey, you don't have to do it now.
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Just sit down there with this little girl
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until we call you.
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Oh, am I late for school?
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Yeah, about 30 years.
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What's this?
270
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,125
What do you mean, "what's this?"
271
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:23,958
What does it look like?
272
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,625
It's a room full of talented children.
273
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:27,917
What does the big one do?
274
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:32,333
Rob, it's 10:15.
275
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,958
Hey, he tells time. Very good.
276
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:37,625
Come on, buddy. Look, it is late.
277
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:39,083
We've got a whole script to write over there.
278
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:41,208
Yes, and you have seven children to audition.
279
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,125
We have to audition?
280
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,083
Yes, you.
281
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:45,125
What do you mean, "we"?
282
00:09:45,292 --> 00:09:46,958
You brought 'em, you audition them.
283
00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,375
I've got a rehearsal hall full of children
284
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,417
whose parents went through the proper channels.
285
00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:52,458
Excuse me.
286
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,417
There he goes, folks, the great American emblem,
287
00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:55,667
the bald eagle.
288
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,667
Well, looks like we're stuck.
289
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,292
We may as well start auditioning.
290
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:03,333
Yeah.
291
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,083
Hey, buddy, how come you escaped your neighbors
292
00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:06,625
and their talented children?
293
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,750
Who escaped?
294
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,083
Ta-da!
295
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,333
All right, you sit there, son.
296
00:10:14,458 --> 00:10:15,708
Honey, you sit over there.
297
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,250
Good, and Frankie.
298
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,625
Well, you see, Mrs. Petrie, we missed the program
299
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,083
and we didn't know anything about the audition.
300
00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:29,333
When do you think Mr. Petrie will be home?
301
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,083
I'd love him to hear Kenneth sing.
302
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:33,208
Sit up straight, dear.
303
00:10:33,375 --> 00:10:34,750
Well, he'll be home soon
304
00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:36,333
but I know he's gonna be very tired.
305
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,208
Oh, when he hears Kenneth sing,
306
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,167
he'll perk up, ha, ha, ha.
307
00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:42,000
Everybody does.
308
00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:45,125
Kenneth is an unusually gifted child.
309
00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:47,417
Take your hands out of your pockets.
310
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,417
Well, I'm sure Kenneth is gifted
311
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,750
but, you see, my husband only writes the show.
312
00:10:52,917 --> 00:10:54,625
Now I'd suggest you contact the producer.
313
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:56,250
That's the way the auditions are being arranged.
314
00:10:56,417 --> 00:10:58,417
Oh, but Mrs. Grousstark and Mrs. Helper
315
00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:01,208
and the mayor said your husband arranged auditions for them.
316
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,125
They didn't have to go through all that red tape.
317
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,250
Well, he did but you see that was--
318
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:07,417
Well, I'm sure he'd be happy to do the same favor for me.
319
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,625
LAURA: Well, I don't know, Mrs.--
320
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,208
actually, in a sense,
321
00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:12,750
we would be doing Mr. Petrie the favor.
322
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:14,042
We will?
323
00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:14,792
Yes.
324
00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:16,125
Wouldn't it be a feather in his cap
325
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:17,417
to be able to say that he discovered
326
00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:20,083
the most gifted child of the year?
327
00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:22,750
No candy now, Kenneth.
328
00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:27,042
I'm sure Kenneth is gifted--
329
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,417
MRS. KENDALL: Uh, tell me, when did you say
330
00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:30,708
you expect Mr. Petrie?
331
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,375
Well, not for several hours.
332
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:33,333
As a matter of fact,
333
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,250
I don't think he'll be in before midnight.
334
00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:37,375
Hi, honey, I'm home.
335
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,083
Well, here he is now.
336
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,250
Darling, what a surprise.
337
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,208
Hello, Mr. Petrie.
338
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:44,250
Hello.
339
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:47,167
Honey, I didn't expect you for at least six hours.
340
00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:49,375
Oh, well, traffic was good.
341
00:11:53,292 --> 00:11:56,750
Darling, this is Mrs. Kendall, the mayor's sister.
342
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,167
The mayor's sister.
343
00:11:58,292 --> 00:11:59,750
You don't have to introduce us.
344
00:11:59,875 --> 00:12:01,333
We're old friends.
345
00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:02,250
We are?
346
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:03,583
I mean, have we met before?
347
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,750
You don't remember me, Mr. Petrie?
348
00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:08,250
Last summer, the supermarket?
349
00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:11,292
I was the one that told you how much I liked your show.
350
00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:12,333
Oh, were you the one?
351
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,417
( LAUGHING ) Yeah.
352
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,125
Darling, Mrs. Kendall wanted you to hear
353
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:17,833
her son, Kenneth, sing, and I was telling her
354
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,250
I thought it would be better if she talked to the producer.
355
00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:21,042
Yes, much better.
356
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,292
You see, I'm not in a position--
357
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,708
Mr. Petrie, have you ever heard
358
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:28,250
a 10-year-old boy sing an entire Italian opera?
359
00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:30,250
No, I don't believe I have.
360
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,208
Well, then you're in for a big treat
361
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:34,125
because you're going to.
362
00:12:34,292 --> 00:12:35,125
Oh, wonderful.
363
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,458
Come to the piano, Kenneth.
364
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:44,667
Mrs. Kendall, my husband hasn't had his dinner yet.
365
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:45,625
Good.
366
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,250
Kenneth, put that candy down.
367
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:51,375
Uh, what do we do now?
368
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:53,167
I'm sure she'll tell us.
369
00:12:53,292 --> 00:12:54,208
Sit down you two.
370
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,292
There you are.
371
00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:58,208
MRS. KENDALL: all right, Kenneth.
372
00:12:58,375 --> 00:12:59,250
Sing your opera.
373
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:00,792
With expression.
374
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:06,333
"Don Giovanni" by Wolfgang A-mee-dius Mozart.
375
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:07,458
Mote-zart.
376
00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,333
Mote-zart.
377
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:18,792
( PIANO PLAYING )
378
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:28,292
~ La ci darem la mano la mi dirai di s ~
379
00:13:28,417 --> 00:13:38,208
~ Vedi, non e lontano, partiam ben mio, da qui ~
380
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:41,792
How long does an opera last?
381
00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:44,333
At this tempo, I'd say 'til Thursday.
382
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:52,333
~ Mi trema un poco il cor felice e ver sarei ~
383
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:57,458
~ Ma puo burlarmi ancor!
384
00:13:57,667 --> 00:14:01,208
~ Ma puo burlarmi ancor!
385
00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:08,333
Ah, well, thank you so much for your time, Mr. Petrie.
386
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:09,417
Come on, Kenneth.
387
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,917
Isn't it amazing how time flies?
388
00:14:14,042 --> 00:14:16,500
I'll bet you didn't know that you've been listening
389
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:17,708
for over two hours.
390
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:18,583
Two hours.
391
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,708
Gee, time really flies when you're hungry--
392
00:14:20,833 --> 00:14:22,750
when you're enjoying yourself.
393
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:23,667
Yes, well, goodnight.
394
00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:26,542
And say goodnight to Mrs. Petrie for me.
395
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,750
I do hope her headache goes away.
396
00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:30,375
Yeah, I think it's going.
397
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:36,583
Oh, shake hands with Mr. Petrie and sing "Adios."
398
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:40,667
~ A-di-osssss!
399
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,417
Ha, ha, ha, isn't that cute?
400
00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:43,583
Yes.
401
00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:44,542
Goodnight, Mrs. Kendall.
402
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:45,417
MRS. KENDALL: What's the matter with you,
403
00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:47,708
getting chocolate all over Mr. Petrie?
404
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,333
Has she gone?
405
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,917
Yeah, but not a minute too soon.
406
00:14:57,042 --> 00:14:58,792
How can people be that way?
407
00:14:58,917 --> 00:15:00,625
Oh, honey, it's really my fault.
408
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:01,458
( PHONE RINGING )
409
00:15:01,625 --> 00:15:02,292
I should have just been strong with her
410
00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:05,333
and told her to go through channels.
411
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,625
( PHONE RINGING )
412
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:09,583
- hello?
413
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,458
Yes, this is he.
414
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:12,583
Who?
415
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:13,875
Mr. Mathias?
416
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,792
Do I know you?
417
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,417
Oh, I see.
418
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,792
New neighbor, with children.
419
00:15:18,958 --> 00:15:19,792
Talented children?
420
00:15:19,958 --> 00:15:20,792
Are there any other kind?
421
00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:23,875
What's that, Mr. Mathias?
422
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,458
You'd like to come over this evening and get acquainted?
423
00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:27,500
Ah-huh. by any chance,
424
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:29,792
would you like to bring your children over too?
425
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:31,458
Ah, I thought so.
426
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,833
Look, Mr. Mathias, I'd love to get together
427
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,292
and meet with you some time
428
00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:38,417
but not until the gifted child contest is over.
429
00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:41,667
Now, is that all right with you? Fine.
430
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:42,958
Rob, that didn't sound like you.
431
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:44,667
Good. When I sound like me,
432
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,458
I end up doing things I don't want to do.
433
00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:48,667
No more auditioning children?
434
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:49,875
Oh, not if I can help it.
435
00:15:50,042 --> 00:15:51,875
I think I just found the way to do it too.
436
00:15:52,042 --> 00:15:54,958
Think, act and talk mean.
437
00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:56,333
Now how about some dinner?
438
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,500
Yes, sir.
439
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:58,833
Hey, that works.
440
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:03,542
~ La ci darem la mano
441
00:16:03,708 --> 00:16:04,833
Laura!
442
00:16:04,958 --> 00:16:06,375
Sorry.
443
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:07,500
Better.
444
00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:25,667
That's him. That's my father.
445
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:26,875
He looks short.
446
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,667
No, he's tall.
447
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:30,542
He's sleeping scrunched up.
448
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:34,375
Yeah, there's his knees.
449
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,708
Who's that over there?
450
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,500
That's my mother.
451
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:51,542
Is your mother pretty?
452
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:52,875
I don't know. Daddy says so.
453
00:16:53,042 --> 00:16:54,375
When will he get up?
454
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:56,375
Soon. Can't you wake him up?
455
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:58,708
RITCHIE: No, daddy hollers when I wake him up.
456
00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:00,125
Maybe we could pull the covers down.
457
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,625
Yeah, pull the covers down.
458
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:03,417
Yes, pull the covers down.
459
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:17,792
See, I told you, Tiger pajamas.
460
00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:19,542
Yeah, they're very nice pajamas.
461
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:20,833
Yeah, they're nice pajamas.
462
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:21,917
Nice pajamas.
463
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,500
Like a real tiger, huh?
464
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,417
Yeah, like a real tiger.
465
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:26,833
I want to see the tiger's face.
466
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,750
Shhh. The tiger's moving.
467
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:32,458
What? Whoo!
468
00:17:32,625 --> 00:17:34,750
Laura? Laura?
469
00:17:34,917 --> 00:17:36,875
Richie, what are you doing in here?
470
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,583
I was just showing my friends daddy's new pajamas.
471
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:41,750
Rich.
472
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:43,708
I've told you not to wake daddy up when he's sleeping.
473
00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:44,583
And who are those people?
474
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,792
They're not people. They're my friends.
475
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,917
I've never seen you children before, have I?
476
00:17:51,042 --> 00:17:52,958
No, you haven't, Mrs. Petrie.
477
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,167
Rich, how many times have I told you
478
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,792
not to disturb daddy on his day off?
479
00:17:56,917 --> 00:17:59,500
They wanted to see the tiger pajamas.
480
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:00,375
Oh, did they?
481
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,542
We just moved into the neighborhood.
482
00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:02,417
Well, there must be other things in this neighborhood
483
00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,917
to explore besides my pajamas.
484
00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:07,458
Rob, calm down.
485
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,958
Well, Laura, really, I mean, this is too much,
486
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:10,708
coming right in our bedroom.
487
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,208
Now, why did you kids really come here?
488
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,208
My father sent me over to introduce myself,
489
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,167
my brother and sister.
490
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,250
Oh.
491
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,875
Your name wouldn't happen to be Mathias, would it?
492
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,625
Yes.
493
00:18:19,792 --> 00:18:21,208
The man who called last night?
494
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,792
Uh-huh, that's right.
495
00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:25,667
All right, which of you wants to sing or dance?
496
00:18:25,792 --> 00:18:26,750
I dance a little.
497
00:18:26,875 --> 00:18:27,917
Martin's a good dancer.
498
00:18:28,042 --> 00:18:29,500
Yes, dance, Martin.
499
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:30,917
Hold it.
500
00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:33,542
Nobody dances in this bedroom except me.
501
00:18:35,125 --> 00:18:35,833
Come on, children,
502
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,875
I think it's time you all went home now.
503
00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:39,917
ROB: That's an excellent idea.
504
00:18:40,042 --> 00:18:41,500
Come on, out.
505
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:42,333
ROB: Uh, Martin?
506
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,500
Yes, sir? Would you tell your daddy
507
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:45,542
that you and your brother and sister
508
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:48,167
can come over to our house any time you feel like
509
00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:50,750
to play but not to dance.
510
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:51,917
Yes, sir, I'll tell him.
511
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,167
I've never seen you dance in the bedroom.
512
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:02,500
Oh!
513
00:19:07,042 --> 00:19:09,000
( DOORBELL SOUNDS )
514
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:10,292
I'll get it. I'll get it, honey.
515
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,250
Oh.
516
00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,292
( DOORBELL SOUNDS )
517
00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:17,833
BOTH: I thought you said you were gonna get it.
518
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,042
( GIGGLING ) let's both get it.
519
00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:25,708
ROB: Yes? Mr. Petrie?
520
00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:27,667
ROB: That's right. I'm George Mathias.
521
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,708
Oh yes, Mr. Mathias.
522
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,625
I'd like to speak with you if you have a moment.
523
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,208
Well, I tell you, it's my day off.
524
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:34,750
Won't take long, I promise you.
525
00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:36,542
Well, all right. Come in.
526
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:40,917
I came to speak to you about my son, Martin.
527
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:42,708
Oh, Martin?
528
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,750
Yes, my older boy.
529
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:44,708
I see.
530
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,917
Mr. Mathias, I think I ought to tell you
531
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,917
my husband is not a talent scout,
532
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:50,333
nor is he a producer.
533
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:52,250
He's also not a very good neighbor.
534
00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:54,750
What? He is a very good neighbor.
535
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:57,667
He wasn't very neighborly to me last night on the phone
536
00:19:57,792 --> 00:19:59,250
or to my children this morning.
537
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:02,333
Mr. Mathias, did it ever occur to you
538
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:04,750
that to send a group of kids over to my house
539
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:06,917
to invade my bedroom and wake me up
540
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:07,917
just to audition for me
541
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,333
was also not a very neighborly thing to do?
542
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,208
Mr. Petrie, are you in the habit
543
00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:14,750
of auditioning friends for your son?
544
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:17,250
Friends for my son?
545
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,625
Is that why you called here last night?
546
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:19,750
I called here last night
547
00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:21,750
because I'm new in this neighborhood.
548
00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:22,917
I was told that you had a son
549
00:20:23,042 --> 00:20:24,917
the same age as my boy Philip.
550
00:20:25,042 --> 00:20:25,750
Oh my.
551
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:26,625
Oh my is right.
552
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,208
You called to find a friend for Philip?
553
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:30,792
Yes.
554
00:20:30,958 --> 00:20:32,333
Mr. Mathias, I'm afraid that we owe you
555
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:33,833
a very large apology.
556
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,667
Oh, please sit down.
557
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:38,792
Honestly, my husband and I are very nice people.
558
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:41,333
Well, I had heard that you were.
559
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:42,958
Yeah, it's just that the last few days
560
00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:44,833
have been kind of hectic for me.
561
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000
You see, I write "The Alan Brady Show."
562
00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,917
Really? One of my favorite shows,
563
00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:50,292
though I haven't seen it lately.
564
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,667
Well, then, you didn't even know about the contest?
565
00:20:52,833 --> 00:20:53,875
What contest?
566
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:54,875
Oh boy.
567
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,167
Well, every year, Alan Brady holds auditions
568
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,208
to select the most gifted child of the year.
569
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:00,875
All my neighbors have been badgering me
570
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,208
to use my influence to get them auditioned.
571
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:05,292
Well, let me assure you, Mr. Petrie,
572
00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:07,292
I didn't know anything about the contest.
573
00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:08,958
Oh, well, I hope you understand.
574
00:21:09,125 --> 00:21:10,667
You will accept my apology?
575
00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:12,333
Why, of course I will.
576
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:13,417
And please tell Philip
577
00:21:13,542 --> 00:21:14,917
he's most welcome to come over here
578
00:21:15,042 --> 00:21:16,875
and play with Richie any time he wants to.
579
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:17,667
Well, thank you.
580
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,417
Can I fix you some coffee? No thanks.
581
00:21:19,542 --> 00:21:21,208
I'd better get on home, tell the Missus
582
00:21:21,375 --> 00:21:23,792
you're not quite the monsters I described you to be.
583
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:24,792
( LAUGHING )
584
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:25,292
Do that, will you?
585
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:29,792
Oh, by the way, Mr. Petrie, did you find any talented kids?
586
00:21:29,917 --> 00:21:30,833
Frankly, no.
587
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:32,750
The whole thing was a great big waste of time.
588
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,167
That's too bad.
589
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,833
I just can never understand
590
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,792
how some parents can delude themselves
591
00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:40,750
into thinking their children have talent.
592
00:21:40,875 --> 00:21:41,917
Sort of a shame.
593
00:21:42,042 --> 00:21:43,000
Why a shame?
594
00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:44,375
Well, it makes it twice as tough
595
00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:46,917
for kids who have real talent to get noticed.
596
00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:49,958
Uh, do you know any kid with real talent?
597
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:51,667
No, I don't. Good.
598
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:53,292
'cept my son, Martin.
599
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,958
Martin has real talent?
600
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,875
Oh, he's fantastic.
601
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,708
He never took a lesson in his life.
602
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,375
He saw some Spanish dancers on television one time.
603
00:22:04,542 --> 00:22:06,375
He can imitate them to perfection.
604
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,208
Well, you'd think you were watching what's his name?
605
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:10,250
Jos� Greco.
606
00:22:10,417 --> 00:22:11,875
( LAUGHING ) yeah, Jos� Greco, yeah.
607
00:22:12,917 --> 00:22:15,333
Darling, would you like Mr. Mathias
608
00:22:15,458 --> 00:22:17,875
to bring his son, Martin, over for an audition?
609
00:22:18,042 --> 00:22:20,417
Oh, no siree, I wouldn't bother Mr. Petrie.
610
00:22:20,583 --> 00:22:23,458
Not after hearing how much he's been annoyed all week.
611
00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:24,875
Some other time, perhaps.
612
00:22:25,042 --> 00:22:25,917
How about in an hour?
613
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:26,792
You got a record player?
614
00:22:26,917 --> 00:22:27,542
Yes, we do.
615
00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:28,750
I'll be back in an hour.
616
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:31,875
A half hour.
617
00:22:34,458 --> 00:22:35,750
You know, honey, you have a big mouth?
618
00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:42,083
MR. MATHIAS: Yeah, that's okay.
619
00:22:42,208 --> 00:22:44,125
That should hold together fine.
620
00:22:44,292 --> 00:22:46,375
Hope you don't mind my bringing these boards over here
621
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,375
but you'll be able to hear these marvelous clicks
622
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:49,417
he makes with his heels.
623
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:51,917
Ah-hah, he makes marvelous clicks with his heels.
624
00:22:52,042 --> 00:22:53,750
MR. MATHIAS: also protect your rug.
625
00:22:53,917 --> 00:22:55,750
I'm gonna put the record on now. Are you ready, Martin?
626
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:56,625
MARTIN: Ready. Here's the record.
627
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:59,500
You watch now, just like Jos� Greco.
628
00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,375
( FLAMENCO MUSIC )
629
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,083
( HEELS CLICKING WITH MUSIC )
630
00:24:23,708 --> 00:24:26,583
( APPLAUSE )
631
00:24:26,708 --> 00:24:29,792
( CHEERING AND CONGRATULATING )
632
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:40,542
( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )43943
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