All language subtitles for The Dick Van Dyke Show - 01x12 - Empress Carlotta`s Necklace

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,292 --> 00:00:01,710 ~~ 2 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,927 Now all we need is a finish. 3 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,847 Let's see. Alan says his good nights to the audience, 4 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,224 leaves them with a philosophical thought, such as, uh-- 5 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,226 wait a minute, I got it. 6 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,353 "Good night, folks, and remember-- 7 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,814 a friend in need is a pest." 8 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:10,404 No, buddy. We've got all of 59 minutes here to do jokes. 9 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:14,283 We should end the show with a serious, homey thought. 10 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,286 Yeah, good idea. Serious, homey thought. 11 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,873 Serious--hey, I got a good serious, homey thought. 12 00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:22,291 "Remember, folks-- 13 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,710 keep your garbage cans covered." 14 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,382 Kind of gets you right there, doesn't it? 15 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,384 Maybe it's over here. 16 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,261 I don't know. Maybe I'm hungry. 17 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,263 Come on, let's eat. We gotta get it finished. 18 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,807 I got it, I got it. Alan does one of his eccentric dances. 19 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,392 You know, he dances up a storm. 20 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:44,897 ( OVERLAPPING CHATTER ) 21 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:48,817 How do you like that? We were looking for a finish, here he is. 22 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,405 If that's in this week's script, it's out. 23 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:56,074 Rob, can you give me a minute of your time? 24 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,076 I'd like to give you about 30 days. 25 00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:04,458 What is it, Mel? 26 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,460 I'd like you to meet my cousin Maxwell. 27 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,128 Maxwell?! Maxwell?! 28 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,421 Love to. 29 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,089 Oh, boy, this should be a thrill. 30 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,257 Maxwell, do come in. 31 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,800 Maxwell do-come-in. 32 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,427 My, what a strange name. 33 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,347 Look at this! 34 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,807 Will the real baldy please stand up? 35 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,770 ( LAUGHS ) 36 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,481 This guy'll laugh at anything. 37 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,024 Watch. Shoehorn! 38 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,943 ( LAUGHING ) 39 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,446 Uh, this is Sally Rogers, 40 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,448 one of our staff writers. Hi, Max. 41 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,742 And this is Rob Petrie, our head writer. 42 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,827 Hi, Maxwell. How do you do? 43 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,955 Well, I'm Buddy Sorrell. 44 00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,998 And may I say that any cousin of Mel's 45 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,960 is certainly...a fool to mention it to anybody. 46 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,463 Well, it's certainly nice to meet all of you. 47 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:54,007 Maxwell sells wholesale jewelry. 48 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,968 He just brought up some cufflinks I ordered, 49 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,761 and I thought you'd like to see his stock 50 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,388 in case you needed anything. 51 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,974 Yeah, I'm a little low on emeralds this week. 52 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,976 I'll look if you promise not to let me buy. 53 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,811 What'll it be? Cufflinks, earrings, 54 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,521 necklaces, bracelets? 55 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:11,149 Maybe I'll buy some cufflinks for my wife Pickles. 56 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,068 You buy cufflinks for your wife? 57 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,404 Sure, so she can give them to me for my birthday. 58 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,489 You always pick out your own birthday present? 59 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,324 No, I'm gonna leave it up to her warped opinion. 60 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,786 Look what she picked for a husband. 61 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:26,456 All of our prices are 30% below store prices. 62 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,792 You see, Maxwell doesn't have any overhead. 63 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,420 Buddy: Kind of runs in the family, don't it? 64 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,880 ( LAUGHING ) 65 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,215 That's very good. He's funny. 66 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:37,176 Yeah, he's a riot. 67 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,552 Look, I'll leave you here. 68 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,470 I've got a lot of work to do. 69 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,306 Yeah, the wastepaper baskets are all filled. 70 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,351 Is there something I can show you, Mr. Petrie? 71 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:51,356 Money clips, rings, tie clips, men's watches? 72 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,525 Maxwell, how about these cufflinks? I like these. 73 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,485 Nothing too good for my wife to get me for my birthday. 74 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,362 What do you think? Let me see. 75 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,865 No, originally, that was, uh... 76 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,242 40 - 40 -- 40 with a 30%-- 77 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,870 with a discount, $35. 78 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,580 Hey, all right, I'll take them. 79 00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,499 Just charge them to me, all right? 80 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,250 Hey, Max, how much for these, uh, 81 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,878 fairly pretty, overpriced earrings? 82 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,379 Better take a look here. 83 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:18,050 Ooh, now, originally they were 40-- 84 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,928 with a discount, $35. 85 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,388 Okay, I'll take them. And you can bill me, too. 86 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,140 Yeah, don't worry about our credit. 87 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,226 Ask the 100s of people we owe money to. 88 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,977 ( LAUGHTER ) 89 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,396 Make up your mind yet, Mr. Petrie? 90 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,357 Sally: Hey, Rob. 91 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,275 Want to go with us? We're gonna have some seafood. 92 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,944 No, thanks. I'm not hungry. 93 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,612 No? Then it's you and me, young lady. 94 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:40,906 Would you care to join me in a bowl of clam chowder? 95 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,991 You think there's room in there for two of us? 96 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,244 ( LAUGHTER ) 97 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,079 Shoehorn! 98 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,122 ( LAUGHTER ) 99 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,294 Hey, what is this? 100 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,088 You have good taste, sir. 101 00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:00,217 You have your hands on the Empress Carlota. 102 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,052 I have? 103 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,888 This is a copy of Empress Carlota's necklace. 104 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:07,099 Quite impressive, isn't it? Yeah. 105 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,892 It looks like a chandelier. 106 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:12,104 The Empress Carlota's husband-- 107 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,106 Maximilian of Austria. 108 00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,567 Mmm! You do have a knowledge of antiques, don't you, sir? 109 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,443 Well, no, that's history-- 110 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,404 the original is in a museum in Madrid, 111 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,991 and it's valued for a quarter of a million dollars. 112 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,618 I understand Maximilian presented the original to Carlota 113 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,996 just before she went mad. 114 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,289 She probably saw the price. 115 00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,166 ( LAUGHTER ) 116 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,209 You do know jewelry, don't you, sir? 117 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,128 Well, no, not really. 118 00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,088 How much is that? 119 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:41,133 The price of this is going to surprise you. 120 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,135 How much is it? 121 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:46,972 $39.50. 122 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,223 For this?! 123 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,225 But with the discount... 124 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,645 $35. $35, yeah. 125 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,480 You interested in it? 126 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,691 Only in its history, really. 127 00:05:57,733 --> 00:06:00,152 I tell you, it's a little too-- 128 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:02,321 too unusual. Yeah. 129 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,198 I agree, yes. 130 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,492 Only a woman of rare and sophisticated tastes 131 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,537 couldn't understand a piece like this. 132 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,956 Well, my wife's pretty sophisticated. 133 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:17,586 Now, this-- this is a very plain and popular number. 134 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:21,256 You don't need any special taste or understanding to like this. 135 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,383 What do you think? 136 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,177 Well, it's very nice. 137 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:28,388 It's not very exciting, but it's a safe present. 138 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:31,058 Uh...how much is that? 139 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,728 $33. 140 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,022 $33? 141 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,358 You mean, for two extra dollars, 142 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,694 I get all this? 143 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,114 It certainly is a big present. 144 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:50,410 I don't know. Do you like it? 145 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,579 Mr. Petrie... 146 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,207 All I can tell you is this-- 147 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,417 when you are walking down the street with your wife, 148 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,378 and she is wearing that necklace, 149 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:03,215 people will stop, point and say, 150 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,343 "Look at that woman." 151 00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,766 Yeah, wrap it up. 152 00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,268 ( LAUGHTER ) 153 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,069 Honey, I'm home. 154 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,612 Honey? Laurie? Come on out 155 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,406 and greet your emperor. 156 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,784 Hi, honey. Hi. 157 00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:32,744 Take off your apron. Why? 158 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,581 Because an Empress doesn't wear an apron to a coronation. 159 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,457 You'll have to forgive me 160 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,418 if I seem a bit dense, Your Majesty, 161 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,503 but I've been scrubbing the palace floors all day 162 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,298 and doing the king's laundry, and... What are you talking about? 163 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,675 First take off the apron. 164 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,552 And sit down, your loveliness. 165 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,762 Because in about 12 seconds, you're gonna give out 166 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:55,559 with the biggest "Oh, Rob" that you ever gave out in your life. 167 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102 You bought me a present! 168 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,604 Oh, Rob, you shouldn't have. 169 00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,105 Or should you? What is today? 170 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,106 It isn't your birthday, 171 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,734 and it isn't your anniversary, either. What is it, then? 172 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:07,112 It's coronation day at the Petries'. 173 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,114 For you, honey. 174 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,074 Well, what's the occasion? 175 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,826 No occasion. Just bought it for you 176 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:15,370 'cause you're such a nice guy, that's why. 177 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,416 Oh, Rob! 178 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,338 Oh, Rob! 179 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,797 I knew it. 180 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,635 Take it out, it's yours. 181 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,223 How do you like it, honey? Isn't that something? 182 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,642 Yes. Well, it really is something. 183 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,478 Oh, boy, I was afraid you weren't gonna like it. 184 00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:40,771 Were you afraid of that? 185 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,231 Oh, boy, was I. 186 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,107 Honey, do you really like it? 187 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,611 What a silly question. 188 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239 I mean, it's, you know-- 189 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,366 it's kind of an unusual piece, 190 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,743 and a lot of people might think it's too much. 191 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,828 Let me try it on you. I want to see how it looks. 192 00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:00,791 I'm really not dressed right to do justice to it. 193 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,335 Just for fun, honey. 194 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,170 I want to see how you look in it. 195 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,797 Now stand up. 196 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,219 It's, uh, kind of heavy. 197 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,762 Oh, honey, you look more majestic 198 00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,347 than Empress Carlota. 199 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,807 It does something for you. 200 00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:18,517 Did you say Empress Carlota? 201 00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,686 That was designed especially for her. 202 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,813 Wait a minute, I'll get the mirror. 203 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:25,732 Well, then this is a real piece of jewelry. 204 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,693 It's not the one Maximilian had designed. 205 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,736 That cost a quarter of a million dollars. 206 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,530 And this one? 207 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,700 Now, honey, it's not polite to ask the price. 208 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,707 Well, it--it looks so...expensive. 209 00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,750 I mean, wasn't it too much money? 210 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,836 Now, honey, that's none of your business. 211 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,631 It's your job just to wear it and enjoy it, okay? 212 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,466 Okay. 213 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,179 ( CHUCKLING ) 214 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,725 Oh, Rob. 215 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:02,853 Thank you for being so sweet and thoughtful. 216 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,771 Honey, do you really like it? 217 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,566 Like it? Rob, I cherish it. 218 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,651 You know what I'm gonna do? No. what? 219 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,361 I'm gonna take this necklace 220 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,863 and put it in its little box 221 00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:15,240 and lock it up in my dresser drawer forever. 222 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,578 No! 223 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,747 That's only when it's not gonna be around your neck. 224 00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:25,709 'cause most of the time, you're gonna be wearing this. 225 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:27,753 Even looks good from the back. 226 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,630 Let me see it. 227 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,923 Oh, boy. 228 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,262 Jerry: Hey, Rob, when can we come out of the kitchen? 229 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,264 Come in now, I'm all finished. 230 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,850 Boy, where's this fabulous necklace 231 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,393 you invited us over to rave about? 232 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,312 I had to get the stage set first. 233 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,564 You guys in show business-- everything's a big production. 234 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,608 Come on, sit down. Well, let's go. 235 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:51,610 You all ready? Yeah. 236 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,820 ( HUMMING FANFARE ) 237 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:10,796 May I present the Empress Carlota? 238 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,840 Rob, this is so silly. 239 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,885 Huh? Jerry, Millie, is that the wildest necklace 240 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,720 you ever saw in your life? 241 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,681 Wow. 242 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,516 It must've cost a fortune! 243 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:24,977 Yeah. Millie, what do you think? 244 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:28,272 Oh, Rob, I don't know what to say. 245 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:31,441 It certainly is wild. 246 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,443 I can't wait to take her out and show her off in this. 247 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,320 Oh, Rob, it's a knockout. 248 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,489 It looks like a chandelier. 249 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,826 You know something? When I first saw it, 250 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,036 I couldn't make up my mind whether I liked it or not. 251 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,831 But it grows on you, doesn't it? 252 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,082 Yeah. 253 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,003 It does look like it's growing. 254 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,798 Hey, Rob, where did you find it? 255 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,009 I'd like to pick out one just like it for Millie. 256 00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,886 No! 257 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,804 I mean, I'd love one, 258 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,514 but how would it look 259 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,516 to have two wild, beautiful necklaces 260 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,560 in the same neighborhood? 261 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:09,313 You wouldn't mind if I found one just like it for Millie? 262 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,690 Well, I don't know-- of course she'd mind! 263 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,776 I'd mind, the whole neighborhood would mind. 264 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,695 Let's get some coffee. 265 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,614 Yeah, let's get some coffee. 266 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,324 You know something, Jerry? 267 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,576 I see what Millie means about two necklaces. 268 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,579 That makes sense. Yeah, I guess you're right. 269 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:29,374 I don't understand it. I thought Rob had such good taste. 270 00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:36,423 Ordinarily, he does, but every once in a while, 271 00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,383 he'll do something just like this. 272 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,344 Last year, he bought me a pair of shoes 273 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,889 with plastic heels that glowed in the dark. 274 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,391 Luckily, I was able to return those. 275 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,853 You mean you can't return this? 276 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,481 I can't. Rob thinks it's beautiful. 277 00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:54,858 He's gonna want me to wear it all the time. 278 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:58,529 If I know him, he'll ask me to wear it with my nightgown. 279 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,533 I wonder how Empress Carlota 280 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,910 got rid of hers. 281 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,037 She went mad. 282 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,750 We can put it in the blender and drink it. 283 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,754 Millie. 284 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,674 Well, you can always just throw it away. 285 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,511 Millie, you don't just throw away an expensive necklace. 286 00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:24,388 Wear it to a rotten neighborhood. 287 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,599 Maybe you'll get held up by a thief with bad taste. 288 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:31,436 Stop making jokes and tell me what I'm gonna do with that thing. 289 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,522 Well, I know what I'd do 290 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,691 if Jerry brought home something like this. 291 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,610 What? I'd say, "Jerry, take it back." 292 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:41,822 I can't do that to Rob. He's too sensitive. 293 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,869 He's too sensitive? 294 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:50,539 Millie, you know what I'm gonna have to do? 295 00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:52,749 I'm just gonna have to tell him the truth. 296 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:56,545 Gently but honestly, I'll tell him that-- 297 00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:59,006 Tell me what, honey? That, uh... 298 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,926 I've never been so thrilled by anything in my life, 299 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,971 and I just don't know how to show my appreciation. 300 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,766 Honey, you don't have to tell me anything. 301 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:13,854 The way your face lights up when you put it on... 302 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,732 The way the whole room lights up when you put it on... 303 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,775 Makes it worth everything. 304 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:22,070 You just wear it and light up the world. 305 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,656 Come on, you guys, what about that coffee? 306 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:33,081 The longer you wait, the harder it'll get. 307 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,792 I'll tell him. I'll-- 308 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,794 tonight, I'll tell him. 309 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,464 After you leave. 310 00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:42,633 Good night, Millie. Good night, Millie. 311 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:45,511 Ha ha! Boy, they were really impressed. 312 00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:47,721 You know, Jerry wanted to buy it from me. 313 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,932 Come on, honey, I'll help you clear up the dishes. 314 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:53,560 Uh, Rob, why don't we just sit here and talk for a while? 315 00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,188 It's kind of late. Can't we talk while we clear up the dishes? 316 00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:59,107 Well, I just feel like relaxing for a while. 317 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,817 Sit here, honey. 318 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,236 Okay. 319 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,530 What do you want to talk about? 320 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:07,699 Well, um...this. 321 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,618 Isn't that cute? 322 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:13,497 You want to talk about the necklace. 323 00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:15,499 You're really excited about it, aren't you? 324 00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:17,584 Um, well, Rob-- 325 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,586 Honey, you don't have to say anything. 326 00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,589 It overwhelms me, too. I understand. 327 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,633 No, Rob, I don't think you do. 328 00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:26,844 I think I do. 329 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,887 Well, just let me talk for a while, 330 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,639 and don't interrupt me, all right? 331 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,057 Okay, honey. 332 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,977 Um...Rob? 333 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,020 I just can't-- 334 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:40,065 ( CLEARS THROAT ) I can't tell you how-- 335 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:43,277 how thrilled I am that you bought this-- 336 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,737 this expensive necklace for me. 337 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,906 Oh, honey, it wasn't that expensive. 338 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:51,618 I mean, it-- it wasn't my birthday, 339 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,996 and I just-- Oh, honey. 340 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,248 Well, I'll never forget how you said you were giving it to me 341 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,250 'cause I'm a nice guy. 342 00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,127 You don't have to say anything. 343 00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:02,045 I understand. 344 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,797 No, I don't think you do. 345 00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:06,300 Yes, I do. No, you don't. 346 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:09,136 Yes, I do. I've got a very beautiful 347 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,762 and sensitive wife 348 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,306 who appreciates a loving husband. 349 00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,057 Now, don't I understand? 350 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,186 ( WHIMPERS ) Now, honey... 351 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,605 Why don't you go and get ready to go to sleep, 352 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,273 and I'll finish clearing up the dishes, okay? 353 00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:23,066 Okay. 354 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,654 Hey, honey? Don't take off the necklace. 355 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,823 I want to see what it looks like with your nightgown. 356 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,786 Oh, Rob. 357 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,791 ( CRIES ) 358 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,337 Honey, tomorrow I'm gonna buy you 359 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:46,256 a matching bracelet. 360 00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:49,051 ( SOBBING ) 361 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:51,136 Boy, is she happy. 362 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,893 No, Millie, I haven't told him yet. 363 00:16:57,935 --> 00:17:00,812 Well, I just couldn't tell him last night. 364 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,898 No, I can't tell him tonight. 365 00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,276 He's invited his parents over to see it. 366 00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:08,362 Well, I'll tell him. 367 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:11,198 I'll definitely tell him tonight, as soon as they leave. 368 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,075 Well, anyway... 369 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,952 "the farmer grabbed Tommy the turkey 370 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,662 "by his scrawny, thin neck, 371 00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,081 and Tommy the turkey went aah! Uhh!" 372 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,332 Edward! 373 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,877 Hi, folks. Sorry I'm late. 374 00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:25,879 Hi, daddy! Hi, Rich. 375 00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,339 Hi. 376 00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,174 How's my Empress today? 377 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,176 Just fine, dear. 378 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,220 Hey, you folks are looking wonderful. 379 00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:35,180 You don't look too bad yourself, son. 380 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,099 Laura takes pretty good care of me. 381 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,725 Pretty good care? 382 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,727 Laura, you're doing a marvelous job. 383 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:43,188 He looks almost as good as the day I gave him to you. 384 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:46,024 Oh, thank you, mother. 385 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,694 Well, you been a good boy today? 386 00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:51,238 Wonderful. He's so cute. 387 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,782 The image of you when you were a boy. 388 00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:56,326 Oh, now, wait a minute. I wouldn't say that. 389 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,036 This boy is cute. 390 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,706 Laura, Rob was the funniest-looking boy 391 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,082 in the whole middle west. 392 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,252 Don't you believe it. Rob was beautiful. 393 00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,379 He only looked funny to make people laugh. 394 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,382 Well, all I can say is, I'm glad that he takes after Laura. 395 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,217 Daddy, did you bring anything? 396 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,719 I sure did. 397 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,220 A genuine rock. 398 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,390 A genuine rock? Oh, boy, thanks! 399 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:20,893 All that happiness for just a rock? 400 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,812 What does he do when you bring him a present? 401 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,355 Exactly the same thing, 402 00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,149 just as long as I bring him something. 403 00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,318 I've got him trained that way. 404 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,404 Matter of fact, I've got his mama trained the same way. 405 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,908 You should've seen the big kiss I got last night. 406 00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:39,119 You brought her a rock, too? 407 00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,246 Well, something like that. 408 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,081 Honey, didn't you tell them about the-- 409 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,833 No, I thought you'd want to be here 410 00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,126 to share in the excitement. 411 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,003 What excitement? What is it? 412 00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,421 Folks, I want your complete 413 00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:51,048 and undivided attention. 414 00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,424 Laura: Rob, don't overdo it. 415 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,926 Overdo what? 416 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,260 I would like to inform you 417 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,929 of a new addition to our family. 418 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,347 Both: You're going to have a baby! 419 00:18:58,388 --> 00:18:59,890 No, they're not! 420 00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:01,266 It's just that my wife 421 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,768 is now the proud owner 422 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,102 of an original copy 423 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,104 of an Empress Carlota necklace. 424 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,773 No! 425 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,276 Oh, no! 426 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,029 I'm sorry... 427 00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:16,323 But I've never seen anything 428 00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:18,826 So absolutely beautiful. 429 00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,245 Edward, will you look at this gorgeous necklace? 430 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,871 Did you ever?! 431 00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:24,289 Never. 432 00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,752 Looks like a chandelier. 433 00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:30,879 Edward! 434 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:34,132 It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 435 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,468 I think I'm going to cry. 436 00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:38,971 ( SOBBING ) 437 00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:40,806 Mom, you don't have to cry. 438 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,349 Oh, yes, she does. 439 00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,812 She cries when I take her to museums. 440 00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:49,523 Only because I love beautiful things. 441 00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:52,025 Well, mother, you think this is beautiful? 442 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,278 Absolutely breathtaking. 443 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,321 ( SOBBING ) 444 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,866 Mom, would you like to try it on? 445 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,284 You don't mind, honey? 446 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,286 Mind? No, I don't mind. 447 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,288 Do you think I could? Should I? 448 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,998 Oh, Laura, perhaps I shouldn't. 449 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,833 Let's just see how it looks on you. 450 00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:10,419 Go ahead, mom. I'll get the mirror for you. 451 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,963 It's a copy of the one Maximilian had made 452 00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:15,382 for Empress Carlota just before she went mad. 453 00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:17,009 Well, how do I look? 454 00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:18,552 See for yourself, mom. 455 00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:21,513 Oh, my goodness! 456 00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,891 ( SOBBING HYSTERICALLY ) 457 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:29,188 It's so lovely! 458 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,856 Better take that mirror away 459 00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:33,066 before she floods the living room. 460 00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:36,028 Mother, are you all right? 461 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:39,531 All right? She's having a ball. 462 00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:41,492 Crying's her hobby. 463 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:44,953 Mother and dad, would you excuse us for just a minute? 464 00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:46,955 Rob, could I see you in the kitchen for just a minute? 465 00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,332 Sure, honey. 466 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,000 ( SOBBING CONTINUES ) 467 00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:53,086 She's really excited about that necklace. 468 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,088 What did you want me for, honey? 469 00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:57,883 Um, Rob, I want to ask you something, 470 00:20:57,925 --> 00:21:01,386 and I want you to be perfectly honest with me. Sure, honey. 471 00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,263 You will be honest, won't you? 472 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:04,848 Aren't I always honest with you? 473 00:21:04,890 --> 00:21:06,975 Yes, you are. 474 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:10,270 Rob, what would you say-- 475 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:13,023 how would you feel if I were to give the necklace 476 00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,067 to your mother as a present? 477 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,443 What? 478 00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:18,987 Well, her birthday isn't too far off, 479 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:22,241 and I can't think of anything that would make her happier. 480 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,243 Laura, do you mean you'd give my mother 481 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,994 the necklace I gave you? 482 00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:27,996 I guess it was a thoughtless suggestion. 483 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,456 I'm sorry. 484 00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:32,125 Thoughtless? 485 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:35,212 You're the nicest, sweetest, 486 00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:39,007 kindest, most generous person in the whole world. 487 00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:40,926 Oh, no, Rob, I'm not. 488 00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:43,428 Oh, yes, you are. No, it's-- 489 00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:46,932 it's just that your mother seems to really love, and I-- 490 00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:48,600 I know. I know what you thought, 491 00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:50,394 and I love you for it. 492 00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,312 Come on, let's go tell mother. 493 00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:07,244 You really love it, don't you, mom? 494 00:22:07,286 --> 00:22:09,079 It's only the most beautiful necklace 495 00:22:09,121 --> 00:22:10,664 I've ever seen in my life. 496 00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:12,958 And I go to museums. 497 00:22:12,958 --> 00:22:14,459 What are you doing, mom? 498 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:17,671 I'm trying to unclasp it. Let me help you. 499 00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:20,924 What have you done, son? You've fastened it again. 500 00:22:20,966 --> 00:22:22,384 Mom... 501 00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:24,469 Laura and I want you to keep it. 502 00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:26,054 What? 503 00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:29,975 I married a great girl. 504 00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:32,186 Laura wants to give it to you for your birthday. 505 00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:35,564 But my birthday isn't till-- 506 00:22:35,606 --> 00:22:38,025 Oh, my goodness. 507 00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:40,402 ( SOBBING ) 508 00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:45,240 Here we go again. 509 00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:26,406 Hi, honey. Oh, honey! Don't do that! 510 00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:28,200 Hi. 511 00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:30,285 I'm sorry I'm late. I had to work. 512 00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:32,412 What do you have behind your back? 513 00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:35,415 Close your eyes, hold out your hands. 514 00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:41,421 Okay, open them. 515 00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:45,008 Oh, Rob. oh, you shouldn't have! 516 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:46,760 I mean it, you really shouldn't have. 517 00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:48,053 Open it. 518 00:23:49,555 --> 00:23:52,182 This isn't another Empress. 519 00:23:52,224 --> 00:23:53,559 Honey, I looked all over town. 520 00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:55,435 And you found one? 521 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:58,730 You didn't find one! 522 00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,649 I'm sorry, honey. I tried, but-- 523 00:24:00,691 --> 00:24:03,527 Oh, Rob, it's beautiful! 524 00:24:03,569 --> 00:24:05,070 I love it. 525 00:24:05,112 --> 00:24:07,364 Oh, honey, it's no Empress Carlota. 526 00:24:07,406 --> 00:24:10,492 Oh, but, Rob, it's so simple and elegant. 527 00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,578 Honey, you're just saying that. 528 00:24:12,578 --> 00:24:14,788 Rob, you may not believe this, 529 00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:17,749 but I love this one just as much-- 530 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:20,335 No, I love it more than the other. 531 00:24:20,377 --> 00:24:22,045 Honey, I don't believe you, 532 00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:23,797 but thanks for saying it anyway. 533 00:24:23,839 --> 00:24:25,382 I love you. 534 00:24:25,424 --> 00:24:27,092 You know something? 535 00:24:27,134 --> 00:24:28,468 I want to let you in on a little secret 536 00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,387 about that Carlota necklace. 537 00:24:30,429 --> 00:24:32,598 I know something about that necklace. 538 00:24:32,598 --> 00:24:34,183 Oh? Mm-hmm. 539 00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:36,143 It's not so unusual. 540 00:24:36,185 --> 00:24:39,146 There are plenty of copies all over, 541 00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:41,607 and I'm not gonna rest till I get my hands on one 542 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,650 and put it around your neck. 543 00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:47,154 ( SOBBING ) Oh, no! 544 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:50,324 Oh, no! 545 00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:52,326 ~~38962

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