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[theme music] ANNOUNCER:
"The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring, Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Come on, honey. Party time.
4
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LAURA: Just another minute.
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Every minute we spend here is a minute less
we get to laugh, and eat, and play games.
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LAURA: Darling, don't be in such a hurry.
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We're only going next door.
Listen.
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Why don't you wrap the wine bottle in the meantime?
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It's already wrapped.
10
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Boy, I hope they never send a woman up into space.
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I'm sure we'll hear that.
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5, 4, 3-- just a minute, darling.
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Hey, honey, will you bring me a handkerchief?
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LAURA: We're only going next door.
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I can-- I can run back here and blow my nose, I guess.
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LAURA: Jerry and Millie will wait for us.
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Yeah, but honey, Buddy and Sally are going to be there.
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They're our friends.
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We ought to be there when they arrive at least.
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LAURA: Quarter of a minute.
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A quarter of a minute.
[chuckles] Ow.
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Seriously. Hmph.
Well, at least it's an ambulance.
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Honey, why does Ritchie have to
leave these toys in the living room?
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I almost killed myself just now.
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LAURA: Any second now.
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Water rocket launcher with nuclear warhead.
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Moon anti-aggression massive retaliation mop-up kit.
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Nice wholesome toys.
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Hey, honey, whatever happened to Lotto and Tootsietoys?
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LAURA: Be out in a minute, darling.
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(HIGH-PITCHED) In a minute, darling.
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Interplanetary intercom.
[chuckles] Come in, Mars.
33
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Woohoo.
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Woohoo, honey. Jerry.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): What is it, dear?
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): I made some dip for the party tonight.
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Come taste it.
See if it's all right.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): In a minute, honey.
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All ready, darling. Shh.
What are you doing?
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[snickers] They're going to talk again.
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Who? Our neighbors.
It's Ritchie's intercom.
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Evidently, he and Freddie have
hooked it up from here to next door.
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I can hear every word Jerry and Millie are saying.
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Rob, that's eavesdropping.
Turn it off.
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Honey, it's just a toy.
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We're not eavesdropping.
We're playing.
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[chuckles]
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Darling, did it ever occur to you that
they can hear what we're saying too?
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Honey, I have the receiving button on.
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We can hear them.
They can't hear us.
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, you're a good taster.
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What do you think? What is it?
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It's avocado and peanut butter dip.
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Laura gave me the recipe.
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Rob, this is pure unadulterated prying.
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Now, please turn it off.
In a second, honey.
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, how does it taste?
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): You want to know the truth?
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It tastes a little drab. Drab?
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That's my own recipe.
You're right, honey.
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We better turn it off.
Don't you dare.
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): I think it's drab too.
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Laura gave you the recipe.
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Maybe you did something wrong.
No.
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I followed her recipe to a T. I didn't do anything wrong.
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Maybe she did.
Now, what's that supposed to mean?
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[chuckles] Honey, this is shameful, listening to
someone else's conversation. I'm turning it off.
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No, you're not.
We eavesdropped this long.
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We can eave a drop longer.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Why would she do a thing like that?
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, so she could say that Laura Petrie makes
the best peanut butter and avocado dip in Westchester County.
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Maybe she left something out on purpose.
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What a nerve!
To accuse me of such a catty trick.
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Oh, honey.
Millie doesn't mean that.
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She's probably just nervous because of the party tonight.
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Now, let's turn it off and go over there.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Laura wouldn't do a thing like that.
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See.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Rob would, but Laura wouldn't.
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Turn it off, darling.
In a second. I don't know.
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You know, sometimes Laura holds back just a little bit.
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Remember that time she gave me that pattern for a dress?
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She left out a sleeve.
84
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): You know, we're both right, honey.
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Either one of them would have done it.
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It's all part of their
compulsive drive to be the best.
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MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, I never would
have done anything like that to Laura.
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I'd never leave anything out of a recipe.
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If I give, I give.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Well, listen, honey.
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We're not as competitive as they are, and we're not selfish.
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Selfish?
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Well, if she didn't want me to have
the recipe, she should have said so.
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I would have understood.
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But no, she says, of course, you can have my recipe.
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I didn't think Laura could be so insincere.
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JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Well, let's face it, honey.
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Rob is no Albert Schweitzer either.
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Would you ever forget the time
that he borrowed that-- What?
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Borrowed what?
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Did you hear what he said?
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I'm no Albert Schweitzer.
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Of all the--
insincere and selfish?
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I'm no Albert Schweitzer, huh?
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Well, he's no Eleanor Roosevelt.
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And we have to go to their dinner party tonight.
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We're not going to their dinner party.
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Well, Rob, we have to.
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Buddy and Sally are going to be there.
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They're our friends.
We have to go and greet them.
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What is the difference?
They'll never miss us.
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There are only going to be six people there.
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BOTH: They'll miss us. Yeah.
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Oh, thanks.
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Hey, Jerry, sure is nice of you to invite us over here tonight.
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Well, it's about time.
You said it.
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No, I mean you've had us out so many times, it's
about time we've had you over here for dinner.
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Why didn't you send us the money?
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We could have stayed home, you know, and saved carfare.
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You know, you're funny, Buddy.
I hope so.
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Jerry. Yeah, Mill.
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What do you think could be keeping Rob and Laura?
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Hey, maybe they had a fist fight.
[ominous notes]
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Fist fight? Rob and Laura?
- Yeah.
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Worst thing they ever do is kiss hard.
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That's true.
You know, it's disgusting.
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We've had six big fights to every one of their little ones.
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Ha ha. It's not much fun
living next door to them.
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We never hear any juicy arguments or anything.
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[buzzer buzzing]
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Hey, that's Rob and
Laura at the door. No.
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That's my nutcake and sweet potatoes in the oven.
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Ain't she cute?
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If they don't get here in one minute,
I'll give them a call on the phone.
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One minute. Hey, play the minute waltz.
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I only know half of it.
Play it twice.
137
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[plays minute waltz on piano]
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I cannot go over there and act pleasant
to two people who loathe and despise me.
139
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,894
Well, they didn't exactly say that, darling.
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They might just as well of.
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Accusing you of leaving something out of a recipe.
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You know what that is, that's malicious accusory.
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You'd never leave something out of a recipe.
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Would you, honey?
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You wouldn't. Would you?
146
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You did, didn't you?
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Well, I might have left out the mustard.
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You left the mustard out of the avocado and peanut butter?
149
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,713
Well, I don't know that I did.
150
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,340
And if I did, I meant well.
151
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I mean, I was just experimenting.
152
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I mean, after all, where would the world be
today, Rob, if it weren't for experiments.
153
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,931
We wouldn't be on the moon today.
154
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We're not on the moon.
That's beside the point.
155
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I mean, what Jerry said about you calling you competitive
and selfish, I-- I just can't forgive him for that, Rob.
156
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Yeah. Saying I'm no
Albert Schweitzer.
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[phone ringing]
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It's them.
They're calling to apologize.
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00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,828
Yeah. Apologize for what?
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Well, because they didn't know what we heard, but they are guilty because
they know they said even though they didn't know that we know, you know?
161
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,132
What? You unscramble it.
162
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,467
There's a good sentence in there somewhere.
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Rob. W-- w--
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Hey, I'm disconnected.
165
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Must have dialed the wrong number.
166
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:01,899
Maybe they're on their way over.
No.
167
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:02,900
Their lights are on over there.
168
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,151
They're still there.
169
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,404
Hey, answer the phone over there.
Will you?
170
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:14,286
OK. [phone ringing] Hello.
Hi there.
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00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:15,245
JERRY (ON PHONE): What do you mean "hi there"?
172
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Buddy and Sally are here.
We're waiting for you.
173
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,792
Well, we uh-- had a-- we had a slight delay.
174
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Uh, excuse me a minute.
Are we going or aren't we?
175
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I don't know. ROB: Well, make up your mind.
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Well, why should it be my decision?
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00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:29,676
They insulted you too. OK.
178
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,429
Is there anything I can do for you, Jerry?
179
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,181
Yeah. There's a lot you can do.
180
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,474
You can get over here right away.
181
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:40,646
And if you're not over here in two minutes, I'm
going to come over there and drag you over here.
182
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,398
Well, we got to go.
You think so?
183
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:44,816
Well, for Buddy and Sally.
184
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,985
Why should they suffer just because we're not there?
185
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,071
I suppose you're right.
All right.
186
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,156
What do we do about the wine?
187
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:56,453
Give them wine? Never.
188
00:08:56,537 --> 00:09:01,458
Well, let's go see the nice people
next door, Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.
189
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,926
More. More. Why? Why? Oh, sure.
190
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,177
I don't want to do any more now.
191
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,428
Let's wait until Rob and Laura get here.
192
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,722
OK. They want to get
in on the fun too.
193
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,057
I don't want them to miss any of these gems.
194
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,852
[plays cello] Hey, by the
way, where are they?
195
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,938
They're probably outside waiting for the
cello music to stop. [doorbell rings]
196
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,481
See. - Oh, there they are now.
197
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,109
Hey, come on. The door's open.
198
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,902
I said come in. - (SINGING) Come in.
199
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,196
(SINGING) Come in.
(SINGING) Come in.
200
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:37,536
(SINGING) Come in.
BUDDY: Hey, look who's here.
201
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,371
JERRY: Why don't you just walk in?
202
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,123
We weren't sure we were welcome.
203
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,208
Well, you're not.
Come on in anyway.
204
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:46,253
Where've you been?
You missed a lot of fun. Yeah.
205
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:47,588
I just did four of my brand new jokes.
206
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:51,133
Yeah, and I sang Bill Bailey so
many times he finally went home.
207
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:54,261
Hi there.
- Buddy. Sally. How are you?
208
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,388
I'm still single. Thank you.
209
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,057
Let me hang this up for you.
No thank you.
210
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,226
It's always a little cold in here.
211
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,984
Well, listen.
What was the delay for Pete's sake?
212
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:12,613
We had a headache.
One headache for two people?
213
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,657
Can't you guys afford separate headaches?
214
00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:18,535
Separate headaches.
215
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,038
Well, can I get you some aspirins for your headache?
216
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,582
BOTH: No thank you.
217
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,126
Well, maybe a little glass of
sherry would make you feel better.
218
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,629
No thank you.
Would you like some dip?
219
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:31,882
No thank you.
220
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,843
Well, how about some--
BOTH: No thank you.
221
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,351
I haven't had laughs like this since the St.
222
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,602
Valentine's Day Massacre.
223
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,026
Come on, you two.
What's bothering you?
224
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,778
We'd rather not discuss it.
225
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,488
I thought you told me they never fight.
226
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,573
Well, maybe he kissed her too hard.
227
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,960
Well, dinner should be ready pretty soon.
228
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:13,674
I hope so.
[funeral march on cello]
229
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:20,264
How about we do a little old folk song
for these little old folks? - Yeah.
230
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,598
That's good.
231
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:22,683
You remember when they used to like folk songs.
232
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,518
Yeah. Folk songs.
OK. [piano music]
233
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:28,814
BOTH: (SINGING) Go tell Aunt Rhody.
234
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:33,151
Go tell Aunt Rhody.
235
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:38,949
Go tell Aunt Rhody--
--she's really Uncle Fred.
236
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,993
[laughs]
237
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,169
Gee. What a beautiful ashtray.
238
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,337
Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Yeah.
239
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:55,924
We gave them that ashtray.
240
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,927
We gave them this lamp too.
241
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,555
No special reason.
Just in friendship.
242
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,690
Boy, this is a beautiful ashtray.
It is.
243
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,079
Let's play a game. A game.
Let's play a game, huh?
244
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:27,414
What do you say, a game?
245
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,583
Hey, Rob, let's have some fun, huh?
246
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,923
Well, how could you have more fun than this?
247
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:40,302
Unless you're lucky enough to have an impacted wisdom tooth.
248
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,638
I got the game. Who am I?
That's great.
249
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,098
Hey, Rob, let's play Who Am I?
Who am I?
250
00:12:45,224 --> 00:12:48,185
We gave you that vase too.
I know. I know.
251
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,563
Thanks. Who am I? I don't know.
252
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:54,942
Not Eleanor Roosevelt, I'll tell you that for sure.
253
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,902
Come on. Who am I?
Let's play it.
254
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,321
What do you say, Rob?
Let's play charades.
255
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,907
Charades.
Everybody loves charades.
256
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:03,200
Hey, I got it.
257
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,618
Laura, Rob, and I, we'll be on one team.
258
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,245
And Millie, Sally, and Buddy, you're on the other.
259
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:07,579
We're all set. - I got the slips of paper.
260
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,289
- Oh, great. - They're all made up.
261
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:14,253
Charades all right, Rob?
Laura? It's your house.
262
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,629
You didn't give them the house?
263
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,344
Come on. Let's play, huh?
I'll tell you what.
264
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,470
I'll keep time during the game. All right?
265
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,888
Yeah. Your team goes first.
266
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,431
OK. Here, Laura.
You want to go first?
267
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:29,351
Please, Jerry, I-- I don't think so.
Oh, come on.
268
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,769
You don't want to ruin the party?
269
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,105
I never ruined a party before in my life, Jerry.
270
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,233
Well, of course, you haven't.
So go ahead.
271
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,360
Good. Come on. Come on, Rob.
We'll beat them.
272
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,695
Let's go. We can do it.
273
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:41,697
You and I on the same team. Come on.
274
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:48,620
OK, ready? It's a song title.
First word.
275
00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:54,459
Over. A beat, pat.
Crush. Destroy. What?
276
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,420
Oh, second word. OK. Second.
277
00:13:56,503 --> 00:14:00,048
Little word, small.
Petty. Hypocritical.
278
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:05,554
Two-faced.
That's the song title?
279
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,682
The second word is petty, two-faced.
280
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,726
JERRY: You're going to do the whole thing, the whole.
281
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:15,522
OK. March. - Yeah.
- Walk. Stomp.
282
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,024
Stomp all over people.
283
00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:18,984
Walk all over people. Goosestep.
284
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:24,531
Treachery. Treachery. Two-faced.
285
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,159
Two-faced. Stab.
Stab in the back.
286
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,077
Stab in the back.
Uh, point. Point.
287
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,122
Finger. Finger. Accuse. Indict.
288
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,501
Malicious accusory.
289
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:38,003
That's right.
Pearl Harbor. I got it.
290
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,047
What is it?
"On the Street Where You Live."
291
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,048
Right.
292
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,809
Hey, that is right.
293
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,020
"On the Street Where You Live"?
294
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,738
Pearl Harbor? Stab in the back?
295
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,031
Boy, this isn't charades.
296
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,033
This is a new game. World War 3.
297
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:15,499
How did you get that out of "On the Street Where You Live"?
298
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,794
Husbands and wives have a way of
reading each other's minds, Mildred.
299
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,004
Yeah. But this is so far out.
300
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,048
It was perfectly clear to me, Gerald.
301
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:36,270
Hey, avocado and peanut butter dip.
302
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:38,564
How come you made this?
This is Laura's specialty.
303
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:40,566
Well, I don't make it as well as Laura does.
304
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:41,817
Mm. Real good.
305
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,485
But why'd you leave out the mustard?
306
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:50,534
Mustard? Laura,
is there supposed to be mustard?
307
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,202
Oh, I like it better this way.
308
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,162
Hey, Sally, try some of this.
309
00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:56,081
You'll love it. Here.
Listen, Buddy.
310
00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:57,499
Don't fill up on that.
311
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,293
I think dinner's ready right now-- about now, honey?
312
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:00,460
Yeah. Dinner's ready.
313
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:02,045
We'll all feel better after we eat.
314
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,840
Right. Let's go. OK.
Come on. Come on.
315
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,762
Hey, Millie does make it better.
316
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:19,188
MILLIE: Come on, Laura.
JERRY: Coming?
317
00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:20,689
Did you see the way she acted?
318
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,066
Like she weren't even angry about that dip.
319
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,861
Boy, if you can ask me, she's the one who's insincere.
320
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,280
That's just the difference between them and us.
321
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:29,656
When we're mad, we show it.
322
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,618
That's sincerity. Hey, come on.
323
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,620
The food's getting cold.
All right.
324
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:41,251
We're coming, Jerry.
Rob, don't eat much.
325
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:42,461
I'm just going to nibble.
326
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:43,962
I'm too sincere to eat a lot.
327
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:49,551
Good night, Sally.
328
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,677
- Good night, Rob. - Good night.
329
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:51,803
- Good night, Rob. - Good night.
330
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,810
OK. I give up.
What was that all about?
331
00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:00,395
Boy, I never saw them act like that.
332
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:01,772
Did you two guys have a fight with them?
333
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,273
I didn't. Did you, Millie?
334
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:06,985
I can't think of anything.
I know.
335
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:10,822
It's the $0.38 I owe her for Brussels sprouts.
336
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,366
Come on. JERRY: Don't be silly.
337
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,409
No, that's right.
It couldn't be that.
338
00:17:14,493 --> 00:17:17,913
She owes me $0.32 for cauliflower.
339
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,414
I don't know what it could be.
340
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:22,084
Did we say anything during the evening to offend them?
341
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,710
Well, it couldn't have been during the party.
342
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:27,339
They came in angry.
I know what's bothering them.
343
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,841
JERRY, MILLIE, SALLY: What?
344
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,677
They need on the spot relief from acid indigestion.
345
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,979
How does Ritchie eat that stuff every morning?
346
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,106
Why don't you put some milk on it?
347
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,446
Anyway, it's better than eating Millie and Jerry's food.
348
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:54,199
That's right.
We sure showed them.
349
00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,910
Didn't we, honey? We sure did.
350
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,620
You think we showed them enough?
351
00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:00,372
Well, we ruined their party.
352
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:04,793
That's pretty good for starters.
I guess so. Hm.
353
00:18:04,877 --> 00:18:07,462
I sure say they had it coming.
Wouldn't you?
354
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:12,885
I'd say so after the nasty things they said about us,
calling us selfish, and insincere, and competitive.
355
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:16,555
Ha! Saying I'm no
Albert Schweitzer.
356
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,224
Those kind of remarks hurt.
Oh, boy.
357
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:28,108
Wouldn't you like to know what unjust things they're saying
about us right now simply because we ruined their little party?
358
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,443
You could just imagine.
359
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:34,907
They're probably saying things about us
that they have absolutely no right to say.
360
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,241
Ha.
361
00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:38,452
Boy, would I love to know what's on their little minds.
362
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:46,543
[chuckles] So would I.
Yeah. Me too.
363
00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:49,087
Rob, you're not thinking of turning it on again, are you?
364
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,422
Oh, no, no.
365
00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:55,135
I-- whatever they are saying, I sure would
like a chance to debate that in court.
366
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:04,061
Darling. Hm?
I think you turned on the intercom.
367
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,312
Oh, did I?
368
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,773
Oh, I guess I put my cigarette out on that by mistake.
369
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,400
Better turn it off.
Oh, I intend to.
370
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:15,906
I intend to.
[dishes clinking on intercom]
371
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,616
JERRY (ON INTERCOM): Well, they ruined the party.
372
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:18,909
That's what they did.
373
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,829
They sat there like two
statues all evening. Yeah.
374
00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:23,330
And bringing up all the gifts they gave us.
375
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,791
What was that?
And how about that charades game?
376
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:28,293
Treachery. Two-faced.
Boy, I tell you.
377
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,294
Why'd they have to say that?
378
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:30,295
MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Yeah.
379
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,463
What did we do to offend them?
380
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:34,800
Well, I'm the one that's angry now, and I
will never forgive them for their behavior.
381
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,303
Never forgive them?
Honey, their our friends.
382
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:39,805
After what they said?
383
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,432
Well, so they weren't so nice for one night.
384
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,143
You know, they have their faults.
Everybody does.
385
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,979
People would be pretty dull without them.
386
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:48,981
Gee. You know,
l hope they're all right.
387
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,649
They look so unhappy.
388
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:53,068
You think maybe they were sick or something?
389
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,695
JERRY (ON INTERCOM): I didn't think about that.
390
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,822
No, I don't think they were sick.
391
00:19:56,947 --> 00:19:59,074
Hey, maybe Ritchie was sick.
392
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,869
Jerry, their lights are still
on, and they left two hours ago.
393
00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:04,163
Maybe you ought to go over there
and see if you can be some help.
394
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,540
No. I don't think they
were sick or worried.
395
00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,625
They were angry. Yeah.
396
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,128
And they were angry at us.
You're right.
397
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,631
But why? What did we do?
398
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:18,010
I think I know what it is, honey.
What?
399
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,513
Well, I sent Rob his dental bill last
month, and I think he thinks it's too high.
400
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,681
MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, was it?
401
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,224
JERRY (ON INTERCOM): No.
402
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,059
You know I never charge him for my work, just the lab costs.
403
00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:28,187
But they've gone up, and I forgot to tell him about it.
404
00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:30,189
MILLIE (ON INTERCOM): Well, do you think that was it?
405
00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:32,232
No. That couldn't be it.
406
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:37,154
Rob and Laura are not the kind of people that would think
that their best friends would take advantage of them.
407
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,489
I mean, they have their faults, but they're loyal people.
408
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:47,456
I did leave the mustard out of the dip, you know?
409
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,208
I know.
410
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:53,545
I-- I also know that I'm not really Albert Schweitzer.
411
00:20:59,885 --> 00:21:01,553
What are you going to do with wine?
412
00:21:01,637 --> 00:21:08,977
Well, if we're going to go next door and swallow our pride and eat
some crow, we better have some good wine to wash it down with.
413
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:12,564
Let's go the back way.
It's friendlier.
414
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,694
I feel just terrible.
415
00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:18,820
I wish we could do something.
416
00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:20,239
I'm not going to be able to sleep.
417
00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:21,657
Don't worry, honey. Things will straighten out.
418
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,618
[knocking] Hey,
who could that be?
419
00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,995
What time is it?
2 o'clock in the morning.
420
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:31,083
It could only be one person, your mother.
421
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:33,210
Hey, Rob. Laura.
422
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,254
Rob, is everything all right?
Come on in.
423
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:38,465
Everything's just fine, just fine.
424
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:42,261
We, um, wanted to talk to you about tonight.
425
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:43,929
Well, yeah. What happened?
426
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:46,640
Why were you so angry? Yeah.
427
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:47,683
Did-- did we do or say something?
428
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,102
Yeah. You certainly did.
Well, what?
429
00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:55,065
Come in, honey. Over.
430
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:57,192
Rob and Laura are selfish and insincere.
431
00:21:57,276 --> 00:22:02,281
And you know, Jerry,
Rob's no Albert Schweitzer, over and out.
432
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:04,658
Oh my. That's not word for word.
433
00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:08,620
But the meat's there. Oh my.
434
00:22:08,704 --> 00:22:11,123
I-- I didn't know that the kids had that hooked up.
435
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:14,585
Did you hear about the dip?
Oh, yes.
436
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,587
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
437
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:22,217
What do you mean, Millie?
We were eavesdropping.
438
00:22:22,301 --> 00:22:26,305
I mean we turned it on accidentally,
but we certainly could have turned it off.
439
00:22:26,430 --> 00:22:28,724
Well, we shouldn't have been talking about you.
440
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:30,309
Oh, why not, Millie?
441
00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:33,312
If you say what you want to in the privacy of your own home.
442
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:38,317
If you can't say nasty things about your
best friends at home, where can you?
443
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,404
You uh-- do you say nasty things about us?
444
00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,865
Well, let me put it this way, Jerry.
445
00:22:44,990 --> 00:22:49,369
We say less nasty things about you than
we do about any of our other neighbors.
446
00:22:49,495 --> 00:22:51,663
Here's a little token of our esteem.
447
00:22:51,747 --> 00:22:54,416
Thanks. Oh, you didn't have to.
448
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,503
I just wish it could have been mustard.
449
00:22:57,628 --> 00:23:01,924
Gee, Millie,
l feel-- Let's make some coffee. OK.
450
00:23:08,347 --> 00:23:11,683
[laughs]
451
00:23:16,688 --> 00:23:20,317
[piano music]
452
00:23:23,779 --> 00:23:25,280
So I'm no Albert Schweitzer, huh?
453
00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:34,331
[theme music]36508
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