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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:02,336 I'm Dick Van Dyke. 2 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,379 Our show's on in a new time spot: 3 00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:05,339 Right now. 4 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,176 ( MUSIC PLAYING ) 5 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,762 Who's this, Daddy? 6 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,431 Oh, that's you, Ritch, when you were two weeks old. 7 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,766 I was bald. 8 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,434 He, heh, you sure were. 9 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,312 Daddy? 10 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:20,979 Hmm? 11 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:24,066 Where did I come from? 12 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,317 What did you say, Ritch? 13 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,988 I said, "where did I come from?" 14 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,491 Oh, ha, well, ha, ha, ha. 15 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,284 That's what I thought you said but, honey, 16 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,454 did you hear what Ritchie just asked? 17 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,414 Yes, I heard, darling. 18 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,416 Where did I come from, Daddy? 19 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,086 Well, Ritch, that's kind of complicated. 20 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:47,297 I don't think we have time to go into it right now. 21 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,174 When will we have the time? 22 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,175 Well, I don't know. 23 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,427 Honey, when do you think we might have the time? 24 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,181 Well, darling, I think we have the time. 25 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,183 After all, Ritchie doesn't have to go to bed 26 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,142 for another half hour or so. 27 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,312 Ritchie, you're not too sleepy now, are you? 28 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,523 No, I want to hear where I came from. 29 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,733 Well, let's see. 30 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:11,738 First off, oh, uh, where's Dr. Spock? 31 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,536 Ritch, where do you think you came from? 32 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:19,329 Same place Granny Helper did. 33 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,539 New Jersey. 34 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,374 New Jersey? 35 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,251 He's not ready for this. 36 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,255 Ritch, you didn't come from New Jersey. 37 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,507 You came from New York, don't you remember that? 38 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,384 Oh, yeah, I forgot. 39 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,220 But I remember about the laundry truck. 40 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,180 The laundry truck? 41 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,098 How did you know about that? 42 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,516 Daddy told me. 43 00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:40,559 You liked that? 44 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,227 I must have told him that when he was four years old. 45 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,395 I didn't think you'd remember that. 46 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,231 You said the laundry man brought me. 47 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,944 Is that what modern daddies tell their children 48 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,070 about the facts of life? 49 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,364 I think you got the story a little mixed up, Ritch. 50 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,242 Tell me the story, Daddy, about the laundry truck. 51 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,452 Well, actually the laundry truck 52 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,495 doesn't come into the story until the day you were born. 53 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,497 Yeah, that's the story I want to hear, 54 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,373 about the day I was born. 55 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,959 Oh, that was a pretty exciting 24 hours. 56 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,253 Were you there, Mommy? 57 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,465 I was there. 58 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:15,135 Good. 59 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,262 Well, Mommy and I, we went to bed that night. 60 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,098 We were kind of expecting you might be born just that night 61 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,975 so we were lying in bed, reading, 62 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,102 and wondering when you were gonna be born. 63 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,112 Honey, how do you feel? 64 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,280 Fine. 65 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,490 You sure? 66 00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:38,534 I'm sure. 67 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,369 You're not just saying that? 68 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,371 Rob, why would I just say that? 69 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,498 I know you, you don't want me to worry. 70 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:46,208 Honey, will you relax? 71 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,168 I'm trying to read. 72 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,127 Honey, how can you read when 73 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,338 you know you might be a mother any minute? 74 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,467 Honey, I'm not gonna be a mother any minute. 75 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,010 Look, I was with you when your doctor said 76 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,971 it could be any day now. 77 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,473 He said "any day," not "any minute." 78 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:04,226 Yeah, well, hey, that was three days ago. 79 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,563 Don't you feel anything funny? 80 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,524 I do feel something. 81 00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:11,316 Funny? 82 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,317 No. 83 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,194 I feel you're gonna have a nervous breakdown 84 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:17,447 if you don't relax and go to sleep. 85 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,365 Now relax. 86 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:21,118 I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed. 87 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,494 Well, you don't look it. 88 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,537 Believe me, darling, 89 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,581 the best thing you can do for me is to go to sleep. 90 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,082 I'll call you if anything happens. 91 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:30,460 All right, honey. I'll try to get some sleep. 92 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,462 You call me if anything happens. 93 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:33,505 Who else would I call? 94 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,424 I had a cousin called a cab. 95 00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,344 She didn't want to disturb her husband. 96 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,221 I promise I'll disturb you. Now go to sleep. 97 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,141 Okay, honey. 98 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,517 Honey? 99 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,144 Hm? 100 00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:48,562 Give me one of those. 101 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,190 I'll do that. 102 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,409 Honey, what are you reading? 103 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,078 What to do before the doctor comes. 104 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,205 What are you reading that for? 105 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,540 You expect something to happen before the doctor comes? 106 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,000 No, Rob. 107 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,543 I'm just reading to get sleepy. 108 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,544 Honey, you never have any trouble getting to sleep. 109 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:13,504 Why can't you go to sleep? 110 00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,215 Because I'm married to the noisiest husband 111 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:18,217 in New York State. 112 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:20,219 Honey! 113 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,470 Sorry, honey. I'm just trying to-- 114 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,513 I'll call a cab. 115 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,388 All right, all right. 116 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,224 You won't hear another word out of me 117 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:27,059 unless you call me, all right? 118 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,393 All right. 119 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,026 Oh dear. 120 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,444 What's the matter? What? 121 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,112 What? 122 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,989 You said, "Oh dear." 123 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:41,782 I was just sighing. 124 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,408 Well, honey, at a time like this, 125 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,536 don't sigh unless you really mean it. 126 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:49,998 I'll try not to. 127 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,041 Goodnight. 128 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,584 Goodnight. 129 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,295 ( SIGHING ) 130 00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:57,589 ( ALARM CLOCK RINGING ) 131 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,258 It's time! 132 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:08,267 Honey! 133 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,268 I am perfectly all-- 134 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,103 I'll get the car. I'll call the hospital. 135 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:12,437 Rob, I am perfectly all right. 136 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,481 I just dropped the alarm clock. 137 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,571 You don't feel anything funny? 138 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,531 No. Look at you. 139 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,408 In your suit again. 140 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,410 Rob, take those clothes off and go to sleep. 141 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,619 Now, just never mind about the suit. 142 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,168 Doctor says, "Any day now, any day now," 143 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,462 probably a week before-- 144 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,547 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show." 145 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:24,176 ( MUSIC PLAYING ) 146 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,696 Jerry, would you please get off the extension, honey, 147 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,741 I want to make a quick call to Laura and see how she is. 148 00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,201 Thank you. 149 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,791 ( PHONE RINGING ) 150 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,508 Hello? 151 00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:05,300 Hello? 152 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,093 Hello? 153 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,303 Laura? Laura, honey. She took a cab. 154 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,765 Hey, what happened? Are you all right? 155 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,225 Rob, I'm fine. 156 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,726 Oh, honey, why didn't you wake me up? 157 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,727 Now, don't-- just keep calm. 158 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,646 I'll be down to the hospital in 20 minutes. 159 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,189 Hospital? Rob? 160 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:19,982 Oh, Millie, is that you? 161 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,733 Oh, good. Is the doctor there yet? 162 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,610 No, there's no doctor here. 163 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:24,862 Oh, well, he should be. What's the matter with him? 164 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,572 He should be there. Where is he? 165 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,906 Rob, will you get a hold of yourself? 166 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:28,699 Honey, just keep calm. 167 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,285 I'm leaving the house right now. 168 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,911 Now, Millie, you stay there with her. 169 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,538 Rob, I'm not with her. 170 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,664 You're--Millie! 171 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,833 How could you leave her alone in a strange hospital? 172 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:38,709 Rob! 173 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,128 Will you listen to me for one moment? 174 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,754 I am not in the hospital. 175 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,506 Where are you, honey? 176 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,507 I'm in the kitchen. 177 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:46,675 In the kitch-- 178 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,635 What are you doing in the kitchen? 179 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:49,845 Boiling some water. 180 00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,514 Boiling wa-- oh, my god. 181 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:53,765 What a woman! 182 00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,354 Rob! 183 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,565 Laura, what's all that screaming? 184 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:02,774 It's just Rob, Millie. 185 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,942 ( CRASHING ) 186 00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,569 He's on his way to the kitchen. 187 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:11,158 Honey, I'm just boiling water for eggs. 188 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,784 Well, what-- What are you boiling egg water 189 00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:15,287 at a time like this for? 190 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,872 Laura, what's going on? 191 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,625 What's Rob screaming about boiling eggs? 192 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,959 Laura, are you all right? 193 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,504 Millie, I'm fine. 194 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,881 Rob's just a little nervous and upset this morning. 195 00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,675 Listen, I'll call you later. Bye, bye. 196 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,802 Honey, don't ever do that to me again. 197 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:31,803 What did I do? 198 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,182 Well, call me from the kitchen about boiling water. 199 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:36,308 Rob, I didn't call you. 200 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,684 Millie called me. 201 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,937 Well, whoever did it, shouldn't have. 202 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,813 You're not making any sense this morning. 203 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,941 I didn't get much sleep last night. 204 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,192 Why not? 205 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,653 I was watching you. 206 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,655 Why were you watching me? 207 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,281 Well, you know what a sound sleeper you are. 208 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,282 I was afraid something might happen 209 00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:54,284 and you'd sleep through it. 210 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,291 You were gonna wake me in case it did? 211 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,501 I know it sounds crazy 212 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,504 but that's the way my mind works. 213 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,297 How much sleep did you get last night? 214 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:08,298 I'm all right, honey. I don't need much. 215 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,717 I got a little sleep this morning. 216 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:14,263 What time did you get to sleep? 217 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,557 Oh, about ten to eight. 218 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,851 What time is it now? 219 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,936 It's 8 o'clock. 220 00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,313 Good, I'll go right down to the office. 221 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,608 Ten minutes' sleep. 222 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,736 Fifth floor, please. "Alan Brady Show." 223 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,617 Did you really sleep with your clothes on, Daddy? 224 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:36,118 Well-- 225 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,119 Yes, he did, Ritch. 226 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,912 You see, when the time came for you to be born, 227 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,747 Daddy wanted to make sure he was ready 228 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,249 to drive me to the hospital. 229 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,917 But Daddy didn't drive you that night. 230 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,544 No, I didn't that night, 231 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,254 the next night or the next night. 232 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:47,963 The time didn't come? 233 00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:49,298 No, it didn't. 234 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,717 RITCHIE: did you sleep with your clothes on every night, Daddy? 235 00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:52,718 Yes, he did. 236 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,345 Did you sleep with your clothes on too, Mommy? 237 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,430 No, Ritch. 238 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,348 Didn't you want to drive with Daddy to the hospital 239 00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,850 to see me get born? 240 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:01,977 Ritch, 241 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,897 you couldn't have been born without mommy being there. 242 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:07,274 Oh, yeah, I forgot. 243 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,569 Now tell me about the laundry truck. 244 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,070 Ha, ha, oh, yeah, the laundry truck. 245 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,781 Well, about three days later, I was having breakfast. 246 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:15,949 In the laundry truck? 247 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,618 No, in the kitchen. 248 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:18,660 ( LAUGHING ) 249 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:19,620 Me too? 250 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,746 No, you weren't born yet. 251 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,581 Oh. 252 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,333 Well, anyway, I was sitting at the breakfast table 253 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,959 wondering if I'd ever be a Daddy, 254 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,544 fixing a piece of toast 255 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:28,879 I really didn't feel like eating. 256 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:38,597 Good morning, dear. 257 00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:39,932 Honey, what are you doing with those clothes? 258 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,099 I'm sending them to the cleaners 259 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,976 if you're gonna continue to sleep in them. 260 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,771 Well, you're not supposed to carry heavy things around. 261 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,940 Oh, Rob, I'm perfectly strong and healthy. 262 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,358 You sit down and finish your breakfast. 263 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,567 You'll be late for the office. 264 00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,069 Honey, I'm not going to the office today. 265 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,654 The doctor said it could be any day now, 266 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,530 and I got a funny feeling 267 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,657 that today's gonna be that "any day." 268 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:57,658 Well, I don't have a feeling 269 00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:00,536 so until I do, you might as well go to work. 270 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,078 ( KNOCKING ON DOOR ) 271 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,996 Come in. 272 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,540 Hi, Millie. coffee? 273 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,124 Yes, please. 274 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,794 Rob, did you know you forgot to turn off your car motor? 275 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,712 Oh, did I? 276 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,550 I was just coming back from driving Jerry to the station, 277 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,969 and I saw the smoke coming out of the exhaust. 278 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,763 Rob, was that motor running all night long? 279 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,056 No, of course it wasn't running all night long. 280 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,684 It's just been running since 6:30 this morning. 281 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,144 You started the car up at 6:30? 282 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,062 Well, about 6 o'clock, 283 00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,814 you started making a lot of funny noises 284 00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,817 in your sleep, and I wanted to be ready. 285 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,069 Millie, did you ever hear anything so ridiculous? 286 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:34,987 Yes, I have. 287 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,072 You know what Jerry did for one full week 288 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,782 before Ellen was born? 289 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,658 LAURA: What? 290 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,827 That fool slept with all his clothes on. 291 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,833 Where do you think I got the idea? 292 00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,628 I did it for you, honey. 293 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,172 Rob, if you really want to do something for me, 294 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,673 you'll go to work. 295 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:55,841 What if something happens? 296 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:56,758 I'll call you at the office. 297 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,677 You'd have plenty of time to get home. 298 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,762 Rob, this is your first baby and, as a rule, 299 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,890 first babies don't get born in a rush. 300 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,350 Well, suppose this baby doesn't know the rules? 301 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,979 Honey, in any event, Millie could drive me. 302 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:09,980 MILLIE: Sure. 303 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,857 Millie drive you to the hospital? 304 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:12,691 Yeah, what's wrong with that? 305 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,775 Well, it sounds kind of strange to me. 306 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:14,776 One expectant mother 307 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,570 driving another expectant mother to the hospital. 308 00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,113 Doesn't seem right. 309 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,867 Rob, go to work. 310 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,578 Yeah. 311 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,164 All right. 312 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,126 Where's my jacket? 313 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,586 Which one? 314 00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,713 The one that goes with these pants. 315 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,049 Oh, honey, I put it in that bundle of clothes. 316 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:38,592 I was gonna send it to the cleaners. 317 00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,052 Honey, it was the least wrinkled one I had of all. 318 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:43,013 I only slept in it one night. 319 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,599 I'm sorry. It looks terrible. 320 00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:46,975 Oh, it's all right, honey. Don't worry. 321 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,852 Look, you don't worry about anything 322 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:52,105 but having that baby, okay? 323 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:52,898 All right. 324 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:53,899 All right. 325 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,567 You go to the office and write a funny show. 326 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,318 Okay. 327 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,736 And don't worry about your wife. 328 00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,571 I'll stay here all day. 329 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,823 Oh, Mill, I really appreciate it, honest. 330 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,991 Bye. Bye. 331 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:10,791 Rob, what are you looking for? 332 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,168 My hat and coat. 333 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:14,878 You put the bundle of clothes on them. 334 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,672 Oh, that's right. 335 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:20,592 LAURA: Rob, for your sake, I hope this baby comes soon. 336 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,927 So do I. 337 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,095 When we call the doctor, he keeps saying, 338 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:24,596 "any day, any day, any day," and nothing ever happens. 339 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:25,806 Bye, honey. 340 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:38,777 Who'd I just kiss? 341 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:39,820 Me. 342 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,113 Oh, Millie, I'm sorry. 343 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:42,573 That's all right. 344 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:43,949 It's okay. bye, honey. 345 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,909 I'll call you the minute anything happens. 346 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,714 I really didn't feel like going to work that day, Ritch. 347 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,215 Where were you working, Daddy? 348 00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,633 Well, the same place we work now, 349 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,135 only we were in a different office. 350 00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:04,636 I really wanted to stay home with mommy 351 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,055 but I was so nervous I kept making mommy nervous 352 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057 so mommy suggested I go down to the office 353 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,143 where I could get a little peace and quiet. 354 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,686 Boy, was she wrong. 355 00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,646 RITCHIE: You didn't get any peace and quiet, Daddy? 356 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:17,149 No. I lost my pants and got a black eye. 357 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,820 Boy, that's one day I should have stayed home. 358 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,781 Oh, hi, Rob. Any news? 359 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,575 Hey, where's the cigars, Daddy? 360 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:27,784 No cigars yet. 361 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,786 I'm beginning to think I'm never gonna pass out any cigars. 362 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,163 Oh, I got a feeling you'll be a father 363 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,831 before the day is out. 364 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,249 Why do you say that? You hear something? 365 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,044 Oh, calm down, Rob. How could I hear anything? 366 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:37,753 Nobody phoned? 367 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,504 Nobody phoned. 368 00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,047 You're gonna iron these clothes? 369 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,216 You look like the best-dressed man at the city dump. 370 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,260 What's the matter? I've never seen you so jumpy. 371 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,803 Or so wrinkled. 372 00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,097 You look like you slept in a box of prunes. 373 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:51,683 I guess I do look pretty sloppy, don't i? 374 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,768 Wow! 375 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,353 Oh, I don't know, I think you look kind of cute. 376 00:14:54,353 --> 00:14:55,854 However, I don't think our boss, Alan Brady, 377 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,356 will appreciate your formal attire 378 00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:59,691 at the conference this afternoon. 379 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,193 Have we got a staff conference today? 380 00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:02,319 We have one every Thursday. 381 00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,154 Oh, my gosh, is this Thursday? 382 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,822 That's the rumor. 383 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,784 I can't wear this to the meeting. 384 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:09,409 Sure you can. 385 00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:10,702 Sally and I will wrinkle up 386 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,204 and we'll go as a three-piece set. 387 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,082 What am I gonna do? 388 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,250 Well, we could call the cleaners 389 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,252 and see if they can take out the curls. 390 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,253 Hey, that's a good idea, sal. 391 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,796 And ask 'em how fast I can get it, will you? 392 00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,339 Well, they have a 20-minute service. 393 00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:24,132 If we rush it, we can get it back in an hour. 394 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,718 Oh, good. Sal, turn your head. 395 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:27,636 Which way? 396 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,137 That way! 397 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:31,932 Hey, sal. While you're at it, 398 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:32,891 have 'em bring him a pair of shoes. 399 00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,227 This nut's still got his bedroom slippers on. 400 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,104 Oh, my gosh. 401 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,105 Rob. 402 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,815 Oh, a funny thing come up out of the ground 403 00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,067 after the rain. 404 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,069 Rob, what on earth do you think you're doing? 405 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,237 I think he's taking his pants off. 406 00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:46,697 What do you think? 407 00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:49,700 Would you send someone up 408 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,743 to the writer's room of "The Alan Brady Show"? 409 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,287 Yeah, we have a single-breasted accordion 410 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,788 that needs straightening out. 411 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,373 Aw, come on, Sal. I'm in a hurry. 412 00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:59,668 Oh, listen, we at least got to get an estimate. 413 00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,211 We'll go as high as a buck and a quarter. 414 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:02,337 Sally, come on. 415 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,255 I need that for the staff meeting 416 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,132 and who knows what else I may need it for. 417 00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:06,717 All right, I'm only kidding. Send someone up. 418 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,635 We need a suit pressed, please. Thank you. 419 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,469 Look at the way this guy is shaking. 420 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,138 You could make a vibrator nervous. 421 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:13,223 Look, look, I hate to interrupt all this. 422 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:14,641 Well, then, get out of here. 423 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,644 Rob, we've got a problem on this week's show. 424 00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,188 I want to talk to you about it. 425 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,272 Oh, I'm sorry, Mel. What is it? 426 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:21,732 In the third act, you-- 427 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,819 all right, coffee time. 428 00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:27,404 Coffee time. 429 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,282 Can't you watch where I'm going? 430 00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,075 Hey, where'd you steal a locomotive? 431 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:33,702 Ha, ha, that's good. Do you want some coffee? 432 00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:34,745 Yeah, I think I will. 433 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,747 And how about Rob? He could use some. Okay. 434 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:37,581 Yeah, black, Willie. 435 00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:38,290 Yeah, Willie, I'll have some tea. 436 00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:39,291 You got it. 437 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,126 Rob, why do you let him bring his wagon in here? 438 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,212 How else can I show my stock? 439 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,130 You want a nice fresh doughnut or a cruller? 440 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,048 No thanks. 441 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,133 How about a nice piece of cheese danish? 442 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,468 Prune danish, apple, almond paste, 443 00:16:49,468 --> 00:16:51,720 bear claws, bowties, honey buns, 444 00:16:51,762 --> 00:16:54,139 bran muffin, corn muffin, 445 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,308 plain butter cookies? 446 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,851 Have you any tapioca pudding? 447 00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,355 Not today. 448 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,272 How about some rice pudding? 449 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:03,106 Oh, good. 450 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,358 Not today. 451 00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:08,320 Will you please have him serve the coffee and go? 452 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,863 Please, Willie, will you serve the coffee and go? 453 00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,073 What's the matter, Mr. Cooley? 454 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,824 Can't stand to see me make a buck? 455 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:14,159 Here's a buck. Go! 456 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:15,244 I'm going, I'm go-- 457 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,788 Hey, did I say apple, blueberry and cherry turnovers? 458 00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:18,872 Yes, you did. 459 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,082 No, he didn't. 460 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,834 I didn't think I did. 461 00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,335 Why do you say I did when I didn't? 462 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:24,419 He don't like me. 463 00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,504 He don't like anybody. 464 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:26,755 Hey, where's my coffee? 465 00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,173 I only got two hands. 466 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,508 Will you please serve the coffee and go? 467 00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:30,551 We've got work to do. 468 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:33,387 What do you think this is? A hobby or something? 469 00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,183 All right. Last chance, last chance. 470 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,143 Who wants a turnover? 471 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,854 I got three bear claws. 472 00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:42,813 You got three bear claws? 473 00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:43,480 Yeah. 474 00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:44,398 Have you seen a doctor? 475 00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,361 Fast and friendly service. 476 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:50,320 Who's got the suit to go? 477 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,531 Oh, will you give that to him ( INDISTINCT ). 478 00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:53,282 Watch out! 479 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,366 I'm sorry. 480 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,409 Watch out. The pastry. 481 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,369 They got health laws in this state. 482 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,164 My goodness. I never saw anything. 483 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,209 Hey, that's a nice piece of material. 484 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,335 Is it a readymade? 485 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:06,879 Yes, it is. Willie, will you pass it over to the boy-- 486 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,213 in case you want to get rid of it-- 487 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,256 boy, would you get it right back? 488 00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:10,382 I need it very badly. 489 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,550 What did you do, sleep in this thing? 490 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,260 Yes, I did. Will you please go? 491 00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:14,386 Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. 492 00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,097 You gonna buy something? How about a danish pastry? 493 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:17,848 How much? 494 00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:18,849 Press the pants! 495 00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:20,100 I'm going, I'm going. 496 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,351 Ah, it's hot. 497 00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,564 Now are you all finished with your own personal little doings? 498 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:26,523 No. 499 00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,525 I ain't had an answer on my turnovers yet. 500 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,485 I'll take one. Now, will you go? ( PHONE RINGING ) 501 00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,278 my pleasure. 502 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,196 No, mine. 503 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,072 Yeah, he's here. Hey, Rob, it's your wife. 504 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,282 I think this is it. 505 00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,074 Oh, hand me the phone. 506 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,868 Watch out! 507 00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:39,369 The danish. They have health laws. 508 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,913 I'm sorry. I'll pay for it all. 509 00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:41,830 You're gonna pay for it? 510 00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:42,372 I'll pay for it. 511 00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,373 Walk on 'em. 512 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,500 Rob, here's the phone. 513 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:48,879 Oh! Whoo! 514 00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:49,922 You want a piece of ice? 515 00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,131 No thanks, Willie. 516 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,090 Hey, hey, meat is good for that. 517 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,425 I got a beef ( INDISTINCT ) 518 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,344 No thank you. Nothing. 519 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,303 Hey, Laura? 520 00:18:56,345 --> 00:18:57,179 LAURA: What happened? Are you all right? 521 00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:59,264 Nothing. I'm all right, honey, I'm fine. 522 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,891 I got hit in the head with the phone. 523 00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:01,433 How are you? 524 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,601 Well, I don't know. 525 00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:04,603 I just called the doctor and he said I've plenty of time, 526 00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,897 but I should start getting ready to go to the hospital. 527 00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:08,106 Oh, my gosh. 528 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,483 Honey, keep calm, keep calm, honey. 529 00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:10,359 Just don't panic. 530 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,110 There's nothing to get excited about. 531 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,153 Honey, I'm coming home. 532 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,404 I'll be home--no, wait. 533 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,280 You'll wait for me? 534 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,240 No, you better not wait. 535 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,491 Wait for me if you can. 536 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,575 If you can't wait for me, don't wait for me. 537 00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:19,868 I want to be with you, honey. 538 00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:21,537 Oh, I love you. This is it, gang. 539 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,497 Hey, rob! 540 00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:24,456 Huh? 541 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:25,582 Didn't you forget something? 542 00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:26,834 Oh, hang it up for me, will you, buddy? 543 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,126 Rob! 544 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:28,502 Huh? 545 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:29,837 Your suit. 546 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:30,963 I can pick it up tomorrow. 547 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:32,381 You can't run around new york with your pants off. 548 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,842 Ah! Mel, give me your pants. 549 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,385 I really need my pants today. 550 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,220 I'm having lunch with a sponsor. 551 00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:39,012 Buddy? 552 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:40,264 I would, but they'd never fit you. 553 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,056 I don't care what I look like, 554 00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:41,849 I just don't want to be arrested. 555 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,517 Come on, buddy. Oh, all right. 556 00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:44,393 Hey, wait a minute, 557 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,644 isn't anybody ask me to turn around? 558 00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:47,646 Yeah, turn around. 559 00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,523 Ta-da! 560 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,277 Nice legs for a man. 561 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,153 I'll help you. 562 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,321 ( INDISTINCT ) you guys. 563 00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,322 I don't need any help. 564 00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,031 I used to be a tailor. 565 00:19:58,073 --> 00:19:59,116 I don't care. I don't need it. 566 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,243 I'll take the cuffs down, it'll fit him beautifully. 567 00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:02,870 Hurry, I don't want 'em altered. 568 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,872 Just give me the pants, will you? 569 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,123 Just trying to help. 570 00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:07,124 Sally, sally? 571 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,167 What do you want me to do about the conference? 572 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,127 What do you want, Rob? 573 00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,211 Call a cab, have it go to my house and wait. 574 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,087 Well, aren't you driving? 575 00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,172 Yeah, but I just want some insurance 576 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,339 against a flat tire. 577 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,508 Turn your pants inside out. You got 'em all cock-eyed. 578 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:17,926 I'll put 'em on in the elevator. 579 00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,511 Take it easy. 580 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,472 ( EVERYONE TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ) 581 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,350 I've only got two hands. 582 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:28,437 ( DOORBELL RINGS ) 583 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,397 Come in. 584 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:32,316 Laura, I put my car in your driveway. 585 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,901 Don't you think we ought to get started? 586 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,402 No. Well, let's wait a few more minutes, Millie. 587 00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,197 I feel pretty well and I want Rob to be with me. 588 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,323 ( CAR PULLING UP ) 589 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,241 Oh, maybe that's him. Would you go see? 590 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,661 It's not Rob. 591 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,371 Is this the house that ordered the taxi? 592 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,664 No, we didn't. 593 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,374 Oh, maybe Rob did as a precaution. 594 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,417 I think my husband did. 595 00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:51,502 He should be here in a few minutes. 596 00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:52,628 Would you mind waiting? 597 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:56,548 Listen, if you can wait, I can wait. 598 00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:58,383 I got my cab out in the driveway when you're ready. 599 00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:00,552 Thank you. 600 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,179 Laura, I'm getting nervous. 601 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,514 Don't you think we just ought to hop in the cab 602 00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:05,224 and drive down to the hospital? 603 00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:07,142 No, Millie, let's wait five more minutes. 604 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:08,268 I want Rob to be here, 605 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,561 and I know he will as soon as he can. 606 00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,230 ( CAR APPROACHING ) 607 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,564 That sounds like him. 608 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:13,690 TAXI DRIVER: Hey, look out! 609 00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:15,359 ( TIRES SCREECHING ) 610 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,693 ( CRASHING ) 611 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,570 Oh, my goodness. 612 00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:21,448 Sounds like Rob ran into the taxi, if it was Rob. 613 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:23,283 It was Rob. 614 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,579 Honey, honey. 615 00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:31,542 Honey, never-- What's the matter with you? 616 00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,252 Are you all right? What are those pants? 617 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,212 Never mind my pants, honey. 618 00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:36,255 Come on, let's go. 619 00:21:36,255 --> 00:21:38,257 Well, Rob. You can't go, mister. 620 00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:39,049 Oh, mister. 621 00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,676 I'm gonna drive my wife myself. 622 00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,136 You and me and the car, in front of us all, 623 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,513 locked bumpers when you knocked into me. 624 00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:45,472 Well, can't we unlock 'em? 625 00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:46,682 You've got to have a lot of help for that. 626 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,308 They're, like, welded together. 627 00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,227 Oh my gosh. 628 00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,562 I'll have to-- I know, Millie? 629 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:52,729 Millie, call any of the neighbors 630 00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:54,273 and ask them if-- no, no. 631 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:55,148 I'll do it. 632 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:55,941 Can I use your phone? 633 00:21:55,941 --> 00:21:57,526 No, I'll use ours. Where is it? 634 00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:58,569 It's over there. 635 00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:01,655 What's their number? 636 00:22:01,697 --> 00:22:02,406 Whose? 637 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,449 Anybody's. 638 00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,118 Rob, calm down. We have plenty of time. 639 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,411 Honey. I want you to sit down. 640 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:08,495 Don't stand up. Sit down. 641 00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:09,288 Oh, Rob. 642 00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,664 That's it. 643 00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:11,456 Hello, operator. 644 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,750 Operator, my wife's having a baby. 645 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:16,336 Hey, wait a minute, give me the police. 646 00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,255 Rob, why don't you just call another taxi? 647 00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:19,423 Yeah, let me call my company. 648 00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:21,508 We'll have another cab here in five minutes. 649 00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:23,427 Yeah, Rob, there's not gonna be any company-- 650 00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:24,636 Oh, don't hang up. 651 00:22:27,306 --> 00:22:30,225 Hello? Oh, police? 652 00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:31,643 Oh, I thought I lost you. 653 00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:35,439 Listen, officer, my wife's having a baby 654 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,565 and there's three cars in my driveway 655 00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:38,192 all welded together. 656 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,651 No, wait, forget that. 657 00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:42,404 Send a squad car here right away. Good. 658 00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:43,572 Our troubles are over, honey. 659 00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:46,158 Rob? A squad car's coming right down here any minute now 660 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,284 Rob? What's the matter? 661 00:22:47,326 --> 00:22:49,244 You didn't give them our address. 662 00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:51,497 I did--Oh, my gosh! 663 00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:52,456 CHARLIE: Laundry! 664 00:22:52,498 --> 00:22:54,291 Hi, Miss Helper, hi, Miss Petrie. 665 00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:55,292 Got any shirts to go? 666 00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:56,251 Right over there, Charlie. 667 00:22:56,293 --> 00:22:57,044 Good. 668 00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,253 Oh, put down that laundry, Charlie. 669 00:22:58,295 --> 00:22:59,254 Uh, what for? 670 00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:00,130 My wife's having a baby. 671 00:23:00,172 --> 00:23:00,756 You're gonna drive us to the hospital? 672 00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:01,965 I am? Oh, good, good, yes. 673 00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:05,260 Honey, you don't mind going in a laundry truck, do you? 674 00:23:05,302 --> 00:23:06,637 No, as long as you're with me, darling. 675 00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:07,721 This is very nice of you. 676 00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:08,764 Oh, that's all right. 677 00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,724 You know our motto, "We pick up and deliver." 678 00:23:15,229 --> 00:23:17,272 Don't worry about the cab, mister. 679 00:23:17,314 --> 00:23:18,440 Just have a nice baby. 680 00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:19,691 Thank you. 681 00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:28,700 Was I born in the laundry truck, Daddy? 682 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:29,535 No , you were a good boy. 683 00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:31,453 You waited 'til we got to the hospital. 684 00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:32,704 Oh, yeah, I remember. 685 00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:35,374 You do? 686 00:23:35,374 --> 00:23:35,999 Yeah. 687 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:37,417 That's a good story, Daddy. 688 00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:38,252 You like that story, yeah? 689 00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:39,169 Yeah. 690 00:23:39,211 --> 00:23:40,254 Do you like it, Mommy? 691 00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:41,463 I love it. 692 00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:42,589 Better than "Black Beauty"? 693 00:23:47,386 --> 00:23:49,304 Better than "Black Beauty," yes. 694 00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:51,557 Which part did you like best, Mommy? 695 00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:53,600 The part where I woke up in my bed in the hospital, 696 00:23:53,642 --> 00:23:56,728 and you were lying there next to me, so tiny and cute. 697 00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,397 And Daddy was looking down at both of us, 698 00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:00,732 smiling so hard he looked like he'd bust. 699 00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:02,401 Yeah, I like that part. 700 00:24:02,401 --> 00:24:03,694 But there's a part I like better. 701 00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:05,445 What part's that? 702 00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:08,240 Where you got a black eye and lost your pants. 703 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,410 ( LAUGHING ) 704 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:13,412 That's a pretty funny story. 705 00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:15,414 Yeah, tell me that part again, Daddy. 706 00:24:15,414 --> 00:24:16,373 Oh, okay. 707 00:24:16,415 --> 00:24:18,584 Mom and I were lying in bed and reading-- 708 00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:25,424 ( music playing )49128

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