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I'm Dick Van Dyke.
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Our show's on in a new time spot:
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Right now.
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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Who's this, Daddy?
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Oh, that's you, Ritch, when you were two weeks old.
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I was bald.
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He, heh, you sure were.
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Daddy?
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Hmm?
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Where did I come from?
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What did you say, Ritch?
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I said, "where did I come from?"
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Oh, ha, well, ha, ha, ha.
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That's what I thought you said but, honey,
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did you hear what Ritchie just asked?
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Yes, I heard, darling.
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Where did I come from, Daddy?
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Well, Ritch, that's kind of complicated.
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I don't think we have time to go into it right now.
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When will we have the time?
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Well, I don't know.
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Honey, when do you think we might have the time?
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Well, darling, I think we have the time.
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After all, Ritchie doesn't have to go to bed
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for another half hour or so.
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Ritchie, you're not too sleepy now, are you?
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No, I want to hear where I came from.
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Well, let's see.
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First off, oh, uh, where's Dr. Spock?
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Ritch, where do you think you came from?
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Same place Granny Helper did.
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New Jersey.
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New Jersey?
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He's not ready for this.
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Ritch, you didn't come from New Jersey.
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You came from New York, don't you remember that?
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Oh, yeah, I forgot.
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But I remember about the laundry truck.
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The laundry truck?
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How did you know about that?
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Daddy told me.
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You liked that?
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I must have told him that when he was four years old.
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I didn't think you'd remember that.
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You said the laundry man brought me.
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Is that what modern daddies tell their children
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about the facts of life?
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I think you got the story a little mixed up, Ritch.
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Tell me the story, Daddy, about the laundry truck.
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Well, actually the laundry truck
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doesn't come into the story until the day you were born.
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Yeah, that's the story I want to hear,
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about the day I was born.
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Oh, that was a pretty exciting 24 hours.
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Were you there, Mommy?
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I was there.
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Good.
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Well, Mommy and I, we went to bed that night.
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We were kind of expecting you might be born just that night
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so we were lying in bed, reading,
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and wondering when you were gonna be born.
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Honey, how do you feel?
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Fine.
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You sure?
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I'm sure.
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You're not just saying that?
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Rob, why would I just say that?
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I know you, you don't want me to worry.
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Honey, will you relax?
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I'm trying to read.
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Honey, how can you read when
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you know you might be a mother any minute?
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Honey, I'm not gonna be a mother any minute.
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Look, I was with you when your doctor said
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it could be any day now.
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He said "any day," not "any minute."
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Yeah, well, hey, that was three days ago.
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Don't you feel anything funny?
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I do feel something.
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Funny?
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No.
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I feel you're gonna have a nervous breakdown
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if you don't relax and go to sleep.
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Now relax.
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I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed.
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Well, you don't look it.
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Believe me, darling,
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the best thing you can do for me is to go to sleep.
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I'll call you if anything happens.
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All right, honey. I'll try to get some sleep.
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You call me if anything happens.
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Who else would I call?
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I had a cousin called a cab.
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She didn't want to disturb her husband.
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I promise I'll disturb you. Now go to sleep.
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Okay, honey.
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Honey?
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Hm?
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Give me one of those.
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I'll do that.
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Honey, what are you reading?
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What to do before the doctor comes.
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What are you reading that for?
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You expect something to happen before the doctor comes?
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No, Rob.
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I'm just reading to get sleepy.
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Honey, you never have any trouble getting to sleep.
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Why can't you go to sleep?
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Because I'm married to the noisiest husband
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in New York State.
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Honey!
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Sorry, honey. I'm just trying to--
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I'll call a cab.
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All right, all right.
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You won't hear another word out of me
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unless you call me, all right?
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All right.
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Oh dear.
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What's the matter? What?
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What?
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You said, "Oh dear."
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I was just sighing.
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Well, honey, at a time like this,
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don't sigh unless you really mean it.
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I'll try not to.
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Goodnight.
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Goodnight.
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( SIGHING )
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( ALARM CLOCK RINGING )
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It's time!
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Honey!
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I am perfectly all--
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I'll get the car. I'll call the hospital.
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Rob, I am perfectly all right.
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I just dropped the alarm clock.
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You don't feel anything funny?
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No. Look at you.
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In your suit again.
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Rob, take those clothes off and go to sleep.
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Now, just never mind about the suit.
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Doctor says, "Any day now, any day now,"
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probably a week before--
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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Jerry, would you please get off the extension, honey,
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I want to make a quick call to Laura and see how she is.
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Thank you.
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( PHONE RINGING )
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Hello?
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Hello?
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Hello?
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Laura? Laura, honey. She took a cab.
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Hey, what happened? Are you all right?
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Rob, I'm fine.
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Oh, honey, why didn't you wake me up?
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Now, don't-- just keep calm.
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I'll be down to the hospital in 20 minutes.
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Hospital? Rob?
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Oh, Millie, is that you?
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Oh, good. Is the doctor there yet?
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No, there's no doctor here.
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Oh, well, he should be. What's the matter with him?
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He should be there. Where is he?
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Rob, will you get a hold of yourself?
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Honey, just keep calm.
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I'm leaving the house right now.
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Now, Millie, you stay there with her.
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Rob, I'm not with her.
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You're--Millie!
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How could you leave her alone in a strange hospital?
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Rob!
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Will you listen to me for one moment?
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I am not in the hospital.
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Where are you, honey?
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I'm in the kitchen.
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In the kitch--
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What are you doing in the kitchen?
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Boiling some water.
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Boiling wa-- oh, my god.
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What a woman!
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Rob!
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Laura, what's all that screaming?
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It's just Rob, Millie.
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( CRASHING )
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He's on his way to the kitchen.
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Honey, I'm just boiling water for eggs.
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Well, what-- What are you boiling egg water
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at a time like this for?
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Laura, what's going on?
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What's Rob screaming about boiling eggs?
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Laura, are you all right?
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Millie, I'm fine.
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Rob's just a little nervous and upset this morning.
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Listen, I'll call you later. Bye, bye.
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Honey, don't ever do that to me again.
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What did I do?
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Well, call me from the kitchen about boiling water.
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Rob, I didn't call you.
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Millie called me.
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Well, whoever did it, shouldn't have.
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You're not making any sense this morning.
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I didn't get much sleep last night.
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Why not?
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I was watching you.
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Why were you watching me?
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Well, you know what a sound sleeper you are.
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I was afraid something might happen
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and you'd sleep through it.
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You were gonna wake me in case it did?
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I know it sounds crazy
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but that's the way my mind works.
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How much sleep did you get last night?
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I'm all right, honey. I don't need much.
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I got a little sleep this morning.
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What time did you get to sleep?
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Oh, about ten to eight.
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What time is it now?
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It's 8 o'clock.
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Good, I'll go right down to the office.
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Ten minutes' sleep.
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Fifth floor, please. "Alan Brady Show."
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Did you really sleep with your clothes on, Daddy?
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Well--
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Yes, he did, Ritch.
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You see, when the time came for you to be born,
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Daddy wanted to make sure he was ready
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to drive me to the hospital.
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But Daddy didn't drive you that night.
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No, I didn't that night,
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the next night or the next night.
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The time didn't come?
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No, it didn't.
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RITCHIE: did you sleep with your clothes on every night, Daddy?
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Yes, he did.
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Did you sleep with your clothes on too, Mommy?
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No, Ritch.
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Didn't you want to drive with Daddy to the hospital
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to see me get born?
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Ritch,
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you couldn't have been born without mommy being there.
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Oh, yeah, I forgot.
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Now tell me about the laundry truck.
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Ha, ha, oh, yeah, the laundry truck.
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Well, about three days later, I was having breakfast.
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In the laundry truck?
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No, in the kitchen.
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( LAUGHING )
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Me too?
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No, you weren't born yet.
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Oh.
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Well, anyway, I was sitting at the breakfast table
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wondering if I'd ever be a Daddy,
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fixing a piece of toast
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I really didn't feel like eating.
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Good morning, dear.
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Honey, what are you doing with those clothes?
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I'm sending them to the cleaners
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if you're gonna continue to sleep in them.
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Well, you're not supposed to carry heavy things around.
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Oh, Rob, I'm perfectly strong and healthy.
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You sit down and finish your breakfast.
263
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You'll be late for the office.
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Honey, I'm not going to the office today.
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The doctor said it could be any day now,
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and I got a funny feeling
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that today's gonna be that "any day."
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Well, I don't have a feeling
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so until I do, you might as well go to work.
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( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
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Come in.
272
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,540
Hi, Millie. coffee?
273
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,124
Yes, please.
274
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,794
Rob, did you know you forgot to turn off your car motor?
275
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,712
Oh, did I?
276
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,550
I was just coming back from driving Jerry to the station,
277
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,969
and I saw the smoke coming out of the exhaust.
278
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,763
Rob, was that motor running all night long?
279
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,056
No, of course it wasn't running all night long.
280
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,684
It's just been running since 6:30 this morning.
281
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,144
You started the car up at 6:30?
282
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,062
Well, about 6 o'clock,
283
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,814
you started making a lot of funny noises
284
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,817
in your sleep, and I wanted to be ready.
285
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,069
Millie, did you ever hear anything so ridiculous?
286
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:34,987
Yes, I have.
287
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,072
You know what Jerry did for one full week
288
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,782
before Ellen was born?
289
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,658
LAURA: What?
290
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,827
That fool slept with all his clothes on.
291
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,833
Where do you think I got the idea?
292
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,628
I did it for you, honey.
293
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,172
Rob, if you really want to do something for me,
294
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,673
you'll go to work.
295
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:55,841
What if something happens?
296
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:56,758
I'll call you at the office.
297
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,677
You'd have plenty of time to get home.
298
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,762
Rob, this is your first baby and, as a rule,
299
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,890
first babies don't get born in a rush.
300
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,350
Well, suppose this baby doesn't know the rules?
301
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,979
Honey, in any event, Millie could drive me.
302
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:09,980
MILLIE: Sure.
303
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,857
Millie drive you to the hospital?
304
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:12,691
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
305
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,775
Well, it sounds kind of strange to me.
306
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:14,776
One expectant mother
307
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,570
driving another expectant mother to the hospital.
308
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,113
Doesn't seem right.
309
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,867
Rob, go to work.
310
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,578
Yeah.
311
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,164
All right.
312
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,126
Where's my jacket?
313
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,586
Which one?
314
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,713
The one that goes with these pants.
315
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,049
Oh, honey, I put it in that bundle of clothes.
316
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:38,592
I was gonna send it to the cleaners.
317
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,052
Honey, it was the least wrinkled one I had of all.
318
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:43,013
I only slept in it one night.
319
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,599
I'm sorry. It looks terrible.
320
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:46,975
Oh, it's all right, honey. Don't worry.
321
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,852
Look, you don't worry about anything
322
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:52,105
but having that baby, okay?
323
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:52,898
All right.
324
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:53,899
All right.
325
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,567
You go to the office and write a funny show.
326
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,318
Okay.
327
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,736
And don't worry about your wife.
328
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,571
I'll stay here all day.
329
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,823
Oh, Mill, I really appreciate it, honest.
330
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,991
Bye. Bye.
331
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:10,791
Rob, what are you looking for?
332
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,168
My hat and coat.
333
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:14,878
You put the bundle of clothes on them.
334
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,672
Oh, that's right.
335
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:20,592
LAURA: Rob, for your sake, I hope this baby comes soon.
336
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,927
So do I.
337
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,095
When we call the doctor, he keeps saying,
338
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:24,596
"any day, any day, any day," and nothing ever happens.
339
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:25,806
Bye, honey.
340
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:38,777
Who'd I just kiss?
341
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:39,820
Me.
342
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,113
Oh, Millie, I'm sorry.
343
00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:42,573
That's all right.
344
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:43,949
It's okay. bye, honey.
345
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,909
I'll call you the minute anything happens.
346
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,714
I really didn't feel like going to work that day, Ritch.
347
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,215
Where were you working, Daddy?
348
00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,633
Well, the same place we work now,
349
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,135
only we were in a different office.
350
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:04,636
I really wanted to stay home with mommy
351
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,055
but I was so nervous I kept making mommy nervous
352
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057
so mommy suggested I go down to the office
353
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,143
where I could get a little peace and quiet.
354
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,686
Boy, was she wrong.
355
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,646
RITCHIE: You didn't get any peace and quiet, Daddy?
356
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:17,149
No. I lost my pants and got a black eye.
357
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,820
Boy, that's one day I should have stayed home.
358
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,781
Oh, hi, Rob. Any news?
359
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,575
Hey, where's the cigars, Daddy?
360
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:27,784
No cigars yet.
361
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,786
I'm beginning to think I'm never gonna pass out any cigars.
362
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,163
Oh, I got a feeling you'll be a father
363
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,831
before the day is out.
364
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,249
Why do you say that? You hear something?
365
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,044
Oh, calm down, Rob. How could I hear anything?
366
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:37,753
Nobody phoned?
367
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,504
Nobody phoned.
368
00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,047
You're gonna iron these clothes?
369
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,216
You look like the best-dressed man at the city dump.
370
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,260
What's the matter? I've never seen you so jumpy.
371
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,803
Or so wrinkled.
372
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,097
You look like you slept in a box of prunes.
373
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:51,683
I guess I do look pretty sloppy, don't i?
374
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,768
Wow!
375
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,353
Oh, I don't know, I think you look kind of cute.
376
00:14:54,353 --> 00:14:55,854
However, I don't think our boss, Alan Brady,
377
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,356
will appreciate your formal attire
378
00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:59,691
at the conference this afternoon.
379
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,193
Have we got a staff conference today?
380
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:02,319
We have one every Thursday.
381
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,154
Oh, my gosh, is this Thursday?
382
00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,822
That's the rumor.
383
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,784
I can't wear this to the meeting.
384
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:09,409
Sure you can.
385
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:10,702
Sally and I will wrinkle up
386
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,204
and we'll go as a three-piece set.
387
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,082
What am I gonna do?
388
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,250
Well, we could call the cleaners
389
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,252
and see if they can take out the curls.
390
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,253
Hey, that's a good idea, sal.
391
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,796
And ask 'em how fast I can get it, will you?
392
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,339
Well, they have a 20-minute service.
393
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:24,132
If we rush it, we can get it back in an hour.
394
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,718
Oh, good. Sal, turn your head.
395
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:27,636
Which way?
396
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,137
That way!
397
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:31,932
Hey, sal. While you're at it,
398
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:32,891
have 'em bring him a pair of shoes.
399
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:35,227
This nut's still got his bedroom slippers on.
400
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,104
Oh, my gosh.
401
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,105
Rob.
402
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,815
Oh, a funny thing come up out of the ground
403
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,067
after the rain.
404
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,069
Rob, what on earth do you think you're doing?
405
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,237
I think he's taking his pants off.
406
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:46,697
What do you think?
407
00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:49,700
Would you send someone up
408
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,743
to the writer's room of "The Alan Brady Show"?
409
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,287
Yeah, we have a single-breasted accordion
410
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,788
that needs straightening out.
411
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,373
Aw, come on, Sal. I'm in a hurry.
412
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:59,668
Oh, listen, we at least got to get an estimate.
413
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,211
We'll go as high as a buck and a quarter.
414
00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:02,337
Sally, come on.
415
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,255
I need that for the staff meeting
416
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,132
and who knows what else I may need it for.
417
00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:06,717
All right, I'm only kidding. Send someone up.
418
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,635
We need a suit pressed, please. Thank you.
419
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,469
Look at the way this guy is shaking.
420
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,138
You could make a vibrator nervous.
421
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:13,223
Look, look, I hate to interrupt all this.
422
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:14,641
Well, then, get out of here.
423
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,644
Rob, we've got a problem on this week's show.
424
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,188
I want to talk to you about it.
425
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,272
Oh, I'm sorry, Mel. What is it?
426
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:21,732
In the third act, you--
427
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,819
all right, coffee time.
428
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:27,404
Coffee time.
429
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,282
Can't you watch where I'm going?
430
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,075
Hey, where'd you steal a locomotive?
431
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:33,702
Ha, ha, that's good. Do you want some coffee?
432
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:34,745
Yeah, I think I will.
433
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,747
And how about Rob? He could use some. Okay.
434
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:37,581
Yeah, black, Willie.
435
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:38,290
Yeah, Willie, I'll have some tea.
436
00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:39,291
You got it.
437
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,126
Rob, why do you let him bring his wagon in here?
438
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,212
How else can I show my stock?
439
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,130
You want a nice fresh doughnut or a cruller?
440
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,048
No thanks.
441
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,133
How about a nice piece of cheese danish?
442
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,468
Prune danish, apple, almond paste,
443
00:16:49,468 --> 00:16:51,720
bear claws, bowties, honey buns,
444
00:16:51,762 --> 00:16:54,139
bran muffin, corn muffin,
445
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,308
plain butter cookies?
446
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,851
Have you any tapioca pudding?
447
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,355
Not today.
448
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,272
How about some rice pudding?
449
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:03,106
Oh, good.
450
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,358
Not today.
451
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:08,320
Will you please have him serve the coffee and go?
452
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,863
Please, Willie, will you serve the coffee and go?
453
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,073
What's the matter, Mr. Cooley?
454
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,824
Can't stand to see me make a buck?
455
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:14,159
Here's a buck. Go!
456
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:15,244
I'm going, I'm go--
457
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,788
Hey, did I say apple, blueberry and cherry turnovers?
458
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:18,872
Yes, you did.
459
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,082
No, he didn't.
460
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,834
I didn't think I did.
461
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,335
Why do you say I did when I didn't?
462
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:24,419
He don't like me.
463
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,504
He don't like anybody.
464
00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:26,755
Hey, where's my coffee?
465
00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,173
I only got two hands.
466
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,508
Will you please serve the coffee and go?
467
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:30,551
We've got work to do.
468
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:33,387
What do you think this is? A hobby or something?
469
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,183
All right. Last chance, last chance.
470
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,143
Who wants a turnover?
471
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,854
I got three bear claws.
472
00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:42,813
You got three bear claws?
473
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:43,480
Yeah.
474
00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:44,398
Have you seen a doctor?
475
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,361
Fast and friendly service.
476
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:50,320
Who's got the suit to go?
477
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,531
Oh, will you give that to him ( INDISTINCT ).
478
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:53,282
Watch out!
479
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,366
I'm sorry.
480
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,409
Watch out. The pastry.
481
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,369
They got health laws in this state.
482
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,164
My goodness. I never saw anything.
483
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,209
Hey, that's a nice piece of material.
484
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,335
Is it a readymade?
485
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:06,879
Yes, it is. Willie, will you pass it over to the boy--
486
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,213
in case you want to get rid of it--
487
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,256
boy, would you get it right back?
488
00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:10,382
I need it very badly.
489
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,550
What did you do, sleep in this thing?
490
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,260
Yes, I did. Will you please go?
491
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:14,386
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
492
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,097
You gonna buy something? How about a danish pastry?
493
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:17,848
How much?
494
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:18,849
Press the pants!
495
00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:20,100
I'm going, I'm going.
496
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,351
Ah, it's hot.
497
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,564
Now are you all finished with your own personal little doings?
498
00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:26,523
No.
499
00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,525
I ain't had an answer on my turnovers yet.
500
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,485
I'll take one. Now, will you go? ( PHONE RINGING )
501
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,278
my pleasure.
502
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,196
No, mine.
503
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,072
Yeah, he's here. Hey, Rob, it's your wife.
504
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,282
I think this is it.
505
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,074
Oh, hand me the phone.
506
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,868
Watch out!
507
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:39,369
The danish. They have health laws.
508
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,913
I'm sorry. I'll pay for it all.
509
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:41,830
You're gonna pay for it?
510
00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:42,372
I'll pay for it.
511
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,373
Walk on 'em.
512
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,500
Rob, here's the phone.
513
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:48,879
Oh! Whoo!
514
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:49,922
You want a piece of ice?
515
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,131
No thanks, Willie.
516
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,090
Hey, hey, meat is good for that.
517
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,425
I got a beef ( INDISTINCT )
518
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,344
No thank you. Nothing.
519
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,303
Hey, Laura?
520
00:18:56,345 --> 00:18:57,179
LAURA: What happened? Are you all right?
521
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:59,264
Nothing. I'm all right, honey, I'm fine.
522
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,891
I got hit in the head with the phone.
523
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:01,433
How are you?
524
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,601
Well, I don't know.
525
00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:04,603
I just called the doctor and he said I've plenty of time,
526
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,897
but I should start getting ready to go to the hospital.
527
00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:08,106
Oh, my gosh.
528
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,483
Honey, keep calm, keep calm, honey.
529
00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:10,359
Just don't panic.
530
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,110
There's nothing to get excited about.
531
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,153
Honey, I'm coming home.
532
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,404
I'll be home--no, wait.
533
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,280
You'll wait for me?
534
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,240
No, you better not wait.
535
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,491
Wait for me if you can.
536
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,575
If you can't wait for me, don't wait for me.
537
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:19,868
I want to be with you, honey.
538
00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:21,537
Oh, I love you. This is it, gang.
539
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,497
Hey, rob!
540
00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:24,456
Huh?
541
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:25,582
Didn't you forget something?
542
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:26,834
Oh, hang it up for me, will you, buddy?
543
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,126
Rob!
544
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:28,502
Huh?
545
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:29,837
Your suit.
546
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:30,963
I can pick it up tomorrow.
547
00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:32,381
You can't run around new york with your pants off.
548
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,842
Ah! Mel, give me your pants.
549
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,385
I really need my pants today.
550
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,220
I'm having lunch with a sponsor.
551
00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:39,012
Buddy?
552
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:40,264
I would, but they'd never fit you.
553
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,056
I don't care what I look like,
554
00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:41,849
I just don't want to be arrested.
555
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,517
Come on, buddy. Oh, all right.
556
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:44,393
Hey, wait a minute,
557
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,644
isn't anybody ask me to turn around?
558
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:47,646
Yeah, turn around.
559
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,523
Ta-da!
560
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,277
Nice legs for a man.
561
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,153
I'll help you.
562
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,321
( INDISTINCT ) you guys.
563
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,322
I don't need any help.
564
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,031
I used to be a tailor.
565
00:19:58,073 --> 00:19:59,116
I don't care. I don't need it.
566
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,243
I'll take the cuffs down, it'll fit him beautifully.
567
00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:02,870
Hurry, I don't want 'em altered.
568
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,872
Just give me the pants, will you?
569
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,123
Just trying to help.
570
00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:07,124
Sally, sally?
571
00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,167
What do you want me to do about the conference?
572
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,127
What do you want, Rob?
573
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,211
Call a cab, have it go to my house and wait.
574
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,087
Well, aren't you driving?
575
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,172
Yeah, but I just want some insurance
576
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,339
against a flat tire.
577
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,508
Turn your pants inside out. You got 'em all cock-eyed.
578
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:17,926
I'll put 'em on in the elevator.
579
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,511
Take it easy.
580
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,472
( EVERYONE TALKING OVER EACH OTHER )
581
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,350
I've only got two hands.
582
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:28,437
( DOORBELL RINGS )
583
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,397
Come in.
584
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:32,316
Laura, I put my car in your driveway.
585
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,901
Don't you think we ought to get started?
586
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,402
No. Well, let's wait a few more minutes, Millie.
587
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,197
I feel pretty well and I want Rob to be with me.
588
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,323
( CAR PULLING UP )
589
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,241
Oh, maybe that's him. Would you go see?
590
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,661
It's not Rob.
591
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,371
Is this the house that ordered the taxi?
592
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,664
No, we didn't.
593
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,374
Oh, maybe Rob did as a precaution.
594
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,417
I think my husband did.
595
00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:51,502
He should be here in a few minutes.
596
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:52,628
Would you mind waiting?
597
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:56,548
Listen, if you can wait, I can wait.
598
00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:58,383
I got my cab out in the driveway when you're ready.
599
00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:00,552
Thank you.
600
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,179
Laura, I'm getting nervous.
601
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,514
Don't you think we just ought to hop in the cab
602
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:05,224
and drive down to the hospital?
603
00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:07,142
No, Millie, let's wait five more minutes.
604
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:08,268
I want Rob to be here,
605
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,561
and I know he will as soon as he can.
606
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,230
( CAR APPROACHING )
607
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,564
That sounds like him.
608
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:13,690
TAXI DRIVER: Hey, look out!
609
00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:15,359
( TIRES SCREECHING )
610
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,693
( CRASHING )
611
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,570
Oh, my goodness.
612
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:21,448
Sounds like Rob ran into the taxi, if it was Rob.
613
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:23,283
It was Rob.
614
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,579
Honey, honey.
615
00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:31,542
Honey, never-- What's the matter with you?
616
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,252
Are you all right? What are those pants?
617
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,212
Never mind my pants, honey.
618
00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:36,255
Come on, let's go.
619
00:21:36,255 --> 00:21:38,257
Well, Rob. You can't go, mister.
620
00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:39,049
Oh, mister.
621
00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,676
I'm gonna drive my wife myself.
622
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,136
You and me and the car, in front of us all,
623
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,513
locked bumpers when you knocked into me.
624
00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:45,472
Well, can't we unlock 'em?
625
00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:46,682
You've got to have a lot of help for that.
626
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,308
They're, like, welded together.
627
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,227
Oh my gosh.
628
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,562
I'll have to-- I know, Millie?
629
00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:52,729
Millie, call any of the neighbors
630
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:54,273
and ask them if-- no, no.
631
00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:55,148
I'll do it.
632
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:55,941
Can I use your phone?
633
00:21:55,941 --> 00:21:57,526
No, I'll use ours. Where is it?
634
00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:58,569
It's over there.
635
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:01,655
What's their number?
636
00:22:01,697 --> 00:22:02,406
Whose?
637
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,449
Anybody's.
638
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,118
Rob, calm down. We have plenty of time.
639
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,411
Honey. I want you to sit down.
640
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:08,495
Don't stand up. Sit down.
641
00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:09,288
Oh, Rob.
642
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,664
That's it.
643
00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:11,456
Hello, operator.
644
00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,750
Operator, my wife's having a baby.
645
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:16,336
Hey, wait a minute, give me the police.
646
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,255
Rob, why don't you just call another taxi?
647
00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:19,423
Yeah, let me call my company.
648
00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:21,508
We'll have another cab here in five minutes.
649
00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:23,427
Yeah, Rob, there's not gonna be any company--
650
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:24,636
Oh, don't hang up.
651
00:22:27,306 --> 00:22:30,225
Hello? Oh, police?
652
00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:31,643
Oh, I thought I lost you.
653
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:35,439
Listen, officer, my wife's having a baby
654
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,565
and there's three cars in my driveway
655
00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:38,192
all welded together.
656
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,651
No, wait, forget that.
657
00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:42,404
Send a squad car here right away. Good.
658
00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:43,572
Our troubles are over, honey.
659
00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:46,158
Rob? A squad car's coming right down here any minute now
660
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,284
Rob? What's the matter?
661
00:22:47,326 --> 00:22:49,244
You didn't give them our address.
662
00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:51,497
I did--Oh, my gosh!
663
00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:52,456
CHARLIE: Laundry!
664
00:22:52,498 --> 00:22:54,291
Hi, Miss Helper, hi, Miss Petrie.
665
00:22:54,333 --> 00:22:55,292
Got any shirts to go?
666
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:56,251
Right over there, Charlie.
667
00:22:56,293 --> 00:22:57,044
Good.
668
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,253
Oh, put down that laundry, Charlie.
669
00:22:58,295 --> 00:22:59,254
Uh, what for?
670
00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:00,130
My wife's having a baby.
671
00:23:00,172 --> 00:23:00,756
You're gonna drive us to the hospital?
672
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:01,965
I am? Oh, good, good, yes.
673
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:05,260
Honey, you don't mind going in a laundry truck, do you?
674
00:23:05,302 --> 00:23:06,637
No, as long as you're with me, darling.
675
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:07,721
This is very nice of you.
676
00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:08,764
Oh, that's all right.
677
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,724
You know our motto, "We pick up and deliver."
678
00:23:15,229 --> 00:23:17,272
Don't worry about the cab, mister.
679
00:23:17,314 --> 00:23:18,440
Just have a nice baby.
680
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:19,691
Thank you.
681
00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:28,700
Was I born in the laundry truck, Daddy?
682
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:29,535
No , you were a good boy.
683
00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:31,453
You waited 'til we got to the hospital.
684
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:32,704
Oh, yeah, I remember.
685
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:35,374
You do?
686
00:23:35,374 --> 00:23:35,999
Yeah.
687
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:37,417
That's a good story, Daddy.
688
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:38,252
You like that story, yeah?
689
00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:39,169
Yeah.
690
00:23:39,211 --> 00:23:40,254
Do you like it, Mommy?
691
00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:41,463
I love it.
692
00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:42,589
Better than "Black Beauty"?
693
00:23:47,386 --> 00:23:49,304
Better than "Black Beauty," yes.
694
00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:51,557
Which part did you like best, Mommy?
695
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:53,600
The part where I woke up in my bed in the hospital,
696
00:23:53,642 --> 00:23:56,728
and you were lying there next to me, so tiny and cute.
697
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,397
And Daddy was looking down at both of us,
698
00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:00,732
smiling so hard he looked like he'd bust.
699
00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:02,401
Yeah, I like that part.
700
00:24:02,401 --> 00:24:03,694
But there's a part I like better.
701
00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:05,445
What part's that?
702
00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:08,240
Where you got a black eye and lost your pants.
703
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,410
( LAUGHING )
704
00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:13,412
That's a pretty funny story.
705
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:15,414
Yeah, tell me that part again, Daddy.
706
00:24:15,414 --> 00:24:16,373
Oh, okay.
707
00:24:16,415 --> 00:24:18,584
Mom and I were lying in bed and reading--
708
00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:25,424
( music playing )49128
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