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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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There they are, folks-- Pancho
Gonzalez and Helen Wills Moody.
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Oh no. Oh boy.
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This is going to be a productive day.
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I can just feel it.
- Yeah. Buddy's right.
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Hey, come on, fellas.
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What do you say we get to work?
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I got a very important "if date."
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And "if date"? Yeah.
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If he shows up and if he asks me, I got a date.
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Come on.
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Now, let's get to work. Now, come on.
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Will you please?
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How about-- how about a husband and wife sketch?
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We haven't done one in a long time.
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I have nothing against those, but this
time I'd like one based on the truth.
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I don't want any more of those sketches
about Alan waking up in the morning
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and finding a Saint Bernard in his bed.
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That's the truth.
That happened to me.
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Buddy, you never had a Saint Bernard in your bed.
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Oh, did you ever see my wife in the morning?
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[phone ringing] I
keep yelling at her.
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Take off that ridiculous cask of brandy.
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[laughs] Hi, Marge.
Mrs. Billings.
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What's she doing down here?
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Who's Mrs. Billings?
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She wants me to direct the Parents
Council Show again this year, and I've
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been ducking her for weeks.
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What'll I do with her?
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Well, don't look at me.
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I'm not a parent or a council.
Hey, Marge.
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Tell her anything, but get rid of her, will you?
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I just don't want to talk to that--
[nervous laugh] Hello, Mrs. Billings.
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Oh, Mr. Petrie, Mr. Petrie.
What? What?
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I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
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Apologize for what?
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For what they're doing to you.
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Oh, I know you must be a very busy man, and I
really shouldn't come barging in like this.
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But I wanted you to hear it from me personally.
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What is it, Mrs. Billings?
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Well, you know that every year you've
been directing our community show,
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and you've done such a superb job.
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Well, this year, without even consulting me,
one of the other ladies on the committee
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gave the job to somebody else.
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Why, I think that's terrible.
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Oh, I knew you'd feel that way.
Believe me.
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I'd have given anything to have spared you this humiliation.
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Well, Mrs. Billings, all of us need a
little emotional rubbish from time to time.
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I'll muddle through somehow.
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Oh, you're so wonderful to take it that way.
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Goodbye, Mr. Petrie.
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Goodbye, whoever you are.
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[laughing]
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[bangs piano keys]
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Hey, Rob.
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I-- I hate to bother you in this moment of sorrow.
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Oh, I am so happy not to be doing that show.
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Why? Gee.
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It sounds like fun directing one of those community show.
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You know, fix those lights.
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Pull that curtain.
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Have that good-looking girl go to my office.
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I don't mind directing.
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I don't mind producing.
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I don't mind performing.
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I don't mind they use my
furniture for the sets every year.
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What I hate are those auditions.
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Well, what's wrong with auditions?
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You might find another Monroe Diefendorf.
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I never heard of Monroe Diefendorf.
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See, if you find one, you'll have one.
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If I could just find one a little bit of
talent in that neighborhood besides Laura.
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She's the only professional in the whole group,
and each year she ends up with the lead.
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So what's the problem?
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Everyone else's wife.
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They all think they have talent,
and they think I'm playing favorites.
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Oh, I see what you mean.
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Hey, this year, just for a change,
why don't you have Laura not play the lead?
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Sure. Then you can
sleep in the garage.
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[chuckles] Oh, boy.
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This is the first time in three whole years that I am free.
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Mr. Petrie.
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They cannot do this to you.
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Who can't do what, Mrs. Billings?
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Having somebody else direct, indeed.
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How ungrateful can they be?
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They're not. They're not.
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Well, I'm not going to let them get away with it.
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Oh, let them. Let them.
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I'll get even some other way.
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No, no, no, no.
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I will assume all the responsibility.
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Robert Petrie, you are our director.
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No, I'm not. I'm not.
It's unfair. No.
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Some way somehow I will get rid of that other man.
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Oh, you can't do that to him.
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He's a director.
He has feelings.
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Oh, he's not a director.
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He's a dry cleaner.
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Mrs. Billings, even dry cleaners have feelings.
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Well, that's show business.
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Robert Petrie, you will be directing our
shows as long as there's a New Rochelle.
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Oh, I can't wait to just fly home and spread the good news.
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She did it again.
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Hello, darling. Sure.
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How did you know I had spaghetti for lunch?
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Well, darling, look.
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I can put a steak on if you'd rather.
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That's all right.
What's the matter, dear?
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You Seem a little out of sorts.
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I may be out of sorts, but I am in the show.
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The show? Yup.
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The Flying Phantom, Mrs. Billings.
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She caught me today.
Really? Mhm.
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You are looking at the director of the
Annual Follies and Fun Raiding Fiasco.
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I don't know how that woman finds me.
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[coughs]
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I work in an unlisted building.
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The nerve of her walking right into my office.
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Did she do that? Yeah.
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Hi, Mrs. Petrie. Yeah.
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I got the ginger ale--
Hello, Freddy.
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And the cola, and the soda, and extra ice cubes.
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What's all that? Yeah.
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And I got the corn curlies, and the Kasha Krispies,
and barley bebes. But you know something.
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We were all out of the potato poopies.
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Oh, well, that's all right.
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What's going on here?
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Here you are, Freddy. Thank you so much.
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OK. Thank you, Mrs.
Petrie. Oh, oh.
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What time should we be here tonight for the auditions?
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Auditions? Tonight? Yeah.
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Because I do an imitation, you know, of Al Jolson.
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I imitate them all.
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Why don't we save it for tonight?
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I do Regis Toomey, Amos and Andy.
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I do Lum and Abner. OK.
The Happiness Boys.
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Oh, boy, tonight.
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Say, guess who I ran into today.
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You launched the Flying Phantom.
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You sent her down to my office, didn't you?
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Well, darling, she asked me where you work.
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Now, I couldn't very well lie to her.
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I mean I had to give her the address.
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You didn't have to tell her what city?
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Oh, Rob.
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You even arranged for auditions tonight.
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Well, darling, I know how you
hate to be bothered with details.
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Honey, how could you do that?
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You know I hate to do that show.
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LAURA: Robert Petrie, you love directing those
shows, and you know it. I only did it for you.
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You only did it for me?
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You, of course, weren't planning on being in the show yourself.
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Well, I might do a little something.
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(MOCKING) I might do a little something.
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Maybe like star in the show, huh?
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If the director thinks that I'm good enough.
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--that I'm good enough. Yeah.
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Oh, Rob, look.
These shows are fun.
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And who knows?
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Maybe it won't be so hard this year.
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Well, no thanks to you, Buddy and Sally
have volunteered to help me out this year.
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Oh, that's wonderful.
Don't go overboard.
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They've written a whole show.
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It's a musical comedy called "The Gold Rush Girl."
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They wrote a whole musical comedy especially for us?
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No. Especially for Alan Brady.
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They wrote it three years ago.
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Every year they try to peddle to Alan.
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He rejects it.
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Oh, well, of course, if it's no good.
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Well, [inaudible] good all right.
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It's just that Alan always likes to be the main
one, and the lead in this is a girl. A girl?
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The Gold Rush Girl?
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In the 1840s with a period costume?
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[gasps] Do you remember that costume
I wore in the show three years ago.
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The Annie Oakley costume. I could wear that.
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I gave it to Millie.
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I better call her and see if she still has it.
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Boy, this is fun.
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If you think I'm the best one.
[laughs]
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Boy.
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All right.
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I guess you all know why we're
here, our annual fundraising show.
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And I am once again your director.
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And-- [clapping] Thank you.
Thank you.
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As such, I'm going to be looking forward to your
hatred in the coming months. JERRY: Right. Right.
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Don't be [inaudible]
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This year, we're going to do
something a little bit different.
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Our good friends here, Buddy Sorrell and Sally Rogers,
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have written a book show for us, kind of a musical play.
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Oh.
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And I'm going to let them tell you about it.
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So Buddy and Sally could you-- could
we hear a rundown of the play now?
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Why, sure, why not?
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This is probably the most rundown play you'll ever hear.
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Now, the name of the story is "The Gold Rush Girl," right?
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And the time is 1849.
Cut down from 2150.
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Actually, it's a story of a young girl who
falls in love with a medicine man. - Yeah.
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But she can only see him after meals and before bedtime.
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Now, she joins this traveling medicine
show, going to California. Yeah.
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And they're selling a very popular drink
called Old Factor Whistle, one blast
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you're through for the day.
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That's not in the show.
Well, they laughed.
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All right. So it's in the show.
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Or, well, you could call it Old Card Table,
two drink and your legs fold under you.
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Are you going to let me finish telling this story?
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No. They might reject it.
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I can't stand anymore rejection.
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Why don't we just go on with the auditions?
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Give us the chance to reject them.
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00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:15,963
All right. All right.
All right. Now, look.
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The two leads are the handsome medicine
man and the very beautiful Gold Rush Girl.
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Oh, Mr. Petrie, you must play the handsome medicine man.
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And of course, Laura will be the beautiful Gold Rush Girl.
250
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Well, that does it. Let's go home, honey.
251
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No, no, no, Mrs. Billings.
252
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These are open auditions, and everyone
should have a chance to try out.
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00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,513
I mean, after all, I might not be right for it.
255
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It's up to the director to decide.
256
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Swell.
257
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All right, folks, we have an
awful lot of parts to fill here.
259
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:43,624
So I think we better get started.
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And I guess we'll begin with you, Millie.
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Mildred Helper, 146 Bonny Meadow Road.
262
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I'd like to sing "A Sentimental Love Song."
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Words and music by Mildred Helper.
264
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146 Bonny Meadow Road.
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Wonderful. You ready?
[piano music]
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(SINGING) My heart got a smash in the face.
267
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That night I will never erase.
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You saw me standing 'neath the sun and
the stars, and I was something to see.
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Then you just pulled out my aching
heart and kicked it right in the knee.
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My heart has a terrible scar.
273
00:10:47,722 --> 00:10:54,228
I'll get you for this, wherever you are.
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But first, I'll kill myself.
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I'm funny that way.
276
00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:12,313
But seriously, darling, you're OK.
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[applause]
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That was just swell, Mill.
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I'll let you know. OK?
Well, when? Listen.
280
00:11:28,429 --> 00:11:29,230
If you don't call me, I'll call you.
281
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:31,365
OK? - Come on.
That was wonderful, honey.
282
00:11:31,465 --> 00:11:32,900
Really wonderful.
283
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,203
Boy, that kind of talent is going to be tough to follow.
284
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,404
What's Laura going to do?
285
00:11:36,504 --> 00:11:37,972
Uh. I don't know, honey.
286
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,174
You want to do something?
Oh, well.
287
00:11:40,274 --> 00:11:43,144
I hardly think Laura has to prove herself.
288
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,380
And after all the star of our show
must preserve her talented tootsies.
290
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,218
Oh, thank you, Mrs. Billings, but I'm not the star yet.
291
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:53,554
It's up to my husband, the director.
292
00:11:53,654 --> 00:11:57,058
Yes, my wife, the dancer has to earn the job.
293
00:11:57,158 --> 00:11:58,326
Go ahead, honey.
294
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:02,563
Well, I'll do a dance, but I can't
really do it here with the carpet.
296
00:12:02,663 --> 00:12:05,099
But I thought I'd wear a kind of a short Annie Oakley costume,
297
00:12:05,199 --> 00:12:08,269
and I'd start off standing on top of this big drumhead.
298
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:10,338
And I'll do a big leap off right.
299
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,740
And then I'll do a series of fouetté turns.
300
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,309
So it'll be fouetté, fouetté, fouetté,
fouetté, fouetté, fouetté, fouetté,
302
00:12:15,409 --> 00:12:16,477
fouetté, fouetté around here.
303
00:12:16,577 --> 00:12:18,512
And then a leap in the air, spin.
304
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:23,851
And now this is the effective part where
you turn and sell it with a look. Right?
306
00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:30,925
A pirouette, tour jeté, and finish with a
series of chaines, and a big finish. Like that.
308
00:12:31,025 --> 00:12:34,095
That's [inaudible]
309
00:12:34,195 --> 00:12:37,031
A toast to the star of our show.
310
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,601
Only if I'm worthy. Oh.
311
00:12:40,701 --> 00:12:44,405
You see, folks, the bigger they are, the nicer they are.
312
00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:48,042
All right, folks. Let's get along.
313
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,343
We have a lot of parts to fill.
314
00:12:49,443 --> 00:12:50,511
So we have to move it along this evening.
315
00:12:50,611 --> 00:12:54,081
Are there any other hands-- let's see hands now
for anybody who wants to audition for the show.
317
00:12:54,181 --> 00:12:58,986
Come on. Who's next?
Mel is your hand up?
318
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:00,888
Did you want-- you mean you want to do something?
319
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,189
Yes.
320
00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:05,092
Well, I thought you were just going to help
us with the production end. Well, that too.
322
00:13:05,192 --> 00:13:06,727
Well, what-- what do you do, Mel?
323
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:13,100
Well, I uh-- fool around with uh--
(WHISPERS) ventriloquism. What?
325
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,570
Ventriloquism. Ventriloquism?
326
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,673
It's just sort of a hobby.
327
00:13:18,773 --> 00:13:24,111
Oh, well, Buddy would there be a part
for a ventriloquist in the show? No.
329
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:29,016
But there's a part for a dummy.
OK. Yeah.
330
00:13:29,116 --> 00:13:31,052
Well, I'll just need two props, a stool and a glass of water.
331
00:13:31,152 --> 00:13:32,353
Oh, OK, Mel.
332
00:13:32,453 --> 00:13:33,821
Honey, would you get him a glass of water?
333
00:13:33,921 --> 00:13:36,090
Is this stool all right?
334
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,492
OK, Mel, the floor is all yours.
335
00:13:43,664 --> 00:13:48,035
Folks, I'd like you to meet my friend Dummy McGee.
336
00:13:48,135 --> 00:13:52,173
Hello, Dummy. Hello, Mr. Cooley.
337
00:13:52,273 --> 00:13:54,642
How are you? I'm fine.
338
00:13:58,846 --> 00:14:00,948
Now, I'd like to show you a little trick.
339
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,393
What's new with you, Dummy?
340
00:14:12,493 --> 00:14:15,096
Well, Mr. Cooley, I'm in love.
341
00:14:15,196 --> 00:14:16,430
How could you be in love?
342
00:14:16,530 --> 00:14:19,867
You have no poise, no charm, no savoir faire.
343
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:23,938
On what you pay me I could hardly get carfare.
344
00:14:24,038 --> 00:14:27,041
[laughing]
345
00:14:29,443 --> 00:14:31,879
Now, Dummy, I think you should sing your song.
346
00:14:31,979 --> 00:14:34,448
(SINGING) Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.
347
00:14:34,548 --> 00:14:36,884
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.
348
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:39,220
Jimmy crack corn-- - Well, Mel,
I think-- - (SINGING) and I don't care.
350
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:40,454
I think we prob--
351
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,492
we get the general idea, I think.
352
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,294
Oh, well, thank you, Rob.
Thank you, Rob.
353
00:14:47,394 --> 00:14:50,264
[laughs] Well, what about it?
354
00:14:50,364 --> 00:14:55,703
Well, it's-- that's very funny, Mel.
355
00:14:55,803 --> 00:14:58,806
Of course, you-- you realize your lips move a little bit.
356
00:14:58,906 --> 00:15:02,042
Well, they're-- they're better than they used to be.
357
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:03,911
What about it?
Can we be in the show?
358
00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:05,312
Well, Buddy, what do you think?
359
00:15:05,412 --> 00:15:07,314
Maybe in the medicine-- medicine show.
360
00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:08,616
The medicine show is perfect.
361
00:15:08,716 --> 00:15:10,985
When he gets through, everybody'd be sick.
362
00:15:11,085 --> 00:15:11,819
I'll tell you what, Mel.
363
00:15:11,919 --> 00:15:13,120
We'll discuss it a little later.
364
00:15:19,093 --> 00:15:23,430
OK, everybody.
We got to move on here.
365
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:24,665
Things are going a little slow.
366
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:26,233
Anybody else now? Let's step right up.
367
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,169
Pardon me.
My name is Howard Lebost.
368
00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:30,070
I'm your new neighbor.
Oh, darling.
369
00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:31,472
I didn't introduce you.
370
00:15:31,572 --> 00:15:32,773
Mr. Lebost is the new English teacher at school.
371
00:15:32,873 --> 00:15:35,576
The children love your class.
Thank you.
372
00:15:35,676 --> 00:15:37,411
This is my wife, Anita.
Oh, I see.
373
00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:38,612
What do you do, Howard?
374
00:15:38,712 --> 00:15:39,680
Well, actually, I don't do anything.
375
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,115
My wife has all the talent.
376
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:43,551
I mean she sings a little and dances a little.
377
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,219
But she speaks very little English.
378
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,521
She's from Mexico. Oh, I see.
379
00:15:47,621 --> 00:15:48,856
Well, we're very happy to have you with us, Anita.
380
00:15:48,956 --> 00:15:54,161
OK. Would you like to audition?
Como?
381
00:15:54,261 --> 00:15:56,096
[speaking spanish]
382
00:16:01,969 --> 00:16:04,738
She said that your wife is just so good.
383
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,842
She'd rather not even try.
Nonsense.
384
00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:11,946
This is a community affair, and everyone's
going to audition and let the best girl win.
386
00:16:12,046 --> 00:16:17,918
There, didn't I tell you the bigger they
are, the nicer they are? Please, Anita.
388
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:18,853
All right, Anita.
389
00:16:18,953 --> 00:16:20,187
You may go ahead and do your dance.
390
00:16:20,287 --> 00:16:21,856
[speaking spanish]
391
00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:23,023
OK.
392
00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:31,632
(SINGING) Heavens above you all know that I love you.
393
00:16:31,732 --> 00:16:35,703
They rival your beauty, my darling.
394
00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:42,910
I wait till the day, dear, when I can hear you say, dear.
395
00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:46,647
[scatting]
396
00:16:50,684 --> 00:16:57,992
Aye, aye, aye, aye.
[singing in spanish]
397
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:40,000
Aye, aye, aye, aye.
[singing in spanish]
398
00:17:46,974 --> 00:17:50,744
[scatting]
399
00:17:56,216 --> 00:18:02,189
Olé. [applause]
400
00:18:09,363 --> 00:18:10,598
- Thank you, and good night. - Good night.
401
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:13,567
Buenos noches.
Hasta luego. ANITA: OK.
402
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:19,673
FREDDY: Bye bye. [chuckles]
403
00:18:19,773 --> 00:18:26,347
(SINGING) Aye, aye, aye, aye.
[humming]
404
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:40,661
Turns like that. Let's see.
405
00:18:40,761 --> 00:18:45,165
And then I'll do a--
I'll do a foot to foot.
406
00:18:45,265 --> 00:18:47,835
Turn like that. And a big turn.
407
00:18:47,935 --> 00:18:52,573
And look like that.
This darn carpet.
408
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,541
Can't dance on it.
409
00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:56,143
Oh, wait. Another big turn.
410
00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:57,311
A big finish there.
411
00:18:57,411 --> 00:18:59,947
And then you land on your drum.
412
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:02,249
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
413
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:10,824
She was very good.
Who? Oh, yeah.
414
00:19:10,924 --> 00:19:12,960
Yeah, she-- she had something.
415
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:16,130
Everyone just stood right up and cheered.
416
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:17,331
She was marvelous.
417
00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:23,237
Oh, honey, I think it was just their way of making
a stranger from a foreign land feel welcome.
419
00:19:23,337 --> 00:19:27,341
Kind of part of our exchange applause system.
420
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:29,810
Rob, why don't you just come out and admit it?
421
00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:32,246
She was very, very good.
All right.
422
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:33,714
She was fantastic.
423
00:19:33,814 --> 00:19:35,983
Well, you know, for what she does there.
424
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,484
Well, what does that mean?
425
00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:42,523
Well, honey, it just means that the whole thing
is-- it's just a trick. That's all. A trick?
427
00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:45,025
Well, yeah, she fooled everybody, honey.
428
00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:49,029
You come out and sing great and dance great,
people are going to think you're talented.
430
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,703
She didn't fool me though, not for one minute.
431
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,638
I saw through it.
432
00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:01,942
You take away all that fabulous dancing,
all that great singing. What is there left?
434
00:20:02,042 --> 00:20:05,746
Nothing but that haunting beauty.
435
00:20:05,846 --> 00:20:06,914
All right, Rob. All right.
436
00:20:07,014 --> 00:20:08,382
Finished. The end.
437
00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:10,451
Now, you're going to have to start facing the issue.
438
00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:11,718
You have a decision to make.
439
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:16,957
You've got to decide whether Anita or I
will be the Gold Rush Girl. - Mhm. Mhm.
441
00:20:17,057 --> 00:20:18,225
That's just what I've been wanting to avoid.
442
00:20:18,325 --> 00:20:20,094
Now, I told you I didn't want this job.
443
00:20:20,194 --> 00:20:21,462
Look, Rob.
444
00:20:21,562 --> 00:20:24,631
You don't have to answer to anyone
but your own conscience and integrity.
446
00:20:24,732 --> 00:20:29,103
Now, I do want this part, but not at the
expense of your conscience and integrity.
448
00:20:29,203 --> 00:20:30,204
Mhm.
449
00:20:30,304 --> 00:20:33,073
Well, you've just been a great help to me.
450
00:20:33,173 --> 00:20:34,742
As I see it, I have two choices.
451
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:35,943
That's right.
452
00:20:36,043 --> 00:20:39,079
Either you or separate maintenance.
453
00:20:41,648 --> 00:20:44,451
Just do what you think is right.
454
00:20:44,551 --> 00:20:45,853
What do you think is right?
455
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,621
Never mind what I think.
456
00:20:47,721 --> 00:20:49,323
What do you think? You're the director.
457
00:20:49,423 --> 00:20:50,090
You make the decisions.
458
00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:51,892
Now, who's it going to be?
459
00:20:51,992 --> 00:20:54,862
I guess there's only one thing for me to do.
460
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,364
You know what you're going to do?
Oh, yes.
461
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:58,665
- Well, what? - What?
462
00:20:58,765 --> 00:21:00,000
You don't want me to play favoritism, do you?
463
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,735
No. What are you going to do?
464
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:05,038
You'll find out when everybody else does
when I posted on the bulletin board.
466
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,941
So does that mean you're not going to tell me?
467
00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:11,478
Rob, you better tell me. OK.
468
00:21:11,578 --> 00:21:12,880
We're going to have a full dress rehearsal of the show now.
469
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,181
Oh, listen, kids.
470
00:21:14,281 --> 00:21:16,650
You'll have to move back because we're
going to use the whole living room.
472
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:17,518
All the way back to the window seats.
473
00:21:17,618 --> 00:21:19,153
That's it. Fine. OK.
474
00:21:19,253 --> 00:21:20,487
Buddy, you all set for the orchestra?
475
00:21:20,587 --> 00:21:22,623
- All set, Jere.
- OK. We'll start now.
476
00:21:22,723 --> 00:21:24,892
[clears throat] Um.
477
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:27,194
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, the New Rochelle
478
00:21:27,294 --> 00:21:32,299
Parents Council proudly presents the Broadway Gold Rush Twins.
479
00:21:32,399 --> 00:21:36,870
(SINGING) Doo doodle-doo
doodle-doo, doodle doodle-oo-dee-oo.
481
00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:41,275
BOTH: Doo doodle-doo doodle-doo doodle-oo-dee-oo.
482
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:44,711
ALL: Doo doodle-doo doodle-doo doodle-oo-dee-oo doo.
483
00:21:44,812 --> 00:21:47,047
Doo. BOTH: Why don't
you join the group?
484
00:21:47,147 --> 00:21:48,882
It's better than being a party poop.
485
00:21:48,982 --> 00:21:51,585
Doo doo, doo, doo, doo.
BOTH: Obligato.
486
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:55,455
Pizzicato. Guy Lombardo.
487
00:21:55,556 --> 00:22:01,762
It's the craziest when you noodle with a doodling song.
488
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,197
ALL: Two, three, four.
489
00:22:03,297 --> 00:22:05,666
Like it so much I'll doodle some more.
490
00:22:05,766 --> 00:22:09,937
Little softer Perry Como.
491
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:13,841
Even softer, pianissimo.
492
00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:17,978
Say you love me with a doodling song.
493
00:22:18,078 --> 00:22:21,982
B-C-D, ooh, what you doodle-do to me.
494
00:22:22,082 --> 00:22:25,953
Say you love me. Really love me.
495
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:32,092
Say you love me true.
Say you love me.
496
00:22:32,192 --> 00:22:35,729
Please believe me when you do.
497
00:22:35,829 --> 00:22:40,467
That makes two-dle. Go together.
498
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:42,169
Bet your boodle.
499
00:22:42,269 --> 00:22:46,340
Like the apples in the strudel do.
500
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:50,611
When you noodle with a doodling song.
501
00:22:50,711 --> 00:22:55,515
What you call a real ball.
Doo doodle-doo.
502
00:22:55,616 --> 00:22:58,285
Doodle-doo.
Doodle doodle-dee-doo.
503
00:22:58,385 --> 00:23:02,422
Doo doodle-doo.
doodle-doo. I love you.
504
00:23:02,522 --> 00:23:04,891
Doo doodle-doo. Doodle-doo.
505
00:23:04,992 --> 00:23:06,393
Doodle Doodle-doo.
506
00:23:10,898 --> 00:23:15,002
Here we go now. Bet your boodle.
507
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:19,006
Like the apples in the strudel do.
508
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:23,410
When we oodle with a doodling song.
509
00:23:23,510 --> 00:23:26,513
All through. Thank you.
510
00:23:35,188 --> 00:23:39,359
[interposing voices]
511
00:23:46,433 --> 00:23:49,836
Children, children, it was a triumph, children.
512
00:23:49,937 --> 00:23:51,104
An absolute triumph.
513
00:23:51,204 --> 00:23:52,439
Hey, I want to tell you something, Rob.
514
00:23:52,539 --> 00:23:58,312
I'm so choked up about that Parents Council,
I'm going out tomorrow and rent a kid.
516
00:23:58,412 --> 00:24:00,213
Say, how did we do at the box office anyway?
517
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:05,886
Well, I am very proud to announce that
this was our greatest year. Oh. Hey.
519
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:08,855
We only lost $75.
520
00:24:08,956 --> 00:24:12,659
Oh, Mr. Petrie, could I ask you a rather unusual favor?
521
00:24:12,759 --> 00:24:13,994
What is it, Mrs. Billings?
522
00:24:14,094 --> 00:24:20,867
Well, as a souvenir of this memorable occasion,
could I have your autograph? My autograph?
524
00:24:20,967 --> 00:24:23,003
Go on, Rob. Do it.
525
00:24:26,473 --> 00:24:29,176
Oh. Isn't that nice?
Oh, thank you.
526
00:24:29,276 --> 00:24:31,745
There you are, my dear.
Well, that does it.
527
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:37,884
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Petrie has
just signed to do our show for next year.
529
00:24:37,985 --> 00:24:39,119
She did it again.
530
00:24:43,757 --> 00:24:47,461
[theme music]
37095
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