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[theme music]
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NARRATOR: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Where's Rich?
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Shouldn't he be eating?
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- He's already had breakfast. - What did he have?
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Waffles and bacon.
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How come he gets all those good things
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and I always get scrambled eggs?
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Dear, because when I ask you what you want for breakfast,
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you always say scrambled eggs.
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Well honey, that's because I'm half asleep.
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I got scrambled eggs memorized.
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Next time you ask me and I mumble scrambled eggs,
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give me waffles.
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Well then how do I know when you really want scrambled eggs?
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When you ask me and I mumble waffles--
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I'll make scrambled eggs.
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Yeah, that's nice.
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And if I mumble toast and jam--
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well, I'll make you a little list of mumbles.
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Daddy?
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Yeah, Rich?
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What's my name.
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Your name-- let's see face looks familiar.
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Seen you somewhere before.
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Were you in the army?
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No, really, daddy.
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Well, you know your name is Richie.
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Yeah, Richard Duffy.
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I know that.
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I mean, what's, my other name?
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Well, uh-- well, you've never heard us call you
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anything else, have you, Rich?
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I mean, Ricky--
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Richie Petrie, that's it.
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Don't I have a middle name like my friend
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Freddy William Hillber?
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Or my other friend [inaudible] Emmanuel Siegle?
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Well--
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Or my other friend, Lucas Joseph Craner?
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Well I-- I--
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I get the idea, Rich.
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You mean like a middle-- middle name.
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Yeah.
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Do I have one?
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Well, not-- not exactly, Rich, not exactly.
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But if it says on your birth certificate
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that you have a middle name, isn't that your middle name?
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Richie, where did you get that?
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I was playing in the desk and I found it in an iron box.
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Honey, did you leave that box locked?
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I've told you 100 times.
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Rob, you opened it last to show Jerry your high school
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school board jump medal.
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Well it doesn't make any difference who opened it.
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You should have locked it.
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And you, young man, are not supposed
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to get in your daddy's desk.
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I'm sorry.
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Is that my middle name, Rosebud?
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Richard Rosebud Petrie.
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Well, Richard, it seems that way, doesn't it?
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How come I got a sissy name like Rose?
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Richie, dear, it's a long story.
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And we don't have time to go into it now.
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Tonight?
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Well, we'll talk about it later.
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You get to school or you'll be late.
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Hey, Rich, you don't have to tell
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your school friends that your middle name is-- is Rosebud.
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Isn't it?
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Well, we will talk about it tonight, OK?
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OK, daddy.
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Goodbye, dear.
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Goodbye, mommy.
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Rob, why didn't you lock that box?
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Well, honey, he was bound to find
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out sooner or later that his middle name is Rosebud.
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I'd prefer that he were older when he found out.
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He'd be better able to protect himself.
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Well, maybe when he hears the facts, he'll forgive us.
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Don't you mean forgive you?
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No, I mean us.
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You were partly responsible, you must admit.
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I admit nothing.
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Rosebud was your idea.
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You still here?
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No, I'm not.
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Rob, that wasn't worthy of a comedy writer.
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I'm not making any quips.
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I'm not here.
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I was back eight years, just before Rich was born.
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What are you doing way back there?
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You'll be late for work.
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I know.
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I'm just trying to collect all of the facts.
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You know, when he comes home tonight,
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he's going to expect us to tell him
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why his middle name is Rosebud.
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Well, tell him the truth.
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I intend to.
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I just want to be sure I remember everything.
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Well then start from the beginning.
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Tell him about the day you found out
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you were going to be a father.
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That's when it all started, you know?
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You're right, that's the day it started.
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We were still in the old office and.
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You came in to visit me.
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Buddy and I were in having a meeting with Alan,
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and you walked in on Sally, remember?
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I remember.
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[knocking]
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Come in.
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Is Rob in?
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No, he's-- well, hi, Laura.
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What are you doing here?
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Hi.
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I had to be downtown.
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So I thought I'd stop in and surprise Rob.
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Where is he?
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Well, he and Buddy went with Alan Brady.
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We wrote a sensational sketch.
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And they're in there trying to convince him it's sensational.
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- How long will it take? - Forever.
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Why?
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The sketch is rotten.
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I'm only kidding. Come on, Laura.
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Sit down, make yourself comfortable.
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Oh, thank you.
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Thank you, that's much more comfortable.
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Oh, don't let me disturb you.
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I can see you're writing.
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Well, it's just a letter to Aunt Agnes.
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You wouldn't have any news, would you?
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News?
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Well, I mean, I'm down to writing
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about Mr Henderson's love life.
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Oh, no, no news.
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Say, how did you happen to name your cat, Mr Henderson?
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Well, I was engaged to a fellow
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named Bill Henderson once.
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I don't think I've ever heard you speak of him.
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Well, that's because when I speak of him, it gets to,
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me right here.
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Laura?
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Well, don't you feel funny calling a cat Mr. Henderson?
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Well, it's just like my Aunt Agnes always says,
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what's in a name?
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A cat by any other name still wouldn't smell like a rose.
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Laura, you sure you don't have any news?
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Well, I do have a bit of news for Rob.
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When do you think he'll be through with Alan?
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Oh, about five minutes to an hour.
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But you wouldn't want to wait that long, would you?
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Well, no, it's-0- it's kind of important.
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Laura, did you by any chance have a visit with the doctor
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this morning?
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Oh Marge, Marge, buzz Alan Brady's room.
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Tell Rob to come in here immediately.
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It's an emergency.
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Really, I could wait.
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I know, but I couldn't.
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Oh, but Mr. Brady--
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Oh, so let him foam at the mouth.
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This is more important.
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Oh, Laura, Rob is going to flip.
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And don't worry, I'll leave you two alone so you can tell him.
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OK.
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Listen, how did you know?
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Your smile.
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It's obvious you're smiling for two now.
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Sal, what's the big emergency?
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Laura, what are you doing down here?
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What are you doing here? I didn't send for you.
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You stay in a room with a comedian
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who was foaming at the mouth.
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Honey, what's the matter?
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Is anything wrong at home?
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Was Mr Brady really angry that we
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called you out of the meeting?
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Let's just say that he was not happy.
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You can tell by the way he threw his cigarette
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at Mel Cooley's head.
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Honey, what's the matter?
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I should have waited.
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Would you fellows please get back to the conference room
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before Mr Brady fires us all?
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He can't fire you without divorcing your sister.
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Rob, please.
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Hello, Laura.
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Honey, what is it?
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We're busy, as you can see.
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Well, what I have to tell you--
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it can wait.
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Well then why did you have Sally
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call me out of the meeting?
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Laura, don't let these bullies intimidate you.
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Now, you just take your time.
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We'll wait outside.
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Take our time?
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Our boss is waiting.
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Alan is furious.
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He threw a cigar at Mel's head.
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Yeah, and it was lit.
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You can see it burned out the whole forest.
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Rob, can we please get back to work?
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Hey, maybe we can get the government to replant.
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What was it you wanted to tell me?
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- Nothing. - Now come, let's go.
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Where? Where are we going?
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Yankee Stadium.
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The Dodgers are playing John Wayne and I got ringside seats.
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I read the book.
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What is going on here?
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Honey, are you all right?
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No, I'm--
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I'm just fine.
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Well honey, come on.
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Well, I just came from the doctor.
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Doctor?
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What happened?
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Well, I drove down this morning.
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What, in the car?
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Alone? - Yes.
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- On the highway? - Yes.
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You smashed into somebody.
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You've had an accident.
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Honey, I have told you and told you,
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even though you have your license, now
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you oughtn't be out driving around
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alone, especially on a highway.
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You're not that sure of yourself.
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Well, I'm sorry, darling.
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Anyway, you're all right.
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Nobody was hurt.
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Well, the rabbit died.
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Are-- you-- oh my gosh.
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I'll get-- the rabbit--
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I'll get some water.
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We're going to ave-- we're going to be fathers.
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- No. - Mothers.
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Yes.
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How about that?
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You like the idea?
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The best idea you've have since we married.
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You like it?
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I can't wait to meet little Roberta or Robert Jr.
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You mean Laura or Lawrence Jr.?
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No, I don't, darling.
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It's going to be named after you.
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After you, sweetheart.
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I don't even want to discuss it.
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I'm glad to hear that.
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Because the kid is not going to be named after me.
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He'll have another handicaps as it is.
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Hey, congratulations.
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How about that?
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[interposing voices]
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The rabbit died.
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Sit down, honey.
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Laura, I had to tell them.
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I hope you don't mind.
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Oh, no, not at all.
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In fact, you can even read it to your Aunt Agnes.
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Hey, hey, hey, what are you going to call the kid?
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Well, since he'll be born while you're
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working on "The Alan Brady Show,"
271
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,048
why don't you consider Alan?
272
00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:36,250
Why don't you consider playing in traffic?
273
00:09:38,719 --> 00:09:39,821
I'm going to tell Alan.
274
00:09:39,921 --> 00:09:42,723
He'll be so thrilled a baby is born on his show.
275
00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:43,958
OK, I got the name.
276
00:09:44,058 --> 00:09:45,026
I got the name for the kid.
277
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:45,960
You ready?
278
00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:48,329
Exit.
279
00:09:48,429 --> 00:09:49,363
Exit?
280
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,865
Yeah, the kid grows up to be an actor,
281
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,134
he'll have his name in every theater in the country.
282
00:09:55,870 --> 00:09:57,939
I've got a name I've been saving for a parakeet
283
00:09:58,039 --> 00:10:00,007
but you can have it.
284
00:10:00,108 --> 00:10:00,975
You ready?
285
00:10:01,075 --> 00:10:03,611
Not really, but go ahead.
286
00:10:03,711 --> 00:10:05,947
Valentino.
287
00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:06,914
Valentino?
288
00:10:07,014 --> 00:10:08,049
You mean like in Rudolph?
289
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,751
No, I mean like in Saul.
290
00:10:10,852 --> 00:10:12,186
Of course I mean like Rudolph.
291
00:10:12,286 --> 00:10:14,689
And if it's a girl, Valentina.
292
00:10:14,789 --> 00:10:15,723
Come on.
293
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:16,757
Oh, come on.
294
00:10:16,858 --> 00:10:17,992
What do you know, what's good?
295
00:10:18,092 --> 00:10:21,095
Alan says I'm right it, should be Alan.
296
00:10:21,195 --> 00:10:22,129
Pay no attention to him.
297
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,030
I got it.
298
00:10:23,131 --> 00:10:24,165
I got it.
299
00:10:24,265 --> 00:10:25,466
What is it?
300
00:10:25,566 --> 00:10:26,234
Humphrey.
301
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,403
Get rid of it.
302
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,005
What's wrong with Humphrey?
303
00:10:31,105 --> 00:10:32,340
Bogart didn't do bad with it.
304
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,208
Well, Marie [inaudible] didn't do bad either.
305
00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:36,143
But would you name your kid Marie [inaudible]??
306
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:37,545
No, and for only one reason.
307
00:10:37,645 --> 00:10:38,579
Why?
308
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,116
Because my brother named his kid that.
309
00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:43,618
Look, you guys, we have plenty of time.
310
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,586
Now why don't you just write all your suggestions
311
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,788
down on a piece of paper and mail them to us,
312
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:49,290
and we'll consider.
313
00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:51,592
Yes, and in case of a tie, the decision of the mother
314
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:52,727
will be final.
315
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:54,362
Except if the father disagrees, in which case
316
00:10:54,462 --> 00:10:56,964
it will be Laura or Laurence Jr.
317
00:10:57,064 --> 00:10:58,933
[interposing voices]
318
00:11:19,186 --> 00:11:22,290
Well, honey, if you'd just given in to the name Lawrence,
319
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,158
he wouldn't have ended up saddled with a middle name
320
00:11:24,258 --> 00:11:25,459
like Rosebud.
321
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,094
Darling, aren't you forgetting something?
322
00:11:27,194 --> 00:11:28,262
I did give in.
323
00:11:28,362 --> 00:11:29,564
It was your mother.
324
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:30,665
My mother?
325
00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,366
Honey, your mother was the impossible one.
326
00:11:32,466 --> 00:11:35,303
Are you trying to say that my mother was responsible?
327
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,872
Well, she sure contributed to it greatly.
328
00:11:37,972 --> 00:11:41,075
I remember that day as clearly as I remember anything.
329
00:11:41,175 --> 00:11:42,276
And you know my memory.
330
00:11:42,376 --> 00:11:43,978
Yes, and it's only fair.
331
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,680
[doorbell rings]
332
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,114
You better finish your coffee, dear.
333
00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,316
You'll be late for work.
334
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:54,255
I've got a great memory.
335
00:11:54,355 --> 00:11:56,924
I remember exactly what her mother said.
336
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:02,730
Oscar.
337
00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:04,465
I beg your pardon?
338
00:12:04,565 --> 00:12:06,167
Oscar.
339
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,735
Oscar?
340
00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:10,071
Oh, I think Oscar's a beautiful name.
341
00:12:10,171 --> 00:12:11,205
Don't you, Rob?
342
00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:13,341
Well, it's a name.
343
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,875
Isn't it though?
344
00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:16,477
It has such strength.
345
00:12:16,577 --> 00:12:17,845
Well--
346
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,247
Oh, and such distinguished men have had the name of Oscar.
347
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:23,184
Oscar Strauss, the wonderful composer,
348
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:28,789
Oscar Hammerstein, the wonderful lyricist, Oscar Middleton--
349
00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:29,490
Oscar Middleton?
350
00:12:29,590 --> 00:12:30,458
What was he a wonderful?
351
00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:32,727
A wonderful taxidermist.
352
00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:35,563
You know Laura's grandfather stuffed animals.
353
00:12:35,663 --> 00:12:37,164
Oh, that's right, honey.
354
00:12:37,264 --> 00:12:40,001
I remember he gave us that old owl we've got up in the attic--
355
00:12:40,101 --> 00:12:41,235
Right there, darling.
356
00:12:41,335 --> 00:12:42,436
Oh, it's on the piano.
357
00:12:46,007 --> 00:12:47,208
Beautiful. We love it.
358
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,142
And we move it.
359
00:12:48,242 --> 00:12:50,678
It's everywhere.
360
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:52,513
I think you can put it away now, dear.
361
00:12:52,613 --> 00:12:54,415
Oh.
362
00:12:54,515 --> 00:12:58,819
Well, as I was saying, I think Oscar is a wonderful name,
363
00:12:58,919 --> 00:13:00,087
don't you?
364
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:02,790
But Oscar doesn't go with Petrie.
365
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:07,028
Oscar Petrie-- oh, that doesn't work at all.
366
00:13:07,128 --> 00:13:09,163
Oscar Petrie works fine.
367
00:13:09,263 --> 00:13:11,565
No, too many syllables.
368
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:15,403
Our name Petrie needs a good, short name in front of it.
369
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,939
Like Sam-- Sam Petrie, oh, there's a name you
370
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,274
feel like doing business with.
371
00:13:20,374 --> 00:13:22,610
Sam Petrie on the phone--
372
00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:24,245
Sam Petrie, put him right on.
373
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,281
Love doing business with old Sam Petrie.
374
00:13:27,381 --> 00:13:28,315
Hi, Sam.
375
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,717
How's my boy?
376
00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:30,718
Ha ha ha.
377
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,056
I want to give a go, Sam.
378
00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:37,058
Sam Petrie is a beautiful name.
379
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:38,993
What's wrong with the name Sam?
380
00:13:39,093 --> 00:13:40,027
Nothing, Sam.
381
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,468
You have a beautiful name.
382
00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:50,471
Only you have two nephews already named after you.
383
00:13:50,571 --> 00:13:51,572
I know, I know.
384
00:13:51,672 --> 00:13:53,374
But not one grandson.
385
00:13:53,474 --> 00:13:55,543
Sam is a great name.
386
00:13:55,643 --> 00:13:57,011
Dad, you like your name so much, how
387
00:13:57,111 --> 00:13:58,245
come you never named me Sam?
388
00:13:58,345 --> 00:14:00,247
Because my father liked Rob.
389
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:03,084
And I respected my father's wishes.
390
00:14:03,184 --> 00:14:04,485
Well, I like Sam.
391
00:14:04,585 --> 00:14:05,786
But I just like a name with more--
392
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:06,520
Oh, what?
393
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,621
Sam has got everything.
394
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:09,390
Even named a whole country Sam.
395
00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:11,325
Don't you mean Siam?
396
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:12,493
No, I don't.
397
00:14:12,593 --> 00:14:16,263
I mean good old Uncle Sam.
398
00:14:16,363 --> 00:14:17,431
[interposing voices]
399
00:14:17,531 --> 00:14:21,302
E-D-W-A-R-D.
400
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,603
Who's Edward?
401
00:14:22,703 --> 00:14:24,372
My father's oldest brother, Uncle Edward.
402
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,307
Let's see someone take that name apart.
403
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,775
E-D-W--
404
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:31,612
You don't have to spell it, dear.
405
00:14:31,712 --> 00:14:33,147
It's a very nice name.
406
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,815
But it's no Oscar.
407
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,084
Which, by the way, the movie Academy
408
00:14:37,184 --> 00:14:38,619
calls their gold statue.
409
00:14:38,719 --> 00:14:40,588
Which, in 1940, should have been
410
00:14:40,688 --> 00:14:43,657
won by the man who played in "Dr. Ehrlich's Magic
411
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:46,861
Bullet," Edward G. Robinson.
412
00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:51,365
Who also played Little Caesar, a vicious gangster.
413
00:14:51,465 --> 00:14:53,267
Mom, wouldn't you like--
414
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,402
I wouldn't like any grandson of mine
415
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,971
to be named after a killer.
416
00:14:57,071 --> 00:14:58,939
Well, my brother Edward was decorated
417
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:00,174
in the First World War.
418
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,709
You wouldn't call him a killer.
419
00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:03,511
What was he decorated for?
420
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:07,515
He blew up a machine gun nest with a hand grenade.
421
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:12,553
E-D-W-A-R-D, it's settled.
422
00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:14,655
[interposing voices]
423
00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:17,024
Dad, well, we all love the name Edward.
424
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,493
But there's already an Edward Jr. in the family.
425
00:15:19,593 --> 00:15:21,829
You can't have too many Edwards.
426
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,497
Folks, look, we're both flattered
427
00:15:23,597 --> 00:15:25,399
that you would like to name a child after someone
428
00:15:25,499 --> 00:15:27,168
you all love and admire.
429
00:15:27,268 --> 00:15:28,435
But we feel--
430
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,205
And you're right to feel that way, son.
431
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,873
Uh,why?
432
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:36,777
Well, because it's going to be your daughter or your son.
433
00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:40,014
And you and Laura are the ones that like the name.
434
00:15:40,114 --> 00:15:41,982
You're very understanding, Mother Petrie.
435
00:15:42,082 --> 00:15:45,085
Well, dear, there are very few names
436
00:15:45,186 --> 00:15:47,154
that everyone seems to like.
437
00:15:47,254 --> 00:15:53,260
Actually, I can't think of any that would please all of us.
438
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,096
Except--
439
00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:57,097
Benjamin.
440
00:15:57,198 --> 00:15:59,400
Yes, Benjamin.
441
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,634
Oh, mom.
442
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:06,841
Benjamin is the one name that everyone seems to like--
443
00:16:06,941 --> 00:16:12,513
Benjamin Franklin, our great statesmen, Benjamin Disraeli,
444
00:16:12,613 --> 00:16:14,648
prime minister of England--
445
00:16:14,748 --> 00:16:18,319
Benjamin the [inaudible],, famous pickpocket.
446
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:19,653
Sam.
447
00:16:19,753 --> 00:16:21,121
[inaudible] the [inaudible],, you want to call
448
00:16:21,222 --> 00:16:22,556
little Sam after a pickpocket?
449
00:16:22,656 --> 00:16:24,725
I thought we decided on Edward.
450
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:26,327
E-D-W--
451
00:16:26,427 --> 00:16:28,162
We know how to spell it.
452
00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:29,730
Rob, can did decide on Edward?
453
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:31,298
Well no, sir, we didn't decide.
454
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,100
[interposing voices]
455
00:16:40,174 --> 00:16:45,646
[whistle blows]
456
00:16:45,746 --> 00:16:47,481
Grandpa's whistling.
457
00:16:47,581 --> 00:16:49,049
[whistle blows]
458
00:16:49,149 --> 00:16:50,050
What is it, grandpa?
459
00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:07,935
If it's a boy, Ulysses David Petrie.
460
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:12,006
If it's a girl, Ulyssia Davida.
461
00:17:16,377 --> 00:17:17,645
That's it.
462
00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:24,018
Grandpa, grandpa, those are very beautiful names, but--
463
00:17:24,118 --> 00:17:30,224
Ulysses David if it's a boy, Ulyssia Davida if it's a girl.
464
00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:31,225
That's it.
465
00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:42,570
Or don't you care about sending an old man to his grave happy?
466
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,873
Grandpa, we know we want you to be happy.
467
00:17:45,973 --> 00:17:48,409
Nobody's sending you to your grave yet.
468
00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:51,979
I'll go to my grave when I want to.
469
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:56,583
Just try and let anybody try and stop me.
470
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:59,753
How come I didn't get an olive?
471
00:17:59,853 --> 00:18:03,857
You'd think they'd give an old man an olive.
472
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,426
Why didn't you give him an olive?
473
00:18:05,526 --> 00:18:06,760
Why didn't you give him an olive?
474
00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:08,595
He's your father.
475
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,898
[interposing voices]
476
00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:12,866
Darling, do you think we ought to start dessert?
477
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,201
Hm?
478
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,636
Oh yeah, mom, would you like to help Laura serve dessert?
479
00:18:15,736 --> 00:18:17,171
Oh, yes, of course.
480
00:18:17,271 --> 00:18:19,707
But don't you think we ought to settle on the name first?
481
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,142
It's settled as far as I'm concerned.
482
00:18:22,242 --> 00:18:23,077
It's Sam.
483
00:18:23,177 --> 00:18:23,777
Sam?
484
00:18:23,877 --> 00:18:26,146
Yes, S-A-M, Sam.
485
00:18:26,246 --> 00:18:27,514
Oh, give me a break.
486
00:18:27,614 --> 00:18:29,416
Edward, Edward, Edward.
487
00:18:29,516 --> 00:18:30,784
No.
488
00:18:30,884 --> 00:18:35,055
[interposing voices]
489
00:18:36,457 --> 00:18:39,026
[whistle blowing]
490
00:18:43,197 --> 00:18:44,598
Well, do you remember that it was
491
00:18:44,698 --> 00:18:46,767
you who was responsible for Richie's ending up
492
00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:48,235
with the middle name Rosebud.
493
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,371
No, all I can remember is that our parents
494
00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:51,605
were pretty unreasonable.
495
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:52,906
They certainly were.
496
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:54,241
But you still didn't have to do what you did.
497
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,276
Honey, you forget something, your parents
498
00:18:56,377 --> 00:18:58,078
threatened to boycott the baby.
499
00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,813
I did the only thing I could possibly
500
00:18:59,913 --> 00:19:01,382
do to make them all happy.
501
00:19:01,482 --> 00:19:04,151
Well, let's see if you can make Richie happy with Rosebud
502
00:19:04,251 --> 00:19:04,918
for a middle name.
503
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,420
Don't worry, I will.
504
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,621
Well, if you do I'll--
505
00:19:07,721 --> 00:19:08,956
You'll what?
506
00:19:09,056 --> 00:19:12,259
I'll kiss you so hard your teeth will rattle.
507
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,660
Good enough.
508
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,497
And listen, do a couple of things for me, will you?
509
00:19:16,597 --> 00:19:18,065
What's that?
510
00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,833
Well, when I get home tonight, put up Richie's Blackboard,
511
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:21,168
right about over there. - Mhm.
512
00:19:21,268 --> 00:19:22,970
And you better get me a dental appointment
513
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:25,139
because there's going to be a lot of loose teeth around here
514
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:26,440
tonight. Bye.
515
00:19:30,177 --> 00:19:31,078
OK, Rich.
516
00:19:31,178 --> 00:19:33,213
Now, you go sit on mama's lap there.
517
00:19:33,313 --> 00:19:34,982
And there's no reason to look so sad.
518
00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:36,617
Your middle name isn't really Rosebud.
519
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,851
Yes, it is.
520
00:19:37,951 --> 00:19:40,287
My birth certificate says it's Rosebud.
521
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,221
Yes, it does.
522
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:42,022
But do you know why?
523
00:19:42,122 --> 00:19:45,359
No, but I wish it was Jim.
524
00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:48,128
Rich, we have really a wonderful family.
525
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,963
When they all found out that mom and I were going
526
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,800
to have a baby, they all wanted to name you after somebody
527
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,767
they loved very much.
528
00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:57,071
They all loved Rosebud?
529
00:19:57,171 --> 00:19:59,406
No, they all love somebody different.
530
00:19:59,506 --> 00:20:03,444
Now, grandma loved the name Oscar because that
531
00:20:03,544 --> 00:20:04,945
was her father's name.
532
00:20:05,045 --> 00:20:07,147
Then why didn't you name me Oscar?
533
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,817
Because grandpa liked another name.
534
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,185
He liked the name Edward--
535
00:20:11,285 --> 00:20:17,725
E-D-W-A-R-D. That was the name of his brother.
536
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:20,194
He was a big hero in the First World War.
537
00:20:20,294 --> 00:20:22,362
Then and why didn't you name me Edward?
538
00:20:22,463 --> 00:20:23,764
I'm coming to that.
539
00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:26,100
Now, grandpa, my grandpa, your great grandfather,
540
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,202
liked the name Ulysses David.
541
00:20:28,302 --> 00:20:31,505
Ulysses, that was a name, first name,
542
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:32,973
of one of our great presidents.
543
00:20:33,073 --> 00:20:35,809
And the name David, who's--
544
00:20:35,909 --> 00:20:37,010
that was his father's name.
545
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,846
He was a very important drummer boy
546
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,081
in the war between the states.
547
00:20:41,181 --> 00:20:46,720
OK, now my mother like the name Benjamin, also the name of one
548
00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:50,224
of our illustrious Americans.
549
00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:53,360
And my father, he liked the name Sam.
550
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:54,795
That's his name, isn't it?
551
00:20:54,895 --> 00:20:56,063
That's right, Rich, it is.
552
00:20:56,163 --> 00:20:59,032
It's a good name to do business with.
553
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,936
You love grandpa, don't you?
554
00:21:03,036 --> 00:21:04,671
Yeah, grandpa's nice.
555
00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:05,572
ROB PETRIE: Sure he is.
556
00:21:05,672 --> 00:21:06,540
Now mommy--
557
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,275
Who loves daddy very much.
558
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:09,710
Thank you.
559
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:13,447
Mommy likes my name very much, Robert.
560
00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:17,584
So you see, Rich, actually your middle name is Robert Oscar Sam
561
00:21:17,684 --> 00:21:21,622
Edward Benjamin Ulysses David.
562
00:21:21,722 --> 00:21:28,395
And the initiative to all of your middle names spells--
563
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,197
Rosebud.
564
00:21:30,297 --> 00:21:31,865
That's right.
565
00:21:31,965 --> 00:21:33,634
And I'll bet you you're the only kid in your school
566
00:21:33,734 --> 00:21:34,601
with seven middle names, huh?
567
00:21:34,701 --> 00:21:35,836
Wow.
568
00:21:35,936 --> 00:21:36,803
Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it Rich?
569
00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:38,272
It's neat, daddy.
570
00:21:38,941 --> 00:21:41,975
Well, wait until I tell Freddy.
571
00:21:42,075 --> 00:21:44,178
All's he's got is William.
572
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,821
Well, you did it.
573
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:55,255
Yeah, I did it.
574
00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:57,191
Oh, by the way, did you make the dental appointment?
575
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:58,158
I did.
576
00:21:58,258 --> 00:21:59,960
Good, then you may rattle my teeth.
577
00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:04,898
Hey, you did it.
578
00:22:12,606 --> 00:22:15,375
Here's your milk, dear.
579
00:22:15,475 --> 00:22:16,343
Daddy?
580
00:22:16,443 --> 00:22:17,110
Yeah, Rich?
581
00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:19,580
Am I going to be a daddy?
582
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,281
Well, I imagine you will someday.
583
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:24,751
When I have a baby, can I name it anything I want?
584
00:22:24,851 --> 00:22:26,220
Well, sure you can.
585
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,255
Of course, you'll probably want to consult your wife.
586
00:22:28,355 --> 00:22:30,991
Oh, she'll like the name I give the baby.
587
00:22:31,091 --> 00:22:32,526
What name is that, dear?
588
00:22:32,626 --> 00:22:34,061
Oh, I just wrote it here.
589
00:22:34,161 --> 00:22:36,797
Oh, let me help you, Rich.
590
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:37,998
Laura?
591
00:22:41,768 --> 00:22:45,572
Mickey Rat Petrie.
592
00:22:45,672 --> 00:22:47,641
Mickey Rat Petrie?
593
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:49,243
Isn't that good, daddy?
594
00:22:49,343 --> 00:22:51,178
Well, darling, the Mickey is fine.
595
00:22:51,278 --> 00:22:53,947
Yeah, like Mickey Mantle.
596
00:22:54,047 --> 00:22:57,084
But Rat is not a very popular name, Rich.
597
00:22:57,184 --> 00:22:58,685
And it's not very pretty either.
598
00:22:58,785 --> 00:22:59,720
Yes, it is.
599
00:22:59,820 --> 00:23:01,555
It's for three people I like.
600
00:23:01,655 --> 00:23:06,326
Richie, me, Alan, your boss, and Teddy, my teddy bear.
601
00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:08,362
Well, darling your thought is a wonderful one.
602
00:23:08,462 --> 00:23:09,963
But I'm not sure your little boy would like
603
00:23:10,063 --> 00:23:12,032
having Rat for a middle name.
604
00:23:12,132 --> 00:23:14,401
But I like Richie Alan Teddy.
605
00:23:14,501 --> 00:23:16,470
Well, I'll tell you, Rich, if that's the case,
606
00:23:16,570 --> 00:23:18,906
I think maybe I may be able to help you out here.
607
00:23:19,006 --> 00:23:23,277
How about Alan Richie Teddy, Art?
608
00:23:23,377 --> 00:23:25,512
Well, darling, Art is a nickname.
609
00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:27,547
I like Rat better.
610
00:23:27,648 --> 00:23:28,582
Well, [inaudible] here.
611
00:23:28,682 --> 00:23:29,583
Let's try another combination.
612
00:23:29,683 --> 00:23:33,487
How about Teddy Alan Richie?
613
00:23:33,587 --> 00:23:35,956
That spells Tar.
614
00:23:36,056 --> 00:23:37,424
Honey, that's no kind of a name at all.
615
00:23:37,524 --> 00:23:38,158
I like Tar.
616
00:23:38,258 --> 00:23:39,459
It's short for Tarzan.
617
00:23:39,559 --> 00:23:41,428
Well, who wants to be named Tarzan?
618
00:23:41,528 --> 00:23:42,162
Well, I know darling.
619
00:23:42,262 --> 00:23:43,964
Art at least is a name.
620
00:23:44,064 --> 00:23:46,133
For short, I understand that.
621
00:23:46,233 --> 00:23:47,668
[interposing voices]
622
00:23:47,768 --> 00:23:50,537
[whistle blows]
623
00:23:50,637 --> 00:23:53,740
It's my kid and I like Rat.
624
00:23:55,742 --> 00:24:02,082
[music playing]
42981
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